


Tied on a String

by blueenvelopes935



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Being a Skywalker sucks too, Can't decide how I feel about Episode 8, Coup d’etat, Everybody lies, F/M, Have only the vaguest idea where this is going, I heart the Finalizer, Jakku sucks, Kinda lost and confused Rey, Kylo behaving badly, Need to see it again without a kid sitting on my lap, Not a big fan of Force bond plot device, Old Leia is the best Leia, Reylo - Freeform, Sigh--bring on the haters, Snoke!, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, This ain’t no coffee shop AU, Told myself I wouldn't write Reylo again for awhile but here it is, Two loners who are not good with people, Watching and waiting in the wings, hostage, peacemaker Rey, stolen Jedi texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-02-16 04:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 237,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13046367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueenvelopes935/pseuds/blueenvelopes935
Summary: Let the past die.  Kill it if you have to.  But make sure it’s truly dead.  In the aftermath of Crait, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren reups his offer to Rey.  It becomes an offer she can’t refuse for a reason neither of them suspects.  Things are never what they seem on the Dark Side.





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo Ren, the new Supreme Leader of the First Order, stands quiet and still on the bridge of the _Finalizer_ drifting in the Force.  He’s searching for answers.  And fearing what he might find. 

“Supreme Leader.”

It’s Hux addressing him with that nasal Coruscant accent that half the First Order officer corps has and the other half carefully imitates.  However gratifying it is to hear General Hux speak his new title, it still sounds annoying to Kylo’s ears. 

“Supreme Leader.”  Armitage Hux is nothing if not persistent. 

“What is it?” Kylo doesn’t bother to turn around. 

He listens as Hux dutifully provides an assessment of the damage to the _Supremacy_.   Repair estimates range from three to six months, an unacceptable delay at a time when the First Order has finally won the war and must move quickly to seize control of the Core.  Kylo promptly orders all the weaponry and men evacuated from the _Supremacy_ onto other vessels.  Snoke’s scuttled ship will not be allowed to slow things down.  The First Order needs a show of force on Coruscant, Chandrila, and all the major Core systems.  They must move swiftly after the decisive defeat of the Resistance at Crait.  His mother might be alive along with twenty or so members of her ragtag terrorist group, but they have no fleet, no manpower, and no weaponry with which to oppose him now.  At long last, all systems will bow down to the First Order.  And now, when they swear allegiance to the Supreme Leader, it will be to Kylo Ren.

This victory is historic and deeply personal.  It ought to feel more satisfying, he thinks.  But Kylo can’t shake the feeling that the war is not yet done.

He dismisses Hux and goes back to the Force.  He blocks out the sights and sounds of the busy bridge of his new flagship.  With long practice, Kylo drops quickly into deep meditation in the Force.  He’s trying hard to make sense of all that has happened in the last two weeks.  Snoke dead on his throne, Han Solo dead on the Starkiller Base, the girl Rey awakened to an astonishing raw talent, Luke Skywalker dead after a last stand projection in the Force, both Hosnia and the Starkiller Base obliterated, the New Republic and the Resistance forces reduced to nothing.  After years of plotting and dreaming, vindication has finally come for the erstwhile runaway Jedi Padawan Ben Solo.  And it had come swiftly and decisively, in ways he did and did not expect. 

What does it all mean?  That’s the question Kylo Ren puzzles over now.  He is the child of idealistic Rebellion heroes raised in the promise of the New Republic.  And so, cynically he knows that victory does not always connote success.  Those same rebels who partied on Endor and danced in the streets after the Battle of Jakku were the ones to flounder when it came to governing.  Time and again, they made a mess of things.  And that’s why the First Order arose.  At least, that’s the simplistic causation the history books will explain.  But they will be only half right.  For politics and economics can explain many things, but they do not explain the Force. 

The Force does not unfold like a narrative with a beginning, a middle, and an end.  It’s far more mysterious in its ways.  More intuitive.  More capricious too.  It is the work of a lifetime, old Luke Skywalker used to teach.  Snoke would probably have agreed.  But Kylo Ren doesn’t have a lifetime to gain wisdom.  He needs answers now.

What does it mean for Snoke and Skywalker to die?  If Darkness and Light are eternal, then what does it mean to lose the last vestiges of the Jedi and the Sith?

And what is the point of the girl Rey?  How important is she to him?

Kylo feels like he should know these answers because the Force is repeating itself yet again.  It’s a like a hall of mirrors that reflects the same image distorted a bit each time.  It’s the same thing, over and over again, only different in ways that leap out at you. 

An unsuspecting youth finds a droid on the run in the desert with a deadly secret.  That’s how it begins on Tatooine and then again on Jakku.  A different droid, a different youth, a different secret.  But the conflict that gives rise to the situation is fundamentally the same.  And the aimless, bored youth that is radicalized in the process is much the same too.  Each time, an angry orphan looking for a cause and a  replacement family signs up for war without any inkling of what destiny has in store.  _Darkness rises and Light to meet it._ It’s an age-old battle that has been fought many times before. 

Leading Kylo to wonder:  can it ever end?

The youth needs a teacher, and each time two options arise.  _I can teach you the ways of the Force._ The boy from Tatooine finds an exiled master and then, to his horror, he is courted by a masked Dark lord.  He answers with a righteous denial and ignites his sword.  The girl from Jakku also finds an exiled master.  But first, she finds a creature in a mask who calls her his guest and offers to help.  She names him a monster and also answers with a swing of her sword.  What the girl misses is what the boy before her had missed too—that this was more than just an overture from Darkness.  That this was a path forward to the balance of the Force.  Both times it is offered by a Skywalker Chosen One himself.  Each time, the emphatic rejection that follows is the ultimate in ignorant hubris.  For so certain is the girl from Jakku, like the boy from Tatooine before her, that all the answers that matter come from the Light Side of the Force. 

Leading Kylo to wonder:  can there ever be balance if Force users keep reverting to extremes?

Then later, that youth full of hope and Light surrenders for a confrontation.  There they stand brave and stalwart before the Dark Side of the Force.  They have come to redeem the conflicted apprentice and both times that’s how it works out.  The apprentice kills the master and victory is achieved?  Well, once.  But it was fleeting.  And this time around, it is the youth who cannot follow through.  For given the opportunity to reconcile the two warring factions of the universe, she loses her nerve.  _Join me and we can rule the galaxy._   Suddenly horrified by what her actions have wrought, the youth turns and runs.  And so the war in the Force and in the galaxy churns on . . .

Leading Kylo to wonder:  what does it mean for Darkness to offer peace and for the Light to turn it down?

“Supreme Leader.”

It’s Hux again, interrupting his reverie and jerking Kylo back to more immediate questions.  For there is a great deal to be done.  The galaxy is reeling from a bloody civil war.   The Force is jettisoned from its longtime opposing ideologies.   The resulting power vacuum and lack of organization mean everything is up for grabs.   Thirty years after the Old Empire fell, it’s all a mess again.  And as the Supreme Leader and the only trained Force user left alive, it’s Kylo Ren’s mess now. 

This is his lot in life, Kylo knows.  To pick up the pieces of other people’s failings and make sense of it all.  For Light Side or Dark Side, the legacy of the Skywalkers is suffering, death and destruction writ large across billions of lives.  It falls to him, the very last of their line, to bring an end to it all.  He, Kylo Ren, will finish what his grandfather started all those years ago.  He will bring peace, freedom, justice and security to his new empire.  He will bring balance to the Force. 

“Supreme Leader.”

“Yes,” comes his testy reply.  Kylo whirls to face his lead general and extracts his mind from the Force.  But not before he catches the faintest echo of his dead master’s mocking laughter deep in the recesses of his mind.  It puts a sneer on Kylo’s face behind the mask.  Good riddance and fuck you, Supreme Leader Snoke.  A Sith is supposed to be hard to kill, Kylo thinks, but in his old master’s case apparently not.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey jumps ship from the _Millennium Falcon_ and abandons the remaining Resistance at the very first spaceport.  She steals a junky transport after General Leia outright tells her no she can’t leave now.   You’re our only hope, Ben’s mother had told her.  The tears in her eyes and the impassioned pleas from Finn had tugged at Rey’s heart.  Look, it’s only for a few days, Rey assures everyone as they stand before her with accusing eyes.  But you’re the last Jedi, the pilot Poe Dameron tells her heatedly.  You can’t abandon us now. 

 

Looking at their tired, scared, and angry faces, Rey wonders if this is the belonging that she has been seeking all along?  Are these few surviving Resistance members the closest thing to a family that she has left?  Call them committed or uncompromising?  Call them diehards or fools?  Rey isn't sure.  But their clear disapproval causes Rey to pause a moment before she promises to return.  She still has the small tracking device she used to find the Resistance after leaving Skywalker.  She’ll use it to find them wherever they go to hide and lick their wounds. 

 

Please reconsider, General Leia tells her.  We need you more than ever now.  But Rey hasn’t survived this long on her own without listening to her gut.  These people are all doomed, she can’t help but think as she looks around one last time.  And besides, this trip is something she needs to do for herself.

 

It’s two days journey back to Jakku.  Back to the meager comforts of her abandoned AT-AT home.  There’s nothing here for her now, but still Rey comes back.   This homecoming brings her to a simpler place where her struggles were black and white.  For survival has a way of making your choices stark.  Food, water, shelter and loneliness had been her main struggles here.  Not galactic politics, war, Ben Solo and the Force.  Rey always knew when she was winning on Jakku because a good scavenging haul meant she would be well fed and she could put another mark on the wall.   On Jakku, Rey never agonized over ‘what ifs.’  She just committed to a course of action and moved on.  

 

She avoids Niima Outpost and lands straight in the ships’ graveyard.  There Rey wanders her favorite wrecks.  She picks up scrap metal and wiring to fix her saber and she ponders her parents’ fate.  Had they really been junk dealers who sold their daughter for drinking money?  Or was it all a lie?  Rey isn’t sure.  But somehow it feels true that she is a nobody.  And in her heart of hearts, she knows that Maz Kanata is correct and that—whatever happened—her family isn’t coming back.

 

And so, there’s no reason to stay on Jakku any longer.  No reason at all.  Except that suddenly Rey wants desperately to go back to being anonymous again. She doesn’t want the drama of the past few weeks to forever define who she is.   She is Rey of the desert, the scavenger survivor throwaway who happens to have the Force.  And had she not taken pity on a lost droid in the desert, she might never have known.  In some ways, Rey wishes she didn’t know.  Because she has met four people with the Force:  Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Ben Solo and Supreme Leader Snoke.  As far as she can tell, they all live lives of violence and unhappiness, even if to their admirers they are heroes.

 

Luke Skywalker may have died at peace with his life choices, but for Rey the last Jedi was a disappointment on the whole. For though she might admire Skywalker’s sacrifice, she has no wish to emulate it.  The beleaguered Jedi Master might have finally found purpose in a self-sacrificing last stand.  But Rey of Jakku is a survivor who is in no hurry to die.  She’s no coward but she’s no romantic idealist either.

 

It angers her that Luke had spent what precious time they had together rejecting her and screwing around with his supposed three lessons.  Leaving her adrift without a teacher and no way to learn the Force.  Grumpy old Master Skywalker got his wish in the end, Rey thinks, because now the Jedi surely will end.  All she has is a broken lightsaber and some crap about stretching out with her feelings and breathing to go on.  And that’s not much.  There’s only one person left alive with formal Jedi training and it’s the treacherous, angry Ben Solo, the mortal enemy of her cause.  And so, where exactly does that leave her?

 

Dejected.  That’s mostly how Rey feels now.  Luke Skywalker was neither the hero nor the teacher nor the father figure she had hoped he might be.  So too, the phantom parents she had believed in for so long had let her down.  Those two realizations in rapid succession really have her disillusioned.  Rey knew that there had to be a sad story behind her abandonment.  You don’t walk away from a four-year-old unless things somehow go wrong.  But Rey had believed in her family nonetheless.  And it was that hope which had gotten her through some of the darkest, loneliest moments of her short, hard life.  But, in the end, that hope was in vain. 

 

There had been a lot of talk about hope among the Resistance survivors on the _Falcon_.  Encouraging, lofty talk about keeping the faith for the cause even at its most desperate hour.  Rey had listened to it all silently unmoved.  For if Luke Skywalker had taught her anything, it is that hope can be misplaced, even if sincere.  Just because you think you’re doing the right thing doesn’t mean that you are.  And it certainly doesn’t mean that you will win in the end.  And if the disappointment of her parents means anything, perhaps it’s that hope must be grounded in reason to be true.  Otherwise, hope becomes a willful delusion, sort of a personal fairytale.  Rey sees now that her hope in her family had been a childish coping mechanism. 

 

And so, staring out at thirty-year-old battle wreckage from the most recent galactic civil war, pensive Rey wonders if perhaps Ben Solo has a point.  Maybe it is time to let the past die and move on.  After all, even venerable old Luke Skywalker had known when it was time to quit.  

 

Then, with barely a few seconds warning, the bond activates again.  Suddenly, standing a meter away from her in the desert is a Force projection of Kylo Ren.

 

Tired, frustrated, and thirsty Rey says the first thing that comes into her mind.  “Why are you hiding behind that mask again?”  She hates that mask.  She had hoped it was gone for good after the Starkiller.  But apparently not.  Maybe Ben had just left it off while his face healed.

His response is indignant.  “I’m not hiding.  This is who I am.  The whole galaxy knows Kylo Ren wears a mask.”

 

Whatever.  The mask, the cape, the black outfit, the assumed name.  Rey finds all this scary posturing and media branding to be tedious.  Especially now that she understands more about the man who she now can only think of as Ben.  “Darth Vader needed a mask,” she informs him.  “You don't.  You’re just playacting.”

 

“I like Darth Vader,” he counters as he crosses his arms.  “He’s the only hero who has never let me down.”  But as if to end the argument, Ben reaches up to remove the mask. 

 

She watches as he shakes out his hair.  His wound has healed even more, Rey sees.  Soon it will only be a faint line.   And maybe in the end, it won’t even scar.

 

Ben is doing an inspection of his own.  Rey sees him squint at her.  No.  It seems like he’s looking behind her. 

 

“I think this bond is getting stronger.   I can see your surroundings now.”  Ben peers forward.  “That looks like sand.  Are you on Jakku?”

 

Rey answers truthfully.  “I wanted to go home.  But don’t even think about coming here,” she warns.  “Because I’ll be gone by the time you arrive.”

 

“I’m not chasing you to the Western Reaches.  I’ve got better things to do,” he scoffs.  “And besides, I hate sand.  It gets everywhere.  It makes a mess.”

 

Whatever, she thinks.  Hopefully, the bond will shut off soon.

 

“Why would you want to go back to Jakku?”  He clearly disapproves.   “Do you still want to be a nobody from nowhere?”

 

Rey looks away.  Those words sting.

 

His voice softens now.  “Rey, I offered you more than that.”

 

“I turned you down, remember?” she snaps.

 

“The offer is still open,” he calmly persists.

 

“Well, close it.  Because I’ll never join you.”

 

Ben just shrugs and gives her a condescending look down his long nose.  “Think about it.”

 

“I don't need to think about it.”

 

“Well, don’t stay there, Rey,” he complains.  “Jakku makes you lonely.   I don’t want that for you.”

 

She gives him a knowing look full of contempt.  “You want me to rejoin the Resistance, is that it?   So you can see where they hide?  So you can finish the job from Crait?”

 

“We already know where they hide.  We tracked the _Falcon_ through hyperspace.  Rey, you wouldn’t be revealing anything,” he assures her with maddening truth.

 

“Oh.  Then you want me to be there when you come to wipe them out?” she demands.  “Is that it?”

 

Now, he looks annoyed.  “Once I secure the galaxy, I will deal with what remains of the Resistance.  But right now, they aren’t a big enough threat to get my attention.”  He cocks his head at her as he reveals, “If I wanted you dead, it wouldn’t be too hard.  Rey, all you have is a broken lightsaber.”

 

“I’m going to fix it,” she informs him tartly.  “I’m going to make a new one out of the old.  It’s why I am here.  I can scavenge all the metal and parts I need to supplement what I already have.”

 

Strangely enough, her answer seems to please him.  “Good,” he approves with a disarming smile.  “You should have a weapon of your own. Let the past die and build something new, Rey.  Start with a sword.”

 

His mention of the past reminds her.  “Luke is dead.  You know that, right?”

 

Ben nods.  “He projected himself too far and too long in the Force. It was foolish of him.”

 

There was nothing foolish about it in Rey’s opinion.  That was selfless Jedi heroism at its very best.  “Master Skywalker sacrificed himself so your mother and the others could escape.”

 

“It worked,” Ben concedes, “But it won’t change anything in the end.  The Resistance is doomed.  Everyone can see that.”

 

His gloating cynicism gets her down.  As does his casual acceptance of his legendary uncle’s fate.  “You’re never going to change, are you?” Rey gripes.  She can’t believe now that she ever thought he would.

 

“No.  It’s too late for me, Rey.”

 

She nods.  “Even your mother thinks you are a hopeless case.  So did Luke in the end,” Rey reveals.

 

And now it’s Ben’s turn to look bitterly forlorn.  “That’s not news.  They gave up on me years ago, Rey.  When I was just a kid.  They were the ones who neglected and betrayed me!  And then my righteous uncle tried to murder me in my sleep.”

 

“Luke was ashamed of that.  Luke was . . . “  And how exactly does she feel about the dead Jedi Master?  Rey still isn’t sure she’s worked it all out.  She just leaves the unfinished statement hanging.

 

Ben sighs and levels with her.  “Luke Skywalker would have disappointed you.  Han Solo would have done the same.  My nagging mother is no different.  You’ll see.”  He looks exasperated with her now.  “Rey, you need to stop looking for heroes elsewhere and just be the hero yourself.”

 

“Is that what you are?” she challenges.  “A hero?”

 

“Yes,” he nods.  “You could be one too.”

 

He’s asking again about his offer in Snoke’s throne room, she knows.  And now Rey confesses, “I don't think I can be a hero, Ben.  I don’t think I’m cut out for it.  And there’s so much I don’t know . . . ”

 

He makes a face.  “Then we will both be worse off.”

 

“What do you mean?” She’s confused.

 

Ben wrinkles his nose and sneers, “No one is ever ready for greatness, Rey.  You just have to step up.  Like I’m doing now.”

 

“G-Greatness??”  Did she hear right?

 

“Yes.  Greatness,” he snaps back.  “The Force keeps bringing us together and this bond remains even after Snoke is dead.  You are the Light and I am the Darkness.  There’s a reason for this, Rey.  So stop pushing me away!”

 

“But—”

 

“You need a teacher!  Now more than ever.  Come to me and I will teach you the ways of the Force.”  He says it like an order.  In the clipped, snappish voice of command.  He’s every inch the Supreme Leader of the First Order now. 

 

“I’ll never join you.”  They’ve been over this before.  Rey is not sure she wants to learn anything that this man has to teach.

 

And now he softens his terms.  “I’m not asking you to join me.  I’m asking you to listen.  That’s all.  Think about it, Rey.”

 

She eyes him warily.  She does not trust this man.

 

“Please,” he adds after a moment’s pause.

 

And then the bond shuts off. 


	3. Chapter 3

When the bond next opens, Kylo sees Rey sitting in a dingy alcove.  It looks like she’s in the _Falcon_ , but he’s not sure. 

 

She doesn’t look happy to see him.

 

“You’re back at the Resistance.”  He talks first while she glares.  They never have any polite preambles.  There is never any ‘hello’ or ‘how are you?’  They both have direct personalities that tend to get right to the point.

 

“Yeah, that’s right.  I told them I’d be back and I keep my word.”

 

Yes, he could see how coming back would be a promise this girl would never break.  He just wishes she hadn’t come back to his enemies.  That’s a problem, but not one he’s ready to confront head on just yet.   Watching Rey shut the door of the _Falcon_ in his face on Crait had been a message he won’t soon forget.

 

“I’ll glad you’re off Jakku.  How is the saber coming?” 

 

“Slowly,” she admits.  “I had to make some tools first.  I didn’t expect that.”   She looks discouraged, he thinks.  Yes, definitely discouraged.  And tired.  That bruise on her forehead has grown lurid purple-yellow now.  And the deep cut on her upper arm is as bad as he remembers from nearly a week ago.  Why hasn’t someone given her a bacta patch or two?

 

He feels like he should encourage her.  It seems out of character to see this fierce girl feeling down.  So, Kylo tells her, “Lightsabers are trickier than they look.  And they were never designed for laypeople to understand or to fix.”

 

“I’m not a layperson.  I have as much Force as you, Ben Solo.  Maybe more.”  She shoots him a look.

 

He doesn’t dispute this.  His strategy is to avoid conflict between them and to try to build common ground.  So, Kylo just moves on.  “Are you using the Force to fix the lightsaber?”

 

“No.  Am I supposed to?”  Again, she looks discouraged.  “I was fixing it like I would fix anything else.  Is that wrong?”

 

“Tinker all you want with the power cell and the handle.  But the placement of the crystal requires deep concentration in the Force,” Kylo explains.

 

“Oh.  Maybe that’s why it doesn’t work.”

 

“Let me see.  Go get it.”  She does and holds it up.  Yes, he sees that she has been hard at work.  And he’s not sure he likes what she’s done.  “You changed the hilt,” he observes with a frown. 

 

“Yeah, that’s right.  My hands are smaller than your grandfather’s.  This is my saber now.”

 

“Where did you get it in the first place?” Kylo wants to know.  “It was lost on a duel on Bespin decades ago along with Skywalker’s hand.”

 

Rey seems a little defensive now as she explains, “I didn’t find the saber.  It kind of found me.”

 

He smirks.  “Did you find the hand?”

 

“That’s not funny,” Rey shoots back.

 

“Where was the saber?  Tell me.  I want to know.”

 

“On Takodana.  Maz Kanata had it hidden away in her basement and it called to me.”

 

“That’s very strange,” Kylo thinks aloud, then adds, “And so is she.”

 

“You know Maz?” Rey blinks.

 

“Yeah, I know her.  Han Solo used to dump me there with the wookiee to babysit when I was a kid.  Maz liked the wookiee.   She didn't like me.”  Again, Kylo focuses on the saber.  “Where did Maz say she got it?  That sword has been lost for years.”

 

“She didn’t say.”  And that figures.  The pirate queen Maz Kanata has unsavory connections far and wide.  There’s no telling what she did to get it or from whom.  And Maz isn’t the type to volunteer these things.

 

Kylo watches as Rey stifles a yawn and wipes at one eye. “You’re tired,” he observes.

 

“I’m having strange dreams,” she admits.  “I’m not sleeping much.”

 

He smirks.  “Is Skywalker’s Force ghost already coming to visit?”  So much for his uncle wanting the Jedi Order to end.  Supposedly, old Ben Kenobi’s ghost had haunted his uncle on and off for years giving instruction and advice.

 

“No,” Rey yawns again.  “It’s nightmares of Snoke.”

 

He blinks.  She has his complete attention now.  “You’re dreaming of Snoke?”

 

“Yes,” she says testily, looking like she’d rather not talk about this.

 

His eyes narrow.  He’s not letting this issue slip.  “Tell me,” he commands.

 

She is breezy and vague.  “It’s just Snoke being all scary as he sits on his throne.  He tells me that he knew I would have my uses.  That he looks forward to seeing more of me.”

 

“What else?” 

 

“That’s it. Then, I get scared and I wake up.”  Rey makes a face and looks away.  “He’s dead.  It was just a bad dream.  That throne room fight . . . well, it was intense . . . “

 

Yes, it was.  For many reasons.  Kylo nods slowly and then he urges her again.  “Come to me, Rey.  Bring your sword and come to me.”   

 

Snoke wasn’t right about everything, but he was right to fear that a new breed of Jedi would rise.  That’s why Kylo needs a ploy to get Rey away from the Resistance Old Republic apologists who will want her as some sort of Jedi heroine mascot.  That’s just what his mother and the New Republic had done to his uncle years ago.  No doubt, Leia Organa is seeing Rey as her latest new hope.  And that’s counterproductive to his plans.  Kylo wants to cast aside old traditions and the time is finally ripe.  He has killed his master and his uncle had burned his own temple down.  Kylo is content to let the past die, never to rise again.  But that means Rey must not become some sort of quasi-Jedi at the Resistance’s behest. 

 

“I’ll help you with the sword,” he offers again.  “Lightsabers are trickier than they look.  We can work together, and we’ll get yours working well.”

 

But Rey’s not going for it.  She cocks her head and shoots him a look.  “I’ve seen your sword, remember?  It has wires hanging outside.  Don’t pretend, Ben.  You’re no expert on this craft.”

 

“I like it that way,” he is indignant.  “I built it specifically that way.  It’s patterned off an old design.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s mine and I can design my sword anyway I want.”  Kylo shakes his head at her.  “Skywalker didn’t teach you anything did he?”

 

He sees he’s hit a nerve.  “Not much.  He spent most of the time we had together trying to chase me away.   He didn’t teach me anything except that the Jedi needed to end but the Light would go on.”

 

Kylo nods.  “I think Skywalker and I would have agreed on a few things in the end.”  The Jedi do not have all the answers, Kylo learned long ago.  But then again, neither do the Sith.  Kylo Ren knows this better than anyone else, since in his young lifetime he has apprenticed to both religions.

 

“You tried to kill Luke on Crait.”  Rey’s condemnation is clear.

 

Kylo shrugs then smirks.  “He himself said it was time for the Jedi to end.  I was helping him out.”

  

“Well, where does that leave me?” she complains.  “I’m all on my own.  Your mother says she can’t teach me because she never formally trained.”  Scowling Rey looks down at the half-built sword and then looks away.  “I have this power that I don’t understand.  I thought Luke Skywalker would explain everything, but he did not . . .”

 

She sounds so deflated.   So like his younger Ben Solo self.  Once he too had been confused and looking to the great Luke Skywalker for answers and for help.  And Skywalker had largely brushed him away when it mattered most.   

 

Kylo looks Rey in the eye with true empathy now.  “Snoke didn’t have all the answers either.  Rey, there are real limitations to understanding the Force as just the Jedi and the Sith.  Things are more complicated than the rigid old traditions of Dark and Light.  And none of us is exclusively one or the other like the old religions like to think.”

 

“You are conflicted,” she says flatly.  With a note of triumph to her voice.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Snoke saw that.  He faulted you for that,” she persists.

 

“Yes.”  And here’s the catch:  “Skywalker also saw it.  He faulted me for it too.”

 

She looks confused now.  Probably because she’s fallen into the trap of thinking that having Light in you makes you ripe for some sort of grand moral redemption like Skywalker maintained Darth Vader had on the second Death Star.  It’s all a lie, Kylo knows.  The Sith Darth Vader saved his son from Darth Sidious to achieve his own aims, not to reassert some amorphous generic good.  But Luke Skywalker could never be convinced of that.  It didn’t fit the Jedi moral dogma he had been taught to believe.  That to be on the Dark Side means to be utterly miserable, selfish, and sadistic in all things, all of the time.  The Jedi version of the Sith is something like a cartoon villain, one dimensional and power obsessed.  It is far too simplistic an understanding of the awesome power of Darkness.

 

Kylo sums it up now for Rey.  He wants her to understand his own personal plight.   He has suffered to gain the wisdom he has now.  “Rey, Snoke saw the Light in me and called it weakness.  Skywalker saw the Darkness in me and called it dangerous.”

 

She thinks a moment.  “I saw the Light in you and I mistook it for hope.  I thought you needed help to overcome your Darkness.  I was wrong,” she sheepishly admits.  “You’re perfectly fine with your Darkness, aren’t you?  You’re happy to be the Supreme Leader now, right?”

 

“Yes.”  And now he can freely admit what he could never say with Snoke alive.  “I’m also okay with my Light.”  Kylo looks her in the eye.  “If you learn anything from me, Rey, learn this:  we are all conflicted at times.  To some degree, we are all a mix of Dark and Light.  Even you.”

 

She is quiet a long moment before she speaks up again.  “On my first lesson, Luke asked me to stretch out with my feelings and to tell him what I sensed.  And I sensed it all, Ben.  I sensed it all.  And somehow . . . that was wrong of me.”  She reveals this with frustration written all across her face.  “The first thing Luke did is yell at me for being drawn to a part of his island that was strong with the Dark Side of the Force.” 

 

Kylo nods.  He can only imagine how that scene had played out.  “Luke Skywalker feared Darkness,” he tells her.  “My uncle feared it in others and in himself.  It was a form of self-loathing, Rey.  He believed it and he taught me to believe it too.  My uncle taught me to hate myself.”

 

“Oh.”  She is taken aback.

 

“It’s true,” Kylo reveals unhappily.  For galling as it is, these bitter memories hurt to this day.  “And when I couldn’t do it—when I couldn’t repress that part of me—my uncle’s solution was to execute me.”  Fuck, it’s still hard to put this into words.  Years later, the utter betrayal of it all still feels so fresh.  He’s a man now, not a boy.  But when he thinks of that horrible night, he feels a teenager again.  Waking up to find his beloved uncle, his trusted teacher, with a sword at his neck.  Now, it’s Kylo’s turn to look away.  “That was the far kinder solution, Skywalker truly believed.  To save me from myself.  To save others from me.”

 

Rey considers a long moment before she somewhat ruthlessly observes, “You can see his point of view.   The First Order has killed a lot of people—”

 

“So has the Resistance.  Don’t kid yourself!” he roars indignantly.  Then he masters his temper.  Yelling at Rey won’t help his case.  Kylo needs her understanding more than anything else.  And raw as this conversation has become, perhaps it will help.

 

“It was about that time when my true heritage was publicly revealed.  I didn’t hear the truth from my Jedi Master or my parents, of course.  I learned that Darth Vader was my grandfather over the holonet news.  Rey, I . . . “   Kylo falters and sighs.  “For a long time afterwards, I was lost . . . very confused about what I was supposed to be . . . ”

 

She says nothing.  But she’s listening.  And that’s a start.  Kylo realizes suddenly that he’s never told anyone all of this.  But it feels good to unburden himself and so he continues.

 

“I was young and unquestioning back then.  Rey, I believed what I had been taught.  And with the truth of Darth Vader, it all became clear.  Why had Luke Skywalker thought I was better off dead than alive?  Because I was damned to Darkness by the original of sin of my Skywalker birth.  My family feared I would become what my grandfather was.  But rather than try to help me, their solution as to put me down like a rabid dog!”  Kylo pauses to regain composure.  His words are quiet and bitter now.  “Where else could I go for answers but to Snoke?” 

 

“You sought Snoke out?  That’s not what your mother said—"

 

“Oh, he was waiting in the wings.  Ready to pounce.”  Kylo gives Rey a sharp look now.  “Rey, Snoke was in my head for years on and off.  Like a persistent whisper of doubt.  Urging my natural tendencies on in subtle but effective ways.  So, you must tell me if your dreams of Snoke reoccur.”   Her dreams could just be fleeting nightmares.  But, then again, maybe not . . .   Yes, Snoke is dead.  But could he be some form of Force ghost now?

 

“How old were you when you met Snoke?” she asks.

 

“I was just a kid.  Maybe ten?  I don’t know.  It doesn’t matter.  For as long as I can remember, he was there in my mind.  I just didn’t understand it at the time.”   It took years for young Ben Solo to understand how effectively he had been seduced to the Dark Side.

 

Is she getting this, Kylo wonders.  Can Rey see that he is the real victim here?  That he is the kid kept in the dark about his heritage by a conspiracy of silence?  That he is the teenage trainee whose foster father tried to murder him in his sleep?  That he is the boy whose Force-strong mother had ignored his fears about his very real childhood bogeyman Snoke?  Too busy with her own ambitions to pay attention to her high maintenance son.  Han Solo hadn’t known what to do with young Ben Solo and he was in general a skeptic of the Force.  Even if his father had the inclination, Han Solo wouldn’t have been able to help.  The one person who could have helped—and should have helped—was Luke Skywalker.  But he hadn’t.  Because his blind faith in Jedi dogma had overcome his compassion for his nephew.

 

Fuck.  Suddenly, Kylo feels himself blinking back hot tears.  He’s humiliated, embarrassed and more.  But he can’t help it.  Kylo has always been the emotional type, but never more so than when he thinks back on this.  Many in the galaxy think him to be the ultimate villain.  To be a cold, unfeeling man.  They don’t know the truth of the man behind the mask.  And here he is, laying it bare to the woman who might be his greatest enemy or his strongest ally.  He’s still not sure which.

 

“Luke didn’t tell me all of this.  He just told me he felt responsible.”

 

“He was responsible.  Same as my parents were.”  Kylo scowls.  “My uncle blamed me.  My mother blamed Snoke.  My father didn’t bother to blame anyone.  He just walked away.”

 

“Oh, Ben.”  Rey looks increasingly uncomfortable now.

 

“Rey, if you had stayed with Skywalker, he would have let you down.  Maybe not the way he let me down, but in the end he would have disappointed you.”

 

Her face tells him that she agrees.  “That first lesson,” she recalls, struggling to find the right words.  “Well, he told me that I had a raw power he had only seen once before.  In you.”

 

Kylo nods.  There’s no denying this girl’s talent.  Even he can see that Rey is a peer unto himself.

 

“Luke told me it scared him.”

 

“I’m sure it did.  That’s probably why he didn’t teach you anything,” Kylo concludes.   “Rey, the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker I knew wanted the questions to be simple and the answers simple too.  But they aren’t.  And that’s where both the Jedi and the Sith went wrong.  Each tradition is full of platitudes to live by.  Do or do not.  Peace is a lie.  Once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  Both sides have their pithy bullshit and fearmongering they use to sum things up.  I know, Rey, because I apprenticed to them both.”

 

And now, Kylo works his way back to his big pitch:  “The Jedi and the Sith keep leading the galaxy back to the same conflicts.  There are no answers there.  There needs to be a new path forward for both Light and Dark.  Rey, that’s our job,” he urges.  “It falls to us as the new generation of the Force.”

 

Rey looks to him sharply.  “There is no us,” she hisses.  For whatever headway Kylo has made with this conversation, clearly it’s not enough.

 

Still, he ignores her objection and presses again.  “Bring the sword and come to me.  I promise you will be safe.  And I will let you leave whenever you want.”

 

“I’m no fool—”

 

“Sure, you are,” he counters calmly.  “You marched right into Snoke’s lair.  Rey, you’re a fool in the very best way.”

 

“Yeah?”  She raises an eyebrow.  “What way is that?”

 

“A fool full of Light, ready to take a chance for compassion’s sake.”  The fool that his much younger Ben Solo self had desperately needed once. 

 

“Well, it wasn’t enough to impress you,” she complains.  “If anything, Ben, you’ve grown more Dark.  You didn’t kill Snoke to save me,” she accuses, “You did it for yourself.”

 

He flashes a sly smile and does not deny it.  “Our interests were aligned.  I saw an opportunity and I took it.  That’s how deals get made.”  He smirks.  “But thank you for trying, Rey.  It’s been a long, long time since anyone believed I was worth saving.”  It’s true.  He was as confounded by her actions as he was impressed.  And he was sort of touched, too.

 

“Are you forgetting Han Solo?” Rey challenges him.

 

Whoops.  Yes, he was.  “He didn’t count.”

 

She shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest.  It’s very Leia Organa of her.  “You disappoint me,” she passes judgement.

 

He shrugs, unrepentant.  “Rey, you’re not the first to say that.”  Light Side or Dark Side, he’s been hearing that his whole life.   Well, he’s tired of being vilified for thinking about things differently.  And, look at him now.  Eat your heart out Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master.  Each your heart out, Snoke, Sith Master.  Look who’s the Supreme Leader now. With or without Rey’s help, Kylo Ren plans to rule the galaxy and remake the Force.  And then no one else will ever humiliate or scold him again. 

 

“Will you tell me if you dream of Snoke again?” he asks her.

 

“Snoke is dead.”

 

Kylo persists.  This is important.  “Promise me you’ll tell me if you keep having those nightmares.”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

“And get a bacta patch, will you?” he complains.  “Your arm could get infected if it doesn’t heal up quick.”

 

She shoots him a look.  “We don’t have any supplies, Ben.  There are no bacta patches here.  We blew through what we had on the _Falcon_ ’s first aid kit the very first day.  And we used those on people who were wounded far worse than me.”

 

“Then come here,” he reasons.  “I will give you all the bacta patches you want.  Come to me and we’ll fix your sword and your arm too.”  He holds out his hand to her now like he did on the _Supremacy_.  Like she had once before when they had actually touched physically across this Force bond.

 

He’s holding his breath thinking she might accept.  But no such luck.  “No thanks.”

 

And then the bond shuts off.


	4. Chapter 4

As usual, Rey is doing repairs on the _Falcon_ this afternoon.   A ship this old requires constant maintenance on all of its systems and drives.  So while the remaining Resistance senior command hashes things out down the hall, Rey gets to work.  Sometimes Chewie and BB-8 help, but not today.  Today, she’s on her own.  Well, not exactly.  The ship is overcrowded with people and Rey only has to walk a few meters either direction to find company. 

It has been a transition to go from her solitary life on Jakku to her current life among the Resistance.  For as long as she can remember, Rey longed for friends and family in the desert.   It has been a surprise to find that she craves alone time now that she lives among so many people in close quarters.   It makes her wonder if that’s part of why Ben still wears his mask.  He lives on those great ships that house tens of thousands, all of whom now serve at his command.  Is the mask a way for the young Supreme Leader under constant scrutiny to carve out a bit of privacy?  It’s a literal, physical barrier between Ben and other people, consciously designed to intimidate and provoke fear.  Rey has thought a lot about Ben’s tale of rejection from the other day.  At first, she wondered if he was manipulating her.  But somehow, she knows that he was telling the truth.  He had seemed so sincere.  Vulnerable too.  And that has Rey wondering if his mask is a way to preemptively reject others.  For surely, it tends to keep people at arm’s length.  They can’t hurt you that way. 

Ben had talked on and on about the Jedi and the Sith, but afterwards Rey’s impressions of the conversation were all focused on him.  About how Ben had spent years unsuccessfully trying to live up to others’ expectations.  As awful as it sounds, she thinks the deaths of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Snoke must feel very liberating for Ben.  And that leads Rey to wonder if Leia Organa’s days are numbered too.  For the Resistance General is the only part of Ben Solo’s past left to die.

That’s an unsettling thought.  Rey shakes off her reverie and gets back to work, fumbling for a harris wrench in her tool kit.   Rey has worked with her hands her entire life and she’s been working on the _Falcon_ since it was claimed by Unkar Plutt back on Jakku.  And so, this afternoon of maintenance tasks is a bit like cheap therapy for Rey.  Her life has changed dramatically in a few short weeks.  Now, her future feels so uncertain and scary.  She’s finding that small connections to her past are oddly comforting.   And so, she doesn’t mind spending hours getting her hands greasy on the _Falcon_.

But then the bond opens suddenly.  She’s looking squarely at Kylo Ren with his helmet off, his head bent forward, and his hands in his hair.  He looks like he’s seated at a desk surrounded by screens.  There are at least five datapads cluttering the desktop before him.

He looks up, as surprised as she.  “You.”  He says this like an accusation.

She lifts her chin.  “Were you expecting someone else?”

He pushes off the desktop and settles back in his chair.  He gives her an appraising look.  “I guess now is as good a time as any.  I was needing to take a break.”  He cocks his head at her and looks smug.  “Tell me, how are the murderers, thieves, and traitors at the Resistance?”

“Do you mean my friends?”

“Do you really call them that?”

“Of course.”

“They’re not really your friends.  You shouldn’t get too close to any of them.  They’re all going to die, Rey.”  He says this matter of fact. 

She looks away.

He continues.  “Besides, people like you don’t have lots of friends.  Loneliness makes you a loner, Rey.  Haven’t you figured that out?”

“It’s different living around so many people,” she concedes.  “But I’m getting used to it.”

He nods absently.  “You don’t need lots of friends.  People like you get close to only a few people and those relationships can be intense.”

“Are we talking about you or me?” she objects with a glare.  She doesn’t much care for him summarizing her life.

He shrugs.  “I just call it like I see it, Rey.  Don’t forget I’ve been in your head.”

And that’s one of many memories from Starkiller Base that Rey would rather not recall.  “Go away, Ben,” she dismisses him.  “Can’t you just disappear in the Force or something?”

“If I knew how to control this bond, I would,” he informs her.  “That way I wouldn’t turn around to find you ogling me half dressed.”

“What??”

“Don’t deny it.  I saw you looking.”

“Whatever,” she sighs.  This Force bond is getting old fast.  “I’m going to shoot myself if this happens someday when I’m in the shower or on the toilet.”

He just chuckles.  “Your forehead looks better today.”

Rey reaches up to touch the fading bruise.  “Yeah, it’s almost gone.”

“Show me your arm.”

“It’s getting better too.”  She turns some so he can see the healing gash near her shoulder.  She has it covered with gauze now.

“That’s not a bacta patch.”

“It’s the best I could do.”

“Come to me and we’ll fix you up properly.”

“No, thanks.”

“Hey, Rey, got a moment?”  It’s Poe Dameron looking for her.  He’s the charismatic pilot who never seems to be more than five paces away from General Leia.  He’s also something of the head cheerleader of the Resistance.  As usual, Poe has his affable BB-8 unit rolling behind him. 

“Oh, uh, yes . . . I guess.”  Rey is flustered.  How does she handle this?  She looks to Kylo involuntarily and he’s smirking at her alarm and discomfort.   Poe turns to see what she’s looking at and, apparently, he can’t see Kylo Ren.  Of course not, Rey realizes.  Because this Force bond connection is just between her and Kylo.  It’s not like when Luke Skywalker projected himself in the Force on Crait.

Kylo, however, can certainly see Poe.  “I know that guy.  We had him in custody.  He’s a pilot.  The best pilot in the Resistance, right?”

“Poe, can I come find you and we’ll talk then?” Rey says weakly.  “I’m almost done.”  She’s hoping to shut down this ill-timed conversation.  Like Kylo, Rey can’t control the bond.  She also doesn’t seem to be able to predict when her interactions with Kylo will begin and end.  “I’m just finishing up.”

Poe is undeterred.  “This will just take a moment.  The General sent me.”

“Oh, okay,” Rey says with an involuntary glance Kylo’s way.  This is getting worse.  Rey is not keen on having the Supreme Leader of the First Order listening in on whatever the Resistance General Organa has sent Poe to say.

“I saw that guy in his black X-wing on Takodana.  He’s pretty good, but I could outfly him any day,” Kylo sniffs.  “He’s nothing compared to me.”

“Hey, are you alright, Rey?”  Oblivious Poe is concerned.  “You seem a little off.  And you were really quiet at dinner last night.”  He steps closer and his voice softens.  “Is something wrong?”

Rey frowns and looks down.  “I’ve got a lot on my mind.  That’s all.”

“Finn noticed it too.  He’s worried about you.”

“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Rey repeats.

Her refusal to explain has the desired chilling effect.  But Poe takes her brushoff in stride.  “Yeah, okay.  Well, if you want to talk sometime, we could have dinner alone one night, Rey.”  Poe offers this with his usual engaging smile.  It’s very hard not to like this guy, Rey thinks.

“Okay, I’d like that,” she agrees.

She ignores Ben’s indignant outburst, “You would not!  He’s a loser and dead man!”

“So, what’s up, Poe?” Rey asks as she strips her greasy work gloves off her hands.

“Rey, you know that the senior leadership is working hard to get us new financial backers and fresh equipment so we can get a base up and running again ASAP—”

“Yes.”  The Resistance leadership has been scrambling to call in favors and raise funds to reequip itself.  So far, they have had minimal success.  The defeat at Crait followed by the First Order’s relatively unopposed march across the Core Systems has many longtime supporters reluctant to put up fresh cash.  And few new supporters are answering the call.  It has the Resistance leadership growing concerned that everyone can see the writing on the wall.  But their efforts continue unabated anyway.

Poe looks encouraged now.  “Hosnia tipped a few casually interested parties our direction who have been on the fence.  Rey, this could be the break we need.  If enough of these rich guys get together and agree to fund us, we could be back in business.  Finally, people in the Inner Core are really sitting up and taking notice of the First Order.”

“Because they are about to be invaded,” Rey cynically finishes his thought. 

“Liberated,” Ben corrects her through the bond.

“Well, yes,” Poe concedes.  “Look, we need to land this one backer in particular.  He’s rich like all the rest, but it’s more than that.  His business is munitions and starships.  He can get us what we need to build back an army.  Quickly, too.”

“Okay.  But what does this have to do with me?” Rey asks.  She’s terribly aware that Kylo Ren is observing this entire conversation.  If only the bond would just shut off abruptly like it usually does.  But no such luck.

Poe starts disclosing details.  “General Organa knows this guy from years back on the New Republic Senate Defense Committee.  He’s a closeted true believer in our cause even if his company also sells to the First Order.  He has a plan to funnel ships and arms to us off the books starting immediately.  But first we need to impress him enough to close the deal.”

“That’s a bad business move.  He’s about to lose his head and his company is about to lose their best customer.”  It’s Kylo chiming in again.

Poe gets to the point now.  “General Organa had him on a long com call this morning.  She fully briefed him on our current situation.  Rey, he asked to meet you.”

“Me?” she blinks.

“Yes.  You’re our Jedi,” Poe proclaims.

It makes her want to cringe.  “I’m not a Jedi!”

“That’s the spirit, Rey.  Tell this flyboy off,” Kylo drawls. 

Poe persists.  “You’re the closest thing we have to a Jedi, Rey.  You have the Force and you trained with Luke Skywalker—”

“Yeah, for like three days,” Rey protests.  And those three days were mostly useless in the end.

“You have the Force and you used it to save us on Crait,” Poe reminds her.  “It was amazing!”

“Rey?  Rey?”  Rey hears Leia Organa’s voice before the General herself rounds the corner to join them.  “Oh, there you are.  Good.  I see Poe found you.”

“General,” Rey nods respectfully, ignoring Kylo’s death stare aimed at his long estranged enemy General mother.

“Rey, you’ll be leaving within the hour,” the General informs her.  “You and Ematt will be our emissaries to our new backer.  I just need you to wave the flag a bit for our cause.  Be sure to conspicuously wear the sword.  You need to look the part of a Jedi, Rey.”

“But—”

Leia Organa forestalls her objections.  “This is important.  Without these credits and materials, we have no ability to fight back, Rey.  Look, I would go myself but I am busy tracking down other donors to the cause.  Can we count on you, Rey?”

“Uhmmm . . . but General, I’m not really a Jedi,” Rey sputters.  “And I can’t even get the sword to light up,” she admits weakly.

Leia Organa dismisses this concern.  “You have the Force and you’re on the good side fighting to restore the Republic and the Jedi Order.  That’s all this guy needs to know.”

“O-Okay,” she concedes.  Mostly because she doesn’t know what else to say.  And, she doubts it would matter anyway.  Leia Organa is very hard woman to say no to. 

“Ematt has all the details,” Leia Organa tells her.  “He will brief you on the way.”  Then she shoots Poe a pointed look, “It’s need to know.”  Turning back to Rey, the General finishes her orders. “I’m telling you what I told General Ematt, Rey.  Don’t come back until you have a deal.  We need this desperately.”

“O-Okay.”  No pressure, Rey thinks.  She’s supposed to appear as a Jedi representative on behalf of the Resistance to negotiate some arms deal.  She’s come a long way from finding a droid in the desert with the map to Luke Skywalker.  Now, everyone is expecting her to restore the Jedi Order that even Luke Skywalker wanted to end.  Beleaguered, slightly horrified Rey looks up and catches the eyes of Ben.  

“It’s okay,” he tells her through the bond.  “She’s always like this.  My mother never gives up until she gets what she wants and she usually takes things too far.”

“You’ll be great, Rey.”  Leia Organa gives her arm an encouraging pat.  “I know you won’t let us down.”  Then she and Poe Dameron depart down the passageway with BB-8 rolling behind.

That just leaves Rey squirming uncomfortably before Ben’s gaze.  “I’m not a Jedi . . . “  She’s starting to wish she had never laid eyes on Luke Skywalker and his warrior princess sister. 

“This is what it’s like to have the Force, Rey,” Ben tells her.  “Suddenly, people start looking to you to do things like save the galaxy and be a hero.  Welcome to my world.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this,” Rey says softly.

“I understand,” Ben replies.  She meets his eyes steadily for a moment of solidarity and then he moves on to his habitual sarcasm.  “And here I thought rebellions were built on hope,” Ben drawls as he settles back in his chair.  “It turns out that ships and guns are necessary anyway.  Thank you, Jedi Rey.  You’ve just betrayed the Resistance.  This is very useful intel.”

Rey doesn’t know what to do.  “I think I hate this Force bond,” she gripes miserably.

“Really?  It’s my new favorite thing,” Ben crows.  “I get to chat with a pretty girl and do some surveillance simultaneously.  Who says you can’t mix business with pleasure?”

“I can’t do this mission,” Rey rasps out.  “You could turn up right in the middle of it and see the whole thing.”

“Yes,” he flashes a sly smile.  “But even on a no-names basis, I have enough information now to find this backer.  If this guy’s company sells to us, it’s either Kuat, Incom, Seinar Fleet Systems, or CEC.  That’s a pretty short list.  Maybe I should jump on over to Kuat and put a missile through their CEO’s office.  Just to put him and the rest of his competitors on notice that I’m watching.”

“I’m going to go tell them,” Rey decides right then and there.  “I’m going to tell your mother everything about this bond.”

“Good idea.”

“She’ll throw me out,” Rey thinks aloud.

“Yes.  And then, you can come to me.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”  She shoots Ben a dirty look.

“Hey, we can fix your saber so it will actually light up.  Then you only have to pretend that you’re a Jedi.  You won’t also have to pretend that you have a lightsaber.”

Is this petty snark the way the First Order commanders relate to one another, Rey wonders.  If so, it’s tedious.  Rey takes a deep breath and declares, “I’ll be fine on my own.  I was fine on my own from age four.  I can certainly manage as an adult.”  She can handle this.  Survival and the Force are Rey’s two talents in life. 

Ben gives her a condescending look.  He’s every inch the Skywalker Force prince as he sneers, “You’re a nobody from nowhere, Rey.  You have no education, no work history, no credentials, no family, no connections, a Resistance past, and a First Order prison record.  Should I go on?  What makes you think any respectable company would hire you?”

Rey chafes at his disdain.  Ambitious elitist that he is, Ben Solo is missing the point entirely.  “I don’t need to be respectable.  I just need to survive.” 

“I offered you more than that,” he growls.

She just looks away.  “Are we back to this again?  Would you like me to reject you again?”  She knows it’s the wrong thing to say as soon as the words leave her mouth.  That was cold, she thinks.  She wishes she hadn’t said it but it’s too late. 

There is a long moment of uncomfortable silence.  And it’s almost like she can see the anger rising in Ben’s face.  He crosses his arms and looks down his long nose at her.  “When you tell my mother about the bond, be sure to tell her that that we are on our way to terminate you immediately.”

“W-What??”

He smirks.  “I told you that we know where the Resistance hides.  You don’t even have five minutes, Rey.  I have a cruiser who can be there immediately, the local police are already alerted to your presence, and I can track you wherever you jump.  There is no safe place in the galaxy for the _Millennium Falcon_ or any other ship you use.”

“We’ll take our chances,” Rey reflexively breathes bravado to hide her very real dismay.

“Rey, your cause is beaten.  It is useless to resist.  I hold all the leverage.  Face facts and move on.” 

She ignores this statement.  Instead, Rey runs through her options.  Sneak out now and make a run for it on-world here on her own, hoping to attract as little attention as possible to herself.  Stay and fight to the death with the Resistance.  Or run to Kylo Run.  Neither of those seem very appealing, but she has to decide now.

Self-preservation wins.  Rey jumps up, grabs her knapsack lying close by and starts stuffing it with a few tools and her bottle of water.

“I knew you weren’t a revolutionary at heart,” Kylo gloats as he watches her near frantic movements.  “Not staying to be martyred for the cause?   You’re right, Rey—you’re not a Jedi.”

“I’m a survivor!” she hisses.

“Then let’s cut a deal,” he tells her calmly.  “You can confess all to my mother and bring down the wrath of the First Order on what’s left of your terrorist friends.  No quarter, Rey.  They will all die.  Or, you can keep quiet and do this mission for my mother and I show continued forbearance to what’s left of the Resistance.” 

“None of which will matter if the new backer is busted and we don’t get his credits and equipment,” Rey reasons aloud.  “Things will be the same as they are now.  We will remain not worth the trouble of you chasing us down.”

Kylo nods approvingly.  “You catch on fast.”  Then, he shrugs, “I am happy to preserve the status quo for a bit longer.”

“But the price is leading this backer guy to his death,” Rey accuses.

“Yes,” Ben nods.  “Think of it as saving lives, Rey.  Without arms and equipment, there will be no more fighting.  And if this man has been in contact with my mother about arming the Resistance, he’s already taken the risk of treason.  He is no innocent, Rey.”

She starts playing the scenario out.  “And once you make a public spectacle of this guy’s execution, you will deter other would-be supporters from helping the Resistance.”

Ben nods.  “This is what’s called ‘containing the conflict’ in military jargon.  It’s de facto peace, even if there is no agreement for peace.”

“Peace,” she echoes his word softly.

“Yes, peace,” he purrs.  “You can’t win, Rey.  The last stand of the Resistance was on Crait.  The war is over.  I know you see that even if my mother and her zealots do not. My goal is to keep the war from flaring up again.  And that means keeping my mother from getting her hands on more credits and more guns.”

Ben looks her in the eye now.  “Make a choice for peace, Rey.  It’s time to move past this war and build a future.”

“This doesn’t feel like a peace negotiation,” Rey contends.  “It feels like an ultimatum.”

“It is.  Lead me to this new backer.  Then, if you want to confess this Force bond to the Resistance, go ahead.  In fact, I would prefer that you did.”  Ben pauses a moment to let that sink in before he prompts her, “Now, shall I call in an air strike or are we agreed that you will do this mission?  What will it be, Rey?”


	5. Chapter 5

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has no intention of wasting time chasing down the ragtag remnants of the Resistance.  Not when he’s so close to ruling it all.  He’s content to let his mother and her handful of diehards remain where they are, closely watched, and utterly ineffective.  His focus now is on subduing the Core Systems.  These aren’t Rim worlds where you can park a few star destroyers in the lower atmosphere, execute a few local officials, and declare the First Order in charge.  These are wealthy, populated, cosmopolitan worlds with their own defense forces.  Kylo is loath to peel off even a single cruiser from Coruscant to deploy it against the Resistance sulking in the Mid Rim.  No.  He will deal with them when convenient, Kylo has decided.  Plus, there is something very satisfying about making his mother irrelevant for the time being.  The whole galaxy waits with baited breath to see the Core fall to Kylo Ren and all Leia Organa can do is sit and watch it real time on the holonet.

 

Remember that little boy who you shuffled between nannies and assistants while you were gone for weeks at a time?  Remember the troubled kid who kept getting kicked out of one elite school after another until you finally sent him to his uncle for Jedi training?   He didn’t want to be a Jedi but that didn’t matter.   Remember the teenager who ran away time and again, hotwiring Luke Skywalker’s old T-65 X-wing to blast off in the night for parts unknown?   He was the worst student at the Jedi Academy even though he was the only one with Skywalker blood.  He was the lonely boy who his peers disliked and over time grew to fear.  He was the utter disappointment who would never amount to anything, or so you said.  Well, look at him now.  That screw up kid is about to rule the known universe.  Damn, he’s glad his mother survived that hit to the bridge.  It’s worth it for her to be alive to see what her prodigal son has become. 

 

But even if he won’t bother with the Resistance for now, Kylo cannot pass up the opportunity to arrest the would-be Resistance supporter.  Mostly because it holds the promise of Rey.  It turns out to be a simple job.  The Kuat CEO arranges to meet his Resistance contacts in deep space between the Kuat and Corellia systems.  It is an easy matter to track the small transport Rey is on to the rendezvous location.  Thirty seconds later, a First Order cruiser arrives to disable both ships and tow them in with the tractor beam.  Two hours later, the heavily guarded quartet of traitors is marched in handcuffs into the hangar bay of his flagship _Finalizer_ that orbits Coruscant.  Kylo leaves the bridge to meet them. 

 

He orders the Kuat CEO and his pilot dragged away for questioning.  That just leaves the stone faced whitehaired old veteran Caluan Ematt and Rey.  Ematt is a Resistance general now, Kylo sees.  The man is an old campaigner who has stood by his mother’s side since the Rebellion days.  That Ematt has lasted this long is nothing short of miraculous.  So in deference to his rank and long, impressive war record, Kylo spares the old guy a painful interrogation.  Instead, he lights his sword to decapitate him on the spot.  It’s as painless, instant, and honorable a death as Kylo Ren can give him. 

 

Rey watches in silence but her horrified face says it all.  Surely, she knew this was how things would proceed?   For all except her, of course.  Rey of Jakku with the Force is a special case.  The caped and masked Supreme Leader of the First Order beckons her forward.  “Come.”

 

“I won’t be your prisoner,” Rey spits out at him, her eyes blazing and her face intense.  It reminds him of her expression in Snoke’s throne room when she was forced to her knees for execution.  The wild, untamed true nature of this girl comes out time and again.  There is much anger in her, even if she won’t admit it.  And though she should be afraid of him, something tells Kylo that she is not.

 

He smiles behind his mask.  “Does that mean you are done being complicit?” 

 

Rey lifts her chin.  “I was never complicit.  You know why I am here.  I was forced to be here.”  She looks him over with contempt.  Again, she warns him, “I won’t be your prisoner.”

 

Does she think she will get the sword?  Not a chance.  Kylo steps forward.  “You are not my prisoner.  You are my guest.  Welcome aboard.“   And because he has no wish to have an argument with Rey before witnesses, Kylo simply waves his hand and steals her consciousness with the Force.  It would be a simple trick for her to resist had Skywalker taught her, but he did not.  And so Rey slumps and Kylo moves quickly to sweep her up into his arms.  Kylo pauses only to call her broken saber from a stormtrooper’s hand to his before he strides away.

 

He takes Rey to his private quarters, uncuffs her, and lays her on his bed.  He has a medic droid waiting at the ready to scan her.  Sure enough, that bruise on her forehead had an accompanying concussion.  The slice on her upper arm now needs layers of old fashioned stitches to close properly since no bacta patch was immediately applied.  The droid works its handiwork while Kylo watches and Rey sleeps.  When it is over, Kylo dismisses the droid, removes his helmet and gloves, and sits down to wait.

 

What is it about this girl?   It’s more than just her Force.  He grew up at his uncle’s Jedi Academy and he’s seen girls with the Force before.  His own mother has the Force.   It’s not her beauty either.  Rey is pretty in a fresh faced wholesome way but as far as he can tell she makes no effort on her appearance.  She is strong and lean so there is barely a curve on her body.  She more resembles a teenage boy than an adult woman.  Plus, she is very young.  Not even twenty.  That’s far too young for him.  So, what is it about this girl?  He still can’t decide.  But he’s captivated.  From the moment Rey had started shooting at him in the Starkiller woods, he had known this girl was special. 

 

Kylo could rouse her with the Force but he’s enjoying this too much.  Just the sight of Rey in his bed arrests him.  He’s never had a woman in his bed before.   He wants to touch her.  Maybe to lay down beside her.  But he resists.  He knows she wouldn’t like it.   And today, he is angling for her goodwill.

 

“Where am I?” Rey comes awake with a start and instantly her wide eyes find him.

 

“You are safe,” he tells her.  Then he repeats it again.  “You are safe.  No one will hurt you.”

 

“Where—”

 

“You’re on my flagship above Coruscant.  These are my quarters.  It’s just us here.”

 

“Oh.”  She sits up and peers over at her injured arm, reaching to finger the new bandage.

 

“It will heal.  The medic droid stitched you up.”

 

“It feels numb.”

 

He nods.  “It will be like that for a few hours.”

 

She flexes her arm gingerly and mumbles, “Thanks, I guess.”  Then, she asks about her Kuat contact.  “What will happen to the pilot and the business guy?”  

 

Kylo answers truthfully.  “They will get a very public execution after we extract all the useful information that we can.  I will be making an example out of them to deter others.”

 

He can tell by her expression that she’s not surprised but she is disappointed.

 

He feels the need to explain himself now.  “Rey, this is a war.  What I did at Crait . . . what I am doing now . . . I’m trying to end it.  Gunrunners and arms dealers like the Kuat guy who want to play both sides will only prolong the inevitable and increase the death toll.  In the end, those guys get rich off others’ suffering.”  He looks Rey in the eye and shares a truth of life under his new regime.  “Being a leader means making hard choices for the greater good.  There must be consequences for opposing me.”

 

She gives him a glare that tells him just how unhappy she is to be here.  “Yes,” she gripes, “I know.  Your mother is not prepared to surrender,” Rey tells him what he already knows.  That’s why he had ordered no quarter at Crait.  You can reason with a normal enemy.  But you can’t reason with a warmonger like Leia Organa who has nothing left to lose. 

 

But Rey does and Kylo knows that she’s a survivor at heart.  “Are you prepared to give up the fight?” he asks her plainly.

 

She hesitates a long moment before answering with a sigh.  “I’m thinking about it.”

 

That’s progress, he sees, so he lets the issue drop for now.  “Want some water?” he asks her, moving on to more trivial things.  “Are you hungry?” 

 

“No, thanks,” she responds as she scoots from his bed to stand.  She’s nervous, he sees.  Wiping the palms of her hands on her pants. 

 

“I won’t hurt you, Rey.  You are safe,” he assures her again.

 

“Yeah, okay,” she sounds unconvinced. 

 

She looks around at his dimly lit quarters.  They are not much to see.  A lot of dark grey military issue furnishings with the _Finalizer_ ’s red and blue recessed lights.  Kylo likes to keep the lights low so that the starlight from the large panoramic windows lights the rooms.  It makes it feel more peaceful here on his warship.  More private too. 

 

He watches Rey walk over to the large table that is lit by a bright spotlight from above.  On the table are a lot of delicate tools and both of their lightsabers. 

 

“What’s this?” she asks, turning to him.

 

“I promised to help you with your sword, remember?” he answers as he crosses the room.  “Here, sit,” he pulls out a chair and then takes up the one opposite her.  “Let’s get to work.”

 

He picks up his sword first and then hers to remove the hilt plate and reveal the inner workings.  Then, laying them side by side, he methodically walks her through the mechanics.  Pointing out the power cell, the focusing lenses, the crystal, the insulator, the activator, and the emitter that form the basics of any lightsaber.  He tells her the rich lore of Force-attuned kyber crystals.  He explains how personal swords became for many Jedi and Sith.  How they were full of special customizations and adjustments to fit the user’s preferences and fighting style.  But the personalization didn’t stop there, he explains.  Kylo raises his sword with the Force and it separates into its component parts for him.  As the separated saber hovers above both their heads, Kylo shares how to meditate on the crystal as part of the sword’s construction.  Not on its mechanics, but on its meaning to you.  On the purposes for which you will wield it.  That meditation resonates with the crystal, he explains.  And sometimes it changes the crystal in shape, in size, or in color.  The crystal is an organic thing and it responds to the Force.  When the Force in you speaks to the Force in the crystal, the saber truly becomes yours.  You can wield another’s lightsaber by simply turning it on.  You don’t even need the Force to use one.  But only through the Force does a saber become intrinsically yours, he shares. 

 

“My crystal is cracked and somewhat instable,” he admits as he points above their heads.  “It’s basically the same sword and the same crystal that I had as a Jedi Padawan, only back then the crystal was blue.”

 

“Blue?” She’s surprised.

 

“Yes.  When I began to study the Dark Side and to connect with the Force through strong emotion rather than peace, the crystal responded by turning red.  In the process, it cracked.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“There is actually an old Sith ceremony to bleed a lightsaber crystal and declare it for Darkness.  But I never bothered with that.  And I never wanted to upgrade the broken crystal.  It’s mine, Rey.  I’ve had it for years.  And it reflects who I was and who I am.”

 

She smiles across the table and arches one eyebrow as she suddenly teases him.  “You mean a little bit cracked?”

 

He smiles sheepishly back. 

 

Then he waves his hand to reassemble his sword and they both turn their attention to hers.  Rey has the focusing lenses out of alignment and one is flipped backwards, but that is easy to fix.  The new casing is fine, he tells her, but she should probably add some grips if she’s not going to wear gloves.  Satisfied with those few changes, he hands it over and tells her to fire it up.  The sword activates with that distinctive and oh so familiar snap-hiss.  It casts an eerie blue glow across her skin.  But more importantly, it brings a beautiful, beaming smile to her face. 

 

Oh, yes, he is captivated.

 

“These were elegant weapons,” he shares as he watches her walk apart a bit and try a few swings.  She looks good waving that sword.   “A saber is hard to master but deadly to use.  To wield a lightsaber set a person apart from the crowd.”  He watches a few seconds longer before he intervenes.  “It’s too long for you.  We need to fix that.”

 

She shrugs.  “It’s fine.  It doesn’t feel long.  I’m used to a much longer staff.”

 

“This isn’t a big stick,” he corrects her sternly.  “You will hurt yourself using too long a sword. Darth Vader was my height.  You’re not even close.   So let’s adjust it so you don’t lose a limb.”

 

“Okay,” she relents.

 

“Hold it down and to the side,” Kylo instructs as he walks a perimeter around her.  “The blade needs to clear the ground so you can have full range of motion for your swing.”

 

“Yeah, I see. It is too long.”  She deactivates the sword and hands it over to him.

 

Huddled over the table, he shows her how to make the adjustment.  “The emitter right here can be amplified or decreased to determine the length of the blade. Here,” he hands it back.  “Try this.”

 

“That’s better,” Rey acknowledges as she swings up and over in circles.

 

“Good.  When you come back, Rey, maybe I will teach you my favorite spin.”  He flashes a lop-sided smile.  “With swords, it’s all about the spin.”  She laughs and he laughs.  But again, he is serious now.  “Meditate on the crystal, Rey.  Make the sword your own.”

 

She extinguishes the blade and turns back to him.  “Meditate?  Is that the ‘stretch out with your feelings and breathe’ bit?  Because we only did that once.”

 

“Yes, that’s it.”  Rey doesn’t even understand meditation, he realizes.  Luke Skywalker has taught her absolutely nothing and yet she is this powerful.  Looking over at the skinny girl holding what’s left of his grandfather’s sword, Kylo wonders now what she will one day become.  Rey needs a teacher.  Hell, so does he probably.  Except there is no one.  They will have to teach themselves.  And that is a daunting task.  He fears that if they do not ally to help one another, his reign as Supreme Leader will usher in a Dark Age of the Force.  With precious knowledge lost for centuries and having to be rediscovered anew.

 

Rey takes his comments as her cue to leave.  “Thank you for the help with the sword.  And for my arm too.  I guess I’ll be going,” she tells him as she fidgets.  “Except, I don’t know how to leave.  Er . . . I don’t suppose I can get a lift back to the Resistance?”  She’s sort of serious, he sees with a start.

 

But they’re not done yet.  “Wait,” he tells her.  “Don’t go.  Not yet.  I want to show you something first.”  He beckons her forward.  “Come.”

 

She follows him into an adjacent room that he keeps locked with the Force.  Here is where he keeps his most prized possession next to the castle on Mustafar.  As they walk in together, Rey immediately sees the treasured relic laying on the plinth. 

 

“Oh.”  The word doesn’t tell him as much about her reaction as her sudden intake of breath. 

 

“Recognize it?”

 

“Yes.” Rey turns amazed eyes to his.  “Where did you get this?”

 

“I dug it up on Endor years ago,” he reveals.  “Darth Vader died on the second Death Star but Skywalker saved his body and built a funeral pyre for him on the Endor moon.”  Kylo shakes his head at the insensitivity of it all.  Only dogmatic Luke Skywalker would immolate in death a man who had suffered so profoundly after being immolated in life.  But Luke Skywalker had been tone deaf like that a lot.  The Jedi tradition was to cremate their dead and so he would burn Anakin Skywalker a second time.  The were no exceptions to the Jedi way for earnest Master Skywalker.

 

“Wow.” Rey gives him a wary look.  “He’s not—”

 

“No.  He disappeared into the Force.  Many of the most powerful Force-users lose their bodies upon death.  They literally become one with the Force.  It’s where the old saying comes from.”

 

Rey walks into the room further to have a closer look.  “I would sometimes imagine him walking the bridge of some of the Jakku wrecks.  Vader commanded the Imperial Navy, right?”

 

“Yes.  Among other things.”  Darth Vader, the erstwhile Anakin Skywalker, had been many different things during his rather short life.  A slave boy bought and freed by a Jedi Master who happened to be passing through the Outer Rim, his grandfather rose to greatness or infamy, depending how you see it.  For no one knows better than Dark Sider Kylo Ren, the former Jedi Padawan Ben Solo, that truth is indeed a point of view.  There is so much he wants Rey to understand about Darth Vader but one thing rises to the forefront now.  And it is a topic very much on his mind.  And something this untutored girl should know.

_“_ Rey, my grandfather was the Chosen One.  The child born to bring balance to the Force.” 

 

“The Chosen One?”  Rey, of course, isn’t familiar with the concept.  Skywalker taught her nothing.  So she turns to him with questioning eyes.  So eager to learn, she is.

“The prophesy of the Chosen One is as old as the Jedi Order itself,” Kylo explains.  He quotes the prophesy now:

 

_In the time of greatest despair,_

_a child shall be born_

_who will destroy the Sith_

_and bring balance to the Force._

 

“There are a couple of different versions of the wording,” he tells her.  “But that’s the one most commonly used.  There’s another version in the Jedi Journal of the Whills.  It speaks of resolving gray through refined Jedi sight.”

 

She squints at him.  “Refined Jedi sight?  What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Who knows?” he complains.  “That ambiguity is typical of the Jedi.  They liked things simple and deep.  But I think that’s just confusing.  The Force is mysterious enough itself.  We don’t need learning about the Force to be any harder than it already is,” he gripes.  Then he urges Rey, “Focus on the bigger picture that there will come a messiah of the Force to reconcile the Dark and the Light.  The Jedi High Council thought that was the point of the prophesy:  that in the end, the Chosen One would unify us all.”

 

Rey looks confused.  “But Darth Vader didn’t unify the Force.  He helped the Emperor hunt down and murder the Jedi Knights.  He destroyed the old Jedi Order.  Er . . . right?”

 

“Right.  And later he destroyed Darth Sidious and himself in the process.  Taking out the two reigning Sith Lords.”

 

“Well,” Rey thinks a moment before she looks to him.  “I guess he did bring a balance of sorts.  Vader took out both sides.”

 

“Exactly.”  Kylo turns to Rey to explain, “That was the first time the Jedi and the Sith ended.  Back then, Luke Skywalker was the last man standing.  Rey, that was my uncle’s chance to start something new.  To find the balance that so many had died to achieve.  But Skywalker clung to the old Jedi ways and tried to recreate them.  It was a mistake with far reaching consequences.”

 

“And so . . . it all repeated again,” Rey breathes out her sudden realization.  Yes, she understands.  She gets it.  Rey’s wide eyes raise to find his as she starts talking it through.  “Skywalker restarted to the Jedi Order and Snoke appeared on the scene.  Jedi and Sith once more.  And this time it was Vader’s grandson who betrayed the Jedi and burned the temple.  This time it was you who fell to the Dark Side.  And we had yet another civil war.”

 

Kylo nods.  “Skywalker versus Skywalker again.  Once it was Anakin Skywalker leading the Empire against his two children leading the Rebellion.  Now it is those children leading the New Republic against me trying to recreate the Empire.”

 

Rey nods and starts continuing the train of thought.  “And now that Skywalker and Snoke are dead—”

 

“The Force has given us a second chance to make the right decision,” he finishes.  Kylo is excited now as he tells her, “Even stubborn old Luke Skywalker understood this time around—that it is time for the Jedi to end.”

 

Rey lowers her chin and gives him a very serious look.  “You’re saying that I shouldn’t become a Jedi, is that it?”

 

“Yes.  And that I should abandon the ways of the Sith.  We can be Light and Dark but we will no longer be Jedi and Sith.”

 

“Does that mean you will stop recreating the Empire?” she challenges him.

 

“Maybe, in some ways, yes,” he agrees.  “That’s probably part of it too.  If the goal is balance, then we need to avoid extremes in both the Force and in politics.”

 

“The First Order is very extreme,” Rey tells him outright.  “Just look at Hosnia and Starkiller Base.”

 

“Agreed.” Kylo himself is no fan of superweapons, but that was not something he could tell Snoke.  “I’m in charge now, Rey.  That means I can make reforms.  Once this war is over, things will change.”

 

Rey glances over at the Vader mask and then back at him.  “You can start by firing Hux.  That guy is a nut.”

 

“Yes.”  He’s more than happy to fire Hux.  And this is the sort of pragmatic, concrete advice Kylo wants.  “Rey, this is what I need.  I want you as the champion of the Light to bounce ideas off of.”

 

“You want me to be your consultant?” she blinks.  “Ben, I can’t help you rule your new Empire and I can’t help you balance the Force.”

 

“Yes, you can,” he persists.  “It will take Light and Dark together to succeed.  That’s the whole point of why Skywalker couldn’t do it on his own after Endor.  Don’t you see now why I want your help?”

 

“No, not really,” she admits, shaking her head.  “I know nothing about politics, Ben.  And I have no education in the Force or in anything else.  I never even went to school.”

 

“I don’t care about that.  Book learning doesn’t make you smart.”

 

“Ben, what could I possibly add to this?  It seems like you’ve got it all worked out.”

 

Does it?  “Don’t be fooled,” he rasps.  “Rey, I don’t have all the answers.  I need your help.”

 

“You are asking me to be complicit again, aren’t you?” she accuses now.  She looks nervous again as she starts physically backing away.  “You want me to join the First Order, right?  To turn to the Dark Side with you.”

 

“No,” he tells her firmly.  “I only want you in the Light.  And you don’t have to join anything officially.  You just have to be my ally in this.”  She’s skeptical, he sees.  And that’s not surprising.  Today has been a lot to take in.  “Just think about it,” he tells her.  “Promise me that you will think about it.”  And now he goes in for his final press.  “Rey, the galaxy needs you in this.  Don’t let the Dark Side dominate.  Step forward and represent the Light.”

 

“Alright,” she concedes, “I’ll think about it.”  She turns back to the mask now.   Rey awkwardly tries to change the topic.  “So . . . what was Darth Vader like?”

 

This is a home question for Kylo.  For despite all the history books he’s read and the firsthand accounts from Imperial and Rebellion veterans alike, Kylo still has no idea who the man behind the mask really was.  His family never mentioned their longtime foe.  It wasn’t until the whole truth of the Skywalker family tree came out that Kylo understood why.  He looks down on his grandfather’s half-melted mask now.  Gazing upon the one kindred spirit who might have completely understood Ben Solo/Kylo Ren. 

 

“What was Vader like?” he parrots her question.  “I wish I knew.”

 

There are many ways to see tragedy in the life of Anakin Skywalker.  But for Kylo, one loss stands out amid all the rest:  that the wisdom of Darth Vader died with him on the second Death Star that day.  And so, when Lord Vader’s lost and struggling grandson confronted the very same issues years later, there was no one to guide his way.  Kylo knows he has made all the same mistakes as his revered grandfather.  Maybe even more.  But he got one thing right that his grandfather did not—he survived the throne room showdown with his master.  And that means that he—Kylo Ren—gets a chance to do what his grandfather did not:  to balance the Force.

 

Kylo looks over and sees Rey looking at him closely.  Again, she has so much compassion in her face.  All that Light is blazing out of her just like it had in Snoke’s throne room that day.  Rey knows very little about the Skywalkers and even less about the Force.  But it’s clear that she understands now how important Darth Vader is for him.   He’s the one hero Kylo has left.

 

 

For the first time in his life Kylo does not have a parent or a master to guide his way.   Finally, he is his own boss.  But now more than ever, he desperately needs a friend.  If he can earn Rey’s trust, he wonders, could she believe in him?  He needs someone to believe in him.  And so, Kylo recklessly plows forward with more uncomfortable truths. 

 

Staring down at Darth Vader’s mask, he confesses:  “I have spent much of my life being torn apart between warring sides of the Force.  Torn between the pull to Darkness and the call to the Light.  Veering first one direction and then another.  Vader was the same way.  My uncle said that when he first met his father he could sense the conflict within him.  That he could sense his father's vulnerability to the Light.” 

 

“I sense the same in you.  Here.  Now.” 

 

“My uncle said that conflict gave him the hope that Vader could be redeemed. But Luke Skywalker was wrong.  Darth Vader wasn't redeemed.”  These words come out adamant.  For this is the key issue his uncle had gotten terribly wrong.  “My grandfather died in the Light before he could be tempted again by the Dark Side.  Vader would never have remained permanently in the Light.  But my uncle refused to admit that.  Because to do so would have meant to admit to the variability in himself.”  

 

“Because we are all Dark and Light,” Rey finishes the thought.

 

“Yes.  And none so conflicted as the Skywalkers,” Kylo sighs.  “It never ends, Rey,” he confides.  “I give in to the Dark and I am called to the Light.  But even my uncle who was so committed to the Light was tempted by Darkness.  He hid it from his students, but we saw it all the same.  The Force is a fluid continuum.  And we Skywalkers exist somewhere in the middle.  All our lives we exist in temptation one way or the other.  My grandfather started in the Light, fell into Darkness, and then returned to die in the Light.  I too have been both Light and Dark.  And my uncle . . . well, Luke Skywalker had far more Dark tendencies than he cared to admit.” 

 

Rey looks more confused than ever.  “So what does all of this mean?”

 

“It means that both the Jedi and the Sith need to end.  Because both religions promote archetype ideals that are unattainable and extreme.”  His voice is hard and bitter now.  “No one should be taught to repress and to hate a natural part of themselves.”

 

“Okay.”  Ignorant Rey easily dispenses with a thousand generations of tradition in the Force.  She doesn’t know any of it, so she can’t comprehend how truly revolutionary this idea is.  But Kylo does.  And it scares him. 

 

Rey looks to him now.  “So . . . now what?”

 

“That’s what we need to figure out.”

 

“There is no ‘we’—”

 

There she goes rejecting him again.  “Rey, you do not yet realize your importance.  You are part of the future, whether you like it or not.”

 

“About that . . .   I am thinking about leaving the Resistance.  I grew up scavenging in the wreckage of war.  I’ve seen enough war.  And if I stay with the Resistance, you will only manipulate our bond to your advantage.  We will be enemies, Ben, if you manipulate me again like you did today.”

 

“I want you as an ally, not an enemy.”  He really, really doesn’t want to kill this girl.  From back at their first meeting on Takodano to that failed interrogation and even later after the battle in the woods when she kicked his ass, he has never wanted to kill Rey.  If anything, he’s drawn to her.  That seems to be the right answer, he thinks, since the Force keeps throwing them together time and again.  “Be my ally, Rey,” he urges again.

 

“I don’t think we can be allies.”

 

“Why not?” he demands.  Is he whining?  It sounds like he is whining.  He makes an effort to sound more commanding and gruff.  “Rey, you didn’t accidentally find a droid in the desert with a map to the last Jedi.  My grandfather’s long-lost lightsaber didn’t accidentally call to you.  We don’t accidentally have this Force bond continuing after Snoke’s death.  This is the Force at work!  Causing our paths to cross again and again.”

 

“When you talk like this, you are so compelling,” she half-wails, “But then I see you coldly execute men!  I don’t want to be a part of that!  Look, I don’t think we can be allies.  I don’t think we can be anything, Ben.”

 

“Why not?”  She may not share his politics, but Rey shares things that no one else shares with him.  Namely, the Force.  But she also knows his family and his past, she flies the _Falcon_ , she battled with Snoke.  That counts for something, right?  He needs a friend and this girl is his best chance at that.  Plus, he wants to feel less alone in all this.  For as long as Kylo can remember, he has been tasked with living up to other people’s legacies.  His war hero parents, his Jedi Master uncle, later his fearsome Sith grandfather.  It’s a lot.  And though the galaxy might see Kylo Ren as the conquering Supreme Leader of the First Order, there is a frustratingly large part of him that is crippled by insecurities.  Snoke had said so himself, calling him a child in a mask.  That insult had hurt because it was true.  Beneath it all, Kylo Ren is a boy who was a Jedi screwup first and then a disappointing acolyte of Darkness.  Part of him worries that all his iconoclast ideas on balance are just a means to explain away his own inadequacies.  And so, he wants Rey along for the ride as moral support.

 

“Why not??” she echoes his question and sounds shrill.  “Have you forgotten Han Solo and Luke Skywalker?  Have you forgotten what happened in Snoke’s throne room?  Maybe someday, Ben, but not now.  I might like you, but I don’t trust you.  And I’m afraid of your violence.  You’re so . . . dangerous . . . ”  Rey suddenly looks as if she might burst into tears or stab him with her sword.  He’s not sure which.  “Look, I want to go.  Now!”

 

Instantly, he agrees.  Not because he wants her to go but because he wants to promote her trust.  So he sticks Rey in a long-range TIE that is fully fueled up.  The cover story is that she alone survived the First Order trap with the would-be Resistance backer.  And that is believable since she’s the only one with the Force.   You stole the TIE to make it back to the Resistance, he explains to Rey as they stand together in the busy hangar bay.  Dump the ship, tell them goodbye and then leave, he instructs. 

 

It must come out a little too much like a command because she bristles.  “I’ll make my decision when I’m ready, Ben.”  This independent scavenger doesn’t like being told what to do.  It’s very womanlike of her, actually.  So he tries one last appeal.

 

“Han Solo told me that Snoke was using me.  That Snoke would crush me in the end.  He was wrong.  For years now, I have been using Snoke.  His credits financed the First Order that is my tool for ascension.  I had been waiting for that opportunity in the throne room for a long time.  I just never guessed it would involve you.  You . . . a scavenger nobody full of Light who appeared one day to find Luke Skywalker.  And then you marched into Snoke’s lair trying to save me.  Something no one else would ever dare . . . ”  Is she getting this?  Does she not see how this is the Force at work?  There are no coincidences, there is no luck, there is only the Force.  Working through them both.  “But I see now that it is fitting. Without you there, it would be the repeat of the same old Sith trope of the apprentice killing his master.  You, Rey, are what is going to make it different this time around.”  He looks down into her bright eyes and tells her again, “I need your help.”

 

She raises an eyebrow and cocks her head.  “So you’re using me now, is that it?”

 

“No . . . no,” he shakes his head in frustration.   “That’s not it at all.  We’ll be heroes together, Rey.” 

 

She just looks away, wary and unconvinced.  The Light can be stubborn like that. 

 

He’s said all he can for today.  It’s time for her to leave and think on her own.  “You need to get far away from the Resistance,” he warns.   “If you hang around that crowd much longer, you might end up dead.”  Then he shoves a bunch of fully loaded credit cards in her hands and sends her away.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey arrives back to the Resistance hideout in a grungy docking bay on a third-tier city on a Mid Rim world.  She tells the tale that Ben had suggested about her narrow escape in the stolen ship after the others were captured.  Everyone believes her because everyone trusts her.  They think she’s a Jedi after all.  She is debriefed by Poe Dameron and another senior officer and then they politely leave her alone.  It must be obvious that she is upset and needs time to think, but they draw the wrong conclusions as to why.

 

Half an hour later, General Leia Organa finds Rey hanging out alone in the far back freight area of the _Falcon_.  Ben’s mother doesn’t ask permission, she just pulls up a chair.  It’s a silent invitation to talk. 

 

After a quiet moment together, Leia Organa observes with a sigh, “That mission didn’t go well.”

 

Actually, you have no idea how badly that went, Rey thinks to herself.  But she speaks up to agree.  She is not ready to reveal the truth of her predicament with Ben and the Force bond.  So Rey sticks to the script.  “No, it did not.  I’m lucky to be alive thanks to the Force.”

 

“The Force,” the General repeats.  She sighs and makes a face.  “Rey, don’t take this the wrong way, but I have a love/hate relationship with the Force.”

 

“Is that why you didn’t train as a Jedi?” Rey asks.  “Because you don’t like the Force?”  Rey is curious as to why this woman declined to develop her power.

 

“It was mostly because I wanted to have a family,” Leia Organa reveals.  “Back then, I was in love with Han and we wanted to get married.  Traditionally, Jedi were celibate. That sort of dimmed my enthusiasm for Jedi training.”

 

“Oh, right. I forgot.”  Rey does kind of remember something about the Jedi Knights being nuns and priests of the Force.  Truthfully, much of what Rey knows about the Jedi is from fairytale stories on the holonet and some of what the Church of the Force people back on Jakku used to proselytize in the Niima Outpost. 

 

“I was also interested in other things at the time.  I was so excited to set up the New Republic,” the General recalls wistfully.  “I had been working behind the scenes in the Rebellion for my father Bail Organa since I was a teen.  When we finally defeated the Empire, it felt like a dream come true, Rey.  It also helped to make his loss and the loss of Alderaan more bearable.  Because we knew that nothing like that would ever happen again . . . or so we thought.”  Leia Organa lets out a long sigh and locks eyes with Rey as she reminisces.   “It was a time of hope and excitement.  A time when all things felt possible.  Suddenly, the future was now and it was ours.  I knew I had the Force but I was far more interested in governing.  I thought I would serve the Republic in a different way than Luke did.  He was the Jedi of the family.  I was the politician and diplomat.  Together, we were going to do our best to right the wrongs that Darth Vader had done to the galaxy.  We would atone for his sins.”

 

“The First Order knows where we are,” Rey blurts out now.  “That’s how they found us on the mission—we were tracked from here to the rendezvous spot.”  Rey finally has the ability to share this information now that she can explain how she knows it other than from Ben over the Force bond.

 

“I know.  I read the report.”

 

“Any minute now, they could be here!” Rey had agreed to go along with Kylo’s ruse and to sacrifice the Kuat CEO in order to save what was left of the Resistance.  But she worries that it will all be for nothing in the end.  Not unless the Resistance can form an escape plan.  But all urgency to flee seems to be lost on the old warrior princess at her side.   Seeing stalwart Leia Organa being this reflective and beleaguered at a time like this is alarming to Rey.  “They could be here any time and we’ll all be dead!” Rey doesn’t mince words.

 

“Yes, I know.”

 

“Are you going to tell the others that?” Rey demands.

 

“Yes.  They have a right to know.”

 

“So . . . what are we going to do?”

 

“In ten minutes, I’m going to convene a meeting of everyone and relay the bad news.  Those who want to run on their own can run.  The rest can stay here with me.”

 

“You’re staying??”

 

“Yes.  I’m tired of running.  Rey,” the General reaches over to take her hand and squeezes gently, “When you get as old as I am, you will understand.  I’ve never been the type to give up or to give in.  I am prepared to make a last stand if it comes to that.”

 

“Like Luke?” Rey whispers.  “You would stay here as bait while the others flee?”

 

“Yes,” Leia Organa answers simply.  “The cause of freedom matters more than any one person.  It will go on after I am gone.  Our distress call to our allies in the Outer Rim will eventually provoke a response.  You’ll see.  Have faith, Rey.  Darth Vader and his Emperor could not drive away hope and neither will Kylo Ren.”  The famous rebel princess, a woman who her whole life has been a lightning rod of controversy, is a bit bitter now as she tells Rey wryly, “One day, this galaxy will run out of Skywalkers.  Maybe then, we will have peace.”

 

Rey says nothing.  She doesn’t know what to say.

 

“I’m an old woman now, but I was your age once.  I had my whole life ahead of me back then.”  The General squeezes her hand again and it’s such a motherly gesture that it suddenly brings unexpected tears to Rey’s eyes.  “Nothing has turned out like I planned.”  Wise old Leia Organa smiles sadly and Rey can’t help but think that this woman is still beautiful in her statesman years.   She’s wearing her elegant dark cape and dress still, with tasteful jewelry and braided, coiffed hair.  Looking at her, Rey sees that Leia Organa may be a general and a Senator but she’s foremost a princess through and through.  But she’s a Skywalker princess.  And Rey knows enough now to know that carries a heavy burden of regret and guilt. 

 

Looking down at their clasped hands, Leia Organa says softly, “I have lived long enough to see all my life’s work destroyed.  The New Republic, my marriage, my husband, my brother, my son.  And so many friends and colleagues along the way.  Rey, everything I have ever cared about is gone.”  It is a devastating statement of loss from a woman who has spent a lifetime fighting for a future that never came.  The fact that she speaks of it so calmly and so composed is perhaps the most awful part of it, Rey thinks.

 

But Rey has her revealing conversation with Ben still very much on her mind.  So she can’t help but ask, “Was it in that order?”

  

“What?”

 

“Did Ben come last?  After everything else?” Rey wants to know.

 

It’s an inappropriate question, but Leia Organa thinks a moment and answers it anyway.  “Yes.  Yes, I suppose he did.” 

 

The guilt on the older woman’s face is heartbreaking.  Rey instantly looks away.  “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have asked—”

 

“I thought I could do it all.  Govern the galaxy, be happily married, and be a good mother.  Anyone of those jobs is hard, but all three together was too much.  Women can have it all, but not in every circumstance.  You need the right job, the right man, and the right kid to make it all work.  And even then, it is really hard.  I didn't have that setup, Rey.  Politics is a 24-7 job.  Han was never around.  Ben was too needy.  But I tried, Rey.  I really tried,” she sighs.  “When I am gone, that’s how I want people to remember Leia Organa:  that whether it was in the Senate, in a war, or with my family, I tried my best to do what was right.  Even if I didn’t win, I fought the good fight.  And I sacrificed to do so.  I lost far more than many people will ever know.”

 

The General turns to give Rey a pointed look.  “Rey, I want you to leave with the others who choose to go.  That’s an order.  I will not let you stay behind.  If you stay, Ben will find you and he won’t kill you like the rest of us.  I worry that your fate will be far worse.”  The Resistance matriarch leans in now and she has Rey’s full attention.  “Be careful of Ben.  Be very careful.  He’s a monster and with Snoke dead, there is no one left to restrain him. There’s no telling what he will become.”

 

“Are you so sure it will be bad?” Rey whispers.  For she had half-believed Ben’s desire for balance and promises of reform. 

 

“When has Ben given any indication that he will be anything other than evil?   Rey, it was a brave thing you did to try and turn him back to the Light.  But no one can reach him.  Not Luke, not Han, not you.  He’s too far gone.  There is no saving him.”  And that is a poignant conclusion for a woman who so dogmatically clings to hope. 

 

“What about you?  Did you ever try?” Rey asks. 

 

General Leia looks her in the eye.  “Luke told me there was no point.  Ben hates me most of all.”  The older woman’s face twists now to look indignant.  “Everyone always blames the mother in these things.  As if a mother is completely responsible for their child forever and in every way.  Far more is born into children than is taught to them, Rey.  Remember that for the future for yourself.  Ben has been a man now for years, fully responsible for his own actions.  There is only so much guilt I will accept.”  Leia Organa shakes her head.  “But, yes . . . he hates me most of all.”

 

“W-Why?”  Rey knows that she is prying but she wants to know both versions of Ben’s childhood gone so horribly wrong. 

 

“Because I was the one to insist that Ben learn the Force.  Years ago, Ben never wanted any of this.  That’s the irony of it all, Rey.  He hated Jedi training and ran away again and again.  He was the worst student at Luke’s temple.  And now look at him.”

 

“He would call it destiny,” Rey speaks her thoughts aloud.

 

“He would be right.”  Leia Organa levels her a rueful, self-deprecating look.  “But in my family, destiny is a bitch.  There is only so much you can do when the Force conspires against you.  Sometimes I think that my entire family is cursed.” 

 

The General stands to her feet.  She’s still using that cane, Rey sees.  Leaning on it more and more each passing day.  “Well, the group should be assembled by now.  Let’s go share the bad news,” she tells Rey.  “You know with Cal Ematt gone we are twenty-seven total.  If we had the cash, we could just disperse ourselves and escape off-world on commercial flights looking as nondescript as possible.”  Leia Organa looks around at the _Falcon_ ’s faded and peeling interior.  “We could just leave this hunk of junk behind for the First Order to find.  Or maybe set it on auto-pilot as a decoy.”

 

“Could you really disperse the group into the general populace?” Rey asks.  For suddenly, she has an idea.

 

“Sure.  We did something like that with a large strike team that got marooned on Tanaab during the Rebellion.  Wait—was it Tanaab?  I forget.  Anyway, it worked.  We abandoned the ships and weapons, but we got every man off safely disguised on a civilian commercial flight off-world.”  Leia Organa shrugs.  “But that takes credits and we have none.  We have barely enough to feed ourselves and pay the docking fees as it is.”

 

“I have credits,” Rey speaks up.  She digs into her pocket and produces the hefty stack of credit cards Ben had given her as she left.  “Would this help?”

 

“I don’t know—how much have you got?”

 

Rey hands over the cards and Leia Organa’s eye grow large.  “There’s almost one hundred thousand credits here.  First Order credits.  Rey, where did you get this?” she demands.

 

“From the Kuat guy,” Rey lies.  “He slipped them to me before I got away.  I guess this was his pocket change,” Rey improvises.  “Do you think it’s enough?”

 

“Yes, it’s plenty.  Rey, this is enough money for you to leave us and get a swanky apartment on Corellia or Coruscant for yourself for a year.”

 

“Really?”  Jakku has a barter economy so Rey has never actually spent real credits.  And she has no idea how much things actually cost. 

 

“Yes, really.  Rey, this could save us.”  Leia Organa looks both dumbfounded and pleased.

 

“Then let’s use it to escape.  That Kuat CEO is our financial backer after all,” Rey spins more lies, “because he is saving us when we need it most.”

 

“They might be tracing his funds now that’s he’s arrested.  We had better move fast,” General Organa says as she takes off down the hall.  Even with her cane, Rey is racing to keep up.

 

Within the hour, a plan is hatched and twenty-seven off-world flight reservations are booked.  On different carriers, from different neighboring cities, and at different times.  Then a group ventures out into the city to procure believable looking luggage and civilian clothes for the group.  No one wants to get tripped up at the last minute by small details that seem suspicious.   Nine hours later, the entire Resistance, even Chewbacca, evacuates its hiding place and abandons the _Millennium Falcon_.  Well, all except one woman who at the last minute deliberately misses her flight. 

 

Rey stays behind, having misled Leia Organa, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, and the rest.  She’s not leaving with the other Resistance fighters and she won’t be arriving at the rendezvous point in a week.  As cruel as it seems to disappear this way on her new friends, it is for the best.  Rey doesn’t know how to explain her strange connection to Ben Solo.  But she has to leave the Resistance otherwise she will continue to compromise them and Ben will continue to exploit her for his own aims.  Rey cares too much about Finn and the others to endanger them by sticking around.  They won’t understand it, she knows.  And if they did, Rey worries that her friends would try to talk her out of leaving and that might delay and endanger them.  It is far kinder that her new friends think she abandoned them than that they and their cause be betrayed in the end.  The truth is that the safest place right now for everyone Rey cares about is far away from her.  And that’s a bitter pill for Rey of Jakku to swallow, for she is alone once again.

 

Well, she’s alone until the Force bond opens up next . . .

 

Rey doesn't know what to think about Ben Solo.  But she can’t stop thinking about him.  Ever since she saw him in the vision when she touched the lightsaber, he has been a constant presence in her life.  And now, there’s nowhere she can go to escape him since the Force has bonded them.  But for what purpose?  Their connection, like Ben Solo himself, is so confusing to Rey.

 

The new Supreme Leader is disarmingly earnest, always dangerous, and a strange mix of rage and hope.  Needy.  Leia Organa had called her son needy and it is an apt description, Rey thinks.  Or is it?  Ben tells her that he needs her help, but Rey worries he craves her power.  Ben tells her that he needs to find balance, but he rejects the Light she offers to remain in Darkness.  Ben tells her that he needs to move on from the past, but the past is all he can talk about and his dead grandfather is the only thing Ben Solo seems to hold dear.  Whatever Ben Solo needs is not what he seems to choose in the end.  His words and his deeds don’t make sense. 

 

Is Ben Solo his own worst enemy?  Or is his pitch all a calculated act?  Is she being manipulated into feeling sorry for the Force strong man-child of the First Order?  Or is Ben Solo being genuine?  And even if he is genuine, should it matter?  He is a monster.  He admits it himself. 

 

And the Jedi business?  Well, that is less clear.  It seems foolish to go chasing after a romantic past of ideals that even Luke Skywalker himself had cast aside.  And Rey worries that to nurture her power will only bring her into direct conflict with Ben.  She doesn’t want that.  For despite his many crimes, she understands Ben now in a way that allows her to empathize with him.  Rey seriously doubts that she would ever kill him if the chance arose.  She’s far too sorry for him for that now.  And so, of course, that means Rey would be the one who would end up dead.  The scavenger survivor in her is not okay with that.

 

And so, where does that lead her?  It leads her back to Jakku.  Back to the desert planet that is as much her source of strength as it is her cross to bear. But above all, it will always be home.  Humble, lonely, harsh Jakku.  Home, sweet home.  Full of struggles she knows and can handle.  Far away from the galactic civil war and the perplexing Ben Solo.  But going back to Jakku has one small catch:  Rey needs the _Millennium Falcon_. 

 

Rey is warming up the _Falcon_ ’s engines and preparing to make a run for it when suddenly the bond opens.  Rey whirls around from the controls to see Ben in his full regalia standing on the prow of a great ship.  All around him are busy uniformed officers speaking in low tones with heads bent together over consoles.  

 

“Oh!”  So intent is she on the liftoff cycle that Rey is caught by surprise.  “You!”  She frowns.

 

“I recognize that cockpit.” Ben sounds displeased himself. “You’re still there. I told you to leave.”

 

“I’m leaving now actually,” she retorts.

 

“On the _Millennium Falcon_?  With the others?  That’s not leaving, Rey.  That’s more like suicide.  A cruiser will be intercepting you and the rest of the Resistance immediately as you exit the atmosphere.”

 

“I’m alone!  There’s no one with the Resistance here.  I’m the only one on this ship.  Scan it, you’ll see.”

 

“My guys shoot first.   They don’t scan.   You’re flying the ship that the entire Resistance escaped in from Crait.  It’s like a giant flying target, Rey.”

 

“This is not good timing,” she growls back.  She knows this escape isn’t going to be easy.  She needs her full concentration and some positive thinking now.  “Go away, I’m busy--”

 

“This is a bad move.   I didn’t think you were stupid enough to do this.”

 

Sure enough, alarms start going off almost as soon as the _Falcon_ lifts off.  Rey glances at the scopes and what she sees is not good.  “Four TIEs incoming . . . four TIEs . . . ” she breathes aloud.   She throws her head over her shoulder and hollers back at smug looking Ben.  “Can we shut this bond thing off?  I don’t have time to chat. I need to fly!”  She whips her head around to keep her attention on the fighters speeding fast to intercept her.  “Oh, I wish I had a copilot,” she moans.  “And a gunner.  I really need a gunner now.”

 

“What’s that flashing?”

 

Rey answers without bothering to turn around. “A compressor.  There used to be a compressor on the ignition line. It still lights up on liftoff but it’s bypassed now.”

 

“Good thing.  That puts—“

 

“Too much stress on the hyperdrive,” Rey finishes for him with extreme impatience.   “Yes, I know.  Now, go away!” 

 

“Full power to front shields,” Ben orders. “You’re going to have to outrun those TIEs.”

 

“Hey—command your own ship!” she objects.  But Ben’s order is good advice, so she takes it.

 

Rey puts the old freighter through its paces.  The _Falcon_ is far more maneuverable than she looks but her famed speed advantage was lost decades ago as technology evolved.  Now her First Order pursuers are far faster than she is.  Still, Rey is an excellent pilot and this isn't her first frantic long-shot run to hyperspace on the _Falcon_.  She has the old ship rolling and twisting and dodging erratically to evade her pursuers.  It’s only moderately effective though.   Expert piloting can only level the playing field so much. 

 

Frustrated Rey is rethinking her decision to leave the Resistance now. “They’re right on my tail!  I can’t shake them and I can’t outrun them in this old bucket of bolts.  This ship is garbage!” she vents.

 

“I agree.  Move to the left.  I can’t see enough of the controls from where you are standing,” Ben sounds stressed now too.

 

“What??”

 

“Good, that’s better.  High G barrel roll on my mark.  Let them overshoot you.  3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . now!”

 

Rey slams the throttle back and the old ship shudders and shakes as she climbs to execute the stomach churning roll.   But the _Falcon_ holds together and Ben’s ploy works. 

 

“Okay—that takes care of two,” she pants.  Adrenaline has long since taken hold.  “But what about the rest??” she wails. “Got any ideas for them?”  Then glancing up at two o’clock, she reminds him, “And there’s still a cruiser up there!”

 

“None of this was a mystery.  Why are you taking this risk?”

 

“This was my only ticket out of here,” Rey gripes from between clenched teeth.

 

“No, it wasn’t. You had plenty of cash to find an alternative.  What’s really going on, Rey?”

 

“I spent that money.”

 

“On what?”

 

“You’ll see.”  Her head whips around now as a missile barely clears the _Falcon_ ’s hull. “Whoa! That was close.”

 

“Where are you heading?”

 

“Go away!”

 

“Where?”

 

“Jakku.  I am going back to Jakku and I can’t go there unless I return this ship to Unkar Plutt.  Plutt claims it as his.  If I don’t return it, he won’t buy my scrap and I’ll starve.”

 

“Jakku??   You’re going back to that junkyard?  Why would you want to go back to Jakku?”

 

“Can we talk later?  I do not need this distraction right now--”

 

“I offered you better than this.  And you had plenty of credits to go anywhere in the galaxy—”  Ben’s words cut off at the sound of a very loud thump.  “What was that?”

 

“Hard hit on the back.  Oh, great,” Rey cries.  “I’m losing the rear deflector shield.  Can you call these guys off, Mr. Supreme Leader?”

 

“Will you make it worth my while?”

 

“Whaaat??”

 

Another hit hard lands and now Rey has no power to the rear deflector shield.  Every alarm on the control panel is lit up and blaring.

 

“Yes!  Ben, whatever you want, you can have it!  Just tell these guys to stand down!”

 

“Come back to me.  That’s all I ask.”  And before she answers, he starts asking someone she can’t see for coordinates.  “And get me an open line to the cruiser monitoring the Resistance,” he orders some flunkey. 

 

Next, Rey hears the muffled voice of a First Order officer.  “Supreme Leader.  We have the Resistance freighter in sight and we have four ships in pursuit to intercept.  They have your orders to disable, not destroy.”

 

“Ben???   Ben, I have no aft shield and I’ve lost the lateral controls!” Rey hollers loudly.  “Do something NOW!”

 

“Stand down, Captain.  Disengage immediately.  We’re letting them escape.”

 

“Escape, Sir?” comes the incredulous reply.

 

Ben ignores this and begins speaking to her.  “Rey, I’m giving you coordinates for your jump.  Get to your navicomputer now.”

 

“I’m there.  Go ahead.”

 

Ben starts rattling off coordinates as she simultaneously keys them in and repeats them back.  “Where is this?” she asks.  “Where am I going?”

 

“My flagship over Coruscant. Power down and let us tractor you in when you get here.  Rey?  Rey?”

 

“I’m here.  Okay, I guess.  I have something to show you anyhow.  Maybe you can help me with it.  But it’s the same terms as before, Ben.  I get to leave whenever I want.”

 

“Fine.  Now punch it and I’ll see you in a few hours.”

 

Four hours later, the _Millennium Falcon_ drops out of hyperspace into a thicket of First Order capital ships high above Coruscant.  Rey gets a hail from the _Finalizer_ and she complies with their instructions. It’s not like she could blast her way out of this area anyway.  She watches silently as the _Falcon_ lands in the middle of the busy hangar bay.  Before she heads down the ramp, Rey grabs some things from a drawer in the _Falcon_ ’s cockpit lounge area and she takes a deep breath.

 

The _Millennium Falcon_ is well known to this First Order crew who saw action at Crait.  Many, many onlookers have left their tasks to see who will walk down the Resistance ship’s ramp.  Everywhere there are men with guns drawn and aimed.  Plus, there’s a bunch of stormtroopers waiting directly at the bottom of the ramp with handcuffs.  One wrong move and Rey risks getting a blaster shot to the head or chest.

 

Still, she marches down the ramp with her head held high and her arms full.  She’s not what everyone is expecting and suddenly no one knows what to do.   At the bottom of the ramp, the first trooper with cuffs hesitates and then makes his move.  Rey just hugs what she’s holding closer to her chest and shakes her head no.  When the frustrated trooper grabs for her arm a second time, Rey summons the Force.

 

“You will not restrain me,” she says with a heavy coating of suggestion.

 

“I will not restrain you,” the man answers as he steps back.

 

But his supervisor is not so easily influenced.  “Hey—what is she doing?   Hand me those binders.”

 

“Uh oh,” speaks up a third man.  “Here comes Ren.”

 

The troopers snap to attention as the Supreme Leader himself marches up to Rey surrounded in their midst. 

 

“Hello, Rey.”  Ben looks her over noting the large pile of ancient paperbound books awkwardly clutched to her chest.  “Did you bring your homework?” he drawls.

 

Well . . .  ”Yes.”  Rey takes a deep breath and summons her courage. “I need your help with this.”

 

She must intrigue him because Ben reaches out a hand to pluck off the uppermost book.  Ben slowly turns it over in his hands.  He trails a gloved finger reverently over the insignias on the front and on the spine. 

 

“Where did you get this?” he rasps.

 

“I scavenged it from a Jedi temple,” Rey answers.  But a moment later, she freely admits the truth. “Okay, I stole it.  I stole all of them from Luke Skywalker before I left him.”

 

She can almost see Ben’s smirk from behind the mask.  “Come,” he bids her.  “I want to see the books.  While you are at it, you can explain what happened to the Resistance.”


	7. Chapter 7

Ben’s face is a gleeful smirk as he watches Rey dump her armload of Force texts on the table in his quarters.  “It’s a good thing Skywalker is dead, because he might kill you in your sleep for stealing these.”

 

“He didn’t get to have it both ways.” Rey is defensive about lifting the books.  “He told me I needed a teacher and then he told me he couldn’t be my teacher.  In the end, I got only two lessons out of him and he promised me three.”

 

If anything, Ben’s smirk grows broader now.  “You didn’t miss much from Jedi camp, Rey.  It was lots of meditating and floating rocks.”

 

Levitating rocks comes in handy, Rey thinks, but she keeps that observation to herself.  “I think I got a different version of Jedi training than you did,” she tells Ben bitterly.  “Mine was mostly why the Jedi needed to end.  So I wasn’t stealing these books so much as saving them.”

 

“That’s plausible,” he allows, sliding her a sideways glance, “from a certain point of view.”  And is he mocking her?  Or judging her?  Rey looks up sharply.  She doesn’t consider herself to be a thief.  And Ben doesn’t either, apparently.  “I’m glad you took them, Rey,” he tells her with sincerity.  “Have you looked through them yet?” 

 

He starts sifting through the pile.  He’s got his gloves off, Rey notices, as he carefully fingers the fragile books.  He handles the ancient books with a reverence that surprises her.  But, then again, Ben Solo was raised a Jedi.  And his beloved grandfather had once been a Jedi too.  So maybe these books feel sacred to him still. 

 

“Well?” he prompts her.  “Did you read them?”

 

Rey looks away. “No.  Er . . .  not yet.”

 

“Let’s take a look then.”

 

He sits down and she sits down beside him shoulder to shoulder.  Then Rey relays all she knows about the books.  “Luke said these were sacred Jedi texts that date back to the beginning of the order.  He said the temple was built to house them a thousand generations ago.”

 

Ben starts opening the largest book now, running his finger across a handwritten inscription date on the inside cover.  “Let me guess—the temple was a tree.”

 

“Yes.  How did you know?” she asks in surprise.

 

“Before the Jedi Order gained a foothold in the Republic, they never built grand sacred spaces like the fancy temple on Coruscant. Back then, the focus of the Order was still on the religion of the Force and not on gaining influence in the Republic and controlling the power of its knights.”  Ben looks closer now at something he’s reading.  Again, Rey is struck by how intrigued he is by the books. 

 

He looks up now and continues.  “The tree was one of the Jedi Order’s most recognizable early symbols.  Rey, life creates the Force.  Makes it grow.  And from death, life comes again.  The tree lives and dies, and then from the decay of the tree a new tree grows.  Life is interdependent and connected, and so is the Force.  Things that seem like random events are often part of a larger scheme, for life is full of cycles.  As is the Force.”

 

“Tell me more.” Rey is eager for this knowledge.  She peeks over his shoulder at what he is looking at and Ben pushes the book closer for her to see.  He keeps carefully paging through the tome while she looks on. 

 

“Like so many institutions, the Jedi Order was full of fresh ideas and good questions when it arose.  But over time, it grew too large and lost its focus.  It became more about perpetuating itself and growing its power.   The Jedi High Council was an echo chamber of Jedi Masters who took everything they agreed on and deemed it as sacrosanct.  Long before the Republic fell, the Jedi had muzzled the voices of their detractors and marginalized the few in their ranks who wanted reform.”  

 

He looks over to meet her eyes. “Do you know this history, Rey?” he asks.   “When the Jedi were at the height of their power, they meddled ceaselessly in everything. In the military, in commerce, and in government. They called themselves 'Keepers of the Peace,' but all they really did was intervene to choose their preferred winner for every conflict.  It earned them a lot of resentment.  Plus, over the years, the meddling by the Jedi served to weaken the institutions of the Republic.  And so, at the crucial moment when the galaxy needed strong, unified leadership, its institutions failed to resolve the Separatist Crisis.  And the ensuing war destroyed much of the galaxy for years.”

 

Rey is silent.  Maybe what Ben says is true, maybe not.  Ben has an agenda, so she can’t help but be skeptical.    But Rey also knows that she is too ignorant to discern the truth for herself.  “I don’t know much about the Clone Wars,” Rey mumbles.

 

“Well, know this, Rey:  it was no accident that Count Dooku and his followers who founded the Separatist movement were Jedi.  They had to step outside the Jedi tradition and the Republic government to have any chance at reform.  Because Yoda and the rest of the Republic leadership did not tolerate dissent.” And that’s sort of a strange comment coming from the Supreme Leader of the fascist First Order, Rey thinks, but she holds her tongue.   Strangely enough, Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker sound as if they might agree on their views of Jedi history, she thinks.

 

“The Clone Wars are worth learning about,” Ben continues as he peruses the book.  “They are far less of a conspiracy than history portrays them as.  The Confederacy was more than just a disguised power grab by Darth Sidious.  There were legitimate political issues at stake.”

 

“Yeah, I guess . . . “   The more Ben speaks like this, the more Rey struggles for how to broach the topic of why she needs his help with the books.   Ben Solo’s education just might be the most intimidating thing about him, Rey thinks as she uncomfortably shifts in her seat.  For the more he casually shares knowledge like this, the more self-conscious and diminished she becomes.  And the more uncertain she feels about what she thinks is truth. 

 

“I never went to school.  Not formally,” she reveals, feeling her face flush at the admission.  “I don’t know much about history . . . “  Her voice trails off before she adds dully, “I don’t know much about anything other than mechanics and flying, Ben.”

 

He doesn’t reply.  He’s too interested in what he’s reading in the book.  “Look.  Here!”  He excitedly points his finger to a bunch of words that she just nods at.  “Here it is!  The prophesy of The Chosen One I told you about.”  He slides the book over some more for her to see. “It’s a slightly different version from what I learned.  But the gist is the same.”

 

“You read it to me,” Rey suggests.

 

He does.  Then he starts parsing the text to consider the differences with the version he knows.  Ben is so scholarly, Rey realizes with a gulp.   And, of course, he is.  He has a princess mother who was a New Republic Senator.  He’s probably the product of the best schools credits could buy.  A son of privilege, no doubt.  For whatever Ben Solo’s grudges about his childhood may be, they are not deprivation like Rey has experienced.  Suddenly, Rey very much regrets bringing the books to ask for help.   For this is turning out to be a far harder topic to broach than Rey had expected. 

 

“Look at this!”  Ben excitedly points to another passage. 

 

His sudden intensity is lost on her.  “Yes?” she looks blankly.

 

“Recognize it?”

 

Rey recognizes a few words right off but there are many more that she will need to puzzle over a moment.  She can do it, she knows.  But not at first glance.  Ben is still looking to her, so she improvises.  “Luke didn’t teach me much—“

 

“It’s the Jedi Code. It’s phrased a bit differently too.”

 

“Oh, of course.  Read it to me,” she requests. 

 

And again, he does.  As Ben recites the age-old creed, flustered Rey rises from her chair to walk apart.  She ends up standing before the large windows looking out. 

 

When he’s done reading, Ben sits back in his chair and considers her a long moment.  Then he quietly asks, “What’s wrong, Rey?  And don’t tell me you’re feeling guilty over the books.”

 

“On Jakku . . . ” she begins and then falters.  But she’s determined to get this out so she rallies her courage.  “On Jakku, there are no schools and—“

 

“You can’t read,” Ben says flatly. 

 

She whirls at this, indignant.  “Of course, I can!  I just don’t do it well.  Not for this sort of thing anyway . . . ”

 

And, oh, just look at his scowl.  Is that contempt she sees?  Or anger?  Rey is utterly humiliated and blinking back hot tears.  She turns back around to the windows to hide her face.

 

“It’s okay, Rey,” he sighs as he stands to his feet.

 

In these words, she hears that she is being placated.  It makes her indignant.  “I’m a nobody from nowhere, remember?” she sneers as she stares down at the planet the _Finalizer_ orbits.  It’s Coruscant, the bright center of the universe and the chicest world of the Core, and that just makes Rey feel even worse.   “The daughter of junk peddlers who are buried in paupers’ graves.  A scavenger on a graveyard world in the Outer Rim.  There is nothing special about me except that I have the Force.”

 

“It’s okay, Rey.” 

 

“I can read just fine!” she asserts again as she feels more tears run down her face.   “I’m just slow at it sometimes.  There was never much need to read on Jakku anyway . . . it wasn’t a skill you needed to survive . . . ”

 

“It’s okay, Rey.”

 

“The Resistance doesn’t know.  Skywalker didn’t know.  Only you know,” she admits.  Then she gives an ugly chuckle.  “It’s a good thing the Jedi have ended because who ever heard of a barely literate Jedi Knight?  The Jedi were heroes and leaders, Ben.  Men and women who were admired for their wisdom and faith.” 

 

“At least one was born a slave from the far Outer Rim,” he tells her cryptically.

 

Whatever.  Rey wipes at her eyes and then turns to give him a rueful look. “I bet you’re glad I didn’t take you up on your offer now.  I could never rule the galaxy with you.”  She’d likely be insisting on a written constitution that she couldn’t herself read, Rey thinks sourly.

 

Ben doesn’t disagree with her assessment.  And, truthfully, that’s what she expects.  Rey of Jakku is nothing if not a realist on how the world works.  Life in the desert makes you face cold hard facts.

 

Still, she is frustrated to be in this predicament.  “I begged for Luke to teach me and he didn’t.  And now all I have are these books I can’t use . . .  It might take me years to get through those on my own,” she complains.  “I guess I could get a droid to read them aloud to me,” she posits.  “That could work.  I run a lot of holonet text through oral translate programs so I can listen to it instead of read it,” she admits.

 

“Or, you could forget the books and learn the Force from me,” Ben speaks up to renew his offer.  “I can teach you the ways of the Force.  You know that you need a teacher, Rey.”

 

“I’m not joining you!” she tells him flatly.  Emphatically.  “I won’t be your apprentice or whatever it’s called—”

 

“Why not?  You yourself say you want to learn.”

 

“I want to be a Jedi like in the old stories the guys from the Church of the Force used to tell—”

 

“Those are fairytales of an idyllic history that never truly existed,” Ben shoots back.  He is looking increasingly frustrated with her now.  Angry too.  “Forget these books!  You don’t need them!  All you need is me.  Rey, you need to see through the lies of the Jedi and move on to a larger understanding of the Force.”

 

“But what if I want those lies to be true?” Rey asks in a small voice.  Again, she wipes at her eyes.  “What if they were true once and can be true again?”

 

And therein lies the crux of their disagreement.   Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo want the Jedi Order to end, but Rey is searching for a middle ground.  For a reformation of sorts.  And that idea does not go over well.  Ben stares at her a moment and then he erupts in a loud outburst.  “No, no!  You’re still holding on!” he says sharply.  “Let the Jedi fall into history, Rey.  Go ahead and read these books to learn what you can, but leave the past behind!”

 

His vehemence annoys her and Rey is still feeling humiliated so she lashes out.  “You’re a fine one to lecture me on history,” Rey informs him tartly.  “You have Darth Vader’s mask next door.  So don’t tell me to let the past die, Ben.  Because I don’t see you doing that for yourself!”

 

She has hit a nerve.  “Darth Vader is my family!  He is all that is left of my family—”

 

“Thanks to you!  And your mother is still around, you know--”  Ben’s own credits just saved her life for now, Rey thinks. 

 

“My mother is only alive until I deal with the Resistance!  General Organa is living on borrowed time,” he says through clenched teeth.

 

Rey holds her ground.  “Darth Vader is the past just as much as the Jedi are the past.  Vader was a polarizing figure in his own time and he still is now.  Recreating his life and his Empire won’t bring balance, Ben.  It will only drive the two sides farther apart.”

 

He doesn’t answer.  Instead, Ben stalks over towards the room with the mask.  He concentrates a moment and the door slides open with the Force.  Ben stands there silhouetted in the doorway as Rey watches from across the room.  

 

“W-Wait--” she stammers weakly.  But if Ben hears her, he doesn’t acknowledge it.  He just walks in and stares down at the poignant, if gruesome, relic.

 

Watching Ben brooding over the mask makes Rey wonder if maybe she has gone too far.   Ben’s hero worship of the grandfather he never met is very real.  Here is the approving parent Ben never had, the encouraging mentor in the Force he always wanted, and maybe even the absolving confessor he needs.  For Ben Solo seems very alone.  From her own experience, Rey recognizes all the signs. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she stammers as she walks up beside him.  “Ben, I went too far—"

 

“He had a horrible life,” Kylo rasps, his eyes never leaving the destroyed mask. “He was born a fatherless slave and sold away from his mother to the Jedi cult.”

 

“Wait--Darth Vader was a slave?” Rey interrupts.  No one has told her that.  “Really?”

 

“Yes.”  Ben turns to her and waves a finger in her face to make his point.  “Darth Vader was born a slave in the Outer Rim.  He rose to rule the galaxy from Tatooine.  So don’t ever tell me that a scavenger from Jakku is not good enough to rule!  Rey,” he tells her pointedly, “I see what others cannot see.  You are a nobody from nowhere, but not to me.  I don’t give a damn if you can’t read!  You have the Force.  You are full of Light.  And you marched into Snoke’s throne room to fight for me.”

 

Ben has the same resolute look in his eye she remembers from that day when he had held out his hand and asked her to join him.  It’s one part determination and one part desperation.  And something like a pleading command. 

 

Rey doesn’t know what to say.  Whenever Ben Solo speaks like this, her first instinct is always to agree.  This man has a disarming charisma when he drops his guarded, smirking sarcasm and speaks from the heart. 

 

As she stands there caught off guard, Ben continues his tale.  He’s back to Darth Vader, of course.  “Vader was born a fatherless slave and sold away from his mother to the Jedi cult.  The Jedi forbade family, so they demanded that he forget her.  Later, Vader fell in love with a queen and a Senator, but the Jedi forbade marriage.  Vader was supposed to forget his love too, but he refused and they married in secret.  Years later, my grandmother died birthing Vader’s twin children.  The Jedi stole the children, separated them, and hid them away.  It was supposed to be for their protection, but it was for revenge.  My mother was raised to hate the Empire and indoctrinated into the Rebellion as a teenager.  My uncle was to be trained to assassinate his own father--”

 

“I know the rest of the story,” she interrupts again.  Well, she heard a slightly different version.  But she knows the gist.

 

“Do you?” Ben asks rhetorically.  “Have you really thought about his story, Rey?  Is it so surprising that a very talented, ambitious man born a lowly slave might seek to amass power?    Is it so surprising that a man denied his parents, denied his wife, and later denied his children might be weak for sentiment in the end?  Rey, Vader was a man who at every turn was denied the love he craved.”

 

“You’re saying Darth Vader was lonely?“   Rey is wondering where this is going.

 

“Absolutely.”  Ben turns back to the mask and his words now sound less of Vader and more of himself.  “He was a lonely man whose only consolation was power.”

 

Rey nods because, yes, she’s starting to get it now.  The Vader mask is not about the Force or the Empire.  The self-identification at work here is far more personal than that.  Rey gulps hard because suddenly she’s thinking of her own little talisman ritual of making marks on the wall.   Because in life, sometimes you have to use whatever crutch works.  And for Ben Solo, apparently, it’s the melted husk of Darth Vader’s iconic mask.  Here is the long dead kindred spirit he lacks in life.  Snoke might have wanted a new Darth Vader as his enforcer apprentice, but there is far more to this role model for Ben. 

 

“I keep the mask here to meditate with it,” Ben reveals.  “I seek my grandfather’s presence whenever I feel the call to the Light.  It helps me to know that he felt it too his whole life.”  Ben looks almost embarrassed now to explain, “It’s comforting to know that even Vader was conflicted from time to time.”

 

“Do you actually speak to him in the Force?” Rey wonders aloud.

 

“Not directly.  But the mask is very evocative.  Sometimes it gives me visions.  Go ahead.  Touch it,” he invites her.  “See if you respond to it.”

 

Rey looks askance and instinctively declines, “That’s okay—”

 

“Do it!” Ben says sharply in a tone of command.  But then, he softens.  “Do it.  Rey, I want to see.  I want to see if it’s just me or if it’s any Force-user who will respond to it.”

 

Rey reconsiders and meets Ben’s eyes again.  And now, he disconcertingly asks, “Please.”

 

He looks so earnest now.  And again, here is the compelling version of Ben Solo who is very hard to resist.  The man who is oddly vulnerable and yet completely in command.  And he is helping her with the Jedi books, Rey thinks, so perhaps she owes him this.  Plus, Ben had said that he doesn’t care that she doesn’t read so well.  So, with much trepidation, Rey reaches out her hand to the mask.

 

At the first touch, her conscious world dissolves and Rey feels herself falling.  Someone catches her and then the images begin to come.

 

_The master is humanoid and pale, with a handsome, intelligent face.  You can tell he is very tall even laying down in bed.  He wakes instantly at the sound of the saber igniting.  His pale eyes pop open wide.  The apprentice hacks away with clear resolve and the master does not resist even though he is armed with the Force.  Instead, the master crows as though he were the one triumphant: “I cannot be betrayed.  I cannot be beaten.”  It will be years before the apprentice learns that he underestimated the power of the Dark Side._

_Darkness meets Darkness, and Darkness wins.   Because Darkness is eternal._

_The scene shifts and another attacker full of resolve creeps in under cover of night as his unsuspecting victim sleeps.  This time the aggressor is the master and the victim is his disappointing apprentice.  The boy wakes instantly at the sound of the saber igniting.  His dark eyes pop open wide with shock and fear.  This trusting student has not seen this coming.  But he fights back with his sword and with the Force.  This time the apprentice is the one to hack away.  Not at the master but at his fellow students. In the end, it is the master who has betrayed himself and others.  He emerges alive but utterly beaten.  His fear led to anger and his anger led to hate and now all have suffered._

_Darkness meets Darkness, and Darkness wins.  Because Darkness is in even the best of us._

_The master sits upon a high throne in a red room.  He is very damaged in appearance, deceptively frail and weak.  But stronger now than ever.  He orders an execution but his apprentice rebels and seizes the moment for himself. The apprentice ignites a saber straight through the master, cleaving him in two.   The master dies with his pale eyes open wide.  All the while, his proud words still ring triumphant in the air:  “I cannot be betrayed.  I cannot be beaten.”  It’s true that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  But for this apprentice, history will not repeat itself._

_Darkness meets Darkness, and Darkness wins.  Because just answering the call to the Light is not enough for redemption._

 

Then, as abruptly as it began, the vision is over. 

 

Rey understands what she has seen but it is a mystery too.  Like on Takodano in Maz’s basement, the images were all at once sharply focused and yet softly blurred.   And like before, when finally Rey opens her eyes, she is thoroughly disoriented.  It takes a long moment to catch her breath.

 

And that’s when Rey realizes that she is being held tightly in someone’s arms.  In Ben’s arms.  She is shaking still with her head ducked up under Ben’s chin and her face pressed hard into his wool tunic.  And wait—are those her arms clinging to him?  This is just as confusing as the vision.  For how did she end up like this?

 

Rey squirms but Ben holds fast.  “What did you see?” His voice is a hoarse whisper right above her ear.  “Tell me!”

 

Her answer comes out a rapid stream of consciousness.   “Snoke.  Snoke being attacked.  It wasn’t by you.  It was by someone else.  And Luke.  I saw Luke attack you.  And the throne room again.  I don’t understand.  Why am I seeing Snoke?  Why am I dreaming of Snoke?  He is dead like Luke.  I saw for myself . . . ” 

 

“I don’t know.  Tell me more.”

 

She squirms again and this time Ben releases her.  Rey looks up and starts asking her own questions now.  “Who was Snoke?  Where did he come from?  If he was a Sith, then who was his master?”

 

“I don't know,” Ben surprises her with that reveal.  “Snoke never admitted to being a Sith, but I’m pretty sure he was.  He spent the Empire days in exile in the Unknown Regions, watching from afar.  All I know is that he has had several other apprentices before me.” 

 

“You don’t know?” Rey blinks at this.  “Where did Snoke learn the Dark Side?”  Did he teach it to himself the way Rey plans to learn the Light?

 

“I don’t know.  Those are not questions you get to ask, Rey.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

Ben’s dark eyes are snapping at her and they are standing mere inches apart.   Rey can literally feel his breath on her cheek. She hasn’t been this close to him since they were in the elevator heading for Snoke’s throne room.   And that is a disconcerting memory.  Rey takes a quick and long step back. 

 

“Did Luke ever fight Snoke?” she wants to know.  Rey is thinking back to Luke warning her that her confrontation to redeem Ben was not going to go the way she thought.  She had understood that comment to refer to Ben but what if it had referred to Snoke? 

 

“No.”

 

Again, Rey blinks in surprise.  “Why not?” 

 

“Skywalker confronted me once after I burned the temple,” Ben reveals.  “But he never confronted Snoke.” 

 

“Why not?  Why wouldn’t he have gone to kill the last Sith or whatever Snoke was?  Why wouldn’t he have gone for justice to the man who seduced his nephew to the Dark Side?”

 

“I don't know.”  Ben’s face is a frown as he recalls ugly memories.  “Probably because he didn’t care enough to do so.  Luke wanted me dead.  Especially then.”

 

“But he didn’t kill you . . . “

 

Ben sighs and reddens.  “My mother made him promise not to.” 

 

This isn’t making sense for Rey.  “But Luke Skywalker took on the Emperor.  His father was Lord Vader.  He blew up the Death Star.  He was no coward. I still don’t see why he never faced Snoke.” 

 

Ben shrugs.  “I don’t know.  Maybe it was because Luke thought he couldn’t win.”

 

And that doesn’t persuade Rey.  “Ben, Snoke was not that hard to kill.  The guards were harder to kill than he was.  Luke could have won.  Especially younger Luke.  Unless . . . “

 

“Unless what?”

 

“Unless he thought that killing Snoke wasn’t the same as winning,” she thinks aloud.

 

“Now you sound like a preachy Jedi my uncle would agree to teach.”  Ben’s sarcasm is ugly.  “Are you going to tell me next that violence isn’t the answer?  Because it was in Snoke’s case.  He’s dead, Rey.  We both saw it.  What you saw was a vision, and visions are not necessarily truth.” 

 

“Yeah.  You’re right.  He’s dead.” 

 

Ben’s eyes narrow now.  “You’re still dreaming about him,” he accuses.

 

“Yes,” Rey admits.  “And now this.  What does it mean?” She lifts troubled eyes to his.  And then, the words slip out before she can stop them.  “I’m frightened.”  She instantly bites her lip, wanting to take them back.  For Rey feels silly to be scared of bad dreams.  And even sillier confessing this childishness to Ben Solo.  It’s bad enough to have confessed that she is barely literate already.

 

But Ben doesn’t chide her.  Instead, he nods seriously as he holds her gaze.  “He’s dead, Rey.  He can’t hurt you now.  That lightsaber went right through him.”

 

“Yeah,” she agrees before adding sheepishly, “I guess I never thanked you for saving me that day.”

 

“You saved me from that last guard.  Rey, we’re even.”

 

“Yes.  Even,” she repeats.

 

And now, Ben’s long, angular face lights up in genuine smile.   It’s the first time Rey has ever seen him truly smile.   It’s so unexpected that she responds with a smile of her own.  “I knew you would react to the mask,” Ben tells her with undisguised relish.  “I just knew it,” he breathes out.  Ben is excited now and it shows, like before with the books.  “Darth Vader would understand what I am trying to do.  He too was interested in balance.  I have his castle, Rey.  You should see the things I found hidden there—”

 

“Let me guess.  Lots of black capes and the plans to the Death Star—”

 

“He had a treasure trove of Jedi artifacts.  There are hundreds of Jedi holochrons there.”  Ben gestures over at the haphazard heap of stolen Jedi texts.  “Vader would have loved these books, Rey.  He would have poured over them to try to understand where the Jedi went wrong.  Were the Jedi wrong from the very beginning, or did they lose their way?”

 

“That’s what I want to know, too,” Rey complains.  “Because blindly throwing away the past feels like it might be as much a mistake as slavishly repeating the past, Ben.” 

 

He nods and seems to consider her words.  “I guess we will learn the answers once we read the books together.”

 

“Wait--you want to read the books . . . together?”  She shoots him a questioning look.

 

“Yes.  But first, we need to preserve them,” he decides.  “Some of those books are in pretty bad shape.  Come back in a week and I will have a complete scan of the texts along with audio files so you can listen along as you read.”

 

Rey’s eyes dart back to the sacred Jedi texts in the other room.  “Those books are all I have left of the Jedi Order,” she says nervously.  “Ben, if you burn them, I will have nothing left to learn from.”

 

He looks her in the eye.  “There is still me.”

 

She puts her hand on one hip and cocks her head at him.   “So then you see why I’m not so keen on leaving the books with you.” She frowns at him.  “Why do you want to read old Jedi books anyway?”

 

“Because Vader would have read them,” he answers as if it’s self-evident.  “And because I’m an old fallen away Jedi myself.  Besides, if you are going to read these, then I should read them too.”  He smirks at her.  “Who knows what ancient Jedi tricks you will uncover in them.  I don’t want to be at a disadvantage, Rey.”

 

“I don’t know—” She has a bad feeling about this.

 

“Trust me,” he tells her. 

 

“But—”

 

“I’m not asking you to join me, I’m asking you to loan me some books.”  And now, Ben raises another topic.  “Are you really going back to Jakku again?”

 

“Would you prefer that I went back to the Resistance?”

 

“No.  Fine.  Jakku it is, then.  But this time, I don’t want you spending my credits on the Resistance.”

 

Oh.  Rey was wondering when he was going to bring that up.  She had a feeling that the First Order would figure out by now that the Resistance has fled courtesy of Ben’s credits.  “Er . . . about that . . . “  Rey shifts her weight and tucks an escaped strand of hair back into her ponytail. 

 

Ben gives her a hard look.  “I didn’t give you a hundred thousand credits for you to contribute it to the Resistance, Rey.  Did you keep any of it for yourself?” he complains.  “Or are you destitute as usual?”

 

“Er . . . well . . . “

 

“You’re broke,” he judges.  Then he raises an eyebrow at her.  “Care to tell me where the Resistance plans to meet up to regroup now that they have escaped?”

 

This question at least Rey has an answer for:  “No.“

 

“I thought not.”  He looks askance at her.  Well, it’s more like disappointed than angry.  “Do I have to dig into your mind?” Ben threatens flexing his hand her direction as if he’s ready to summon the Force.

 

“That didn’t work so well for you last time around,” she reminds him with a hard look.  “But bring it on,” Rey challenges as she summons her own focus.

 

They stare at one another a long moment before Ben lets the point go.  He gives her another disappointed look.  “I trusted you with those credits.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you helped.  All you did in the end was prolong this war.”

 

“Er . . .” Uncomfortable Rey frowns.  Heretofore, she had thought those credits had gone to good use, but now she’s not so sure.  And part of her understands why Ben feels duped by her move.  It was not a nice way to repay his generosity, she knows. 

 

With another disappointed look, Ben informs her, “Well, I am trustworthy, Rey, even if you are not.  You’ll get your books back unharmed.”  And now again, he is pressing credit cards into her hands.

 

This time, she won’t accept them.  “Don’t bother giving me credits, Ben.  No one accepts them on Jakku.  It’s strictly a barter economy.  I’ll have to scavenge for goods to trade.”

 

“What if the guy you stole the _Falcon_ from makes trouble for you on Jakku?  Then where are you going to go without a single credit to your name?” he counters.

 

That starts a bickering argument that continues the whole way back to the _Millennium Falcon_ in the hangar bay.  In the end, Rey leaves the books, Ben keeps his credits, and the _Falcon_ is refueled and released to Rey with temporary, makeshift repairs that will get her home to Jakku. 

 

“You’re always going to be difficult, aren’t you?” Ben complains as they stand before the _Falcon_ ’s ramp. 

 

Rey nods.  “Yes.  I’m like that.”

 

“I know,” he smirks.  “I know a woman like you,” he tells her.  “Well . . . I used to know her.”

 

With that food for thought, Rey wishes him, “May the Force be with you, Ben.  And take care of my books.”

 

“Try not to die on Jakku,” he answers.

 

So focused are both Rey and Ben on their negotiation that they both miss the tall, slim redheaded general who looks on from across the busy hangar bay with an ambitious subordinate at his side.  Yes, that’s the girl, the general confirms.  I recognize her from the prisoner briefing back on Starkiller Base.  Good work, the general commends the junior deck officer, you are a true patriot of the First Order.  The general then hands the deck officer a comlink.  Alert me the moment you see her arrive again, he orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Xmas to those of you who celebrate it! 
> 
> For the like 2 people out there who are reading DARKER, that fic is not abandoned. I have so much drama coming for Darth Malgus and Eleena. We have to get to the "I love you more than power" declaration every good Sith lover must make (in words or at least in deeds), for the betrayals and the sacking of Coruscant and it's all coming, I promise! I just got a little sidetracked on this fic. 
> 
> I told myself I wouldn't write another Reylo until I had time to digest Episode 8, until I had a month to finish DARKER, and until I set up some pseudonym accounts to start fresh for episode 8 with new ideas and a complete break from the Fulcrum/Ghosts drama. And yet . . . here we are. The problem is that I have now seen The Last Jedi 2.5 times (.5 is for the time I had the Littlest Blue Boy on my lap squirming the whole time asking to go home). There is a lot to unpack from episode 8 but I find myself more convinced than ever of my pre-existing story ideas. And that's where this story will head once again. So much for my desire to "write fresh."


	8. Chapter 8

“Supreme Leader.”

 

It’s General Hux reporting on the Core campaign.  Things are going well everywhere but Coruscant.  With the Resistance functionally irrelevant, the pushback on Coruscant is entirely homegrown.  Theoretically, that ought to make it easy to neutralize.   But so far, that’s not the case.  As a result, his troops are slaughtering civilians left and right.  The First Order is cracking down on the media in an effort to keep it all hush-hush.  And, as Hux reports, this too is having mixed results.

 

Hux himself is a problem that Kylo has yet to solve.  Snoke had called Hux a rabid cur and the description is apt.  But any qualified replacement for Hux would be equally as loathsome, Kylo knows.  Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t, Kylo has decided for the time being.  So he keeps Hux close enough to both keep an eye on him and to give him sufficient visibility.  Kylo is content to feed his ego with bragging rights as second-in-command.  But it’s annoying.  Hux is a true believer in the First Order but Kylo doesn’t trust him farther than he could Force-push him on a bad day.   And Hux’s cult-of-personality approach to his sizeable group of underlings makes him formidable from the standpoint of morale.

 

And so, Kylo is taking a page out of Hux’s playbook to subvert him.  Thanks to the Starkiller taking out a sizable chunk of the First Order infantry and the loss of the dreadnought over D’qar, Kylo has been handing out lots of promotions.  Hopefully, it will buy him some loyalty since Hux and his gang of groupies are very suspect.   Plus, Kylo is very aware that he is not popular among his troops.  That’s something he needs to remedy to help solidify his position as Supreme Leader.  The last thing he needs right now is a coup d’etat.  He doesn’t doubt Armitage Hux is up for it.  Perhaps, Kylo thinks sourly, Hux is already biding his time.

 

It’s one more reason that Kyko has no intention of hiding away in a throne room to rule the galaxy.  He is no decrepit old ghoul like Snoke.  He is a young and vigorous leader and he intends for his troops and his subjects alike to see him rule.  That’s what is keeping him here on Coruscant, in the thick of the violence, slogging through what he hopes are the final days of the war.  It’s tedious, frustrating work since Kylo is ready to end this destructive conflict and get on to ruling it all.  The days are long, too long sometimes.  But he has Rey to look forward to.  The girl from Jakku with the Force is the bright spot in it all.

 

When the bond opens next, he catches Rey sprawled in the sand at dusk with her back propped against some indeterminate hunk of twisted metal.  She’s talking to a hologram projection in what looks like a com call.  When she sees him, Rey does a doubletake and then hurries to conclude her conversation.

 

“Uhm . . . “ She eyes Kylo warily.  “Finn, I should go.  It . . . uh . . . looks like a sandstorm is kicking up off to the east.”

 

“Rey, wait!” the guy she’s talking to speaks up.  He looks sort of familiar, but Kylo can’t place him right away.  “Are you sure you won’t—"

 

“I’m sure,” she cuts him off with another furtive glance Kylo’s way.  “Finn, I’m fine. I just need some time alone.  Say hello to Poe and Rose for me.” 

 

The man tries again.  “Rey, we are all worried about you.  Jakku is—"

 

“I’m fine.”  Again, Rey cuts him off. 

 

“Okay.  But when are you coming back?  Everyone keeps asking.”

 

Rey looks uncomfortable now.  “I’m not sure I’m coming back,” she answers after a moment.

 

“Wait—what??”  This is neither welcome nor anticipated news.  The man looks very concerned.  “Rey, what??” 

 

“Finn, I’ll talk to you soon.  The uh . . . sandstorm is coming.”  Rey again looks over to Kylo warily. 

 

The oblivious man on the other end of the comcall asks, “Is that dangerous?”

 

“Yes,” Rey answers, holding Kylo’s gaze through the bond.  “Very dangerous,” she whispers.  “Gotta go, Finn.”  Rey hangs up and now turns her attention to him.

 

“Was that the stormtrooper traitor?” Kylo wonders aloud.   “I thought I killed that guy.”

 

Rey shoots him a look.  “Finn lived.”

 

Really?  He got a lightsaber up the back in the Starkiller woods.  “Too bad.”

 

That comment earns him another dirty look.  “You know, you make it very hard to like you,” Rey complains.   

 

He shrugs.  “I don’t need to be liked.  Besides, you like me fine,” he observes.  “You just don’t like my war.”  Rey doesn’t dispute this summation, so it feels like a win.  He suppresses a smile.  “Did you return the _Falcon_ to the thief?” he wants to know.  Somehow it is endlessly satisfying that the ship that Han Solo put before everything else in his life ended up on Jakku. 

 

“Yeah, it went fine.  I’m good with Unkar Plutt again.”  Rey now changes the topic.  “How are my books?”

 

He answers honestly.  “Engrossing.”   Kylo has been staying up late reading them.  He’s enjoying the irony of that situation.   Both Luke Skywalker and Snoke would disapprove, and that’s sort of gratifying. 

 

“Engrossing?”  Rey repeats his response with a blink.  “Really?  Does that mean you’re ready to be a Jedi again?” she challenges.

 

“No.  But you’re always welcome to join me,” he counters. 

 

Rey appraises him with raised brows.  “You don’t give up easily do you?” she observes.

 

“No.  And neither do you, so don't call me stubborn,” he retorts. 

 

True to form, Rey now presses her case.  “Ben, when we touched hands through the bond, I saw your future. It is not on the Dark Side.”   She looks so earnest as she says this.  So Jedi-like.  So committed.  It reminds him of her resolve marching into see Snoke.  Whatever Rey saw in the Force that day, she believes it even now.

 

But Kylo believes his version of events.  “I saw your future too,” he contends.  “It was our future.  When the time comes, you stand with me.  You’ll see,” he informs her smugly.   Like with all Force visions, the details were murky but the emotions and the big picture were clear.  Kylo had seen himself aligned with Rey.  It’s why when the fight in the throne room had ended, Kylo had offered it all to her.  Because Kylo had seen the future and known that Rey would accept.   But she had refused.  That doesn’t make his vision wrong, Kylo knows.  Perhaps, it just makes his offer premature.  That’s why he keeps reupping his overtures to teach Rey.  His offer will stand open until she accepts, which he knows she will.

 

Rey reverts to the topic at hand rather than continue their impasse.  “How are my books?” she asks again.  “What did you learn?”

 

“I’ve read most of one book.  It was all about control.  The Jedi were big into control,” he explains to Rey.    “The Jedi feared great power concentrated in an individual.  So, from a young age they brainwashed their young padawans into obedience and taught them to fear emotion.” 

 

“To fear emotion?”  Rey looks surprised and it reminds him again that this clueless scavenger with the Force had no idea what she signed up for when she sought out Luke Skywalker.

 

“Yes.  Jedi were denied family relationships,” he teaches.  “The Order even discouraged master and padawan relationships from becoming too close.  The goal was to stunt the emotional lives of the Jedi.”

 

Emotionally stunted near feral orphan Rey makes a face.  “Why?”

 

“For fear of Darkness. Because the Sith connect with the Force through emotion.  One way to make Darkness less of a temptation to a Jedi is to make strong emotion an uncomfortable feeling for them.”

 

“Oh.”

 

She’s listening closely.  Once again, Kylo sees how eager this girl is to learn.  It’s such a shame she has no real education, he thinks, for he has no doubt that Rey would be a dutiful and diligent student.  He hates that her life on Jakku has caused her to be barely literate.  But regrettably, that is a common occurrence in the poor outer reaches of the galaxy’s Rim.  The New Republic had spent the bare minimum of its resources outside the Core. 

 

He continues:  “The book goes on and on about the dangers of emotional Jedi who might be tempted to love and to hate.  To feel passionately about something or someone.  Passion being the domain of the Sith, of course.”

 

“So the Jedi were always celibate?” she surmises.

 

“It seems so.  There is a great deal of diatribe about the risk of creating dynasties in the Force if Jedi were allowed to marry.  Especially to marry one another,” he adds. 

 

Rey gives him a frank look.  “You mean they were worried about creating your family, right?”

 

“Right,” he chuckles.  “The Skywalkers are everything the Jedi feared.  Great power combined with emotion and attachment and Darkness.  It was a fun read, Rey,” he smirks.  “I’m basically the epitome of everything the Jedi feared.”

 

“Why am I not surprised?” she retorts.  Then, she looks a bit deflated.  “Well, none of that seems very helpful.  But I guess it was only the first book.”

 

“Actually, it was illuminating,” he tells her.  “Rey, the book addressed Force bonds like this.”

 

“Ooooh,” she sits forward, eye bright and alert.  “Tell me what you learned,” she breathes.

 

“Bonds like ours were a source of concern for the Jedi.  They were an attachment in the most literal sense.  And the Jedi hated attachments.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Get used to me, Rey,” he crows now.  “Apparently, these bonds are very hard to break.  They break with death or when one party retreats from the Force.   And they tend to deepen over time and to strengthen as the parties involved strengthen in the Force.”  He grins at her.  “When we are old and gray, Rey, we will be finishing each other’s sentences in our minds.” 

 

“So . . . this is forever?” she looks stricken.

 

“Probably.  That explains why the bond still works after Snoke died.  Oh, and bonding was mostly associated with the Sith,” he somewhat gleefully informs her.   “Influencing the minds of others beyond battle meditation techniques or the occasional harmless use of the Jedi mind trick was suspect.  The Jedi perceived that there was,” he gives a sly, small smile, “too much potential for misuse.”

 

Rey frowns as she thinks a moment and then asks, “So what does all this mean for us?” 

 

She looks so dejected, sitting there dirty in the sand.  He had offered her far better than a life of scavenging on Jakku, Kylo knows.  But rather than throw that back in her face, he tries another tact.  “It means that you are not alone and will never be alone again.”  For even on Jakku like now, he is with her. 

 

“No, I guess not,” she nods, her face inscrutable.  “There is that . . . for both of us.” 

 

Something about the way Rey says that tells him that she has seen just how alone he is too.  And rather than deny it, he simply answers, “Yes.” And just look at her there, probably the only sentient being around for miles on that desolate land.  The half an hour Kylo had once spent on Jakku, he remembers, had been half an hour too much.  “Rey, the books are done being transcribed and recorded.  I’m sending my shuttle to pick you up.  My men will be there in two days.”

 

“Okay,” she brightens.

 

“I need your coordinates.”  

 

That question makes her oddly defensive.  “I don’t have coordinates.”

 

“Then how will they find you on Jakku?”

 

Rey looks away as she says breezily.  “I’m east of the biggest wrecks in the battleground.  In a downed Imperial AT-AT walker.  Tell your men that if they reach the Niima Outpost, they’ve gone too far.” 

 

Okay.  Whatever.  “I’ll tell them to look for the girl in the Resistance uniform,” he decides with a wry smile.

 

She nods and smiles back.  “Be sure to tell them not to shoot.”

 

After that conversation, it’s a four day wait for Rey.  Two days to pick her up on Jakku and two days to get her back to Coruscant.  The bond doesn’t open the whole time and the anticipation is killing him.  Kylo has always been prone to little obsessions.  He can already tell that Rey is becoming one.  What is it about that girl?  Is it because Rey keeps rejecting him?  Normally that wouldn’t go over well with him—he’s had more than his fair share of rejection in his life—but he doesn’t think she’s rejecting him exactly.  She’s rejecting his teaching for fear of the Dark Side, he tells himself. 

 

It’s because she doesn’t trust him.  And with good reason.   She took a chance in the throne room and was disappointed.

 

It’s also because she is afraid.  With good reason.  No doubt his mother and his uncle have filled her head with lies.  Well, probably a few truths too.

 

Kylo comforts himself with the knowledge that in the end, he and Rey will be aligned.  He knows because he has seen it in the Force.  And while the Force can sometimes mislead, it never outright lies.

 

Strangely enough, he thinks that what’s keeping Rey, the would-be Jedi, and himself, the newly ascendant Sith apprentice, apart is not the Force.  It’s him hunting her and the droid in the woods and that awkward failed interrogation afterwards.  It’s him killing Han Solo on the oscillator catwalk and slashing her traitor stormtrooper friend up the back with his sword.  It’s the Starkiller destroying the Hosnia System.  It’s Rey running off with his mother and the remaining zealots of her Resistance cause.  It’s no quarter on Crait and a duel with Skywalker’s Force projection.   In other words, it’s the war.

 

And that’s an issue because he now leads the First Order as the Supreme Leader.  He, Kylo Ren, is the face of the war and now he’s the ultimate responsible person too.  He himself is the focus of her friends’ righteous condemnation and that’s a problem he’s not sure how to surmount.  Because there are moments—lots of moments—when he feels a real empathy and solidarity with Rey.  She is as isolated by her Jakku background as he is isolated by his rank.  And they are both isolated by the Force.  She is as scarred by her orphan existence as he is deeply hurt by his own dysfunctional clan.  She may be Light and he may be Dark, but the commonalities between them as damaged loners cannot be denied. 

 

Plus, Kylo knows that he is conflicted.  He is not wholly Dark and never has been.  And Rey, he suspects, is not as Light as she wants to believe.  No one with her near feral upbringing on harsh Jakku can stay pristinely morally clean.  Can they meet somewhere in the middle, he wonders.  Is that the path to the long elusive balance of the Force?   Kylo isn’t sure.  But he’s open to try.  Because he wants more Rey in his life. 

 

This mysterious Force bond Snoke claimed to have created has turned out to be a bright spot in his life.  The fact that he can’t control the bond makes it all the more exciting.  Sexy even.  Kylo has fantasized about the bond opening at night so he can watch her sleep again.  Seeing Rey asleep on his bed had been the most alluring image he had contemplated in years, chaste though it was.  It’s only a matter of time, he hopes, before the bond opens while Rey is bathing or dressing so he can take a real look.  

 

But all attraction aside, Rey is the closest thing Kylo has had to a friend for a long, long time.  He’s more isolated than ever now that he is the Supreme Leader.  That makes Rey’s refusal to be intimidated by his status or his Force refreshing to him.  And while their sudden and unlikely intimacy may feel uncomfortable and forced, it is also real.  And it’s the closest Kylo has been to anyone—let alone a woman—in years.  Yes, it’s strained at times, but it’s also nice. 

 

For years, Kylo had given Snoke everything.  But no matter how many missions, how many executions, how many battles, it had never been enough.  Even after killing Han Solo, his Master had still found him wanting.  That was Kylo’s wakeup call that there would never be enough sacrifice to please Snoke.  His Master would take and take and take, and never give the approval and acceptance that he needs.  It would always be some form of disapproval and rejection time and again, Kylo had realized with sudden insight. 

 

But not with Rey.  Rey had marched into Snoke’s presence and boldly announced not to underestimate him.  I’ll help you, she had told him in the elevator on the way up.  It was the first time that anyone had believed in him for a long, long time.  Rey had called him Ben to his face then and ever since.  At the time, Kylo had known what she was doing, but it made an impression on him nonetheless.  Because in truth he’s only Kylo Ren when he puts on the mask and uniform.  Underneath and in private, he has always remained Ben. 

 

Identities are far less malleable that they at first appear.  Who you are is who you are, he has long known.    It’s why he made a terrible Jedi at first and then a second rate Sith.  The problem is what the problem has always been:  that he’s a conflicted Skywalker Chosen One.  Spiteful old Lor San Tekka’s dying words have turned out to be true:  Kylo Ren cannot deny the truth that is his family.  And that’s been the problem from day one, Jedi or Sith. 

 

And so, after years of being torn between the two sides of the Force culminating in unsatisfying patricide, Kylo Ren had enough.  When the opportunity presented itself, Kylo took the plunge.  He assassinated Snoke and turned to Rey and held out his hand.  Flush with their joint victory in the moment, he had offered her peace and purpose.  He had offered her the galaxy.  He had offered her everything. 

 

She had turned him down.

 

He’s only beginning to understand now what might have been.  Kylo has had little fleeting glimpses of it.  He and Rey sitting side by side with Luke Skywalker’s books to study the Force.  Rey touching Vader’s mask and instantly experiencing a Force vision in his arms. Rey . . .  just being around him . . . being Rey.  A pragmatic girl with idealism peeking through, the untutored novice savant in the Force who once bested him, a lowly illiterate scavenger with unpretentious dignity and a disarmingly direct style.  She is pretty in a way that grows on you.  She is sweet with plenty of salt.  Life has given Rey hard edges, but there is still softness too.  And truthfully, it is the mix of her personality that keeps drawing him in.

 

Perhaps, he wonders again for the umpteenth time, instead of asking Rey to rule the galaxy he should have simply asked her to be his friend.  Maybe even his girlfriend.  Instead, he impulsively offered everything—the chance to share his power and his Empire.  That was foolish.  He should have started small and just offered her his heart. 

 

When the day finally comes for Rey to arrive back to his ship, Kylo is full of nervous excitement about how to act.  They will sit side by side again, he plans.  And he will read aloud the pertinent text on Force bonds.  Then, they will discuss it and he will see what she thinks.  The comparison of the bond to battle trances has him intrigued.  He and Rey had fought effortlessly together in Snoke’s throne room even though they had been enemies prior to that.  Just how powerful could this bond be in relation to others, he wonders.  Could this connection be more than just a personal thing?  

 

One thing is for certain, he wants to strengthen the bond.  Kylo has some ideas on that.  He thinks maybe he can convince Rey to try some mental Force exercises as she holds his hands.  And, then, if all goes well, when she is sitting next to him, he will steal a kiss.  Since he held Rey in his arms that day, he has been wondering about the feel of her lips on his.  He is Kylo Ren, bold enough to kill his Sith Master and to demand that the galaxy bend to his will.  He is bold enough to give Rey a kiss.  And maybe that will hurry destiny up, he hopes.

 

Kylo is on the bridge when he is alerted to the arrival of his command shuttle.  Rey is here.  She is finally here.  Kylo starts striding fast to the elevator that will lead him to the hangar bay to welcome his guest.  But first, Hux’s second-in-command steps into his path with a tedious and needless update.  It’s annoying, but these days everyone wants to get in his face purely for some visibility with the Supreme Leader.  Kylo is starting to long for the privacy and seclusion of a throne room.  He has been delayed long enough.  Kylo sidesteps Hux’s aide and exits the bridge.

 

In the five minutes it takes him to get to the hangar bay, his shuttle has landed.  And it has attracted notice.  As he walks up, Kylo sees that the shuttle is surrounded by troopers with guns drawn.  Commanding in their midst is his righthand man, the odious General Hux.

 

“Supreme Leader, how pleased you must be to have captured our old Leader’s assassin at last.  And how astutely you laid your trap.”  Hux overenunciates as usual.  Then, he steps forward for a showy salute.  That allows Kylo a better look at what lies behind him.  It’s Rey on her knees with a blaster flush to each temple.   She’s wearing her Resistance uniform and, somewhat surprisingly, her lightsaber is still at her waist.  No one in his army appears to recognize what it is.  And that’s statement enough on how dead the Jedi Order is.

 

“She does not even deny it, Supreme Leader.  That’s how guilty she is,” Hux crows.

 

Rey is glaring at him silently, eyes wide and nostrils flaring.  She’s clearly waiting to see what his next move is.

 

“Well done, Supreme Leader.”

 

“She will pay for her crime.”

 

“Long live the Supreme Leader.”

 

There is a chorus of commendations from the dozen or so officers Hux has assembled for this clearly pre-planned intervention.   It is being witnessed by nearly all in his senior command, Kylo sees at a glance.

 

“Shall I kill her, or will you light your sword and do it yourself?” Hux asks with oily relish.  He’s grandstanding, as usual.  “For today, vengeance is ours.”

 

And then everyone looks to him.


	9. Chapter 9

Oh, fuck, Kylo thinks, as he stares behind his mask into Hux’s smug face.  

Then he looks again at silent, glaring Rey on her knees.

This was bound to happen.  He has been too arrogant in assuming that his status as Supreme Leader would allow him to blithely ignore the circumstances of Snoke’s death.  Kylo isn’t sure whether Hux knows killing Snoke was a conspiracy or whether he thinks it’s just a murder he blamed on Rey.  But it’s clear that Hux knows he was in on it.  There’s no way Army Hux would be doing this sort of grandstanding just in memory of dearly departed old Snoke.  And that’s sort of weird, since by serving up Rey for execution, Hux is essentially giving Kylo a way out.

But for whatever reason, this is happening now.  His entire senior command is looking to him, waiting with baited breath.  Kylo knows that he needs to act decisively.  Right now.

 So Kylo raises a hand and his grandfather’s—no Rey’s—lightsaber flies from her waist to his open hand.  His first act will be a clear reminder to all that Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, has the magic Force.  Kylo Ren is the obvious and only worthy heir to Snoke.  Kylo slowly turns the sword over in his hands as a pretense of consideration.  It’s all an act.  Kylo knows perfectly well what he needs to do.

 “Cuff her.  Take her to detention and put her in a cell,” he orders gruffly.  “After I interrogate her, I will deal with her myself.”

 Everyone looks disappointed, but his soldiers nonetheless move quickly to carry out his commands.  Kylo is careful not to look at Rey as she is dragged away. Thankfully, she’s keeping her cool.  Rey had done the very same thing when she had shown up on the _Supremacy_ to be placed into custody and taken to Snoke.  Rey might not understand all the dynamics of the situation this time, but she keeps her feelings to herself.   He hopes that is a sign of her growing trust.

 “Where is the team leader?”  Kylo turns to the band of special forces stormtroopers who retrieved Rey from Jakku.  He very publicly orders:  “Report.”

 “The girl was just where you said she’d be, Supreme Leader.  She did not put up a fight.  It was almost like she was expecting us, Sir.  She was quiet and easy the whole flight.”

 “Well done, Sergeant.  Your work here is done.  Dismissed.”  Then the Supreme Leader looks pointedly around at the rest of the assembly. “Dismissed all of you,” he says in clipped tones.  “Get back to war.”  Everyone takes their cue to depart except Hux who lingers.

 “However did you find her?” his second-in-command asks.

 Kylo knows full well that Hux, like most of his senior commanders, is intimidated by the Force.  So he digs in on that point, answering, “It was not a difficult task.  I found her in the Force.”

 “Yes,” Hux answers stiffly.  “Yes, of course.”

 Kylo loiters a good ten minutes more in the very public center of the hangar bay.  He grills Hux over and over on his lack of progress on Coruscant until his redheaded nemesis is desperate to get away.  Then, for good measure, Kylo punctuates his last growling demand for better battlefield results with a mild Force choke.  Hopefully, the general gets the point that he will not be intimidated or manipulated.  And that he should not try a stunt like this again.

Has enough time elapsed?  Kylo decides yes.  He dismisses Hux and stalks off to help Rey.

When Kylo marches into the detention center, it’s overflowing with prisoners from Coruscant so it is fully staffed.  Still, there is only one female detention officer on duty.  She’s shorter and not as slim as Rey, but she will have to do. 

“You,” he beckons the young woman away from the intake desk.  “Come with me.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Where is the Resistance woman my shuttle just brought in?” he demands.

“Right this way, Sir.  The troopers had some trouble getting her in the interrogation chair.”

Kylo has no doubt of that. 

“Eventually, they got her strapped in.  She’s a live one, Sir.  When we told the prisoner you were coming to interrogate her, she said to bring it on.”

Kylo has no doubt of that either.

“We all saw what she is here for,” the talkative woman keeps up her nervous chatter.  “She must be very dangerous with the Force.  Watch yourself, Sir,” the officer advises loyally.  “You’re our Supreme Leader now.”

When they reach Rey’s cell, the woman keys in the access code.  Then she turns to him.  “It’s set to maximum security.  I need your authorization to open up, Sir.”  The woman steps aside for Kylo to key in his approval, but he ignores this and simply waves the door open with the Force.

Inside the cell, Rey is standing beside the interrogation chair.  She has her arms crossed looking outraged.

“Hey!” the detention officer hollers as she grabs fast for her sidearm.  But Kylo intercepts the weapon with the Force.  He waves the door closed behind them.  Then he points the blaster at the detention officer’s head and fires.

It’s an instantaneous death.  The woman slumps to the floor. 

“Oh!” Rey shrieks in response.  Her eyes are wide as she accuses, “Ben, you killed that woman!” 

“Yes.”  He doesn’t see the problem.   He was careful not to muss her uniform.  This should work out fine. 

“Why?”  Rey demands.  Now she has both hands on her hips.  The stance is very Leia Organa of her.  “And what is going on?” Rey’s eyes are hard and her expression is cold.  “I told you before that I will not be your prisoner!”

Why?? Is she not following?   Rey might have managed to sneak out of Starkiller Base looking like a peasant but she will stick out like a sore thumb dressed like that on the _Finalizer_.  Kylo points to the fallen woman.  “She died because you need her uniform.  Now, come on.  We need to get you out of here.  Fast.”  He starts stripping off the downed officer’s jacket.  

“You killed her for her uniform?” 

“Yes.  We need to make this prison break look believable to have been done on your own.  She came to check on you, you shot her, and stole her uniform for a disguise.”  He’s got the woman’s jacket off and now he starts yanking at her boots.  Kylo looks up into Rey’s indignant face and scowls. “You are a Resistance fighter,” he reminds her impatiently.   “She’s your enemy who has imprisoned you here.  Don’t pretend that you wouldn’t have killed her if she were on Crait.”  Kylo flashes Rey a knowing look.  “That was you in the _Falcon_ taking out my TIEs, right?”

His point hits home.  Rey kneels and starts yanking off the dead woman’s other boot.   “I’m not sure who my enemies are anymore,” she mutters to herself. 

“Yeah?”  Behind his mask, Kylo makes a face.  “Well, Hux is one of them, so put this on,” he tosses the uniform jacket squarely at her chest.  

Rey hesitates, staring at it.  

“Put it on!” he orders again.  “You want to get out of here, right?”

“Right,” Rey breathes out, as she looks over at the dead woman who is maybe ten years older than she.  But still young and very much in the prime of her life.   The female detention officer had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that’s fatal in wartime, Kylo knows from long experience. 

“It’s done,” he tells the still hesitating Rey.  It’s times like this that Jedi scruples are very inconvenient.   They are wasting precious time. 

“She was on your side, Ben.  She trusted you.”  Rey is troubled now as she realizes, “Snoke trusted you too.  Whose side are you on?” she demands of him.   And now is not the time for this sort of discussion.

“Rey—”

“Whose side are you on?” she asks again.  “Is this Ben Solo who’s helping me escape,” she wants to know, “Or are you Kylo Ren now?”

It’s a home question.  The truth is that he’s only ever been on his own side.  That answer is not wholly self-preservation and self-aggrandizement, it’s also his reasoned decision.  Because whether he was Jedi Padawan Ben Solo or Snoke’s apprentice Kylo Ren, he has been doing what he thinks is for the best.  And what he thinks is best has evolved over time.  So, he looks Rey in the eye.  “The future,” is his answer.  “Rey, I’m fighting for the future.  That’s whose side I am on.  Now, get dressed.  We are wasting time.”

Rey still looks dubious and unsatisfied, but she shrugs out of her Resistance jacket.  Next, she is kicking off her boots and yanking the fallen woman’s uniform pants over her own.  Luckily, they are big and hang low and that makes up for the shorter length.  Now, Rey makes a face as she plunges her feet into the boots.  “Owww . . . these are small,” she complains. 

“Big feet?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”  

The boots are on and Rey starts at the top buttoning the fallen woman’s jacket down as he starts at the bottom buttoning it up.  When they are finished, he hands her the detention officer’s hat that has fallen off.  Kylo stands back now to survey his work.  Damn, Rey looks good in that uniform, he thinks as he scrutinizes the complete look.  But something is off.  

“Fix your hair.  Women here don’t wear their hair that way.”  He never sees women on his ship with a ponytail swinging down their back.

“How do they wear it?” Rey asks blankly. 

“In a knot at the neck. You can barely see it under the hat.” 

Rey does something with her hair tie and jams the hat back on.  “Like this?”

“Yes.  Keep your head down and keep that hat pulled low,” he orders.  “I don’t want the security cameras picking up your face.  Just keep quiet and play along.”  Kylo opens the cell door and they exit.  Then he makes sure it is fully locked requiring the senior officer code authorization.   As they march through the detention center, he starts spouting off orders loudly, ostensibly to Rey, the subordinate at his side.  “The prisoner is to be kept in solitary.  No one in or out other than yourself.  She is too dangerous.  Too much of a flight risk.  I will interrogate her later myself.”

He looks expectantly to Rey and she pipes up, “Yes, Sir.”  And he likes the sound of that on her lips.  Kylo smiles behind the mask.

They are off now, walking at a fast clip for the hangar bay.  “These boots are killing me,” Rey mutters at his side as they step onto an empty elevator. 

“Deal with it,” he tells her curtly.  “Those boots are your ticket for getting out of here alive.”

“Care to explain why I got arrested in the first place?” she bites back.  “Because I thought I was coming here to get my Force books.”

“You were, and I’ll get those books back to you another time.”

“This isn’t about the books!  How come everyone in the First Order thinks I killed Supreme Leader Snoke?”

“Because around here, you did,” he informs her.  “You had the opportunity on the _Supremacy_ and the motive everyone understands.  Plus, no one doubts that you are capable of it since the whole Order knows you kicked my ass.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Hux tells that story as often as he can.  How you bested me in a duel in the Starkiller woods and left me for dead.”  Until Hux swooped in to save the day, of course.  In his own mind, Army Hux was a hero that day.

“That’s not exactly how I remember it—”

“That’s essentially what you did—”

“Well, Chewie had shot you first so you were weakened.  So, it wasn’t an even fight.  But yeah . . . I won.  You know, the planet was collapsing at the time.  Ben, I couldn’t have helped you if I had tried—”

“You didn’t want to help me at the time.”

“Yes, well, there is that . . . ” 

The elevator door opens and they walk out.  As usual, everyone in the hallway shrinks from his path.  It’s very handy for getting someplace fast.

“So I am basically the most wanted Resistance fugitive by the First Order now?  Is that it?” Rey asks under her breath as they stride side by side.

“Yes.” 

“Well, thanks for that.”

“Be proud, Rey.  You have replaced Skywalker on the top of that list.  We reserve that spot exclusively for Sith-killing Jedi,” he drawls.

“Yeah?”  She thinks a moment.  “Then, I guess I am kind of proud.  But were you ever going to tell me that?  I have been showing up here totally unaware—”

“You were fine.  Each time, I was with you—”

“Not today, you weren’t!”

“Keep your voice down.”

“I marched out of your shuttle and someone shoved a blaster under my nose.  Where were you then, Ben?”  And now, Rey clearly is thinking through the ramifications of the situation.  “I guess this means I can’t join you now, even if I wanted to sign up.  Because I’m the girl who murdered Supreme Leader Snoke.”

He’s thought through this issue already.  Kylo dismisses her point.  “That only matters until my position is fully solidified and Hux is gone.  Once I win the war, we’ll let the truth come out.  Give me time and I’ll clear your name if you want me to.”  If it were him, Kylo would keep things as is.  He’s be the badass bitch who killed old man Snoke.  Because people would think twice before messing with her.

“Is anyone in the First Order going to follow you if they know you killed Snoke?” she wants to know.

“If I killed Snoke who everyone feared, then there is all the more reason to fear me,” he reasons.  “We’ll make the pitch that I am the strongman leader the galaxy needs.”

“I guess that’s one solution,” Rey sighs, rolling her eyes.  “Or . . . you could just join me.”

That’s a non-starter.  Even more so now than before.  “Rey, if I jump ship to the Resistance, then Hux will lead the Order.  You said it yourself—the guy is a nut.  He would have way too much firepower at his disposal.”

“Are you telling me you have a backup Starkiller Base?” she says archly.

“No.  But Snoke spent credits on plenty of other extremely lethal stuff.  If I switched sides to join my mother, it would be civil war without end.  Hasn’t the galaxy had enough of that?”

“But—”

“Rey.”  He stops in his tracks and whirls, looming over her.  “I believe in the goals of the First Order.  Don’t kid yourself.  You can quibble over our means, but you cannot fault our goals.  Peace, order, and progress for the galaxy as a whole, not just the Core.  The New Republic had their chance.  Now, our time has come.”  He needs her to understand how important this is to him.  “It’s what my grandfather wanted and what I want too.”

Rey takes a step back.  “You don’t sound like a leader ready to reform for the sake of balance—”

“These things take time.  And the war isn’t even over yet.”  He shoots her a frustrated look from behind his mask.  “And you yourself have done your best to make sure things drag out,” Kylo gripes.   Now is not the time nor the place for this discussion, he thinks, as they stride into the hangar bay.  But he can’t manage to hold back his frustrated bitterness.  Kylo Ren has been at war for years now and he has long since lost patience with this sort of naivete. 

“Did you think this was going to be easy, Rey?  That you and I would just agree to resolve the conflict in the Force and everything would magically be okay?   Because not all conflicts are a matter of Dark or Light.  There are plenty of political and social disputes that have nothing to do with being Jedi or Sith.  This,” he hisses as he waves a gloved finger in her face, “is where the Jedi went wrong.  Trying to meddle in everything, all of the time.  From trade disputes to treaty violations to boundary disputes to run-of-the-mill Senate politics.  It was a mistake!  Let the war decide the political fate of the galaxy.  Then you and I together will balance the Force.  That will go a long way towards making things better . . . you’ll see.”

“You’re a power mad Sith, like you’ve always been,” she accuses. 

“You’re missing my point entirely,” he counters.  “It’s the overbearing Jedi who insist on organizing everything.  The galaxy will finally be unified—”

“By violence and fear!”

He ignores this outburst.  “And then we have a chance to make things right.”

“Like in the good old Empire days?” she sneers.

“You’re just like my mother, aren’t you?” he observes sourly.  “In all the best and worst ways.  There is no compromise in Leia Organa.  But, Rey, I really hope that there is compromise in you.  Because leaders compromise!  It is essential to the Resistance dream of galactic democracy.  And it will be essential to the First Order too.  So stop standing on principle on everything.”  He shoots her another irked look from behind the mask.  “It’s very tiresome.”

“There sure isn’t any compromise in Hux.”

“Again, that’s my point.  Rey, trust me, the First Order under me is far preferable to the First Order under Hux.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, “I could see that.”

“Once I win this war and consolidate my power, I will be able to make the changes we need.  Who knows, Rey?  The First Order might become a hybrid of the best of the Empire and the best of the Old Republic, just with another name.”  Kylo shakes his head and resumes walking swiftly.  “This is a conversation for another time.  First, we need to get you safe.  Come on.”

He marches her over to his personal TIE Silencer.  He looks on as Rey gives the ship a covert but long appraisal.  It’s clear she likes what she sees.

“What is this?  She’s beautiful,” Rey breathes out.  “Sleek and fast, I’ll bet.”  And that’s just the reaction Kylo had expected.  Rey looks like she is itching to get in the cockpit.

“This is my ship,” he confirms.  “It has code clearances and landing permits across the galaxy and it needs no pre-authorization to leave.  She’s your ticket out of here, Rey.”  This is the one ship that no one in the First Order will second guess or dare bother.  Plus, it’s as heavily armored as a single-man fighter can be.  It is basically the best protection he can give Rey fleeing on her own.  

Kylo now turns to regard Rey seriously through the mask.  “This isn’t the _Falcon_ , so tell me the truth.  Can you handle something like this?”

She looks almost offended by the question.  “I can fly anything,” she boasts. 

“Good.  Because this isn’t for a beginner.”

“Everything in order, Sir?”  It’s a deck officer approaching to check on things.

“Fine.  Dismissed,” he shoos away the man.  They are in the far corner of the hangar bay, which affords them a relative degree of privacy.  But as usual, Kylo Ren feels many eyes on him.  It’s worse now that he is the Supreme Leader.  So, he walks Rey around the back where they get maximum shielding from prying eyes by the TIE’s distinctive concave elongated wings. 

He starts giving Rey some pointers.  “She makes point nine beyond lightspeed but she’s sluggish on the start.  This ship is built for short range fighting, so her hyperdrive is not her strong suit.  Just get out beyond the blockade perimeter and jump out of here.   Go anywhere but Jakku.  The shuttle crew that picked you up know you live there and my shuttle flight plans will show it too.  Jakku is not safe for you now.” 

“Okay.” 

“Dump the ship the first place you land.  I’ll be erasing its data while you’re inflight, so don’t think that you can arrive at the Resistance for them to slice it up.  The only security breach today is you, Rey.  Not my ship.”

“That figures.”

“If you get in a dogfight on the way out of here, you’re armed with everything, Rey.  Mag pulses, proton torpedoes, heavy and regular laser cannons.  You’ll be fine.  She’s shielded almost as well as a star destroyer, so just put her in a clockwise spin and get away.”

“Okay.”  She gives him a grim smile now.  “It might be worth getting arrested just to get to fly this thing.”

 About that . . .   He steps closer now.  “Rey, this is not how I thought today would go—”  Far, far from it, he thinks.  He is bitterly disappointed about it too.

“Me neither.”  She gives him a hard, resentful look.  “I had no idea you set me up to take the fall for killing Snoke.”

“Rey, it was the only explanation at the time--”

“I was actually looking forward to seeing you, did you know?”  Rey looks away, biting her lip.  “But that was before I had two blasters pointed at my head and I got strapped to an interrogation chair.”

“Rey, that was Hux.  I had nothing to do with it—”

She scowls.  “I know that now.  But I didn’t know that then.”

Indignant, he yanks his mask off at this.  He wants to look Rey in the eye.  “You mean you actually thought I brought you here to arrest you??”

She snaps back, “Well, the thought crossed my mind when they slapped on the cuffs that maybe I was wrong again.”  Rey looks down and sighs out her frustration.  “I guess I was starting to trust you.  That was my mistake.  It’s this bond thing . . .   I guess that’s why the Jedi thought these bonds were manipulative.   Because this bond makes me want to believe in you.”  She says that like it’s a bad thing and it makes him cringe.  “I believed in you once and all I did was help you kill your Master and ascend to power.”  Her face is ugly now in the stressful honesty of the moment.  “You got everything you ever wanted and I got nothing in exchange.  And here I am again, back at the First Order acting the fool . . . all because I want so much to believe in you . . . “

“In us,” he corrects, stepping forward even more into her space.

“There is no ‘us’!” Rey raises her voice a bit too loudly and immediately looks around and blanches as a result. 

He shakes his head no.  “The bond is for life, Rey.  There will always be an ‘us.’”  He is searching her eyes with his.  “Whether there is war or peace . . . whether the First Order rules or it’s the Republic . . Dark or Light . . . as long as we are both alive, there will always be an ‘us.’”   These words come out one part threat, one part statement of fact, and one part vow.  “Rey, I . . . I . . . “  He has run out of words to say and they are running out to time.  So, Kylo Ren, man of action, stops making speeches and starting making moves.  He leans in and surprises them both with a kiss.

This isn’t the ambiguous soft kiss he had planned to give Rey to leave her wondering and wanting after the fact.  The casual kiss that in the right set of circumstances might have been the sophisticated greeting or farewell from merely a friend.  The kiss of a man practiced and confident in social settings between men and women.  No, this is the impulsive, raw kiss of Kylo Ren.  And it is as passionate, as primal, and as needy as he is.  And as reckless too.  For he has the number one fugitive of the First Order pinned up against the wing of his TIE as he kisses her senseless.  They are in the public of the hangar bay and he is unmasked.  The is the woman who scarred his face and who not twenty minutes ago General Hux had invited him to behead.  This is just the sort of toxic, fucked up romance that only happens in the Skywalker clan.   After all, his parents met on the Death Star and his grandfather broke his Jedi vows to secretly marry his grandmother.  So, it’s sort of fitting that he would be lusting after a girl on the opposite side of a war.  Because this is how his family does things.

Kylo has zero experience with women and that has never bothered him before.  He long ago learned to sublimate those urges into violence and the Force.  But that all falls away now as Kylo’s habitual veneer of sarcastic indifference falls away. For Rey is the only woman who has ever provoked his interest.  She’s the one woman in the galaxy who is his true peer.  She won’t bend to his will and, truthfully, she has opposed him in almost every way.  It’s the ultimate in playing hard to get, since he and Rey have sincere differences and yet she is impossible for him to replace.    

More and more, Kylo thinks that his attraction to Rey feels like destiny.  Like it is something beyond his conscious control.  Because he and Rey don’t flirt like a normal couple.  They don’t date.  They can’t even have a conversation that is less than completely serious in all things.  Their small talk is about the war and the Force.  She first ended up in his arms when he stole her away to interrogate.  And they touched hands in their minds long before they had ever kissed.  And now they are involuntarily bonded together in the Force.  It’s almost as if the universe has arranged their shotgun marriage and there is no divorce. 

So, yeah, he is going to kiss her.  This isn't the privacy of his quarters and this isn’t the lead up he imagined, but nothing about today has gone the way he wanted.  It will do.  For what’s the point in being the Supreme Leader of the galaxy if you can’t break the rules now and then.  And, oh, this keeps going on.   Shouldn’t she be stopping him or something?  But she’s not, so he takes full advantage to deepen and prolong the kiss.   He’s aggressive like that.  Kylo has no idea if he’s doing this correctly, but she isn’t protesting and he’s not ready to quit.   

Finally, the sound of a TIE launching nearby brings him back to reality. Kylo wrenches his head back to break the kiss. He’s panting, she’s panting. He shoves back on his helmet, she bends to retrieve her fallen hat.  Then they stand there staring at each other in openmouthed silence a long moment. 

“Get out of here, Rey.”  Kylo waves a hand to open the ship’s cockpit with the Force.  “Now,” he orders.  

She complies and minutes later she is gone. 

Kylo hurries away back to his quarters as fast as he can.  He wants to be alone now to process all that has transpired. For what does it say about Rey if both he and the Resistance think she is the hope for the future?  And how will he and Rey ever function as leaders on opposing sides of a war if they have this unbreakable Force bond?  And now, this undeniable physical attraction too?  Rey had been as enthusiastic about that kiss as he had, Kylo thinks.  But he isn’t fooled.  He would bet a large sum of credits that Rey is now headed back to the Resistance in his ship.  Kylo had succeeded in separating Rey from his mother and her terrorist friends.  But now Hux has likely driven her back again. 

And what to do about Hux?  Kylo knows damned well that the general hadn’t pulled that stunt earlier thinking that Kylo had any intention of killing Rey.  That was the point—Hux had known all along that Kylo wouldn’t kill her and that’s why Hux had set things up that way.  In de facto refusing to execute her, Kylo had looked soft before his leaders in a way Snoke would never have been perceived.  His old Master had no qualms in gratuitous, spontaneous displays of violence.  Kylo is more tempted than ever now to kill Hux, but the time is just not right.  Kylo needs the war over before he executes his best general and causes dissension in the ranks.  For General Armitage Hux with his fiery speeches is a favorite of the First Order common man and he has handpicked loyalists at all levels of the officer corps.  

These are problems that Kylo cannot solve today.  So he turns his attention to the pressing problems he can remedy.  First things first, he needs to deal with the detention center security cam feed that will reveal him helping Rey.  Then, he needs to return there to ostensibly interrogate her.  Kylo will be sure to have several witnesses on hand when he opens the cell to find it empty except for the hapless dead detention officer.  He knows he needs to see his ruse all the way through.  

 


	10. Chapter 10

“You’re getting good at escaping the First Order, Rey.  This is twice in a month,” General Leia Organa tells her after all the reunion hugs with Chewie, Finn, Rose, and Poe are completed and Rey has been debriefed about her escape.  Her story is that she returned the _Falcon_ to Unkar Plutt to pay off an old debt.  Then, the First Order came to pick her up on Jakku and she had once again been taken into custody and escaped.  It’s true, just not the whole truth.  But everyone accepts it as fact.  Ben’s princess mother doesn’t question it either when she wanders by a chat.

 

“The uniform helped this time,” Rey says sheepishly as she yanks off her too tight boots and shrugs out of the borrowed jacket and pants.  She’s feeling entirely too fascist dressed like this and it creeps her out.  Unfortunately, all Rey has left of her own clothes are her undershirt and capri pants.  Rey doesn’t even have her lightsaber anymore.  “I don’t suppose we have any extra uniforms or boots around here?” she asks.

 

The general shakes her head with a rueful smile.  “We have next to nothing, Rey.  You know that.  But ask around and maybe we can scrounge up something.”

 

“So no word from the allies in the Outer Rim?”

 

Leia Organa looks grim.  “So far, it’s a lot of talk and a few credits.  No real meaningful offers of assistance or munitions.”  She sighs.  “The Outer Rim is First Order territory these days and they have really cracked down of late.  We are getting some help from the Core.  But even that is meager.” 

 

Rey reads the resignation in the general’s face and it gives her pause.  Rey sits back down now and asks the subdued general softly, “So it’s just a matter of time, right?  It’s over, isn’t it?  This time, it is really over?”

 

Stalwart old Leia Organa shakes her head at this.  “No,” she says with a motherly, encouraging face.  “It will never be over, Rey.  The Resistance may be defeated soon but others will rise up to take our place.  Maybe not now, but eventually.  People yearn for freedom,” she shares her wisdom gleaned from a lifetime at war and at statecraft.  “As long as there are people with hope for a better tomorrow, our cause will live on.  Others will continue our fight.”

 

Leia Organa sounds so committed, so certain, but Rey can’t help but give voice to her own fears.  “Have you ever thought of just giving up?” Rey whispers miserably.  Because Ben’s arguments have had their effect and now Rey has doubts.  Many doubts.

 

“Once or twice I have thought of giving up,” Leia Organa admits.   “Truthfully, I never imagined that I would be fighting this fight at my age.  Rey, I was barely older than you when I thought that we had won.  I was wrong.  And now, in some ways I am responsible for this war.”  Rey immediately recognizes the oblique reference to Ben Solo.  Leia Organa smiles sadly now as she reaches over to pat at Rey’s hand.  “I’m glad that you are safe.  There are a lot of people here very excited to see you back.”

 

Rey hears the omission loud and clear.  Leia Organa is not excited to see her back.  Rey confronts this head on:  “You told me to stay away.”

 

“I know,” the general concedes.  “But I am glad that you are safe, even if it brought you back to us.  And,” the older woman gives Rey a serious look, “I want you to leave again in a few days.  Because you aren’t like the rest of us here, Rey.  You represent a different sort of hope.”

 

“Because I have the Force,” Rey completes the thought.

 

“Yes.”  The general sits forward in her seat and leans onto her cane.  She is very serious now and speaking low.  “I don’t want you to run into my son again, Rey.  Let what happened in Snoke’s throne room be a lesson.  Ben is lost.  Luke saw it.  I see it now.  I sent Han to his death because I refused to believe it.  But I cannot deny it any longer.”  Leia Organa wears a horrible face of regret and guilt.  “You have no idea how hard that is for a mother to admit about her son.”

 

Rey can’t meet the older woman’s eyes now as she says, “There is Light in him.  I know because I felt it, General."  She has felt the Light in Ben Solo and seen it in his actions towards herself.  Ben has even admitted to his conflict.  He knows that there is Light in him still.

 

“It’s not enough to make him change his ways.”

 

Rey has no rejoinder to that truth.  She confesses her own regrets now.  “I worry that I made things worse by going to him.  I enabled him to kill Snoke and seize control.  If Snoke were alive, Ben might have turned to the Light.  But now that he is unopposed in Darkness he has no reason to do so.” 

 

Leia Organa nods in agreement and adds her own wisdom.  “People only change if they want to change.  Darth Vader wanted to change and Luke finally gave him the opportunity.  You gave Ben the opportunity but he didn’t want to change.”

 

“No.  No, he didn’t.  He even admitted that,” Rey says in a small, dispirited voice.  She exhales a sigh now as she confesses her folly.  “Luke warned me.  He said I was making a mistake.  That things would not go the way I thought they would.  But I went anyway.   I was angry with Luke and I went anyway . . . “

 

“Why?”  Ben’s mother asks plainly, with searching eyes.  “Why would you defy Luke?”

 

This is the perfect opportunity for Rey to confess the Force bond.  But she doesn’t take it.  Not directly, at least.  

 

“I think I wanted to be the hero,” Rey explains softly.  “I sensed the Light in Ben.  And loneliness.  I . . . I thought I could help.” 

 

More than anything, Rey had keenly sensed Ben’s loneliness.  How isolated he is from his peers.  How bereft of kindness his everyday existence is.  How hard and indifferent a task master Snoke was to his apprentice.  How physically removed Ben is from his world by his mask and his gloves.   More than anything, what convinced her to go to Ben was that moment when she had physically reached out in the Force and he had reached back.  In that moment, Rey had thought that she understood him.  But in reality, she had understood only one facet of him—his isolation. 

 

It had resonated so strongly with her because isolation has dominated Rey’s own psyche for years.  It’s why, desperate for company, she took pity on a lost droid in the desert.  It’s why she had spent so many years waiting in vain for parents who would never come.  It’s why she had so quickly latched onto Han Solo and Finn and why Luke Skywalker had been such a disappointment—because lonely Rey of Jakku has only ever wanted to belong.  Ben is right that her need for a family is her greatest weakness.  Rey sees now that she had generalized from her own wretched existence to assume that loneliness was a motivating factor for Ben too.  And maybe it is, in a way.  But it’s only a part of what motivates Ben Solo.  And it’s not the most important part.

 

It is humbling for Rey to realize that she is the one who is completely trapped by her loneliness and looking for love everywhere.  Even in the arms of a patricidal megalomaniac who is randomly cruel and consistently violent.  But whose kiss threatens to bring her to her knees in a way his sword and his threats never could.

 

“The way you can help,” Leia Organa tells her sternly, “is to stay alive to learn the Force and pass it on.  The Light must go on and the Jedi must survive.”

 

“But I have no training—” Rey protests.

 

“You will find a way.   I know you will.”  Again, Leia Organa pats at her hand.  “If there is one lesson I learned from the New Republic, it’s that the future doesn’t have to look exactly like the past.  You can honor the past and take the best from it when you build something new.  Now, it falls to you, Rey, to build the Jedi anew.”

 

This is a responsibility that intimidates Rey.  “But Luke himself couldn’t do it.  He tried and he failed to build a new Jedi Order.”  Plus, all she has to go on are some old books she can’t read that are now in the hands of the First Order.  Rey doesn’t even have her lightsaber anymore.  It’s on the enemy ship commanded by the Sith who kissed her goodbye.  Luke Skywalker had freaked out when she and Ben had merely touched hands in the Force.  What would Luke think now?  No doubt he would be aghast.  So . . . what kind of lousy Jedi is she exactly? 

 

“I tried and I failed too with the New Republic,” Leia Organa admits bluntly.  “But that doesn’t mean I am giving up.  I’m learning from my mistakes, Rey.  Even at my age, it’s never too late to learn.”

 

“Then you too need to be sure to survive,” Rey tells Leia Organa tartly, “because you are the Luke Skywalker of the New Republic.”  This woman is the matriarch of galactic democracy.  And a wily general in her own right.

 

“It’s all written down, Rey,” the general tells her solemnly.  She reaches into her pocket to produce a small datafile.  “Here.  Threepio has one.  I’m giving one of these to Poe as well.”

 

“What is it?” Rey asks, fingering the datafile.

 

“A record of everything I did wrong,” Leia Organa says with a wry smile.  “Those are my memoirs, Rey.  I started writing them about a month after Ben burned down Luke’s temple.  I knew then where things were headed.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It’s all there, Rey.  What I learned from the Rebellion and the New Republic.  What I learned from war and the Force and life.  What I think I did right and what I know I did wrong.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“There you have it.”  Leia Organa reaches to close Rey’s fingers over the datafile.  “An old woman’s musings.  Hold on to them, Rey, until the time is right. Now,” she moves on.  “I am giving you two or three days here tops, Rey.  There’s no telling when the First Order will show up.  I want you out of here and safe.”  She gives Rey a stern look.  “That’s an order.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey dutifully responds as she pockets the small datafile that is Leia Organa’s version of Luke Skywalker’s old Jedi books.  Rey hesitates before broaching the next topic, but since they are speaking so seriously it seems like the time is right.  And chances are good Rey won’t get another chance to discuss this.  “Chewie said I should have killed Ben when I came to on Snoke’s ship.  I had the chance.  But I couldn’t.  General, I just couldn’t.”

 

This weirdly comes out as an apology for not killing her son.   But that’s how messed up things are in the General’s family, Rey knows.  The Skywalkers seem to end up enemies as often as they do allies.  So Rey continues her awkward explanation.  “I went there to save Ben, not to kill him.”   It would have been cold blooded murder to kill Ben while he was unconscious in the throne room, she thinks.

 

The older woman nods.   “I honor your scruples, but you may have to kill him in the end, Rey.”  Leia Organa takes a deep breath that she loudly exhales.  “Rey, you have my permission to kill my son.”

 

“I don’t want to kill him,” Rey whispers.  It’s the truth. 

 

“I made Luke promise not to kill Ben years ago,” Leia Organa says softly.  “In retrospect, that was the wrong decision.  But at the time, I just wasn’t ready to let go.  It’s hard to give up on someone you love.”

 

Yes, Rey knows.  She’s having a very hard time giving up on the dream of finding her own family that she had clung to for so long.  It’s not that Rey isn’t a realist about the situation, but more that it’s hard to come to grips with people who disappoint you so badly.   But there is one big difference between Ben Solo and her parents:   Ben is still alive.  Giving up on him seems far too premature.  Plus, the general’s assumption that conflicts between Jedi and Sith must be resolved in throne room brawls seems to perpetuate a cycle of violence that only leads back to this same place time and again.   This, Rey is certain, is part of what Ben means when he says he wants to let the past die. 

 

“I don’t want to kill him,” Rey repeats again with more conviction.   If history is any lesson, killing Ben won’t solve anything in the long run.

 

“That’s up to you.  You must do what you feel is right, of course,” Leia Organa advises. “You must be true to yourself.”

 

It’s conversations like these that have Rey feeling very torn and confused.  Rey had spent most of the trip back to the Resistance preoccupied with Ben’s kiss.  Rey closes her eyes now just to relive that glorious, utterly reckless moment.  She has been kissed before exactly twice.  Both times by a drunk guy looking for female company at the Niima Outpost.  She had easily fended off each man with her staff.  Neither time was a pleasant experience she cared to repeat.  Lonely as she was, Rey was not fool enough to mistake the lust of a stranger for true caring.   Those men were only looking to use and abuse her, Rey instinctively knew.  And that has her wondering if that’s Ben Solo’s motive too?   Rey doesn’t think so, but she’s not sure.  She’s not sure of anything where Ben Solo is concerned. 

 

Rey had thought that she could help Ben and so she marched into Snoke’s throne room full of righteous conviction.  She helped him, but not in the way she wanted.  Proving that Ben Solo was not the man she had hoped he was.  He might acknowledge his Light, but he is unwilling—he says unable—to let go of his Darkness.  Because he’s a conflicted Skywalker Chosen One.

 

Then, she thought that she could trust him and so she boarded his shuttle to come to him.   But when she arrived, she was thrown in a cell and he had to help her escape.  Proving that Ben Solo does not yet have the power he needs to make good on his promises of a reformed First Order.  Ben might have the magic Force and the title Supreme Leader, but it’s clear he does not have the unquestioned obedience of iron-willed old Snoke.

 

Where does that leave her?  Confused.  A little chagrined.  And very unenthusiastic about their next Force bond chat.  For what does it mean to like a man who she doesn’t fully trust?  Ben Solo talks a good game, but still . . . can he deliver?  Will he deliver?  Should she even be expecting him to deliver?  Because even his own mother has given up on Ben Solo. 

 

Her strange connection with Ben is just one of many things on her mind of late.  Rey is still processing the news about her parents.  She is struggling to come to grips with what it means to be thrown away.  To be thought of as worthless.  That is what had bothered her most about Ben’s casual execution of that woman in the _Finalizer_ cell.  Ben’s complete indifference to that woman’s life hurt to watch.  Because long ago, Rey’s own parents had been indifferent to the life of their young child.  All life has value, hardscrabble survivor Rey instinctively knows.  All life has meaning.  Whether it is a young girl alone in the desert like herself or a boy conscript to the stormtrooper ranks like Finn.  

 

War makes life cheap, she has realized.  And she is as guilty of that mindset as Ben is, for her hands are bloody now too.   More and more, Rey thinks that maybe Ben is right and it would be best for the First Order to win if only to end the death and suffering.  Rey herself can’t see a way that the Resistance can win and apparently neither does General Leia Organa.   Ben is impatient with the war and ready to move on.  He wants peace.  Yes, it’s peace on his terms, but it’s just one more way in which Rey self-identifies with the goals of the man who is supposed to be her enemy. 

 

Is Ben Solo her enemy?  He keeps asking her to join his cause.  She’s being headhunted by the Dark Side and that’s in a way sort of refreshing.  Flattering even.  After all, Luke Skywalker had been very reluctant to train her as a Jedi.  Leader Snoke hadn’t even bothered to make an effort to turn her into a Sith.   But Ben Solo is different.  He believes in her the way neither Force Master man ever had. 

 

And now, it feels like that kiss in the _Finalizer_ hangar bay has taken things to a whole new level.  Was that kiss manipulation?  Was it sincere?  Rey wants to think that it was sincere because a big part of her these days is craving being wanted.  It’s why she had thrown herself into Ben’s arms and why on Jakku she had almost given in to Finn’s com call pleas to come home to the Resistance.  This throwaway orphan desperately needs to be wanted by someone for something.  And, hard as it is to admit, Ben Solo brings something extra to the table now when he makes his overtures.  Because his pitch involves more than Leia Organa’s dutybound exhortations about the war and the Jedi.  Ben is offering a different path plus something personally satisfying too. 

 

It’s so unexpected and maybe that’s what makes it so beguiling.  For most of the attention Rey has had from men can be categorized as threatening or outright scorn.  But from not Ben Solo.  He holds her tightly in his arms when she is lost in a Force vision, providing the physical and emotional comfort she has always lacked.  He kisses her up against his TIE fighter, treating her as a woman and not just like a friendly colleague, a quasi-little sister, or a surrogate daughter.  Something in lowly scavenger Rey of Jakku thrills at the fact that the Dark prince of the First Order—a man who could choose any woman—would be the one defying his own lead general to kiss her. 

 

In the moment, just for a moment, Rey had been tempted to ask Ben if she could stay.

 

That temptation had scared her.  Really scared her.  As she had puzzled over it later in the TIE, Rey decided that brief moment of weakness had been the result of spending too much time alone again back on Jakku.   And so, in an effort to bolster her flailing resolve, Rey had run straight back to the Resistance. To a place where she is welcome and where people welcome her.  It was a practical consideration, too.  She had no credits and no weapon and a stolen First Order TIE fighter.  Where else was she supposed to go?

 

Now, here she is back at the Resistance, debriefed and dismissed to relax and settle in.  Rey had remained awake the whole fourteen-hour flight back to the Resistance hiding place on Sullust.  As a result, she is yawning and tired now.  So she finds an open bunk where she falls into a fitful, restless sleep. 

 

As usual, her dreams are full of Snoke.  Ben’s dead Master is the vivid manifestation of her fears and doubts, Rey knows.  For his persistent phantom presence in her dreams gives voice to her secret anxieties.   _I cannot be betrayed.  I cannot be beaten_.  Again, each night in dreams the gargoyle faced Snoke crows triumphant.  Reminding her that she is no one from nowhere, that she is weak and untrained, that she is an illiterate peasant seeking to rise above her station in life, that as a scavenger she is little better than a slave.  In her dreams, Snoke is his gleefully condescending self, derisively calling her Jedi as he warns that she will give him everything in the end.  It’s true.  Rey had been unable to resist Snoke’s invasion of her mind and she been unable to resist his Force powers.  If he were alive, Rey feels certain that she would be helpless again in his presence.

 

But he’s dead.   Rey reminds herself over and over again that he is dead. 

 

Still, it is concerning because long ago on Jakku Rey had dreams like this—far more pleasant ones—of the remote island that Luke Skywalker had called home.  It worries her that these nightmares of Snoke are more than dreams, they are glimpses of the future.

 

Tonight, Snoke’s leering, ruined face is far too close to hers as he cups her cheek possessively like he had in his throne room.  In tonight’s dream, he is chiding her impatiently.

 

_Shame on you, girl, for letting Kylo Ren steal your kiss.  He's not man enough for you.  The celibate Jedi Order had him far too long.  And when he flipped Sith he lusted for power not for girls.  And so my usurper is virgin still. Will you foolishly let him use your body like you foolishly sought to turn him?  Will you be a whore for him?  Kylo Ren doesn’t want you.  No self-respecting man would bother wanting a skinny scavenger like you._

 

Whatever, her drowsy self thinks.  It was just a kiss.  She’s not going to sleep with Ben Solo.  She’s just going to daydream about it now and then.  Go away, Snoke, Rey thinks as she tosses and turns.  You’re dead.  You’re just a figment of my imagination.  You are not real.

 

_My apprentice can’t kill me.  Other apprentices before him have tried and failed.   Better, more powerful ones._

 

I saw you cut in half.  You lost your hands too.

 

_My body is battered but my spirit is immortal.  In time, I will manifest myself physically again.  And then you and my wayward apprentice will have much for which to atone._

 

That’s impossible.  You’re dead. 

 

_All things are possible in the Force.  I can create life in the Force, sustain life in the Force, and resurrect life in the Force.  I have the power of a God, girl.  I cannot be betrayed.  I cannot be beaten.  I cannot be killed.  Certainly not by Kylo Ren._

 

You’re dead.  I saw it myself.

 

_Ren will die.  But you have a different destiny.  In time, I will come to you and you will give me everything I need for the future._

 

I’m not giving you anything.

 

_We shall see . . .    We shall see . . ._

“Rey!  Rey, wake up!”  It’s a familiar voice and it sounds alarmed.  “Rey, wake up!”

 

“Ben?  Ben?  Is that you?”  Rey wakes confused and disoriented, with her heart racing and her adrenaline pumping.  She blinks and then recoils as she opens her eyes to find the Supreme Leader of the First Order unmasked and peering at her.  “Are you real?” Rey cries out with alarm as she half sits up.  “Are you a dream or is this the Force?”

 

Ben looks concerned as he answers her calmly and slowly.   “This is the Force.  This is the bond.  You were sleeping, Rey.  It looked like you were having a nightmare.”

 

“I was.”  Rey is still blinking fast as she gains her wits about her.  “It was Snoke again.”  Terrifying and creepy Snoke.  Cruel and violent Snoke.  Master of Darkness Snoke. 

 

Ben’s eyes narrow.  He commands, “Tell me.”

 

Rey struggles to put it into words.  “It was the usual thing.  It’s kind of hazy now . . . ”  When Rey wakes from these dreams, she mostly remembers the extreme stress and emotion of the encounters.  The images and words recede and she is left feeling scared.  Very scared.  Plus, Snoke is intrinsically linked to Ben Solo in her mind.  And so, these dreams always remind her of the showdown in the throne room when she failed with Ben.  Or maybe he failed her.  Rey isn’t sure how to think about it.  Had she been naive and misguided, or had he been stubbornly ignoring the overture to the Light?  Either way, it is an unsettling and uncomfortable memory.  For Rey feels both foolish and disappointed.  Altogether it’s an overwhelming jumble of negativity. 

 

“I don’t like this.”  Ben truly does look concerned.  “Rey, I want to see this dream in your memories.   Come to me and show it to me.  Let me read your mind.”

 

What??  “I can’t come to you.  I’ll get arrested again,” she complains.  “And you are not reading my mind,” she informs him sharply.  “That really hurt when you did that.”  And that just brings up another scary, bad memory of being strapped to an interrogation chair while Ben had invaded her mind.  Ben is crazy if he thinks she will ever volunteer for that treatment again.

 

“It only hurts when you resist.”

 

“I knew you were going to say that,” she grumbles.  That’s pretty much Ben’s approach to conquering the galaxy too, she thinks.  He’s probably telling Coruscant and the rest of the Core that it only hurts if they resist.  And now, a thought occurs to her.  “Wait—what are you doing watching me sleep?”

 

“I was trying to control the bond.  To see if I could initiate it.”

 

“And?”

 

“It worked this time but you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you.”

 

“Oh.”  She frowns and suppresses a yawn.  “It didn't work when I tried to initiate it once.”

 

“Did you miss me, Rey?” he smirks.

 

She ignores this comment.  “Actually, I tried a few times and I never got it to work.”

 

“I have a lot more practice messing with peoples’ minds,” he says smugly and she doesn’t doubt that.   Rey recently learned that Kylo had invaded Poe’s mind when he was a captive.  “There are some Force skills that actually take time to learn, you know,” he tells her.  Ben seems to think mind rape is some sort of mark of achievement.  As one of his victims, Rey resents that.

 

“Have you figured out how to turn the bond off yet?”  This is a skill Rey really wants to learn.

 

“No.”

 

She slants him a suspicious glance.  “Would you tell me if you figured out how to turn it off?”

 

“No.”

 

She thought not.  “Well, if you can initiate it, then there must be a way to turn it off,” Rey reasons as she sits up.

 

“Agreed.”  Now it’s his turn to frown. “You’re back at the Resistance,” he observes sourly. 

 

“How did you—“

 

“Your jacket.”

 

“Oh, yeah.”  Rey folds her newly borrowed uniform jacket closer about her.  It has a big Resistance insignia on the shoulder as well as the last name of its prior owner—now dead—on the lapel.  Rey yawns again. The frequent bad dreams have her a bit sleep deprived of late.  Rey can barely keep her eyes open just now.  For thanks to the adrenaline crash in the aftermath of a Snoke dream, she is more tired than ever.

 

“I won’t be here for long.  Your mother is kicking me out after a few days.”

 

“She knows about the bond?”

 

“No.   She’s worried that the First Order show up to kill me and the Light will die with me.   Or worse,” Rey shoots him a look, “that I will fall into your clutches again.”

 

“I liked you in my clutches,” he smirks.

 

Rey says nothing. Her face flames red as she too recalls their kiss.  The less said about that, the better, she decides.  And so, Rey ignores this comment too.

 

“Go back to sleep, Rey.”

 

“No, it’s okay,” she yawns.   “I’m awake now.  I don’t like sleeping lately.  These dreams . . .   Ben, I hate these dreams,” she sighs heavily.  Then she yawns again.

 

“I’m here,” he tells her softly.  “I’ll be here until the bond shuts off.  It’s afternoon here on Coruscant.”

 

“Where are you?” She squints at him and focuses for the first time on his surroundings.  It looks like he’s at a desk of some kind.

 

“I’m on the _Finalizer_ in my office.”

 

“You have an office?”

 

“You don’t think the First Order war machine runs itself, do you?”

 

“No, I guess not.”  She looks again behind him at all the flashing screens.  “I guess I should be relieved that you’re not sitting on a throne cackling and shooting lightning at people.”

 

“Go back to sleep, Rey.  It’s the middle of the night on Sullust where you are.  I’ll wake you if the bond stays open and you have another bad dream.”

 

“Okay,” she says as she settles back down.  She closes her eyes.  But after a moment, she surreptitiously opens one.

 

She’s busted.  “No peeking.”

 

“You’re supposed to be working.”

 

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

 

“You promise to wake me?”

 

“Yes.  Go to sleep.”

 

She nods and dutifully closes her eyes.  Then Rey reaches out her hand hopefully.  He takes the hint.  She feels gloved fingers intertwine with hers.  Yes, that helps.  It’s all in her mind, she knows.  He’s not really here.  But Rey feels less alone now if she dreams of Snoke again.  Like she will have someone standing at her side to face the evil Sith Master with her.

 

Without opening her eyes, Rey grumbles, “If you know I’m on Sullust, then you—“

 

“Tracked your ship.  Did you expect any less of me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Don’t worry.  We won’t move against the Resistance while you’re there.  I’ve still got your lightsaber, Rey.”

 

“And my books.”

 

“I’m focusing on the Core now.  I will deal with the Resistance once I have the Core subdued.  You are safe from my clutches for the time being.”

 

“Good.”

 

He doesn’t respond.  She just feels his hand squeeze hers.  And as Rey drifts back to sleep she could swear she feels his lips brush a light kiss on her forehead.


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo had been young—not more than ten years old—when Snoke had first found him in the Force.  At the onset, young Ben Solo had not even understood that the voice in his head was not himself speaking.  Initially, he mistook it as a sort of conscience that functioned as personal cheerleader and an excuse to vent.  The voice appeared sporadically.  Sometimes daily, but sometimes not for weeks at a time.  But always when he was upset.  _Use your aggressive feelings, boy.  Unleash your emotions.  It’s not good to keep them bottled up._

 

If some people have a guardian angel, poor Ben Solo had been assigned a personal demon.  His very own devil to whisper in his ear and goad him on.  The voice was alternatively encouraging and cutting, often helpful but sometimes cruel.  The voice never shouted like his parents.  It was habitually calm, reasoned, and authoritative.  And always subversive.  _Pay Skywalker no heed, boy.  He is mistaken about a great many things._

 

The voice became a sort of friend, for young Ben Solo was a lonely kid. Shuffled around to too many schools by too many nannies.  As a Senator’s son and the young Prince of Alderaan, he had every advantage credits could buy.  Except, unfortunately, the attention and understanding from those he needed most.  The excuse was always duty.  Duty to the Senate, duty to the people, duty to the Republic.  And so, from a very tender age, Ben Solo learned to associate negative emotions with democracy.  _They don’t want you, son.  But I do.  When the time is right, you will come to me._ _I look forward to completing your training._

 

As he grew older, he had issues with authority. The truth is that most young men are angry in some manner or other.  It’s a phase that is part of maturation.  But Ben Solo’s angry phase started long before puberty and quickly became extreme.  It got him in fights with his peers and in arguments with his teachers.  That just led to an escalating set of punishments that culminated in being sent away for Jedi training.   It was the ultimate consequence for this already lonely, disaffected boy.  And now, becoming a Jedi was more like a jail sentence than a calling in his life. The flip side of all of this rebelliousness was a strong need for guidance.  But dependable male role models were in very short supply in his life.  Luckily, young Ben Solo had the voice in his head.   _Don’t be a pawn of the Jedi Order.  Listen and learn but see through the lies of the Jedi._

 

The voice was there as he began his Jedi training.  Pointing out alternative ways to do things.  When young Ben Solo struggled to find peace in meditation, the voice suggested he focus on his frustrations instead.  His uncle was preoccupied with twelve other students so his pedagogy was stretched thin.  And since Luke Skywalker and his bad attitude nephew had no natural rapport, his uncle tended to look the other way a lot.  So when the remedial student Ben Solo finally mastered a basic skill in the Force, Master Skywalker wasn’t inclined to scrutinize how.  Usually, Master Luke was relieved that it was time to move on.  Once or twice, his uncle had taken Padawan Ben aside to confess how hard he was to teach.  You have enormous raw power in the Force, his uncle had complained, so why can’t you focus on skills other than combat?  You have all that mighty Skywalker blood and yet you are my slowest student.  _He cannot teach you because he fears your power.  In time, you will understand why._

 

Who are you?  Ben Solo had asked the voice time and again.  It was years of playing ‘hard to get’ before the voice would respond.   _I have had many names in many times, my son.  Call me by my favorite nickname.  Call me Master Snoke._  Master?  Are you a Jedi?  _No._   Are you a Sith?  _Let us dispense with labels, shall we?_ How do you know the Force?  _I learned it long ago but I learn it still today.  You must study the great mystery from all its angles.  I’m rather enjoying learning now as a Jedi through you._  The answers were always vague evasions.   Ben Solo stopped asking after a while.   It was pointless.

 

The voice was just a voice until that fateful night when young Ben Solo had awoken with his uncle’s sword lit above his head.  Things had degenerated fast from there.  And now the voice in his head was back.  _Come to me now before they find you.  Before they finally cast you out._   _They might not want you, but I do, my son.  Come to me and I will complete your training.  Come to me and fulfill your destiny._

 

He had still been a teenager at the time.

 

Before he knew it, young Ben Solo had been on his knees pledging himself to his new Master’s training and committing his soul to Darkness for all time.  _Gooood.  Good._   He had a new name, a new sword, a new uniform, and a new cause.  A new role model too in his recently discovered grandfather Darth Vader.   Ben Solo was born anew as Kylo Ren and nothing was ever the same after that.  It was years before Kylo would fully understand how stealthily and effectively he had been turned to the Dark Side.  Corruption, he would learn, was Master Snoke’s favorite pastime.

 

And while no one else might understand it, the murder of his Master on the _Supremacy_ had been a second patricide.  First, Kylo had killed his biological father Han Solo on the Starkiller.  Then, Kylo had killed the father figure Snoke who had mentored him for decades.  While he does not regret that act, it is still a defining moment in his life.  For Snoke was the man who had sheltered the terrified runaway Padawan with blood on his hands and an angry Jedi on his heels.  Snoke was the man who raised him from a boy to a man, giving equal parts carrot and stick as he slowly but surely steaped him in Darkness.  Snoke was the first person to truly believe in him.  Snoke gave Ben Solo the direction, the discipline, and the purpose he craved.  _You will be the son I never had, for he was taken from me.  The Jedi stole my boy_ , Snoke had revealed once.   _And so, as revenge, I have stolen you from the Jedi_.

 

But, ultimately, the time had come for Kylo Ren to outgrow his role as apprentice and to leave his Master behind.  When the moment came to choose Rey or Snoke, to choose the future or the past, to choose leadership or subservience, Kylo Ren had known what to do.  He did not hesitate.  He showed no mercy.  He did what needed to be done.  He does not regret his decision in the least.  But he is still managing the consequences now.  And the biggest consequence is Rey.

 

Kylo has never been much into girls.  Power is his turn on more than sex.  That’s not to say that he doesn’t appreciate the way a woman can fill out a uniform, especially walking behind one.  But he has never acted on that sort of thing.  Kylo Ren has long been content to look but not touch.  But then Rey had shown up and she had been something completely different altogether.  He found her in the woods, a skinny thing dressed in rags with slashing brows and high cheekbones.   She had his father’s second best blaster in her hand and a determined look on her face.  She had even seen the map to Skywalker.  Yes, whoever this girl was, she was special. 

 

Rey’s interrogation had not gone well.  Kylo remembers being rocked on his heels by her resistance and thoroughly intimidated by her unexpected power.  After that, he had a humiliating interview with Snoke to confess his failure as Hux gloated and looked on.  Angry at the untrained scavenger girl who had so unsettled him but intrigued him too, Kylo had returned to find her cell empty.   He had been thwarted yet again.  Yes, this girl was special indeed.  And now, the hunt was on.

 

Then, in the woods Rey had called him a monster.  Name calling is nothing new to him, but for some reason this time it had hurt.  Kylo doesn’t think of himself as a monster.  Yes, he is a Force user and that makes him an aberration of sorts.  A freak of nature.  But so is she.  And yes, he has lofty political goals but monster . . . really?   He had killed Han Solo who was sabotaging the oscillator for the enemy.  That was a defensible act while at war.  So . . . monster?   Really??

 

The moment that had clinched it was when Rey had stolen his grandfather’s lightsaber from him with the Force.  He remembers gaping at her.  Kylo was more than intrigued now, he was impressed.  And angry still, yes.  But he’s an angry guy.  Suddenly, unmistakably, Kylo realized that he had met his match.  In the Force, in the war, maybe even in life.  That magic moment in the woods had felt like destiny.  He was dazzled enough to offer to teach her.  He’s been chasing Rey ever since. 

 

She’s nothing like the girl he thought he would fall for.  Kylo always thought he liked softer women.  Women with lower voices and easy smiles and accommodating personalities.  Women who were the furthest thing from his demanding, high maintenance, and bellicose mother.  Kylo always figured he would end up with a hearth and home sort girl he could dump on Mustafar to raise his kids.  The sort of girl who wouldn’t make too many demands and wouldn’t challenge him.  But, instead, he finds his head turned by a girl who shoots first and shoots often.  She’s skinny and mostly muscle, she smells of engine oil instead of perfume, and she is embarrassingly uneducated at that.  Rey is completely unsuitable in all the conventional ways.  Except . . . she has so much Force.  All that raw power attracts this Dark Side warrior in a way that normal sex appeal never could.  Quite honestly, Rey of Jakku just slays him.  He’d kiss her forever in the hangar bay if he could.

 

But, of course, there are complications.  Nothing is ever easy for him.  He finds a girl he’s crazy about and she’s on the opposite side of his war.  He’s planning the future but she clings to the romance of an Old Republic past that never was.  Of the ideal of a heroic Jedi Order that never lived up to its hype.  Rey thinks she is fighting the good fight and carrying on a tradition grounded in hope and justice.  But it is an illusion.  Ben Solo had seen that from a young age.  And in old age, Luke Skywalker had come to realize it too.  But gullible Rey of Jakku, desperate for belonging, thirsty for knowledge, and under the influence of his mother, has latched on tight and won’t let go.  She’s stubborn like that, he sees. 

 

He’s got girl trouble with Rey, he’s got work trouble with Hux, and he’s got a war that keeps dragging on.  Today, it’s all got him down.  So Kylo goes where he always goes when he feels lost and confused.  To his grandfather’s mask.   He sits down in his meditation room in his quarters to genuflect on the man who started it all.  It’s calming just to be here, he thinks, as Kylo reaches out in the Force.  Will Darth Vader send him wisdom in a vision, he wonders.  Yes, his fearsome Sith grandfather does not disappoint.  In Kylo’s mind’s eye, images and feeling suddenly to take shape as his current surroundings fade away.

 

_The slave woman has a weather beaten face and eyes with squint lines from admiring her world’s twin suns.  Her hard life has aged her well beyond her years.  Still, she is undeniably pretty in an ordinary sort of way.  This is a woman who does not chafe under her lot in life.   She long since let that anger go.  She is happy now for the first time and excited for the future too.  The woman smiles as she strokes her round and swollen belly.  There is no father, she has told everyone.  Of course, they don’t believe her.  But it’s the truth and she can’t explain it.  This baby is the greatest—maybe the only—blessing of her life.  He is the best surprise ever._

_“For unto you, a child is given” said the tender voice to the slave woman in the night.  And thus was conceived the first Skywalker.   The slave boy bought and freed by a Jedi Master and wooed by a Sith.  His choices became others’ destiny.  For that is what it means to be the Chosen One._

_The woman is undeniably beautiful.  Her face needs no adornment but she is meticulously made up.  This is a woman whose life is chronicled in Senate newsfeeds, so she is always camera ready and long accustomed to being on display.  But here at home in private, her habitual bland smile is gone.  She is tearful as over the horizon she watches flames pour out of the temple.  The woman strokes her round and swollen belly as she worries desperately for her missing husband.  Ani, where are you?  Are you okay?  The father’s identity is a secret she cannot explain without consequences.   In truth, these unexpected twin children are a very great complication in her life.  They were a surprise that has taken some getting used to._

_“For unto you a child is given.” The voice in this woman’s dream is the same voice that gives her husband the persistent visions of her death.  This is the next generation of Skywalkers.  They are first kept a secret from the Jedi and then kept a secret from the Sith.  Until the time is right and destiny intervenes. For you may try, but you cannot hide a Chosen One._

_The woman is on edge as she stands in the Rebellion headquarters listening to the chatter of the battle being fought lightyears away.  She herself would be fighting if she could, but her pregnancy has forced her to sit out this final, climactic confrontation on Jakku.  She chafes a bit under this concession to impending motherhood.  For she is determined that her new obligations will not keep her from fulfilling all of her dreams.  As she strokes her round and swollen belly, the woman wonders about the child’s father in the thick of battle.  Come back to me, she whispers.  Han, I need your help. This baby is no surprise—like everything else in her life, this child was planned.  But he will be one more thing to do and she’s already overscheduled as is.  Han, come back to me.  I’m scared and I can’t do this on my own._

_“For unto you a child is given.”  This time, the words go unsaid.  The voice never bothers with an annunciation to this strong-willed mother.  Instead, it waits to creep into the mind of her impressionable young son. You are a Skywalker, the voice whispers, a son of Darkness, the heir to Lord Vader, born to rule it all.  Come to me and fulfill your destiny.  You are a Chosen One._

_The woman is tired, dead-eyed, and isolated.  She scrapes by scavenging in the desert, but it becomes harder with each passing day. Once the baby comes, she has no idea what she will do.  The woman is taking things day by day again, just like she used to.  For now, she strokes her round and swollen belly as she waits in a long line to trade scrap.  There is a man who claims to be the child’s father, but the woman rejects his claim.  You are a child of the Force, the woman tells her unborn baby.  Made from the magic that binds the universe together. For despite all that has happened, this baby is still wanted.  Now she will make another set of marks on the wall.  A family is all this wretched orphan has ever longed for.  Her dream finally came true even if it turned out to be a surprise nightmare in the end._

_“For unto you a child is given.”  The voice is known to this mother and she screams out in protest as she hears the words.  She has met the voice in the flesh and unwittingly impressed him with her fire and spunk.  That’s how she finds herself in this predicament.  Powerful Darkness met powerful Light, and now a new Chosen One will be born._

“NO!”  Kylo’s mind retreats from the vision and for a moment all he can do is breathe, so incensed and terrified is he.  “NO!  NO!”  He refuses to let this premonition come true.  “Thank you . . . thank you, Grandfather,” he pants out his gratitude to the silent mask.  For now, he understands Rey’s dreams.  He understands Snoke’s final words in the throne room.  He understands everything.  But is he already too late??

 

Kylo grabs for his mask and careens into the hallway, hollering into his comlink for an underling to ready his ship.  Then, he mentally gropes for Rey in the Force.  He’s been able to initiate their bond twice before but he’s having trouble now.  He’s unbalanced and unfocused, as his Master would say.  Completely off kilter.  “Rey, I am coming for you now . . . Rey, I’m coming . . .”  He unconsciously says the words aloud and in the Force, so rattled is he.

 

When Kylo reaches the hangar bay, his command shuttle is still being prepped.  And rather than cooling his heels feeling powerless, Kylo lights his sword and starts to destroy the nearest TIE.  Again and again, he pounds the fighter with his sword, hacking through steel and wiring until it is a molten, smoking mess.  Kylo keeps going and going until his overwhelming anger feels more manageable.  Until it feels like he can concentrate again.   Kylo is panting with the effort, and that physical release is helpful too.  Satisfied at last, he deactivates his sword and steps back to survey the damage.  A very wary lackey now approaches to salute and inform him that his shuttle is ready to go. 

 

As he boards his ship and dismisses the offer of a pilot, Kylo tries again to reach Rey in the Force.   “Rey, I am coming for you.”  The message never reaches her.  But it reaches someone else.  It’s the voice in his head from his childhood.  The voice he knows as Snoke.

_Still a child in a mask, I see_.  _Breaking your toys in anger_.  _Foolish boy.  Did you think I would let a second apprentice rule the Sith Empire I rebuilt?  You’re no Darth Sidious, Kylo Ren._

 

“Fuck!” Kylo hollers aloud his frustration as he punches the ship’s controls and the shuttle lifts off.  Echoing through his mind now is the sound of his dead Master’s derisive laugh.

 

 _I cannot be betrayed.  I cannot be beaten_.  _I saw your mind.  I saw your every intent.  Congratulations, my Apprentice.  You have completed your training at last_.

 

This can’t be happening.  And yet, it’s still happening.  “You're dead!” Kylo accuses.  “You’re dead!”  He says it a second time hopefully.

 

 _Not dead.  Not yet.  Not ever_.  _Haven’t you figured out who I am?  No one is every really gone.  Least of all me._

 

“You’re dead!”  This is just a manifestation of Snoke’s spirit.  Something like a Dark Side Force ghost, Kylo thinks.  He’s grasping at straws.

 

_Not dead.  Not ever.  Long live the Skywalkers, Kylo Ren._


	12. Chapter 12

Some things in life you see coming.  Maybe they unfold slowly over years or months or days, but the overall trajectory is clear and when it finally happens it’s not a surprise.  Other times, life changes in an instant.  It’s unpredictable and there’s no way to prepare.  And sometimes, life changes suddenly but in hindsight all the signs were there.  If you had only connected the dots, you would have seen the logical end result.  But when it comes to pass, you feel blindsided anyway.  And then, afterwards, you feel like a fool. 

 

That’s pretty much how Rey’s morning goes.

 

The Resistance hides in a warehouse complex in a rundown portion of a small industrial city.  It’s quiet here and so the high whine of approaching ion engines gets everyone’s attention.  This isn’t a normal base so there is no shielding, there is no radar, there are no sentry ships to patrol.  Normally, there would be advance warning of the approach of the enemy long before this.  There would be defenses to mount, too.  But not here.  Not now.  There are just thirty-odd people who rush out altogether for a look with their sidearms drawn.

 

Everyone gasps at what they see, including Rey.

 

Poe is the first one to start shooting. His single action blaster fires bolts that glance off Kylo Ren’s command shuttle harmlessly.  Others follow suit until a frustrated Finn hollers that they are wasting their charge.  Wait until you have a target you can actually hit, the former stormtrooper says.  That armor is too strong for blasters.

 

Some of the defenders take cover but most stand their ground.  Everyone cranes their necks and squints into the morning sky now looking for reinforcements.  Where are the TIEs??  All are expecting more ships but it’s just the one shuttle.  And then, when the ramp lowers, it’s just the one man.

 

Chewbacca takes aim with his bowcaster for what might have been a killing blow.  But the enemy Sith easily freezes it in the Force.  That is Poe Dameron’s cue to holler, “Fire!”  Others resume shooting now too but the ensuing hail of gunfire also hangs harmlessly in the air courtesy of the Force.  With an exasperated look from the Sith and a flick of his gloved left hand, the suspended shots all rotate ninety degrees.  Then they release to slam harmlessly into the adjacent building.

 

And now, no one knows what to do. 

 

Poe Dameron isn’t ready to give up yet.  He raises his blaster again to fire on the unarmed man.  Leia Organa waves him off.  “Hold your fire.”  The matriarch of the Resistance and, secretly of the First Order too, turns to her troops.  “Hold your fire!” she orders in a tone of command that is very reminiscent of Ben Solo.  Or maybe, Rey thinks, she has that backwards and Ben got it from his mother. 

 

The remaining Resistance fighters all obey their leader, the venerable old Leia Organa who walks forward slowly leaning heavily on her cane.  She is in her elegant dress and cape still, for she like everyone else escaped Crait with just her life.  But somehow in the ensuing weeks the Resistance general has managed to locate some lipstick and she is never seen without her trademark elaborately coiffed hair.  Leia Organa is majestic in her later years, but every inch the princess she once was.  And now, she stands her ground like a general too.

 

Poe Dameron makes to dart in front of her, but she waves him off.  “No, Poe.  I will handle this myself,” she says in her steely voice of command.  Only mildly deterred, Poe instead stands sentry at her shoulder.  He hovers protectively as the petite older woman steps forward and stands tall.

 

Rey hangs back with the rest of the group.  She’s uncertain what is happening, but she is certain that her dealings with Ben are about to be exposed.  What has brought this on?   What will happen next?  She does not know.   She, like everyone else, holds her breath.

 

The Supreme Leader of the First Order stands unmasked but wearing the rest of his uniform.  His cape billows in the midmorning breeze, giving him an especially menacing look.  He has never looked more the Dark prince.  Ben has a lightsaber in his gloved hands, Rey sees.  But it’s not his.  It’s hers.

 

“Hello, mother.”  Ben now drops a bombshell for everyone other than Rey, Chewie and Finn.  For all of the senior Resistance leadership old enough to remember Leia Organa in her younger days are all dead.  The resulting ripple of reaction through the crowd is unmistakable.   No doubt it’s just the game-changing reveal that Ben wants to mix the situation up.  To turn the tables and put Leia Organa on the defensive instead of him.

 

“Ben.”  General Organa nods gravely without a hint of warmth or a smile.  “Are you alone?” she asks.  “Or is the air strike on its way?”

 

“I’m alone.  I’m not here for you.”  He looks around with undisguised contempt.  “I’m not here for any of you.  I’m only here for Rey.”

 

“Rey is one of us,” the General retorts.

 

“That’s what you think.”   Ben’s eyes now find her in the crowd.  There is no sense in hiding, so Rey steps forward from behind the few people in front of her.  She walks up to stand next to Leia Organa and Poe Dameron.

 

“Ben . . .” They lock eyes.  His angular, harsh featured face is so distinctive.  So handsome in an ugly sort of way.   When he takes off the scary mask, he has a very expressive face.  Right now, it looks very worried.  “Ben, what are you doing here??” she asks.

 

“Ben??”  Poe Dameron turns questioning eyes to her.  “You call him Ben??”

 

Ben answers by lobbing her lightsaber right at her chest.  “Here.  You forgot this last time.  Now, come.”   He holds his gloved hand out to her.  “This is important, Rey.  You need to come with me now.”

 

He’s done this before.  Ben’s prior offers to join him flit through her mind.  Rey swallows hard as she stares at his outstretched hand.  Because this time, even knowing all that she knows, Rey also she knows she wants to accept.

 

“She’s not going anywhere with you!”  It’s Finn who now steps up protectively to her side.  “Get out of here, Ren!”

 

Ben ignores this outburst.  He keeps his eyes focused solely on her.  “We have bigger problems than the First Order and the Resistance, Rey.  Search your feelings.  Remember your dreams.  You know it to be true.”

 

“Snoke . . .” she breathes aloud her sudden insight.

 

“Yes.”  The way he says this in a hoarse, horrified voice makes her heart skip a beat.  And not in a good way.

 

“You’re not taking her again, Ren!” Finn hollers and he raises his blaster to take aim. 

 

Ben’s eyes narrow on the former stormtrooper now.  “You and your cause are beaten!” he hisses as he snatches Finn’s blaster away with the Force and flings it to the ground.  “It is useless to resist, traitor!  But you are not what matters now.”  Ben shifts his attention back to her and again gestures with his hand.  His voice is deadly serious.  “Rey, I came as soon as I realized it.   You need to come with me.  Now.”

 

Rey is miserable to be having this conversation in front of everyone she cares about.  She can feel many pairs of suspicious, questioning, even angry eyes on her.  The peer pressure is intense.  “Ben, I told you I won’t join you—”

 

“Rey, I can’t protect you from here.  Come.”  Again, he gestures with his outstretched hand.   “It is the only way.”

 

She shakes her head.  “Ben, I won’t join you.  You know that.”

 

Her refusal now provokes his barely contained anger.  Ben rasps through gritted teeth, “That’s what he’s counting on--that we will not unite!  That your commitment to your revolution will keep us apart.  Don’t make it easy for him, Rey,” he warns.   His dark eyes are snapping at her.  “I need your help for this.  I can’t do this on my own.  You know that.  I already tried.”

 

Rey takes a half step forward now almost involuntarily.  She instantly feels Leia Organa’s quelling hand on her arm.

 

“Stay where you are,” General Organa tells her.  “That’s an order, Rey.”

 

“He’s alive, Rey!  I’m not sure how, but he’s alive,” Ben reveals.  No one is really following what he is talking about except for Rey.  “We were deceived by a lie!  Myself as much as you.  We saw what he wanted us to see.  I’m just not sure why . . . or what it means . . . ”  And that hesitation and uncertainty is quite a reveal for the Supreme Leader to make before his assembled sworn enemies.

 

“Who’s alive?” Poe demands.  He and everyone else is lost in this exchange. 

 

“Snoke,” Rey answers plainly.

 

Leia Organa shoots her a suspicious look.  “Snoke is dead.  You told us that yourself, Rey.”

 

“He’s alive!” Ben interrupts impatiently.  “Rey knows it as well as I do.” 

 

Rey nods silently at this.  “I think you’re right—”

 

“Of course, I’m right!”  And now again, Ben’s words and his attention are for her alone.  “Rey, I was his apprentice for years.  I will teach you what you need to know to resist him.  How to fool him.  How to hide things from him.  Rey, you need a teacher.  Now more than ever before.”

 

She nods and takes another step forward.   For if there is one thing she is terrified of, it is Snoke.

 

“Rey, what are you doing?”  This time Finn is the one to catch her arm.  “So his boss is going to claim back the First Order.  Why do you care if those two turn on one another?  That could really help us out.”

 

“Because Snoke has plans for her too,” Ben snarls.  “Big plans she and you won’t like.”

 

Everyone looks back at her now. 

 

But still, Rey hesitates.

 

“Rey--”  Ben’s tone conveys all of his impatience as well as his conviction.  For this man is intense in all things.  “Stop holding on!” he now roars.  Ben’s eyes are boring into hers and his long face is twisted with obvious displeasure.  He is raging now.  “Let go, Rey!  Let go of these people and all that they represent!  Let the past and all its archetypes and false truths die!  It’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.”

 

Leia Organa latches on hard now to her arm.  “Don’t listen to him--“

 

“Do you want to save the galaxy?” Ben demands hotly.   “Do you want to be a hero?   Do you want to save what is left of the Light?  Do you want to live?” he snaps at her.  “Then come!  Come with me now.” 

 

He gestures again with his outstretched gloved hand and it’s all that Rey can see. 

 

“Ben . . . I . . . I . . .” she stammers, looking beseechingly at him.

 

He softens his pitch as he lowers his chin.  “Rey, there is nothing for you here.   I need you.  Come.  Be the Light for me.  This is your destiny.  This is the reason for the bond.  Rey, don’t let me down again.”

 

His words ring true to Rey’s ears.  On his island, Luke Skywalker had faulted her for heeding the call of Darkness and failing to resist.  Luke Skywalker and his old regime Jedi Order had wanted the Light to remain pristine.  Well, Rey of Jakku isn’t like that.  She does what must be done and she does not hesitate.  That’s how she survived on her own in the desert for so long.  Rey shoots first and she gets her hands dirty now and then.  And she will freely admit to it.  She went into the cave on the island and she was the first to outstretch her hand to Ben.  For when Rey had gone looking for answers, she had started with Darkness, not the Light. 

 

She is willing to look for guidance and wisdom where Skywalker was not.  And knowing that Ben is up late reading old Jedi books makes her think that he just might be the iconoclast Sith he claims to be.    It gives her hope that she and Ben might meet somewhere in the middle.  That somehow, someday they might truly find balance in the Force.  More and more, Rey wonders whether the Jedi were wrong to completely reject Darkness and to close themselves off from one half of the Force.  Because, if so, then by its very nature, the Jedi Order was doomed to fail.  The Light can’t win by eliminating Darkness, Rey thinks.  It must embrace the Darkness and find a way to reconcile with it.  Otherwise, the cycle of the Force careening from one extreme to the other will begin again.  And that means neither side can win.

 

She tears her eyes from Ben’s.  Again, she’s fixated by his outstretched hand.  “Please,” he rasps.  “This is the only way.” 

 

He’s right, Rey realizes with sudden insight.  She nods slowly, takes a deep breath, and then accepts.  “Yes.  I agree.”

 

“Rey!” Finn yelps his objection.  Rey shakes both him and Leia Organa off.  “Finn, I know you won’t understand.”  She looks around to see Poe wide eyed and Leia Organa glaring daggers at her.  “But this is important.”  For the sake of the future, she thinks, it is worth taking this chance.

 

Rey walks forward now.  Finn makes one last attempt to intercept her.  Poe is the one to stop him.  “Let her go,” Poe says with a curled lip.  “She’s made her choice.”

 

And now, all around her, Rey feels disapproving, disappointed, and condemning eyes.  She is diminished in the moment, terribly uncertain of what she now does.  So after the first few halting steps forward, Rey quickly picks up speed.  Her steps become a skip and then a run right into Ben’s arms. 

 

“Thank you,” he murmurs into her hair as he clasps her tightly to him.  “You will not regret this,” he whispers into her hair.

 

The intimacy of their body language is not lost on anyone in their audience.  Least of all Leia Organa. 

 

“How long has this been going on?” she demands hotly with scorn in her face.  And that brings Rey back to reality.  She wriggles from Ben’s arms and turns around.  “Well, Rey?”

 

“We don’t owe them explanations,” Ben growls.   

 

But looking at all the hard, accusing faces and guns drawn, Rey feels like she does.  These are her friends who trust her.  “Since . . . since . . .” Since when?  Since when Ben had first made his offer to teach?  “Since the Starkiller,” she decides.

 

“You were his prisoner—” Finn objects.

 

And rather than get into a heated discussion, Rey cuts to the chase.  “We are bonded,” she confesses.

 

“What?” Poe blinks.

 

“Our minds are bonded in the Force.  Snoke did it.  He connected us,” Rey reveals.  It was through no fault of their own.  But she doubts anyone will see it that way.

 

“Snoke bonded you in the Force?” Leia Organa is skeptical and clearly struggling to understand.

 

“Yes.”  Ben looks very smug now.  “You will not take her from me!” he crows, snaking a possessive arm around her.  “Mother, you cannot separate us!  There is nowhere I cannot find her in the Force.”

 

“Oh my Gods . . .”  Rey sees horrified understanding dawn in Ben’s mother’s face.  “Snoke did this?  Of course . . . of course, he did.  He was in your mind for years before we knew it--”

 

“And you didn’t give a damn!” Ben explodes in accusation.  “I was a ten-year-old with a Sith lord in my head!  But you looked the other way too busy with your damned New Republic!  You were the worst mother ever!” he passes judgement.  His face reflects all of his festering, decades old resentment.

 

The General keeps talking now as if she has not heard.  “Snoke made you a predator just like himself.  And now you have preyed on Rey.” Leia Organa’s face for the first time shows compassion.   “Oh, Rey, I’m sorry . . . I’m so sorry . . . I didn’t know . . . ”  She steps forward to ask, “Did Luke know about you two?”

 

“Yes,” Rey answers awkwardly.  “Luke knew.  He caught us together once in the Force.”

 

More realization now dawns in the older woman’s face.  “Ben is why Luke wouldn’t train you.  That was the real reason, wasn't it?”

 

And how does she answer that?  Rey looks down, embarrassed.  “It was part of it.”

 

“Rey, step away from him.  Give me a clear shot,” Poe orders.  “I’ll get you free of this guy—”

 

Ben instantly whips her behind him.  Then he marches forward menacingly.  “You can’t shoot me.  You’ve tried before, pilot.   So bring it on!”

 

“Rey, we need you,” Leia Organa pleas.  She’s not giving up.  “Don’t listen to his lies!  Don’t let him lead you into Darkness.  Stay here with us on the good side.”

 

“Rey, no!” Finn looks miserable, as does Rose who stands looking betrayed at his side.

 

And now, Rey feels tears threatening to fall.  “I’m sorry . . . to all of you.  I can’t be who you want me to be—”

 

“Because of him!” Finn accuses.

 

“Luke Skywalker wouldn’t help me and now he’s gone.  Luke did not have all the answers, brave though he was,” Rey finishes lamely.

 

“And you think Kylo Ren does?” Finn demands. 

 

Rey nods now and speaks heresy to all her trusting friends.  “Yes, Finn, I think he might.  For somethings, at least.”

 

Leia Organa looks stricken.  She is white knuckled as she grips her cane for support.  “Oh, Rey . . .”

 

“We are the future, Mother!” Ben vows.  He’s a grown man and the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  But in the moment, his posture and face are that of a rebellious teen called to account.  “Rey and I are the future of the Force!  We will deal with Snoke, and then you will understand--”

 

“Don’t you dare call me Mother!”  Leia Organa snaps back.  “You are no son of mine!  First you kill your friends and you burn the temple, then you kill your father, then you basically kill your uncle too.  And now, you have confused poor Rey.  That girl was our last hope--”

 

“We are the future!  One day you will admit to that—”

 

“You can burn down the galaxy and murder everyone you can, but Darkness will never bring you happiness.  Evil will never make you right.” Leia Organa’s voice is choked with emotion.  She is flanked now by Finn and Poe supporting her at each arm.  “You are a great disappointment, Ben Solo.  Don’t delude yourself for a moment into thinking that your grandfather would be proud.”

 

“I am more powerful than Darth Vader ever was,” Ben shoots back.

 

“That’s nothing to be proud of,” his mother sniffs.

 

And while Rey can’t see Ben’s glowering face, she pictures it in her mind.  Rey steps forward now to lay hands on Ben’s back and lean in.  “Let’s go.  Ben, let’s go now.”  She wants to end this very personal, very cringeworthy scene that has everyone agape.  “Let the past die, just like you said.  Walk away from her and let’s go now.”

 

Those words sink in, for Ben turns to her and nods his agreement.  Then holding hands, they both race the rest of the way up the ramp.  Seconds later, they lift off.

 

 

 

End Part One

 

More to come when I dream it up.  Thanks for reading.


	13. Chapter 13

He and Rey are sitting in the cockpit of his command shuttle as he finishes giving her the gist of his encounter with Snoke.  “It was his voice.  I heard it in my head as a child and I’ve been his apprentice for years.  It was him alright.”  Just relating the story to Rey has given him chills.  He should have known that a Dark Master who could throw him across the room with lightning would not be taken so easily by surprise.  Kylo looks to Rey and speaks the brutal truth.  “I knew then that I had to find you.  That we were in this together whether you like it or not.”

 

“If Snoke wants his Empire back, then why not give it to him?” she reasons.  “Why not walk away from the First Order?”

 

Kylo makes a face at her naivete.  “Snoke is not going away, Rey.  He will not allow either of us to live if we are not aligned with him.”  Not unless they disappear to some remote location like old Luke Skywalker and cut themselves off from the Force.  And besides, why should he give up the First Order?  Kylo has earned it with sweat and blood in a way Snoke never did. 

 

“Walk away from the First Order!”  Rey is warming to her favorite theme.  “Ben, now is your chance!  Leave it all behind—Snoke, the Darkness, and the First Order.”  Yes, she has that gleam in her eye again.  “Turn the ship around and let’s go back to the Resistance.  Come back to the Light,” she whispers.  “I’ll help you.”

 

It annoys him that even after Crait, Rey still isn’t getting it.   Probably because she can’t accept that he likes what he is and he likes what he does.  Rey is still trying to convert his lost soul.  Yeah, it’s touching in a way.  But it’s getting old.   “There is no Resistance!” he retorts.  “There are just a few people living in a warehouse with guns.  Can’t you see how irrelevant they are?”  Kylo is impatient to have to spell this out for Rey yet again.   “I have to conquer what’s left of the Core and end this destructive conflict before the First Order splits in two with Snoke and Hux opposing me.”

 

She gives him a knowing look now.  It’s the classic condescension of the Light.  “Darkness feeds on itself.  You inevitably turn on one another in the end, don’t you?  You may not call yourself Sith, but that’s how you act.  Killing your Master to take his place--”

 

“I am not Sith!” he snaps back.  Then he clamps down on his rising anger and tries to speak calmly.  He needs this woman as his ally and he wants her for a friend.  This is a tenuous enough alliance as it is.  “The answer is balance, Rey.  Not the Resistance.  Get out of this mindset about flipping sides.  It’s old thinking and it’s not going to work.  You already tried.” 

 

“Yeah,” she sighs and looks away.  “I tried.”

 

He shoots her a sideways glance now and cracks a smirking smile.  “It was a damned good try, though.”

 

She looks over to meet his eyes.  “It was, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yes.  We make a good team.”  Kylo levels with her now.  “Rey, I will never go back there.  I will not go back to her.  I left that part of my life behind many years ago.”

 

Rey knows exactly who he’s talking about.  “Yeah.   You and your mother are brutal to one another.”

 

“It’s always been like that.”

 

“You know, if I had a mother—”

 

“Don’t,” he cuts her off.

 

“Don’t what?”

 

“Don’t preach to me about how you would treat your own family if you had one.  You’ve already done that about Han Solo.”  Kylo shoots Rey a resentful look.  “You didn’t live in my family.  You don’t know what it was like.”

 

“No.  No, I don’t,” she concedes.   “I don’t know what any family is like.”  And now her eyes look suspiciously moist.  “Those people back there on Sullust were the closest thing I had to a family . . . and now they too are gone . . . “

 

Really?  Kylo calls her on this one. “You met them all a couple of weeks ago,” he complains.

 

“Yes.”  Rey looks ashamed now.  “But they cared about me and I let them down.”

 

“Well, then, they are definitely family,” he smirks.  But enough about the Resistance.  “Rey, there’s more about Snoke.”

 

“I don’t suppose it’s good news?” she asks hopefully.

 

“No.”  As usual, he doesn’t sugarcoat things.  “I had a vision before I heard Snoke in my head.  It was all the Skywalker women.  You were in that vision.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes. You.”

 

“But I’m not a Skywalker.”

 

“That’s not the point. The vision was about my family.  About the bloodline of the Chosen One.  Rey, traditionally the Chosen One prophecy was understood to mean a child without a father.”

 

“You mean an orphan like me?”

 

“No. A child conceived without a father.  A child born from the will of the Force. That’s how my grandfather was born supposedly.  He had no father.”

 

“That’s impossible,” Rey scoffs.

 

He glares at her for this blasphemy.  “Nothing is impossible in the Force.  Rey, you were in the vision.  You were pregnant and I think it was with a child of the Force.”

 

That gets her attention.  “Pregnant??  Oh, stars . . . “  She turns white beneath her tan.  “Pregnant??  Are you sure?” 

 

“Yes.  Rey, I don’t know what it means. But I worry it was caused by Snoke.”

 

Her eyes are wide.  “Can he do that sort of thing?”

 

“I honestly don’t know the limits of his powers,” Kylo admits.   “But I worry for you.  Rey, you were alone in the desert.  Pregnant, sad, and desperate.”

 

“Oh, stars,” she breathes out.  “I don’t want that.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

“It was just a vision.  Visions don’t always come true, right?”  She looks to him for reassurance.  “R-Right?”

 

“Luke used to say that the future was always in motion.  You make decisions and you change the future one way or the other.”  Kylo takes a deep breath.  “You and I are going to change the future.  For you and for me.  And that means dealing with Snoke.”

 

She nods.  “Okay, but how?  Is it this balance idea?”

 

“Maybe.  Snoke has always been interested in balance,” Kylo now reveals.  “He wanted me for his apprentice because of my heritage.  Because of my relationship to Darth Vader.  Because like Anakin Skywalker, I am part Dark and part Light.  Snoke knew I was born to be conflicted.”

 

Rey isn’t following.  “I don’t understand—why would Snoke care about balance?” she asks.  “He was on the Dark Side.”

 

“He cared because the Force defaults to balance.  Snoke knew if he pushed too far Dark, then the Force would strike back at him with the Light.”  The Darker you grow, the stronger your pull to the Light.  His dead Master had taught Kylo Ren this from the beginning.  For the Force defaults to balance in the universe and in an individual. That's why so often the strongest Jedi were tempted by the Dark Side and why the fiercest Sith were known to have unexpected, sometimes stunning moments of compassion. 

 

Like when a Sith Apprentice opted to kill his tyrant master in a Death Star throne room to save his prodigal son.  In the end, the boy rejected all his father stood for, but the father gladly died for him all the same.  Because the father was a conflicted Chosen One who veered between impulses to the Dark and to the Light.  Moments like Vader succumbing to sentiment are not character flaws or crises of faith, his late Master had taught him.  They are the consequence of great power.  For as natural and universal as the Force is, Force users themselves are something of an aberration.  Be they Light Jedi or Dark Sith or something other than the traditional religions, Force users disturb the default grey stasis.  They disrupt the status quo of balance, tipping it to one side or the other for their own aims.  The trick is to find out just how far you can tip the balance without reprisal.  And this is an everchanging calculus, for there is a natural ebb and flow to the Force beyond what a single individual can control. 

 

Rey nods, remembering, “Snoke said that.  Darkness rises and Light to meet it.  He said that.  I remember it.”

 

“He knew I was born to be conflicted.  He wanted me to learn to manage it.”   

 

“How do you manage it?”

 

 “Not well.”  Kylo doesn’t want to talk about himself.  “The tension between the Dark and the Light—that’s where we will find balance,” he tells her.

 

“But what does that mean in practice?”

  

“I don’t know.”  And therein lies the rub.  Kylo doesn’t know how to fight Snoke and win.  But he knows he has a better chance if Rey is at his side.  He doesn’t know how to find balance either.  But he knows he has a better chance if Rey is helping him.   He needs Rey’s power and he needs her Light.  And after that kiss in the hangar bay, he wants her in a completely different way now too.

 

Rey is quiet a long moment before she speaks up.  She’s digesting all that she has heard.  Her next question is pragmatic.  “Where are we going?”

 

“Back to my ship.”

 

Rey raises an eyebrow.  “So I can get arrested again?”

 

“No.  You’re going to wear a uniform again and blend in.  There are thousands of officers on my flagship.  We’ll hide you in my quarters and no one will know that you’re there.” He’s got it all figured out.

 

Rey does not look enthusiastic.  “Isn’t there any alternative?” she wonders. 

 

“No. I can’t be away from the battlefront for long.  I don’t trust Hux.  Besides, all of your books are on my ship.  There might be answers in those books.  You can study them for us.”

 

“Alright,” Rey reluctantly agrees.  “But I want better boots this time,” she grumbles.

 

“Done.”

 

“And what if there are no answers in the books?”

 

“Then, we’ll go to Mustafar and start looking in Vader’s holochrons,” he decides.  Mustafar is his Plan B.

 

“Vader’s holo-what?”

 

“Holochrons.”

 

“What’s a holochron?” she asks.

 

“A Jedi teaching hologram.  Actually, you’d like them, Rey.  You just have to watch.  You don’t have to read.”   And, fuck.  As soon as the words come out of his mouth, Kylo grimaces.  Even he knows that came out wrong.

 

Rey shoots him a glare as cold as Starkiller Base and fumes at him.  “I can read!” she snarls.  Then, she jumps up and stalks out of the cockpit into the cabin.

 

“Rey—” he calls after her retreating form.  “Rey, that came out wrong.”

 

Silence is his response.

 

Should he go after her?  Or will that make things worse?  She’s hyper-sensitive about her lack of education, he knows.  Plus, she’s probably still stressed from the confrontation at the Resistance and his news about Snoke and the vision of her pregnant.  So maybe he should just leave her alone.  As Kylo debates what to do, his comlink starts blinking.  It’s Hux, so he takes it.

 

“What is it?” Kylo growls as he transfers the comcall to the shuttle’s screen so he can see his best general’s habitual curled lip and scowl.

 

“Supreme Leader.”  Is it possible that Army Hux looks more smug than usual, Kylo wonders.  This must be good news.  “Supreme Leader, it gives me great pleasure to report that this morning Chandrila has asked for terms.  They are suing for peace.”

 

Yes, this is good news.  Very good news.  Kylo thinks a moment.  “Give them the same deal as the rest,” he decides.  He will not be extra-punitive to Chandrila just because they are a hold-out in the Core.  “They can take it or leave it.  Tell them there will be no negotiation.  Their leadership agrees and they sign, or we continue the bombardment.”

 

“Very well,” Hux nods with a tight smile.  Knowing Hux, he’s hoping Chandrila will balk so he can kill more people.  General Armitage Hux has an Upper Level Coruscant accent like many Imperial Exile progeny, but he has nothing but scorn for the elite worlds of the Core.  Hux is as vindictive as any Sith, Kylo thinks.

 

His second-in-command is looking at him expectantly now.  So Kylo forces himself to say the words, “Well done, General.”

 

And now, his red headed nemesis looks extra smug.

 

They move on to more talk of war.  The First Order now controls all the major Core systems save Coruscant, Plexis, and Corellia.  But with Chandrila capitulating, hopefully these last few remaining Republic strongholds will see the writing on the wall.  Hux predicts mere days before Plexis too surrenders.  But for Corellia and Coruscant, the jury is still out. 

 

“What of the reports of the Resistance regrouping on Sullust?” Hux asks.  The General is paranoid about the Resistance.

 

Kylo dismisses this concern.  “They have no weapons and no manpower.  They are irrelevant.”

 

“For now,” the general points out.  “But Snoke’s assassin is one of them.  Mark my words,” Hux says with more truth than he realizes, “the girl will be back.”

 

The less said about that topic, the better.  Kylo is firm.  “We will continue our focus on the Core.  We will not be distracted when we are this close to ruling it all, General.”  The First Order forces are spread thin enough as it is.  He doesn’t need to pull a division off Coruscant to send it to Sullust just to chase down his mother.

 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

 

Kylo ends the call.  He stalls another five minutes before he goes in search of Rey.  She’s sitting in the back lounge area with her knees drawn up to her chin.   Rey looks really young like that, he thinks.  Less woman and more kid.   She also looks like she has been crying, he sees.  And, fuck, he doesn’t know what to do about that. He doesn’t know how to handle girls.  Kylo Ren pretty much only knows commands.  How to give them and how to obey them.  Crying girls, not so much. 

 

“Are you here to apologize?” she demands.  Rey is aggressive in her misery. 

 

Apologize?  “No.”  He’s not going to apologize for her touchiness.  “I’m here to talk about what happens next.” 

 

It’s a little harsh but Rey looks almost relieved not to belabor the point further.  Still, she’s in a huff.  “Well, there’s no need to make fun of me.  You were the one who came begging for my help, remember?”  Rey shoots him another dirty look.  It’s very Leia Organa of her.

 

Rey is really intense, he’s learning.  One day she nearly takes his head off with a lightsaber and then a few days later she’s back and hellbent on saving his soul.  It’s . . . extreme.  And, honestly, that feels about right.  That’s something he might do and she’s his Light Side match in the Force after all.  Do all Force-users have personalities like this, he wonders.  He only knows his own family, his fellow Jedi students, and Snoke.   And, yeah, they were all a bit reactionary.  Is this what comes from being hyperaware of your surroundings and quick to sense others’ emotions?  That you are intermittently a mess?  That you are primed to be overtaken by zeal?  Sometimes having Force sensitivity feels less like a blessing and more like a curse.

 

Without waiting for an invitation, he sits down beside her.  The Force bond has made their in-personal interactions remarkably casual given their relative positions and strange history together.  But after that torrid embrace in the hangar bay, this relationship is now also tinged with an undeniable spark of chemistry.  This woman keeps him on his toes.  She’s as likely to kill him as kiss him.  And, honestly, that’s pretty hot. 

 

Rey is looking out the window at hyperspace as she wipes at her eyes.  “I need someone to show me my place in all of this,” she sniffs, sounding lost.  “I asked Luke for that, but he refused.  And here I am, with you now.  Luke was the Light but he shooed me away.  And you are the Darkness offering me help.  I’m just . . . confused.”

 

“I know.”

 

She shoots him a resentful glance.  “I never expected any of this.  I didn’t go looking for any of this.”

 

“I know.  No one ever does.”

 

“What does that mean?” she shoots him a sharp look. 

 

It means his uncle was an unsuspecting farm boy who one day was radicalized when his surrogate parents were burnt to a crisp.  The next day, he was blowing up the Death Star and attracting his long-lost father’s notice.  It means his mother learned the night before the Battle of Endor the two-fer big reveal that her father was Darth Vader and she had the Force.  It means an unhappy kid wakes in the middle of the night just before his righteous hero uncle can lop off his head.  That kid who felt crushed by the weight of his family’s legacy was propelled onto a life of significance nonetheless.  Just not in the way that everyone expected.

 

How can he put this into words that Rey will understand?  She didn’t grow up a Skywalker raised on the lore of the Force.  Kylo does his best.  “It means the Force is not fair.  It means destiny puts things beyond your control.  It can sweep you up and carry you along.”

 

“Yeah . . . I see that.”

 

She looks so sad now that it makes him want to hug her.  He wants to gather Rey in his arms again like he had on the ramp and promise that things will be alright.  But Rey doesn’t look very receptive to that currently.  So he holds back.  He will encourage her with words instead.  “You do not yet realize your importance, Rey.  Today is an important step forward.  This is destiny at work.”

 

“How are you so sure?”  Rey is still nervous and second-guessing her decision, he sees. 

 

His answer is, of course, the Force.  This one-time Lightsider and now full-time Dark disciple always trusts in the Force.  “Because I saw it when we touched hands.  I know that you will stand with me.  You stood with me against Snoke’s guards.  You’ll stand with me now against Snoke.  You were right, Rey.  I will not bow before Snoke.  Not any longer.”

 

“So you’re saying we were both right?  That what each of us saw will come true?”

 

“Yes.  Rey, the Force obscures things, sometimes it confuses things, but it never outright lies.  What you saw was real.  What I saw was real too.” 

 

“Do you really think we can do this together?” she asks.

  

Kylo takes a deep breath.  “We can try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I wouldn't write this because I would finish another fic and I would think this one through and this would be a well-plotted, tightly characterized fic without all the usual blueenvelopes ramblings that desperately need editting. And yet, here we are.


	14. Chapter 14

When they arrive at the _Finalizer_ , Ben has an aide meet them to bring a First Order uniform onboard.  The lieutenant marches up the ramp to present himself.  He salutes smartly but his eyes keep finding Rey standing next to the Supreme Leader in a grubby Resistance uniform.  His face betrays all of his surprise and curiosity. 

 

“Lieutenant, this is our field agent in the Resistance,” Ben blithely lies.  “Keep her cover from everyone.  That’s an order.  It took a lot to get her in there.  And,” he shoots a smirking glance Rey’s way, “it took a lot to get her out.”

 

“Yes, of course, Supreme Leader, Sir,” the nervous man salutes again.

 

“Go in the back and put those on,” Ben orders her, gesturing to the uniform.  “And hurry.”  Then he turns back to the lieutenant to start complaining that he didn’t bring Rey a sidearm.  Because if there is one person the Resistance wants to kill other than himself and General Hux, it is this woman, Ben says as he keeps up the charade.

 

Rey frowns as she inspects her new outfit.  “These boots look small.  The last pair you gave me were small.  You promised me boots that fit,” she complains.

 

The lieutenant blinks at this unprecedented familiarity with the Supreme Leader himself.

 

Ben shoots her a cold, quelling look. 

 

“Er . . . they’ll do fine, Supreme Leader, Sir,” Rey hastily amends.

 

“You have been too long with the Resistance,” he snaps back.  “If you are seen onboard looking like that, General Hux will think you are Snoke’s assassin who escaped here a few days ago.  Someone will put a blaster bolt in your head in the hallway.  And then we won’t get use of any of your intel.”

 

“But the assassin--she’s uh . . . back at Resistance now.   We’ll uh . . .  get her, Sir,” Rey improvises awkwardly.  She earnestly keeps going.  “Thank you, Lieutenant.  It will be good to be back in uniform again.”

 

Ben’s approving smirk makes it look like he might burst out laughing at any moment.  But he manages to keep his poker face.  The stiff and scared looking lieutenant is oblivious. 

 

“Get dressed. You’re late for debriefing.  I want to know all about the assassin.”

 

Five minutes later, Rey is dressed and they are tromping through his ship together ostensibly for her debriefing.  They go through maximum security area after maximum security area until Ben once again deposits her in his personal quarters.  He sets her up with Luke Skywalker’s books and a droid to read the texts aloud.  Then, he locks the door with the Force and heads for the bridge.  Leaving Rey alone.

 

The first thing she does is turn the lights on.  She’s a girl from the desert and she’s used to blinding bright light.  Ben keeps his rooms so dimly lit that Rey keeps bumping into things. Twice now she has bumped her shin on the corner of the couch.  And, ouch, that hurts.  In the bright light, Ben’s quarters look very generic.  Like they could belong to any senior officer.  And knowing how out of the ordinary Ben Solo is, Rey isn’t fooled.   So, naturally, she starts snooping around.

 

Rey is struck by the difference between her humble AT-AT and Ben’s slick quarters.  His are neat as a pin, unlike her makeshift ramble of things.  On Jakku, Rey had few possessions of any value, but she still managed to have plenty of repurposed scrap and odds and ends laying about.  But not Ben.  He has very few things but they all seem to be meticulously tucked away.  They also seem valuable. 

 

There is the Vader mask, of course.  Next to it is a table that she doesn’t recall seeing before which looks like it holds ashes.  How had she missed this?  Probably because she was so focused on the mask itself.  Are these Vader’s ashes from Endor?  If so, that’s creepy.  Well, if they are anyone’s ashes, that’s creepy.  Very creepy.  Rey makes a face and exits the meditation room to keep poking about.  She finds an ancient looking ink pot and brush that are clearly antique.  Does Ben paint?  This looks like something an artist might use.  There is even actual paper with the brush set.  Paper like in the old paperbound Jedi books.  Next, Rey finds the lightsaber toolset Ben had used to fix her saber.  It too looks very antique, she realizes, as she runs her hand over the faded inscription on the underside of the case.  She’s not good with words but it looks like the inscription is a name ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ and after that the designation ‘Temple Coruscant.’  That means nothing to Rey so she moves on.  She doesn’t find much else. There are a few datapads laying about, all with cracked screens.  Probably from being thrown against the wall, she thinks.  The datapads are retina password protected, so Rey can’t fire them up to see what Ben has been reading.

 

Next, Rey starts poking around his closet.  It’s black, black, and more black.  Black tunics, black pants, black capes, black coats, black belts, black boots.  There’s even an extra black mask.  His drawers are full of more black.  Black undershirts, black socks, black boxer shorts.  The man clearly knows his taste.   Everywhere she looks, Rey sees the trappings of Kylo Ren.  This is the public posturing of Snoke’s young warlord apprentice.  But where, she wonders, is the evidence of the private man beneath the mask?  Where is Ben Solo in all of his things?

 

The bathroom holds a small array of men’s toiletries and a razor.  There is also a first aid kit stuffed full of bacta patches.  Some of those are black as well and that makes Rey laugh out loud.  Leave it to Kylo Ren to have a black bandage.  She finds a small refrigerator that holds water bottles and nothing else.  No snacks, no alcohol.  All in all, Rey thinks, this is pretty austere living for the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  It strikes her as almost Jedi-like in its lack of comforts and amusements.  Everything is very serious and intentional.  One thing is for sure, Ben Solo is not a fun guy.  And, on some level, that’s a letdown.  Because shouldn’t the Dark Side be more fun?  Isn’t evil supposed to tempt you a little?

 

What else is there?   Rey wanders over to the screen on the wall and turns it on.  What does Ben watch on the holonet?  She starts poking through his history.  He watches the official First Order newsfeed every night.  No surprise there.  And the major Coruscant newsfeed too, it seems.  Probably to see what the enemy thinks.  Rey keeps scrolling down and finds that all his recently watched programs are prosaic nonfiction shows.  It’s mostly biographies and military history.  And, yeah, that fits. 

 

But what does Ben Solo like so much that he wants to keep it on hand for easy watching?  Rey clicks over to his saved recordings.  She hesitates a moment, wondering if she shouldn’t look because she’s about to discover his weird porn fetish.  But it all turns out to be very tame.  Up first is a seven-part dramatic mini-series on Emperor Palpatine that has been watched in its entirety nine times.  There’s also a frequently watched biography on Leia Organa in the queue that makes Rey blink.  Ben probably keeps it just to fuel his rage.  Mixed in with all of this is a noteworthy amount of lighter fare.  Rey starts browsing through and discovers it’s all romantic comedies.  Rey has seen half of these herself sitting in her dusty AT-AT back on Jakku.   They are all boy meets girl stories with eventual happy endings after a few misunderstandings and complications along the way.  And wow . . . who knew that the fearsome Kylo Ren is a romantic at heart?  That’s so . . . normal.  And, it is comforting to learn.  This is way better than that creepy ash table Rey does not want to know more about.

 

After that, there’s not much else to see.  So Rey turns to the droid and gets to work on a Jedi book.

 

Three hours later, the door slides open and Ben is back.  He marches in, catching Rey seated cross legged on the floor looking out the window as she listens to the droid speak aloud the Jedi text.  She’s given up the effort of trying to read the words.  Instead, she’s focusing on what the words mean.  She’s also made herself at home.  Rey long since ditched her boots and the uniform jacket, and she has unwound her hair from its First Order regulation bun.

 

“Learn anything good?” Ben asks as he strips off his helmet and gloves.   She notices him blinking in the bright lights that are clearly not his preference, but he says nothing about it. 

 

“Yes,” she answers as she scoots around to face him and turns off the recording.  “But nothing that will help with Snoke.”

 

“Tell me.” Ben sits down on the couch across from her. 

 

“Well, so far it’s a lot of history about the Jedi Order,” she summarizes.  “You’re right that the Jedi were as much about control as they were knowledge.”

 

He nods.  “The Jedi loved their rules.”  

 

“This book tells the story of a very powerful Jedi Master.  He loved the Force and wanted to explore all of it, even the Dark Side.  He was a good man but as he followed his pursuit of knowledge he lost his way in Darkness.  Eventually, he was cast out by the Jedi.  Supposedly, he was outraged by the decision and that alone was proof of his guilt.  Because any Jedi who thinks there is wisdom in Darkness has lost his way.”

 

“That sounds like typical Jedi dogma:  stay in the Light to protect yourself.  Or you too will be cast out.”  Ben smirks.  His sarcasm is thick.  “That was probably one of the stories they used to scare their little Padawans.  Because once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.”

 

“That’s not far from it, actually,” Rey admits.  “The book says ‘when you look at the Dark Side, the Dark Side looks back.’”

 

Ben rolls his eyes.  “Not usually.  The Dark Side has better things to do,” he drawls.  “But yes,” he waves an impatient hand.  “Beware the bogeyman Sith and all that.”

 

Rey sighs.  “Maybe these books don’t have the answers we need.”

 

“We won’t know that until we’ve read all of them.  But that’s enough for today.”  Ben shifts gears now and gets right to the point.  “I want to see your dreams of Snoke.”

 

“See my dreams?”  Rey pretends not to understand.

 

Ben is forthright as always.  “I want inside your head.  Show me the dreams, Rey.”

 

She climbs to her feet and starts shaking her head no. She remembers being strapped down on the Starkiller as Ben invaded her mind. She has no intention of allowing that again.  Her mind is her own.  All of her body is. 

 

He makes a face at her reluctance. “I can’t promise that it won’t hurt.  But it won’t hurt as bad, if you don’t fight me.”  After an appraising look, he goads her.  “You’re a tough girl.  You can handle it.”

 

That settles it.  Rey puts her hands on her hips. “No.”

 

“Yes.”  He takes her refusal to be a negotiation. “This is important.  I need to see if that is really Snoke speaking to you.”

 

“No.”

 

“This time will be different.”

 

“Why is this necessary?” she anxiously demands.  And even to her own ears, her voice sounds a bit shrill.  “If Snoke is talking to you, then he is alive or alive in the Force or whatever. There’s no need to rip apart my head to prove it.”

 

Ben’s face hardens.  “You said you would help me deal with Snoke. You will not hold out on me like this.”  He shoots her a reproachful look.  “You’re endangering both of us.   Especially yourself.”

 

Actually, everything about Rey’s current situation is dangerous.  She’s a wanted fugitive living amid the enemy and this morning she burnt her bridges at the only safe place for her in the galaxy.  And it’s not like hanging out with the Resistance was very safe anyhow.  Rey is in a very precarious position right now for so many reasons.  Snoke is just one of them.

 

“You’re afraid,” he accuses.  “Don’t be.”

 

Rey doesn’t answer.  She turns away to look out the window instead.  The view is amazing from up here near the bridge.  She sees the full length of the ship as it slowly orbits Coruscant.  

 

As she gives him the silent treatment, Ben moves to stand behind her shoulder.  His voice is less confrontational now.  “Rey, we can stop anytime you want.”

 

“I’m not sure I believe that,” she retorts sharply.

 

“Trust me.  I didn’t bring you here to hurt you.  I brought you here to protect you.”

 

“And because you need my help.”

 

“Then trust me.“

 

“Ben—"

“You trusted me this morning.  Trust me again now,” he urges.   This time he doesn't offer her his hand.  He grabs hers and tugs.   “Come here.”  He half-drags her over to the couch. “Sit beside me.  Just try it.”

 

Rey looks to him warily.  “You will stop anytime I want?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then fine.  I guess.  But stop holding my hand.” 

 

Rey makes to yank her hand back but he resists.  “No.  Touch helps.  A physical connection tends to promote a mental connection.  Let’s make this as easy as possible so it won’t hurt.” 

 

“Okay.”  Without his gloves, Ben’s hands are large, warm and surprisingly soft. 

 

“We’ll start like this.  I usually like to have my hand near the person’s head, so I may move my hands. Don’t let that bother you.”

 

“Okay.”  She takes a deep breath and nods. “Right,” she breathes out.

 

“Close your eyes and reach out,” he instructs.  “Reach out to me in the Force.”

 

She tries. “This isn’t working,” she complains after a moment of concentration.  And then, “Oh!”  Because, yes, it is.

 

“That’s me.”  Even with her eyes closed, Rey can picture the familiar smirk on his face.  She can tell from the tone of his voice that Ben is pleased.  “Feel the edges of my mind.  Sense where your mind ends and mine begins.  Yes . . . that’s it.   That boundary is fluid and porous.  All living things exist in the Force and the Force exists between all living things.  The Force that connects us all is a pathway between us.  It reveals sensations and emotions easily.  And with some practice, it can yield memories and thoughts too.”

 

“Wow this is . . . is . . . ”  Rey doesn’t have words for this.  Her experience on the Starkiller had been so stressful and painful that it is mostly a blur in retrospect.  But now, Ben is going slowly and talking her through it.  It’s much less threatening now.  Wondrous even. 

 

“Luminous beings are we,” he tells her.  Ben sounds so serious, so pious when he speaks of the Force.    “We are bodies, yes, but we are hearts and minds too.   All interdependent to make us.   Do you feel it?” he asks.

 

“Yes.  Yes, I do.”

 

“No.”  He clamps down on her hand.  “Don’t pull back.  Don’t be afraid.  I feel it too.”

 

“This is so strange.”

 

“Come closer,” he urges and she scoots a bit sideways into him.  Ben reaches his hands up to her temples now.  Burying his fingers in her loose hair.  “Yes, that’s better.  I’m going to come into you now.  Don’t resist.  Open to me.  Welcome me in.”

 

“I’ll try.”  She is very, very nervous about this.  

 

Ben slides his consciousness up against hers.  Yes, she recalls how this felt and the pain that followed.  Rey instinctively rebuffs him. 

 

He accepts it and gives her a moment to regain her equilibrium.   “Don’t fight.  I’ll try again.”

 

Again, she rebuffs him.  Rey can’t help it.  She’s too afraid. 

 

“Relax,” he complains.

 

“I can’t,” she gripes.  “This isn’t comfortable.”   She and Ben had started seated side by side on the couch holding hands.  And now, her head is bent towards him and she's half up on her knees precariously balanced.  She is the furthest thing from relaxed. 

 

“Then climb in my lap.”

 

What??  “Uhhhh . . . ”  How does she answer that?

 

“Physical proximity always helps.  We need to make this as easy as possible.”

 

“Oh, alright.”  Gingerly, red faced Rey straddles his lap as he holds her forehead.   And actually, that’s much better. 

 

“Yes, this is helping.” He goes in for more physical sensation and now their foreheads meet and his hands rest lightly on her cheeks.   He nudges against her consciousness and this time, he slips in.

 

“Oh!” Rey gasps out. 

 

“Just breathe.  Breathe and adjust to it.  Relax into the connection.  Is this hurting?”

 

“No. But it’s not exactly comfortable.”

 

“Let me do the work.  It might scare you to relive the nightmare, but I can’t do anything about that.”  And why didn’t he warn her about that in the first place?

 

Ben starts sifting back through her memories.  It’s a little like watching her life on rewind.   But he easily finds last night.   And yes, the nightmare is a lot to relive.  

 

“That’s Snoke alright,” Ben growls. “Doing what he does best.  Messing with people’s heads.”

 

Rey is sweating and trembling beneath his hands.  “B-Ben,” she stammers.  “Ben, stop!”

 

He does.  The memory quickly fades away and Rey collapses against him.  She’s fighting back tears.  Snoke is every bit as terrifying in dreams as he had been in person.   And his ugly veiled threats as a dead man have her very unsettled.

 

“It’s over.  Just breathe and relax.”  The connection is still open but Ben is not digging into her memories.  He’s just drifting in her mind. Darkness and Light intertwined.  It feels good somehow.  Like a comfortable silence between old friends.  Like an unspoken understanding about something important.  This feels like trust, she thinks.  He is connected to the Force and to her.  She is connected to the Force and to him.  He knows what she knows in the moment.  She feels what he feels. 

 

“Did I hurt you?”

 

“No.  You scared me.  That’s all.  This felt nothing like before with you and with Snoke.”

 

“I hated watching him do that to you.”

 

“You couldn’t have stopped him.”

 

“I wanted to.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Rey, I want you to look into me now,” Ben tells her softly.  “Like you did before.  This time you do what I did.  This time you see my memories.”

 

What??  “I don't know . . . “  This is weird enough as it is.

 

“See me,” he rasps.  It’s both a command and a plea.  “I want you to see me, Rey.  Please.”  And so, she does.  This is snooping on a whole new level Rey soon learns.  Ben guides her to his memories and Rey follows his lead.

 

First, Rey sees an introverted boy who is a reluctant student of the Force.  Young Ben Solo is obsessed with the Clone Wars.  Not so much the military battles, but the politics and the intrigue.  He wants to study and become a professor, but that’s not an option.  You have a responsibility to the galaxy and to your family, he is told incessantly.  But all young Ben Solo hears is that what he himself wants doesn’t matter. 

 

It only adds to Ben’s frustration that he is the worst Jedi student of all.   Rey watches as discouraged Ben overhears one of many conversations between Luke Skywalker and his sister.  Take him back, Luke urges Leia Organa, but she refuses time and again.  She wants her son trained as a Jedi.   But he has too much of our father in him, Luke contends.  Face it, Leia.  He is dangerous.   Maybe not now, but someday you’ll see.  And young Ben is perplexed when he overhears.  Because his grandfather is Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi hero of the Clone Wars.  Right?

 

Wrong.  Ben Solo’s grandfather is Anakin Skywalker, known to the galaxy as Lord Darth Vader, the feared Sith enforcer of Emperor Palpatine.  Rey sees firsthand now how betrayed Ben feels when his family’s lies are first exposed in the press.  It rocks his already disgruntled world.  For it turns out to be the Jedi who lie to Ben Solo, and not the Sith.   The young man is so lost.  So confused about the Force, about his family, about everything.  And angry.  Very, very angry . . .   

 

These are Core World problems, Rey assesses with certainty.  The problems of a privileged, rich princeling with expectations and opportunities he didn’t want.  Ben Solo’s issues were nothing like her orphan subsistence on Jakku.   But his problems were real, all the same, she sees.  And they hurt.  There is far too much compassion in Rey to deny that.

 

“I want you to see why, Rey.  I want you to know me,” Ben whispers aloud.  “No one knows me now.”  And so, again he guides her back into the past.

 

The voice of Snoke in young Ben’s head always seems to help.  For here is the understanding father figure who cares.  Here is the sounding board mentor who not only acknowledges his feelings, he urges him to take action.  Here is the Force Master who teaches skills using concrete, understandable language.  Without all those vague Jedi maxims to ‘do or do not’ and to ‘search your feelings.’   Ben Solo doesn’t want to search his feelings.  He just wants to lift that damn rock so everyone will stop laughing at him behind his back.  

 

Young Ben’s misery all comes to a head one night when he wakes to the sound of his uncle’s saber igniting.  He lights his own sword and instinctively summons the Force in self-defense.  And Rey can’t fault him for that.  The resulting explosion of Dark power stuns Luke Skywalker and instantly kills three Jedi students.  Those deaths set off a nihilistic rampage that has been building for years.  This is the release of pent up frustrations and slights, of loneliness and rejection, of insecurity and self-doubt.  Because when Ben Solo is hurt, his knee jerk reaction is to make others hurt too.  He will burn it all down around him if he has to, for all will suffer the way he has suffered.  He’s that desperate for someone to feel his pain.  Ironically, that night at the temple is an expression of powerlessness and a cry for help.   But no one sees it that way.

 

Luke Skywalker is left for dead with the majority of his students.  The rest flee.  The one left standing silhouetted against the burning wreckage is a hysterical teenage boy.   He’s never been more frightened.  Scared for the very real consequences to come.  Scared for the mighty power he had unwittingly unleashed and cannot control.  Scared too for the Dark Side that he had been raised to abhor and to rebuke.  But scared most of all for how cathartic and good it had all felt.

 

“It’s true.  All of it,” Ben confesses hoarsely.   And Rey doesn’t doubt it, for these unfiltered memories are terribly raw.  But she is a Jakku survivor who’s not squeamish, so she gives it all an unflinching look.  Watching the story from Ben’s perspective is something of a revelation.   Han Solo had told her that one boy had turned against Luke Skywalker and destroyed it all.  But now, Rey is not so sure.  Rey had accused Luke of creating Kylo Ren, but she sees now that it was a joint effort by his family and Snoke.  Blaming Ben alone feels strangely like blaming the victim after seeing all of this.  “More,” she urges him softly now.  “Ben show me the rest.”   

 

Next, Rey sees young Ben on the run to Snoke.  He steals a ship and charts a course into the Unknown Regions to coordinates he heard in his mind.  It’s a very risky hyperspace jump but Ben is beyond caring at this point.  If he dies, he dies.  On the way, he watches the holonet breaking news about the massacre at the temple.  This is too big for even Senator Leia Organa to hush up.  There are lots of calls for an investigation to bring the culprit to justice.  Then his mother steps up to the microphone.  She takes a deep breath and recounts that tragically her own son is among the dead.  It is true, from a certain point of view.  For more so than anything, that night made Ben Solo into Kylo Ren.  But it is also an enormous lie told repeatedly for political expediency.   Like the lie about Darth Vader had been.   This final rejection hardens young Ben Solo’s heart.  For now, his own mother considers him dead. 

 

Wily Snoke welcomes the fugitive Padawan like a prodigal son.  He anoints him his new apprentice, gives him a new name, and a new life.  Snoke is a hard taskmaster to be sure, but also scrupulously rational and, on occasion, oddly kind.  Ben’s new Dark Master is a shadowy figure.  He has a past that is an ever-shifting mosaic that doesn’t quite add up.   Snoke has enormous wealth and encyclopedic knowledge of the Force.  He also has a personal army and a deep grudge against the Jedi and the Republic.  But most intriguingly of all, he has the private, behind the scenes, word-of-mouth.   Luke Skywalker hadn’t known one tenth of Snoke’s knowledge about Darth Sidious and his uncle had actually met the Emperor.  And it doesn't stop there.  From Master Yoda to Master Syfo Dias, Snoke knows both the big picture history and all the juicy dirt going back generations of prominent Force-users.  

 

“Thank you.”  Ben suddenly speaks and his voice rattles Rey’s concentration.  She nearly loses the connection.  Rey doesn’t have much experience with this sort of thing.  “I love the feel of you in my mind,” Ben confesses like it’s a forbidden secret.  “Let me show you more.”

 

In between grueling training sessions, Snoke has his new protege crisscrossing the galaxy on a quest to  discover the past.  Snoke wants him to discover his true Skywalker heritage.  And it is more than just Jedi, it is Sith.  On an emerald moon, Ben digs and digs until he uncovers what little remains of his grandfather's armor.  He is disappointed that he can't find a sword.  Ben has dreamed of wielding his grandfather’s sword.  Next, Ben makes a pilgrimage to Tatooine where Snoke insists he find his great-grandmother’s grave.  It is long since buried in sand but he finds it nonetheless.  He lays a bouquet of flowers at it per Snoke’s particular request.  Then, the first day young Ben Solo casts Force lightning, Snoke presents the best possible reward.  He hands his apprentice the coordinates and keys to a castle on Mustafar.  This is your birthright, the decrepit Dark Master tells him solemnly.  One day, you will be everything your grandfather was and more.  

 

“Vader,” Rey breathes aloud.  “He wanted you to be a new Darth Vader.”

 

“A better Vader,” Ben corrects.

 

A better Vader . . . no pressure there.  Rey realizes now that just as the Skywalker clan had their own agenda for Ben, so Snoke also had his.  And so, everywhere Ben Solo had looked for guidance and approval, he found a set of conditions.  Rey has always assumed that if only she had a family, her problems would be solved.  But Ben had a family and they were the source of his problems.  He might have been happy and ordinary were it not for the pressures of his clan.  Sure, maybe Ben Solo should have risen above the challenges of his upbringing and soldiered through it all.  Most people don’t channel the grudges of childhood into galactic domination and mass murder, after all.  But Rey herself knows that old hurts—especially young hurts—die hard.  They stay with you long after you have the adult perspective to rationalize it.  For better and for worse, they shape who you are.  Because inside each of us, there is a persistent, vocal part that will always be a child. 

 

And now Rey sees mature Ben’s inner conflict.  His nagging self-doubt as he grapples time and again with the call to the Light.  It manifests itself most often in destructive tantrums but in random violence too.  For when Ben feels weakest to the Light, he uses Darkness to reassert himself.   He careens between Dark excesses and forays into the Light.  All the while, feeling torn apart.  When it is worst, he goes to his grandfather’s mask.  He needs the encouragement of his long dead idol in the Force.  Ben Solo doesn’t doubt what he wants, but there are times when he doubts that he can achieve it all and hold onto it.   And that gnaws at him because Ben has to succeed or all the collateral damage he has caused will be in vain.  And then, Ben Solo will have contributed to the galaxy’s disorder and not been the solution to the mess.  Then, his grandfather watching over him in the Force will be ashamed.

 

With Snoke ostensibly dead, Ben feels beset with crushing responsibilities and besieged by everyone.  He knows that he can rise to the occasion.  He knows that he has been well trained by Snoke.  But he also knows that as Supreme Leader he will be especially alone.   He’s thirty years old and about to rule the galaxy.  But many days, that feels like way too much, far too soon.  

 

“Oh, Ben . . . ” And as her words slip out, their mental connection breaks.  Rey has exhausted her beginner’s endurance on this sort of thing.  She slumps forward, breathing heavy.  She can do no more. 

 

“Oh, Ben, I’m sorry,” Rey breathes into his ear as impulsively she throws her arms around his neck.  Rey can count on one hand the number of hugs she has received in her life, so she recognizes a person who needs comforting.   Ben’s hands stroke her back now and Rey sags into him.  After being in Ben's mind, it feels very natural to be in his arms.  He might be a monster.  No, he is a monster.  But now Ben is a monster Rey better understands.  Now he is a monster who someday she might forgive.

 

They stay like that a long moment in an embrace.  Then with a gentle sigh, Rey pulls back.   She intends to drop an impromptu peck on his cheek.  But Ben turns his head and her lips unexpectedly land on his.  It’s a chaste little kiss. Nothing like the torrid, yearning moment in the hangar bay.  But that is on both their minds now.

 

“Rey,” he whispers as their eyes lock.  They are inches apart.  “Kiss me again.  Please.”

 

She does.  And this kiss too is tender.  This feels so easy.  Like she could stay forever perched in this man’s lap sheltered in his embrace.  Rey has had so little physical affection in her life that she is greedy for it and making up for lost time fast.   But as she lingers at his lips to prolong the kiss, it builds.  Her arms wrap around his neck once again.  His hands snake up under her shirt to rest on her skin.   And now, this is a real kiss like before.  Hungry, wanting, and needy all at the same time.  Only they are in private now and there are no prying eyes. 

 

Oh stars!   This is glorious, Rey thinks, as she drowns in his beguiling mouth.  Who knew Kylo Ren would have such soft lips?   And who knew his tongue could do these things?  He’s a man known throughout the galaxy for his aggression and cruelty, but he could not be more slow and gentle with her.  And now, his arms at her waist start creeping up.  Rey arches against him instinctively.  It’s an unspoken invitation for more.

 

Until it isn't.  For as soon as Rey feels his hands at her breasts, she freezes.  She isn’t wearing a bra.  She doesn't need a bra.  So as Ben’s thumbs find her hard nipples she gasps.  It’s half wanton pleasure, half unwelcome surprise. 

 

It instantly brings Rey back to reality.

 

“Oh!” she cries out as she scrambles off his lap.  She’s spooked and backtracking across the room fast.  “Oh!”

 

Ben blinks at her silently.  A lock of hair has fallen over one eye but the other is looking very intense.  He’s panting from their passion still, the same as she. 

 

“Oh . . . “ Words escape her yet again.  Rey doesn’t know what to say in this situation.  Romance is brand new to her.  And what is she thinking romancing Kylo Ren?

 

Ben leaps to his feet and now he’s following her across the room.  He looks determined as he begins to advance. 

 

Skittish Rey raises her palms up to forestall him.  Her voice is a low warning threat.  “Ben—“

 

He ignores it. “We’re not done yet.”

 

She definitely doesn’t like what those words portend. 

 

“Ben—“   Rey gives a hasty look back.  She’s barely a meter from the wall.  She darts to the left but he’s too fast.  And now, Rey is caught and she’s up against the wall.  Pinned in Ben’s embrace as he renews the kiss.  This time his mouth and hands are insistent.   This time his body grinds hard into her hips.  This is no longer a sweet and daring shared moment together.  This isn’t a make out session.  This is a prelude to more . . . much more that Rey is not ready for yet. 

 

Suddenly, Rey feels very threatened.  She starts to struggle.  “N-No . . .  No, Ben, stop . . . stop now . . . ”  When he doesn’t immediately back off, she automatically summons the Force.  Rey throws him clear across the room with a hard push that lands him half sprawled on the couch.

 

“I said stop!” she shouts.

 

Ben eyes her hostilely as he picks himself up.  His expression has Rey reaching for her sword.  She’s Rey from Jakku and she always shoots first.  Offense is the best defense, she learned long ago.  It’s kept her alive ever since.  The saber finds her palm with the help of the Force and instantly ignites.  Her sword’s distinctive snap-hiss makes Ben flinch but he doesn’t reach for his. 

 

She’s relieved about that.

 

But she’s mad too.  “We can’t do this.  I won’t do this!” she shouts some more as she plants her feet.  Because if Rey has to, she’ll fight.  It’s not like there is anywhere here to run.  “I said I would help you fight Snoke, that’s all!” she hollers.

 

He says nothing.  He just watches her stand angrily brandishing her weapon as she vents.

 

“I’m not your girlfriend!  I’m not going to sleep with you!  We are allies and nothing more!” 

 

“Turn it off,” he commands quietly. 

 

Rey hesitates and keeps the saber burning.  She’s no fool. 

 

“I said turn it off!” he suddenly roars.  She realizes now that Ben looks very offended.  Very, very offended.  He shoots her a frigid look.  “You don’t need to pull a sword on me!” he snaps.  “I’ll stop.”

 

She turns the sword off and takes a deep breath.  This time, she makes an effort to speak in a normal tone.  She doesn’t want to seem hysterical as she tells him like it is.  “I didn’t join you and I am not yours, Ben Solo.  This is an alliance for our mutual survival and to balance the Force.  Nothing more.”

 

He looks her over silently and nods.  It’s a very knowing look.  And now Rey is uncomfortably aware that this morning she had run headlong into his arms, she’s wearing a First Order uniform, she’s in his personal quarters, and moments ago she had been very enthusiastic for his kiss. 

 

“Yeah,” he says somewhat ambiguously. “Right.”   And did he just agree or not? 

 

Rey stands there uncertain while Ben jumps up to stalk across the room.  He picks up a datapad to start punching at it.  Then, he glares over at her.  “I’m hungry,” he announces in a complete non-sequitur.  “Do you want something to eat?” 

 

Good, she thinks.  He’s moved on.  He’s changed topics and so should she.  Rey relaxes her posture and throws down her sword.  She nods.  “Sure,” she tells him as casually as she can.   As if nothing out of the ordinary has occurred.  “Whatever.  Let’s eat.”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“I don’t care.  You decide.”

 

“Rey, I don’t know what you like—”

 

“I told you.  You decide.”

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Kylo offers to let Rey sleep on the bed because it’s a large bed with plenty of room for two.  He assures her that he won’t bother her.  She refuses.  And, under the circumstances, he’s not surprised.  Rey sleeps on the couch in the living room instead.  He finds her there the first morning wrapped in one of his capes she must have pilfered from his closet in the middle of the night.  She has it tucked up around her tightly.  She’s a desert girl from Jakku, he realizes, as he watches her snore softly.  And this is space so, of course, she is cold.  Good thing he’s not currently living on Starkiller Base.  Rey would freeze.

 

That morning, he orders two blankets from the housekeeping staff for Rey.  And maybe he should have ordered just one, Kylo thinks in retrospect, because he was sort of charmed to see Rey wrapped in his cape.  She had been the sleeping beauty of the First Order, the slumbering Force princess waiting to be awoken with a kiss as she slept with her lightsaber in her grasp. It hasn’t escaped his notice that Rey keeps her sword within reach at all times.  He tries not to be annoyed by this, but fails. 

 

After the sword incident, Kylo is careful to keep his physical distance from Rey.  He’s disappointed that she wants things to be this platonic and arm’s length, but he got her message loud and clear.  Still, that doesn’t stop him from stewing over what a hypocritical temptress Rey is.  What was she thinking throwing such mixed messages at him?   Is this how all women act?  Kylo is still pissed that Rey had kissed him senseless and then pulled her sword.  Rey trusted him in her mind and that is the ultimate in intimacies as far as he is concerned.  Kylo has been doing Force interrogations for years so he knows just how much the mind can reveal.   So he got carried away after a few kisses.   He was always going to stop.  He wasn’t going to rape her.  What kind of guy does she think he is?   Just thinking about that ugly scene makes him offended all over again. 

 

But, yeah, he’s hot for Rey.  Kylo won’t deny it.   Something about her has gotten deep under his skin.  So can you blame him for trying to get her into bed?  Hell, it was worth a try.  That’s the farthest he’s ever gotten with a woman.  He decides that he’ll just bide his time before he tries again.  The erstwhile Ben Solo is used to rejection, after all.

 

These days, Rey is so close and yet so far.  She’s made it clear that he can look but not touch.  And look he does.  Rey looks good wearing his uniform that he knows she hates.  There’s just something about a girl in shiny boots.  Once he ducked back into his quarters in the late morning and caught Rey lounging about fresh from a shower wearing only a towel.  But, unfortunately, that has never happened again.  Heck, Rey had looked hot in her handcuffs while he marched her into Snoke.   But maybe that had been because she was surrendering herself for him.  Kylo is still so impressed by that bold move.

 

She’s been here five days now.  Each day Rey spends listening to the droid read her the books.  Rey has given up even the pretense of trying to read the words.  That has him a little disappointed.  But whatever.  She’s not here to improve her reading.  She’s here to help him with Snoke. 

 

But as surreally wonderful as it is to have Rey around, it’s also a little uncomfortable to have someone in his space so much.   He’s not used to having a roommate.  He can’t come back after a long and frustrating day, yank off his boots and his tunic, and flop on the couch to chill.  He’s got Rey there to contend with.  That has its own set of stresses.  Kylo worries about whether he talks to Rey too much or not enough.  And should he be offering to let her join him in meditation at night?  Because he never does.  And she eats the same dinner every evening since it’s what he always orders for himself.  But does she even like it?  He can’t tell because Rey picks at her food most nights and then every few days she wolfs it down like she’s half-starved.  Clearly, regular meals are something of a luxury for her.  And, yeah, it’s nice to have Rey around.  He just wishes she weren’t around so much.  Somedays when he walks through the door it’s like these are her quarters and he’s the visitor.  And does she have to use so much of his shampoo?  She’s wasting it. 

 

He sort of wants to tell Rey that and then laugh about it together.  Like how he wants to cuddle with Rey on the couch some night and watch a movie on the holonet.  But they don’t do things like that.  Kylo comes in at the end of the day, orders dinner for both of them, and then they talk about the Force and the Jedi texts.  Then sometimes he meditates alone with the mask or he watches the holonet newsfeeds.  After that, he disappears into his bedroom for the night and Rey does whatever she does for a few hours before she goes to sleep.  And that’s it.

 

Kylo wishes it was more.  But he’s not sure if he’s allowed to ask for that.

 

They have shared kisses and merged minds.  Rey has shot at him and fought him.  He’s arrested and interrogated her.  She once tried to save his soul.  He returned the favor by helping her escape his ship.  But in many ways, he and Rey are complete strangers.  They have the rarest thing in common, the Force.  But that’s about it.  Well, that and having a mutual enemy in Snoke. 

 

Their differences are real.  She’s a scavenger, he’s a prince.  He is Core born and bred, she’s from the Outer Rim.  She is a prodigy of the Light, while he pledged his allegiance to Darkness long ago.  Rey fights with the Resistance, he leads the First Order.  All in all, it’s kind of a mess.  They are enemies pretending to be allies while she secretly crashes on his couch.  If Snoke’s Force bond had created some uncomfortable intimacy, then this arrangement has taken it to a whole new level.  But the Force seems to approve of all this togetherness because not once since Rey moved in has the bond opened up. 

 

They avoid all talk of politics and war, though Rey knows what’s going on.  She watches the newsfeeds with him pretty much nightly.  But she never asks any questions beyond that.  It’s probably for the best.  Mostly, they talk about the Force.  It’s a safe topic.  Well, it’s pretty much their only topic.  But Kylo loves those conversations nonetheless.  More than anything, more than having Rey sleeping on his couch and loudly munching toast opposite him at breakfast, talking to her about the Force helps him feel less alone.   

 

“Tell me more about what Snoke taught about balance,” Rey asks one night.  She’s sitting on the floor while he’s sitting on the couch as they finish watching the nightly newsfeed recap.  He’s noticed that Rey never sits on the couch when he’s there.  Not even the other end of the couch.  It’s a little rejection he’s choosing to ignore.  “Did Snoke want to balance the Force?”

 

“No.  He wanted to use the Dark Side as effectively as he could without provoking the Light.  Snoke taught that you could never truly win against the Light because it was just another facet of the Force.  Light is eternal.  Like Darkness, Light will always exist because the Force will always exist.”

 

“As long as there is life, there is the Force,” Rey quotes the old Jedi maxim.

 

Kylo responds with some rote Jedi teaching of his own:  “Because life creates the Force and makes it grow.” 

 

Rey meets his eyes and smiles.  Rey likes Force talk too.  She might not be educated in the traditional sense, but Rey is very bright and eager to learn.   If she would just agree to let him train her, there’s so much he could share.  But for now, they stick to metaphysical discussions about the Force. 

 

It’s a rambling, wide-ranging, and open-ended conversation that they pick up and put down time and again.  Rey has no Jedi dogma to unlearn and she has only a cursory knowledge of the Force in general.  As a result, Rey doesn’t know that when she asks some things in a particular way, she is speaking Jedi heresy.  Or other times, she’s unintentionally spouting Sith blasphemy.  Rey comes at the Force an untutored prodigy and he comes at the Force having learned the two longest reigning traditions.  Sometimes, he thinks he’s teaching Rey.  And other times, Kylo suspects it might be the other way around.  Either way, these conversations are good even if they aren’t helping with Snoke.   Rey’s questions are a useful way for Kylo to get back to basics and to reevaluate anew what he thinks for himself.

 

“Snoke thought that the Light had its place, but that it was relentless in its resurgence,” Kylo explains.  Like all Dark Masters, Snoke viewed the Light as somewhat radical.  And dangerous.  “He thought that the Light needed to be continually put in its place.”

 

Rey puzzles over this a moment.  “But I thought that the Dark Side was the aggressive side of the Force.”

 

“In general, it is.  But the Light is aggressive in its own way.  The Light Side prizes hope, Rey.  And like the Light, hope springs eternal.  All that hope and zeal are an effective combination.”  It’s why farm boys jump into fighters to blow up the Death Star, Kylo thinks cynically.   “The Light has launched many idealistic crusades over the years.”

 

“There doesn’t seem to be much hope in the galaxy right now,” Rey grumbles.  Every now and then, Rey will make an oblique reference like this to the current conflict.  But generally, he and Rey tend to discuss the war only in the abstract, when they discuss it at all.

 

“Oh, it’s there,” Kylo assures her.  “Hope will always be there whether or not there is a Resistance movement.  Find any prison or slum, and you will find agents of the Light ministering there.  Social workers, teachers, the religious, the do-gooders among us.  They are compelled to try to help, to forgive humanity's worst examples, to save souls and soothe hurts.  It's a fool's errand, for the sins of our galaxy persist.  But they are compelled to do it anyway.  For compassion is the essence of the Light.”  Kylo thinks a moment.  “Not hope.  Hope is a consequence of the Light.”

 

“Tell me more, Ben,” Rey requests.  She’s always asking for this.  “How did the Light and the Dark end up in opposition instead of being in balance in the first place?”  And there Rey goes again, asking fundamental, probing questions that the two Force traditions would each reject out of hand.  Because the Jedi found Darkness to be an anathema and the Sith wanted to stamp out the Light.  Balance is a concept that neither religion worried much about.  “How did the Jedi and the Sith end up enemies?” she wonders aloud.

 

“That riddle is lost to history,” Kylo answers.  But surely sometime, somewhere a schism had occurred.  For the Sith and the Jedi are similar in many ways, he thinks.  “The two religions are best understood as a counterpoint to one another.  The Jedi communed with the Light Side of the Force through calm, patience, and understanding.  Their emphasis was on the universality of the Force as a way to connect with others.  The Jedi were always interested in the common good.  They prided themselves on their empathy and their selflessness.  They valued self-sacrifice and community.   They righteously put the needs others before their own.”  Luke Skywalker martyring himself at Crait was a perfect example of the Jedi tradition, Kylo thinks sourly. 

 

“And the Sith?” Rey asks.

 

“The Sith encouraged passion.  They harnessed the Dark Side using the power from their emotions.  Their emphasis was on how an individual felt and what they wanted.  The Sith were always goal oriented:  they sought to gain power in order to do specific things.  They too were interested in the common good in their own way.  But their means to that end was to focus on the self.  That’s why the Sith prized power and ambition.  They extoled the virtues of the individual becoming his greatest, most fully realized self.” 

 

Kylo shrugs and decides, “The two sides of the Force might balance in the end, but they are not necessarily compatible.  The Light is sanctimonious, Rey.  But usually, it acts defensively and seeks peace.  The Light likes to lead by example to inspire people to change.  Darkness is aggressive.  It can be obsessive and relentless.  Possessive too.  It goes looking for conflict as a means to exploit weakness.  It has no problems with bending people to do its will.”

 

“Is the Dark Side stronger?” Rey asks.

 

“Not if balance is truly achievable,” he supposes.  “The balance has to lie in the tension between the two sides of the Force.  In the end, each side must respect and tolerate the other,” he guesses. 

 

Rey raises her eyebrows and grins.  “So no more revenge of the Sith?”

 

“Yes.  And no more maligning Darkness as pure evil either.”  He shoots her a sideways, questioning look.

 

“I can accept that,” Rey agrees on behalf of the Light. 

 

“So can I,” Kylo decides as the sole remaining Dark priest.

 

“So . . . did we just balance the Force?” Rey giggles.

 

He smirks at her.  “Not even close.” 

 

The last two Sith may have died on the Second Death Star and the last living Jedi might have died on his remote island rock, but the Dark and the Light still remain constant.  And now, they are both adrift without any core understandings and divorced from the religious underpinnings of the past.  What will it mean to be a Force-user in the future, Kylo wonders.  Truthfully, he’s not sure.  Looking across at Rey’s face, he thinks it will be up to them to decide.

 

Kylo wanders off to his room now to go to sleep.  Breakfast the next morning is the same old routine.  Then Kylo heads for the bridge to start his day.  It’s a day like any ordinary day until he wanders back to his quarters in the early afternoon to fetch a new pair of gloves.  He opens his quarters and . . . no Rey.

 

She’s gone.

 

The door to the bathroom is open.  She’s not in there.  Rey is not in the meditation room either.  And not in the closet.  There’s no other place she could be in his quarters.  Kylo focuses a quick moment in the Force.  No, she’s not here. 

 

Where is she?

 

A terrible thought now occurs to him:  Hux found her.  Now, she’s either dead or in the detention center.

 

Spooked, Kylo grabs his comlink and demands to know whether any new detainees have come in today.  No, not yet, he is told.  They are expecting the next prisoner transfer from the Coruscant surface later today.

 

Where is she??

 

And now another terrible thought occurs to him:  Rey has left him.

 

Oh, Gods, what will he do if she has left him??    Would she do that?  Would she really leave without saying goodbye?  Of course, she would do that, he realizes with a heavy heart.  Because Rey knows he would try to stop her.   And it’s not like this isn’t the first time she’s left.  Rey humiliated him and then escaped her cell on the Starkiller.  Later, she rejected his offer and ran from him in Snoke’s throne room.  Has she run again?   Yeah, he’s not the easiest person to get along with and maybe he’s not the best host and yes, she is living here among her enemies, but still . . . has Rey left him?   Because damn, that stings.  He had thought that things were different this time.

 

Kylo immediately calls to the bridge to demand whether there have been any unsanctioned departures from the hangar bay.  The answer is no.  But maybe Rey was a stowaway on a sanctioned ship this time?   There are civilian supply transports of all kinds coming and going all throughout the day.  Rey could have snuck aboard one and already be lightyears away.   She might be halfway back to the Resistance by now, Kylo thinks grimly.

 

Did he drive her away, he wonders.  What did he do wrong?  Rey hadn’t seemed unhappy or complained.  And her personality is not one that tends to hide their emotions.  But where is she?   Kylo concentrates again in the Force, focusing on the essence of Rey. She is familiar in the Force now that they have spent so much time together and he has been in her mind.  Rey . . . Rey . . . where are you?   Kylo stretches out his consciousness, searching.

 

She’s still here.  On the ship. 

 

Kylo breathes a sigh of relief.  His com buzzes now and it’s an assistant reminding him that he has a senior strategy session beginning in five minutes with his generals overseeing the Core campaign.  It’s bad timing, but Kylo knows that he needs to attend.   Duty calls so Supreme Leader Kylo Ren stalks off to a conference room. 

 

The meeting drags on four hours.  Off and on, Kylo keeps concentrating to make certain that he can still sense Rey on the ship.   Yes, she’s here alright.   But instead of feeling relieved, it’s making him anxious.  Very anxious.  After the meeting, Kylo starts stalking the halls of his great ship with three aides trailing in his wake.  He dictates orders as he goes.   If his aides wonder why he’s not doing this from the bridge as usual, no one speaks up.

 

That isn't Rey.   That's not her either.  Everywhere Kylo looks on his crowded ship, he suddenly notices female officers.  They are all low and mid-level ranks, so these women have been beneath his notice before today.  But none of them is Rey.   Too tall, too short.  Blonde hair.  Wrong.  Red hair.  Wrong.  Too old.  Each woman he sees is not Rey for some reason or another.  Because Rey doesn't walk like that.  Rey’s shoulders aren’t that broad.  And because Rey's bony ass is nowhere near as juicy as that woman's backside up ahead.  Where is Rey??   The longer this goes on, the more concerned Kylo gets. 

 

When finally he runs out of orders, Kylo dismisses his aides and stomps back to his cabin.  Maybe Rey has returned from wherever she went, Kylo theorizes.  And sure enough, when the door slides open he finds Rey sitting on the floor with the droid reading Jedi texts. 

 

She looks up, completely oblivious to his distress.  “Oh.  Hi.”

 

Kylo has been afraid for Rey for the past few hours.  So this casual greeting instantly turns his fear into anger.   All thoughts of relief for her safety flee his mind. 

 

“Where were you earlier this afternoon?” he snarls as he whips off his mask.  When she doesn’t immediately answer, he stalks closer to stand over her.  His voice is very quiet and deceptively calm.  His most senior officers know to fear that tone, but Rey does not.  “I came back this afternoon and you were gone.  Where were you?”

 

She shrugs like it’s no big deal.  “Around.”

 

“Around where?”

 

“The ship.”

 

What is this a guessing game now?   “Where on the ship?” Kylo growls.   He’s been distracted and fretting all afternoon over Rey and now she puts him off with breezy, flippant answers.  It is very unsatisfying.  Kylo shoots her a hurt, reproachful look as he admits, “I was worried.” 

 

Rey climbs to her feet now.  “Look, it’s boring in here.  I wanted to take a break.  So I took a walk around the ship.”  She’s looks a little sheepish as she explains, but Rey is far from contrite.

 

“I locked this door with the Force,” he hisses.

 

“Yeah, I noticed that.  I have the Force too, you know.  It took me a bit to figure it out the first time, but I’ve got it down now.”

 

“The first time?  So you’ve done this before?” he accuses.  Rey still doesn’t seem to see the problem, and that just fuels his anger more.  “I locked it for a reason,” Kylo informs her.  “To keep you in and to keep others out.  It was to protect you!   As far as everyone on this ship but me is concerned, you are the enemy.” 

 

“Are you saying I’m a prisoner?”  Rey eyes him defiantly.  “Because you never told me I couldn’t go out.”

 

“I didn’t think I had to state the obvious.  But apparently, I do,” he bites back.  “Are you really that stupid, Rey?   That was reckless of you!” he charges.

 

“I am not stupid,” Rey slowly grinds out. 

 

“You’re acting like it.  Do I need write out a list of rules so you can have the droid read it to you?” he sneers.

 

Her eyes widen and then they narrow.  Oh, yeah, she’s pissed.  Rey nods and then challenges him.  “Go ahead, Ben.   I’ll still do what I want.” 

 

That attitude is not what he wants to hear.  “Don’t think that I will spring you out of detention again if you get picked up,” he warns.   “You’ll probably get shot before you got arrested this time around.” 

 

“Nothing happened.  I’m here.  I’m fine,” Rey reasons.  “You are overreacting, Ben.  This uniform is a good disguise.  Plus, I had a pistol on me and my saber was under my jacket.”

 

“Very smart,” Kylo mocks her.  “So if you got caught, you were planning to whip out your Jedi lightsaber and publicly declare yourself for the Republic??  Good move.  Because then, it would be you against the almost fifty thousand people here on my flagship.  I like those odds, Rey.”  His sarcasm is harsh. 

 

Rey doesn’t respond immediately.  Instead, she glowers at him. Is she chastised enough?  Is his point sinking in?  It doesn’t look like it.  So Kylo keeps going.  He is incensed that she had him so distracted and worried all afternoon so she could have her reckless little jaunt.

 

“That’s very Luke Skywalker of you to plan to take on the whole First Order by yourself.   You’d end up dead just like he did.  Is that what you want?” Kylo demands.

 

Namedropping his uncle provokes Rey into abandoning their unspoken pact to avoid arguing about the war.  She puts her hands on her hips now and glares up at him.  It’s clear he has crossed a line.  “You really missed the point of Crait, didn’t you?  Luke Skywalker won!  He was a true Jedi who defeated you without actually fighting.  He wasn’t even there!  And in that moment, he not only saved the Resistance, he became the legendary hero the galaxy needs!  He gave everyone hope again,” Rey smugly informs him.

 

Kylo’s lip curls.   He doesn’t like being reminded of his very public humiliation at Crait.   “Is that you speaking, Rey, or my mother?  Because that sounds like my mother’s bullshit.  Luke Skywalker is dead!  End of story!  The Resistance is inconsequential and irrelevant.  It’s virtually dead too!  And yet another Jedi suicide doesn’t give anyone hope.  All my uncle did was delay the inevitable.  Prolonging the war only makes the conflict more destructive in the end, Rey.”   He gives her an impatient look.  “Don’t think that if you pull your sword in the hallway you are going to do anything to change the outcome of the war.  All you will do is make it easier for Snoke to come back and harder to balance the Force.”

 

Rey doesn’t have a rejoinder for this logic.  She just looks at him fuming.  “I am not your prisoner, Ben!”

 

“You are my guest,” he fumes back, shooting her a dismissive look with biting parting words.  “So act like one.  This isn’t Jakku.  Get off my floor.”   He hates how she sits on the floor. 

 

And now the atmosphere in his quarters is stifling.  He’s still angry so he marches in to sit with Vader’s mask.  But Kylo is so rattled that he gives up meditation after just ten minutes.  Without anything else to do and with Rey giving him the silent treatment, Kylo jams back on his helmet and stalks out.  Great.  Just great, he thinks.  Now he’s the one wandering aimlessly (but ostensibly purposely) around his ship.  And how did it happen that Rey has effectively kicked him out of his own living quarters?   What Kylo really wants to do is go destroy something in the hangar bay.  But he’s trying to keep those public tantrums to a minimum now that he’s the Supreme Leader.   So he decides to channel his anger into a productive endeavor. 

 

He heads to the detention center to find some prisoners to interrogate.  Maybe to execute.  Anything to take the edge off.  After two hours terrorizing the prisoners, Kylo returns to the bridge for a full report.  He’s been very hands on with the war lately.  That is intentional.  Hux keeps grousing about him needing to act more like the Supreme Leader and less like a frontline general, but Kylo isn’t about to remove himself from the everyday so that Army Hux can plan a coup behind his back.  Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is going to show up everywhere at unexpected times to keep his senior officers on their toes.  The war is almost over anyway.  Plexis is going to capitulate any day.  And that will just leave Coruscant and Corellia to subdue.  Maybe then he will sit on his throne and throw around Hux with the Force like Snoke used to do.

 

Several hours later, Kylo is feeling better.  He’s proud of himself for handling that situation so well.   By the time he wanders back to his quarters, the lights are off and Rey is asleep.  She’s tucked up under her blankets on the couch.  Rey doesn’t wake up when he walks in so Kylo indulges a moment to gaze upon her.  How young she looks.  She’s barely more than a teenager.  That’s awfully young to be at the center of a galactic war.  Just like at age thirty he is awfully young to be running the First Order.   He and Rey are both surrounded by enemies and beset by problems and this alliance between them is very tenuous and very new.  But Kylo can’t shake the feeling that this girl is his best hope for the future.  And so, he is determined to try and make things work with her. 

 

She’s so fierce.  So reactionary with her aggressive self-defense.  And prickly with a sharp tongue when provoked.  But there’s none of that now.  How much of that posturing is a learned response, Kylo wonders, and how much of that is the real girl?  He wants to avoid more confrontations with Rey if he can.  He doesn’t need her pulling her sword.  Rey is a quick draw on that sword.  And, well, he can relate.  But Kylo knows from experience that once someone pulls a weapon, things can quickly get out of hand.  He looks upon Rey another long moment and then he himself heads off for bed. 

 

An hour later, he’s still keyed up over his frustrating day and the scene with Rey.  Kylo Ren is not a man who easily lets things go.  He stews on them and things tend to fester.  It’s not entirely a bad thing, since strong emotion fuels his power and helps him connect to the Force.  But it’s keeping him from sleeping tonight.  Normally, he would go sprawl on the couch to zone out watching the holonet.  But with Rey next door, that’s not an option.  So Kylo picks up a datapad and starts to work.  He’s firing off his tenth message to an underling when he hears Rey’s voice. 

 

Is she talking?  It sounds like she is talking.  Intrigued, Kylo gets out of bed.  He opens the bedroom door and pokes his head out. 

 

Rey is thrashing around in her sleep.   Moaning and crying out unintelligible words. 

 

Kylo frowns and steps out to investigate.  Rey isn’t talking in her sleep.  She’s deep in the throes of a nightmare.  Her movements are jerky and her expression terrified.  Is this Snoke?   This must be Snoke, Kylo decides.  And he’ll be damned if he lets her sleep through this so old Master Snoke can have his way. 

 

“Rey,” Kylo calls her name softly.  Then again.  A little louder this time, “Rey!”  He doesn't want to scare her. 

 

Should he go shake her awake?  If he does, is she going to freak out when she sees him barefoot and shirtless in pajama pants?  Probably not, he decides, since Rey has seen him shirtless before through the bond.  And besides, she looks miserable.  Rey will probably appreciate being awakened.  So Kylo steps into the living room.

 

“Rey.  Rey, wake up.” 

 

Still, she remains lost in the nightmare.  

 

Kylo moves to loom over her now and speaks sharply. “Rey!”  He leans down to jostle her shoulder a little too.  “Rey!”

 

She opens her eyes and then instantly wrenches away from him.  Rolling onto the floor and leaping to her feet.  With her back to the windows, Rey casts her eyes about in the dim light, clearly not recognizing where she is.  In her confused state, she thinks she is still on Jakku.

 

“Which wreck is this?” Rey asks aloud as she skitters back away from him.   Star destroyer crew quarters apparently haven’t changed much in thirty years. “S-Staff.  Where’s my staff?”  She looks around frantically and her eyes narrow on him.  Rey instantly bares her teeth like an animal and hollers in some language he doesn’t recognize.  But her aggressive posture is clear. 

 

What the Hell is she saying?  Kylo has no idea, but he starts talking her down in a calm voice.  “Rey.  You are safe.   I won’t hurt you.”

 

Again, she hollers in that unknown language.  And once more, he responds, “Rey.  You are safe.   I won’t hurt you.”

 

“Ben?”  She blinks as she begins to realize who he is and where she is.  “This is your ship.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“This isn’t Jakku. It’s too cold to be Jakku.”  She pulls her arms up around her now.

 

“This isn’t Jakku.  This the First Order flagship _Finalizer_ orbiting Coruscant.”

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, that’s right,” Rey breathes out. She reaches down to swipe up the fallen blankets she had dislodged when she leapt up.  Out from the folds of fabric falls her lightsaber to clatter to the floor.  Rey bends again to pick it up.  She stands looking at the sword a moment and lets out a ragged sigh. 

 

“Are you okay?” he asks.  He already knows the answer.

 

As he suspects, she lies.  “I’m fine,” comes her clipped response.  “What are you doing here?”

 

“I woke you up. I thought you were dreaming of Snoke.”  He looks her over a moment and then decides, “That wasn’t Snoke, was it?”

 

“No.”  Rey runs a hand through her loose hair and looks away.  “I haven’t dreamt of Snoke since I got here.  That was just an ordinary bad dream.”  She looks embarrassed now to admit, “It was Jakku.”   Then, she spits out a very indelicate Hutt curse that even smuggler Han Solo didn’t use.   Kylo blinks but says nothing.

 

“I hate Jakku,” she rasps.  “It’s nothing but broken old ships and broken p-people . . . ”  And, oh shit.   Those look like tears running down her face.   “I can’t ever get away from it, you know?   I’m orbiting Coruscant and it’s the bright center of the universe but I might as well be on Jakku.  Because even if I’m not on Jakku, Jakku is in me,” she sighs.  Her voice trails off and her expression is bleak.

 

Kylo nods.  He understands perfectly.  “Let the past die.”  This isn’t the first time he’s given her this advice.  “Rey, let it go.” 

 

“I c-can’t,” she stammers.  She looks up at him indignantly.  “You may think killing the past is the solution but I don’t have that option with Jakku.”

 

“If I still had the Starkiller, I would kill Jakku for you,” he cracks a smile.  He’s trying to lighten the mood.

 

“That’s not funny,” Rey snaps back.

 

“I’m not joking,” he responds. 

 

She shoots him a look.  And in the moment, his heart goes out to her.  Because Rey is so damaged.   He sees it now.  Maybe he should have inferred this from the information he saw in his Starkiller interrogation but that whole encounter had rattled him so much that Kylo remembers little of what he learned that day.  He mostly recalls being impressed by Rey’s power.   Maybe a little intimidated too.  For Rey had bested his mind probe, escaped his cell, and kicked his ass all within an hour.  Kylo’s lasting impressions of that day are all about how strong Rey is.  And she is strong.  But tonight, he sees that she is weak too.  Kylo has long known that Rey is weak for her long-lost family and for the loneliness that caused.  Tonight, he has learned that she is also weak for Jakku.  Looking at her face now, Kylo sees this goes far deeper than just being unable to read.

 

This girl full of raw power and staggering potential in the Force is damaged.  She is stunted and hurt in ways that don’t show.  Just like him.  It is a rare flash of insight for Kylo Ren and an even rarer flash of empathy too. 

 

She knows his story.  Now, he very much wants to know hers.  “I want you to tell me about Jakku,” he orders quietly.

 

“There’s nothing to tell.”

 

Oh, there is plenty to tell, he knows.  Ugly things, awful things, things that hurt to remember and are impossible to put into words.  But he wants Rey to freely share it.  This time, he’s not going to pry it out of her head.

 

“Not tonight then.  But I want to know.  You don’t have to tell me.  You can show me if you want.   But I want to know.”

 

She clutches the blankets and the sword to her chest.  “Okay.   Maybe sometime,” Rey puts him off.

 

He accepts the punt and moves towards her.  “Go back to sleep.”

 

She nods but still looks haunted.  “Yeah.  Okay.  You too.” 

 

Kylo can’t help it.  He reaches a hand up to her face and brushes away a lingering tear with his thumb.  “Sweet dreams this time.”   Kylo impulsively drops a kiss on her forehead.  Then he exits fast before she can pull her sword again.    


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, she and Ben are eating breakfast.  It’s a pretty silent affair, as usual.  He’s eating with his nose buried in a datapad doing work.  Rey pushes her food around her plate as she debates whether to broach the awkward topic of their argument.  Ben had stormed off for hours afterwards and Rey isn’t really sure what that means, if anything.   Back on Jakku, arguments were settled one way or the other.  There was never any ambiguity about the outcome.   And maybe she should just ignore it, but Rey feels like she screwed this up.  Kind of like she screwed things up with Luke Skywalker when she pulled her staff and then her sword on him. 

 

So, wanting to make amends, Rey takes a deep breath.  “About yesterday afternoon . . .”

 

He looks up.  “I’m listening.”

 

“I’m uh . . .” Rey bites her lip and then starts anew.  “Well, I’m not used to living with someone.   On Jakku, there was no one to check in with.”  He nods and is she supposed to say more?  Apparently so.  Rey tries again.  “I’m not used to having anyone around to miss me.”  Rey has never had a job that she was required to report to, or an event that she needed to show up at, or a family to come home to.  She comes and goes from her AT-AT as she pleases.  Jakku had that going for it, at least.  It had freedom.  Ben is looking at her quizzically now, so Rey spits it out.  “What I’m trying to say is that I did not mean to alarm you.  I am sorry if I upset you.”

 

And, there.  She said it.  She has apologized. 

 

Ben raises an eyebrow.  “Does that mean you’re going to stay here in the future like I asked?”

 

She lifts her chin. “No.”

 

“So you have a death wish, is that it?”

 

“Look, I was trying to apologize,” Rey grinds out.

 

“Is that what this is?  An apology?  Because it sounds like you aren’t sorry for what you did, you are only sorry you got caught and it worried me.”

 

Yeah, well, that’s about right, Rey surmises.  This conversation isn’t going how she had hoped.  Rey thought it would smooth things over a bit, but now Ben is just renewing the argument. 

 

He seems annoyed by it too.  “Do we have to go over this again?” he complains.

 

“Until you drop it, yes.”

 

“You’re the one who brought it up,” he points out.  

 

And great, Rey thinks.  Now, they are arguing about arguing.  It’s just one more example of how fundamentally incompatible she and Ben Solo are.  Dark and Light is just the beginning of their differences, she thinks.  There’s no way they could have ever ruled the galaxy together.  They’d be too busy bickering with one another.

 

Ben makes a face and puts down his datapad.  “That’s the problem with you Resistance types.  You never know when to give up.”

 

Rey leans forward in her chair to set him straight.  “Or maybe, your problem is that Kylo Ren doesn’t get enough pushback in his life.  You’re so used to giving orders that no one ever stands up to you.  They’re all afraid of you.  Well, not me.”   Rey digs in her heels now.  “My uniform is a good disguise.  Get me some fake ID, will you?  That will make it easier if I get caught.”

 

His response is a glare.

 

She tries explaining now.  “Look, Ben, I wandered star destroyer wrecks on Jakku growing up and I want to see the real thing in action.” 

 

“So you can sabotage the engines?”

 

Rey blinks.  “Why would I sabotage the engines of the ship I’m on?”  She’s not looking to destroy his ship, she wants to admire it.  Ever since she got here, Rey has been dying to wander around and check things out.  “These big capital ships are amazing.”  Her eyes are lit up and her enthusiasm shows.   “I’ve only seen battle damaged wrecks that have been picked over for decades.   I want to see the real thing up and running, not crashed in the desert.  I want to see what’s changed and what’s the same after thirty years.”

 

Ben considers this, then remarks offhand, “I’m told that they actually haven’t changed much through the years.”

 

“Yeah?   Well, I want to see that.  I’ve only seen the hangar bay and the detention center.”  Rey wants to see it all.  “It’s fun just to wander the halls and see a fully functional, fully staffed star destroyer in wartime.  This is what those wrecks must have been like long ago.  It’s like if I squint my eyes I’m back in the Empire days and this is the Imperial Navy and--"

 

“You and your Rebels friends are planning to storm the bridge?” he finishes for her dryly.

 

Rey’s eyes light up.  “Can I see the bridge?  I want to see the bridge.”  She really wants to see the bridge.

 

“No.” 

 

Yeah, that’s what she thought he would say.   “Alright, no bridge,” she concedes in the spirit of compromise.  “But can I get a fake ID?”

 

“No.”

 

“If I had the right materials, I could probably make one up myself,” she thinks aloud.  “I’m really good at faking ship titles and docking tax certificates and bills of lading and that sort of thing.  I used to do it for smugglers all the time.”

 

“So you worked for criminals like Han Solo?”  Ben’s curled lip and contemptuous expression says it all.  He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms as he passes judgement, “Why I am not surprised that you are this shady?”

 

Rey takes instant offense.  “Hey--” She is vehement and defensive all at once. “Have you ever starved, Ben Solo?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, let me explain that when you starve, you lose your scruples really quick.  You may be Mr. Supreme Law and Order or whatever your official title is—”

 

“Supreme Leader.”

 

“Don’t expect me to call you that.”

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.  Shady characters like you don’t usually recognize authority.”

 

She ignores this gibe.  “My point is that life on Jakku didn’t present legitimate business opportunities.”  She shoots him a resentful look.  “I did what I had to do to survive.  Forging official electronic documents was pretty minor among my ethical choices,” she snaps. 

 

Ben doesn’t respond.  He just looks at her a long moment.  Rey starts to squirm under his probing gaze.  “Tell me about Jakku,” he invites in a quiet tone.

 

“What?”  Are they done arguing?  Because she’s not done arguing. 

 

“Tell me about Jakku.”  

 

Ben keeps giving her that serious look that makes her uncomfortable.  It provokes her.  “Don’t you have someplace to be?” she complains.  Because Rey does not want to have this conversation.  Especially given Ben’s attitude towards her smuggler gigs.  She and Ben don’t need any more conflict and if Ben knew half of the things she is paid to do back on Jakku for smugglers and criminals, he likely would be outraged.  And, quite frankly, Rey isn’t in the mood for moral condescension coming from Kylo Ren, Mr. Starkiller himself.  “Don’t you have a war to run?” she prompts him.  “Or some general to go yell at?”

 

“Snoke sat on his throne and ran a war.  I can sit here.  Now, go ahead.  Tell me about Jakku,” he persists.

 

“Some other time,” Rey deflects the request.  She’ll keep her hurts to herself, thank you.  The last thing Rey needs is to be vulnerable again before Ben.  She has cried in front of Ben twice already and Rey is not a girl who cries much.  Rey has to keep reminding herself that she and Ben are enemies, not friends.  That she is already taking a huge leap of faith by just being here when he could turn on her at any moment.  She watched this man kill his own father, after all.   Ben Solo is capable of anything.  She should not be lulled into letting down her guard just because she sort of likes him and they have this weird chemistry together.  Well, it’s more that she feels sorry for him.  She doesn’t really like him.  But whatever.  She’s not talking about Jakku.

 

Rey stands to her feet and starts gathering up the dishes for the serving droid to come collect.  “Are you through?” she asks as she reaches for his plate.

 

“That’s clearly how you want it,” he mutters as he plucks his napkin off his lap and angrily tosses it on the table.  He stands and starts pulling on his gloves as he eyes her.  “You push people away.  You know that about yourself, right?  Part of the reason you’re so lonely is you, Rey.”  Ben calls his weapon and his helmet to his hand with the Force.   He’s halfway to the door when Rey’s voice stops him.

 

“Ben.”

 

He half turns to look at her expectantly.

 

“I am not shady,” she informs him with frosty dignity as she pulls herself up to her full height.   “I know how you feel about Han Solo.  Your father chose smuggling.  Han Solo had choices for what he did in life.  I didn’t, alright?”  Rey takes a deep breath.  She’s blinking fast now.  “I didn’t choose crime for kicks or for an easy credit.  I chose it to survive.  That’s different.”  She looks away now and mutters, “Maybe not everyone sees it that way, but I do . . . “   

 

Ben listens to this speech and then nods.  “Tell me about Jakku tonight.”  This comes out as a request from a concerned friend.  His next statement comes out as an order.  “No wandering the ship.  Stay inside.” 

 

Before she can answer back, he leaves.

 

Rey spends the next hour or two with the droid listening to the Jedi texts.  But this morning she finds herself unable to concentrate and uncharacteristically bored by all the Force talk.  She blames it on her inactivity.  Rey is used to rambling around the desert.  Or, lately, hiking around Luke Skywalker’s rock.  Sitting around all day isn’t her preferred way to spend her time.  And so, after another fruitless hour, Rey defiantly pulls on her boots, winds her hair into a knot at her neck, jams on her hat, and steps out into the _Finalizer_.   

 

It’s mid-morning and the corridors are crowded and buzzing with crew.  There are heavily armed stormtrooper squads in full gear heading for the battlefront.  There are mechanics and techs in grease covered coveralls who look like they are going off shift.  Rey passes officers in hats and smart uniforms like herself.  She walks behind a group of TIE pilots back from patrol.  She stands in the elevator next to medics wearing scrubs.   Everywhere, she sees busy people going about their appointed tasks.  Some are happy and animated looking, many appear serious, a few look bored, but no one looks unhappy to be here.  The flagship must house the true believers of the First Order, she assumes.   Either that or the conscripts onboard must be too afraid to show their reluctance. 

 

Rey is supposed to be looking at the ship itself, but she keeps getting distracted by more peoplewatching.  Everyone onboard is human but that’s where the uniformity ends.   Rey sees mostly men, but there are plenty of women too.  The crew are both young and old, and they comprise a wide variety of human ethnicities.  Based on the voices she hears, the crew come from all across the galaxy.  From the crisply accented tones of the Core spoken by Imperial Exiles, to the broad, flat drawl of the Mid Rim, to the singsong slow cadence of the Outer Rim.  Based on this random sampling, the First Order strikes Rey as surprisingly diverse.   It doesn’t look all that different from the Resistance, she realizes, except there are no aliens and everyone is better dressed.  Because if the war were won on outfits alone, the First Order would win hands down for its slick uniforms.

 

In fact, the whole ship looks slick and brand new.   These brightly lit, bustling corridors look nothing like the sand filled dark empty halls of the wrecks she’s been in.  A lot of the interior stylings are similar, Rey sees, except she wasn’t expecting to see all the soft blue and red recessed lighting repeated everywhere.  Rey wonders if the older Imperial versions had this too but she just can’t tell on Jakku.   Because it strikes her as strangely glam in this military setting. 

 

Could this be Snoke’s taste, she wonders.  Because Rey had not expected to find the Dark Master in a throne room festooned with red curtains wearing what looked like the Canto Bight version of Jedi robes.   Rey had marched in anticipating some ascetic dark robe but instead she found gold glitter.   It was so unexpected.  But then, everything about that confrontation had defied Rey’s expectations.  Snoke acted like a Sith but he didn’t look like one or admit to being one according to Ben.   And that seems odd given all the slavish devotion by the First Order to the trappings and heroes of the old Empire, including the crafty Sith Emperor Palpatine.   Was that homage just Snoke pandering to the Imperial Exiles and others nostalgic for the good old days to get them to sign up for the cause?  Or had there been more to it?  And will Ben change any of that now that he is in charge?  Ben says he wants to leave the past behind but everywhere Rey looks she sees nods to yesteryear.  The future of the galaxy looks disconcertingly like its recent past.  So, what is really being accomplished here? 

 

Rey is pondering this thought as she rounds a corner and looks up to see Kylo Ren himself sweeping down the hall coming towards her.

 

Uh oh.  She’s busted.

 

Well, maybe not.  Like everyone else, Rey quickly skitters to the side of the hallway to snap to attention.  She dives as close to the wall as possible, hoping that the two men who step in front of her will keep her from being noticed.  Does Ben even see her?  If he does, surely Ben won’t make a scene here but will opt to berate her in private later.  Right??

 

No such luck.  The Supreme Leader of the First Order comes to a quick halt and then moves to stand before the quaking men in front of her.    

 

“Lieutenant,” Ben rumbles from beneath that ugly mask she hates.  “Lieutenant!” he barks again impatiently.

 

And, wait—is he talking to her?

 

“Yes, you there.  The skinny woman from Intel.  I read your report.  I have questions.”

 

Oh, right.  She’s supposed to be a spy who spent time at the Resistance.   Rey feels many eyes on her now, so she hastens to play along.  “Er . . .   Yes, Sir . . .  Supreme Leader, Sir. . . “  And Rey can almost see Ben Solo’s smirk from behind his mask.

 

“Walk with us,” he commands.  “I’ll get to you.”  Then he turns back to the man at his side and resumes their conversation as he and the rest of his eight-man retinue start marching away.  At the end of the group a friendly looking middle-aged officer waves Rey into the group.  And now she too is part of the parade of underlings who trail in Kylo Ren’s wake.

 

“You’re in luck,” the friendly guy tells Rey under his breath.  “He’s in a good mood today.  There is finally positive news from the surface.  The big spaceport is completely under our control as of oh-nine-hundred.”

 

Rey has no idea what this means.  But it seems like congratulations are in order, so she chimes in, “Oh. Great news.”

 

“Yep.  It’s going to make it very hard to run the blockade.  We can starve those snooty bastards into submission now if we like because they won’t be getting any relief supplies down to the surface.  And after today, they won’t get any more refugee flights off world either.”

 

Starve?  The First Order might starve Coruscant?  “That’s . . . that’s great news,” Rey dutifully, if weakly, responds.  She’s is absolutely opposed to starving anyone intentionally.  Let alone, entire populations as a tactic of war.

 

If he detects a lack of enthusiasm, the man doesn’t remark on it.  “Yeah, we’ve got’em.  It’s just a matter of time now.”  He glances over at Rey and seems to size her up.  “So . . . you’re in Intel.  You ever reported to him before?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then take my advice.  Just spit it out.  Get to the point.  And don’t bother sucking up.  He’s no Hux.”

 

“Okay.” 

 

“How long have you been in Intel?  Do you report to Hays or to Lodestar?”

 

Rey ignores the last question.  “Uh . . . not long.  I’m new.”

 

“Yeah?   Did you get shuffled around after the Base blew?”  The man scowls as he says this.  “Fucking Resistance.  I had friends on the Starkiller.”

 

“Yeah.  Me too,” Rey commiserates with an irony that is lost on the man.  “My friend died there too,” she says, thinking of Han Solo.  Rey is anxious to change the topic, so she asks, “Does he always walk this fast?”  They are half running through the _Finalizer_. 

 

“He’s faster when he’s pissed.  It’s a workout to keep up with him then.  Today is just average.” 

 

“Oh.”

 

“We’re almost at the bridge.   You’ll get a breather soon, Lieutenant.”

 

“We’re heading for the bridge?”

 

The man nods.  “That’s where the Leader likes to hang out.  Supposedly, he has an office somewhere, but he rarely uses it.”

 

“I’ve never been to the bridge,” Rey says softly.  But apparently, her excitement must show.  

 

“It’s quite a view.  Here we are.  Hang back with the rest of us and wait until he gets to you.”

 

Rey follows instructions and stands with about six other officers as Ben stalks to the prow of his great ship and starts conducting interviews.  Or maybe they are soft interrogations.   Because the men who step forward for grilling by the Supreme Leader all look resigned and half terrified the way Rey remembers feeling herself on Starkiller Base.  She tries to ignore it because she herself has no idea what will happen when it’s her turn to report.

 

As Rey cools her heels for her reckoning with Ben, she focuses on the bridge.  This is the nerve center of a battleship that houses fifty thousand men and hangs above a war zone.   Star destroyers are like floating cities in space with their own army of soldiers and fleet of fighters onboard.  There have been versions of these ships dating back to the Old Republic days, so the _Finalizer_ is the latest and greatest in a long line of distinguished crafts.  Rey is enough of a self-taught engineer to marvel at the sheer ambition of these great capital ships.   

 

Her eyes sweep the bridge, taking it all in.  Rey is a techie at heart so she loves all the details she notices.   She spies the distinctive triangular shaped windows.  Rey had been hoping for those.  Still no handrails on the catwalk above the crew pits, she sees.  The design is larger, more amplified, but the basic layout is the same.  Looking around, Rey can’t help but think that everything old is new again.  And like in the hallway earlier, Rey is struck by what it means to see a star destroyer bridge fully staffed with crew members sporting headsets and conferring with one another as they bend over workstations.  There are easily thirty people working here alone. 

 

“Intel, huh?”  It’s the chatty guy again intruding on her thoughts.  “Have you seen him do an interrogation?” 

 

“Yes.”  Rey has experienced that firsthand actually.

 

“Does he really read people’s minds?”

 

“Yes,” she answers, adding, “Leader Snoke could do it too,” to bolster her credibility.

 

“That Force is some weird shit,” the man says as he shakes his head.  “Oh, look.  You’re up.  Good luck.”

 

Gingerly, Rey walks the thirty paces or more down the center aisle of the bridge.  The _Finalizer_ is crawling slowly in a low orbit around Coruscant.  As the ship creeps out of the dark side of the planetary rotation, the bridge is suddenly lit by the glow of the galaxy's famed capital world.  It is an abrupt blaze of light and silhouetted against it stands Kylo Ren.  He is caped and masked with his back to her, a tall, dark figure looking down upon the bright center of the known universe.  Rey pauses a moment, struck by how this is Ben Solo but it might just as soon be his Sith warlord grandfather Darth Vader.   Because it’s not just his ship that harkens back to the past, it’s Ben Solo too, Rey realizes. 

 

As she stands there, all Rey can think is that Kylo Ren looks like power.  Military power, political power, Force power.  The image this man projects is very impressive. 

 

But this alter ego is only half the real man.  For under that helmet and mantle, Rey knows a man dogged by self-doubts who staggers under the weight of his family legacy.  A man who struggles with all his new responsibilities.  He never wanted any of this under his mother’s New Republic.  He rejected it and ran from it.   But here he is, ironically tasked with doing even more now than he ever would have done as one Jedi among many in a democracy.  Now, the galaxy’s future is Ben’s to design and all of the decisions are his.  Now, Ben will define what it means to practice the Force going forward, hopefully with input from her.  If he pulls it off, Ben will not just eclipse his mentor Snoke, but he will be more than Darth Vader ever was, more even than Darth Sidious was.  But one-upping the Dark Side heroes won’t be enough, Rey instinctively knows.  Ben will need to one-up the Light Side too if he wants to avoid the cycle of revolution that has plagued the galaxy for generations since the Old Republic fell. 

 

And that’s where she was supposed to fit in, Rey knows.  For Ben’s offer in Snoke’s throne room had been very sincere.  Was she wrong to turn him down?  For the first time, Rey wonders . . .   Because if the Light Side influence doesn’t come from her, then from where? 

 

Part of that answer is probably in the Jedi texts she and Ben discuss nightly and in the formal training of Ben’s youth.  For somewhere in the core principles of the Light there is wisdom to pass on.  Surely, the Jedi didn’t get it all wrong.  The other part of that answer is possibly in the datafile tucked away in Rey’s pocket that contains Leia Organa’s unpublished memoirs.  Ben’s mother had described it as a record of everything she did right and everything she did wrong.  Given her role as a veteran warrior and statesman of the New Republic, that seems like very valuable insight indeed. 

 

But will that be enough?  Or does the Light need Rey as its advocate to speak truth to the power of Darkness?   She and Ben bicker and grate on one another as much as they get along.  Ironically, the only topic they seem at ease discussing is the Force.  And that makes Rey wonder if she needs to try harder with Ben.  Because maybe if they could get along better, she could be more of an influence on his actions.  She’s been looking for someone to show her where she belongs in all of this conflict.  But maybe the answer was revealed in the throne room, only she had been too shocked and too disappointed to actually consider it.

 

Standing here looking at the back of Kylo Ren silhouetted against the capital of the galaxy that he is about the starve into submission, Rey suddenly thinks it’s time to reconsider.   Because there are millions of voices down there crying out in terror of the First Order and they deserve a champion in the Light.  Leia Organa can’t be that any longer because it’s too late for a military solution to work.  Rey sees that now.  And besides, Ben says he wants the Light and Dark to work together to balance things.   That just leaves Rey to act for the Light.

 

Oh, stars, Rey thinks to herself.  Was she wrong to turn him down? 

 

And what about the Force?  Balancing the Force feels like a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.  But if Ben’s family truly are the Chosen Ones, then somewhere in the collective experience of the Skywalkers must be the solutions she and Ben seek.  Maybe the clues are in Luke Skywalker’s old Jedi books and in his hard eyed, jaundiced look at the proud tradition he followed until the end.  And perhaps in Leia Organa’s musings on her personal and political accomplishments and regrets.  The clues surely are in Darth Vader’s story of Jedi-turned-Sith and maybe too in those holochrons he collected through the years.  And, Rey suspects, the clues are in Ben Solo’s experience too. 

 

Ben who gets a dreamy look in his eye and a hushed, reverent tone to his voice when he speaks of the Force.  Ben Solo may have switched sides long ago, but he’s a Skywalker. And Dark or Light, that makes him a fool for the Force.  And, like his grandfather before him, Ben Solo seems to be the rare Dark Sider who has ever reached a hand across the divide to the Light.  ‘Join me’ Darth Vader had told his son once, and Luke Skywalker had declined.  Young Luke Skywalker had proudly proclaimed that he was a Jedi like his father before him.  Only that Jedi grew disenchanted with his own calling and ultimately had wanted the Jedi to end.   It’s a cautionary tale that makes Rey wonder if Luke had ever regretted his decision long ago.  For had the Light Side Jedi Skywalker with Dark leanings joined with the Dark Side Sith Skywalker who hoarded relics of the Light, what would have happened then? 

 

Rey herself has stood before another Skywalker with an outstretched hand.  And now again, she wonders:  was she wrong to turn Ben down?   Should their alliance be for more than just opposing Snoke?  It’s food for thought.  

 

“Lieutenant, get up there,” someone hisses from behind her, breaking Rey’s spell of reverie.  Rey resumes walking now, realizing she has stalled.  Hopefully all the onlookers will chalk it up to nervousness.  She must be taking too long because Ben has turned towards her with crossed arms to watch her approach.  His body language does not bode well.

 

Is he angry?   Rey can’t tell if he is angry.  It’s one of the reasons she hates that helmet.   Ben’s quirky face is so expressive that she hates for it to be hidden.  In the barter economy of Jakku, Rey has learned to read faces very well.  But she can’t read that mask.

 

“It is customary to salute,” Ben gripes when she presents herself.   But now as he speaks again, Rey can almost sense the grin behind his mask.  “Go on.  Make it look good,” he cajoles softly.  “Everyone is watching but pretending not to watch.  Think of it as keeping your cover.”

Rey now gamely imitates what she saw her predecessors do earlier.

 

“That was weak.  Very weak.”  Ben is laughing at her behind his mask. 

 

“I’m not kissing your ring or whatever other bowing and scraping you like,” she tells him pertly, endeavoring to keep her voice low.

 

“You’ve already warned me not to ask for a kiss,” he rumbles softly and Rey feels her face grow hot.  But Ben moves on.  “I saw you thinking.  What were you thinking?” he wants to know.

 

“That you look good up here,” she responds.   And now, he is definitely smiling behind his mask. 

 

“Come, take a look,” he invites. 

 

And she does.  “Wow.  This is amazing.  It looks so peaceful from up here," she remarks without any intended irony as she gazes down on Coruscant below.

 

“You said you wanted to see the bridge.”   

 

She steps forward now to look out on the full expanse of the _Finalizer_ ’s dagger-shaped hull stretched before them.  “Oh, Ben.  It’s just like I always imagined,” she gushes.  And Rey is not a gushy girl.  “You could climb to the bridge of two old wrecks on Jakku and see for miles.  They were great but they were not as good as this.   This is amazing . . . just amazing . . . ”  Rey knows that she is repeating herself, but truthfully she doesn’t have the vocabulary to describe all that she is experiencing in this moment.  For this feels like a Jakku daydream come true.

 

“Which ships?” he asks. 

 

“The _Inflictor_ and the _Ravager_ ,” she responds as she steps even closer to the window so she can look straight down.

 

“The _Ravager_ was a super star destroyer.” 

 

Rey looks up in surprise that he knows this.  “Yeah.  She was _Executor_ -class from Kuat,” Rey adds.  “But still, she was smaller than this.  Your ship is huge.  Even the bridge is huge.  This bridge is easily twice the size of what I saw in the wrecks.”

 

“Three times,” he corrects her.  And now he steps up beside Rey to look down.  “I want to see an old one, Rey.  Someday, I want to go back to Jakku with you and see one of those wrecks.”

 

“You know, after thirty years spent crashed and rotting in the sun, those wrecks are still largely intact,” she muses.  “These ships are built to last.”

 

“I want to see them, Rey.  Will you take me there?”

 

She reflexively changes the topic from Jakku.  “Lord Vader is probably watching you in the Force right now feeling proud.  First Skywalker to rule the galaxy and all.”

 

“My mother had a term as the New Republic Senate Chancellor,” he gripes.   

 

“That’s not the same thing and you know it.  Ben, you look very Sith up here.”  She means that in the best way. 

 

“I’m not a Sith.”

 

He’s told her this before, but Rey isn’t sure she believes him.  For Ben Solo is committed to Darkness and ambitious for power.  He is ruthless and his ends always justify his means.  He even murdered his Master to steal his throne.   Ben may disavow the past but he’s doing a pretty good job of repeating it, Rey thinks to herself, because he’s definitely winning at being a Sith.  But she doesn’t debate the point.  Instead, she tells him, “Thank you, Ben.”

 

“I’m still angry that you disobeyed me,” he tells her.  Though to Rey’s ears he sounds halfhearted at best.

 

“Were you surprised?”

 

“No.  But I’m still mad.”

 

“And I’m still grateful.  I really wanted to see this.  Thank you for this.” 

 

Ben shifts his weight at her side.  He senses something.  “Here comes Hux.  Walk away at a normal pace with your chin down,” he orders rapidly.  “There’s a secondary exit from the bridge on your right.   Use that route out of here.  Salute first then leave.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Get going.  I’ll see you tonight,” he says under his breath.  Then he barks at her for others to hear, “Dismissed.”    


	17. Chapter 17

Ben is later than usual that night coming back to his quarters.  When he takes off his mask, he looks tired.  Still, he gives that half-smirk, half-smile hello.  He must notice that she dimmed the lights for him the way he likes to keep his quarters.  Does he also notice that she is sitting on the couch and not on the floor?  Ben doesn’t comment either way, but Rey is sure he notices.  Whether or not he will give her credit for it, Rey is trying. 

 

After much thought, she has decided to try to build more rapport with Ben.  Maybe if they become friends, she can reevaluate the rest of their alliance from there.  But for now, they will have a lowkey evening and talk amicably about lighthearted things.   That’s the plan, at least.  Rey will talk about what she saw on his ship today.  And maybe Ben will have some suggestions about where she should go next on the _Finalizer_.  They will take a break from angsty, serious conversations about the Force.  And who knows?  It could be fun.

 

“I have something for you.”   Ben walks over to hand her a card on a chain. 

 

“Oooh,” Rey reacts as she jumps up to move to better light to inspect her new First Order dog tags.  All personnel wear official identification at all times tucked into their uniform.  Now, Rey will too.

 

“Lieutenant Renata Solo,” she reads aloud.  Solo?  Huh??  “Solo?” she looks to him questioningly.

 

Ben shrugs.  “It seemed like as good a name as any and you won’t easily forget it,” he tells her.  He’s enjoying himself as he announces, “Congratulations, Lieutenant.  You are now the Special Assistant to the Supreme Leader for Resistance Intelligence Matters.”

 

“Nice,” she breathes out as she slips the ID over her head.  This is exactly what she has been hoping for.  Rey is delighted to have a hall pass to roam the _Finalizer_. 

 

“Now you’re one of us,” Ben approves. 

 

“Hardly,” she retorts with a toss of her head and a flip of her ponytail. “This is just more of my disguise,” she informs him.  But now, Rey has to ask, “Is Lieutenant Solo important enough to talk her way in to see the hyperdrive?”

 

“You won’t outrank everyone, but namedropping me should give you the run of the ship.  And it will make certain that I am notified if anyone gets suspicious or you get picked up.”

 

“Perfect,” Rey declares with a grin.  “I feel so fancy now.  Special Assistant Renata Solo sounds very fancy.”  Not like a nobody from Jakku.

 

“There is a catch.”

 

She looks up. “What catch?”

 

“This.”   Ben hands her a small metal disc.

 

Her eyes narrow.  “Is this a tracker?”

 

“Yes.  You get the run of the ship but I get to know where you are at all times.  Put it in your pocket.”

 

“Oh.”  Rey isn’t sure how she feels about this. 

 

“Trust but verify,” he tells her.  “That’s the deal.  You get freedom in exchange for accountability.”

 

Rey turns the small device over in her hand.  “Are you still worried I’m going to sabotage the engines?” she asks him with a frown.

 

“If you do, I’ll blast you out the airlock.” 

 

“Okay.  I get it.”  She’s still looking down at the tracker.   Deciding.   Independent Rey of Jakku isn’t used to coming home to anyone, let alone having someone know where she is at all times.   This feels very intrusive.

 

“I’m trusting you,” Ben warns.  “Do not give me cause to regret this.”

 

“I understand.  Okay.”  Rey slips the disk into her pocket and nods at him.  “Thanks for this.  I don’t think I could stay here much longer stuck all day in these quarters.  This will really help.”

 

Again, Ben warns her sternly, “Do not give me cause to regret this, Lieutenant Solo.”

 

Impish Rey now snaps to attention and gives him a cheeky salute.  “Yes, Sir, Mr. Supreme Leader Darth Ben, Sir.”

 

Ben’s response is a snort.  He begins stripping off his gloves.  “Is there no military discipline in the Resistance these days?” he wonders.  “Because you are truly terrible at that, Rey.  One salute and you are going to out yourself as the enemy because no one would ever believe you made it out of First Order basic training.  Hux might arrest you based on that salute alone.”

 

Rey is undeterred.  “What can I say?” she flashes a grin.  “I flunk fascism.” She’ll wear that as a badge of honor, thank you.  Rey watches now as Ben dispenses with his cape.  She kind of likes the cape.  It is ridiculously dramatic and that’s sort of perfectly Ben.  Everything about this man is so intense.  At times that’s downright magnetic, usually it’s overbearing, and sometimes it’s exhausting.  But it’s never boring, that’s for sure.   This man is the very opposite of easygoing.

 

“Hungry?” she asks.

 

“Not really.”

 

“Me neither,” Rey quickly agrees.  Tonight, her goal is to be agreeable.  Things are off to a good start.  “The newsfeeds are about to come on.  Want to watch?” she suggests, gesturing to the couch.  It’s their usual routine. 

 

“Sure.”

 

Ben sinks down on the couch and she sits on the couch too.  It’s the very end of the couch opposite him, but it’s not the floor.  She’s making an effort to make Ben happy and she hopes he sees.

 

The First Order version of today’s events is up first.  As usual, it is all footage of sharply uniformed soldiers efficiently killing people. Tonight’s war dispatches are all glowing reports that the New Republic allied government on Plexis is on the verge of collapse and that the major Coruscant spaceport has been captured.  Victory is near, the glossy maned, white toothed official First Order newscaster lady brays.  There is a lot of jubilant talk by military analysts about the anticipated timetable for surrender by the rest of the Core systems.   The sense of excitement and anticipation comes through loud and clear.

 

The show concludes with a short interview with General Hux himself.  This is a movement that began thirty years ago in the ashes of the Empire, he declares, and very soon all systems will bow down to the First Order.  There will be no one to stop us now, the redheaded general announces in ringing tones.  He is his usual over-enunciating self.  The newscaster lady eats it up.  It’s kind of cringeworthy to watch, Rey thinks to herself.  It ends with Hux smiling tightly as he gives credit to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren for his tireless in-person leadership of the Core campaign.  Where would we be without Kylo Ren to step up after we lost dearly departed Supreme Leader Snoke, the newscaster woman marvels.  Rey can’t help herself.  She rolls her eyes. 

 

Ben takes that moment to glance over Rey’s way.  He catches her doing it and laughs out loud.   “If they only knew . . . “ he smirks. 

 

“Does it bother you to perpetuate this lie?” Rey asks out of curiosity.   And whoops, that might have come out a little too pointed.  And that is counter to her new charm offensive.  So she tries to soften it with a smile. 

 

“Does it bother me to lie?” Ben muses.  “No.  Half of history is lies, Rey.  The trick is to know which half.”

 

“Oh.”  Yikes, is this man cynical.   But Rey takes this opportunity to get him talking some more.  “Well, what about you?   Do you care that history will lie about you too?”

 

He shakes his head and flashes a wry, sly look.  It’s vaguely Han Solo of him.  “History will be kind to me because I intend to write it.  I’ll choose those lies, Rey.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Next up is the Free Coruscant newsfeed, or the enemy’s version of today’s events.  Strangely enough, usually Ben seems to pay far more attention to this point of view than to the First Order iteration.  Tonight’s broadcast features a series of rousing messages from local leaders and Coruscant celebrities encouraging the beleaguered citizenry to keep the faith.  To never give in, to never give in, to never, never give in.  They have stopped showing actual footage of the carnage nightly, Rey notices.  Things have shifted into a bunker mentality that is projecting loud and clear that this is the end.  Everyone knows it but no one wants to say it publicly.  But the whole relentlessly upbeat mood of the program is itself depressing and very telltale. 

 

The newscaster man ends the show playing a message sent across the galaxy from General Leia Organa, the leader of the Resistance who is now in hiding at an undisclosed location.  Ben’s mother appears in a pre-recorded message wearing that same grey dress and cape Rey remembers from Crait.  General Organa spouts some line about hope being like the sun.  Then, she declares that she stands with Coruscant and hopes to bring help soon.  In the meantime, she wishes all those opposing the violence of the First Order ‘May the Force be with you.’  It’s an age-old blessing from the Old Republic days that the newscaster host grimly repeats before he himself signs off.  It disconcertingly sounds like farewell.  Then, the holonet screen goes blank.

 

Silence hangs heavy in the room a long moment. 

 

Rey is searching for a safe topic to lighten the mood when Ben suddenly speaks up.  “She looks better than the last time I saw her,” he remarks of his mother.  “She’s made a career out of these sorts of cheerleading moments.  Long ago Leia Organa perfected the role of Rebel martyr for democracy.”  Ben shakes his head.  And is that sadness or sarcasm Rey detects?  Or maybe a little of both?

 

“I like your mother,” Rey admits, “But she can be a little much sometimes.”

 

“You mean all the time?” Ben catches her eye and smirks.  “Tell me something, Rey.  Did my mother ever know that the credits she and the rest of the Resistance used to flee the Mid Rim came from me?”

 

“No.”  And Rey refuses to feel bad about that.  Well, maybe a little.  “I told her they came from the Kuat CEO guy who tried to fund the Resistance.  Whatever happened to that guy?”

 

“He’s dead.  Firing squad.”

 

“Oh.  Right.”  Rey is not surprised, but she is disappointed.

 

Ben raises an eyebrow at her now.  “I’m surprised that my mother believed your lie.  She’s usually better at detecting lies than that.  Leia Organa has plenty of Force, Rey.  She never trained as a Jedi but she has natural abilities like you.  My uncle taught her a few things now and then, but my mother was never interested in Jedi training.  I was supposed to be the next Jedi in the family, not her.”

 

“Don’t believe what your mother said on that recording,” Rey reveals softly.  “She herself knows that the Resistance is a lost cause.  She ordered me to leave the Resistance after I gave her the credits.  She wanted me to be someplace safe so that the Light will go on.” Rey looks down, feeling guilty all over again for that horrible scene when Ben Solo had made his surprise appearance at the Resistance to collect her.  It had made public in the most embarrassing way the Skywalker family feud.  “General Leia worried that you would find me and turn me Dark.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Ben judges matter of fact.  “That would be her worst fear.  But that’s old school reasoning, Rey.  I don’t want you Dark.  I’ve got that covered.  I need you to stay in the Light.”

 

“So you’re not going to make even a halfhearted attempt to seduce me to the Dark Side?” Rey asks.  It’s a half-serious, half-teasing question. 

 

“You sound disappointed.”  He sounds amused.

 

“Maybe a little,” Rey admits.  As bizarre as it sounds, it’s true.  She’s a little dissed by this.  “Snoke didn’t bother trying to turn me either,” she grumbles.

 

“That’s because he knew you were a lost cause.  You have the spirit of a true Jedi, remember?   That was high praise indeed from old man Snoke.  That’s when I knew that I . . . that’s when I knew that we should join forces.” 

 

“Because you have the spirit of a true Sith?” Rey raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“I am not a Sith,” Ben informs her for the second time today.  “It’s time to move past the Jedi and the Sith.” He turns towards her now.  “I think I knew it during our duel in the woods but it took until the throne room for me to realize it, Rey.  Suddenly, it was clear that we should balance one another as allies rather than oppose each other in mutual destruction.”

 

“We pretty much destroyed your grandfather’s lightsaber,” she agrees, recalling what happened the last time they tried to contest one another. 

 

“That’s because we are equals in the Force.”  Ben looks her in the eye and turns towards her.  “I am the Darkness growing stronger—”

 

“And I am the Light that arose to meet you,” Rey finishes the thought for him.

 

“Yes.”  Ben nods.  “The Force defaults to balance,” he half-whispers.  He has that dreamy cast to his long-featured face again.  It’s the look he always gets when he speaks of the Force.  “Rey,” he says in hushed tones as his dark eyes bore into her, “the Force sent you to me.”

 

She nods.  It’s sort of a grandiose way to phrase it, but yes.  That makes sense.  For she had seen Kylo Ren in a vision long before she had ever met the man. 

 

“Do you understand what I am telling you, Rey?  Do you know what this means?” he demands.

 

No, not really, she thinks as she searches his face.  Ben now has that look which she remembers from the throne room.  It’s a mix of determination and naked vulnerability.   It’s very raw and sort of exposed looking, and it perfectly fits the man who wears a mask for most everyone but her.  “It means that we are opposites who can balance the Force,” she guesses.  “Right?”

 

“No,” he is emphatic.  “We are not opposites, Rey.  Not at all.  You and I are destiny,” he quietly proclaims.

 

Is he serious?  He is.  Ben Solo is always serious.  “D-Destiny?” Rey echoes softly.

 

“Yes, destiny,” Ben states firmly as he half rises to move closer towards her end of the couch.  “You were sent to me, you are meant to help me, you are meant to be with me.  You are my destiny, Rey.”

 

“D-Destiny . . . “  Ben’s sudden intensity is a little scary.  But it’s so him.  For who else but the latest scion of the Skywalker clan would claim fate as the main protagonist in his life.

 

“Yes,” Ben rasps as he sits down close beside her and nabs both of her hands.  He laces his fingers in hers and holds them tight.  This isn’t a brush of fingertips through the Force, this is a possessive man staking his claim.  “Don’t fight it, Rey.  Don’t fight me,” he says as his face looms closer.  And is that a plea or a warning?

 

Rey isn’t certain of which, but she is certain that she is about to be kissed.  Ben moves closer still and Rey’s eyes fall closed.  She can feel his warm breath on her cheek.  She knows that his lips are hovering next to hers.  Yes, she is about to be thoroughly kissed.  Rey decides that after a few delicious moments she will resist.  But, first, the anticipation is killing her.   She would never admit it to anyone, but suddenly she is very anxious to feel his lips on hers.  And what is he waiting for??  Let’s do this.

 

“Rey—”

 

“Yes,” she yelps a little too loudly.  Yes, please.  Get on with it or she will take matters into her own hands.

 

Then suddenly, Leia Organa’s message of hope to Coruscant begins to play full volume on the holonet again.   It interrupts the moment completely.  Because there’s nothing like the voice of your estranged mother or your disapproving General mentor to spoil the mood. 

 

Spooked Ben leaps back and swears under his breath.

 

Startled Rey lowers her face and blinks open her eyes.

 

It’s terrible timing.  Ben whirls to stare resentfully at the screen and swears again.  And Rey can’t help it—she starts to giggle.  Because that was . . . well, what was that?  On some level, it’s a ridiculous and hugely ironic interruption, Rey thinks.  But the replaying message is also a stark and very real reminder of the conflicts that rage between her and Ben.  And that’s a huge buzzkill if there ever was one.

 

Ben waves a hand at the screen and mutes the sound.  He glances over at her as if wondering whether to resume things.  But the moment is gone.  Plus, red-faced Rey is snort laughing behind her hand over the whole affair and that isn’t very encouraging to Ben.

 

And now, Leia Organa is back on her son’s mind.  The message keeps looping to replay over and over again.  Ben eyes it sullenly as he slumps on the couch beside her and sighs.  “It’s sort of a miracle that my mother is still alive after all these years,” he observes without enthusiasm as they both watch the earnest matriarch of the galaxy with the sound turned down.  She is the surviving princess of a planet lost to the Death Star, the famous fugitive heroine of the Rebellion, and more recently the New Republic’s chief warmonger.   Leia Organa had been proven right in the end for her warnings about the First Order.  It makes her now more than ever a towering moral figure in the fight for democracy.   For all that she has warned about for years has finally come to pass. “My mother made it through the Rebellion, through multiple assassination attempts in the New Republic, and now so far through the Resistance.”  Ben makes a face.  “She may outlive us both, Rey.”

 

The way he says this makes Rey wonder whether Ben would kill his own mother if he had the chance.  Probably not, she thinks, for he’s had plenty of opportunity by now.  Still, reportedly Kylo Ren had ordered no quarter on Crait, so Rey is not sure.  He did kill Han Solo in cold blood, after all.

 

“Would Snoke have killed her?” Rey gets at the topic a roundabout way.

 

Ben thinks a moment.  “I’m not sure.  He would probably have tried to use her as a political prop first.  And then, once she refused, he would have killed her.”

 

Rey shoots Ben a sideways look as she corrects him.  “You mean Snoke would have had you kill her.  Like he tried with me.”

 

Ben nods and looks away.  “I thought she was dead when my wingman nailed her cruiser’s bridge during the chase after D’qar.  But then I felt her presence in the Force on Crait.   If nothing else, that woman is very hard to kill.”

 

“Well, she’s a Skywalker, right?”  Rey observes dryly.  And now she can’t help but feel uncomfortably aware of the small datafile in her pocket with Leia Organa’s record of her life.  The General hadn’t given it to Rey with any expectation that it would find its way to her son.  In fact, Leia Organa might be horrified at that.  But more and more, Rey thinks that’s where it belongs.  Because if Ben Solo is going to rule the galaxy, he could probably benefit from his mother’s wisdom.   If he will take it, that is. 

 

With that in mind, Rey asks, “Ben, how are you going to govern once you win?”  He can’t keep the whole Core under martial law indefinitely.  Can he?     

 

Ben is still brooding as he watches the muted, looping replay of his mother’s speech.  Rey prompts him.  “Ben?”

 

“I’m still figuring that out.  I’ll worry about that when the war is over.”

 

“That could be any day now.”

 

“I know.”

 

Well, that is not reassuring, Rey thinks.  “How about we watch something else?” she suggests.   She’s suddenly anxious to lighten the morose mood.  All this talk about Leia Organa has made Ben very subdued.  Rey had wanted tonight to be fun and easy.  Like hanging out at the Resistance with Finn, Rose, and Poe.  But this is nothing like that.  Days can go by with her and Ben before either of them laughs.  And Rey knows that is not good for either of them.

 

“Come on,” she leans in a bit.  “Let’s put something else on now.”

 

“Here,” he accepts the offer and lobs the holonet remote at her.  “Put on whatever.  I don’t care.  Just not her.”

 

“Okay.”  Rey starts flipping channels.  It’s prime time and there are a lot of popular shows on to choose from.  “Tell me when.”

 

“No, not that.  I hate cooking shows.  I don’t care who the best baker is on Chandrila.”

 

“Me neither.”  She made it a habit back on Jakku never to watch shows that featured food.  Rey moves on. 

 

“Not that.  Singing competitions are annoying.  It’s always some Twi’lek belting out ballads who wins because she’s half naked and hot.”

 

“Okay.”  No hot Twi’leks then.  Rey suppresses a grin.

 

“I hate cop shows.”

 

“Realy?”  Rey is surprised at this.  “I thought you were all for law and order.”

 

“I hate cop shows.  Look at that guy—he’s such a cliché.  I bet he has some rookie buddy cop as a partner and a quirky forensic analyst girl with your old hairdo who will crack the case.”

 

“Wait—I’m quirky?” Rey has never imagined herself described thus.

 

“Your old mohawk hair buns were.”

 

“Oh,” Rey reaches up self-consciously to smooth her loose hair.  “Yeah . . . maybe so . . . I guess.”  She’s never been much into appearance.  It just wasn’t practical on Jakku.  And Rey knows she’s not a pretty girl. 

 

“I liked them,” Ben tells her offhand.  “They sort of suited you because they made you look fierce.  Growing up, my mother was always doing weird stuff with her hair.  She was into hair buns too.”

 

Yikes, Rey thinks.  They are back to Ben’s mommy issues again.  She quickly changes the channel.

 

But this too is rejected.  “I hate medical shows.  Doctors flirting with doctors is boring.  And if I’m supposed to be impressed by all that jargon, I’m not.”

 

“Alright.”  Click.  Rey tries again.

 

“This pod race is a year old,” Ben complains.  “I’ve seen it already.  The guy in back comes from behind on the last lap.”

 

“Yeah, I know.  But it’s a great finish though.  And there’s that crash at the end.  Best championship race ever, Ben.”

 

“Agreed.  But what’s the fun in watching a race when you already know who wins?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Cartoons?  What are we—age five?”

 

“Oh, no--don’t tell me that you’ve seen this one and you know how it ends,” Rey teases him.  “What have you got against Thomas the Transport, Ben?” 

 

“Nothing.  I loved him when I was a kid.  I’m not a kid.  This is the problem with the holonet.  There are hundreds of channels but there is never anything I want to watch.”  He makes a face.  “And tonight, my fucking mother is the star of the show.”

 

“Maybe you’re a little picky?” Rey suggests mildly as she consults the channel guide.

 

“What’s wrong with that?” He is defensive.  “I just have higher standards than all this crap.”

 

“Ah, here, surely you’ll like this,” Rey promises as she clicks over to a channel playing that lengthy multi-part biography of Emperor Palpatine which she saw in Ben’s playlist when she went snooping.  She knows he’ll like this.

 

Her ploy works.  Beside her, Ben nods.  “This is good.”  Then, he reaches to take the remote from her.  “I’m skipping to episode three.  The first two are all political background for Palpatine’s rise to power under Valorum.  Things don't start happening until episode three.  No one cares about taxation of trade routes to outlying systems anyway.” 

 

Two hours later, Rey has watched the Old Republic fall, the Jedi Temple burn, the Clone Wars end, and a shadowy military figure named Darth Vader rise to the forefront of power.  Episode three ends with the Empire being declared.  It’s a story she knows, of course, but not in this level of detail.  For the history is told from various points of view with competing opinions and accounts from various scholars, journalists, and political figures of the day.  There is a lot that the experts disagree upon.  But Rey is struck by the important events upon which they all concur.  When the show is over, Rey turns off the holonet and turns to Ben.

 

“Did it really happen like that?   People actually welcomed him as Emperor?” 

 

“Yes.  There were some with misgiving, but by and large the galaxy was relieved to have more centralized power in the wake of such a catastrophic war.”

 

“I guess I never focused on how legitimate Palpatine’s rise to Emperor was,” Rey confesses.  Palpatine was the bad guy in most of the versions of this history Rey has heard.

 

“Sheev Palpatine didn’t conquer the galaxy like I am doing,” Ben explains.  “He engineered things from behind the scenes so that he appeared to gain control by default.  That man was an excellent Sith,” he approves.  “Crafty and rarely overt.  Palpatine operated in the open before his enemies without disguise.  The Jedi never saw him coming.  That is a major accomplishment in itself.”

 

“And did the Jedi really try to assassinate him?”

 

“Yes.”  Ben’s face is hard now.  “Darth Sidious merited Luke Skywalker’s solution for me on grounds he was a Sith.  That wasn’t actually illegal at the time.  The Jedi Council had no evidence or proof to arrest Palpatine, let alone kill him.  Palpatine was the duly elected Senator from Naboo and the duly elected Senate Chancellor.  He was a completely legitimate political figure in every way, even if he was Sith.”

 

“Sidious must have been good with a sword to take on the whole Jedi Council by himself and win,” Rey thinks aloud.

 

“I’m pretty sure that Vader was present for the fight even though it isn’t in the history books.  My grandfather’s role in all of this is never credited.  Darth Vader just coincidentally shows up one day as the Emperor’s right hand.”  Rey follows Ben’s eyes across the room to the closed door of the meditation chamber that contains Vader’s mask.  “Snoke said Sidious was terrible to Vader.  He never really trained Vader in the Dark Side and he kept him on a very short leash.” 

 

“Why?” Rey asks.

 

“Why else?” Ben gripes.  “He was afraid of Vader’s power.  Like Skywalker was afraid of mine.”

 

“He was afraid Vader would supplant him?”

 

“Yes.  Kill and replace was how Sith succession worked.  But Sidious was also afraid that Vader was the Chosen One and that once Vader fulfilled the prophesy, it would mean the end of the Sith.”

 

“But it all came to pass in the end anyway,” Rey says softly.

 

“Yes.  Don’t try to fight destiny,” Ben warns her pointedly.  “You will never succeed.   Many have tried and failed.  It is a fool’s errand.”  Ben glances over again towards the mediation room.  “Vader never reached his full potential in the Force.  After he was burned alive, he syphoned off a lot of his power just to keep himself vibrant and alive.  He was a quadriplegic dependent on a respirator.  The Jedi called him more machine than man.”  Ben scowls and looks away.  “I’ve spent a lot of time at his castle.  Vader was no machine.” 

 

“So . . . why aren’t you a Sith?” Rey finally asks pointblank.

 

“The same reason you aren’t a Jedi.  There was no Sith Master around to teach me,” Ben explains.  “If there had been some Dark Side Yoda in exile waiting for me, I would have signed up.  But there wasn’t.  So I ended up with Snoke.”  Ben gives Rey an approving look.  He is pleased with her interest in this subject matter, she can tell.  And now, Ben starts sharing some knowledge of his own.  “Snoke said that Sidious had a secret wife.  She was some woman from the Coruscant Underworld who Sheev Palpatine got entangled with in his youth.  They stayed together until he died.”

 

“That didn't make episode 3.  Is the juicy stuff in the later episodes?” Rey wants to know.  Because if so, she’s up for some binge watching.  Bring on the sexy Sith Underworld intrigue.

 

“The wife never made the history books at all,” Ben reveals.  “She was good to Lord Vader supposedly.  Snoke said that she felt sorry for him and would intercede on Vader’s behalf with her husband now and then.”

 

“So how does Snoke know all this about Palpatine?” Rey cross-examines.  She’s starting to be a bit skeptical that this ‘not in the history books’ stuff is all true.

 

Ben shrugs.  “I don’t know.  How does Snoke know any of it?  But it’s true.  I would have sensed a lie.”

 

“Have you heard Snoke’s voice again?” Rey now asks Ben.  She’s wondered this but been a little afraid to ask for fear of the answer.

 

“No.  Just that once before I came for you.  Why?  Are you dreaming of him still?”

 

“Not since I came here,” Rey admits.  “That’s strange, actually.  Because I was dreaming about him a lot back at the Resistance.”

 

“He hasn’t gone away,” Ben warns her.  “He’ll be back.”

 

“I know,” she worriedly concedes.   Just thinking about creepy old Snoke is ruining her relaxed mood.  But aside from that weird almost-kiss thing earlier and Ben’s declarations of destiny, tonight has gone pretty well.  She’d like to keep it that way.  “Let’s stop talking about this.  It’s stressing me out,” Rey complains.

 

Ben grunts.  “Tell me about.”  He abruptly stands to his feet and crosses the room to look out the window at Coruscant below.  It was the capital of Palpatine’s Empire and it was the locus of most of the events described in the documentary they have just watched.

 

And that prompts Rey to open a new topic. “Will Coruscant be the capital world for the First Order or will you move it to the Rim?”  Most of the First Order’s strongest support comes from the developing and industrial worlds of the galaxy’s Rim. 

 

“I don’t know.  I guess we’ll make Coruscant the capital.  It’s what people will expect.”

 

“You don’t sound like you even care,” Rey observes.

 

Ben is still looking out the window with his back to her as he responds.  “It’s not that I don’t care, Rey, or that I don’t have a plan for how to govern once the war ends.  This is the First Order.  We think things through and we’ve been anticipating victory scenarios for years.  It’s just I worry that I will get it all up and running in a year or two and then that’s when Snoke will reappear.  He’ll bide his time until the war is over and the hard part is done.  Then, he’ll kill me and take it all back.”

 

It’s a realistic scenario that wily old Snoke would like, Rey knows.  So she has no comforting words to offer.  There can be no soothing assurances when it comes to Snoke.  There is only the hope that she and Ben are mistaken and their fears are overblown.  “He might not even be alive . . .”

 

But Ben is adamant.  “He’s alive alright.  I just don’t know where or how.”

 

And now, Rey offers up another way out.  “Do you ever think about walking away?” she asks Ben quietly.

 

“What?” he turns around with a quizzical look.

 

“Ben, we could do it.  We could just leave.  No one would know.”  Rey’s words come out in an excited jumble.  “We could find someplace quiet and secluded and study the Force together.  We could balance the Force together. No more Jedi, no more Sith.  We’ll build something new together.”

 

“Together?” he asks her, his eyes narrowing.

 

“Yes. Together,” Rey nods.  “Like we are together now.” 

 

That’s not the answer Ben was hoping for evidently because he scowls.  “Together like now?  No.”  Ben gives her a peevish, pouting look as he says this.  “So you want to go be a Jedi hermit somewhere like Luke?   Like Yoda?  Like Kenobi?”

 

“Like who?”  Rey doesn’t know all these names.  

 

“You’d probably be good at that,” Ben jeers.  Something she has said has clearly ticked him off. “You’re excellent at being a loner, Rey.” 

 

That was a low blow, but Rey lets it slide and resumes her persuasion.  “The point is that you could leave all of this behind.  The war, the First Order, the—"

 

“You can’t be serious,” Ben snaps.  And, yes, she is.  That realization makes him more angry.  Ben’s voice is louder now as he warns, “Rey, you can’t run from this.” 

 

“Why not?” she demands. 

 

“Stop reacting and think!” he reprimands.  “You act before you think a lot, Rey.  I bet Uncle Luke didn’t like that.”

 

Rey lifts her chin.  “I’m trusting my instincts.  They kept me alive on Jakku.”

 

He calls her on this.  “Your impulse to runaway may be what kept you alive on Jakku, but it’s not the answer to every problem in life.   The war doesn’t end if we disappear to commune with the Force, Rey.  I can’t walk away and leave the galaxy in a mess.”  Ben sounds frustrated and disappointed with her now.  “Have you heard nothing I say?  We are destiny!  You can’t outrun destiny.  We are in this together, Rey, I need you to accept that.” 

 

Destiny.  There he goes with the destiny business again.  Who knew Ben Solo would be such a romantic fool for fate and the Force?  But Rey resolves to keep her cool as Ben rapidly loses his.  “I said we would do it together,” she reminds him patiently.  “We’ll go form a new school of thought for the Force somewhere remote where no one will bother us.  Maybe not even Snoke.”

 

“You want to ride off into the sunset and create some New Jedi Order, is that it?”

 

She shrugs.  “Yeah.  Something like that.  Just think about it, Ben.”

 

“You still don’t get it, do you?  There is no redeeming me, Rey.”  He calls his heavy helmet to his hand with the Force and shakes it at her.  “This is who I am,” he declares before he heaves the helmet hard across the room to crash hard and bounce off the wall.

 

And maybe that little display of violence should deter Rey, but it does not.  She persists.  “It’s not all that you are.  There is Light in you—"

 

“Yes!   There is Light in me.  But there is mostly Darkness. I want to be Kylo Ren,” he informs her.  “The First Order has not killed billions to conquer the galaxy so I could walk away and leave it leaderless.  Not even for you, Rey.   There was a point to all of this.” 

 

“All I see is people dying.” 

 

He doesn’t debate her.  He just sighs and runs a hand through his tousled hair.  “The war will be over soon.  Then we have a chance to start anew and make things right.”

 

“You’re not going to change,” Rey accuses.   “The war will end and you’ll still be . . . you.”

 

“Yes,” he agrees.  “That’s the point!  Stop trying to change me.  I want you to accept me and to help me, Rey.” 

 

And now, it seems they are back to another ‘join me’ conversation again.  “I don’t know if I can do that,” Rey confesses.  More and more, Rey is just confused.

 

“You’re not even trying!” he accuses. 

 

“What is it that you want from me?” Rey complains back.

 

“Clearly far more than you will ever give.  You are just like my fucking mother!” Ben rages as he paces across the room to retrieve his helmet and then heaves it again.  

 

Rey watches this little tantrum and now she is angry too.  “Okay, you lost me,” she snaps.  “What does any of this have to do with your mommy issues?   You are so intense!  I can’t deal with how intense you are!”

 

Ben gives her a smirky, knowing look.  “And yet, you keep coming back for more—"

 

“Your mother warned me about you—"

 

“How’s it feel to be the same as the man you disdain and want to change?   How’s it feel to be just like your enemy who you want to save from himself?   Huh?   Are you getting this Rey??”  Ben’s face is an ugly sneer as he stomps towards her.

 

And Rey is through.  She was really trying tonight, too.  Things were going so well until . . . they weren’t.  And who is she kidding?  Ben Solo is Kylo Ren to the core.  Surly and rage-filled and sarcastic and she can’t believe that she wanted to kiss him earlier.  Why the Hell should she do anything to help this Dark Side man-child megalomaniac?  “You are a cold and angry man and I have had enough—"

 

“Cold?  You think I’m the cold, distant one?  Look in the mirror, Rey!” he interrupts her with a roar.  “You have hate.  You have anger.  But you don’t use them.  You are the Light but I’ll bet there is plenty of Darkness in you if you will just let me in to see it.”

 

Rey shoots to her feet and plants her hands on her hips.  “So this is about Jakku?”  Are they back to Jakku again?  Because she hates having Jakku thrown in her face all the time. 

 

“You might have been me, Rey.  That’s what this is about.  If that Darkness in you had been nurtured in the right ways and by the right person, you might have been me.  Because you are extreme like me.”

 

“No,” she vows, taking offense.  “I would never be Kylo Ren!”

 

“That’s what you think.  You’re so smug in the Light.  Distant and righteous just like my mother.  Well, you can deny the Darkness within and run from it, but it’s there.  Just like the Light is in me.   In the right set of circumstances, a person can become anything, Rey!  That’s a lesson from Darth Vader.  My grandfather was a Jedi hero on the High Council before he became a feared Sith.  We are all much more malleable than we care to think.”

 

“What is your point?  Get to the point!”  Rey doesn’t want another lecture on Darth Vader and the moral equivalency of the Force.  She gets it—Ben wants balance.  Well, so does she.

 

“The point is there is a monster in each of us, Rey, just waiting to come out.  Did my mother ever tell you why she never trained in the Force?”

 

“She said she wanted to contribute in other ways,” Rey remembers.  “She became a diplomat and a statesman instead.”

 

“That’s a lie!” Ben rages with a new level of vehemence.  “She was afraid!”

 

“Afraid?” Rey blinks.

 

“Yes, afraid.  My mother was afraid that she might become her father all over again.  Leia Organa has plenty of Darkness.  She’s a Chosen One, just like me.  We’re all equal parts Light and Dark, with the capacity to be anything.  She knew that!” Ben is advancing on Rey now as he speaks.  “My mother’s fear of Darkness kept her from developing her talent.  My uncle’s fear of Darkness made him try to murder me in my sleep.  Your fear of Darkness has you continually pushing me away.   You say you’re not afraid of me, but I’m not so sure.  Because the solution you keep coming back to is that I need to turn.”

 

“Look, I sat on your couch tonight!” she protests.  “Like you wanted.  And I dimmed the lights.”  It’s a completely inane and unsatisfactory response. “I was trying,” she grinds out.  “But you are so difficult—"

 

“You’re just like my family.  Trying to change me.  All because you are afraid of what I might become.  You’re too late, Rey,” he sneers.  “This is who I am!  Why can’t you accept that?” he demands.  Ben reaches for her now, jerking her forward to him roughly. 

 

“Hey!” she objects to his man handling.  “Ease off!”

 

“I don’t want you on my couch,” he hisses.  His face is inches from hers.  “I want you in my arms,” he rasps.  “I want you in my head.  I want you at my side in my Order, Rey Solo.”

 

He swoops for her mouth now.  Here is the kiss she was expecting earlier tonight.  Rey staggers a step or two back beneath its immediate onslaught.  For this man is a Dark priest of the Force and passion is his power.  He harnesses it to kill and to hurt, and he unleashes it now for her.  It is a yearning, burning, ambitious, adamant, needy lust that threatens to sweep her away.   This, then, is how she will be tempted by the Dark Side.   Tempted not to join it but to submit to its will. 

 

Rey instinctively knows that Ben is not a man to toy with.  This is not the good-natured Poe Dameron who will flirt with her now and then in a friendly, gentle way. This is not earnest big-hearted Finn who always does the right thing.  This man is different.  Ben is dangerously unpredictable, easily frustrated, and filled with rage.   His moods are many and they change on a dime and usually result in violence.  She and Ben spend most of their time arguing when they are not discussing the Force or the Skywalkers.  They have nothing in common and Rey is not even sure they like one another.  But, oh, this man’s kiss . . .   It’s absolutely glorious.  She’d be happy for this to go on forever.  But she needs to stop it or else she will end up ravished here on the floor.  Worse still, she’d revel in it. 

 

“Ben, stop—” She rears back her head to break the kiss.

 

“N-No!” he is insistent.   “Don’t push me away!”  His words now come out between open-mouthed sucking, biting kisses up her neck to her ear.  And, of course, this Dark Sider’s seduction plays on all of her worst fears.  “Your family threw you away.  Luke didn’t want you.  Snoke didn’t want you.  My mother wanted you to leave too.  I’m the one who wants you.  I’m the only one who will ever want you, Scavenger.” 

 

And, wait—how did they end up on the couch?  This is all happening so fast.  Ben’s muscled body has her pinned and his hands are buried in the roots of her hair.  Ben Solo is a fool for the Force, and so it’s his ultimate argument.  “Even the Force wants us together.  We are destiny,” he whispers as he grinds into her.  And, oh stars!  That’s her arching and moaning beneath him, isn’t it?   “Stop pushing me away,” Ben commands.  And it’s a little ironic given Rey’s arms are currently wrapped around his neck.  But it once again reminds Rey of what she needs to do before things get even more out of hand.

 

“Ben, stop . . . we can’t do this . . . ”   Things are complicated enough between them as is.  And, besides, Rey is not ready for this on so many levels.  “Ben . . . stop . . . “

 

He silences her with a kiss. 

 

It’s his typical overbearing approach to everything.  The only thing that seems to get this man’s attention is the threat of violence.  And where is her sword when she needs it?  Rey untangles her right hand that has been buried in Ben’s hair and outstretches it to call for her weapon with the Force.

 

His hand gets there first as he intercepts her sword flying from the table across the room. 

 

But he presses it now into her palm, literally handing her the sword. “I’ll stop, Rey.  I don’t want you against your will.”  And that’s a relief but under the circumstances an unexpected move.  As usual, this man is disarming in his unpredictability.  “One day, you will give me everything.  You will be my everything.  I know.  Because I have seen it in the Force.”  He leans in to kiss her one last time softly on the lips.  Then he abruptly releases her and stands up.  She’s still sprawled on her back on the couch, disheveled and confused as he stares down at her.  His face is unreadable, but his eyes are smoldering as he bids her, “Goodnight, Rey.”  Then, he disappears fast to his room.


	18. Chapter 18

It’s hard to tell at breakfast the next morning if Rey is giving him the silent treatment or if she is just her usual laconic self.   It’s not that Rey doesn’t speak, it’s that she only speaks when she has something to say.  And she is unerringly direct when she says it.  She’s not unfriendly.  It’s more that she is reserved.  This is not a bubbly girl who chit-chats.  Kylo wonders if that is a legacy of her isolation on Jakku or whether it’s just her personality.  Rey’s mind churns away, that’s for certain.  It’s just that not much of what she thinks comes out her mouth unsolicited.  That means they tend to have long silences between them.  They aren’t uncomfortable so much as unusual.  These days, it seems like everyone wants to yap on and on at the Supreme Leader to get his notice.  Rey is only person he knows who doesn’t run at the mouth. 

 

That, of course, makes Kylo even more interested in what Rey has to say. 

 

“What’s your plan for today?” he asks, looking up from his datapad.

 

“The usual,” Rey answers.  “More Jedi books.  I’m on the third one now.”

 

“Anything else?”

 

“I’m going to see if my new ID will get me in to check out the hyperdrive.  I’d really like to see the hyperdrive.”

 

“Do that in the morning,” he instructs as an idea suddenly occurs to him.  “Meet me in the hangar bay at oh-sixteen-hundred.”

 

“For what?”

 

“It’s Wednesday,” he answers.  “On Wednesday afternoons, I fly.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“And since that Resistance assassin girl stole my ship when she busted out of detention, I have a new one.  It was delivered last week and I have yet to test it out.  Rey, I want you to help me test it out.”

 

“Yeah, okay.”  Rey is smiling at him, her eyes lit up. “You’re on.”

 

Her reaction instantly puts him in a better mood.  It only lasts a few minutes because his first meeting of the day saps his optimism fast.  The topic, of course, is Coruscant. 

 

Snoke’s Plan A to conquer the galaxy was the Starkiller.  Take out Hosnia to get everyone’s attention and then blast another insignificant system here or there after they refuse a First Order ultimatum.  After a few more Alderaans, all the major systems will give in and the galaxy will be won.   After that, fear of the Starkiller will keep the local systems in line.  Plan A was basically a variation of the Tarkin Doctrine from long ago.  But, unfortunately, Plan A imploded along with Starkiller Base. 

 

Plan B was to destroy the remaining Resistance and invade the Core with boots on the ground.  This is the messy, high-casualty way to conquer the galaxy that consumes maximum resources and time.  It has largely been accomplished.  But those pesky holdout worlds Coruscant and Corellia stubbornly remain.  And those worlds matter a great deal.  Coruscant especially.   Progress on Coruscant is slow and it’s making Kylo impatient and increasingly concerned.

 

As his conference room full of generals continue to bicker and point fingers, Kylo rises from his seat to stand before the window to look down at Coruscant below.  They call this urban world the Eternal City.  It’s an apt moniker.  Fitting not only for the millennia old cityscape but also for the indifferent resilience of its populace.   ‘So goes Coruscant, so goes the galaxy’ is the best known idiom about this ancient seat of power.   The old saying is ironic, though, because while things change, nothing ever changes.   For however Coruscant goes, the Coruscanti never seem to care. 

 

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren will be the latest on a long list of notables who have ruled this city-world.  For amid the changing fortunes of the galaxy, a myriad of leaders has come and gone.  But Coruscant remains the same.  The Jedi Temple becomes the Imperial Palace becomes a New Republic museum.  And Coruscant’s citizens just shrug and go about their business. This world’s population is uniformly rich, well educated, and well connected.  They have a lot to lose in a full-scale war.  That makes the Coruscanti perfectly poised to compromise.  For so long as their own personal interests are protected, Coruscant is happy to cut a deal.  Credits matter more here usually than principles.

 

The First Order had been counting on this conventional wisdom to prevail.  But it turns out, they were wrong.  General Hux's initial invasion weeks ago had been a massive undertaking, carefully coordinated.  First Order troops secured the Upper Levels, the Mid Levels, and the Lower Levels concurrently.   No one bothered to attack or defend the seedy Coruscant Underworld.  With the Resistance reduced to a handful of zealots hiding in the Mid Rim, initially there were only local police left to mount a defense.  And so, when the First Order tanks rolled in and stormtroopers flooded the streets, there was little initial opposition.

 

This was not victory, as many had concluded.  It was the calm before the storm.  For once the First Order occupation forces fell into predictable patrol patterns, the attacks began.  Some are clearly organized, but loosely so like flash mobs of insurgents.  Others are random sniper attacks and bomb plots.  It is far too prevalent to be the work of just a few diehards.  It is the beginning of an urban guerrilla war no one saw coming.  Kylo recognizes these old school Rebellion terror tactics as the hallmark of Leia Organa.  The Resistance might no longer be a credible threat, but its influence still remains.  It is galling to him.

 

For Coruscant might be conquered but its people are not.  They let the larger, more powerful First Order ostensibly win but then revolt as and when they can.   Wreaking havoc and spreading fear.  For somehow over the last few months, thousands maybe millions of weapons have been quietly smuggled into Coruscant and dispersed widely among the citizenry.  Now, armed shopkeepers, accountants, art gallery owners, and professors suddenly have become angry vigilantes and improvised militias.  It is a surprise move.  For Coruscant, like much of the Republic Core, is a gun-control, weapons-restricted zone.   This isn’t the Rim where everyone owns a blaster.  This is the denizen of the elite where that sort of thing is considered very déclassé. 

 

Foolishly, the First Order had counted on those attitudes to ensure no homegrown resistance.   But they were wrong.  For in the end, even the blasé, jaded Coruscantis will resist the First Order.  These people might not be moved to formally join the Resistance, but they share its staunchly democratic ideals.  And when push comes to shove and their way of life is threatened and their world invaded, even these average ordinary citizens will fight.  

 

Now, determining who is friend and who is foe is impossible until the shooting starts.  That means First Order troops err on the side of caution and shoot first.  The result is widespread civilian slaughter that only serves to create more insurgents.  For every innocent man, woman and child killed in the crossfire, there are bereft family members who line up to take up arms against the First Order.  And so, the violence feeds on itself.  By one month into the fighting, it’s clear this will take a while and it will be far more difficult than anyone had planned.  While the nightly First Order newsfeed is full of triumphant announcements of military objectives achieved, Kylo can’t shake the feeling that those accomplishments are as illusory as the initial invasion was.

 

More and more, Kylo worries that Luke Skywalker’s final words were true and the war is just beginning.  That he will get very close to winning everything and then stall.  Maybe even lose it all.  It is disheartening.  He wants this war over yesterday.  Kylo Ren is ready to move on.

 

And that’s why for the third time in a week Kylo is closeted with his senior team listening to the endgame scenario for Coruscant.  Promoting desperation is the First Order’s new strategy.  The ongoing blockade and siege will continue indefinitely until proud Coruscant is starved into submission.  Starved of all resources from basic consumer goods to medical supplies to foodstuffs to fuel.   That kind of deprivation among these pampered city elites will cause widespread panic.  Hopefully, it will promote infighting and crime rather than solidarity.  The goal is that Coruscant society will eventually breakdown into every man fighting for himself and his family, and that will hinder the continuation of a homegrown Resistance.  It’s ‘divide and conquer’ in its most invidious form.

 

The problem is that this strategy will take time.  Time Kylo Ren doesn’t have.  He feels pressured to end the war to solidify his leadership position.  To prove his worth.  Kylo Ren is self-aware enough to know that he is largely disliked and uniformly feared within the First Order.  That makes him vulnerable.  For if his enemies within the Order band together, Kylo could be facing his own personal version of Palpatine’s Order 66.  It’s a sobering thought.  Kylo turns back from the window now and his gaze falls on Hux.  Of course, General Hux is talking again.  Hux loves to hear himself talk and he tends to dominate every conversation.  It’s sort of the opposite of Rey, Kylo thinks.

 

If a man emerges to challenge him, Kylo instinctively knows that Army Hux will be the one.  Hux has the media recognition and popular acclaim to be an acceptable leader.  He has the brains and the skill to run the Order and the transition would be seamless.  Plus, Hux has the respect of his peers and the appropriate pedigree as the son of a high-ranking Imperial officer who was one of the original founders of the Order.  Hux also has the ruthless ambition, the gargantuan ego, and the steel nerve to do it.  There is nothing General Armitage Hux won’t do.  He is a fucking maniac for the Order.   Hux was gleeful to fire the Starkiller, Kylo recalls.  The man couldn’t wait to blow up Hosnia with that technological terror of his.  Rabid cur, indeed.   The meeting drones on.  Kylo would have ended it an hour ago, but he’s trying to let everyone have their say so he will look open to their ideas.  He can’t afford to alienate these men.  So, tedious as it is, Kylo lets the bickering continue.  Hux and the rest of his hyper precise, small minded groupies all put their faith in plans and ideas.   These men are textbook soldiers who worship data above all else.  They don’t feel the Force.  They don’t know the power of the Dark Side.  They are unworthy of leadership on the scale of the galaxy.  That sort of responsibility belongs to a Dark priest of the Force.  It also belongs to a Skywalker, Kylo is firmly convinced.

 

By the time the meeting is over, Kylo is more frustrated than ever.  Stressed and uncertain of himself.  As ever, plagued by self-doubts.  Oh-sixteen hundred can’t come soon enough.   Because it there’s one thing other than killing people and destroying things that helps Kylo Ren blow off steam, it’s flying.  And today, he’ll be flying with Rey.

 

Kuat Driveyards had fallen all over themselves to build him a new TIE Silencer in record time after his personal ship was ‘stolen.’   Apparently, executing the traitor Kuat CEO had made an impression on the Kuat board of directors.   Anxious to regain favor, the company had made an unsolicited offer to reproduce gratis his original ship in a custom crimson color with black accents.  It is the opposite of the usual First Order color scheme. Intrigued, Kylo accepted.   The distinctive ship arrived in the hangar bay last week to mixed reviews.  Half his crew privately snickers at it as an eyesore.  The other half loves it.  Kylo himself thinks it very distinctive, like himself. 

 

When the appointed time arrives, Rey walks up to his new ship and stares.  And is that staring in a good way or a bad way?   Kylo wants to know, so he asks, “What do you think of my new ship, Lieutenant?”

 

There are six silently curious pilots waiting at attention close by along with two aides Kylo has yet to dismiss.  Glancing around at their audience, Rey keeps her cover.  “Very red, Sir,” she says as she executes another cringeworthy salute. 

 

Her eyes keep darting back to the ship and now he’s dying to know what she really thinks.   So he presses, “I know it’s red.  I asked what you think, Lieutenant.  Tell me.” 

 

Rey tells it like it is.  “I think it could have been worse.  It might have been pink . . . er, Sir.  That red is a paint job for a pod racer.  Not a First Order fighter.  Was this color on sale or something?”

 

One of the pilots listening in snickers slightly.  Kylo shoots the man a reproving look.  “No.” 

 

“Leader Snoke would approve,” Rey says diplomatically as she tries to walk back her opinion a bit.  “It matches his throne room on the _Supremacy_.”

 

“Say it.  You hate it.”  Kylo is actually kind of disappointed by this.

 

“Who knew you Dark Siders were so flashy?” Rey mutters.  She’s shifting her weight and sort of flustered now.  “First Snoke dresses like a beauty pageant queen and now you are flying some ship painted like a hot rod.”

 

“Lieutenant, you forget yourself!” the priggish aide at Kylo’s side barks.

 

Kylo waves away this rebuke as he takes off his helmet and smirks at Rey.  “You were too long undercover with the Resistance, Lieutenant.  Surrounded by all that homespun and scratch and dent.”

 

“You asked what I think, Supreme Leader.  I told you what I think,” Rey responds pertly, adding another pitiful salute for good measure.

 

It occurs now to Kylo that this woman is probably the only person onboard the _Finalizer_ who will truthfully tell him what she thinks.  That has real value, he knows.  With a mischievous smirk Rey’s direction, Kylo orders, “Put her in a ship.”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

Twenty minutes later, the six-man squad of TIEs plus Rey plus Kylo in his new ship are launched and assembled in free space just outside Coruscant’s orbit.  Kylo flips his com on to just Rey.

 

“Okay, what are we doing here, Ben?” she asks.  He can hear the excitement in her voice.  It makes him smile.

 

“This is the latest in simulation.  You fly, you fire, and the computer models the consequences.  You are not loaded with any real ordnance.  When you fire, you will see a harmless projection only.  If it lands, nothing happens but it will register as a hit or maybe a kill depending on how the computer interprets it.”

 

“Okay.  I think I’m gonna like this.”

 

“I know you will.  I saw you in the _Falcon_ , remember?   I know you can fly.”

 

Rey hedges a bit now.  “I’ve only flown a TIE in simulation.  And it was an Imperial model.”

 

“Then go roll her around a little and get the feel of the ship.  The basic controls are the same but TIEs have come a long way in thirty years.”

 

And now, Kylo and the rest of the squad hang tight while Rey joyrides a bit in her borrowed basic TIE.  “This thing really moves,” Rey laughs out loud.  “Yes!   I like this!”

 

“That’s enough,” he decides as he watches Rey execute a complex series of dives and spins.  “You’re a fast learner,” he approves.  He’s not surprised.  And kind of proud.

 

“Lt. Solo ready for her Death Star trench run, Sir,” Rey responds cheekily.  And, yes, this is just the break from war that he needs.  Once a week, Kylo carves out an hour to fly just for fun.

 

He switches to an open com to the group.  “Okay, she’s good.  Let’s do this.  Everyone has their target.”

 

“Roger that, Leader,” comes the chorus of responses.  Then everything goes silent as usual.  His pilots only speak when spoken to when their Supreme Leader is around.

 

“Hey wait—what’s my target?” Rey asks. 

 

“Me.”

 

“Oh, you are on!   You are so going down, Ben!” Rey crows.  “Are there any rules I need to know?”

 

“All’s fair in war.  Just try to win,” Kylo retorts.  “Now, come and get me if you can.”   Then, he peels off from formation and rushes aggressively at Rey’s ship.

 

She rushes back headlong, firing as she goes.  And now, it’s a game of chicken in space, a risky contest of wills.  At the last second, Rey blinks and swerves away as her virtual shots bounce harmlessly off his front shields.  Damn, that was close.  “Did Han Solo teach you how to fly?” he goads.  Because his old man pulled stupid stunts like that all the time.  “That was reckless, Rey.”

 

“No, I taught myself.  Did Han Solo teach you?” Rey wants to know.  She’s on his tail now, but he shakes her off when he expertly dives and weaves through the crossfire coming from the other ships.

 

“My uncle did.”

 

“Luke Skywalker taught you to fly?”  Rey sounds surprised at this.  She shouldn’t be.  Han Solo never had much interest in his son.  Before Snoke came along, Luke Skywalker had been his stand-in father for all intents and purposes.  It’s why that awful evening at the Jedi Temple had been such a betrayal for young Ben Solo. 

 

“Oooooo, now I understand the paint job,” Rey gibes.  “You’re going down, Red Five!”

 

Red Five??  Did she just--“Do NOT call me that.  Ever.”

 

“You know, maybe we should get you an X-wing and paint it red.  That will get some looks in the hangar bay, Ben.”

 

“That’s not funny.”

 

“Sure, it is,” Rey laughs heartily.  “That new ship is ridiculous.  You look like a giant flying fruit.”

 

He’ll teach her not to diss his ship.  Kylo spins right at her, firing away.  “Whoa!  That was close!” Rey careens off. 

 

“I can be reckless too,” Kylo laughs.  This is fun.  Lots of fun.  The adrenaline gets him talking.   The rush of combat always makes him animated.   “I used to hotwire Luke’s old T-65 about once a month to run away from Jedi camp.  Whenever I couldn’t take it anymore, I would just fly away.”  He learned that coping mechanism from Han Solo.  His father had been masterful at leaving whenever things got dicey.  It’s one reason why Rey’s suggestion last night to leave the Order had been so upsetting to him.  Boys run away from their responsibilities.   Men do not. 

 

“Did Luke Skywalker teach you how to hotwire a ship?” Rey asks incredulously.  “That wasn’t very Jedi of him.”

 

“No, my father taught me that.  He was the criminal in the family,” Kylo gripes.

 

“So was Luke’s X-wing you hotwired the ship that took out the Death Star?  I would have liked to have seen that ship.”

 

“No.  My uncle lost that ship on Bespin along with his right hand.’”  Kylo makes another attempt to engage that Rey easily evades.  It’s a neat trick.   “That roll was nice,” he compliments.  “Very nice.”

 

“You’ll find I’m full of surprises.”

 

“I already knew that.”

 

The field has cleared because already two pairings have resulted in a kill.  Now, it’s just Kylo and Rey and another pair of TIEs left in the dogfight.  And that gives Kylo some room to really move.  He leans on the throttle to let his ship open up.

 

“Oh, so now it’s your turn to show off?” Rey accuses with a throaty laugh.  It occurs to Kylo that he’s never heard her laugh this much before.

 

“Who’s showing off?  This is just how I fly, Rey.”

 

“Just so you know, I’m rolling my eyes.” Rey hangs back now, biding her time before her next attack. “Tag, you’re it!” she announces triumphantly as she blasts past.

 

Virtual laserfire lights up his left side.  “Damn, Rey!  You almost took my wing off,” he complains.

 

“Score that one a kill!” Rey trills. “Supreme Leader Toast is your new name!  I think my work here is done, Ben.”

 

“No. You just blew my portside shield, that’s all.  As we speak, my droid would be repairing it,” Kylo reminds her.  “I’m still alive.”

 

“Then check six because here I come and the Force is with me,” Rey laughs again.  It’s clear that she’s having as much fun as he is.  It’s down to just them now.  The rest of the squad pairings have already resolved themselves in a kill hit.  The six ships are waiting in tight formation off to the side.

 

“Don’t get cocky.  The Force is with me, Scavenger.  I’m the reigning Skywalker now.”

 

“Ha!  Tell that to your mother!” 

 

Kylo swoops past from above with a blistering combination of laserfire and a proton torpedo shot.  The virtual torpedo shaves down her ship.   “Hey!” Rey yelps.

 

“You just lost half your wing and you’d be in a spin by now,” Kylo informs her smugly.  Rey had put up a good fight, but, as expected, he had won.  Kylo Ren always wins at dogfights.  He’s competitive like that. 

 

“Nah. Minor damage.” 

 

What?? “Really?”  A glance down at the computer tells him she’s right.  “Oh, come on!”

 

And now, the chase is on again.  “Catch me if you can!”

 

“You talk a lot of trash, Rey.”

 

“I’m a trash picker from a trash planet.  I’m as trashy as they come, Darth Ben.”

 

“Everyone’s waiting on us.  Let’s make this real, Rey.  If I win, you give me what I want. If you win, I give you what you want.”

 

“You need to be more specific.  That’s a lot of leeway.”

 

“Jakku.  If I win, you are telling me about Jakku.”

 

“Jakku again?   You need to lay off Jakku.”

 

“No.”

 

She’s silent for a moment before she obliquely accepts.  “And if I win?”

 

“Name your terms.”

 

Rey thinks.  “How about you teach me to freeze blaster bolts with the Force?  And to deflect bolts with a sword too.”

 

“Done.  Rey, I’ll teach you whatever you want whether you win or not.”  She needs a teacher.  How many times has he told her that?

 

“Well, in that case I change my prize. If I win, the First Order sends relief supplies and food down to Coruscant.”

 

Seriously?  “Why should I feed my enemies?”  That’s counter to all of his current objectives.

 

“Jakku.  That’s why.”

 

“Alright.  It’s a deal.  And it won’t cost me anything because I’m going to win.”

 

“Sucker!  I have you now!” Rey crows as she closes in on him fast. 

 

And this is what Kylo has been waiting for.  He has his opening now.  Just a little closer.  And . . . now!  Kylo abruptly dives vertically.  The G force kicks in to shove him back in his seat as his ship whips around.  Suddenly, he’s on Rey’s tail and she’s squarely in his sights.  He fires.  Direct hit.  It’s a definite kill.

 

“What the??” Rey spits out a curse in Hutt. “Yep, you got me,” she immediately concedes.  “What did you do, Ben?  That was amazing!  You have to teach me that!”

 

“I had your pilot friend Dameron in custody once.  I picked his brain about the droid with the map to Skywalker for five minutes.  Then, I picked his brain for an hour about his skills.  He has a few skills. Not many, but a few. This was one of them.”

 

“You have to teach me that!”

 

“Not today.  You need a ship with more drag.  Like an X-wing.  Or a TIE with wings like mine.”

 

“You know, I don’t know if Poe would be proud or mad that you stole his best moves.”

 

“I hate that guy,” Kylo grouses.  And he can’t stop himself from asking now, “Is he still my mother’s favorite lapdog?”  He’s been curious about this.

 

“He’s basically her second-in-command, yes, but it’s more than that.  Poe is like a s—“  Rey stops herself.

 

“Dameron is like what, Rey?” comes his immediate follow up.

 

She hesitates.  No doubt she’s picked up on the sensitivity here.

 

“Say it!” he commands.  His tone is ugly.  “That’s an order, Lieutenant,” Kylo snaps.

 

Rey answers with a diplomatic non-answer.  “Poe became her second-in-command after Crait.”

 

No, that’s not it.  And Rey knows it.  “He’s like a son to her!” Kylo rages.  “I saw it all in that fucker’s mind!  Dameron is the hero son she wanted but didn't get.  Instead, she got me!”  Leia Organa had done more than just disown her true son, she had replaced him.  And that news had cut deep.  Very deep.

 

Silence.  Rey has nothing to say to this assertion.   She’s knows he’s right.

 

“We’re done here,” Kylo announces in clipped tones.  Now, his happy mood is lost.  “Time to head back, Rey.  I’ll see you tonight.”

 

“Okay.   Are we moving on to Palpatine Episode four?  Because I want to see that.”  Rey says this in a lighthearted way that sounds very forced.

 

“Yes.  And to Jakku,” he says grimly.

 

“Do we have to?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I don’t suppose we could do best out of three??”  Again, Rey sounds determined to lighten his mood.

 

“No.”

 

“I want a rematch then.”

 

“Alright,” he concedes.  “That would be fun.”

 

“You need more fun, Ben.”  Rey says this in a quiet way that sounds concerned and full of the compassion of the Light.  Through the Force, Kylo senses the sudden, siren call to the Light.

 

It disarms him and, with a sigh, he responds with some candid truth of his own.  “I think I just need more you, Rey.”  He decides now, “Next time we fly, I want you as my wingman.  We make a good team.”

 

“We do.”  That response makes him smile.  “You know, that red paint job is really growing on me, Ben.  It looks better in space than parked in the hangar bay.”

 

“Hux suggested I paint it.  He wasn’t subtle.”

 

“Then definitely keep it red.”

 

They are almost back to the blockade zone.  The _Finalizer_ and six other First Order star destroyers loom into view.   It’s only then when another pilot’s voice speaks over the com and Kylo realizes the comlink had been an open channel for all the other TIE pilots to hear.  None of his conversation with Rey had been private.  And that’s just one more thing to tick him off today.

 

He lands his ship, dismisses the other pilots and Rey.  Then he jams on his helmet and goes back to work.  Duty calls.


	19. Chapter 19

Episode four of the Emperor Palpatine biography series recounts the origins of the Rebel Alliance dating back to the earliest days of the Empire.  From Bail Organa and Mon Mothma to Jan Dodonna and Cham Syndulla, the various individual opposition leaders from across the galaxy worked through an atmosphere fear and infighting to slowly erect an organized movement to oppose Palpatine. 

 

Rey watches with rapt attention.  For this is a history that feels very current.

 

The show recounts how the Empire ignored the discontent at first.  Then, fearful of another Separatist Movement emerging, the Emperor cracked down hard.  Too hard.  Palpatine’s brutal tactics implemented by Lord Vader and the military regional Moffs backfired, ultimately engendering more opposition than they deterred.  And so, from the origins of the Empire, the seeds for its defeat were sown. It is an irony that is not lost on the would-be Emperor sitting at Rey’s side.

 

“This is the challenge of winning Coruscant,” Ben speaks up as they watch together on the couch.  “That is my problem in a nutshell.  How to conquer and hold onto a world without making its people hate you.”  He makes a face now at her side.  “Palpatine at least had some goodwill to fall back on from the Republic worlds of the Empire.  It was just the former Separatist worlds that were naturally inclined to oppose him at first.”  Ben sighs.  “The entire Core—even the surrendered worlds—hate the First Order now.”

 

This is the first time that Ben has ever spoken directly to her about his war and his work.  Is he looking for her opinion?  Rey isn’t trained in politics or the military, but she grew up on a barter economy world.  She lives by her wits and her ability to make deals.  So, she thinks a moment and then suggests, “Do something unexpected.  Changing things up confuses things a little.  And that makes everyone take a fresh look.”

 

He’s not following.  “What do you mean?”

 

“Maybe you should surprise Coruscant by being accommodating on something important.  And then when you have everyone’s attention, that’s when the First Order should make its pitch for how things will be better under your rule.  The Rim and the Mid Rim stand to gain the most under this new regime.  It’s Coruscant and the rest of the Core who stand to lose the most, right?  Maybe you should reassure them a bit.”

 

“They are expecting the worst from us right now.”

 

“That’s because the worst is what you are giving them.  Maybe you should lighten up some.”

 

“That makes us look weak.”

 

And that’s a concern that Rey can’t relate to.  Back on Jakku she was never too proud to appear weak.  And is it really weak if it gets you what you want in the end?  Rey shrugs.  “Compromise isn’t weak if it’s effective.”  She shoots Ben a pointed look.  “Compromise is what kept me alive on Jakku.  Sometimes winning is just surviving, you know.”

 

“The Empire only survived about twenty years,” he observes softly.

 

“Well, according to this show, it might still be around if Palpatine and Vader had done things differently and tolerated more freedom and dissent.  And then,” Rey doesn’t mince words, “a lot of people who died in the Rebellion and in your war might be alive today.”  Rey is a girl who grew up scavenging among bodies in battlefields.  From an early age, Rey had come to see war as a waste.  And she finds the fate of Hosnia, like Alderaan a generation before it, to be abhorrent.

 

They go back to watching in silence.  Much of the episode focuses on the emerging senior leadership of the Rebellion.  Many of the recollections of those famous people are told by Leia Organa herself.  For as the then teenaged daughter of Senator Bail Organa, the ingenue Princess Leia grew up steeped in the atmosphere of the Rebellion.  When it comes to famous Rebel politicians and leaders, Ben’s mother knew them all. 

 

“We don’t have to watch this episode,” Rey suggests softly partway through.  She is keenly aware that sitting beside her Ben has begun to brood.  And after the conversation earlier today about Poe Dameron, Rey wants to avoid provoking more hurt.

 

Ben meets her eyes.  He knows what she’s doing, but still he declines. “It’s worth watching, Rey.  I don’t want to make the same mistakes as the Empire this time around.  Your point is well taken.  Too many people have died for the First Order to fail.”

 

And so, they keep watching.  And Rey keeps glancing over at Ben staring mournfully at the screen as his then beautiful and articulate middle-aged mother is interviewed time and again.  Doing the rough math in her head, Rey figures that the youngish Leia Organa she is watching now is the age of the mother Ben must remember growing up.  Glancing over at Ben’s face as he watches, Rey thinks he looks like he is seeing a ghost.

 

More and more, Rey is realizing that Ben’s true nemesis was never really Luke Skywalker.  Yes, the Jedi represented a tradition Ben rejected.  And yes, adherence to that tradition had led the Jedi to resort to murder as a preemptive attempt at mercy and justice.  But Luke Skywalker was more Snoke’s fear than Ben’s, Rey suspects.  Because teenaged Ben had managed to stun his uncle without really trying and that was years ago before Ben’s powers had grown to their adult potential.

 

Han Solo also doesn’t seem to be the primary reason for Ben’s hate either.  Through the bond, Ben had essentially told Rey that his father’s murder wasn’t revenge.  That claim had confused her at the time, but she understands now that Han Solo disappointed Ben.  But Han Solo was such a distant figure that Ben couldn’t muster enough emotion to hate him.  It had been a shock for Rey to learn this afternoon that the galaxy’s famed daredevil pilot hadn’t been the one to teach his only son to fly.  That task had fallen to Luke, like so much else of the parenting, Rey suspects.  Ben and Han Solo were virtual strangers to one another when they met on Starkiller Base.  Han Solo truly had meant nothing to his son.  His murder was Ben simply following orders to prove himself to Snoke.  And if Ben had misgivings about the murder after the fact, they likely had less to do with his father and more to do with how his mother would perceive it, Rey guesses. 

 

And that is the crux of the matter.  For the overbearing person with the crushing expectations and intolerance for failure for young Ben Solo was never his absent father.  It was never his reluctant Jedi Master.  It has been his mother all along. 

 

Leia Organa was the person who sent Ben away for Jedi training, determined that her son uphold a legacy that she herself eschewed.  It was Leia Organa whose speeches on duty and sacrifice made young Ben feel like he had no choice over his own life.  It was Leia Organa who sent a half-assed hologram explanation for the lies about her parentage—but only after they were made public, of course.  And it was Leia Organa who covered up her son’s role in the massacre at the Jedi Temple by announcing he was dead.  And so, abandoned by his real father, betrayed by his surrogate father, pushed away by his busy mother, and aided-and-abetted by sly Snoke, young Ben Solo had run from everyone else’s ideas for his future and set out to blaze a path of glory all his own.

 

And yet still, all these years later, he is dogged by his mother at every turn.  Only now, she’s not just his mother.  Leia Organa is the enemy general and his arch foe and she’s on the holonet every night.  Their personal conflicts have evolved into a war and the stakes are higher than ever now.

 

And that’s because Leia Organa is something her Jedi brother was not:   she is a leader.  If there is a Skywalker who is the true heir to Lord Vader, it is his stalwart daughter.  Leia Organa’s politics and her goals may be in opposition to her father’s aims, but there is no denying that she has Anakin Skywalker’s ambition and cunning.  In her own way, through her cherished New Republic, Ben’s mother ruled the galaxy.  She is the preeminent politician of her day, a hugely controversial woman, and a very divisive champion of freedom.  And, as the only other Skywalker left standing, Leia Organa and her ideas are what little separates her son from total victory.   Ironically enough, it is Leia Organa’s own legacy that has turned out to be the yardstick that Ben Solo is driven to transcend.  He’s already stronger than Darth Vader.  But he has not eclipsed his mother yet.

 

But Rey can’t shake the feeling that in Ben Solo lives a little boy who loves his deeply disappointed mother and craves her attention and approval still.  Because it is in moments like these that Rey perceives that Ben is more hurt than angry.  For as she has come to know him more, Rey is continually struck by how truly sad the monster Kylo Ren is.  He keeps chasing glory and victory that never seems to satisfy him.

 

It invokes compassion in Rey.  And it makes Rey wonder if all Ben’s talk of destiny is really another way for him to justify his call to the Light.   He says to let the past die, but he can’t seem to follow that advice himself. 

 

When the show ends, Rey hurries to switch it off and move on. “What’s Episode 5 about?” she asks to make conversation.  At her side, Ben looks so glum.

 

“Episode 5 is all the things the Empire did well and didn’t get enough credit for.   Episode 6 is the Death Star and Alderaan.  Episode 7 is the war from Yavin to Endor to Jakku.”  He sits back and sighs.  “There you have it, Rey—the rise and fall of the Galactic Empire in seven hours.”

 

“One day they are going to make one of these documentaries about the First Order and you’ll be the star.”   She chuckles a little at the thought.  “I’ll be Rey, the girl who murdered Snoke.”

 

“No,” Ben tells her sharply.  He sits up and turns to her now.  “The girl who murdered Snoke will die in the war with the Resistance.  But Lieutenant Rey Solo of the First Order will survive the war.   She will start a new life.  She will be happy.   And no one will ever be the wiser.”

 

Rey digests this scenario a moment.  “So . . . I’m just going to change my identity and move on?”

 

“Yes.  It’s what I did.” 

 

Yes, she knows.  One day, Ben Solo, New Republic Jedi Padawan became Kylo Ren, First Order Dark Side Apprentice and the galaxy was never the same.  Next, he’s going to tell her to leave the past behind, Rey knows.  And based on his own example, that advice seems aspirational at best.  And besides, this Rey Solo business was supposed to be a disguise.  She didn’t actually join the First Order, but now it suddenly feels likes she is being shoehorned into it.  It’s making her uncomfortable.  “It’s not that simple—“

 

“I know,” Ben overrides her.  He reaches to lay his hand over hers resting on the couch.  How earnest he looks as he tries to reassure her.  “You won’t move beyond the past that quickly but it will allow others to see you differently.  And then, one day, you will begin to see yourself differently too.”

 

“I don’t know if I want that--”

 

“Change happens fast, Rey.  Sometimes it takes time for your mind to catch up with it.  And that’s okay.”

 

“But—”

 

“This way, you won’t be a wanted fugitive.  This way is a fresh start.  It will be like all that Resistance business never happened.  In time, only you and I will know.  The rest will be dead.”  Her eyes widen.  She doesn’t like the sound of that.  But Ben keeps going.  “We can make up whatever past you want.  With that Coruscant accent, you could pass for Upper Level.”

 

“Upper Level??” she frowns.  Really??

 

“This is your chance to reinvent yourself.  Don’t let the mistakes of your worthless parents dictate who you are.  You are so much more than Jakku.”

 

But Rey isn’t quite so sure.  “Jakku,” she echoes, looking down. 

 

The hand covering hers clamps down now.  “Tell me about Jakku,” Ben orders.  “I want to know what we’re dealing with here.”

 

Slowly, Rey raises her eyes to his.  She’s not going to get out of this conversation this time, she knows.  So, she’ll make it cursory and painless.  Rey speaks in a rapid fire matter-of-fact tone:  “It’s a dead-end world in the extreme Western Reaches.  There are very few people.  It’s mostly desert.  Neither the Republic nor the First Order claims it.  That’s how unimportant Jakku is.  It’s a smuggler’s hideout mostly.  And even the smugglers are usually just passing through--”

 

“I know where it is.  I know what it is.  I’ve been there.”  Ben sounds impatient.  “Now, tell me about Jakku.”

 

“That’s about it--”

 

“No, it’s not.”  He is insistent.  His hand covering hers is gripping tightly now.  “Tell me what Jakku means for you.”

 

He’s not going to let her do this the easy way.  Rey tries again.  “Jakku is . . .”  She falters, suddenly lost for where and when to begin.  So, she licks her lips starts anew.  “Jakku is . . .”  Her heart is beating faster now and she’s starting to sweat.  Rey runs her free hand through her hair, nervously tucking it behind her ear.

 

Ben just watches silently and waits for her to begin again.

 

“Jakku is a n-nowhere world . . .”  She stops to inhale a quick breath for courage.  Because Rey would rather face down all Snoke’s Praetorian guards by herself than talk about this.  But one thing she has never lacked for is courage.  “Jakku is a nowhere world for n-no-bodies l-like—”

 

“Don’t say it!” he hisses.

 

“Why not??” she glares back at him, humiliated by the tear that leaks down her right cheek.  It is quickly followed by another.  “You said it yourself!” she accuses.  “Jakku is a nowhere world for nobodies like me.  It’s full of things that other people t-throw away.  Old wrecked ships and w-worthless people.  Like me.”

 

“You’re not worthless—”

 

“Because I have the Force, is that it?” she argues.  “Because otherwise, I am completely forgettable.  And that’s what I was for years on Jakku—forgotten!  Just another desert scavenger t-trying to s-stay alive.” 

 

Her tears are flowing freely now and Rey angrily wipes at them.  But she cannot control the outflow of emotion.  This is what happens when you are someone who spends years repressing things and bottling them up.  Every now and then, that control fails you.  Usually at the most inopportune times and before the most inappropriate people.  Like tonight.

 

“D-Do you think they knew, Ben?  Do you think my parents knew that I had the F-Force and that’s why they l-left me?” she demands.  “Because they feared what I would become or what it might m-mean to them?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Because if you’re a Skywalker, then the Force is your birthright.  But for the rest of us through the years, the Force has mostly been a death sentence, you know.”  Her nose is running now and she’s a sloppy mess.  “I don’t want to talk about this,” Rey mutters as she shakes her head.  She’s ugly crying now.  It’s humiliating to be showing this weakness before the man the galaxy knows as Kylo Ren.  Her sometime enemy and sometime ally and kind of, sort of, maybe friend. 

 

“You need to talk about this,” Ben says softly.

 

“Why?” she challenges hotly.  “So you can satisfy your lurid curiosity?  So you can look down your long nose at me and call me scavenger scum?  Well, don’t bother!  Because I’ve heard that a lot through the years and those words long ago lost their sting.”  Rey is angry now.  Truly angry.  “I may not know my full name or who my parents are and why they did what they did, but I own who I am, Ben Solo.”  She glares at him through teary eyes.  “Your scorn can’t hurt me,” she proclaims with a belligerent set to her chin.  Because she’s trash, she knows it, and she doesn’t care.   She made peace with her lot in life long ago.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says gently.  His dark eyes are so full of compassion right now.  It’s a side to this very complex man that she has yet to see.  “I just want to know where you have been.”

 

“Where I’ve been?” she echoes as she hiccups.  She’s looking down at their entwined hands.  Rey isn’t sure she could put all of the desperation of her past into words.  “I don’t think that I can . . . I mean, I can’t read so you know I’m n-not good with w-words . . .”

 

“Then show me.”

 

Yes, she knew he was going to ask for that.  Rey looks away.

 

Ben takes advantage of her hesitation.  He scoots over fast and takes her in his arms.  She’s not expecting this and so she flinches and squirms a bit.  And that’s when he jumps into her mind.  “OH!”  Rey’s guard is down, her emotions are raw.  Taking advantage like this is just the sort of thing Ben would do.  This is exactly why Rey should never have shown so much weakness to him. 

 

“Get out of my head!” she growls into his chest as she instinctively begins to fight.

 

He ignores this.  “Just breathe.  Breathe and adjust to it,” he soothes her, stroking her back as he holds her in a vice grip.  “Relax into the connection.  We’ve done this before.  You know it won’t hurt if you don’t fight.”

 

“I never said—”

 

“Shhh,” he overrides her.  “This will make it easier.  I’m not hurting you, am I?”

 

“No.”  No, he’s not.  Beleaguered Rey has acquiesced.  It’s uncharacteristic of her, but tonight she has lost her fight.

 

“Good.  Then you take the lead.  Guide me back to your memories.  Show me where you have been.”

 

“How do I—”

 

“Just think back and let me see.”

 

“But—”

 

“Let me see.  I want to see.  Show me anything.  In any order.  I want to know your life before me.”

 

He’s not going to back down, Rey knows.  She had felt weak and exposed before, but now this is even worse.  How did she get herself in this position?

 

Ben is in her head, so he knows her thoughts.  “Rey, you know my story.  You know where I have been and what I have done.  So you should know that with me there is no shame.  I will not judge you.  I only want to know you.  So let me in.”

 

They have been circling one another on this topic for days and Ben has consistently dug in.  She knows he’s not going to give up.  “O-Okay,” she decides after a moment of indecision.  “I’ll t-try.” She’ll just get this over with.

 

Rey begins by showing Ben a little urchin girl, dirty and malnourished.   She runs wild in the Niima Outpost with no one to look after her.  There are no other children around.  Jakku is populated mostly by single men down on their luck or running from the law.  It’s not a place for families.  It’s a place people come to hide.  From a very young age, waif Rey is crawling into small spaces on smuggler ships to do repairs and into tight areas on old wrecks to pull scrap.  She is something like a modern-day chimney sweep crossed with an indentured slave.  Rey can’t remember a time when she didn't have a wrench in her hand.   Even at five years old, she has to earn her keep.  No one gets portions from Unkar Plutt for free.

 

When she is old enough, Rey keeps asking for answers she never receives.  Who is she?   Where is her family?   Why is she here?  It’s not so much a conspiracy of silence as it is indifference and a general reluctance to speak of the past.  For on this lawless, junkyard world, life is bleak and everyone’s past is a story they would rather forget.  On Jakku, there is no yesterday.  There is no tomorrow either, there is only today.  There is only right now.  It makes people reckless, aggressive, and cruel.  Here there is no safety net, there are no social boundaries, and there is no rule of law.  Justice comes out of the end of a blaster or it doesn’t come at all.  Mostly, the winners and losers on Jakku get decided by the whims of the Crolute junk boss Unkar Plutt.  And Plutt is as vindictive, capricious, and moody as they come.

 

“I will kill this Unkar Plutt for you,” Ben offers now like the devil himself whispering in her ear.  “I will give you justice,” he vows. 

 

And maybe she ought to be hugely flattered to have a Dark Sider offer to take revenge on her behalf.  For it seems like the ultimate endearment, almost like a pledge of love.  But Rey declines.  “If you kill him, someone else will only step in to take his place.” 

 

As usual, Ben doesn’t take no for an answer.  “I will kill him, Rey.  No one gets to hurt you and live.  Show me more,” he commands.  And she does.

 

At twelve, Rey has a slang vocabulary that would make a spacer blush and the mechanical skills to fix a hyperdrive all by herself.  She can’t read much but she has an excellent memory and she picks up languages very fast.  She is also fierce with her staff and uses it often.   By now, Rey has already killed with it once in self-defense.  She refuses to feel bad about that.  And while she is skinny and sunburnt, Rey is beginning to garner male attention at the Niima Outpost more and more.  Increasingly, Rey doesn’t like the way Unkar Plutt looks at her.  So she sets out on her own and claims the wreckage of an old Imperial AT-AT for her home. 

 

Slowly, Rey makes it livable with repurposed and hand fashioned crafts.  Rey’s entire life is a makeshift, make do world of compromises and work arounds.  She has never once owned anything new.  She is creative in her scavenging, with the ability to see the potential in almost everything.  She rigs an old flight training simulator stolen from a wreck and teaches herself to fly.  She creates from scratch a zippy landspeeder that is a patchwork of salvage.  She learns basic literacy once she coaxes a decades old Imperial datapad found in a wreck to work.  It gets her on the holonet and that is a revelation of sorts.

 

Sure, the holonet is full of escapism but it’s more than that for Rey.  It’s her window into life outside Jakku and her teacher for basic social norms.  Dazzled young Rey accepts everything she sees on the holonet as gospel truth.  So as she watches silly sitcoms about family life, she just assumes that is how regular families act.  Her fantasies of her parents, maybe even long-lost siblings, are all based on fictional characters she likes.  Rey wants to be ready for when her family comes back, so she consciously mimics her role models on the screen.  She painstakingly copies what she sees presented to her in hundreds of scripted comedies and dramas.  It’s how she picks up her incongruous Coruscant accent and how she learns Core World idioms and basic table manners.  Young Rey laps up the telenovelas in which love conquers all against all odds and she watches shows with happy endings over and over again.  Underlying it all is the fervent hope to be rescued someday by someone who will love her and give her a better life.

 

“I am that man, Rey,” Ben tells her as he wipes at the tears that keep meandering down her cheeks.  “I am the one you were waiting for all those years.  I am your destiny.”

 

Ben keeps throwing around destiny like it’s no big deal, Rey thinks.  But it’s not.  For in her girlish fantasies, if her family never came then someday her prince would come.   He would sweep her off her feet and whisk her away to a life of ease and comfort.  And here Ben is claiming to be the one, only he’s not what she expected.  He’s not handsome in any traditional sense and he’s not the good guy hero either.  He’s the violent Dark prince of the Skywalker clan and he’s offering to make her queen of the galaxy.  Until Snoke shows back up, that is. 

 

“We will be so good together,” he promises, sounding so hopeful in the moment.  “I won’t let you down.”

 

Rey doesn’t answer.  She’s still so lost in these desolate recollections.  The tide of emotions it brings up is overwhelming.

 

From age twelve on, Rey functions completely as an adult.  It’s a solitary, quiet life of living hand to mouth.  The only constant is deprivation.  For this is a girl for whom basic hygiene is a trade off with thirst.  She’s always hungry, but on a good day she’s less hungry than before.  She does whatever she can, whenever she can to survive.  Rey has very few scruples.  When criminals arrive at the Outpost with stolen ships, Rey finds work helping to strip, repaint, and disguise them.  Rey learns all the tricks of the trade to fool suspicious docking cops.  She also performs ship repairs and maintenance for smugglers passing through.  She even works for Plutt reconditioning the stolen _Falcon_ now and then. 

 

But mostly, Rey scavenges the wrecks for parts to trade for food.  It is dangerous work on many levels.  There are violent encounters with rival scavengers who stalk Rey hoping to steal her find.  There are deadly sandstorms and sinking fields and poisonous desert critters of all kinds.  There is decades old, unstable ordinance lying about that can explode without warning.  Some of the larger wrecks have still fuel leaks and gas leaks that can ignite in the heat.  And then there are the many deep cuts and scrapes, smashed fingers and bruises from wandering the crumbling battle wreckage.  The wounds go untreated and sometimes fester from the inevitable coating of sand.  Most leave scars. 

 

Viewed from above, there is a sort of majestic grandeur to the battle wreckage as the glory of the once-mighty Imperial Navy slowly rots in the desert sun.  But up close, these ships are a house of horrors.  This is a junkyard, but it is a graveyard too.  Thousands of people died in this battle, and many of them went down with their ships.  And so, there are mummified downed X-wing and TIE pilots entombed in their cockpits with their helmets still on.  There are mangled bodies strewn all about the larger wrecks.  Little Rey learns to step past them and not to look otherwise it will give her bad dreams.  She will scavenge anything mechanical but she never scavenges from the bodies.  Not the uniforms with the fabric she could use or the boots that might fit.  Not the wedding rings on skeletal fingers or the leather from the belts she could reuse.  Whether Rebel or Imperial, Rey stubbornly refuses to disturb the dead.  

 

Jakku is so remote that neither the New Republic nor the First Order bothers with it.  It is too far off the main hyperspace lanes and it’s a sparsely inhabited world.  As a result, Rey doesn’t care about politics and she’s only mildly aware of the war.  It’s all such a long way from Jakku and the only authority figure who matters around here is Plutt.  And so, before she helps out a lost droid on a whim, Rey doesn’t have a side in any of this.  Her only allegiance is to herself. 

 

“You were meant to be one of us,” Ben declares.  And truthfully, Rey’s plight ought to put her in the First Order camp for she and the rest of the impoverished Rim citizens are the archetype of its base of support.  For it is the downtrodden living on lawless worlds like Jakku who welcome the First Order’s strongarm message of law and order.  These are people willing to trade their freedom for security.  These are the Have Nots who are desperate for basic social services and educational and economic opportunity long promised but consistently denied.  “You saw firsthand the neglect of the New Republic.  Rey, circumstances like yours are why the First Order exists.”

 

She doesn’t answer.  She just shows him more.

 

There are many, many ways to die on Jakku.  But what Rey fears most is starvation.  Jakku has a barter economy and Rey has never even seen a real credit before she joins the Resistance.  The de facto currency on this desert wasteland is food.  Food is Rey’s constant concern for never are her portions plentiful enough.  Once or twice the child Rey eats sand just to fill her belly only to end up vomiting.  By the time Rey is a teen, she has come close to starvation three times.  Each time, in desperation, Rey considers all her options, even some of the more humiliating and unsavory ones.  But always, just before she is forced into prostitution or violent crime, her luck turns and she finds a meal.  Rey is grateful for what she perceives as a stroke of good fortune.  But she is far from lucky and besides, there’s no such thing as luck.  There is only the Force.   And throughout all this suffering, the Force is with Rey of Jakku.

 

Her intrinsic Light shines through.  For the lack of education, the life of petty property crimes, the near-feral upbringing, her abandonment, her physical suffering—none of these things can steal Rey’s hope.  Childishly, she clings to the hope that one day someone from her past will walk into her life with apologies and an explanation.  Then she will forgive them and live happily ever after reunited with her family.  It is a galling self-deception by an otherwise very astute girl.  It’s not a rational hope and deep down Rey knows that, but she refuses to let go.  Because the thought that this is the best life will ever be is soul-crushing to her.  Those are the nights when Rey watches the holonet with tears streaming down her face.  She’s wishing so hard that she could be the silly teenage girl with pretty clothes whose problems are which cute boy to date.   Why can’t that be me?  Rey knows the answer:  Because life isn’t fair. 

 

“You had no future on Jakku,” Ben tells her and he says this like it’s the worst thing he can possibly imagine. Because Ben lives only for his glorious future.  He has to, for he has killed his past.  “I’m so glad you found that droid,” he confesses, “so our paths could cross.”

 

All that endless waiting for her faithless family who never comes does damage.   Rey is betrayed first at her desertion and then daily by the unfulfilled supposed promise to return.  That means trust will always be hard for Rey of Jakku.  As she marks each passing day on the wall of her AT-AT home, her sense of utter abandonment grows.  It slowly gnaws at her self-worth.  For why didn’t her family want her?  Did she do something bad to make them leave her here?   What’s wrong with her that she is so alone?  Will anyone ever want her?  Will she ever have a cute boyfriend and raise a family of her own?  Her feelings of inadequacy tend to spiral down from there.  She has a lot of anger for her situation that Rey turns inward instead of acting out.   For the things she cannot explain and cannot change she tends to secretly blame on herself.   She’s a nobody from nowhere.  Her life has no purpose and no value to anyone other than herself.  And worst of all, when it is over she worries that no one will care.  It’s why Rey is so careful around the bodies in the wrecks.  Because she knows with certainty that someday she too will be an anonymous dead person in the desert on Jakku.   

 

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger in the end.  But it doesn’t make you happy.  And so, the young girl Rey starved for affection and attention grows into a young woman who has learned to keep her distance—both physically and emotionally—from everyone around her.   It’s a pragmatic way of life that keeps her alive.  But it keeps her miserable too.  All her fruitless self-delusion about her lost family similarly becomes a double-edged sword.  Rey’s hope for her family becomes her motivation in her darkest hours and her reason for self-improvement for a future yet to come.  But it is also her justification to stay on Jakku.  She’s so afraid to leave even though she knows that she should.  And but for a lost droid in the desert, Rey would still be in her AT-AT.  Lonely, abandoned and waiting for someone who will never come.

 

“Oh, Rey,” Ben whispers as he pulls her closer still.  “It’s over now.  You will never go back there.”

 

That’s what she desperately needs to hear.  It hasn’t been very long since Rey left Jakku and her life has been a whirlwind of change ever since.  And that change has been as dangerous as it was improbable.  For from the Resistance, to the First Order, to the arms of Kylo Ren, these are places Rey never thought she would end up.  The future seems so uncertain now that she’s at the epicenter of the galactic civil war and perhaps threatened by a still-alive Snoke.

 

“Go ahead.  Cry it out,” Ben whispers.  “Strong emotion is powerful.  Let it wash over you.”

 

But Rey doesn’t feel powerful.  She feels weak and she is greedy for the comfort of touch.  Any gentle touch. On Jakku, there was never anyone with a reassuring hug, never anyone to hold her tight, dry her tears, pat her head or kiss it better.  And that’s why being in this man’s arms feels so good. Yes, she knows that Ben is a monster but she needs this.  Really needs this.  And tonight, Ben isn’t putting the moves on her.  There is nothing aggressive or threatening here.  He just holds her close and she clasps him back as she soaks his shoulder with bitter tears. 

 

This is why she hadn’t wanted to talk about Jakku.  It dredges up every negative emotion she has and works hard to suppress.  Sadness, shame, regret, frustration, loneliness, anger, and despair.  This is Darkness at its very core.  Rey feels a fool now for having stayed on Jakku so long hoping against hope that someone would return for her.  She’s a strong, independent young woman who took charge of her life years ago.  She knows she should have rescued herself.  She’s not a passive sort of girl. 

 

Ben is still loitering in her mind so he knows her thoughts.  “You weren’t a fool, Rey. I understand why you held out hope.  Even when your family lets you down, it’s hard to let go.  Trust me, I know how hard it is to let go.”

 

Yes, because he can’t let go either, Rey knows.  It was written all over Ben’s face tonight as he stared mournfully at old footage of his mother.  It’s why he is jealous of Poe Dameron.   If it is so hard for Rey to let go of parents she can’t remember, then how hard must it be to let go of a mother you once loved?   Of a mother you can’t bring yourself to hate?

 

More and more, Rey understands how complicated and treacherous Ben Solo is.   When she met Han Solo she had no idea what it would mean to become entangled with this deadly family.  But it’s too late now, she is in far too deep. 

 

“If you will let me, I will be what you need.  You want a father to take care of you?  I can do that, Rey.  I can be the big brother to protect you.  I can be the hero to rescue you.   I will be every man you ever wanted but never had.”  Ben is stroking her hair now as she sags into him. 

 

“I can take care of you, Rey.” He says it again, dangling in front of her the comfort and protection Rey has always wanted but never known.  What is it about Ben Solo, about his Darkness, that she cannot resist?  Against her better judgement and the warnings of Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, she is drawn to this man.  Maybe Ben is right and she and he are more alike than she thinks.

 

She should say something in response, she should tell him that she’d rather be alone than be with him, but somehow Rey knows that would be a lie.  For the raw intensity and fervent conviction of this man are hard to resist.  And, he has that disarming honesty.  Ben is blunt about himself and about everything.  It’s something she understands coming from Jakku where everyone immediately got straight to the point.

 

“Let me be what you need,” he whispers and it is the most seductive thing she has ever heard.  “Let me be what you need and then you be what I need back.”

 

“Just hold me,” she sobs.  “Hold me, Ben.”

 

He does.  They stay there long minutes until Rey regains her composure.  Finally, she pulls back.  He slips from her mind.

 

Rey now looks over at Ben and pleads between sniffs, “Don’t starve Coruscant.  Please.  Don’t do it, Ben.”

 

He stares at her.

 

“It’s the wrong thing to do for so many reasons.  Can’t you see that these are the sorts of tactics that backfired on the Old Empire in the end?”  Rey wipes at her eyes and hiccups some more.   “Don’t do it.  This isn’t the way you want the war to end.”

 

He stares at her some more. 

 

In the awkward silence that follows, Rey rushes to explain, “If you reduce Coruscant to Jakku, you won’t achieve your goals of law and order.  There is no progress there.  Only suffering.  You don’t want to be known as the man who tore down the Core.  The First Order was supposed to reform and elevate things, right?  To make things better than before.”

 

“What’s the alternative if they won’t surrender?” he demands.

 

“I don’t know,” Rey shakes her head.  “But find another way.  There has to be another way.  You don’t want to create more Jakkus.”

 

Ben considers a long moment before he responds.  “I’ll think about it.”


	20. Chapter 20

Kylo stands propped against the wall, arms crossed, gazing at Rey from across the room.   She’s asleep now.  She cried herself to sleep.    Rey let him stay with her a while but then she chased him away, telling him she wanted to be alone.  Kylo had been expecting that.  He recognizes the need to push people away because you yourself were pushed away once.  It’s why lonely people become loners who are lonely.  These sorts of negative emotions tend to reinforce and feed on themselves.  It’s why they can be so hard to overcome. 

 

Sleeping Rey looks puffy eyed but peaceful.  Tomorrow morning, he expects she will pretend like nothing happened.  She will wake ready to face the day and soldier on, like she always has.  This girl has grit.  But look deeply and she is plagued by Darkness that she resolutely pushes aside. Like he himself repeatedly hears the call to the Light that he resists.  Each of them is scarred from their upbringing.  Hurt by rejection, crippled by loneliness, dogged by self-doubt.  His response was to act out and to punish others but Rey’s response was to internalize it all and to punish herself.

 

Rey is him from a vastly different set of circumstances, Kylo knows now.   What would Snoke have turned Rey into if he had the chance?   

 

Kylo can’t help himself as he looks longingly at her.  He had wanted Rey for his consort before, but now he knows he needs her.  For as he suspected all along, Rey is perfect for him.  Kylo is certain that she is the only woman who will ever understand him.  She is sent to him by the Force, she knows all his family secrets, she had the balls to confront his Master, and she will help him balance the Force.  His instincts in Snoke’s throne room were spot on.  Because, Gods, this woman is perfect for him.   

 

All he has to do now is convince her of that. 

 

But there are not words enough to soothe her years of pain, he knows from his own experience.  Besides, Rey doesn’t trust him.  She may never fully trust him or anyone else for that matter.  And talk is cheap.  Actions will be what count.   He needs to impress Rey and to keep impressing her.   This girl will need to be chased. 

 

He looks a few minutes longer before he jams on his helmet, collects his weapon, and departs. 

 

He marches through the _Finalizer_ ’s corridors to a place he has never been before.  It’s the giant recreation room for enlisted personnel.  It’s after the dayshift dinner hour but not yet lights out so the room is crowded and abuzz.  There are groups of men huddled around dejarik tables and foursomes playing sabacc.  In the corner, several pairs of female nurses still in scrubs are playing lively rounds of ping pong.  Across the room, a large group is cheering on a pod race playing on a big screen.  And everywhere there are couples seated close on couches or standing very close in deep conversation.  There looks to be a suspicious amount of forbidden fraternizing between the sexes of his crew, he notes.  Kylo is not at all surprised.  And who is he to judge?  He himself has a woman secretly living in his rooms.

 

It takes a moment when he walks in for anyone to recognize that he’s there.  But once Kylo is spotted, the news is a visible ripple across the room as suddenly people point, whisper, and stare.  Then chairs scrape back and a hush falls as everyone stands to their feet and snaps to attention.   The only sounds in the room are the sportscaster calling the pod race and a wayward bouncing ping pong ball.

 

This is the reception he’s expecting.  And as the Supreme Leader of the First Order, it is his due.

 

Slowly, Kylo walks around inspecting the troops at leisure.  Then, he marches to the center of the room and demands a show of hands for who among them are enlisted personnel.  About half of the room responds.  The rest are conscripts, it seems.  Kylo picks out ten enlisted men and women at random.  Based on their attire, they represent a sampling of the jobs on his ship.  One by one, he asks them the same three questions:   Where are you from?  Why did you enlist?  What is the goal of the Order?   I will know if you lie, Kylo warns them sternly.  So tell the truth.

 

Where are you from?  Half turn out to be from the Rim, some from the poorest outer reaches.  The rest are from middle class Mid Rim worlds.  As he suspects, none are from the Core.

 

Why did you enlist?   That’s where the answers begin to vary.

 

_I needed a job.  I’ve got kids to support._

_My brother is in the Order.  He convinced me to join up._

_I wanted to see the galaxy and get out of the Rim.  Things are bad in the Rim, Sir._

_My old man was a stormtrooper for the Empire. He said it was a good gig._

_The Order gave me training I couldn’t afford on my own. When my enlistment is up, I’ll have the credentials and experience to get a job in a civilian hospital anywhere._

_I admire General Hux._

_I had some warrants back home. When I got picked up, the judge gave me a choice:  enlist or serve time._

_My family has always supported the Empire. This is who I am._

_I wanted to be part of a good cause.  I guess you could say I’m an optimist, Sir.  I want to do my part to make a difference._

_The money is good.  And fixing TIE fighters sure beats moisture farming on Tatooine._

 

What is the goal of the Order?  Each of the men and women knows by heart the often-repeated recruiting catch phrase: to make the galaxy great again.  But Kylo isn’t here to listen to marketing slogans.  What do those words mean to you personally, Kylo drills down. 

 

 _It means when we win, things will get better back home_. 

 

 _My kids will get a better life than I did.  That’s worth the sacrifice, Sir_.

 

_We’ll have the Empire back.  It will be the good old days again soon.  Just like under Palpatine._

_The Rim will someday be as nice as the Core_.   

 

 _Less corruption and more opportunity for all_.

 

 _The Core will finally share its wealth so the rest of us will get our due_.  _For years,_ _I paid a lot of taxes to the Republic and got nothing in return._

 

 _Things will be better for everyone.  The galaxy will once again be unified from the Rim to the Core_. 

 

And there it is, stated tersely by nervous personnel who keep glancing at his sword on his waist.  In thickly accented Basic and in plainspoken words, here is the hope that underlies even the First Order.  Snoke might spout sarcastic rhetoric about snuffing out hope in the galaxy but both he and Kylo knew that is an impossible task.  Hope is everywhere.  The Light is everywhere.  Even in the First Order’s lowest ranks. 

 

These peoples’ means might be Dark, but their ends are Light.  And that is a telling statement about the desperation that pervaded most of the galaxy during the Republic years.  It’s why after thirty years of misery ordinary good people are motivated to take up arms and cheer on atrocities like Hosnia.  His officer corps might be full of Imperial Exiles looking to reclaim the glory of their parents’ day, but the rank and file of the First Order signed up because this was their best chance for positive change.  These people believe the slick promotional spots that play incessantly on the holonet.   They cheer on General Hux’s overblown speeches because he gives their anger a voice.   And, Kylo suspects, most of them feel driven to this war as a last resort. 

 

No one in this room thinks that they are the bad guy, Kylo instinctively knows.  Everyone wants things to be better.  And they don’t hate the Core so much as they want to be the Core.  One and all, they are hoping for a better life.

 

This is what Leia Organa and the Resistance get wrong when they vilify their opposition with a broad brush.   Not all conflicts are neatly described as good versus evil.  Life is far too complicated for that. And not all people are so easily summarized that way either.   Certainly not himself.  He wishes his mother could see that.  He wishes the galaxy could see that too.  But for years now, Kylo Ren has simply been known as Leader Snoke’s chief enforcer with the scary mask and the red sword.   But he’s the Leader now.  It’s time to take control.  It’s time to be his own man.

 

Looking around the room, Kylo sees that these people are not Rey from Jakku.  They are more fortunate than she, but less fortunate than most.  But Rey ended up in the Resistance, and they chose the First Order.   That’s how fluid and individualized the allegiances in this war can be.  Sure, these people are all from the Rim, not from the Core.  But still, perhaps there is an opportunity here.  Negotiations aren’t the First Order’s style.  Ultimatums are more their thing.  But maybe it’s worth a try.  Lately, in all things, Kylo Ren has been craving new thinking.

 

He has heard what he came to hear.  Kylo dismisses everyone to at ease and then heads for the door.  Then he summons his senior staff to a conference room upstairs immediately.

 

By the time he enters the room, his lead generals are all assembled and waiting.  Kylo tears off his helmet as he enters.  He plunks it down hard on the table as he stands looming over the room.  “I want a new plan for Coruscant,” he informs them bluntly as he scans his key subordinates one by one.  “What we are doing isn’t working and it’s counterproductive in the long run.  Give me a carrot and a sharp stick, not just a stick.  We need to give Coruscant an incentive to join us.” 

 

Hux frowns.  As usual, he is the first to speak.  “Perhaps we should give our current strategy more time.”

 

Did the general not hear what he just said??  As usual, his contrary second-in-command borders just shy of insolence.  Kylo shoots him down flat.  “No.  I don’t want people starving to death.” 

 

“It will be effective,” Hux points out.

 

“Only in the short term.  We destroyed the Republic to make the galaxy great again.   Not to tear down its best functioning, wealthiest, most vibrant worlds.    By alienating Coruscant and the rest of the Core we risk laying the groundwork for a new Rebellion.”  Kylo shoots Hux a withering look.  “I want this cycle of civil war to end!” Kylo growls.  “We can kill our way to victory but we cannot kill our way to unity. The First Order was conceived to make things better not worse.”  He looks around the room now at the faces of his mostly middle-aged commanders.  The entire First Order is under age fifty and these men grew up during the Empire days.  So he reminds them, “A generation ago, Coruscant was the capital of the Empire.  This is a homecoming for us, not an enemy planet to raze.”

 

The room is silent for a moment.  Probably because it is rare for Kylo Ren to give such a lengthy speech.  Usually, his generals make the speeches and he makes the decisions yes or no.

 

“Well, this is certainly a change of heart,” Hux observes in his obnoxious accent.  Somehow the posh Coruscant Upper Level tones that sound so pert and intelligent coming from Rey’s mouth are exceedingly grating coming from the general. 

 

“It is a return to our original principles,” Kylo responds in a tone that does not invite further debate.

 

Hux doesn’t take the hint.  “Leader Snoke himself approved these plans.”

 

“Leader Snoke is dead,” Kylo hisses. 

 

The look Hux flashes in response is almost smug.  It makes Kylo extra suspicious of him.

 

“Leader Snoke is dead,” Kylo repeats emphatically.  “But his ideas and his goals live on.” 

 

“Yes,” Hux fairly purrs.   “Snoke is dead.  Killed by the Resistance girl.  Tell us, Ren, why didn’t the girl kill you when she had the chance?”

 

This is classic Hux.  Insinuating and smarmy.  Kylo stares hard at Hux and Hux’s icy blue eyes stare back.  The room is utterly silent.  Everyone present knows that there is no love lost between these two men.

 

Hux is undeterred.  Of late, he has been especially bold.  The general stands now as he presses for a confrontation.  “Why did the girl leave you alive and unconscious on the floor after she carved Snoke into pieces?  Tell us, Supreme Leader, why did you escape with your life?”

 

They have an audience of his most senior leaders and that’s forcing Kylo to respond with words instead of just his sword.  For while he would dearly love to separate Hux from his head, now is not the time or the place.  So Kylo forces down his rage.  He cannot afford to alienate these men.  He needs a reasonable answer.  And he dare not look defensive. 

 

So Kylo explains in even tones as logically as possible.  “The girl probably thought I was dead.  And she must have known the plan was for the Resistance to launch their cruiser to hyperspace through our fleet.  She wanted out of there fast so she would live.”

 

“And how did she take on the whole Praetorian guard alone and survive?” Hux demands. 

 

“Because she’s a vigilante trained by Luke Skywalker himself,” Kylo retorts.   His namedropping Luke Skywalker is very intentional.  All of the men present know how wary old Snoke was of his uncle.  And they all know that his uncle took down the Death Star and then the Empire almost singlehandedly.  “That girl is very, very dangerous,” Kylo warns.  “The Jedi should not be underestimated.”

 

“And yet, she surrendered without incident to our troopers and was brought back to this very ship just weeks ago.  Where, if memory serves, Supreme Leader, you declined to execute her on the spot.” 

 

Again, Kylo forces down his rage.  It takes real effort for he is not big on self-control.  Army Hux would never have dared to confront Snoke in this fashion.  But if Kylo loses his cool, it will just feed into the whispers that he is unstable and unfit to rule.  His years of public tantrums are coming back to haunt him these days.  Kylo knows he does not have the respect and loyalty of his officer corps.  He only has their fear.  So tonight, he must walk a fine line. 

 

“The girl was to be interrogated first.   She was always going to die, General, but she was going to talk first.  And peaceful surrender is a favorite Jedi tactic.  Skywalker did it to Vader to get to Palpatine.  She did it me to get to Snoke.  Now, sit down, General,” Kylo orders curtly.  “Our topic is Coruscant.”

 

Hux lingers on his feet a few seconds too long and that prompts Kylo to bark at him, “Need I remind you that we are only having this conversation because the Starkiller is lost?  Coruscant is only an issue because you failed at your last command!” Kylo roars, doing his best imitation of Snoke.  He's about to summon the Force to cast lightning when Hux sits down, looking sullen and far from contrite.

 

Someone else speaks up now. “What do you suggest we do for Coruscant, Supreme Leader?” 

 

“Something unexpected,” he answers, borrowing a page from Rey’s playbook.  “Get thinking.  Give them some things they like and some they won’t.  Make it a mixed bag that their leadership will need to debate.”

 

“Are you suggesting that we appease them?  That we negotiate?” Another voice speaks up. 

 

Kylo dismisses this concern.  “Call it whatever you want.  I want to control the Core and to do it in a way that maximizes our chances of long term success.  I don’t want to be occupying the Core under martial law years from now.   You have your orders.  Get to work.”

 

With one last glare at Hux, Kylo takes his leave.   

 

When he’s back in his quarters, Rey is still asleep.  She’s restless now, he sees, as Kylo watches her toss and turn.  He too is unsettled.  Frustrated by his confrontation with Hux and more uncertain than ever about the future.  So Kylo goes where he always goes when things feel bleak:  to his grandfather.  He steps into his meditation room, removes his mask, and sits down. 

 

Usually, he’s here to confess his call to the Light, to seek solace from another man who knew what it meant to be a conflicted Chosen One.  But now, Kylo is realizing that he needs his grandfather’s advice for so much more.  Vader had commanded the Imperial Navy, so he presumably dealt with his share of problematic underlings.  Were there any among the Imperial officer corps who did not grant his grandfather the proper respect?   If so, short of choking them to death, what was his remedy?  And did Lord Vader have to listen to conference rooms full of self-important men sit around the Death Star bickering amongst themselves?  Back then, were the Imperial elites as competitive and backstabbing as the First Order commanders are now?  Men are men and war is war, so likely not much has changed in thirty years.  And that makes Kylo certain that his revered grandfather would have the right answers.  If only, Kylo thinks to himself for the umpteenth time, Lord Vader were actually here.   Because things are very real now that Kylo Ren is the Supreme Leader. 

 

He’s got Snoke out there somewhere, somehow no doubt plotting his downfall.  He has Hux bold enough to openly question his decisions and cast aspersions on his legitimacy to rule.  He has his mother trying to rekindle a last-ditch effort at a Resistance.  And he has the two most prosperous worlds of the Core standing defiantly against his armies.  And that’s just the beginning of his long list of problems.  But one topic rises to the forefront of them all as he concentrates in the Force. 

 

“Grandfather, I met this girl . . .”

 

Vader would understand, right?  After all, he had a wife.  Kylo has seen old pictures on the holonet of his grandmother, Lord Vader’s doomed queen.  He’s read all there is to know about her Senate career and her role thwarting the Invasion of Naboo.  But he knows nothing about the real woman she was.  Padme Amidala has always struck him as high minded and high maintenance with her fussy dresses and elaborate coiffures.  But that’s just a guess.  And besides, his grandmother couldn’t have been too proper since she did marry a Jedi in secret.

 

Kylo gets straight to the heart of the matter.  “I offered her everything and she turned me down.  And now, she’s sleeping on my couch . . . “  Kylo still isn’t sure what to make of it. Rey is not his girlfriend.  But are they even friends?  Are they anything other than convenient allies?   He needs Lord Vader to respond with some insight of his own, so Kylo reaches out a hand to touch the mask.  Yes, tonight his plea for guidance will be rewarded by the Force.  Kylo sighs with pleasure as he relaxes into the moment and lets the vision overtake his mind.

 

_He’s still more boy than man, childish in his headstrong, sometimes selfish ways.  And he is completely smitten.  If you are suffering as much as I am, he begins.  But the object of his affection cuts him off.  His Padme is older, wiser, and angry at his puppy dog devotion.  You listen!  We live in a real world.  Come back to it.  You’re studying to become a Jedi Knight.  I’m a Senator.  This will take us to a place we cannot go.  Her words say no but her eyes and her dress say yes.  That’s all the encouragement he needs.   This slave boy does not lack for ambition and so days later he gets his queen in bed.  She thinks it’s a fling, he thinks its forever.  A lot happens in a short time and suddenly they are standing to pledge their commitment before a priest.  It isn’t legal.  It can’t be legal because that’s too much of a risk.  And so, their romantic secret marriage means nothing but it means everything to them.  Hours later, the groom kisses the bride goodbye and heads off to war._

_They are forced to live separate lives, but the reunions are sweet.  He sneaks into her swanky rooftop apartment under cover of night and brings her to screaming, sweating ecstasy.  In the morning, she tends to nag and preach, and he’s frustrated and angry too.  These are hard times, confusing times, for everyone.  He’s tired of living a lie and growing more and more dissatisfied with the Jedi Order.  She’s worn down by the complex duplicity of politics, for truth really is the first casualty of war.  She no longer knows who to trust and what to think.  There are days she sympathizes a great deal with the enemy.  Everything once firmly believed seems up for question these days.  It is scary in a very fundamental way.  And then, just when the war is at its peak and their young marriage is at its most strained and distant, she gets pregnant._

_It is a game changing oops._ _This isn’t the first unplanned pregnancy to rock an already shaky relationship and to forever change lives, but it is the first to bring down a Republic.  For news like this ripens latent conflicts fast.  People start making decisions and choosing sides and then suddenly it’s ‘us’ and ‘them.’  And if you’re not with me, you’re my enemy now.  The relationship is young and so are they.  Far too young to comprehend the roles that they play and the consequences at stake.  He whines and rages, but the Jedi Order isn’t holding him back.  He just wants too much.  And no matter what she says, his Padme wants more status and respectability than being a disgraced Jedi’s baby mama.  She has a family friendly image to uphold after all—she’s a Senator of the Republic and a role model.  This is never the way things were supposed to be but it’s far too late to back out now.  They are learning fast what any longtime married person will tell you--that love is not enough to stay together.   It takes a lot of patience and compromise.  And that’s assuming your union has the support of family and friends and isn’t a betrayal of all your ideals and viewed as something akin to a crime against the Force._

_This man loves with a possessive, obsessive, childlike love.  He is needy and stunted by the trauma of leaving home at age nine.  And so, his Padme is wife, mother, lover, big sister, and friend.   She is every person he could ever invest in emotionally now that he has begun to pull away from Obi-Wan.  He simply can’t lose her or his life will end.  So when the dreams start to come again, like with his mother, he is spooked.  Truly afraid of what they portend.  He won’t lose her like he lost his mother.  And that’s when everything falls apart.  One bad decision can limit your options, two bad decisions can ruin your life, but a series of bad decisions made in desperation can lead to the Dark Side.  He goes willingly, ready to sacrifice his soul to keep her alive.  It is the ultimate expression of his love.  But she, unfortunately, will never recognize it as such.  All she sees is selfishness and violence.   Instead of bringing them together, it drives them apart._

_In all the finger pointing, his struggle gets lost.  For as he swings a sword through friends and colleagues, as he cuts down children who leap to greet him because they think they are saved, he tells himself this is for her.  This will save her.  They will be happy again now.  But even then, part of him knows he has fallen for a lie.  But it’s the only hope he has, so he goes with it.  He’s no fool, he has his own agenda in this.  If he is turning Dark, then he plans to excel at it.  He’s through reporting to a Master who will dictate his life.  He is more powerful than the Chancellor and he can overthrow him.  Then, he and Padme can rule the galaxy together and live happily ever after on their own terms.  There will be no one left alive to wag their finger and judge._

_But she turns him down.  She is resolute and resigned as tears run down her face.  First the Jedi turned against him and now she does too.   It is the ultimate betrayal for he has done this all for her.  And this is how she repays him?   There is a lesson here:   No one will stand by him.  Everyone leaves him.  No one cares enough to believe in him and stick around while times are bad.  In the rush of hopelessness and rage that follows, the newly minted Sith attempts to kill the pregnant wife he loves.  For as he catches sight of his Jedi Master come to confront him, he panics.  Reflexively, he decides he will destroy her, and him, and all of it.  He will burn the galaxy down as punishment for his hurts.  But in the end, it is he himself who burns.  And he didn’t mean it.  Oh, Padme, I am sorry and I didn’t mean it.  But it is too late.  She’s dead.  And, along with her, the man he once was._

_Love is gone forever for him.  All that is left is power now.  But it’s not enough power to overthrow his Master, so he is an Apprentice once again.  He is watched carefully and kept on a short leash.  His new Master knows to fear him and his longtime duplicity.  First, he deceived the Jedi.  Now, will he deceive the Sith?  His wary Master takes no chances and keeps his secrets close.  Still, the Force is ever with the Skywalkers, for only a loser bets against the Chosen Ones.  All three of them now.  He who controls the Chosen One controls it all, but this Skywalker is done being controlled.  For once more, his needy heart has again found hope, this time in the form of an unexpected son.  As he hurls his Master down a reactor shaft to save the boy he does not know, he willingly sacrifices once again.  For if there is one truth about this famous man among the myriad of rumors, war stories, and misinformation, this is it:  whether Dark or Light, Anakin Skywalker, the great Dark Lord Darth Vader, was a fool for love.  For first, he threw away the Republic for his wife.  Then, he threw away the Empire for his son._

 

“OWWWW!”

 

Kylo blinks back to the present, jerking his hand back from the mask as he whirls around.  He knows that voice.  It’s Rey.  He leaps to his feet and exits the room, crossing to where she lays on the couch.  Her restless sleep is a full-blown nightmare now.

 

This again??

 

“Ahhh, that hurts . . . that hurts . . . “ she moans aloud.

 

“Rey!  Wake up!”  He’s not going to let her sleep through this whatever it is.  “Wake up!”  He jostles her shoulder and she screams bloody murder at his touch. 

 

“Oh, Gods, no--that hurts!  That hurts!  Don’t touch!”

 

“What?”  He’s confused. 

 

And now Rey comes awake with a start as she abruptly sits up to cradle her left arm protectively.  “Don’t touch!” she hollers at him as she blinks fast.

 

“Rey, it was just a dream.  You’re not hurt.  You’re fine.”

 

She’s frantically looking at her left forearm now and flexing her wrist.  “Yeah . . .” she breathes out.  “Yeah . . .   You’re right.  It was just a bad dream.”

 

“Jakku again?”  This wasn’t Snoke, he knows.

 

“Yes,” she nods.  “I guess after earlier tonight, I have it on my mind.”  She’s still looking over her arm to reassure herself.  “When I was a kid, I fell in a wreck and broke my arm.  I had to set it myself.  I still dream about that sometimes.”

 

Kylo makes a face.  It’s just one more detail of this girl’s hard life that he would rather not know.  And that’s when he makes a split decision.  He sinks down on the couch and surprises her by gathering her close and cupping her face with his hands.  He needs to do this fast before the dream fades from her memory. 

 

“OH!” she gulps as once again Kylo jumps headlong into her mind.  “Ben, what are you—”

 

“Show me the dream.”

 

It’s images, really.  Just emotions and pain.  Kylo concentrates hard now and then orders, “Show me the memory too.”

 

“Ben, what—that felt---”

 

“Show me.”

 

She does.  Unconscious thirteen-year-old Rey wakes from a bad fall in a wreck with a grossly fractured left wrist.  It’s a Tuesday and the itinerant medic who wanders the farflung circuit of villages on Jakku has just come to the Niima Outpost yesterday.  That means he won’t be back for six days.  So Rey takes matters into her own hands.  And, fuck, Kylo squirms.  This hurts even to watch.  He concentrates hard again.  Then, he retreats from her mind and releases her.   Rey will remember nothing now of the dream or the underlying memory.  It has all been erased with the Force.

 

“What just happened?” Rey asks him fearfully, looking confused.  “That felt so . . . so odd . . .”

 

He looks her in the eye and levels with her.  “I used the Force to block the memory that gave you the bad dream.” 

 

“Oh.”   She looks to him and her eyes widen. “You can do that?”

 

“Yes.  But only sparingly,” he warns.  “Rey, our experiences matter, both good and bad.  But you didn’t need that one.”  No one needs to remember suffering like that, he thinks.  Rey will never move beyond the past if her subconscious continually reminds of the worst of it.  And maybe erasing this incident is a meaningless gesture, but it’s the only way he knows to help heal her trauma.  If only, she would let him love her, then perhaps he could heal her larger problem.  His larger problem too.

 

“Wait--what was it?  I don’t remember it now.”

 

“That’s the point,” he reassures her.  “Now go back to sleep.”  Feeling bold, he kisses her softly on the forehead.  She’s too bewildered to resist or object.  “I’ll see you in the morning.”


	21. Chapter 21

She is not in the First Order.  Rey tells herself this as she spends most of the afternoon aimlessly wandering the uppermost decks of the _Finalizer_.  She needs to think and she can’t do it holed up in Ben’s quarters. 

 

She is definitely not in the First Order. 

 

Is she in the First Order?  

 

More and more, Rey worries that she is.  She lives on its flagship in the quarters of the Supreme Leader himself.  She wears its uniform and conspires with Kylo Ren to balance the Force.  Her sympathies may lie with the Resistance and with its democratic values of liberty and civil rights.  But survivor Rey knows that Leia Organa and her few remaining diehards are a lost cause.  And she agrees with Ben’s assessment that there is no point in pursuing more violence in the name of the Force.   That will only repeat the cycle of extreme Light and Dark that leads the galaxy back to this same flashpoint each generation.

 

So where does that leave her?   Rey had thought herself to be allied with Ben to seek a middle ground path forward.  But lately she worries that she is only repeating her mistake in Snoke’s throne room by once again aiding and abetting Kylo Ren’s rise to power.  It hasn’t escaped Rey’s notice that her being here has effectively neutralized her influence in the war.  She’s spinning her wheels wasting time with old Jedi texts.   They are no closer to balancing the Force.  And now apparently, Ben has it all planned out.  He’s going to fake the death of the Resistance Jedi girl who killed Snoke and then Lieutenant Renata Solo will live on.   Yes, it solves a problem for Rey, but it also neatly brands her in his camp.  And that makes her uncomfortable.  Rey is Team Ben Solo when it comes to opposing Snoke and balancing the Force.  But she’s not about to sign up for the First Order’s violent fascist future courtesy of Team Kylo Ren.

 

The problem is that she’s getting far too comfortable hanging out with Ben.  She’s never spent so much time around any one person before.  Ben doesn’t crowd her.  He doesn’t talk too much.  When he does talk, it’s mostly about the Force.  Clearly, he would be a great teacher if she ever took him up on his offer.  He is far more interesting than anything in Luke’s dusty old books.  And that dreamy look in his eye when he speaks of the Force is compelling in and of itself.  Every night, Rey looks forward to Ben walking through the door so they can talk about it.

 

But the Force isn’t the whole of it.  For at times, Ben is disarmingly kind.  This is what she saw in Ben that night on Ahch-To when they touched hands and Luke blew up her hut.  This is what had her rushing off to confront Snoke.  This same empathy and caring.   This familiar neediness.  This lonely, adrift soul.  Ben Solo keeps drawing her in and that man is so hard to reconcile with Kylo Ren who rules the galaxy with unchecked rage and a clenched fist.  Is she a fool being manipulated?   Or is she seeing the real man beneath the mask?   Or maybe this is just more evidence of how conflicted he is—for he is simultaneously part Ben Solo and part Kylo Ren.  Maybe all of it is him—both the good and the bad.

 

And what does that make Rey for helping him?  She still isn’t sure.   

 

Rey knows now from Luke Skywalker’s experience how hard it can be to know if you are doing the right thing.  For you can easily fool yourself into believing that what you do is right because you are well intentioned.  And if it isn’t right, where does that leave you?  Luke had died as he had lived, a Jedi to the end.  But a Jedi who proclaimed that his calling in life needed to end.  So what’s next for the Light?  Rey can’t help squirming when she thinks of how disapproving Luke and his sister would be about what she has done.  Is her alliance with Ben Solo betraying the ideals of the Light or moving them forward to a new generation?  That is the pressing question.  For Rey feels a keen sense responsibility to the Light.  She worries that she is thinking with her heart these days and not with her head.  Dare she say it?   Is she forming an attachment?

 

Well, whatever she and Ben are, she’s not in the First Order.  She’s definitely not joining the First Order, Rey thinks as she boards yet another crowded elevator.

 

“I’m going to cry.  I know I’m going to cry.”  A woman wearing a tech’s outfit standing next to Rey speaks to another female colleague at her side.  They must be talking about the Starkiller war memorial service that Rey has seen advertised around the ship. 

 

“Me too.  All those poor people.  They never even had a chance.”

 

“Like on Hosnia,” the first woman sighs.

 

“Yeah.  It’s a shame that happened.  But we did that to win the war fast.  So fewer people would die in the long run.  It was a regrettable necessity like the old Leader’s spokesman said.”

 

“I know.  And it’s not like the Republic didn’t have it coming.  But we’re supposed to be better than they are, right?”

 

“We are better than they are.  It’s not even close.  Hey, my supervisor said that his boss told him that General Hux will be giving a speech at the memorial.  You know that will be great.” 

 

“He’s so dreamy.  I could listen to him talk all day.  Is the new Leader coming?”

 

“I hope so.  Hux saved Ren off the Starkiller, did you hear?”

 

“Everyone knows Hux is a hero.  So my friend on third shift said that her boyfriend was on Crait and he saw Kylo Ren with his mask off.   Ren took his mask off to fight the Jedi.  It was old-fashioned hand-to-hand combat with laser swords like in the olden days.”

 

“I love that Kylo Ren fought the Jedi all by himself.   That was so brave.  And so him.  He may be crazy but he’s always on the frontlines down with the troops.  Too bad the Jedi cheated.  You can’t trust those guys.  So . . .  is the Leader dreamy too under his mask?”

 

“All I know is he’s got a scar right down the middle of his face.  He got it fighting the Jedi woman, I think.  He was trying to keep her from killing Leader Snoke when that rebel bitch slashed his face.”

 

“I hope they catch that girl and bring her to justice.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Then the elevator door opens and Rey hurries to get off.  It’s time to go back to Ben’s quarters, she decides abruptly.  Pulling her uniform cap low and walking purposefully, Rey strides back.  Soon, she’s at the door, ready to wave a hand at it to unlock it with the Force.  But she’s still somewhat lost in her thoughts, so the loud voice that interrupts them takes Rey completely by surprise.

 

“Freeze!”

 

Startled, Rey looks up immediately in the direction of the voice.  First, she sees the gun pointed squarely at her chest.  Then, she sees the man.  She instantly recognizes him from the holonet.  It’s General Hux. 

 

“Hands up.”

 

Rey warily complies.  She stares at the tall, slim zealot who had once presented her to Ben for execution.  Does he recognize her as the Resistance Jedi girl?  Is she busted again? 

 

“Explain your actions, Lieutenant!”

 

Lieutenant.  He thinks she’s a Lieutenant.  Rey’s mind starts racing to concoct a believable tale. But she hesitates too long and now she sees further suspicion dawn on Hux’s face.

 

“Report, Lieutenant!  Explain why you are here on a maximum security restricted corridor outside these quarters.  And do not tell me you are lost.”  Before she can answer, Hux barks into a comlink and orders security to join them immediately.

 

Rey’s eyes grow wide.  Is she about to be arrested?  She launches into an explanation fast.  “These are the quarters for the Supreme Leader.  Right, Sir?” she stammers.  “I am an assistant to the Supreme Leader for Intelligence Matters.”

 

“I’ve never seen you before.  Where is your ID?” Hux snaps.

 

With one hand still upraised, Rey reaches into her jacket to fish out her official identification.  She unhooks it and offers it over for inspection.

 

“Lieutenant Renata Solo, Special Assistant for Resistance Intelligence Matters,” the general reads aloud.  He looks up and his eyes narrow.  “You were the woman he took flying last week, yes?”

 

How did he know about that, Rey wonders.  But she dares not lie, for Hux obviously knows the truth.  “Yes, Sir.  He ordered me to accompany him, Sir.”

 

“And here you are now.  What brings you here, Lieutenant?  Have you been summoned again?”  Hux looks her over thoughtfully.  He still has his weapon aimed squarely at her chest.  “Ren is on the bridge.  He does not normally conduct business from his quarters.  This is a highly restricted area, Lieutenant.  Trespassers are to be shot on sight after what happened to Leader Snoke.”

 

“Yes, Sir.  I know, Sir.  But this is a special case, Sir.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“It’s need to know, Sir,” Rey improvises, searching for something, anything to say next.  She tries to look as contrite and professional as possible as she punts to Ben.  “Leader’s order’s, Sir.  He can explain.”

 

“There is no intelligence that is above my paygrade.  The head of Intel reports to me,” Hux hisses.  “Now, report!”

 

Uh oh.  Rey starts to spin a tale.  “I was embedded with the Resistance for some time, Sir,” Rey goes with the cover story Ben had concocted.  “I still have contacts there.  That’s how I got this.”  In desperation, she fishes into her pocket for the datafile with Leia Organa’s memoirs.  Rey holds it up for display.  “Sir, this is exceptionally valuable.  One of a kind.  For his eyes only.”

 

That’s the wrong thing to say.  The general neatly nabs the datafile as four stormtroopers march at double time around corner. They must be the security Hux called for.  “Cover her,” the general orders as he holsters his own weapon.  Digging into his long coat, he produces a datapad and plugs in the datafile. 

 

Rey has never actually looked at the memoirs Ben’s mother gave her.  She didn’t see the point, for no doubt it’s a long prosy tome that Rey will struggle to read.  For weeks now, she’s kept the file on her person at all times, wanting to share it with Ben but uncertain whether that is the right thing to do.  Rey fears how he might receive it.  And she fears yet again betraying Leia Organa’s trust.  But here she is handing it over to General Hux himself.

 

Rey watches as Hux pokes at the datapad.  Does he know what he is reading?  Isn’t it obvious?  He pokes again and now Rey realizes to her horror that the datafile contains an introductory hologram message.  To her.  Rey watches as the elegantly robed figure of Leia Organa in her trademark elaborate hair speaks aloud.

 

_Rey, I’m giving you this because I know that you will safeguard it.  You are the future of the Light.  With Luke gone, you may well be the hope for us all.  I’m giving copies to Threepio and to Poe as well.  Use this, share this, learn from this.  It is mostly a record of my mistakes and missteps, but there are a few things to be proud of too.  It wasn’t all bad, even if it ended badly.  I tried.  Truly, I did._

 

_I’ve told you this before, but I will say it again:  be careful of Ben.  There are many reasons why Ben is the way he is.  I am partly to blame, as are Luke and Han.  It wasn’t all Snoke.  But with Snoke gone, who knows what Ben will become.  Stay far away from him.  Don’t trust him.  Don’t try to redeem him again.  Kill him if you need to.  Ben has had his chances—probably more than he deserved.  My son is gone, and I accept that.  If he changes, it won’t be because anyone persuades him.  It will be because he himself wants to change._

 

_Two generations ago, the Empire rose and what remained of the Jedi went into hiding.  That is my advice to you now.  Learn what you can.  Pass it on.  And keep the spirit of the Jedi alive.  Trust in the Force that things will one day come full circle again and the dark times will end.  Luke believed that our father ultimately came to embrace the Light again.  Maybe someday, Ben will do the same.  But that is not your responsibility, Rey.  You can’t save him.  Only he can save himself._

_May the Force be with you always_.  _Godspeed, Rebel Rey_.

 

The hologram fuzzes out.  And then begins to play again.  This time, Hux ignores it.  He’s focused entirely on Rey.

 

“Rey.  The Jedi girl’s name is Rey,” Hux says grimly as he glances down at the fake ID for Renata Solo.  He lifts his weapon again to take aim.  “Take that hat off, Lieutenant.”

 

“I’m sorry, Sir, but what??” Rey stalls for time.  She knows she’s about to get caught.  Probably shot too.  She really wishes she had insisted that Ben teach her to freeze blaster bolts.  But, here goes.  Rey summons the Force and does her best to concentrate.  She knows full well that the moment she reveals she can use the Force, her cover will be blown.  But, hopefully, she will live.  And if she can just make it to the hangar bay, she might have a fighting chance.

 

“Take that hat off, Lieutenant, or I will blow it off,” Hux orders.

 

“Yes, Sir.”  Rey takes a deep breath and reaches up.

 

“What’s going on?”  It’s Ben’s voice modulated through his mask.  It’s excellent timing, Rey thinks.  Well, maybe not perfect timing.  For Ben strides up in his full regalia just in time to hear his mother’s hologram give Rey permission to kill him.  And that’s awkward to say the least.  But no one present knows that but Rey and Ben.  She hopes.

 

Rey snaps to attention and leaves her hat on as she salutes.

 

“Lieutenant,” Ben complains to Rey, “You’re late.  I was on the bridge waiting for you.”

 

“Yes, Sir, but as you see, Sir,” Rey gestures with her eyes to the four troopers and Hux holding her at gunpoint.

 

Ben ignores them.  He’s focused on the hologram.  “What is this?”

 

“This is the intel I told you about, Sir.  Stolen from the Jedi girl herself.  You’ll want to read it, Sir.”

 

“Hand it over.”  Ben snaps his fingers at her now. 

 

“The General has it, Sir.”

 

“Supreme Leader,” Hux begins his explanation.

 

But Ben cuts him off.  “Trigger happy as usual, General?  Back off.  Solo works for me and she has the requisite clearance.  Now, hand the intel over and go do your job.”  Ben glances over at the accompanying stormtroopers.  “All of you, dismissed!”

 

Accepting the datafile and Rey’s fake ID back from Hux, Ben waves open his quarters and strides in.  He calls after him, “Get in here, Lieutenant, and report your analysis.” 

 

Rey leaps inside, the door closes shut, and Ben immediately locks it with the Force. 

 

“That was close,” Rey breathes out as she rips off her hat. 

 

At her side, Ben tears off his helmet.  “It was probably bound to happen eventually.  Hux’s quarters are down the hall.  Forget him, what is this?” he demands as he brandishes the datafile under her nose.

 

“It’s your mother’s memoirs.  She gave me a copy,” Rey explains.  “It was all I could think of to show Hux that I was here legitimately.  I think he thought I was breaking in.”  Rey’s mind is still very much on the close call with Hux.  “I thought you said you wanted rid of Hux.  You need to fire that guy, Ben.”

 

Ben marches across the room to retrieve his own datapad.  “I can’t fire Hux yet.  He’s good and I need him to win the war.  Once I win the war, then I will fire him.  You don’t dump a guy like Hux unless you are in a superior position of strength.  He’s far too popular.”

 

Yeah, Rey could see that.  The guy is on the holonet all the time.  “I guess there is the risk he might go start his own First Order,” Rey thinks aloud.

 

Ben looks up at this.  “Oh, he’s not getting fired in the usual sense.  I’m going to kill him.  Or make it look like the Resistance killed him.  Or maybe that the Jedi girl killed him,” Ben smirks.  He’s loading the datafile on his datapad now.  “Were you going to tell me you had this?” he asks her pointedly.

 

“Eventually.”  Rey meets his eyes.  “I know how you feel about your mother.”

 

The hologram starts playing now.  Ben watches it in silence while Rey watches Ben.   When it ends, he immediately shuts it off.

 

“She gave a copy to that fucking Dameron guy,” he gripes, making a face.  That must not sufficiently vent his anger because now Ben calls his helmet to his hand with the Force.  He hurls it hard against the wall and it bounces off.  Then, he whirls on her.  “So, have you been playing me this whole time?” Ben demands as he pins her with his eyes.  “Are you really here to kill me like she wants?”

 

“You were the one who came to collect me from the Resistance, remember?” Rey counters quietly.

 

“Yeah, I remember,” Ben sighs.  He runs a hand through his messy hair.  “I remember her with the pilot and the traitor flanking her on both sides.”     

 

“Are you going to read her memoirs?”

 

“I guess.  Eventually. Not tonight.”

 

Ben looks so hurt and rejected now.  Rey’s heart goes out to him.  “Maybe we should skip watching the next Palpatine episode tonight,” she suggests to change the subject.   “I’m not sure I’m up for that tonight.”

 

“Yeah.  Me neither.  Here.”  He tosses her the holonet remote with the Force.  “Find us something else.  I’m going to go take a shower.  I’ll be back.” 

 

“Okay.  You want dinner?” she calls after him.

 

“I’m not hungry.”

 

That’s not typical.  Like the tossed helmet, it betrays how upset Ben is.  “Alright,” Rey answers softly.  Well, she is hungry.  Rey starts scrolling down the commissary menu to find something new.  There it is.  She’s been wanting to try that.  Rey puts in an order and then sets out to find something mindless and non-political to watch. 

 

Ten minutes later, Ben reappears with wet hair, sporting a T-shirt and pants.  He’s barefoot and something about that mundane look makes Rey smile.  She too has gotten comfortable in the interim.  Her jacket and boots are off and Rey’s hair is down.

 

“What’s this?” he asks as he spies her on the couch. 

 

“Snacks.” She holds up an overflowing bowl.  “I ordered popcorn.  I’ve always wanted to try popcorn.  Want some?”

 

“No, but I’ll have a beer,” he decides, glancing over at the bottles on the table.

 

“There’s beer and root beer.”

 

“Root beer?  What are we, age ten?”

 

Rey just shrugs and takes a swing of hers.  “It’s good.”

 

Kylo plops down beside her with his beer.  “What are we watching?  Oh, wait, I’ve seen this show.  It’s stupid.”

 

“Yep,” Rey agrees through her mouthful of popcorn.  “Stupid sounds good tonight, right?”

 

“I guess.”

 

But the silly show doesn’t seem to help either of them relax.  Rey keeps glancing over to find Ben staring off into space.  He’s on his second beer now.  Or maybe it’s his third.  But nothing about his demeanor says he is anything but keyed up still.  That hologram of his mother really got to him.  Rey feels weird to be the girl who keeps reminding a guy about his mother. 

 

For her part, Rey remains preoccupied with her close brush with discovery by General Hux.  She feels especially unnerved by that whole scene coming on the heels of hours spent ruminating on all her doubts about Ben.  The whole situation has Rey longing for the simple, black and white problems of Jakku.  For as deadly as thirst and starvation were, at least they were issues she could solve.  All this risk is making her feel very antsy.  Normally, Rey listens to her gut and her gut is telling her to leave.  She is running scared tonight.   

 

Rey tells herself that she’s not just being frightened away by the developing intimacy between her and Ben.  She has legitimate concerns about Ben.  It’s not just his disconcerting habit of leaping into her head without asking.  It’s not just his tendency to want to generalize about everyone else’s experience based on his own fucked up family.  Sure, there’s a push pull to living with another person but that’s the thing—Ben isn’t like a roommate.  A roommate doesn’t let you cry on their shoulder.  A roommate doesn’t kiss you breathless and leave you wanting more.  A roommate doesn’t have you fantasizing about what they look like in the shower.   Like the Force bond, all this proximity is making Rey feel more and more comfortable with Ben.  She worries that she is being lulled into a false sense of security.  For everyone who has ever trusted this man—from his family to Snoke—has ended up dead.  What makes Rey think she will be any different than the rest?  And, damn, if his danger isn’t part of his attraction.

 

Rey sighs.  This is just more confusion she can’t resolve.  So, she too silently broods while ostensibly watching the holonet.  At her side, Ben keeps pounding beers while Rey shovels in popcorn by the handful.   This must be what they call nervous eating.  And it too is new.  Rey has never actually had extra food to eat before.  But yeah, this helps.  She scoops up another handful to continue mindlessly munching away.

 

“Gimme some of that,” Ben reaches over towards the bowl.

 

“Here.”  Rey scoots over and puts the bowl in his lap.  “I’ve already eaten more than my share.”  But not a minute later, she again reaches over to dip her hand in the bowl.  They are side by side and she stays like that.  There’s a comfort just being next to Ben.  Tonight, it feels like a strange disgruntled solidarity.

 

“You’re right, this show is awful,” Rey speaks up to break the silence after a bit.

 

“What?” Ben asks.  She has startled him.  Clearly, his mind is elsewhere. 

 

“Nothing,” Rey answers softly as she stifles a yawn.  She’s tired tonight.  That must be how her head ends up propped against Ben’s shoulder.  But he doesn’t seem to mind.

 

When the show ends, the nightly First Order newsfeed replays from earlier.  It’s more triumphant footage of suffering and destruction from Coruscant and Corellia.  These worlds are the last remaining holdouts, the newscaster woman gloats.  It won’t be long before they surrender too.  Interspersed in between the carnage are uplifting stories of progress from behind the lines.  There are pictures of several new schools being opened in the Rim, all of which will be named in honor of the late great Leader Snoke.  There are also new manufacturing ventures in the works and a giant medical complex to be developed in the Mid Rim.  For not only will there be law and order in the galaxy going forward, there will be prosperity and opportunity too.  The newscaster ends the broadcast reporting that repairs to the First Order’s mobile headquarters ship the _Supremacy_ are ahead of schedule.  It is apparently a point of pride to get Snoke’s famous behemoth ship up and running again ASAP.  After all, it is the symbol of the First Order war machine and its de facto capital as well.  It won’t be long, the newscaster woman imagines, before the _Supremacy_ is back in service parked in orbit above Coruscant.  She signs off on that happy note and the screen goes dark.

 

And that pretty much caps off this bitterly confusing day for Rey.  She clicks off the holonet and stands to cross the room.  Rey stares blankly out the giant windows at the war zone Coruscant below.  Now, she’s feeling especially stressed out and a little trapped too.

 

“This isn’t working,” Rey says aloud without turning around.  It comes out as ominous as it sounds.

 

“What do you mean ‘not working’?” Ben calls over to her.   

 

“I guess I mean . . . “  Rey considers confessing everything but then chickens out.  “I mean I don’t think the answers we need are in Luke’s old books.”   Rey decides to explain her leaving about the books.  The books are the reason she’s here in the first place.

 

“So, we’ll go look through Vader’s holochrons,” he suggests.

 

“No,” Rey declines.  “I’m not sure there will be any answers for us in the Jedi past.”

 

“Look, no one said this was going to be easy.” 

 

Rey turns around to face Ben.  Her tone conveys all of her frustration now.  “We don’t even know what we’re looking for.”

 

“We’ll know it when we see it.”

 

“I guess,” she shrugs.   And now, she’s done prevaricating.  Rey just comes out with it.  “I think I should leave. I’m not doing anything useful here.  And it’s getting more dangerous.”

 

“Leave?  You want to leave?”  His eyes narrow and he sets down his beer and stands.   “You agreed to help me with Snoke.”

 

“I haven’t dreamt of Snoke since I got here.  You haven’t heard from Snoke either.  Maybe we were just wrong,” she posits.   “Maybe he really is dead.”  Lately, Snoke seems like the least of Rey’s threats. 

 

“I know Snoke is alive,” Ben tells her firmly.  He looks her in the eye.  “Search your feelings, Rey.  You know it to be true.”

 

“No, I don’t,” she counters testily.  “And Hux is very suspicious now.  It was always dangerous here for me but it’s getting worse.”

 

“You are safest here where I can intervene on your behalf,” Ben shoots back.  She can tell by his expression and his crossed arms that he’s getting mad.  “Have you forgotten that you are public enemy number one?   Nowhere in the galaxy is safe for you right now.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Rey concedes.  “But I wouldn’t go back to the Resistance. You don’t have to worry about that.  I’ll disappear somewhere and lie low.  I can take care of myself.”

 

“You’re serious,” he accuses. 

 

Rey nods.  “Yes.” 

 

And now, he looks less angry and more scared.  “You really want to leave me?” he demands as he stalks towards her across the room. 

 

Well, yes, but Rey wouldn’t phrase it quite that way.  This is more about self-preservation for her.  “Ben, the longer I stay here, the deeper I get with the First Order—"

 

“That uniform is just a disguise,” he interrupts.  “It doesn’t have to be anything else.  I know you hate it.”

 

“I just think it would be best if I didn't have a side in this war.  The longer I am here, the more it feels like I am on your side.”

 

“Aren’t you on my side?” he asks, looking hurt.  “You agreed to help me balance the Force.”

 

“Yes, but I didn’t agree to all the rest.”

 

Ben makes a face and she can tell that he is trying to keep his cool.  After a long moment, he observes, “My mother’s message upset you too.”

 

“Yes.”  It’s true.  Watching Leia Organa warn her about Ben had thoroughly unnerved Rey.  “Look, I don’t want to kill you.  I don’t want to be your enemy.  But I’m not cut out for the First Order.  I don’t want to support your cause. This started out as opposing Snoke and balancing the Force, and now it feels like it’s morphing into something more.  And I worry that the longer I stay, this will become . . . “  Her voice trails off.  Rey fears to say too much.

 

“This will become what?”

 

A wet lock of dark hair has fallen over his eyes and Rey is just itching to brush it back.  She clenches her hands into fists and resolutely takes a step back.  “Uhmmm . . .” she stalls.  Because what does she say now?

 

“We will become friends?  Is that it?” he demands.  Ben takes a step forward and again Rey steps back.  “Afraid you’ll become friends with a monster, Rey?” he goads.

 

“We’re not friends,” she stammers, searching his eyes for understanding.

 

And yes, he gets it.  “No, we’re not.”

 

“We’re never going to be friends,” Rey whispers out the truth.   

 

“You’re right.”   He staring at her now.  Moving into her space and being overly intense.  It’s classic Ben. He’s always a little too eager to press any advantage to get his way.  Part of her finds it super annoying.  Part of her finds it alluring.  Rey doesn’t want to be dominated by Ben or any other man.  But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get a thrill from it.  This brooding Dark prince is as exciting as he is maddening. 

 

But right now, he looks blindsided.  “You don’t get to leave me,” Ben half-pleads, half-proclaims.

 

She looks away.  Anywhere but those hypnotic dark eyes that are accusing her and alternating between hurt and rage.  “I’ll steal a TIE and you’ll never—"

 

“If you leave,” he overrides her softly, “I will come for you.  I will keep coming back for you again and again.  I’m not your faithless family, Rey.  I will come back for you.”  Somehow his threat sounds more like a pledge.  “You’ll see.  I want you even if no one else does.  We are destiny, remember?”  

 

And maybe that was supposed to sound menacing, but it doesn’t to Rey’s ears.  “If there wasn’t a war going on,” she begins miserably.  “If we were not the people who we are . . .   Maybe, if you hadn’t killed Han . . . then . . .”

 

“Then what?”

 

“Then we would be friends,” she finishes weakly.

 

Ben steps forward and grabs her upper arms and shakes her roughly.  “We’re not friends,” he hisses as she squirms in his grip.  “I don’t want to be your friend.” 

 

He says this like a warning he thinks she should heed.  And maybe she should, but she’s not going to.  Because as Rey lifts her face up to his, all she can think is ‘Is he going to kiss me?’  Yes, he’s definitely going to kiss her.  And, oh, yes!  Please make this good.  The moment his lips touch hers, Rey surrenders to him.  She’s not even making a pretense of reluctance as her arms snake up to encircle his neck.  Her body steps forward to close the scant distance between them.  Now, she is on tip toe pressed up against the full length of him. 

 

Standing in his strong arms, Rey can’t help but think that Ben’s kiss is everything. Rey has no experience in these matters but she’s pretty certain she has that assessment right.  Because she could do this forever.  This and more.  His soft lips, warm breath, and wandering tongue have her sagging into him.  Her head is thrown back and his hands are knitted in her hair as she lets him have his way.  The kiss goes on and on and she makes no attempt to stop it.  For the knowledge that she is wanted is everything for this orphan throwaway girl. 

 

Kylo Ren’s kiss is more dangerous than Snoke, more scary than Hux, more threatening than the war ever could be.  For this is a temptation Rey is not prepared for and cannot resist.  This would-be Jedi is now at great risk of being seduced by the Dark Side of the Force, just not in the usual way.  And it’s not the glamour of his evil that attracts Rey.  She cares nothing for Ben’s position and she doesn’t lust for his power.   Instead, she sees a kindred spirit who wants her help and is all but begging her to care.  Rey can’t find it in herself to refuse.  For Ben Solo seems to have endured as much rejection through the years as she. 

 

Finally, they come up for air.  They are both panting as she tucks her head into his shoulder, her face pressed close against the wool of his uniform tunic. 

 

“Forget the Force,” he rasps.  “Forget the war.  Forget Hux and Snoke and my family.”  He pulls her tighter now.  He must be remembering her previous instinct to flee.  “Forget everything but us, Rey.”

 

“Can we do that?” she wonders aloud into his chest.  She’s not sure she can do that, given all that has happened and all that they are.  Their differences seem so insurmountable on days like this.  It feels like the universe is conspiring to keep them apart.  Like she should take the hint and move on.  But Rey cannot continue to deny how attracted she is to this man nonetheless.

 

“I’m tired of solving the problems of the galaxy and having nothing for myself,” he tells her and she hears some of her own frustration in his words.  “Shouldn’t being Supreme Leader entitle me to some fun?   And after all that suffering on Jakku, don’t you want some happiness too?” 

 

Yes.  Yes, she does.

 

“The Force is complicated, the war is complicated, life is complicated.  But can we be simple, Rey?  I need something to be easy in my life.  So can we just be a guy and a girl and forget all the rest?”  His heavy sigh conveys volumes about his years of unrelenting duty to Snoke.  “I just want to be happy.  For once in my life, I want to be happy.  Is that too much to ask?”

 

“No.  No, it’s not,” she whispers.  She herself had thought the same thing many a night alone on Jakku.

 

“Then come to bed.”

 

“B-Bed??” Rey gulps as she pulls back.  Because, is he suggesting that she just agreed to-- 

 

“You don’t have to sleep on my couch.  My bed is big enough for two,” he hurries to explain.  Her face must reveal all of her trepidation because he continues.  “You don’t have to sleep with me.  I just want you to sleep next to me.”   Ben looks a bit sheepish now.  “To be less alone,” he admits awkwardly.  Then beneath his pale skin, he suddenly blushes bright red.  It’s so unlike this man to be unsure of himself that Rey is utterly charmed.  “I won’t bother you.  I promise.”

 

“O-Okay,” she responds.  Because that ought to be alright.  They would be just sleeping.  Right??

 

Rey follows Ben into his bedroom, still feeling very uncertain of herself.  For peace of mind, she takes her sword.  He watches in silence as she tucks it under the pillow.  Then, she reconsiders and puts the sword on the bedside table once she looks across and sees that’s where Ben has put his own weapon. 

 

“Go to sleep,” he tells her.  “I’ll be in later.  I’m going to work a bit first.”  Ben says this offhand in a way that makes her think he’s making it up to get her more comfortable with doing this.  And, truthfully, it does.

 

“Okay.”  Tentatively, Rey pulls back the covers and slips into bed fully clothed.  She can count on one hand the number of nights she has slept in a real bed and not a bunk on the _Falcon_.  Oh, yes, this is nice.  Rey is out like a light. 

 

She’s not aware when Ben comes to bed.  She’s not aware of him at all until she wakes the next morning.  Somehow during the night, she has rolled onto his side of the bed.    He’s facing away and Rey is snuggled up right against him.  She even has an arm thrown over his bare chest.

 

“Oh,” she breathes out softly, confused how that happened.  “Sorry.”  Embarrassed, she starts to roll away. 

 

But Ben is already awake. He clamps down on her arm.  “No, don’t go.  It’s still early.  Stay here a bit.”

 

“Uhhhh . . . “

 

“Don’t go away.  It’s nice.”

 

Yeah, it is kind of nice.  And now, it occurs to Rey that, despite all her soul searching to distance herself from Ben, once again she has allowed herself to be drawn deeper in.  Because now she’s not crashing on his couch, she’s sleeping in his bed and waking up entangled in an embrace.  Her head tells her this is very dangerous, her gut tells her to run, but her heart wants to stay.  This morning, the heart wins.  Rey nestles closer and murmurs, “Okay.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

“Where are we going?” Rey asks him repeatedly.

 

Kylo always answers the same.  “You’ll see.”  

 

It’s making him ridiculously excited to take Rey to Mustafar.  This is a very special place for him.  He is sharing a secret too.  For even among the First Order, his grandfather’s castle retreat is considered ‘need to know.’  That secrecy is why Kylo dispensed with his pilot for this trip.  Plus, he doesn’t want any more witnesses to his interactions with Rey.  That means he’s at the controls of his command shuttle as they approach their destination. 

 

“Wow.”  At his side in the copilot seat, Rey is agape.  “A volcanic planet.  I’ve heard about places like this.”

 

“This is Mustafar.  Where the Clone Wars unofficially ended.”

 

“Why the shield gate?”  Rey asks. “What’s down here?”

 

“Look up ahead.  There it is.”

 

Lord Vader’s tall, forbidding looking castle sits high atop of a river of lava.  The river is dammed to produce a dramatic waterfall of molten rock spewing down.  It is a striking scene. 

 

“Yikes.  Who lives here?”  Rey half stands to get a closer look.

 

“I do.”

 

Rey turns to catch his eye and laughs out loud. “Of course, you do.  That’s so very Vader of you.” 

 

“Here, I’ll make another pass.”  Rey looks again as he swoops the shuttle to buzz the castle that looks more like the headquarters of Hell than it does a private residence. “It actually was Vader’s,” Kylo explains. “It was built in the early years of the Empire.  This was my grandfather’s home.  And now it’s mine.” Kylo glances over at Rey to gauge her reaction.  She’s still peering down in curious amazement.  That makes him happy. “I’ve been wanting to show you this,” he tells her softly.

 

This is the first time that Kylo has been back to the castle since before the war heated up.  A lot has happened since then.  Kylo has his very own Alderaan in Hosnia, his lost Death Star in the Starkiller, and his martyred Kenobi in Han Solo.  His Master is dead . . . maybe.  The galaxy is his . . . almost.  And now, there is a girl.  She’s no perfumed queen from a picturesque world, she’s a barely literate scavenger orphan from a junkyard planet.  Rey appeared one day with his grandfather’s sword sent to him by the Force.  Nothing has ever been the same since.   Rey was his prisoner first, then his opponent, next his champion.  And now, she’s his friend and his roommate and his co-conspirator to remake the Force and elude Snoke.  They have gone from enemies to allies and, hopefully soon, they will be something more.  For this woman is constantly intruding on his thoughts.  Kylo involuntarily glances over at Rey again.  There’s just something about this girl.

 

“It’s scary here and yet beautiful in a way,” she remarks of the lava landscape.  “The desert is like that.  Dangerous but pretty at times too.”

 

Yes, she gets it, Kylo thinks.  And he’s not surprised.  Rey gets him too.   Well, mostly.  And that’s more than anyone ever has before. 

 

The castle itself is not large.  It reflects the purpose it was built for: to be a solitary man’s private retreat.  The landing platform is probably larger than the castle footprint.  Vader was not a man who entertained guests.

 

“Come on in.”   Kylo beckons Rey down the shuttle ramp and into the blast furnace heat of Mustafar.  But Rey is a desert girl, so he knows she won’t mind.

 

“Does anyone actually live here?” she asks as she follows him.

 

“Not anymore.  It’s only droids here now.  There was a caretaker for many years and a small household staff.  The caretaker died a years ago as a very old man.  Vanee stayed on many years after Vader died.”

 

“That caretaker sounds devoted.”

 

“Yes, he was.  The story is that shortly after the Empire fell a group of former Imperial soldiers showed up here to loot.  Probably looking for souvenirs. The caretaker and his staff held them off at gun point.  Old Vanee told them that Luke Skywalker was welcome to come claim his inheritance but no one else was going to set foot in Lord Vader’s home.”

 

“Did Luke ever come here?” Rey asks as she looks around.

 

“Not to my knowledge.”

 

“How did you know about this place?”

 

“Snoke.  He had control of the castle for many years.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“I don’t know.   He never said.”

 

An ancient protocol droid that reminds Rey of Leia Organa’s interpreter now steps up to greet them as they walk inside.  The droid bows formally. “Welcome home, my lord.”

 

Rey grins over at him.  “My lord?” She raises an eyebrow and shoots him an irreverent look.  “That’s fancy.”

 

“Lieutenant,” the droid now turns to Rey.  “Welcome to Mustafar Castle.”

 

“Thanks,” she replies. 

 

“Everything is in order, my lord.  Will you be staying long?” the droid asks.

 

“No,” Kylo replies.  “This is only a quick visit.”

 

“Very good, my lord.”

 

“Come on, let me show you around,” Kylo tells Rey as the droid retreats.

 

Mustafar Castle was built as a private space.   There were no guests to impress and no official audiences held here.  And so, inside nothing is grand in scale or in décor.   Almost all the rooms have floor to ceiling windows that make the castle's dramatic exterior surroundings the focal point.  By contrast, the interior furnishings are unremarkable and soothing in color, shape and texture.  Everywhere is the soft, monochromatic look of quiet, lived-in luxury.  It is an oddly zen place that has always struck Kylo as weirdly Jedi in some ways.

 

“It’s not what I expected.  It’s so homey.   And kind of small,” Rey observes.

 

Kylo nods.  “Vader was a slave in his youth and then a Jedi for many years.  I don’t think he ever developed a taste for luxury.”  Kylo looks around and can’t help but feel a bit melancholy.  “Being here is like stepping back into the past.”  It is both nostalgic and bittersweet, he thinks.  For he wishes he had gotten to meet his grandfather.  Just once.

 

He takes Rey on a tour of the various rooms.  Half of the castle is medical facilities. There are still a number of deactivated old Two One Bee droids laying around.  Clearly, it took a lot of effort to keep his paraplegic grandfather alive.  But if Rey is grossed out by the carefully organized medical equipment ranging from feeding tubes to replacement limbs, she doesn’t show it.  Mostly, she looks subdued. 

 

“How he suffered,” Rey observes quietly as they walk past a now drained bacta tank.  “He was burned, right?   That’s why he wore the mask and the suit?”

 

“Yes.  He lost a duel to his old Jedi Master and was horribly wounded.  Ben Kenobi left him to die on the side of a lava field not far from here.”

 

“Wait—that happened here?”  Rey stops in her tracks.

 

“Yes.”

 

“But why would he want to live here then?   Shouldn’t this be a place with horrible memories for him?” Rey wonders aloud.

 

Kylo shrugs.  “Vader was a Sith.  They channeled pain and other strong emotions into power.  So what better place to ruminate on his suffering?   This was the site of Vader’s most brutal defeat.  Here on Mustafar is where he was betrayed by his wife and by his longtime friend and left for dead.”

 

“That sounds so bleak.”

 

“It was.  In the end, Vader and Palpatine ruled the galaxy but Vader was otherwise alone.”  And that is a cautionary tale that Kylo does not plan to emulate.  He too will rule the galaxy, but he won’t do it alone.   He will do it with Rey, he hopes.  If she’ll have him.

 

“What happened to your grandmother?”  Rey wants to know.

 

“Come.  I’ll show you her.”  Kylo walks Rey down the hall to the Master’s chambers.  These are a series of rooms for the Sith himself.  An office, a lounge area, and a bedroom.   The adjoining rooms are every bit as dark and as sleek as Vader’s mask.  Kylo has no difficulty imagining the Imperial Sith warlord inhabiting this space.  But hanging on the bedroom wall is a relic of his prior life that seems at once perfectly situated and yet jarringly out of place. 

 

Kylo gestures to the portrait of a young woman dressed in an intricate white lace gown.  The woman in the portrait wears a lace cap with a veil that covers her hair.   Long brown curls trail out from beneath.   The woman faces forward with her head turned aside and her eyes slightly downcast.  She looks more sad than demure.  Her hands clasp a haphazard bouquet of white flowers.  “Here she is.  Padme Amidala, Senator of the Republic, one-time Queen of Naboo, secret wife to the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, later Lord Vader.  My grandmother.”

 

“She’s beautiful.”  Rey steps forward to view the painting.  “What happened to her?”

 

Kylo can’t help but feel a bit glum about the answer.  Like so much of his family history, it’s a sad tale.  “War and politics tore my grandparents apart. Vader chose the Empire, his wife chose the Republic.”  Rey looks to him with raised eyebrows and he continues the tale.  “Vader offered my grandmother the galaxy.  She turned him down.  She and Kenobi came here together to confront Vader.  When he would not turn back, Kenobi set out to kill him.  My grandmother left with Kenobi and died under mysterious circumstances shortly after my mother and uncle were born.  Even Vader never knew what happened.”

 

“It was all here in my grandfather’s private files,” Kylo reveals.  “Vader did a lengthy investigation.   He never turned up the truth.  It was over twenty years later before Vader learned that his children lived to be born.  The Jedi took my mother and hid her in the open as the adopted daughter of Breha and Bail Organa on Alderaan.  They sent my uncle to be raised by my grandfather’s step-brother and his wife on Tatooine.  My mother and uncle were hidden from their father and from each other for years.  Raised to hate the Empire and to side with the Jedi against Vader.”

 

Kylo sighs as he bemoans the cycle of tragedy that plagues his clan.  “War has torn my family apart over and over again.   First my grandparents ended up on opposing sides at the end of the Clone Wars, then my parents and my uncle fought their father in the Rebellion, and now my mother and I are enemies too.” 

 

“That’s so horrible,” Rey commiserates.  And again, Kylo sees that Rey gets it.  Because for years, this scavenger girl had wanted nothing more than a family of her own. 

 

Kylo is bitter about his family’s fate.  “If we could all get on the same side and stay there, just think what the Skywalkers could do.  But instead, we kill one another and the whole galaxy suffers as a result.”  There are many reasons why Kylo wants to balance the Force, but this is reason number one.  He’s tired of Skywalker versus Skywalker on opposing sides.  The personal legacy of that dysfunction is more than he can bear and Kylo is determined not to pass it on.   For the Skywalker mess is more than Light versus Dark.  It is as much the bitter betrayals, the absentee parents, and the persistent violence, as it is the Force. 

 

“Are you going to kill your mother?” Rey asks quietly.

 

It’s a question Kylo has contemplated long and hard.  “Not unless I have to,” he confesses the truth. 

 

Killing Leia Organa is not his preferred method of dealing with her, but he’s prepared to do the deed if necessary.  There’s not a lot of compromise in his mother, so she’s unlikely to ever surrender, he knows.  But Kylo doesn’t even want to think through the hurdles of imprisoning his mother long term.  “I won’t let this conflict to continue indefinitely, Rey.  Our family drama ends with me.  I refuse to continue this another generation.  I refuse to let politics and the Force ruin another Skywalker kid’s life.”

 

Rey says nothing.  She’s engrossed in his grandmother’s portrait.

 

“When Vader discovered that his children lived, he was determined to bring home his son.  It was all here in his private files.  It took three years of searching after the Death Star before Vader met Luke.  He followed every lead down every rabbit hole.  Finally, he laid a trap and Luke came to him.  But when they actually met face to face, it went rather badly.”

 

“Luke Skywalker would never have joined the Empire.”  Rey shakes her head at the very thought.

 

“Maybe not,” Kylo gripes, “But I don’t think my uncle ever even tried to see his father’s side.  Vader wanted peace and order, like l do.  Not all would agree with Vader’s means, but no one could fault his goal.  My grandfather was a man who was born into slavery and raised in poverty in the Rim.  After the Jedi bought him, he came of age during a time of full-scale war.  Those experiences left an indelible mark on him.  Vader saw the hypocrisy of the Republic.  He saw democracy fail.  He saw his Senator wife struggle to make any headway against entrenched interests and rampant corruption.  He saw the Jedi Order’s meddling firsthand.  And so, he went seeking an alternative.  Vader wanted to try new things.  Like I do.” 

 

“Have you ever tried to see your mother’s side?” Rey asks pointedly.

 

Kylo shrugs.  “Democracy works on a system level, but it doesn’t work for the galaxy as a whole.  There are just too many competing interests, too many difficult problems, too much lack of consensus on the issues between the Rim and the Core.  Decentralized power and a ridiculously large legislative body mean nothing ever gets done.  So wealthy, well-run worlds in the Core prosper while everywhere else falls apart.  The Haves get more and the Have Nots languish yet again.”  Kylo sighs and exhales.  The rhetoric of democracy is great.  It’s the real-world experience of democracy that is disappointing. Because the will of the people often results in bad choices.  “The history books like to pretend that the Separatist Crisis was manufactured by the Sith, but the truth is that there were real problems with the Old Republic.    All those unacknowledged problems reared their head again in my mother’s New Republic.”

 

Rey now adds the punchline:  “And Snoke was waiting in the wings.”

 

“Yes.  He saw immediately the parallels between the Clone Wars era and our own.  Snoke knew exactly which buttons to push and when.  It was almost like he had lived it before.  And my mother and her friends continually played into his hands.  Snoke might have been an opportunist, but he was very effective.  He managed to make history repeat itself.”

 

“But at great cost,” Rey reminds him.

 

“Yes.”  Kylo levels with Rey.  “Change always divides life into winners and losers.  It is unavoidable.  Plus, this is a war.   People die.”  He’s not a cynic, Kylo thinks, he’s a realist.  And surely Rey from Jakku can relate to that.  Anxious to steer the topic away from war, Kylo waves Rey forward.  “Come.  Let me show you why we came.”

 

Together they descend deep into the castle basement. It is dusty and damp down here, with an air of long neglect. Finally, they arrive at a simple doorway without a lock mechanism.  Kylo simply waves his hand and the door opens and they step inside.

 

The room is full of holochrons.   Hundreds of little gold and blue cubes are stacked on shelves in neat rows. Grouped all together, they glow brightly in the dim light.  Kylo strips off his gloves before he calls one to his hand with the Force.  He pauses a moment to run his bare hands over the glowing cube that countless Jedi, including his beloved grandfather, would have touched.  The sheer power of the hands that have held this cube impresses him.  

 

He presents it to Rey.  “This is a Jedi holochron.  It is a relic of the Light,” he tells her with reverence.  “My grandfather collected Jedi holochrons from temples and dead Jedi all across the galaxy.  He hid them from Darth Sidious and stored them here at his castle.”  Kylo clasps his hands around Rey’s hands holding the holochron.  “Close your eyes,” he urges softly.  “Feel the history within.  Feel the Force.” 

 

Yes, she feels it.  Rey’s expression betrays her wonder at the almost primal energy vibrating in the room.  It feels like a hum from deep within.  The glow of the cubes shines a faint blue cast on Rey’s features. In the moment, she looks otherworldly.  It’s beautiful.  Rey has such an open, honest looking face.  Round and childlike in some ways still.  Rey opens her eyes to smile at him.  Kylo smiles back.  Because Gods, he is into this woman. 

 

Kylo releases her hands and gestures about the room. “Anakin Skywalker was the original Chosen One.  A Jedi-turned-Sith who wanted all of the power--the Light and the Dark.   When the Republic fell, Darth Vader and Darth Sidious wiped out the Jedi Order.   But Vader didn't reject all of the Jedi teachings.  My grandfather was a pragmatist and he understood the power of knowledge.  That’s why he kept these.” 

 

“So a Sith preserved the Jedi teachings?” Rey surmises. “How ironic.”

 

Yes, it’s yet another bizarre aspect of life among the Skywalkers.  But Kylo sees it a bit differently.  “My grandfather was a Skywalker first and a Sith second.”  How else do you understand a man who wanted to kill his former colleagues but also wanted to learn from them?   How else do you understand a ruthless man who acted on sentiment to save his enemy son and betrayed his Master to do it?  Lord Vader craved power, craved knowledge, and craved love.   He definitely couldn’t cut it as a Jedi, but he wasn’t exactly the model Sith either.   For like his grandson Kylo Ren, Darth Vader was a conflicted Chosen One.

 

Damn, he wishes his grandfather were around to guide him now.   Kylo can’t remember a time when he didn’t have a parent or a Master around to tell him what to do.   It’s . . . different.

 

“Vader was supposed to bring balance to the Force. And in a way, he did by destroying the Jedi stranglehold on the Republic. But he never finished the job. He was supposed to teach his son all he knew as a Jedi and as a Sith.  To create a leader who could command the Light and the Dark and rule with him as father and son.  But Luke Skywalker was a fool and turned him down.”

 

“How many are there?”  Rey wants to know as she looks around.  She looks very interested in the holochrons.  It’s just like he had hoped.

 

“Over a hundred.   With my uncle dead and the Jedi extinct, this is all the knowledge of the Jedi that remains today.  These holochrons are beyond value.”  Kylo wants Rey to understand how important these pretty cubes are.  “In the end, these holochrons will be the most important legacy of Darth Vader.  They are his gift to the future.”  Kylo gestures to the cube that Rey is still holding.  “Open it.”

 

“How?”

 

“Concentrate.  Holochrons open with the Force.”

 

Rey takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and reaches for the Force.  Slowly, the little cube rises from her hand, shaking a bit as it goes.  And then suddenly it splits into component parts, all hovering over in the air before them.  Rey’s eyes snap open and she looks over to Kylo in alarm.  “Did I break it?”

 

He smothers a chuckle.  Rey can be so adorable in her untutored naivete.  She’s so insightful and capable until suddenly she is goofy and awkward.  It reminds him of himself.  “That’s what it’s supposed to do.”  Kylo smiles encouragingly.  “Now, here come its secrets.”

 

A hologram projection appears after a moment of static.  And now a recording begins.  It’s a long dead Rodian Jedi speaking about meditation techniques.  Kylo and Rey watch together in silence as the detailed instruction hologram plays for at least ten minutes.  Then, the holochron shuts off and returns to its form as a pretty cube.

 

Rey turns the trinket over in her hands.  “Luke would have loved this.”

 

“My uncle had his chance,” Kylo gripes.   Luke Skywalker could have been so much more than he was, Kylo thinks ruefully.  What might the galaxy be like today if his uncle had made a different decision on Bespin? 

 

And that thought brings Kylo back to why they are here.  He turns to make his pitch to Rey.  “The Light is eternal.  But if there is no one trained to practice its craft, then the Light loses its focus and effectiveness.  For the two sides of the Force to balance, they need to be equals.  So, if you won’t let me teach you, then you need these holochrons, Rey.  There is priceless knowledge to be learned here, if you can pick around the Jedi dogma to find it.  Don’t be my mother and refuse to fully develop your talents.”

 

“Okay,” Rey accepts.  “These look much more helpful than Luke’s books,” she judges.  “I think I can learn a lot more from these holochrons than from the books.”  She gives him a sheepish look now.  “It helps that there is no reading involved.   What are those?” Rey points to a much smaller collection of red pyramid shaped holochrons on the far right side of the room.

 

“Those are Sith holochrons,” Kylo answers.  “Vader collected those too. They are far fewer in number because the Sith were secretive by habit.  They mostly passed down their knowledge directly between master and apprentice.”

 

“Can I learn from those too?”  It’s an innocent question but also a jaw dropping one, unthinkable in any time but their present.  For Kylo can’t decide who would be more upset by Light Side Rey asking to learn from a Sith holochron—the Jedi or the Sith.   It is a statement on how divorced he and Rey are from those past traditions that she blithely dares to ask the question.

 

For his part, Kylo shrugs his response.  “If you can open them, you can learn them.  But you need to be a Sith or think like a Sith to open them with the Force.”

 

“You mean I need to connect with the Force through emotion,” she clarifies.

 

“Yes.  You could do it.  There is plenty of Darkness for you to tap into, if you wish.  Supposedly, long ago there once were Jedi who could wield Darkness.  They were called Grey Jedi.”

 

“So neither Dark nor Light?”

 

Kylo considers a moment.  “I think they were more unaffiliated Force-users than anything else.  Grey Jedi did not follow the Jedi High Council or commit their allegiance to the Sith.  But they used the Light and the Dark Sides of the Force all the same.”

 

“Is that what we are?”  Rey asks.  “Grey Jedi?”

 

“I don’t know,” Kylo answers truthfully.  “There are no rules any more for how to use the Force, no traditions to adhere to or reject, no organizations to uphold.  There is only what we discover and decide to pass on.”  And therein lies Kylo’s worst fear—that if he and Rey do not study and learn the Force in its totality, much of its majesty will go unlearned by future generations.  And then he and Rey will not usher in a new age of enlightenment, but instead will plunge the galaxy into a Dark Ages of sorts for the Force.  Of all Kylo’s intimidating responsibilities—conquering and ruling the galaxy, rebuilding the Empire, shepherding the Skywalker family into the future, and so much more—it is his obligations to the Force that feel the most daunting.  It’s just one more reason why he needs Rey’s help.

 

His com buzzes now.  It’s terrible timing so, of course, that means it’s Hux.  “I need to take this,” Kylo sighs.  “Grabsome of these and we’ll take them back with us.”  And since the com connection is bad in the castle basement lightyears away from Coruscant, Kylo tromps upstairs and Rey follows juggling an armload of holochrons.

 

Hux reports the status of Coruscant.  It’s as he feared: the negotiations have stalled.  Once Kylo hangs up, he tells Rey what’s going on.  “We are holding secret talks with Coruscant’s leadership.  It’s not going well.  Rey, I don’t want to starve Coruscant into submission or destroy it, but it looks like I may have to,” he tells her with sincere regret.  “Those guys refuse to compromise.”

 

“What do they want?” Rey asks.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You said it was a negotiation.  What do they want?”

 

“A Senate,” he gripes.  “They want democracy.  That’s a non-starter.  Hux already told them that.  Twice.”

 

“Why is it a non-starter?”

 

Is she serious?  “Why?  Because this is the First Order.  Snoke would choke me with the Force if he knew I gave in on a galactic Senate.”

 

“Snoke’s dead,” Rey persists before she hedges, “Well, maybe.  But didn’t Palpatine have a Senate?  We saw it in the show we watched.”

 

“Yes, the Empire had a Senate in the early years. But Palpatine dissolved the council right before Alderaan.  That’s when the last remnants of the Old Republic were swept away.” 

 

Rey raises an eyebrow and nods knowingly.  “You mean the Emperor didn’t want to listen to a bunch of angry Senators complain about the Death Star?”

 

“Yeah.  Basically,” Kylo concedes.

 

“So what’s your excuse for not wanting a Senate?” Rey wants to know.  “Because if democracy truly is so inefficient and ineffective, then what’s the harm in having a little of it?  Won’t it only prove you right?”

 

“If we have a Senate, then we will need a constitution too,” he points out.  “Otherwise, we will jockey for position on whose power ends where.”

 

“Did the Empire have a constitution?” Rey asks.

 

“Yes.  It basically said the Emperor could decide topics for the Senate to convene.  He dissolved the Senate when he decided not to give them any further work to do.”

 

“Then how about that?” she suggests.

 

“You’re sounding like a Resistance girl again,” Kylo grouses, shooting her an annoyed look.  He’s got rooms full of political and military advisors who spend hours boring him with their ideas on Coruscant.  He doesn’t need to add Rey into the mix as well. 

 

“Look, I’d like to find a way to end the war without hurting more people,” she says pointedly.  “Showing some flexibility might buy you some goodwill in the Core.  Maybe make it a package deal?” she suggests.  “Coruscant and Corellia both surrender in exchange for a Senate the whole galaxy participates in.”  Rey thinks a moment before she warms to her theme.  “The Core looks like heroes for standing up to the First Order on everyone’s behalf, you get the war done and a useless Senate you can blame things on.  It’s a win-win, right?”

 

“Snoke would choke me with the Force if I gave in on a galactic Senate,” Kylo complains again.  Snoke would too.  Kylo can just picture the old guy’s indignant howl.  And the lightning . . . there would definitely be lightning.

 

“But you’re the Supreme Leader now,” Rey complains. 

 

“For now,” he sighs.

 

Rey looks him in the eye.  “Kylo, if Snoke returns, you’re a dead man anyway.  So what have you got to lose?”

 

“You mean other than my convictions?”

 

“You have a galaxy to gain, remember?  Peace, Ben.  You could make peace.  Break free of Snoke and be your own man,” she urges.

 

“If we made the representation in the Senate by world and not by population, the Rim worlds would dominate.  That would put the First Order de facto in charge,” Kylo thinks aloud.  Maybe this could work if he could get his own people to agree to it.  No one in the First Order is going to like the idea of democracy.  And compromise isn’t really a First Order thing either.  This could be very politically unpopular.  There is a lot of downside risk to Rey’s idea.  “Once you get a Senate together, it will keep angling for more power and influence.  It’s the nature of things.  And eventually, it might evolve into a chorus of opposition like the Imperial Senate did.”

 

“If I were the Supreme Leader, I would do it,” Rey looks stubborn.  “I would cut a deal and declare the war over and move on.   Then, I would take everything bad about the war and pin it on Snoke.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like the Starkiller, for starters.  I’d tell the Core that you and Hux were just following Snoke’s orders and you never would have blown up Hosnia on your own.  Then, you apologize to everyone.”

 

“You can’t be serious!” he blinks.  “I’m not apologizing for destroying the Republic.”

 

Rey ignores this.  “And those war crimes by the First Order in the Mid Rim?  I’d blame those on Snoke too.  Supreme Leader Snoke was the evil mastermind, but now Supreme Leader Ren is in charge.  And he’s a much more reasonable man that you can live with.  Kylo, you should take this opportunity to position yourself as the good guy if you can.”

 

The good guy??  “That’s preposterous!” he scoffs.  He’s sort of offended at the idea.

 

“Why not?  It’s what old Sheev Palpatine would do.   That man was as crafty as they come.  The old Emperor would probably hold a news conference on the holonet and reveal your relationship to Leia Organa.  So everyone can know you were raised a Senator’s kid so you’re okay with a little democracy here and there.  It would give you some cred with the Core and really confuse things for your opposition for a bit.”

 

“You’re creative, I’ll grant you that,” Kylo grinds out.  This is why they don’t discuss the war and politics.

 

Rey shrugs.  “Cutting deals is how I made a living.  No one stands on principle on Jakku.  If you do, you’re dead.”

 

Kylo gives her a pained look.  “We fought a war to rid the galaxy of the Republic and you’re telling me I should volunteer to bring it back?”  A lot of people died fighting for the First Order’s ideals and a lot of people died on Hosnia too.  What is the meaning of their sacrifice if things end up right back where they were?

 

“It would sure tick off old Snoke.”  Rey smiles at the thought. 

 

He does too.  “I’ll think about it,” he punts.

 

“You realize that you have the perfect cover for all of this, right?” Rey informs him.  “When Hux and the rest of your fascist friends object, you just tell them that you’re doing what the old Empire did.  And how can they argue with that?  Isn’t that the point of the First Order—to restore the good old days?”

 

“I’ll think about it,” Kylo repeats mostly to end the conversation. 

 

Two hours and three comcalls later, Kylo has grown bored of existential navel gazing over Coruscant.  So, he goes in search of Rey.  He finds her perched on the end of Vader’s bed looking up at his grandmother’s portrait.  Her feet are swinging a little and she looks girlish.

 

“Oh, hi.”  Rey smiles at him and then goes back to looking at the picture.  “You know, I sort of see your mother in your grandmother’s face.  She’s so beautiful.  I guess she would have to be.  You don’t break your Jedi vows for just any girl.”  

 

“I’d break the Jedi Code for you,” Kylo smirks as he perches beside her.

 

Rey shoots him a look.  “You broke the Jedi Code long before me.  You were pretty much the worst Jedi ever.”

 

“No,” he disagrees.  “My grandfather wins that one.”  Because when it comes to slaughtering Jedi, Darth Vader clearly has the upper hand.

 

“And yet your grandfather hoarded all those holochrons just like you are studying your uncle’s books.  What is it about you Skywalker men that you can’t quit being Jedi?” Rey muses.  “Even Luke couldn’t bring himself to walk away in the end.”   

 

“We are the Chosen Ones,” Kylo answers softly.  For one and all, the Skywalkers are full of conflict and torn between Dark and Light.

 

“I like this place,” Rey tells him after a moment.  “This castle is pretty amazing.  Mustafar is kind of amazing.  And all those holochrons are just what I need.”  Rey catches his eye as she tells him, “Thank you for taking me here.”

 

Kylo nods.  He’s glad she likes it.  And now, he feels compelled to remind her that it’s all because of one man.  “Darth Vader was amazing.”   

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, he kind of was,” Rey agrees.  “I see that now.  He was more than I realized.”

 

He’s pleased that his hero worship is rubbing off on her.  “Careful,” Kylo smirks.  “If you compliment Darth Vader again, I might kiss you.”

 

“Is that a threat?” Rey chuckles.

 

Is Rey flirting with him?   Yes, she’s flirting with him.  So he flirts back:  “Kylo Ren doesn’t make threats, he makes promises.”

 

“Is that so?”  Rey raises an eyebrow and looks very devilish now.  “Well, in that case, I looove Darth Vader,” she teases. 

 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”   Kylo dives for her mouth but she scoots out of the way.  Rey is very quick.  And now, he is chasing her around the room.

 

Damn, that girl is fast.  After Rey evades him the second time, he freezes her with the Force.   Rey extricates herself after a few seconds, but by that time Kylo has caught her. 

 

“That was an inappropriate use of the Force,” Rey informs him primly.  It’s very Jedi like. 

 

“I know,” Kylo answers smugly.  And then he plants one on her.  Rey basically owes him a kiss, he figures.  Plus, his grandfather is probably looking on in the Force high-fiving him.  And maybe his uncle too is glowering and blowing up huts in the Force or whatever else angry Jedi ghosts do.  And that thought just eggs Kylo on.  Eat your heart out, Luke Skywalker. You chased Rey away right into my open arms. 

 

He’s been waking up hard next to Rey in bed for a week now.  Lying awake at night listening to her breathe while he imagines doing all sorts of forbidden things to her.  It’s driving Kylo mad having Rey within easy reach but beyond his touch.  He is a devotee of Darkness so passion is his power.  He is a man who feels deeply.  And what he feels right now is pent up lust.  Lots of it.  It is overwhelming in the moment.    

 

His fervent kiss sends them both tumbling back onto the bed and Kylo quickly presses his advantage.  He is far taller, larger, and heavier, so he pins Rey easily.  But she doesn’t seem to mind because her arms pull him closer.  Yes, he thinks, put your hands on me.  Put your hands all over me. He’ll just keep this going until she pulls a sword on him again, Kylo decides.  And wait—is Rey going to stop him?  Because he is drowning her in his kiss as he grinds into her.  For her part, Rey just arches beneath him and moans.  It’s all the encouragement Kylo needs.  Excellent.  This is happening, he decides.  This is happening right here, right now. 

 

“Give me everything,” he rasps into her neck.  “Don’t say no.  Give yourself to me,” he commands in his best Dark Side seducer voice.  But it comes out needy.  Because under the mask and behind closed doors, Kylo Ren is a very needy guy.  And his neediness has an edge of desperation to it. 

 

Rey’s response is another unintelligible moan. 

 

He’ll take that as a yes.  He wants this badly and it’s the perfect setting.  Dark and Light will come together in secret, tucked away on an uninhabited world in a forgotten castle in the bed of a long ago Dark Lord.   Only the Force will know. 

 

This is years overdue, Kylo thinks.  If he had a normal life without someone preaching against attachments growing up, he would have kissed a girl with a quick peck on the lips on a dare as a preteen.  Then, he would have gotten as far as he could during teenage make out sessions at parties and after school.  By college, he would have graduated to hookups like the rest of his peers.  And then, had he not spent his twenties at war and searching for his Jedi uncle, by this point in life, he would be a real player.  The prince of Alderaan would have a hot girl tucked up under each arm as he strode in the room.  All the guys would look over and see Ben Solo with his latest pair of hotties.  Because yeah . . . he’s competitive like that.

 

But none of that ever happened.  Instead, young Ben Solo had once stolen a kiss from an older girl at Jedi camp and she had run tattling to his uncle.   That had earned him a long lecture about sublimating those urges to the Force.   It was one more way in which being a Jedi was unappealing.  Then, once he trashed his uncle’s temple, Snoke kept him far too busy for girls.  Not that there had been any girls around anyway.  The upper echelons of the First Order who paraded in and out of Snoke’s ship in those days had very few women and none of them were young.  It wasn’t until Snoke turned he and Hux loose with their own star destroyer that Kylo had access to junior female crew members of his own age.  But Kylo only looked.  He never touched.  Snoke would have gotten wind of it and there would have been Hell to pay.  For if there is one thing his old Master had insisted on, it was discipline and focus.  Even the Dark Side has rules.  And so, young Kylo Ren took to indulging in orgies of violence rather than sex.  Snoke was never going to fault him for that. 

 

And that’s why the mighty Kylo Ren now finds himself an inexperienced, thoroughly repressed thirty-year-old man.  He’s the wunderkind of the Dark Side who rules the galaxy but he’s only ever kissed two girls.   And he killed one of them in the rampage at his uncle’s temple.  It’s slightly humiliating to be in this situation.  Well . . . a lot humiliating.  But before Rey came along, there wasn’t another solution sort of commanding some underling female to go to bed with him.  And that had never appealed to Kylo.  That’s the kind of thing Hux would do. 

 

Gods, he’s as nervous as he was the first time he led troops into battle.  But like back then, there’s a first time for everything, Kylo encourages himself.  How hard can this be if the species has propagated itself billions of times over on different worlds?  Sex is supposed to be natural, right?  So, he fumbles first with his uniform and then with hers. 

 

And that alleviates any concerns Kylo has about consent.  “Let me do it,” Rey takes over when his trembling fingers don’t seem to work.   “I can do it.” 

 

And she does.  Now, they are naked in Vader’s bed together.  All this skin on skin feels so good.  Rey has the sweetest little breasts, he discovers.  Small with big nipples he licks and sucks as she sighs.  Yes, she likes that.  Does she like this?   Kylo lets his mouth and hands wander lower.  Rey squirms now and instantly he pulls back.  “Sorry,” he mumbles, “I’ll stop.”

 

“No,” she tells him, staring up with wide, trusting eyes.  “Don’t stop.  It’s just that I . . . ”

 

“Yes?” he yelps nervously.

 

“I’ve never done this before.  I don’t know what to do,” Rey confesses as she blushes to the roots of her hair. 

 

And words cannot express Kylo’s relief at this news.  Rey is new to sex too.  Maybe that’s a bad thing since neither of them has a clue what they are doing, but it feels just perfect to Kylo.  He is her first, she is his first.  This is as nerve racking and special for her as it is for him.  And, of course it is, he thinks.  For they are brought together by the Force and the Force never makes mistakes. 

 

Kylo reaches down to brush a stray lock of hair from Rey’s eyes.  “I’ve never done this before either,” he concedes, trying to sound cool about it. 

 

She visibly relaxes at this news.  “I can rebuild a hyperdrive.  I can do this,” Rey gives herself a little pep talk out loud. 

 

“I killed my Master.  I can do this,” he chimes in with one of his own. 

 

Rey nods at him. “Kiss me,” she commands and they get back to business.

 

They are two virgins fumbling at each other with open mouths and eager hands.  Neither knows their own body much, let alone their partner’s.   But they are determined to do this.  Is he seducing her or is she seducing him?  Maybe it doesn’t matter.  She reaches down to touch him and Kylo groans aloud. 

 

“Oh, stars,” Rey breathes out into his kiss.  “I didn’t know it got so big.”

 

And, umm . . . isn't that supposed to be a good thing?  Kylo is confused.  Does that comment mean she wants him to stop?   Because they have gone way too far to stop now.  He is so damn hard and his body is screaming to do this.  Kylo nudges up against her.  Rey instinctively opens her legs and now it’s time to see how this works. 

 

“Is this going to hurt?” she whispers.  And then, stoic as ever, she adds, “It’s okay if it does, but I just want to know.”

 

But he doesn't know.  Kylo looks at her blankly. 

 

“Okay, then get it over with,” Rey urges him.  As if this were something akin to setting her broken arm herself years ago.  It’s not exactly romantic, but here goes.  Kylo thrusts himself home.

 

“Oww!” Rey cries out. 

 

But he doesn’t hear her.  Kylo is lost in the moment of sensory bliss.  Oh, Gods, this woman is so soft, so slick, and so warm as she envelops him.  This is way better than his hand.  In the moment, Kylo worries that he will lose himself and it will be all over before it has begun.   He concentrates to master himself.  And then, he starts to move.  And fuck, he gets it now.  This friction, this pleasure is what poets write about, why there are at least a hundred porno channels on the holonet, and why on poor Rim worlds where there is nothing to do there are always big families.  Because sex is amazing.  Why did he wait so long to do this?   He is heaving and straining as he plows into Rey repeatedly.  Ramming deep and pulling out to sheath his body all over again.  He can’t get enough.  “Rey . . . Rey . . . ”   He moans out her name as he squints his eyes closed.  He wants to concentrate on the feeling of her body.  This woman is a gift sent to him by the Force.  Sent to spur him to kill Snoke and to become his own man in all things, even this.  Damn, he feels empowered in the moment.  And who cares if he and Rey ever balance the Force because they can do this instead.  Holy fuck, this is everything he had ever imagined.   He can’t hold out much longer.  Kylo spends himself with one last thrust and an uninhibited, quavering cry. 

 

He crashes down to collapse on Rey.   Dazzled in the afterglow, he clutches her close.  “Did I hurt you?” he pants out as he feels his body slip out of hers.  Oh, Gods, he was rough, wasn’t he?  He was rough and he hurt her--

 

“N-No,” she answers.  “No, I’m fine.   That was . . .” She pauses, searching for the word.  “Nice.”

 

Oh.  ‘Fine’ and ‘nice’ are not how he would describe it.  That had definitely not been good for her.   So much for being a player, Kylo frowns.

 

“Give me a minute,” he manages between pants.  Kylo rolls off Rey to lay beside her and catch his breath.  “Give me a minute and then we’re doing that again,” he decides.   Already he wants more of that fleeting ultimate pleasure.   A little sex has made him want a lot more.  Kylo gathers Rey closer to snuggle into him. “Next time, I’m going to make you scream, scavenger.”  Practice makes perfect, after all.  And, as a point of pride, he is determined to make this good for her.  He wants Rey to feel just like he did.  That way, she will never leave him and always be his.   Because Kylo inexorably knows that this woman is the key to everything and that he needs to hold on tightly and never let her go.  His history of rejection has made him possessive.  Maybe a little obsessive, too.  But, challenging though she can be, Rey makes him happy.  And he wants to cling to that feeling and to her forever.

 

“This means you can never leave me,” he orders as his strong arms tug her closer.  “You are mine, Rey.  Only ever mine.  I will kill any other man who looks at you.”

 

Rey laughs off his intensity.  “Careful, Ben, because that sounds like a forbidden attachment.” 

 

“I’m no Jedi.  And nothing is forbidden anymore,” he growls.  “So, yes, consider yourself attached.  In fact,” he glances up at his grandmother looking lovely in her wedding dress and acts on impulse, “I think we should get married.”

 

“Whaaat??”  Rey abruptly sits up.

 

“You wanted a family, right?  Be part of my family,” he reasons. 

 

“Be a Skywalker?” she gulps.  “No thanks.”  Rey looks dismayed.

 

“Getting married doesn’t mean you have to rule the galaxy with me,” Kylo starts negotiating.

 

“Look, you don’t have to marry me just because we slept together.” 

 

He smirks as he reaches up to fondle her breast.  “That’s how good in bed you are, Rey.”

 

She bats his hand away and her eyes narrow.  “I’ll sleep with you but I’m not joining the First Order.”

 

“All you have to do is love me,” he answers honestly.  “If you marry me, you would love me and I would love you.  And neither of us would ever be alone again.”

 

Those words hit home.  “Oh.”

 

“Is that an ‘oh yes’ or an ‘oh no?’”

 

“It’s just an oh.”

 

“Then think about it.”

 

“Isn’t this a little sudden?”

 

“No.”

 

“But—”

 

“Just think about it.”

 

“I am thinking about it.  It’s a horrible idea.”

 

Kylo disagrees.  The more he thinks about it, the better this idea gets.  “If we were married, you wouldn’t have to wear that uniform on the ship.  We wouldn’t have to invent an excuse for you to be there.  And Hux couldn’t arrest you.”

 

Rey settles back down beside him.  “The uniform isn’t so bad.  I’ve gotten used to it.”

 

“I’ll buy you your own red TIE fighter,” he offers.  “We’ll park them side by side in the hangar bay.  His and hers,” he smirks.

 

“Black,” Rey pipes up.  “Make mine black.”

 

Kylo rolls over on top of her.  “So is that a yes?” he asks.

 

“No,” she tells him as she pulls him down for a kiss.


	23. Chapter 23

“What’s that?”  A loud beeping noise begins sounding incessantly.  And that’s not coming from the cockpit.  That’s from right here in the small crew quarters.

 

“The reversion alarm,” Ben pants out.   “Forget it.”  He kisses her again.  “Forget it.”

 

And Rey does.  As soon as Ben had made the jump to hyperspace leaving Mustafar, they went to bed in a back bunk in the small crew quarters of his command shuttle.  It’s not the roomiest spot for two, but they haven’t done much sleeping.   They doze for an hour or two before they get busy once again.  Ben is making up for lost time after years of overripe virginity.  Rey is reveling in the feel of so much long long denied affection and touch.  He’s young and virile, she’s up for anything.  Neither of them can get enough. 

 

Sex gets better with practice, Rey has learned in this crash course in lust.  That first time had been scary and uncomfortable in lots of ways.   But all those fears, that discomfort, and those inhibitions are long gone.  The urgency is too.  So as she and Ben explore one another’s bodies and savor their pleasure again and again, Rey has discovered the mind blowing moment of oblivion that is the culmination of good sex.  

 

“Oh, yes.  Right there.  Oh, Ben.  Right there,” Rey pants out.  And he follows instructions, for in this at least, Ben aims to please. 

 

“Gods, Rey.  You are so hot,” he half-moans as he applies himself to the task.  What this man can do with his hips is nothing short of amazing.  But it’s nothing compared to the talent of his fingers and his tongue . . .

 

And oooh.   “Oh, right there.  Oh, yeaaah.  Don’t stop!”  Never stop, Rey thinks. 

 

He doesn’t.  Ben picks up the pace and soon the intensity of her pleasure cannot be denied.  Rey’s mind goes blank once again she tips into wild abandon.  Is he done?  Rey doesn’t know.  She can’t think straight for a good minute afterwards.  But, yes, Ben must be done because he comes crashing down on her.  He’s heavy, but the weight of him feels so delicious.   So male.

 

“You’re getting good at that,” Ben remarks as he rolls off of her.  Side by side, the two of them are a tight fit in the travel bunk built for one.  It means their bodies are still entangled, warm and messy.  Rey loves this.  Afterglow is definitely the best part.  Well . . . almost the best part.  “How many is that?” he wonders aloud.

 

“I’ve lost count.”  Rey loses track of everything in the arms of Ben Solo.  He’s that distracting and consuming.   But now the real world abruptly comes back.  Rey once more becomes aware of the beeping noise.  “What is that?” she half sits up.

 

“Reversion alarm.”

 

Reversion alarm?  Can they really be about to exit hyperspace?  “Wait?  We can’t be at Coruscant yet.” 

 

“We’re not.”

 

That answer has Rey spooked.  There is a war going on, after all, and this ship is very recognizable.  “Are we interdicted?” she yelps, looking to Ben.

 

He’s unconcerned.  “Relax, we’re fine.  I always come out of hyperspace with full shields up.”

 

But Rey is already climbing over him and yanking the sheet with her as she heads for the cockpit to investigate.   Life in the desert has her ever vigilant.  This girl takes no unavoidable chances.

 

Ben follows stark naked after her. 

 

They stand there side by side looking out on the orange-white small planet that looms up ahead.  Rey’s jaw drops, then her eyes narrow as suspicion dawns.  “That looks like—”

 

“It is.”

 

“Jakku?  Why are we going there?” she whirls on Ben.  And does he have to look so damn attractive still?  She’s instantly mad but just looking at his muscled sleekness takes the edge off of her mood.  Ben’s hair is all askew like she likes it.  And seeing his bed head reminds Rey of how it tickles her thighs as he kisses down below . . .

 

“Mustafar was in the neighborhood,” he shrugs.  “I thought we might as well drop by.”

 

Drop by??  No one drops by Jakku if they can avoid it.  Rey turns back to gaze upon the desolate world that is the source of her strength and her sorrow.  Her next words come out soft and weak, like a plea.  “Do we have to?”

 

He must see how unsettled she is, for Ben comes up from behind to encircle her in his arms.  “Just show me one wreck,” he whispers huskily in her ear. “And then we’ll kill Uncle Plutt and go home.”

 

“Unkar Plutt,” she corrects him.  “And killing him won’t change anything on Jakku.”

 

“Who cares?”  He pulls her closer.  “This isn’t about cleaning up Jakku.  This is about revenge.  I will give you revenge, Rey.  I will make that man pay for what he did to you.”

 

“That sounds very Sith,” she grumbles.

 

“Go get dressed.” He releases her and bends to hand back the bed sheet she had been clutching about her before Rey caught sight of Jakku.  “You’re piloting since you know where we are going.”

 

“You’re not taking no for an answer, are you?” Rey sighs.

 

He grins unrepentant.  “I never do.”

 

Ten minutes later, Rey sets the shuttle down in the middle of the ships graveyard.  The battle wreckage is strewn for miles across the desert, but this is the highest concentration of what fell from the sky that fateful day thirty years ago.  This is where the big capital shipwrecks languish in the desert sun, slowly decaying in ghostly repose.   They are giant metal tombs for thousands of lost souls resting within.

 

In the copilot seat beside her, Ben is as captivated and as interested as she had been during the approach to Mustafar.  “You really get a sense of scale for these ships when you see them on land,” he remarks.  “Is that a super star destroyer?”

 

“Yes.  That’s the _Ravager_.  It’s largely intact up front, but in the back the engines basically cooked the crew quarters on impact.  There’s a lot of dead men in that wreck,” Rey says matter-of-fact.  “The fire incinerated much of the major system mechanics.” 

 

“What’s that one?”

 

“The _Inflictor_.  That wreck is in good shape.  It looks like she was scuttled rather than crashed.”

 

“That’s right.  I remember now.  The _Inflictor_ was boarded and the captain took her down to keep her out of Rebel hands.  It’s been a long time since I thought about this battle, but it’s coming back,” Ben tells her.  She can hear the fascination in his voice.

 

Maybe Rey ought to be proud to show Ben her home.  After all, she knows all there is to know about these wrecks and the Battle of Jakku.  But Rey doesn’t feel that way.  She feels ashamed that her meager desert AT-AT won’t compare at all to the Skywalker ancestral castle on Mustafar.  There is nothing here to see on Jakku except history, and that history is Ben’s family history too.  Scavenger Rey is just another interloper among many in his family’s long list of conflicts.  Rey and everyone else here—from the mummified dead bodies to the hardscrabble residents of the Niima Outpost—are only here because of what prior generations of Skywalkers did.

 

And that realization is a gut check for Rey.  For what is she thinking getting involved with this man?  Ben Solo is a Skywalker and that makes him one of the most dangerous persons in the universe.  Rey of Jakku has spent her whole life running from danger, only fighting when it was her last resort.  It’s what kept her alive.  And yet, here she is, willingly living with this man and eager for his kiss.  And now, she’s doing two things she thought she would never do:  wear a First Order uniform and, yet again, go back to Jakku.  What is it about this man that he makes her cross boundaries and do things she ordinarily would not?    How did she allow herself to get swept up into his war and into his arms?  It’s not that Rey has regrets, it’s more that her path to this point has been so sudden and unexpected even if it was her choice.

 

The few times she has tried to explain this feeling to Ben, he has just nodded and told her solemnly it is the Force at work.

 

“Well, here we are.”  Rey sighs as she deploys the shuttle ramp and looks over at Ben.  They are both in heavy black wool uniforms that were designed to be worn in the cold of space.  “Neither of us is dressed for this.”

 

“We won’t be here long.”  Ben says this like an apology.   “Just show me one of the big ones.  We’ll make this quick.”

 

Rey nods.  “Okay.  Make sure you take a weapon and keep it handy.  This is a dangerous place.” 

 

It’s midday on Jakku as they disembark and the desert sun is at peak intensity.  After the cold of space, it actually feels kind of good.   Rey shields her eyes with her hand and takes a good look around.  There will be other scavengers close by, she knows.   No doubt, they are hiding as they assess the threat that she and Ben pose.   For on Jakku, the default setting for everyone is hostile.  It’s best to assume someone is a threat and treat them as a foe.

 

Ben starts to wander around.  He’s inspecting the remains of a downed X-wing.  “This is a T-65.  My uncle had one of these,” he calls.

 

Rey doesn’t answer.  She’s still scanning the scene for threats.  And, wait—is that who she thinks it is?  Yes, it is.  And there’s a familiar looking luggabeast tethered over there.  That makes sense.  Old Teedo always liked to scavenge this wreck.  Where is he?  Rey steps forward and feels her adrenaline kick in.  Yep, there he is and he has a weapon drawn.

 

Rey hollers loudly “Tal’ama parqual!”  Then, she plants her feet and lights her sword. 

 

Instantly, she has Ben’s attention.  He follows her eyes to the masked reptilian scavenger who is wrapped in bandages from head to toe to retain his skin’s moisture in the heat.  Ben pulls his sword too but doesn’t light it.  “Who is that?”

 

“Tal’ama parqual!”  Rey repeats her fighting words and her rival retreats.  “Tal’ama parqual, asshole!” she jeers for good measure.  Because when in Jakku, you act Jakku.  She waits until he collects his luggabeast and is gone before she extinguishes her sword.  “That’s just Teedo,” she explains for Ben’s benefit.  “He’s a scavenger who likes to steal other people’s finds.  I beat him with my stick once when he tried to steal some power cells I found.  He’s been scared of me ever since.”

 

“I’m not sure he recognized you.”

 

“He did.  His kind have a great sense of smell.  He would recognize me by smell.”  Rey shoots Ben a look.  This is her turf and she’s in her element.  So if the mighty Kylo Ren wants to survive Jakku, he had better listen to her.  “Alright, what did you want to see?  Let’s get this over with,” she informs him gruffly.  “Teedo will be back to try to steal your ship.”

 

“The holochrons are on there,” Ben says with true alarm.  Because, of course, Ben’s first concern is the Force.   Not that they will get marooned on Jakku without any water in desert.  But whatever, first things first if you’re a Skywalker, Rey thinks.  And that is always the Force.

 

“Show me that ship,” Ben gestures to the _Ravager_.  “I just want to get a feel for this place and then we’ll leave.”

 

So Rey leads him into the fuselage of the downed super star destroyer.  It’s dim but there are intermittent shafts of light that filter down from holes many stories above.  Together she and Ben walk what’s left of the giant star destroyer’s main hangar bay, stepping over bodies and debris as they go.  There are wrecked TIEs, troop carriers, shuttles, and other equipment that must have bounced around inside on impact.  It’s almost like the behemoth ship was a child’s toy that has been shaken and then dropped.  

 

“This place is like a house of horrors,” Ben observes as he nudges a moldering pile of bones and fabric that once was a man.  A bunch of beetles crawl out and skitter away as Ben looks repulsed.  Rey fights the urge to laugh at this uncharacteristic squeamishness.

 

“I always wondered why the Empire never came to collect the bodies,” Rey muses aloud.  “Most of the dead here are Imperials.  There are probably thousands of casualties in all these wrecks.” 

 

Ben thinks a moment.  “It was probably because the Empire didn’t have the manpower left.  This was the bitter end of the war, years after the major systems had fallen and Vader and the Emperor were dead.   Back then, the whole galaxy fell apart.  All the infrastructure and organization of the Empire just crumbled away in the vacuum of leadership.   And then, the New Republic took much longer than anyone thought to get up and running.  Things like this,” he gestures to the human remains he disturbed, “just fell through the cracks.”  And now Ben is very solemn as he intones, “Leaders matter.  They hold things together when times are tough.”

 

The way he says this makes Rey understand Ben is speaking of himself.  Of the many responsibilities he has now in the wake of Snoke.  Ben is once again in a reflective mood.  She’s getting used to how this man can abruptly alternate between soliloquies about the Force and his family and then blunt observations and commands.   He is far from unthinking, even if he can be impetuous at times.

 

Rey takes a deep breath and looks around at the gloomy decay.  It’s familiar, of course, but after her long absence at the First Order she looks on with fresh eyes today.  “I hate war,” she sighs aloud.  “I hate what it leads people to do.  How it justifies things like the Starkiller and Death Stars.  I hate the waste of it all.  I know you love the Empire, Ben, but there is no glory here.  Just death and defeat and suffering.”  Rey’s eyes find the skeleton on the floor and she repeats, “I hate the waste of it all.”  The wasted lives, the wasted resources, the sheer futility of war gets to Rey.  For nothing was accomplished here on Jakku.  Nothing lasting, that is.  A generation after this doomed Empire fell, it rose again in the form of the First Order.  With a Skywalker at the helm, naturally. 

 

Ben seems to understand her melancholy mood.  He mirrors it too.  “This is good for me to see, Rey,” he tells her as he paces around a bit.  “These wrecks are a reminder of how fleeting power can be.  And how easily victory can turn into defeat.   Vader and Palpatine underestimated the Rebellion and sowed the seeds of their own demise.  But my mother and Mon Mothma and their cronies never rose to the occasion when their time came.”  He sighs audibly now and his broad shoulders slump.  Rey has come to appreciate how much the past frustrates Ben.  It’s one more reason he wants to win.

 

“I bet both the Empire and the Rebellion thought they were right.  Just like the First Order and the Resistance do now.   I’ve seen the people on your ship, Ben.  I’ve heard them chatting in the elevator.  There are good people among your rank and file.”

 

“There are good people everywhere,” he agrees.  Then, he takes it a step further.  “There are always heroes on both sides.”  The statement is simultaneously cynical and enlightened.  And that’s very Ben, Rey has come to see.  It’s moments like these that make her want to believe in this man.  For he’s a strange mix of resigned pragmatism and romantic ideals.   There is much more than just bitterness and rage to Kylo Ren. 

 

“There were Skywalkers on both sides of this war too,” Rey makes a face.  “You know, if I had a family, I would never let politics come between us the way your family does.”  She would have found a way to make things work.

 

“You don’t have to be the Skywalkers to have family drama, Rey.  Lots of families fight.”

 

“Not over the galaxy and the Force,” she gripes.  For this is no run of the mill domestic disturbance or family feud.   This is a recurring galactic civil war with billions of lives in the balance.

 

Ben being Ben, he takes this as an opening to return to his favorite topic.  “That’s why we should get married,” he informs her.  “So we will be a family.  So we can work through these issues together.”

 

“Don’t start,” Rey complains.  “Getting married is the last step in a relationship.  Not the first.”

 

“Who says?”

 

“Everyone.  But you apparently.”  Rey is annoyed to be discussing this yet again.  “Isn’t it enough that we are together?   Why rush things?”

 

“I don’t want to lose you.”  He looks her in the eye as he says this.  In the moment, he looks like a scared little boy and not like the Dark Side’s tall, strapping prince.  The man who leads the First Order at a mere thirty years old.  “I don’t want to lose you, Rey” he says again.

 

Rey shakes her head at this logic.  “Getting married is no guarantee of that.”

 

But he persists, marching towards her and waving a finger as he warns, “This is not just an affair.  I want my happily ever after.  Is that too much to ask?”

 

She crosses her arms defensively and shoots him a look.  “Since when has anyone in your family gotten a happy ending?”

 

“Since us.  We will be the first.  Because we will stay together through it all and work together instead of against each other.”

 

Rey looks away and exhales.  “You sound like you have this all worked out,” she gripes.

 

“I do.  But it won’t work without you.”

 

Rey now reverts to her usual tactic to put him off.  “I need time.  Maybe in a year—“

 

“Don’t make me wait that long.”

 

“Stop pushing, Ben!” she lashes out now.  “You’re freaking me out.”

 

“Oh, Rey,” he steps forward to pull her close.  “You’ve just never had anyone care for you before like I do.  Marry me, scavenger,” he whispers as he goes in for a kiss.

 

She eludes him easily and steps back.  “I watched you kill your father.  I know what you do to people who love you. Now back off!”  She turns away.  “Let’s talk about something else.”

 

“Rey, I will never hurt you.”

 

Yeah, right.  “You once threw me into a tree.”   And invaded her mind and a host of other transgressions Rey would rather not list. 

 

“We were enemies then.  Rey, don’t focus on our past.  Focus on our future.  It’s like I told you.  You and I are what matter.  Not politics, not the war.”

 

Rey changes the topic.  They have rehearsed this conversation enough times for Rey to know that neither of them will give in.  It’s best to just move on.  “Seen enough?” 

 

Just being on Jakku puts her in a bad mood.  Maybe what they say is true and you can never go home again.  Because you are not the same person even if home is the same place.  Rey returned first to Jakku to lick her wounds and to come to grips with the devastating news of her family.  She returns this time a reluctant tour guide with a bad attitude, for she’s a woman who now has a front row seat to civil war.   After spending weeks living on the _Finalizer_ , Rey can never look at these old wrecks filled with bodies the same way. 

 

Did he hear her?  “Seen enough?” Rey says again impatiently.

 

“Are you going to let me go kill this Plutt guy?” Ben asks.

 

“No.”

 

For once, he accepts that answer.  “Then I guess we’re through.  It’s hot.  And I’m sandy enough.  I hate sand.”

 

“Yeah, it gets everywhere,” Rey agrees, happy their conflict has passed.  For now.

 

“Do you want to see your AT-AT?”  He looks to her as they walk back to the ship.

 

Rey shakes her head.  “No.  I’m never going back there.” 

 

“Good,” he approves.  “Your home now is with me.”

 

One shower, twelve hours, and more sex later, they return to Ben’s flagship orbiting Coruscant.  He kisses her thoroughly at the top of the shuttle ramp before jamming on his helmet and marching off for the bridge.  Rey heads straight for Ben’s quarters with her stash of holochrons hidden in a bag.  After another shower and a fresh uniform, she’s off to the infirmary.  There’s something she needs to do. 

 

It turns out to be a rather inefficient errand.  Walk-ins like Rey without acute injury or sickness keep getting bumped to the back of the list.  It's strictly triage here in the medibay of a battleship in a war zone. 

 

“Solo?  Next patient is Solo,” a voice calls.

 

Finally, it is Rey’s turn.  She sits down with a nurse who has a droid standing at her shoulder. 

 

“What seems to be the problem, Lieutenant?” the woman asks without looking up from her datapad.

 

Rey takes a deep breath.  “I want some birth control.”

 

The nurse puts down her datapad and looks up.  She sighs and recites, “As all crew members are aware, regulations prohibit fraternizing between unmarried persons while on active duty.”   Then the nurse fixes a pointed look at Rey.  “Active duty female crew members are only permitted contraception when necessary to keep them combat ready.  Meaning you suffer from endometriosis, severe premenstrual syndrome, or ovarian or fibroid cysts that require contraception to control.”

 

“Oh.”  Now what does she do?

 

The nurse looks at Rey expectantly before prompting her, “I see no medical records in your file, Lieutenant.  So perhaps you could tell me which condition you have so we can update our records to show how you qualify for the shot?”

 

Rey isn’t slow on the uptake.  “The first one. The one that’s hard to pronounce.”  Rey nods furiously at the woman.   “Yep.  That’s the one I have.  I was diagnosed at my last post.”

 

“Endometriosis?” the woman asks with raised eyebrows.

 

“Yes. That’s it.”  Rey has no idea what that is.

 

“Fine.  I’ll just put this in your chart,” the nurse says with a wink.  “Droid, administer a contraceptive shot for the Lieutenant, please.”   As Rey peels off her uniform jacket to expose her upper arm for the injection, the nurse looks up.  “Oh, wait.  I see here you are married.  Well, in that case, we’ll hold off on that diagnosis for now.”

 

“M-Married?” Rey stammers.  Then she thinks better of it.  “Yes, I’m married,” she declares.

 

“Sorry, hun,” the nurse looks a bit embarrassed.   “You should have spoken up.  I didn’t see a ring so I just assumed you were single. But your husband is listed here in your file as your next of kin.  So, you’re good.”   The nurse leans forward and smiles now.   News that Rey is married makes her suddenly friendlier.  “I’ve got a furlough next week so I’ll be getting one of these shots too before I visit my husband.   We’re newlyweds.  Not ready for kids yet.  But maybe when the war ends.”   The nurse must feel she has discovered some kinship with Rey because she keeps prattling on as the droid stabs Rey with the shot.  “Jakku, huh?   Don’t see many from there.  Tell me, is it exciting in Intel?  That sounds like such a glamorous job.  Way more exciting than nursing.”

 

“Yeah, Intel is good,” Rey improvises.  Her mind is racing and she’s very curious now.  “Hey, would it be okay if I take a peek at my records?  They had a few things wrong about my last posting when I was transferred here.  I want to make sure they have my husband’s”—Rey forces herself not to choke on the word—“contact information correct.”

 

“Sure.  Here.  Bottom left.”   The nurse hands over her datapad.  “Is something wrong?”

 

“No.  Nothing,” Rey answers as she glares at the name ‘Ben Solo’ listed as her spouse.

 

“You’re really young,” the nurse observes.  “You must be a newlywed too, eh?”

 

“Yeah,” Rey breathes out as her face hardens.  “It’s very recent.”

 

“Well, congratulations to you.  The shot is nearly one hundred percent effective.  But it’s easily reversible at any time in case you and Mr. Solo decide to help populate the Rim.  The Order is still giving bonuses to military families who have more than two children, you know.”

 

“Uh. Yeah. Okay.  Thanks.”  Rey hurries to replace her uniform jacket now.  She’s anxious to leave.

 

“Remember, Lieutenant,” the nurse tells Rey as she stands, “that shot only protects for pregnancy.  I’m required to tell you that the shot does not protect for sexually transmitted diseases.  But a married woman in a monogamous relationship has a low risk of that sort of thing.  Alright, you’re good.  Nice to meet you, Lieutenant.  Good luck.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Rey’s face is a thundercloud as she makes her way through the _Finalizer_ at a fast clip.   She’s half tempted to storm the bridge to confront Ben.  She’s feeling maneuvered and misled and that man is definitely sleeping on the couch tonight. 

 

It turns out to be hours before Ben arrives back to his quarters.  In the meantime, Rey’s anger has not cooled.  “Why do my official First Order records say that we are married?” she demands as soon as Ben walks through the door.

 

“Do they?”

 

Rey knows that he is pretending ignorance.  “Oh, come on!” She confronts him as he strips off his helmet and gloves.  “Just how long ago did you decide that we were getting married?” she wants to know.

 

“Truthfully?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“On the Starkiller when you stole the Skywalker saber from me with the Force.”

 

Huh?  “Really?”  Because Ben had then proceeded to swing his sword at her, if memory serves.

 

“Yes.  I think I fell for you right then,” Ben smirks.  And he must see that she is working up to a big lecture, because he preemptively cuts her off.  “Look, your ID needed to look ordinary at first glance so I put myself down as your next of kin.  There was no one else to list who wasn’t in the Resistance.  Relax.  It’s mostly to identify your body if you are a casualty of war.”

 

“But—”

 

“Look, I know how you feel about marrying me.  You’ve made it very clear.  So don’t overreact.”

 

Rey juts out her hip and crosses her arms over her chest.  “And the name Solo?  What was that about?”

 

“I told you. I wanted to give you a name you wouldn't forget if you were nervous.”

 

“This is creepy stalker stuff,” Rey informs him.

 

“Or,” he counters, “this is a way to construct a credible disguise to keep you safe.”

 

“No, this is creepy stalker stuff,” Rey maintains, determined to cling to the moral high ground.

 

“Can you actually stalk your live-in girlfriend?  Is that really a thing?”

 

“I’m not your girlfriend,” Rey retorts.

 

“Then what are you?”

 

Er . . . what are they exactly?  Rey doesn’t have an easy answer, so she punts.  “Do we have to put a label on it?”

 

“Normally, people do.”   Now he looks hurt.  And when Ben Solo is hurt, he hurts back.  “Look, Rey, I get the message.  If you want to be my secret Resistance whore, that’s fine by me.  But don’t say I didn't offer you more!”  He shoots her a look that could kill as he rages on, “You know that you push people away, right?  You do this to yourself!”

 

“You are being very overbearing and I resent it!” Rey hisses.  But she’s talking to Ben’s back because he’s already walking away.  He strips off his cape as he heads for the bedroom with Rey on his heels.  She’s not done with this argument.  She stands there fuming in silence as she watches Ben put down his sword.  Then he starts stripping off his tunic with jerky, angry movements.

 

“Did you go to the infirmary?”  He asks this in a more normal tone as he sits on the bed and starts yanking off his boots.  But his body language still betrays how angry he is.

 

“Yes.  I got the shot.  The last thing I need is to have you knock me up.”  And that maybe came out a bit too harsh.  Again, Ben shoots her a hurt look.

 

He doesn’t even look at her as he says, “You know, if you get pregnant, I will take care of you, Rey.  I would always be there for you and for our child.  I would never walk away.”

 

Whatever.  She brushes him off.  “That’s not an issue.  The nurse said this shot was very effective.  And besides, I can take--”

 

“Care of yourself,” he finishes for her.  “Yeah, I know.  Say it, Rey!  Just say it!  You don’t need me or anyone else!  Thanks to Jakku, you’re so damned independent that all you need is you!”

 

And now Rey realizes that she has overstepped.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I’m not good with stuff like this.  I don’t have any experience with guys.”

 

“It wouldn’t matter,” he accuses, “You’d still be the same.  You are my fucking mother all over again!”

 

And, whoa.  How did they get to that??  “I’m going to go watch a holochron,” Rey decides just to end this conversation. “I’ll order dinner.  Do you want something?”

 

“Get me the usual.”

 

“Fine.”  Rey stalks off. 

 

Maybe this argument was bound to happen, Rey reasons as she glowers out the window at Coruscant.  She and Ben just spent three days straight alone traveling to and from Mustafar and Jakku.  And they are two very intense people who just shared a lot of intense time together in bed and out.  That has clearly created expectations for Ben that they have never discussed.   For her part, Rey has no desire to talk further.  It will just be another shouting match.  Plus, Rey is probably the only woman in the galaxy who doesn’t like to talk about her feelings.  Not to Ben or anyone else.   

 

Half an hour later, Ben wanders out of the bedroom.  He’s shirtless in sleep pants with wet hair.  Rey is sitting on the floor fiddling with a holochron she has yet to open.  She hasn’t been able to concentrate sufficiently.  Well, the truth is she has given up.

 

“Are you eating?” Ben asks as he sits down before his plate at the table and looks over at her food still untouched.

 

Rey shakes her head.  “I’m not hungry.”

 

That is apparently not an acceptable answer.  Ben bluntly announces, “Stop pouting and come eat.  I have a job for you that we should discuss.”

 

Rey climbs to her feet.  “I thought my job here was holochrons and Jedi books.”

 

“I want you to negotiate for the Core.”

 

“What?”  Now, he has her attention.  Rey crosses the room to sit down across from him.

 

“I’ve thought about what you said at the castle,” he tells her as he shovels in bites of food.  Everything about Ben’s demeanor says he is angry still.  “About giving in on a Senate and positioning myself against Snoke. Those were good ideas, Rey.  I just wasn’t prepared to hear them then.”

 

“You were listening . . . “

 

“Don’t sound so surprised!” he snaps.  “You wouldn’t be here if your opinions about the Force and the future didn’t matter to me.   You’re one of a handful of people who will tell me what you really think.  I think your ideas are worth a try.  We’ll negotiate in secret like we are now and if it fails and news leaks out we will just deny it.  I can always find the leakers and kill them,” he adds offhand.

 

“You want me to negotiate on behalf of the First Order to get Coruscant and Corellia to surrender?”  Rey wants to be sure she’s understanding correctly. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“But I’m not in the First Order, remember?”  If anything, Rey ought to be negotiating for the other side.

 

Ben is clearly anticipating this rejoinder because he shoots her an exasperated look.  “I want you to make peace.  It’s very Jedi-like, Rey.  Who better than you to give this a try?  Plus, you’re my Special Assistant for Resistance Intelligence so you know how these revolutionaries think.”

 

“Would I have to be in the same room with Hux?”

 

“Maybe.  He won’t bother you.  But take your sword to make you feel better just in case.”

 

“Uhmm . . . “ she stalls as Ben looks to her expectantly.

 

“It was your idea,” he reminds her.  “If you cut a deal, think of all the lives you will save.  You’ll be a hero.  And you will have accomplished more for democracy than my mother’s warmongering ever did.”

 

“I’m not sure,” Rey hedges.

 

Ben isn’t hearing it.  “It’s time to step up.  You wanted to know your place in all of this conflict, right?  Well, here it is.  As a dealmaker for peace.”

 

Rey looks down.  If she does this, she could be exposed for the uneducated Rim scavenger she is.   So she tells Ben flat out, “I’m not qualified for this.” 

 

“Sure, you are.  You’re more qualified than my overeducated business school types.  They have mostly book learning and not actual experience.  You cut deals for a living and the downside risk was that you died.  The worst that can happen here is that you fail and other people die.  And I can live with that.”

 

“I don’t know,” she equivocates, shaking her head.

 

Ben puts his fork down and considers her.  “Now where is the confident girl who a few minutes ago was telling me off?”  It’s a serious question as he searches her eyes and Rey squirms in her seat.  “Where is the girl who yesterday told that guy on Jakku to go fuck himself as she pulled her sword?”

 

“This isn’t negotiating for portions and odd jobs, Ben.”

 

“Maybe not, but the principles are the same.  It’s the roles that are reversed.  This time you are Uncle Plutt and Coruscant and Corellia are you.   Rey, you’ve got this.  You won’t be doing it alone.  I can give you as many boring experts as you want to help.  But you’ll be in charge and everyone answers to you.  You, in turn, only answer to me.”

 

“What are the parameters?” she asks, considering.

 

“There are no parameters.  Cut a deal and bring it to me.  If it’s doable, I’ll accept and announce the war is at an end.  So . . . you’ll do it?”  When she remains silent, Ben tries another ploy.  “Do this for me and I promise not to raise the topic of marriage again.  We’ll table that discussion for a year like you said.”

 

Rey likes the sound of that.  “So, you will stop pressuring me?”

 

He nods, looking resigned.  “I won’t ask you for a commitment.  We won’t talk about it unless you bring it up.” 

 

“Fair enough,” Rey agrees.  She takes a deep breath.  “Okay.  I’ll try the negotiating.”

 

“Good,” he approves.  “Now, if you’re not eating, then let’s get you out of that uniform.”

 

“Whaaat?”  Rey blinks.

 

“We’re due.  It’s been a whole day since we’ve gone to bed.”

 

How is he figuring that?  “That was a different time zone.”  It’s probably more like twelve hours at the most, Rey decides.

 

“It’s been too long.”

 

What is this—makeup sex?  “You have a one-track mind Supreme Leader Ren,” Rey complains half-heartedly.

 

“Three tracks, Rey.   My mind thinks of three things:  the Force, you, and war.”

 

“In that order?”

 

“Probably,” he smirks.  “Now, unbutton that uniform.  Slowly,” he instructs.  Rey plays along mostly to humor him.  And because she is anxious to move past their fight.  She doesn’t like it when they fight.   They can both be prickly people and they tend to bicker all the time about politics.  But this is different.  This marriage talk matters in a much more personal way.   It makes Rey worried that Ben wants her to be someone she’s not sure she can be.  And now, somehow she has gotten herself talked into negotiating on behalf of the First Order.  It can be very irritating how Ben always seems to get what he wants.

 

“Damn, I’m so glad you don’t wear a bra.  That is so hot,” Ben breathes out as he watches.

 

Rey rolls her eyes.  “I’m so flat chested that I don’t need a bra.”

 

“You don’t need panties either.  Take those off next.”

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

He and Rey have been over this together last night as pillow talk and then again this morning over breakfast.  Rey knows he wants peace and she knows what he’s prepared to do for it.  But now Kylo spouts out a truncated version of those instructions before the larger First Order team as he introduces Rey as their new leader.  Kylo may have his helmet off here before his senior policy advisors, but he is his typical terse self.  Barking out his wishes to the roomful of subordinates standing at stiff attention.

 

“This is Lieutenant Solo.  She’s in charge of these negotiations starting now.  Your orders are to help her get the best deal possible to end the war.”  Kylo slowly scans the room, deliberately focusing on each face before he drops his bombshell reveal.  “We will agree to a Senate in exchange for peace.  Your job is to fill in the details.  I want a peace accord hammered out.  Ready to be announced with a document to release to the press.”

 

His most senior political advisor speaks up.  “But Supreme Leader, General Hux has told them twice now that we won’t even consider a Senate.” 

 

Who cares?  Kylo has no problem throwing Hux under the bus.  “Things have changed,” he bluntly announces.  “Structure the Senate so we will have de facto control. Representation should be by system and not by population.”  

 

Kylo turns back to Rey. “Lieutenant, the political advisors and the lawyers here will help you figure out what you want on term length, quorum, Senate rules, and the rest of the details.  Start with the Imperial Senate as your template.  When in doubt, default to what the Empire did.  And defer as many of the details as you can.  The less said about this Senate, the better.”

 

“Yes, Sir,” Rey dutifully pipes up.  She says this in her crisp Coruscant accent that Kylo hopes will lead everyone to assume Rey is an Exile.  Rey is so worried about being exposed for her limited education.  It will be fine, Kylo has told her again and again.  She is only half convinced, he knows. 

 

“What matters will this new Senate determine, Supreme Leader?” the senior political advisor now asks the most important question.  A transcript of the man’s words would not betray his deep misgivings.  It’s all in the delivery. 

 

Kylo ignores it.  “The Senate will determine whatever I decide.  And only what I decide.  Dig out the old Imperial Senate charter and update it.  Call it a constitution this time around.  Cloak it in flowery words of democracy.”

 

“Democracy, Sir?”  It’s the First Order General Counsel looking very alarmed.  Probably because he might have to do his job, Kylo thinks cynically.  Lawyers in the First Order are mostly for show to rubber stamp the legalities of executions and to negotiate arms deals.   Kylo fights the urge to roll his eyes at the man. 

 

“Yes, democracy.  But a very illusory democracy.  I leave that to you crafty lawyer types to concoct.”

 

Kylo turns now to the remaining cadre of experts.  “Brainstorm a list of items we can give on that won’t cost me any power.  Where we locate the capital world, war reparations, apologies for war crimes, whatever.  That’s your currency to start horse trading.  I don’t care about credits or words, I only care about power.”

 

“Apologies, Sir?” The flabbergasted General Counsel looks ready to choke.  Kylo watches as he exchanges glances with the senior political guy who spoke up earlier.  Their expressions say it all:  what the Hell is Kylo Ren thinking?

 

“Yes, apologies,” Kylo snaps backs.  He’s annoyed at all this pushback.  No one would ever have dared to speak to Snoke like this. “Talk is cheap.  We’ll get Hux to say it.  And he only has to say it.  He doesn’t have to mean it.”

 

“Sir, this is a distinct departure from our prior discussions.”  It’s the political guy again.  Kylo decides he hates that guy. 

 

So he sets him straight. “Those discussions went nowhere and I am losing patience.  Fast.  Lieutenant Solo is here to get things back on track.  She is in charge.”

 

Kylo turns to tell Rey what he mostly wants the others to hear:  “Nothing is sacred other than power.  Give them my mercy but do not give away my power.   We will need it to keep the local systems in line and to bring order to the galaxy.  We are not reestablishing the Republic,” he disavows the fear he knows is on everyone’s mind.

 

“Understood, Sir.”

 

“These experts are here to help you, Lieutenant.  Dismiss any who are not helpful.  And don’t let them bog you down.  They tend to talk too long and repeat themselves.”

 

“Understood, Sir.”

 

“Do not worry about selling the deal to the Order.  Hux and I will handle that.”

 

Yet again, Rey nods.  “Understood, Sir.”

 

“Go next door to float the idea of a Senate.  Let the enemy tell you what they want first.  Get their wish list so we don’t compromise on things they won’t care about.  Do not inadvertently get drawn into negotiating against yourself,” he admonishes.  Then, he tosses Rey a comlink.  “Page me when you need me.”

 

Rey accepts the comlink.  Then, she tells him with a confidence he knows to be forced, “We won’t bother you.  You are the heavy, Sir.  We will only bring you in if there is a deal to accept or things are falling apart.”

 

“Fine.  Keep the military types out of here,” he warns Rey.  Again, this is for the benefit of the others and not for her.  “The goal here is peace.  Their job is war.  And the war keeps up until peace is agreed.”   Kylo looks around the room again pointedly.  “We will achieve peace through strength.  Write as much lofty verbiage as you need to, but make no mistake this is peace under threat of destruction.  This is how peace is achieved:  one side wins and then you negotiate the terms of surrender.  No one ever laid down arms in a war because they were convinced of the other side’s superior position.”

 

Kylo ends his orders with an outright threat. “The existence and substance of these negotiations are secret.  I will personally kill anyone in this room who talks.  This deal will be controversial, so we will need to control the messaging both to our own people and to the enemy.   Now get to work.”

 

With one last nod to Rey, Kylo stalks off to the bridge.  Hux is there, of course.

 

Kylo knows Hux complains behind his back that he spends too much time in direct oversight of the war.  That as Supreme Leader he should delegate the day-to-day to others, namely him.  But Kylo doesn’t trust Hux and his cronies any farther than he can throw them without the Force.  That’s why Kylo feels the need to be a visible and constant presence of oversight.  Plus, if he’s going to announce a peace deal that many will view as a betrayal, he can’t afford to look less than dutiful and vigilant on the Order’s behalf. 

 

Kylo might not be the most self-aware person, but he knows he lacks the goodwill and respect that Snoke had.  His Dark Master spent years stroking egos and funding pet projects to buy political and military influence all over the Rim.  Those allies had personal and political allegiance to Snoke.  Very little of that appears to have transferred to his successor Kylo Ren.  He is judged too impulsive and erratic by some.  His motives are suspect and the circumstances of Snoke’s death are sketchy.  Plus, the years Kylo spent as Snoke’s extra-military enforcer questing for Luke Skywalker have him far too distinct from the armies he now purports to lead.  Kylo knows that General Hux with his blowhard rhetoric and visibility to civilians and troops alike is far more popular.  The trouble is that Hux is also smart.  Very smart.     Ambitious too.  Kylo knows Armitage Hux well enough to know to watch his back.  Kylo just doesn’t want to appear like he’s watching his back. 

 

But the truth is that Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is vulnerable.  And the longer the war drags on, the more vulnerable he becomes.   He needs this peace deal as an excuse to crackdown and solidify his position within the First Order.  But it’s a risky move because this deal could prod Hux into making his play for power.  A lot is riding on what Rey is doing downstairs in that conference room.  She’s the only person Kylo trusts to do this for her motives are pure.  Rey really is in this for peace.   And maybe a little for him too, Kylo hopes.  But who knows?

 

Hours later during a break in his schedule, Kylo returns to his quarters.   With Rey safely ensconced in a conference room floors above, there is something Kylo has been intrigued about and wanting to try in private.  He enters his rooms, stripping off his helmet and gloves.  Then he starts poking through the stack of holochrons that Rey has left heaped on the table.  They all look similar on the exterior and give no hint of what secrets lie within.  So, he randomly selects one and heads for his meditation room.  Sitting before his grandfather’s mask, Kylo turns the small cube over in his hands. 

 

Will it open for him? 

 

He has been steeped in the Force since childhood but he was a teenager the last time he attempted to connect with the Force like a Jedi.  And even then, he hadn’t been very good at it.  But here goes. 

 

Kylo takes a deep breath and clears his mind. He pushes aside the stresses of the day and the distraction of fifty thousand other minds on his ship.  He leaves behind the concerns for the state of his war and his fears for the future.  He is in the here and now, calmly drifting in the Force.  This surrender to the Force has always been hard for him.  He’s long been a man who found control to be comforting.   And so this feels vulnerable and uncomfortable.  But he keeps trying.  Reaching out to the Light with blind, groping hands and a tentative mind.  He is a Chosen One, raised in the Light but long ago seduced into Darkness.  Still, he knows both proud traditions of the Force.  But can he use them both now?

 

The little cube slowly raises from his hand, levitating at eye level.  But it does not open into its component parts.  It refuses to yield its secrets to him.

 

Kylo keeps trying.  He wants to do this.  But the harder he tries, the more frustrated he becomes and that is counterproductive.   He’s about to give up when he hears a familiar voice call him by name.

 

“Ben.”

 

Kylo jumps up and whirls.  His first instinct is to light his sword, but he knows that would be futile.  So he stands there caught with a Jedi holochron in his hand like it’s contraband.  And by this man of all men.  Fuuuuck.  Kylo can feel his face flush bright red with embarrassment.

 

“Look at you, summoning the Light.  Instead, you summoned me.”  Luke Skywalker looks gallingly smug.  He also looks very young and heroic, like he must have looked during his Rebellion days.  But Kylo isn’t fooled by the guise of a youthful figure with a cleanshaven face.  He’d know his annoying Jedi Master uncle anywhere. 

 

“Go away!” Kylo hisses.  “You don’t get to play Kenobi to me.”

 

The sparkly blue version of his lifelong nemesis just gives a smug, sage nod.  “If you would let go of some of that anger, Ben, life would be a lot easier.  That holochron would open too.”

 

And fuck, he does not need this now.  Kylo is so close to having everything he wants after all these years.  His hater Jedi uncle does not get to show up and complain.  So Kylo taunts, “I’ve got it all now!  When I left you, I was but the learner.  Now I am the Master!”

 

“You’re not the Master and you know it,” the Jedi says evenly.  “So does Rey.”

 

“Go away.”  He has a galaxy to run.  Supreme Leader Kylo Ren doesn’t have time to argue with a ghost. At least this is happening alone in his quarters and not while he’s on the bridge so his crew can wonder why he’s talking to the air like a crazy person.  Kylo just turns away.  He plunks the holochron down hard atop the pile of Rey’s books.  

 

Neither escapes his uncle’s notice.  

 

“She stole my books, I see.  Where’d you get those holochrons?”

 

“Vader had them,” Kylo sneers.  “He collected over a hundred of them.  That’s plenty for Rey to learn.  You didn’t teach her anything!  And she’s too afraid to learn from me,” Kylo grumbles.

 

Spectral Luke Skywalker has the good grace to look a bit sheepish at this.  “I know.  I failed her too.”

 

“Your failure is complete!” Kylo rages.  “You failed your father, you failed me, and you failed Rey.  Isn’t that enough damage?  What are you doing here?  Go back to the Force, dead man!”

 

His uncle is as unflappable as ever.  “You forgot Yoda.  I failed Master Yoda too.  He told me to pass on what I had learned.  I never finished that part.”

 

“Go away.”  How long is this visitation going to go on exactly??   And will lightning chase old Luke away?  Because Kylo is mad enough now to conjure some blue lightning.

 

“I have one last lesson for you, Padawan.”  And that obsolete title earns his uncle a glare.  Undeterred, the Jedi continues, “I want you to know the path to immortality in the Force.  So one day you too can become one with the Force as a ghost.”

 

Is he for real?   Kylo has had enough of his asshole uncle.  “Go away!” he shouts again.

 

“Listen to me, Ben, you might need this trick.  I live in the Force now so I’ve seen different versions of your future. They don’t all turn out like you might like.  I want you to have this skill so that you too will have a way to pass on what you know.”

 

“If I’m dead, you mean?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo smirks and crosses his arms over his chest.  “And why would you want me to pass on what I know?  Are you worried that Darkness will disappear forever with me?  That the universe will be unbalanced in the Light?”  

 

Luke Skywalker is patient and calm.  The man is annoyingly chill.  As ever, his uncle’s condescension grates on him.  “Darkness is eternal, like the Light.  I learned that the hard way.  But you are far more than Darkness, and we both know that.  We both know why too.  Open your eyes, Ben.  Look around you now.  What do you see?”

 

“Books and holochrons and a dead Jedi who won’t go away.   All relics of an old regime that is a failure like you!”

 

“Now that I am gone, you are the last of the Jedi, Ben.”

 

That statement is so preposterous, it’s almost amusing.  “I’m no Jedi,” Kylo curls his lip.

 

“Of course, you are.  So was Vader collecting those holochrons years ago.  My father never lost his call to the Light even when he rushed headlong into Darkness.  Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi who lost his way, but he was a Jedi until the end.”

 

“I’m no Jedi,” Kylo maintains. 

 

Luke Skywalker looks him in the eye.  “You’re wrong.”

 

“Are you going to tell me to let go of my hate?  That you feel the good in me?  That Snoke hasn’t driven it fully away?”  Kylo’s sarcasm is thick. 

 

“There is far more Light in you than you care to admit.  Rey sees it.  She is good for you.”

 

“You drove her right into my arms!” Kylo brags to his celibate uncle.

 

“Yes,” Skywalker agrees.  “But, all in all, I think that might have been for the best.  For both of you.”

 

“I hate how you always speak in riddles.  I’m no Jedi!  And I’ve got your would-be Padawan living with me and fucking me every night!  And she wants to open Sith holochrons, too!  Listen, Uncle, the Jedi Order died with you.  Rey and I will be something else.”

 

“That’s probably the only thing that Snoke and I would both approve of,” Skywalker nods.

 

“What?”  Kylo shakes his head in frustration.  He’s tired of his uncle’s obtuse pronouncements. 

 

The Jedi looks him in the eye again.  It’s unnerving.  “I’ll be back.  I told you that if you struck me down in anger, I would always be with you.”  The younger but just as cocky version of Luke Skywalker smirks at his nephew.  It’s a disconcertingly familiar expression.  “See you around, kid.” 

 

Luke Skywalker’s Force Ghost disappears and now Kylo is left simmering with rage.  “FUCK!”  He does not need this now.  Not when he has Snoke out there, Hux gunning for him, a war going on, and a problematic girlfriend who won’t let him call her his girlfriend.  “FUCK!”  Kylo reaches for the nearest thing to hurl against the wall.  It turns out to be a holochron, so he thinks better of it.  For all he knows, smashing Jedi holochrons might provoke the Force to strike back at him.  And that’s not what he needs just now.  So Kylo contents himself by hurling his helmet at the wall.  Three times.  

 

He is unsettled.  Terribly unsettled.  So he decides to go check on Rey.  Seeing Rey will cheer him up.  She had seemed very nervous this morning.  Kylo hopes things have gone well. 

 

When he drops in on the First Order negotiating team, he finds Rey in deep discussion with the experts. At his entrance, everyone dutifully stands to their feet.  Kylo waves them back into their chairs and hauls off his helmet.  He ignores the group and walks to hover over Rey. 

 

“Report, Lieutenant.”

 

She looks annoyed but not at him.  “The Coruscant guys are all onboard with our objective but the Corellian team has a holdout.  One member of their team says he refuses to let the Coruscant team have any bearing on his world’s fate.  He basically rejects the proposed framework for our deal.  I guess he thinks Coruscant will sell Corellia down the river.”

 

“Does that matter?” Kylo asks.

 

“Yes.  Both worlds are insisting on unanimity since they won’t each get a separate deal.  That means we have to get all eight representatives to agree on the substance of the deal.  But we can only get seven of the eight to agree to the process for the deal.”

 

“What’s your solution?”

 

“We either insist on majority rule rather than a unanimous decision.  Or we send the Corellian holdout guy home.  We can’t let one person effectively veto the whole process.  He’s delayed us enough as is.”

 

“Which approach do you prefer?” Kylo asks.

 

“I want to send the holdout guy home and just move on.  The rest seem reasonable.”

 

“Getting to a unanimous decision will not be easy.”  And that concerns Kylo.  He doesn’t want the deal to be held hostage by pettiness.

 

Rey agrees.  “None of this will be easy.  But if we want to build rapport with these guys I need to accept some of what they want now at the outset.  And they really want unanimity.”

 

“So everyone shares the blame equally for the outcome,” Kylo surmises.

 

“Yes.  These are politicians.  If one person can vote no and the deal still stands, they will all want to be the one to vote no.”

 

“So they can get the deal and still criticize it,” he reasons.

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo thinks a moment and then endorses Rey’s decision, “Get rid of the holdout.”

 

She nods.  “I was about to deliver the bad news next door when you came in.”

 

“We’ll do it together,” Kylo decides.  “All of us.”  He gestures to the group.  “Come.”

 

Kylo jams on his helmet.  Then he and the entire First Order negotiating team march next door in a show of force.  After the Coruscant and Corellia representatives stand to their feet, Kylo turns to Rey.  “Which is your holdout?”

 

“Far left,” she answers.  “The old guy.”

 

Kylo crosses to stand before the man in question.  “Are you the one who rejects the peace process we have proposed?”

 

The man looks resolute.  “Corellians alone should decide Corellia’s fate.”

 

That bombast does not sit well with Kylo.  “The First Order will decide Corellia’s fate.   You are lucky to even have this opportunity to negotiate terms of surrender.”

 

The older man simply nods and repeats himself.  “Corellians alone should decide Corellia’s fate.”

 

“Very well.”   Kylo decides it is time for the grand gesture.  And that means someone has to die.  Kylo reaches out a gloved hand and a blaster from one of the stormtroopers standing guard flies into his open palm.   He leisurely turns the weapon over in his hands and releases the safety.  Then he points the weapon at the recalcitrant man’s chest and fires.  Down the man goes as everyone else gasps in dismay. 

 

Kylo lets the reaction filter through the room before he speaks.  “Let this be a lesson to negotiate in good faith. This man received the death he wanted, for impeding a peaceful solution is a vote for violent subjugation of your world.  And that violence will begin with every person in this room.  Make peace or die,” he threatens.

 

Kylo clicks the safety lock on the weapon and then tosses it back to its owner.  And damn, that felt good.  After that unexpected visitation by his ghostly uncle, Kyko had needed to blow off some steam.  Violence always does the trick.  And today, it had served a secondary purpose to make an impression on the holdout worlds of Coruscant and Corellia.  Looking around at the stunned, offended, and repulsed faces in the room, Kylo announces, “These meetings are adjourned for today.”

 

With a swirl of his long black cape, Kylo turns on heel to stomp back to his quarters.  He’s feeling determined now.  He retrieves the holochron from earlier and again sits down with Vader’s mask.  And that’s how Rey finds him when she comes storming in a full thirty minutes later. 

 

“What took you so long?”

 

“After your murder spree, we had a lot of ruffled feathers to smooth over,” Rey informs him.  Outrage is radiating from her.  In this moment, she reminds him very much of Leia Organa.  “Why did you kill that man?” she demands.

 

“No one gets to obstruct peace.”

 

“I was going to send him home.  Not kill him.”

 

He shrugs.  “This way sent a message to everyone they won’t soon forget.”

 

“It was cruel!” Rey accuses.

 

“Tell that to everyone on Corellia who will die if we can’t reach a deal,” Kylo bites back.  “That guy was the enemy and this is war.  War is not fair.”

 

“I hate this side of you!”  Rey is shaking her head at him and yes, she is very Leia Organa now.  “I hate how you can be so casually cruel.  So indifferent to the value of life!”

 

That comment rubs him the wrong way.  “The whole purpose of this negotiation is to save lives and make peace.   Don’t forget that,” he snaps.

 

As usual, Rey is unimpressed and unintimidated.  It’s one of the most attractive things about her.  But it’s maddening too.  “You know, there are times I don’t like you very much,” she hisses.  Rey snatches off her hat to toss it on the table behind them.  And that’s when she first notices what he has in his hands.

 

“What are you doing with that?” she asks. 

 

Kylo fesses up.  “I can’t open it.  I’ve tried and I can’t.”  He is frustrated.  Disappointed too.  “I guess I’m too Dark.” 

 

“And that’s a surprise?”   Rey must still be feeling righteous because she shoots him a look.  “Watch how it’s done, Kylo Ren,” she chides him.  Then, he senses Rey concentrate a moment in the Force.  The holochron he’s holding floats up and splits. 

 

What happens next is a revelation.  This holochron begins like they all do.  A Jedi introduces him or herself and begins to teach.  But this is no ordinary Jedi.

 

_I am Jedi General Anakin Skywalker of Temple Coruscant.  Padawan to Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master to Ahsoka Tano_. 

 

Kylo can’t pull his jaw off the ground as he stares. 

 

“Wow,” Rey breathes out at his side. 

 

Anakin Skywalker must be so young here.  Younger than himself, Kylo realizes as he does the math.  His grandfather’s use of his Jedi General title betrays the Clone Wars setting, as does the subject matter of the holochron.  He and Rey watch as his grandfather demonstrates basic lightsaber forms and explains their application in combat against Separatist battle droids. 

 

“That’s your lightsaber,” Kylo says aloud as he stares at the blue blade his grandfather wields with a grace earned from long practice.

 

“Only his right hand is gloved,” Rey notices softly.  “Is that because it’s his sword arm?”

 

Kylo shakes his head.  “It was already a prosthetic.  My grandfather lost his right arm to Count Dooku at the start of the Clone Wars.  He was a padawan dueling a Sith Lord and he lost.”

 

“And the scar.   He has your scar.”

 

He does.  A faint line bisects his grandfather’s right eyebrow, Kylo sees.  Somehow, he had never noticed that in the old pictures. 

 

Kylo can’t quite believe what he’s seeing.  He’s seen plenty of media coverage of his grandfather during his Jedi days.  Anakin Skywalker’s daring exploits during the Clone Wars were the stuff of legend.  He and Kenobi’s rescue of Chancellor Palpatine during the Battle of Coruscant, culminating in the death of Count Dooku and a dramatic crash landing, earned General Skywalker a permanent place in the history books.  But this hologram is different. It’s the man himself speaking, swinging a lightsaber, and teaching the Force.  This is everything Kylo’s younger self had ever wanted:  a lesson in combat from young Darth Vader. 

 

Beside him, Rey too is transfixed.  But her mind is still on the scar.  His scar.  “Ben, I’m sorry I gave you that scar.   But you—“

 

“I deserved it,” he admits. He’s still staring at his long dead grandfather.  In some ways, he and Vader look alike.  Both very tall and broad shouldered.  With that same thick, flowing Skywalker mane.  But studying his grandfather longer, Kylo only sees his uncle.  Luke Skywalker had inherited his father’s coloring, from the tawny hair to the golden skin.  And there is something about his uncle’s face that has a resemblance.  For Luke Skywalker had been a handsome man like his father before him.  Not like himself, Kylo knows.  No one would ever call Kylo Ren handsome with his odd mismatch of features and crooked teeth.  Ben Solo was a weird looking kid who grew up to be an odd looking man.  But at least he’s not short.  His uncle had been a compact, almost slight man, like his petite twin.  But Luke Skywalker had been a giant in the Force, Kylo begrudgingly admits.  Like his father before him.  The Chosen Ones are always giants in the Force.

 

Gods, had his grandfather really been this handsome before he was burned?  It’s hard to watch this hologram in the same room with the melted mask Vader would be forced to wear for decades.  Because there had been a man in that mask and this is him in happier, younger days.  A man who would eventually look like a monster from his burns, but a man who was not a monster.  Not at all.   Kylo knows this instinctively at his core. 

 

“I see your mother in his face.  It’s the profile.”  Like himself, Rey is watching with rapt attention.  “He seems so normal.  Kind of nice,” she remarks.

 

And Vader does seem normal.  At ease and relaxed. Even smiling now and then as he demonstrates how to deflect incoming blaster bolts using lightsaber forms.  After seeing the apparition of his uncle earlier, this hologram too feels like seeing a ghost.  It lasts about twenty minutes and then it fuzzes out and the holochron again collapses into cube form.

 

He and Rey remain there in silence a long moment.  Kylo is pleased how impressed she too is by what they have found.

 

“Let’s do it,” Rey decides suddenly.   She reaches into her jacket and pulls out her sword.  Then, she grabs the holochron and heads out into the main living area where there is more space.  “Come on,” she calls over her shoulder to him.  “Do it with me.”

 

Rey opens the holochron again and lights her sword.   Then she starts imitating in jerky, stiff movements the lightsaber form exercises she sees.  It’s an awkward first attempt, Kylo thinks, but it’s also sort of cute. 

 

For his part, Kylo knows this drill.  He learned all the basic lightsaber forms as a Jedi Padawan long ago.  So his version is fluid, with a dancer’s grace.  Rey stops imitating now and turns to watch him.  “You know this?”  She’s surprised. 

 

“I was a Jedi once.  Same as Vader.”

 

Rey looks from the hologram to him.  “You just as good as Vader,” she appraises and it makes Kylo smile and flush.

 

“You think?”

 

“Definitely.  You’re really good.”

 

“I’ve had a lot of practice.  Come on and do it with me.”  Rey joins in again and it’s kind of fun.  “That’s it,” Kylo encourages her.  “Now finish with the lunge.  Stab, sweep and . . . lunge.”

 

“I like this.”  When he looks over, Rey is smiling ear to ear.

 

He smiles back.  “I’ll teach you all your forms, Rey.  It will give your saber swing more precision and power. Even Luke would practice his forms.  It wasn’t just for teaching.”   These basic drills were done countless times over so they would be committed to muscle memory and be second nature during the stress of combat.

 

“Will you learn the holochrons with me?” Rey asks.  “It will be fun to do this together.  You can brush up on your skills as I learn for the first time.”

 

Kylo frowns.  “These are Jedi skills.”

 

“So?  You’re the Chosen One.  You can do the Light and the Dark, right?   This is what Vader collected these holochrons for.  So his family could learn from them.”

 

“They were for my uncle,” Kylo reminds her.   He can’t even open these holochrons, to his chagrin.

 

“Well now, they are for you.”   Rey sweeps her sword to land in a stabbing lunge again.  She throws her head over her shoulder to catch his eye and grin.  “This is way better than Luke’s books, don’t you think?”

 

“Yes,” he can’t help but agree.  And watching Rey now, Kylo is more determined than ever to have it all.  He will get the galaxy and the girl and he will keep them both, remaking the Force and the future as they go.  Forget Luke Skywalker and forget Snoke.  Because Kylo Ren doesn’t need to learn the trick of being a Force ghost.  He plans to live.  No matter how long the odds, he will be the one to win. 

 

Whether as the Jedi Padawan Ben Solo or the Dark Apprentice Kylo Ren, he has spent his whole life torn between the Light and the Dark.  Faulted first by his uncle for his failings and then by Snoke.  Well, he is done being criticized for what he cannot help.  So, sure, he will study the Light with Rey.  And if he wants to buy peace in the Core with a Senate or anything else, he will.  There is no one left to tell him no.  Kylo Ren will make his own way the best that he can, and he will do it as his own man.  With no ideology but his own ambition.  For more and more, Kylo is coming to terms with the situation he finds himself in.   He is embracing his power and ready to make his own decisions.  His mother and her Resistance be damned, Hux and the First Order hardliners be damned too, because Kylo Ren’s time has come.  And it will be different from what everyone—on both sides—expects. 

 

Truthfully, this is not a scenario he ever anticipated finding himself in.  But ever since Rey’s rash but amazing attempt to turn him had her on her knees for execution, life has irrevocably changed.  Because when given the choice between continued subservience to Snoke and the slim but tantalizing chance of happiness with Rey, Kylo chose Rey. 

 

He had chosen hope.  And that was a game changer.  An eye opener, too. 

 

Maybe that is the real reason the Force sent Rey to him.  So that she could push him and prod him into being a little more Light.  Because she is the very embodiment of the call to the Light that for years he has pushed away.  Until that moment in the throne room when he could no longer resist.  The decision was as much for himself as it was for her, for it had taken place in the guise of a Dark Side Master killing.  All at once, in slicing through Snoke, Kylo had dared the ultimate Dark power play and been his own Light Side liberator too.   It was a moment of clarity, of instant resolve.  And for a few fleeting moments, there had been balance to the Force.  Kylo had felt it.  Rey had felt it too.  It’s why he had offered her everything as they stood together with the remnants of Snoke’s throne room burning down around them.

 

But she hadn’t trusted him.  She had been scared.  And so, Rey did what kept her alive on Jakku all those years:  she ran.  And the moment was lost.  But Kylo is nothing if not determined.  He's not giving up.  There will be another opportunity.  The Force always cycles around again eventually to do the same thing.  Especially where the Chosen Ones are concerned. 

 

The hologram is finished playing now.  Kylo turns to Rey. “Open it again.  Let’s do it again,” he decides.


	25. Chapter 25

The next morning, the delegations from Coruscant and Corellia each deliver separate lists of demands.  “This is a child’s birthday wish,” the senior political advisor scoffs as he finishes reading aloud their proposals.  “Like something Leia Organa herself might write.”  The man tosses the datapad on the table dismissively.  “We shouldn’t dignify this with a response.”

 

But Rey has other ideas.  She marches next door to hand back to the two lists.  Come back with one joint list, she tells the Coruscant and Corellia teams.  Later that day, they do.  It’s basically the two lists combined. 

 

With a sigh, Rey realizes this will not be easy. 

 

The difficulty is as much on her side as with the enemy.  As Rey walks the First Order team through the joint list to discuss each point, no one on her team seems in the mood to deal.  There is righteousness and anger on both sides plus clear distrust.  This isn't Jakku where everyone is a repeat player dealing with one another time and again.   These are people who don’t want to deal with each other.  And at least on the First Order side, no one feels like they should be dealing at all.

 

It doesn’t take long for the disgruntlement to come out.  First one woman makes a comment under her breath: “Ren is going to ruin the Order.  Leader Snoke would never have done this.”   Everyone looks up at the woman and then looks around in defensive suspicion.  But an hour later someone else complains, “If Hux were in charge, we wouldn’t be wasting our time on this.”   And now the floodgates of opinion open.  These peace talks are a very unpopular move, Rey realizes.

 

Rey is anticipating harsh criticism for herself as the team leader, but instead she garners sympathy from the others.  They clearly think Kylo Ren is going to pin the success or failure of the negotiations on her.  “How did you get roped into this?” Rey is asked.   “I’m sorry, Lieutenant.  Ren must have known that he couldn’t get any in the senior command to lead this folly.   You’re way too young for this.”  Rey just responds that she is following orders.  “We know.  I just hope you don’t get the sword when it’s all said and done.  Ren is awfully quick with that sword.”   Another disgusted voice chimes in.  “Ren uses that sword as often on our own people as he does on the enemy.  He’s a madman.  The rank and file might admire him for taking on the Jedi, but everyone above the rank of captain knows what an embarrassment he is.  The man is unstable.  He’s not fit to lead.”  That sentiment garners a chorus of agreement and head nods. 

 

And now, Rey for the first time comes to appreciate what a tenuous position Ben is in.   This grumbling goes way beyond just the secret peace talks.  Ben is going to have to convince both the enemy and his own people that he can lead.  And judging by the undisguised contempt—mixed with fear, of course—that seems to pervade the topic of Kylo Ren, Rey has misgivings.  Rey is starting to understand the high stakes power play that was unleashed with the death of Snoke.  Kylo isn’t just fighting his mother and the Core, he’s adverse to the officer corps of the First Order he claims to rule. 

 

When she tells Ben about it that night, Rey worries that he will be offended.  But he isn’t surprised.  Hux is biding his time for a coup attempt, Ben tells her bluntly.  And then, there will be no chance at peace because I will get pushed to placate the hardliners in the Order.  It’s one more reason I need to end the war soon.  The longer this drags on under my leadership, the more vulnerable I become.  Ben looks her in the eye.  This is why I need your help, he tells her.  For myself and for the galaxy, peace is the answer. 

 

Yikes, Rey thinks.  No pressure there.  Now more than ever, she is feeling in over her head.  But Ben gives her the pep talk she needs.  The next morning, Rey marches into the conference room with her head held high.  She’s determined that her colleagues will take her seriously today.  Yesterday, they had treated her like a little girl being used as a fall guy chump for Kylo Ren.

 

But today, things are not much better.   Rey sits down with the other side and starts talking through their list of demands, feeling her way through the issues.  Rey is trying but everyone else is going through the motions.  So she starts making unilateral decisions for a counterproposal.  She’ll counter the Core on the major tenets of their demand, but not on everything.  And she tries to load up the counteroffer with as many feel good symbolic gestures as she can.  In the ensuing days, Rey goes through two more rounds of this.  They are making progress at narrowing the issues but Rey feels as though she has more rapport with the Core negotiators than with her own team.   It’s not that her team isn’t helpful, it’s more that they clearly do not approve.  They are following orders without any enthusiasm.

 

It’s Rey’s third go-round with the Core guys when she decides to accept their request for an apology for the Starkiller.  It’s a step beyond the already agreed First Order commitment not to create any new planet killing super weapons.  As the lawyers propose some very vague language that avoids actual blame, a bald middle-aged man abruptly stands and storms out of the room.  All heads turn to watch him go, including Rey’s.  The woman seated across from Rey supplies the missing context.  “His brother was the lead research scientist for the weapon.  He died there.”   Looking around the room, the woman informs Rey, “Pretty much all of us know someone who died there.”

 

“Did anyone know someone who died on Hosnia?” Rey asks tartly.

 

Apparently not.  And that’s not surprising.  The First Order is an insular group.  They watch the same media, they hear the same news, and they do the same things.  They all live within the ‘us versus them’ echo-chamber bubble of the First Order.  Rey wonders if the citizens of the Republic live the same way.  Probably, she thinks.  She’s noticed that people tend to surround themselves with others who think and act like they do.  It reinforces your values and opinions and everyone agrees.  Right?  Well, everyone you surround yourself with.

 

As a Rim girl, Rey is familiar with the prevailing attitudes of the Republic Core elite.  It’s mostly condescension mixed with scorn.  Rey herself lives up to the stereotype of an uneducated, unskilled manual laborer from a dead-end world.  She truly is the archetype of the First Order supporter.  And that’s the problem with stereotypes—more often than not, they are true.  They are just not the whole truth.  And in Rey’s case, the truth is something no one in this room would ever guess.

 

Day after day, the discussions grind on.  Rey gains confidence as she goes.  Sure, this is galactic civil government and not hydration tablets and portions.  But a lot of the basic concepts are the same.  Rey knows how to present items to the other side, in what order and when.  She knows to walk away at different times to keep the other side guessing how far they can push things before the First Order balks.  Plus, Jakku has taught Rey an impressive poker face.  

 

Not surprisingly, Rey reads peoples' reactions better than anyone else on the team.   It’s simply because she’s done this a lot more.  And also because the chain of command culture permeates the First Order.   Very few career officers in Snoke’s regime have spent much time attempting to persuade others.  These are men and women who are used to telling people what to do, not trying to get people to agree on what to do.   Those are two very different skill sets.

 

As she feared, there are definitely moments when Rey feels lost.  Many historical and political references made by her learned advisors go right past Rey.  There is a lot of talk about the Concordance that ended the Rebellion and some famous disarmament treaty.  And the discussions about the powers and makeup of the new Senate invariably lead to comments about the Separatist Crisis.   Rey just stays quiet and lets others do the talking then.  Asking questions that reveal her ignorance will only undercut her already shaky leadership role.

 

Trust is the ultimate gating issue to a deal.  It keeps coming up again and again in different ways.  This isn't like a business venture with mediation and arbitration clauses and recourse to the rule of law.  If Coruscant and Corellia surrender and the First Order reneges, there is no remedy.  Of course, the enemy knows this dilemma.  Their solution is to agree on as much as possible upfront to then make public to the galaxy at large.  Their strategy seems to be to raise everyone's expectations.  Maybe Coruscant and Corellia will try to shame the First Order into upholding their end of the bargain?  Rey is dubious about that remedy.  But it’s probably the only remedy the other side has.  Still, hammering out all these details keeps bogging the discussions down.  Rey now knows far more about Senate quorums and election policy than she ever wished to learn. 

 

She gripes to Ben about it.  Now more often than not, Rey is the last one to arrive back to Ben’s quarters at night.  He is very interested in her progress, so they discuss the day’s developments over dinner.  Then they do some lightsaber forms or watch a holochron together.  Rey wants to go flying again, but Ben puts her off.  We can fly all you want when the deal is done, he promises.  First, get the deal done.  And that task worries Rey.  Ben knows it too.  So he is her incessant cheerleader and motivator.   Telling her what a great job she is doing and keep it up.

 

Confidence is a strange and variable thing, Rey is learning.  In her element on Jakku, Rey knows her mind and isn’t afraid to speak it and act accordingly.   The same goes for arguing with Ben.  She has no trouble staring down Kylo Ren and telling him he’s wrong.  But a conference room full of grumpy First Order loyalists is not the same thing.  Neither is the room next door with enemy leaders trying to negotiate peace under threat of death and destruction.    It’s a steep learning curve but Rey is finding her way, asserting herself against both sides equally.  For Rey feels very much in the middle.  She tells Ben about that and he approves.  You are on the side of the future he tells her.  Our future together.

 

During all of this, Ben starts reading his mother’s memoirs.  Ostensibly, it is to learn Leia Organa’s thoughts on topics relevant to the peace deal.  But more than once Rey wanders in late to find Ben staring off into space as he pauses in the text.  When he turns to greet her, Ben always looks haunted.  The Dark prince of the First Order is always so sad where Leia Organa is concerned.  Still, his mother has observations about the Senate structure that Rey incorporates into the peace deal.  For even Leia Organa will admit that the New Republic Senate was fundamentally flawed in key ways that impeded decision-making.  

 

Rey keeps slogging on and the days slip into a week and then into two weeks and then three weeks.  She’s asked Ben to set a deadline, but so far he has refused.  Ben likes the progress they are making and doesn’t want to preemptively cut things short.  Rey views things a bit differently.  Back on Jakku, there was always a de facto deadline, usually death by starvation or thirst.  With consequences like that staring you in the face, you start to compromise fast.  Let’s just end this and declare victory, she urges Ben.  But he has changed his tune on negotiating the details of his new Senate.  Ben now thinks this is the best forum to decide the minutiae upfront rather than publicly debate it for months to come.  This new legislature will be presented as a done deal, Ben tells her.  Unlike the New Republic thirty years ago, we will hit the ground running and be ready to host elections and govern immediately.  Then, I will deal with Hux and nothing will stand in our way. 

 

General Hux won’t be going away of his own volition, they both know.  Rey discovers this abruptly one day when Hux strides into the First Order conference room unannounced.  He has the run of the ship as the commanding officer second only to Kylo Ren.  So it’s not like junior Lieutenant Solo has grounds to refuse him entry.  But the very sight of the redheaded zealot makes Rey’s blood pressure rise and adrenaline kick in.  All her senses are suddenly screaming ‘Danger!’

 

Looking around at the many relieved faces of her colleagues who all now perk up, Rey is very suspicious that General Hux has been tipped off.  This unplanned visit is no accident, she judges.

 

“I thought these negotiations were scuttled a month ago,” Hux announces as his opener.  His tone betrays that he knows full well that is not the case.  “What are you working on?” he demands of the First Order General Counsel, who is the most senior person in the room.

 

The man fairly leaps to his feet to hand over his datapad.  “Take a look at this, Sir.  It’s our draft memorandum of understanding for a peace accord.”  He nods gravely at his superior.  “These are the Supreme Leader’s orders, Sir.”

 

Hux’s face is a grimace that becomes a scowl.  “A Senate?  Ren is giving them a Senate?”

 

The lawyer nods.  “Keep reading, Sir.  It gets worse.”

 

“Civil rights?  We’re agreeing to a list of civil rights?”  Hux is in disbelief at this move.  “Dissidents are only going to use all these freedoms to promote disorder.  Terrorists like Leia Organa always take advantage of the freedoms of an open society to wreak havoc on good, law-abiding citizens like ourselves.”

 

“There’s more, Sir.” 

 

Hux keeps reading and reacting.  “A prohibition on super weapons?  That’s a nonstarter.  We will keep the peace through fear, like the Empire did.”

 

“Read the next part, Sir.”

 

“We are apologizing for the Starkiller??   Granting reparations for Hosnia survivors?  Who approved this?” the General demands.  “This deal is getting worse all the time!”

 

The lawyer now reveals the punchline for the draft agreement.  “There’s amnesty for enemy combatants, too.  You’ll be pardoning Leia Organa herself, Sir, along with the rest of the Resistance.”

 

And that news is what takes a bad situation for Rey and makes it worse. 

 

“Who is in charge here?” the outraged General demands.

 

“Over there, the young Lieutenant.”  Emphasis on ‘young.’  The General Counsel is very quick to point Rey out.  Before Hux appeared, Rey had been huddled in the corner in conversation with one of the political types.  She has remained there in hopes of being inconspicuous.  But no such luck.  “Ren put that inexperienced girl in charge,” the lawyer informs Hux as he points out Rey.

 

There’s no avoiding it.  Rey straightens up and stares General Hux down from across the room. 

 

He recognizes her.  “It’s you.  Of course, it’s you.  Lieutenant Solo, right?”

 

Rey plays it cool.  “General, Sir,” she nods respectfully.  Rey decides she will play the role of dutiful subordinate doing her job.   Like before in the hallway with Ben.

 

“Should I call you Rey?” the redheaded general sneers.  His icy blue eyes are boring through hers with undisguised hostility and suspicion.

 

Uh oh.  That’s not good.  But Rey keeps her poker face.  “Solo will do, Sir,” Rey answers back, determined to keep playacting her appointed role.  Hux is standing between her and the door, so Rey now walks out a bit from behind the large conference table.  She might not be prepared to negotiate galactic peace, but Rey is up for this.  She’s stared down danger more times than she could count back on Jakku.  And the first move, Rey knows, is to identify an escape route.

 

 “What is the meaning of this?”  The General shakes the datapad with the draft agreement at her.

 

Rey takes a deep breath.  “The Supreme Leader has tasked us with finding a peaceful end to the war.  That is our current draft agreement.  But things are still shifting around a bit, Sir.” 

 

“Ren tasked you with finding a peaceful end to the war,” Hux repeats, his derision clear in his tone.  “By undermining our values?  By negating why our troops fight and die?  This is classic Ren!” Hux roars.

 

All around her, Rey can sense universal agreement with this assessment.  But she sticks to her guns.  “We have our orders, Sir.”

 

Apparently, that’s the General’s cue to grandstand some more.  He’s pacing now like it’s a stump speech.  Suddenly, this confrontation feels very staged.  Just like the moment Hux had ambushed Ben to execute her in the hangar bay months ago.  “Ren has never been a true believer in our cause,” the General accuses.  “The First Order was mostly his vehicle for personal revenge against Skywalker.  He was always more interested in killing the Jedi than he was liberating the galaxy from the Republic.  This proves it!”

 

Rey quickly speaks up in Ben’s defense.  “The Supreme Leader wants peace.  So the war will end and there will be order again.”  She spouts the First Order party line.

 

“He isn’t fit to be the Supreme Leader!   He doesn’t share our goals.  This is proof!”  The General again brandishes the datapad.  Then his eyes narrow and his voice lowers as he looks grim.  “You are proof too.”   

 

Rey knows a threat when she hears it.  She is tempted to reach into her bulky jacket to grab at her saber hilt hidden inside.  But the moment she reaches for a weapon, this confrontation hits a new level, she knows.  Still, Rey is a girl who always shoots first.  It’s how she stays alive.

 

The General is advancing slowly across the large, crowded room.  Rey watches as her colleagues automatically shrink back to let him pass.  “I know who you are,” Hux tells her softly.  He might as well be shouting in the silent room.  “I know what you have done.  What I don’t know is why you are here.  Why you would ally with Ren.  But I guess this is it.”  Again, the General brandishes the datapad.  “You are here to take down the First Order from within.”

 

Those are fighting words and Rey decides to respond.  She grabs for her saber hilt.  Holding it down and off to the side, she lights her sword.

 

The whole room flinches at the sound.  For a few seconds, the only noise in the room is the low hum of Anakin Skywalker’s refashioned lightsaber.  Every eye in the room—including the General’s—focuses on the gleaming blue blade.  No doubt everyone here knows what it means.  Rey has just outed herself as a Jedi with the Force to the First Order’s high command.  Here is the girl rumored to have killed Snoke.

 

No one moves a muscle.  Everyone is looking to see how General Hux will respond.  As the sole military officer in the room, he’s the only one wearing a sidearm, Rey assumes.  Will he reach for it? 

 

He does not.  “Jedi,” the General says this word with dripping contempt, “If it were up to me, you would be dead.  But he wants you alive, so you get to live.  But your day of reckoning will come.”

 

Rey isn’t one to be cowed in a situation like this.  With a bravado she learned as a child on Jakku, Rey starts talking trash.  She makes sure her voice is equally as intense as Hux’s when she responds.  “If you know who I am, then you know how dangerous I am.  Careful, General,” Rey warns.  Then she moves her sword slightly.  Just enough to make its hum flare and buzz.   It is very gratifying to see the General and everyone else present flinch at the sound.  No doubt these men and women have all seen Kylo Ren use his sword.  They know what a lightsaber can do.

 

“He wants you alive,” Hux sneers.  “That’s the only reason you live now, Jedi!”

 

“You don't know what’s really going on,” Rey challenges.  She’s trying to throw the cocksure General off his game.  On Jakku, Rey learned that a good bluff is effective intimidation.  All you have to do is make your opponent unsure and confused, and you gain the upper hand.  “You’re in the dark, General,” she taunts him.  “You don't know what’s really going on!”

 

“Oh, no, Jedi.  You’re the one who is mistaken.”  Hux is very smug now.  “Just wait.  You’ll see.”  Then, the confrontation abruptly ends.  Hux scans the room and decides, “Carry on, everyone.  We’ll give Ren enough rope to hang himself.  So, go ahead,” he tosses the datapad he’s holding onto the table with a loud thud.  “Finish your negotiations, Lieutenant Solo.  It will make a useful record of Ren’s treason.”

 

Then the General turns on heel and departs.

 

Rey looks around at the stunned, hostile faces.  She keeps her sword lit a moment longer before making a show of deactivating it and stashing it away.  “You heard him,” she barks to the assembly.  “Get back to work.”

 

“I want no part of this!” the General Counsel guy hisses as he stalks out of the room.  Presumably, he’s off to join Team Hux.

 

“Anyone else?” Rey challenges the remaining group.  “Anyone else here want to get on the bad side of Kylo Ren?”

 

No one else leaves.  These people did not get this high up in the First Order hierarchy by getting crosswise with their superiors, Rey knows.  And Hux himself had told them to carry on. 

 

Ten minutes later, it’s like nothing ever occurred.  Well, almost.  Suddenly, everyone gives Lieutenant Solo a lot more respect. 


	26. Chapter 26

“Yes, he’s dangerous.  But we are far too close to victory for you to run away now.  Rey, I need you.”

 

Is he whining?  It sort of sounds like he is whining, Kylo thinks.  And is she even listening?  Kylo can see from Rey’s very animated, near shrill demeanor how threatened she feels in the wake of her confrontation with Hux.  Of course, his girl wants to run.  It’s always fight or flight with his scavenger survivor.  But every time she says she wants to leave is like a knife through his heart.  Rey is so focused on self-preservation that there is no room for sadness at the thought of their parting.  And if Rey has concerns for leaving him behind to fend for himself, they don’t show either.   And ouch, that hurts too. 

 

“If you think I’m going to hang out here waiting for Hux to arrive with a squad of troopers to arrest me—or worse—you’re wrong!” Rey informs him.  They are in the privacy of his quarters so there is no one to overhear this argument thankfully.  “My cover is blown!  It’s time for me to leave.   Can I take your ship?  It has all the clearances I need, right?”   She’s panicking, Kylo sees.  Rey’s words keep coming out in a stressed rush.   

 

“You can’t leave!” he tells her yet again.  “We need to finish the deal and announce it.  Besides, Army Hux is mostly talk.  He’s been threatening to kill me for at least ten years and I’m still alive.”

 

“I know a threat when I hear one!” Rey snaps back.  “And if Hux was all talk before, it was because Snoke was alive.  That’s the difference.  He wants your job, Ben.  That whole stunt just now was as much about the audience as it was about me.”

 

The truth is that Rey isn’t overreacting.  Hux is a real threat.  But what did Rey think she was getting into when she started living with Kylo Ren?  He’s a dangerous man and these are dangerous times.  But Rey had his back in Snoke’s throne room, so all along he has just assumed she would have his back versus Hux.  But apparently not.  She’s going to run instead.

 

Kylo can’t help but glare at her lack of loyalty.  “I told you he was planning to make a move.  This deal has sped things up.  That’s all.”  And, all in all, that might be a good thing.  Bring it on, Hux.  Kylo has been waiting years to have it out with that guy.  “Rey, let me handle him.  You just go finish the deal.”

 

“I’m not hanging around to get killed in the crossfire of a coup!”  Rey looks very resolute as she takes a deep breath.  “This is goodbye, Ben,” she decides grimly.   “You know where to find me when things settle down.”

 

Jakku??  She wants to go back to that shithole Jakku?  Rey is in at least as much danger there as she is here.  But one thought rises to the forefront as he dashes after Rey.  She’s already headed for the door when Kylo intercepts her and drags her back.  “You want to leave me?   You really want to leave me??” His voice sounds stricken to his own ears.  He’s truly aghast at this outcome.  Rey is walking out on him now when he needs her the most.  And it’s not just for his peace deal, it’s for himself.  In a very short time, this woman has become very important to him.  He’s lost everyone else in his life who has ever been important to him.  He can’t lose Rey too. 

 

She must see his distress because her face softens.  “Oh, Ben, it won’t be for forever,” she whispers.  “Just until things die down.”

 

“No,” he shakes his head.  “No.”  His voice is very controlled now.  He’s determined to get his way.  “You don’t get to leave.  We are in this together, Rey.  We rise or fall as one.  I need that commitment from you.”   He can’t get her to commit to him for anything else, but surely she will commit for this?  “This peace process falls apart without you.”   And that’s probably a stretch, but it’s the best angle he has.  Because if Rey won’t stay for him, will she stay for peace?  “The galaxy needs you.  You are the only other voice for peace here.  The future depends on you, Rey.”

 

“But . . .” she falters and leaves the rest unsaid.

 

He presses his case.  “Rey, you were brave on Jakku, you were brave on the Starkiller, and you were brave with Snoke.  Be brave again for me now.  Be brave for peace.”

 

That plea gets through to his Jedi girl.  She stares at him a long moment before she relents.  “Okay, so what’s your plan?   And don’t tell me that you’ve got the Force and Hux doesn’t.  Because that’s no guarantee you will win.”

 

“I have loyal troops too.   It’s just the senior commanders who are loyal to Hux.”

 

Rey’s eyes narrow.  “How many is that?”

 

“Thirty, maybe forty men.  Plus your negotiating team of political and legal advisors.  Those guys are all in Hux’s pocket too.”

 

“So what’s your plan?”

 

“I’m going to make Hux the Senate Chancellor.  But to do that, I need a deal to announce first.”

 

Rey shoots him a look.  “Hux doesn’t want a Senate.  Why would he ever agree to be Senate Chancellor?”

 

“Leave that to me.  Get me a deal, Rey.  Come on, let’s get you back to the conference room.”  He starts propelling her towards the door now.  “You’re getting that deadline you wanted.  Coruscant and Corellia have twenty-four hours to agree to a deal or I start killing people.”

 

“What happens after the deal?” Rey wants to know. 

 

“You just keep all those advisors stuck in a room for me today and all day tomorrow.  I need time to set everything up.  We’ll make this announcement very grand and that will keep everyone busy planning it.”

 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Rey mutters as he jams back on his helmet.  “Hux is not going to go for this.”

 

“If he knows what’s good for him, he will.”

 

“What if he doesn’t?” Rey presses.  “If he doesn’t, I’m not sticking around,” she warns.

 

“If he doesn’t, we go to Plan B.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“We kill him.  Unless you have a better idea.”

 

Kylo deposits Rey back in the conference room.  Then he storms in on the Coruscant and Corellia delegations to issue his deadline and accompanying threat with all the Dark zeal of a true Sith.  Next, he summons Armitage Hux to his private office for a very important chat.

 

What they say is true, Kylo thinks as he waits.  Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.  That’s good advice that he plans to take for General Hux.  Kylo has thought about this long and hard in the months since he became Supreme Leader.   Killing Hux solves Kylo’s leadership crisis on a temporary basis, but it risks making Hux’s cult of personality followers only more disgruntled in the long run.  And a faction of senior naysayers is a dangerous thing since over time a successor to Hux will inevitably emerge.  Plus, Hux is smart and, all things considered, Kylo would prefer to keep that rabid cur around.  He needs Hux to be the face of his peace deal to keep continuity in leadership and to appease the First Order at large.  Army Hux is a very recognizable and popular figure despite the Starkiller’s loss.  And so, Kylo’s Plan A is that Hux will live.  It’s his power base of cronies who will have to go.  And without them, it will be very hard for the general to stage a credible coup d’etat.

 

Kylo settles behind his desk in his private office as he waits for the troublesome general to appear.  A lot is riding on this conversation.  But Kylo reminds himself that he’s not Skywalker’s Padawan or Snoke’s Apprentice any more.  Kylo Ren is his own man.  He will rule the galaxy and rule the Force in his own way and on his own terms.  And woe be to anyone who stands in his way.  And that includes General Armitage Hux.

 

And here he is.  Kylo waves the door open and shut with the Force.  He knows the Force intimidates Hux like it intimidates everyone else.  Kylo watches in silence as his foe strides in.  The man doesn’t lack for confidence, that’s for sure. 

 

“Supreme Leader.”  Hux says his greeting in the most irritating way.  There’s always an element of mocking in his nasal tones that Kylo chooses to ignore. 

 

“Senate Chancellor.”  That title stops Hux in his tracks.  Good, he wasn’t expecting that.  He was expecting a fight that Kylo will now sidestep, if he can.  “Sit down, General.”  Kylo waves him into a chair and that’s not usually how he conducts interviews with subordinates, but he wants Hux on his side.   So, he’ll play the gracious Supreme Leader now. He’ll be a peacemaker in all things.  Kylo makes a show of lounging back in his chair while the uptight, stiff general perches on the edge of his like a little girl.  There’s nothing effete about Hux but the man is still prissy as can be.

 

They eye each other a long moment before Kylo begins.  “General, this war is over in all but the formalities.  It is time to move on.  The future of the galaxy is now.  I want you to be a part of it as my Senate Chancellor.”  Kylo slants the general some side eye.  “I know you’ve seen the peace deal.  Now, I want you to be part of it.”

 

Hux glares at him.  “The galaxy under the First Order was never supposed to have a Senate.   We did not destroy the Republic to build it anew.”

 

Kylo is anticipating this response.  “Our Senate has weak constitutional powers and little true authority.  It is a pale reflection of what the old Imperial Senate was.  Think of it as a symbolic concession and a nod to the past.  It will be an illusion of democracy, nothing more.  Especially in your capable hands.”

 

“There is no groundwork laid for any of this with our allies and supporters.  You’re just going to announce that we have negotiated peace and shock everyone with a Senate?”  Hux looks askance. 

 

“Yes,” Kylo nods.  “You and I are bold like that.”

 

Hux looks indignant now. “I am a general commanding the armies of the First Order, not some hack politician doing backroom deals for a legislative body with no teeth.”

 

Kylo disagrees.  “In time of peace, my second in command is a politician.  Palpatine was the Senate Chancellor,” Kylo reminds him.  “It will be a very prominent position.  But if you wish to decline, I can offer it elsewhere to a lesser man.”

 

“Democracy is not consistent with our values,” Hux shoots back.  “I won’t put a pretty face on your treason, Ren.”

 

Kylo chooses to ignore this outburst.  “The new Senate Chancellor will announce the peace deal the day after tomorrow.  He will be heralded as a statesman for the ages, finally bringing an end to thirty years of intermittent civil war.”  Kylo gives his nemesis a pointed look.  “It will be a way for you to be known in the history books for more than just the Starkiller’s loss.”

 

“I saw your deal.  It betrays the memory of all those who have died for our cause.”

 

Kylo doesn’t bother debating this.  “Given our near total victory, surely we can be magnanimous in peace,” he shrugs.  “With the _Supremacy_ repairs finished, I thought we would park it in orbit over Coruscant.  It’s a nice gesture.  We’ll use its amphitheater for the announcement.  We’ll fill it with the rank and file troops as you declare the war won.   We’ll get the PR guys to write you a speech.  Everyone will be expecting a good speech.” 

 

“You’re just looking to pin this on me,” Hux accuses hotly.

 

“I don’t do speeches.  You know that.  Everyone loves your speeches.  The recording will be looping in replay on the holonet for days.”

 

“And will you be standing behind me with your sword at my back?”

 

“I’ll be here on the _Finalizer_.  It will all be your show, General.  I’ll release a statement but you’re the face of the First Order in this and all things going forward.”

 

Hux looks sort of interested but not quite tempted.  He leans forward in his chair now to ask, “What are you really up to, Ren?  What are you and that Resistance girl cooking up?”

 

“Peace and order,” Kylo answers blandly.

 

“She’s Resistance.   And she killed Snoke.”

 

Ah, finally they are getting down to business.  Kylo shoots the troublesome general a frank look.  “You and I both know you never believed that lie.  So stop pretending.”  Kylo makes his confession now.  “I used the girl Rey to help kill Snoke.  I’m using her now for peace.  But if you decline to be my Senate Chancellor, I can always use her to kill you too.   She’s Resistance so she considers you to be the enemy.  And she’s such a misguided idealist that she will do anything I say.”  Kylo lets that threat settle in before he repeats it.  “Snoke isn’t around to protect you any longer, General.   So get onboard and help me rule the galaxy or be yet another casualty of war.”

 

“I am a man of principle,” Hux grinds out.  And it’s true.  The general is a very high-minded man.  But Kylo knows Hux’s first loyalty is always to himself.  His icy blue eyes flash as the general repeats through gritted teeth, “I cannot be bought.  I am a man of principle.”

 

Kylo looks him in the eye and calls it like it is.  “You are also an ambitious opportunist, the same as me.  We understand each other, General.  It’s why we will make good allies.”

 

“I am nothing like you.”

 

Kylo sighs.  Rather than letting this meeting degenerate into name calling, he reaches for his sword and places it on the desk before him.  Because if the verbal threat of violence wasn’t enough for Hux, maybe the actual threat of violence will do the trick. 

 

The general’s eyes never leave his lightsaber, Kylo notes.  But still, Hux talks big in the moment.  “You don’t intimidate me.”

 

“I know.  But that won’t stop me from killing you.” 

 

Hux squirms a bit in his chair and that’s Kylo’s cue to put away his sword.   His point is made.  “We’ve been at this rivals thing a long time now.  Snoke played us off one another for years, you know that.  He’s gone.  Now is our chance to break free of him and to lead for ourselves.”

 

“With the Resistance girl?  What’s her angle in all of this?” Hux demands.  “Who is she really?”

 

“She’s an idealistic fool like Skywalker.  I have her completely deceived.  She thinks we are making peace to rule the galaxy as the kinder, gentler First Order.  Ignore her.  Once this deal is done, she dies.   She has served her purpose.”

 

“It’s too late to kill her,” Hux assesses.  “She’s already done her damage with this peace deal.”

 

“That peace deal has her fingers all over it, but it is mine.  Make no mistake, there’s nothing in there I don’t approve, General.”

 

“It’s treason!”

 

“It’s common sense,” he counters.  “If we cannot completely destroy the enemy like on Hosnia, then we need an alternative path forward.  I don’t want to occupy the Core for the next ten years.  Without a negotiated solution for peace, the war will continue.  It will be pushed underground to fester as a guerrilla terrorist conflict.  Just like in the Rebellion years.  And we all know how that ended.”  Kylo shoots the general a frustrated look.  “You know I’m right.  I want better than that.  You do too.” 

 

Kylo lifts his chin and pontificates a bit himself now.  “You might quibble with my ways, General, but we both want the same thing.  We are men whose ends justify the means.  Whether that means is the Starkiller or a showy lie of a compromise for peace.”

 

That speech appears to make headway.  “What’s your plan?”

 

“Rey is in the conference room finishing up a deal.  She has a deadline of tomorrow afternoon. Leave her be and let them finish.  You and I prepare for the assembly, getting the PR roll out ready and working on your speech.  I want surrogates all over the holonet with the broad themes of our message starting tonight.  This will need to be stage managed a bit.”  Kylo pauses to smirk conspiratorially at the general.  “I want it triumphant and grand.  We won the galaxy and our war hero Senate Chancellor is leading our victory lap rally with an impressive speech.  Then, when you are at the assembly, I will kill Rey.”

 

Hux, of course, sees this for what it is.  “You need me to put a good face on your deal.”

 

Kylo nods and lays on more flattery.  The general’s gargantuan ego has always been his weakness.  “You are a respected, influential leader.  Your endorsement matters.  If anyone can sell the Senate to the hardline true believers, you can.” 

 

“You’re not seriously going to abide by those deal terms I read, are you?”

 

Kylo shrugs.  “Some of them, yes.  Others, no.  It’s like I told you--this peace deal is a means to an end.  And there’s no recourse if we breach our agreement.  After they agree, we can pick and choose how we govern for the most part.”  He smirks.  “This is how ruthless I am, General.  I will do anything for power, even make peace.”

 

“But amnesty for the Resistance?”  Hux looks and sounds pained by the very thought.

 

“The Resistance Jedi girl will die by my own hand.  She’s the only one left who is a credible threat.  The rest are inconsequential and too few to matter.”   

 

“What about their precious princess?” the general gripes.

 

Kylo makes an involuntary face.  “Forget Leia Organa.  She’s irrelevant. She’s an old woman.  She is the past.”

 

“You should have killed her at Crait.”

 

“I would have but for the Jedi girl swooping in to save the day.”  Kylo quickly changes the topic.  “So, you’ll do this?” he asks point blank.

 

“Do I have a choice?”

 

“You always have a choice,” Kylo remarks, thinking of the old man in the conference room who had foolishly martyred himself for the political integrity of Corellia.

 

“Your sword is not a choice,” Hux sniffs.

 

Kylo just smiles.  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

But five minutes later as he watches the slim, ramrod straight general walk out of his office, it occurs to Kylo that conversation had gone too well.   That felt a little too easy.  Is that because he had disarmed Hux by his offer of an alliance?   Or is something else afoot?  Troubled, Kylo marches back to the conference room to check on Rey.

 

She’s fine and the deal is nearly agreed. As Rey had predicted, the deadline with the mortal threat had spurred the enemy to compromise fast.  There are a few open points left, but nothing of consequence that could derail a deal.  So, Kylo heads for a conference room with Hux and the PR team.   While there’s nothing about Snoke in the peace accord, Kylo wants to make sure that his old Master’s name is all over the media talking points.  When in doubt, he’s going to blame the Order’s past excesses and missteps on his dead predecessor.  The point is simple and will be stated repeatedly:  Supreme Leader Snoke was a visionary but cruel man.  Things will be different under the new leadership of Supreme Leader Ren. 

 

Kylo decides that the rally will showcase the common man of the First Order.  He gives orders to stuff the _Supremacy_ amphitheater full of enlisted personnel, NCOs, and low level commissioned officers. No one wears a helmet at the rally, he decrees.  I want the galaxy to see the faces of the First Order, he explains.  Let them see our stormtroopers who won the galaxy.  Let them see the men and women who rose up to reject the incompetence of the Republic.  They are the silent majority who one day massed together and roared.  If anyone thinks this to be ironic coming from the always-masked-in-public Kylo Ren, no one has the courage to speak up.

 

As a security precaution and to keep with the everyman visuals, Kylo decides that all mid and senior level officers will remain at their posts. A select group of the First Order high command will be privileged to watch the proceedings with the Supreme Leader himself on the _Finalizer_. Naturally, this will include the peace negotiators too.  For all those who have worked hard for this historic deal will be recognized and celebrated, Kylo decrees.  He orders promotions all around.

 

And, of course, the Supreme Leader will issue an official statement on the peace accord.   It is a terse, to the point paragraph that does nothing to upstage the glorious rhetoric of General Hux.  The First Order will release the statement to the press after the rally, for naturally the Supreme Leader will have the last word.   With that done, bored Kylo forces himself to sit through all the discussion concerning the themes for the general’s speech.  Kylo has few opinions on any of it.   He just wants to keep an eye on Hux.  It is imperative that the general stick to his word to play along.  And Kylo doesn’t want him wandering off to make comcalls to mobilize a coup attempt.  But so far, Hux is being a team player.  He’s loving all the attention and prominence, Kylo sees with contempt.  So perhaps he has bought Hux’s loyalty for the time being after all.  Only time will tell.

 

The day drags on and finally it is done for him.  But Rey remains holed up in a conference room for hours.  When at last she walks in the door late that night, her glum face says it all.  “Oh.  Hi.”  Rey looks anxious and worn down from the stress of weeks spent negotiating that culminated this morning in her pulling her sword on Hux. 

 

“There’s my Jedi heroine,” Kylo smiles and stands.  Rey looks over to see that he is watching the First Order holonet news and sighs.  Kylo immediately turns it off.

 

“Come here.”  She does and he envelopes her in his arms.  He is feeling possessive tonight.  Protective too.  “Hungry?”

 

“Not really. I’m tired mostly. It’s been a long day.”

 

“Then let’s skip the holochron tonight.

 

“Okay.”

 

“How can I help?”

 

“This helps.  This helps a lot.”

 

He strokes her hair and pulls her closer. “I’m proud of you, Rey.”  He wants her to know this. 

 

“Even though I pulled my sword?”  

 

“You showed more restraint than I would have,” he smirks.  “Thank you for staying to see this deal through.”   He wants Rey to feel appreciated for her risk taking.  He loves that she is doing this for him.  “This will be worth it.  You’ll see.”

 

“Can we talk about something else?” Rey grumbles into his chest.

 

“How about we don't talk at all?” he whispers as he nuzzles at her neck. 

 

“Uhmmmm,” Rey moans as she lifts her face for his kiss.  Kylo is only too happy to respond.  For he wants her with a desperation tonight.  Because the more Rey pushes him away, the stronger his urge to hold her tight.  And while his girl might reject his attempts at commitment, she never turns him down for sex.  Rey loves sex.

 

Kylo starts stripping off her uniform as her hands fumble at his.  She is as ready for this as he is, Kylo senses.  But tonight, he forces himself to take his time.  He wants to appreciate his Rey.  But she’s the one urging him to hurry up.  She’s so keyed up that she needs this release. 

 

“Easy,” he soothes as he lays her back on the bed and starts kissing up from her knee.  “Let’s take care of you first.”  He nestles himself between her legs to give her what she needs.  Rey sinks her fingers deep into his hair and he loves that.  As she quivers and gasps out her pleasure, he can feel her start to relax.  “You can’t leave me,” he teases her. “Who else can do this for you?”

 

Rey just moans. 

 

“Don’t answer that,” he warns, only half-joking. “I alone get to touch you.  I’ll kill any man who touches you.”

 

“Stop talking,” Rey complains grumpily as she sits up on her elbows.

 

Kylo smirks and gets back to work.  Rey gets back to moaning.  It’s not long before her small animal cry of climax.  “My turn,” he grins.  Kylo might be a late bloomer but he’s got this bedroom thing down.  And now he’s got her ankles around his ears as he plows into her.  She loves this too.  Rey revels in it all, lifting her hips to meet him thrust for thrust.  She has figured out just the angle she needs to find her moment of oblivion from this as well.  Kylo is not the only fast learner when it comes to sex.  And since they have been going at it like rabbits since that trip to Mustafar, he and Rey have had lots of practice.  Rey might shy away from telling him that she cares with words, but the way she revels in his arms and eagerly reaches for him speak volumes.  When it’s all over, she’s lying with her head on his chest.  Rey is a cuddler and a snuggler.  It’s almost childlike at times.  For if Kylo tends to be the clingy one with commitment, Rey is the clingy one with touch. 

 

Kylo sighs and closes his eyes.  For these few fleeting moments in each other’s arms in the afterglow, all is right with the universe.  There is no war, no Snoke, no Hux, no Force.  Just he and Rey in blissful, drifting harmony.  Oh, how he craves this feeling. 

 

“I love you,” Kylo suddenly blurts out.

 

Maybe it’s too soon to tell his skittish, remote Rey this, but Kylo needs to say it for himself.   He’s an emotional guy who isn’t used to bottling things up.  That isn’t the way of Darkness.  The Dark Side gives free rein to feelings.  It revels in indulgence and abandon.  Disciples of the Shadow Force are rarely cold in nature.  They tend to be hot, passionate men.   “Oh,” comes Rey’s delayed, very subdued response.   It’s what he’s expecting even if it’s not what he’s hoping for.  “Shhhh.”  He kisses her as she lifts her head and looks at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw.  “Don’t say anything.  You don’t have to say anything.”   He knows Rey doesn’t love him.  Not yet.  So he tells himself not to be disappointed because she can’t reciprocate.   Someday she will.  His girl has a lot of trust issues thanks to her background.  And trust is the foundation of love.  But he can be patient for things worth waiting for.  Rey will come around in the end.

 

Kylo says it again now because it feels good:  “I love you.  I just want you to know.”

 

The truth is that Kylo has a nagging bad feeling about things right now too.  He won’t tell Rey that.  He doesn’t want to worry her.  She’s already spooked enough as it is. But just in case things go badly for either of them in the next two days, he wants to confess his love.  For love is precious and too often fleeting, and no one knows that better than the much rejected Kylo Ren.  Maybe this is too soon, he thinks.  Yeah, it probably is.  But just like the deadline he gave Coruscant and Corellia today to speed things up, this peace deal creates momentum for him too.  And since Kylo Ren is nothing if not determined and aggressive, he keeps pushing ahead for more.

 

“Rey, I want you to be with me here on the _Finalizer_ during the announcement. I want you at my side.  There will be a group of senior officers here watching with me.   Your negotiating team will be there too.  This way I can keep you safe and you can have your moment of triumph.  We both know you deserve all the credit for this.”

 

Rey is still looking spooked as she absently replies, “No, thanks.  I'm not part of the First Order.  I’ll watch alone in here.”

 

That’s a nonstarter as far as Kylo is concerned.  He wants eyes on Rey the whole time to be sure she is safe.  And remembering how well they fought the Praetorian guards together, he knows Rey will be good in a fight if it comes to that.  But Kylo doesn’t want to scare her further, so he omits that reason. 

 

“You don’t have to be in a uniform,” he decides.  Some women look great in a uniform.  Rey isn’t one of them. On her it looks bulky and stiff and very not her.  “Hux has already exposed you so there’s no need to keep up the charade.  We'll get you a beautiful dress.  White for the Light.  White for peace.”

 

“A dress? I’ve never worn a dress.”  Rey is skeptical.  “I’m not sure I’m a dress kind of girl.” “Sure, you are,” he smiles his encouragement.  “Be my princess, Rey.”

 

Rey screws up her face.  “Ewww . . . I’m not your mother.”

 

“No, you’re not.  And thank the Gods for that,” he chuckles.  Kylo pulls her back down into his arms.  He’s warming to his idea as he persists.  “You will be there as yourself.  As Rey the former Resistance girl with the Force who helped the First Order and the holdout worlds find common ground for peace.”

 

“How are you going to explain that?”  Her tone betrays her complete lack of enthusiasm.  

 

“I'll tell everyone that we bridged our differences for the sake of the future.  It will be a message of unity.  No one will dare complain.  Not if they want to live,” he adds.

 

Rey sits up again to frown down at him. “Ben, people will start asking lots of questions.  About me and about us.  I’ll be a political liability you don't need right now.  The last thing you need is an unpopular association with a Resistance member to upset your officers.”

 

“Association?  You mean like as my girlfriend?” he goads. 

 

“I’m not your girlfriend,” Rey complains, sounding thoroughly annoyed now. 

 

“Fine.  Then we'll just tell everyone you are my wife.”  Kylo can’t resist trying for this again.  He’s aggressive in all things.  

 

“Drop it, Ben.”

 

He doesn’t.  "Then be my consort instead.  Rule the galaxy with me.  We'll leave the personal part vague.  No labels,” he offers a compromise.

 

But Rey isn’t in the mood.  “No.”

 

“Why not?   The galaxy needs heroes, Rey.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?” he grumbles again.   “You do realize that you've been doing it already for weeks now, right?  You've been ruling the galaxy with me from a conference room while you negotiate peace.”

 

“Oh.”  This thought has clearly never occurred to his girl.  

 

“This is like the girlfriend thing.  Because you're my girlfriend even if I can't call you my girlfriend.”  Kylo can’t keep the tinge of resentment out of his voice. This is the legacy of Jakku, he knows.  For Rey is shy about putting her faith in him after the disappointment of waiting so many years for her family who never came.  And here he is offering her the belonging she craves.  But it scares her.  Rey wants closeness but it bewilders her too.  And so, Rey's first urge is to back away.  Kylo is trying to be patient about it.  But he’s failing tonight.  Because when Rey had told him goodbye this morning, it had shaken him to the core.

 

“I'm your teacher too, you know,” he informs her smugly.  “Since you showed up here with Luke's books I've been teaching you the Force.  Just not formally.”

 

“Oh.”   This too apparently had not occurred to Rey.  But it’s the truth.  As they stand side by side doing lightsaber forms for exercise every morning, he’s teaching her.  And every time they have ever had a conversation about the nature of the Force, he is imparting the knowledge he learned from Luke Skywalker and Snoke.  Sure, it’s not the traditional Master relationship.  It’s more collaborative and ad hoc.  But that doesn’t change the essence of what it is.   

 

And so now, Kylo makes his pitch.  “Let's stop pretending and make it official.  All of it.  Call it like it is, Rey.  This will be our moment.  Come hold my hand and let me introduce you as mine.  I can’t wait to see Hux’s face when we tell him.”

 

Again, she shies away.  This time forcefully.  Her tone says it all. “Ben, stop!  Stop pressuring me!  This is too much.  And this is the wrong time for this.”

 

“But—“

 

“I said back off!”  Rey says this in the barking tone she had used with that rival scavenger on Jakku.  

 

He sighs.  Like his grandfather, Ben Solo grew up being taught to deny himself all attachments.   But in the end, he was unwilling and unable to do so.  Longing for his absent parents.  And now, longing for Rey.  Attachments are a family trait, for his grandfather too had failed to resist them. Power might be the goal for the Dark Side but for the Skywalker men, love is their forever aching, gaping need.  For these powerful Dark priests of the Force are ruled foremost by their emotions.  And so it is natural for them to love and to need love in return.  For years, Kylo had languished in lonely, violent depression.  But now Rey is here and he is determined to make her everything he has ever needed.  Lover, friend, colleague, and soulmate.  All in record time.  

 

But even Kylo can see that he needs to slow down tonight.  “Okay, okay,” he backs down.  “We’ll keep things the way they are for now.  Everything unofficial and off the record.  It’s enough that you are here with me.”

 

“Ben, you’re scaring me.”  Rey physically pulls away now.  She scoots halfway across the bed.

 

But he reaches to tug her back.  “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he soothes.  “Rey, I won’t let you down.”

 

But Rey now looks like a cornered animal desperate to flee.  Her choking voice tells him she’s about to cry.  “I’m not in the F-First Order!” she stammers out.  “I d-don’t wear d-dresses.  Ben, I d-don’t think I can be who you want me to be.”   She is upset, angry, and sad all at once.  Panicked yet again by his desire for a commitment and a public alliance.

 

Kylo pulls her closer still.  “You already are everything I want.  Don’t change a thing.”

 

Rey being Rey, her next move is to shut the conversation down.  “Can we just go to sleep now?  P-Please??”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I’m going to s-sleep now.”

 

“Alright.”  He wants to tell her that he loves her again.  But he knows she doesn’t want to hear it.


	27. Chapter 27

Ben drops the subject of publicly revealing their relationship. Outside the door of his quarters, Rey remains Lieutenant Solo even if there are many whispers about her. Rey has the imprimatur of authority to complete her task from both the Supreme Leader and General Hux and she has a lightsaber. That’s enough for no one to bother her. It’s also plenty for people to talk about behind her back.

Still, the peace deal is completed prior to the deadline. The peace accord ends up being far more progressive than even Rey had hoped. There are plans for a Senate and a written constitution with a basic bill of rights. At long last, non-human species will be given equal protection under the law with humanoids. Elections are to be held in six months’ time and the new legislature will be convened by the end of the year under the leadership of Senate Chancellor Hux. A general amnesty is declared for all enemy combatants, covering the citizen guerilla warriors on Coruscant and Corellia as well as New Republic and Resistance fighters. There are specific pardons for the surviving New Republic officials in hiding, as well as a pardon for General Leia Organa herself. Any First Order member acting upon official orders is now absolved from prosecution for war crimes. There is a timetable to phase out martial law in the Core and a plan to demilitarize key hyperspace lanes that the First Order commandeered in their march across the galaxy. Under this new regime, bygones will be bygones. Life will slowly return to normal and commerce and trade will resume instead of war.

Many of the peace provisions are structured as a nod to both sides of the conflict. Superweapons long feared by the heavily populated Core are now forbidden, as is the scourge of slavery that has long plagued the Rim. There is flowery language that regrets the loss of thousands of lives on the Starkiller and the loss of billions of lives on Hosnia. There is funding to rebuild the damaged worlds of the Core and funding to build basic infrastructure everywhere else, even in places like Jakku. In essence, the deal includes things that each side will like and things that each side will not. And that is the sign of a good compromise, Rey thinks. For both sides gave up something to gain something. And, all in all, Rey sees the total package as a very magnanimous gesture by Ben. He didn’t have to do any of this. He could have razed Coruscant and Corellia and let the war grind on another two years. But he didn’t. Because despite all Ben’s brutal ruthlessness, he truly wants to make things better. There is a persistent, almost romantic optimism to this Dark warrior. Maybe, Rey thinks, that’s because he is a Chosen One and a Skywalker.

The morning of the peace announcement, Rey puts on her uniform and tucks her sword inside. Ben nods approvingly and tells her to stay alert. 

“I still have a bad feeling about all this,” Rey complains as she pulls on her hat. 

This time, Ben agrees. “Me too.”

“What aren’t you telling me?” Rey whirls to demand. “I thought today was all about peace—" 

“Summon the Force,” he instructs and she does. “Feel the change,” he intones softly.

Yes, Rey can feel the Force swirling around them both, unsettled and erratic. Almost frantic at times. “What is that?” she wonders aloud. She raises fearful eyes to Ben. For this morning, the Force feels like conflict, like unexpected events to come, like death. It’s unnerving. And Dark. “Ben, what’s happening?” 

“Change,” he answers. “After today, nothing will be the same.”

“Oh.”

“This is the change that we have caused. This peace deal will help the galaxy at large, but it will cause conflict too.” Ben is talking about his leadership of the First Order, she knows. And about his rivalry with General Hux. “Stay alert, Rey. I want you to be safe. That’s why I want you at my side all day.”

Rey nods. She’s already agreed to this.

“Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Rey answers grimly. 

He looks solemn as he blesses them both. “Then may the Force be with us today.”

Together they stride out into the hallway. They march to a giant conference room just off the bridge. The room is stuffed full of First Order top brass all seated in neat rows along with Rey’s First Order negotiating team members. The Corellia and Coruscant delegations aren’t here. They are in the amphitheater of the Supremacy smiling and waving for the cameras behind the rostrum where General Hux will speak. 

A giant screen dominates one wall of the conference room and it plays the live feed from the amphitheater as the First Order talking head pundits make remarks. This is an historic day no one ever thought to see . . . At long last, victory is ours . . . Kylo Ren has achieved peace in our time . . . The fawning, laudatory coverage keeps piling on as everyone anxiously waits for the festivities to begin. As usual, the First Order excels at stagecraft. But this time, the atmosphere is very loose. The cameras pan around the amphitheater to show the thousands of uniformed troops at ease cheering and smiling. Per the Supreme Leader’s wish, no one has a helmet or a hat on. 

Let’s listen in, a broadcaster says, and the camera runs down a row of unhelmeted stormtroopers shouting out to loved ones back home. Hi, Mom! Honey, I made it through like I told you I would . . . Baby, I have furlough starting next week so get your hair done because I’m taking you out . . . At the end of the row, a male and female stormtrooper standing shoulder to shoulder get caught kissing on camera. Then, the man drops down on one knee. It’s a proposal of marriage that is no doubt completely forbidden by First Order regulations. But in the moment, it is utterly charming for its underlying message of hope. The war is over and it’s time to seek your dreams. The woman says yes, the couple kisses again, and there are hearty congratulations and backslapping all around as the camera lingers to catch it all. 

These are ordinary people living through extraordinary times. Their sense of unbridled joy and relief is infectious, Rey thinks. And no matter the fascist trappings and the overblown rhetoric to come, this peace deal is a real achievement. Rey is proud of her role in making it happen. She’s proud of Ben for taking this huge step forward too. For today, the galaxy skews a little less Dark. Things have been nudged closer to the elusive balance long foretold.

That optimism is not present in the room she’s standing in, however. It’s not hard to see how unpopular this peace deal is among the First Order’s high command. From these men’s expressions, no one looks very happy to be here. A few keep sending her dirty looks. But most reserve their unspoken censure for Supreme Leader Kylo Ren who stands alone at the front of the room. These men are the brain trust of the First Order and they are deeply suspicious of their new leader and ideologically opposed to the peace deal announced today. Can Ben convince them of his leadership? Looking around at the body language of the group, Rey has misgivings. These men look very dug in.

General Hux appears on camera now. Slowly making his way to the podium as he shakes hands and acknowledges salutes. He’s a born politician, Rey decides, with his tall, handsome features and patrician air. Finally, he makes it to the rostrum where he calls the assembled troops to attention. The immediate thundering salute from the thousands in attendance is impressive to behold. And then, the spectacle begins. Victory is ours! That opening declaration from Hux prompts a spontaneous cheer that lasts a whole minute before the general launches into his trademark lofty rhetoric. If ever he quits the First Order, the General should try acting, Rey thinks. Because Hux is giving a very good impression that he believes what he says. It’s a strange counterpoint to his diatribe in the conference room mere days ago. One thing is clear, General Hux plays games and he plays them well. And right now, he appears to be playing both sides. 

Ben must know this, of course. Rey’s eyes find Ben now standing with crossed arms at the front of the room. He’s got his helmet off here before his high command. Oddly enough, he appears to be watching his men more than he is watching Hux on the screen. Rey recognizes that brooding, calculated cast to Ben’s features. And now, she too tunes out Hux. Her attention is all for Ben. He’s all she has been thinking about for the past few days.

He loves her. Someone finally loves her. Love truly does find you when and where you least expect it. For never would Rey ever have imagined she would find love with Kylo Ren. But he’s not Kylo Ren. Not with her at least. Ben Solo, the private man behind the mask, is a needy, vulnerable, and thoughtful man. It’s a side of himself he shows only to her. It’s like a shared secret between them.

Does she love him back? Rey has agonized over this point. She doesn’t know what love is. She’s never seen it for herself. On the holonet, love is passion and devotion. Love is selfless sacrifice. Is that how she feels? Rey isn’t sure. But when Ben holds her tight it feels so good. And when Ben speaks of his family, the Force, and the future, he is so intense and compelling that she wants to agree. He does bad things but his intentions are good. And he wants to take care of her. This fallen Dark prince of the Skywalker clan is offering Rey everything her girlish self has ever wished for. But he comes with a lot of strings attached and a very dangerous life. 

Still, she’s Rey of Jakku and she knows that nothing in life is perfect. Everything has tradeoffs and compromises. And everything has risks. Once, she risked a lot for Ben Solo by staring down Snoke. Afterwards, she had been crushed and angry when he let her down. But Rey has come to see the error of her assessment, for in the interim Ben has convinced her that she had been seeking the wrong solution. That she had been wrong to try to turn Ben back to the Light. Her goal should have been to understand him so that together they could balance the Force. 

She understands him now. At least, she thinks she does. And she cares for him deeply. Is that love? After a lot of silent soul searching over the past thirty-six hours, Rey has decided it is. So with a deep breath, she pushes off the back wall she’s leaning against and walks to Ben’s side at the front of the room. 

“Lieutenant?” he says softly. His rumbling baritone draws glances. Hux is half an hour into his speech now and shows no signs of stopping. The audience in the conference room looks bored and ready to the flee the room.

Rey nods at Ben and he shifts his stance to drop his arms. She intercepts one gloved hand boldly and squeezes it. She smiles up at him. “I’m not your Lieutenant anymore,” Rey answers as she sweeps off her uniform cap. “Not now that the deal is announced. I’m done pretending.”

His dark eyes narrow and one eyebrow raises. “Good. Then who are you in this setting?”

“Call me whatever you wish,” Rey answers. “I don’t care about titles or labels anymore. I only care about you.”

“What are you saying?” he demands bluntly. His dark eyes are flashing at her.

Rey takes a deep breath. “I’m saying that I will be whatever you want me to be, Ben. This peace deal is just the beginning, I hope.” And that’s as close to a declaration of love as Rey of Jakku can get. Unfortunately, it’s said before a roomful of hostile onlookers. But Rey is moved by the importance of the moment and emboldened by the promise of peace. 

On the holonet, this would be the moment that they kiss and the music swells, but they have an audience and Hux is looming large up on the screen. It’s hardly a romantic setting. So Ben just nods his approval. He leans in. “I knew you would come around to seeing it the way I do.”

Their conversation is definitely fetching looks now. But the room is large and with Hux’s speech cranked up their words remain private. Still, their familiar body language must be speaking volumes to the onlookers. For no one holds the hand of Kylo Ren. 

Hux sounds like he is warming up for his big finish now. Ben glances over to the screen and agrees. “This is almost through. When Hux is done, I need to take care of business. It is necessary, Rey. Both to keep the peace and for your safety and for mine.”

“Business?” she asks. She’s confused by his vagueness.

Ben answers with a question. “Do you trust me?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“Then promise me you will not interfere.”

Rey has a sudden sensation of danger now. It’s like a mental chill of sorts. Her eyes grow wide as she recognizes the feeling. For the Force moves Darkly around someone about to kill. “You’re going to kill someone,” she whispers.

He nods. “Tell me you will not interfere. I need you to trust my judgement.”

Her eyes dart involuntarily back to the room of mostly men. She scans the crowd briefly, wondering which of these people will be the one to die. Who will be the unlucky one made an example of by Kylo Ren? Probably that priggish General Counsel guy in the back, she thinks. 

Rey takes a deep breath. She has seen Ben kill before. First his father on the Starkiller, then he tried to kill Finn. Next it was the Praetorian guards they took on together and Rey held her own and killed too. But really, that was self-defense. Most recently, it was the guy from Corellia who had refused to negotiate and lost his head as a result. 

On the whole, Rey doesn’t approve of violent behavior. In fact, she hates cruelty and only resorts to violence herself when she feels pushed. But she feels powerless to change the violence in Ben Solo. And to love him is to accept the whole man. So, Rey loves the Light in Ben and tries her best to understand the Dark.

“Trust me,” he urges.

Blinking fast, nervous Rey reminds herself that Ben knows the power structure and inner workings of the First Order in a way that she does not. She shouldn’t second guess him in this. After all, he managed to arm twist General Hux into giving this grand speech in favor of peace. She had warned Snoke not to underestimate Ben Solo. Rey decides to take that advice herself.

“I will not interfere,” she whispers back, instantly feeling guilty and complicit as the words leave her mouth.

“Good. Stay out of the way and keep your sword handy in case you need to deflect a shot. Most of these men are armed.” She senses Ben summon Force and she knows that he is locking the doors at the back of the room. There will be no escape for his victim today.

On the screen behind them, Hux is done now. It’s all over but the thundering applause and the red and black confetti that streams down and briefly obscures the wide-angle camera shot. The enemy has surrendered, peace is declared, and the war is over. And now, the battle for control of the First Order begins. Ben leans down in full view of everyone and kisses Rey on the lips. Then he steps forward and lights his iconic red sword with an ominous snap-hiss. After a moment’s pause, he gets to work. 

Rey watches stunned and frozen on the spot. She has seen death on Jakku and death in war. She’s caused death too. But she has never seen this. With methodical, decisive swings, Ben cuts a swathe through the assembled First Order leaders. With efficient strokes he fells them one by one with mortal strokes. Those in the back get up to run and find the doors locked. Some pull blasters and attempt to fight back. It’s a futile effort for those blaster shots that don’t ricochet harmlessly off the walls are frozen in place with the Force. Rey watches as several panicked men stumble back into plasma bolts suspended in the air, accidentally impaling themselves in their haste to get away. But there is no escape from the slaughter of Kylo Ren. In less than five minutes, all are dead. The room is silent but for the livefeed from the Supremacy and the incessant crackle and buzz of Ben’s sword.

Ben now stands triumphant amid the sea of bodies. No, he’s not Ben. This is Kylo Ren, Rey thinks. This is the madman with the Force who the whole galaxy fears and many hold in contempt. The man whose legendary rage is second only to his lust for power. He will do anything to win the galaxy, and nothing will stand in his way. Not his enemies in the Republic and the Resistance nor his supposed allies in the First Order. For Rey sees immediately that this brutality was preplanned.

If lightsabers did not cauterize wounds, the room would be dripping with blood. Instead, it is a gruesome scene of severed heads and limbs. Looking around, Rey feels physically sick. For this is far worse than anything Rey has ever seen in a wreck on Jakku. This is mass murder. Cruel and calculated to consolidate Ben’s power. In a surreal happenstance, the giant screen behind him still shows General Hux beaming before the adulation of the crowd. Peace has ruled the day on the Supremacy, but war still rages on the Finalizer today. Only the war is not without, it is within.

Horrified Rey finally finds her voice. “How could you?” Rey is aghast as her eyes again sweep the carnage. “These were your own men!”

Ben extinguishes his sword. “They were Hux’s men. And now they are dead. It will serve as a good example for others.”

“But they trusted you!” Rey accuses. 

Ben starts picking his way through the bodies towards her. He shrugs, clearly unrepentant. “They would have sided with Hux against me. Hux gets to live because they died.” Ben looks almost irritated by her reaction, she sees. “This is how my grandfather ended the Clone Wars on Mustafar. He took matters into his own hands with the Separatist leaders. The war was over right then and there.” Ben turns to survey his handiwork. He looks grimly satisfied, she sees. “Hopefully, this means Hux’s coup planning is over too.”

“I can’t believe you did this!” Rey shakes her head. “Did you even have actual proof they were disloyal or was this just a hunch?” 

That provokes his annoyance. “Don’t pretend that you don’t kill!” Ben accuses. “Do you know how many died on the Starkiller you helped to blow up? How many TIEs did you shoot down at Crait?”

“This isn’t war. This is murder!” Murder like when young Ben Solo murdered his classmates at the Jedi Academy long ago. Rey has known that history all along, of course, but witnessing this Dark Side rampage brings home to her just what a heinous act it must have been. And this isn’t a confused hormonal fifteen-year-old with Snoke in his head. This is a grown man making his own calculated decisions in a high stakes powerplay. And, incongruously, it’s all being done in the name of peace.

Once again, Rey sees that she has enabled Ben’s rise to power. That was the effect of her confrontation with Snoke. That is the effect of the peace deal she negotiated on Ben’s behalf. For yet again, her good intentions have been manipulated for Ben’s gain. It’s all defensible in a way. For killing Snoke had the effect of saving her. And killing these men will forestall a violent schism in the First Order. But the ultimate winner yet again is Ben Solo, the erstwhile Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Looking at him approaching her now, all Rey can think is that she too had underestimated Ben Solo. She should have known better. You should never underestimate a Skywalker. Whether Dark or Light, they always have destiny on their side.

Suddenly, Rey feels very used. Maybe that was not Ben’s intention, but it certainly feels like the effect.

For his part, Ben looks resolute and unapologetic. “This is how change happens in wartime,” he schools her. “You don’t get fired from leadership of the First Order. If you’re not with us, you’re against us, Rey. That’s how these jobs work. And besides, I don’t need some ultra-conservative fifth column forming. These men had their day and it’s time to make room for new faces with new ideas. A change at the top always means change filtering down.” 

“I can’t believe you did this,” Rey says aloud. And that’s not precisely true. She’s long known that Ben is capable of things like this, but now she has seen it for herself. There is so much Darkness in this man, she realizes. Far more than she has ever let herself acknowledge before. For since their Force bond activated, Rey has doggedly looked to find the Light in him. She has deceived herself, Rey sees. But confronted by this act today, Rey cannot deny the depth of his Darkness. It scares her. For if Ben can do this, then what else is he capable of? And what might that mean for her? Remembering Han Solo, Rey feels a sudden rush of panic. She swallows hard.

Ben shoots her a resentful look. “I am doing this for you! To move the Order forward to the more moderate tone that you want. To form a government that you will feel comfortable ruling with me. This was a compromise, Rey.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on me!” Rey hisses. “I never wanted this!” She looks again at the fifty dismembered bodies on the floor. “I hate this side of you,” she moans. “The side that finds violence the convenient answer to every problem! The side for which your ends always justify your means!” 

“Stop and think a moment,” he interrupts. “These guys were hardliners. Some of them made Starkiller Hux look soft! Snoke loved promoting these radical zealots. They did anything he asked without question. It set the tone for the entire Order. And, today, I’m setting a new tone at the top.”

“It sure doesn’t look like it,” Rey disagrees. Looking to Ben now, she wails, “I love you but I don’t like what you do.” She’s heartsick at seeing this side to Ben. She feels duped, even though she knows she shouldn’t. For this is what the entire galaxy expects of Kylo Ren. Everyone except foolish Rey of Jakku who had expected better of him. 

“Wait--you love me?” Ben says hoarsely. His voice is suddenly choked and his face hopeful. Again, he steps towards Rey ignoring her hands raised as if to ward him off. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t love you,” Rey cries miserably. “Maybe I am a fool . . . “ He’s almost upon her now, but Rey neatly sidesteps as he tries to intercept her. Instead, she moves forward into the room, closer to the bodies. She’s dazed and lightheaded from the scene of so much gory death. “Who am I kidding?” she whispers as she stares at the casualties. “You are who you have always been—a violent, power mad monster.” Today’s act is fully in keeping with the man who ignited his sword through his father’s heart. “I can’t pretend anymore that the war doesn’t matter, that our differences don’t matter. I thought we wanted the same things and maybe we still do. But we go about them in very different ways.” 

Ben has come up behind her now. He has his hands on her upper arms as he speaks soft instructions into her ear. “Take a deep breath and hold it together. You’re blowing this out of proportion. We’re going to leave now and you will never have to see this again. It’s over and done. Let’s get you out of here.” 

But Rey isn’t moving. She stares blankly as she stammers out, “I’m such a fool . . . a desperate fool . . . your mother and Luke both warned me about you . . . “ 

Again, she hears Ben’s voice in her ear. It is calm and reassuring. Talking her down as if she is the crazy person who has lost her cool and he is the reasonable one. “Keep focused on what matters. We have brought peace and order to the galaxy. You and I will rule together and make life better for everyone going forward.”

Rey shakes her head. “I’m not joining you.” This is not what she signed up for.

Her response sets him off. He jerks her around to face him and his tone is warning as he waves a finger under her nose. “Don’t do this, Rey. Don’t do this again!” 

“I don’t want this,” Rey snaps back. She is just as serious as he is. “I didn’t want this in Snoke’s throne room and I don’t want it now. This isn’t balance—" 

“You want to keep your hands clean, do you? Fine. Then look the other way. Because this comes along with me, Rey! I am Light and I am Dark, and today Darkness wins.” 

Yes, she knows. Darkness does what must be done. It does not hesitate and it shows no mercy. Darkness doesn’t talk through conflict, it acts. And this double-digit body count is the result. Rey looks to Ben, feeling stricken. “I don’t think I want you either then,” she voices her thoughts aloud.

“What??” His face betrays his hurt. “What are you saying? You just told me you loved me!”

Rey feels her lips trembling and a solitary tear now leaks out. “I’m saying . . .” What is she saying?? Rey tries again. Taking a deep breath, she pushes aside her confusion to decide, “I’m saying I can’t love a man if I hate the things he does. And I certainly can’t stay with you.”

“What? Rey—" He reaches for her but she is already starting to walk away. “You don’t get to leave me, Rey. It’s too late for that—"

She whirls to retort, “I won’t be a part of this!” 

“You are the most confounding woman!” he now accuses. “I offer you everything--the galaxy, the Force, a chance to shape the future—and it’s still not enough!” The resentful look Ben gives her makes Rey’s blood run cold. For not ten minutes ago, this man had kissed her before he vented his bloodlust. That boldness should have tipped her off that no one in the room would live to tell about it. “You are never going to be who I want you to be, are you? You keep disappointing me! You ungrateful bitch! I am the fool here,” Ben says bitterly as his anger crests. “I am a fool to think that you would be different. But you are just like my mother. Your love has conditions I can’t meet.” 

His ranting makes Rey all the more convinced of her decision. But still, she feels the need to explain. Because it’s true. She does love this man. “Ben, I thought that if we cared for one another and wanted the same goals, then we could find solutions together. But this extreme violence,” she gestures to the heap of bodies, “is what brought the galaxy to war. It’s not the solution for peace.”

“It was the best solution for this crew, Rey.” Exasperated, Ben begins talking down to her now like she is a child who is incapable of understanding. “Love won’t end the war and save the galaxy, Rey. Love won’t balance the Force.” Ben runs a hand through his hair as he complains, “You are breaking my heart! Go back to my quarters,” he now orders dismissively like she is his subordinate. “We will discuss this later. I still need to deal with Hux.” Ben pauses to speak into his comlink now. “Meet me in the large conference room off the bridge,” he orders some nameless underling. “Now.”

But Rey is already shaking her head and backing away. “I’m not going back to your quarters,” she disavows. “I came here to help you with Snoke and I stayed to help you make peace. Snoke truly is dead and your peace deal is agreed. My job here is done.”

“Yeah? And what about me?” Ben wants to know. His voice cracks as he says the words. “We are more than just allies, Rey. I love you. If you love me, then prove it now. Stay. Don’t leave. Wait for me in my quarters and we will sort this out.”

But already Rey is concentrating to unlock the doors with the Force. Because unlike everyone else in the room, she refuses to be trapped by this man. Thanks to Ben Solo, she has been awakened to the Force, awakened to sex, and awakened to love. Their brief, intense time together has left its mark on both of their hearts. But whereas Ben is a man who gives free rein to his feelings, Rey buries them deep. Now is not the time to analyze how she feels about things. Now is the time to escape. She’s not about to stick around until Ben finally loses it and they end up fighting with swords. For like Luke Skywalker, Rey doesn’t want to fight someone she loves and has compassion for. She has only ever wanted to save Ben Solo from himself, not to kill him. But somehow along the way she accomplished neither of those tasks. Instead, quite by accident, she stupidly fell in love. 

How she regrets that now. Because this hurts. Oh, how it hurts. 

“I am leaving now. Don’t try to stop me,” Rey warns. 

And that’s when Ben’s demeanor shifts. He is a man of many moods and some of them only last seconds long. “Who’s trying to stop you?” he jeers. “Go ahead, leave Jedi! But don’t come back. I won’t take you back. This is your last chance!” he hollers at her retreating form. His face is contorted and his fists are raised and clenched. Ben looks like a barely restrained animal who might at any moment attack. For such is his indignant rage. 

“Go ahead, run away! Run like you did on Takodana. Run like you did on the Supremacy. You can run as far as you want but you can’t outrun these problems. You can’t outrun destiny! Go back to your trash planet, scavenger! Throw your life away like your parents once threw you away! No one will ever want you but me. No one will ever love you but me!” 

Rey keeps walking. She has her right hand tucked into her uniform to grasp her sword hilt in case she needs to pull it fast. Is he following her? She’s too afraid to look back.

He’s not. Rey hears Ben’s parting words as she slips through the doorway and almost collides with an incoming officer. “You’ll be back!” Ben hollers. “You’ll be back and begging for my forgiveness! And then I will destroy you!” 

Her heart skips a beat at those words, but Rey forces herself to remember that this man’s default response to rejection is to lash out. For when Ben Solo hurts, he wants everyone to hurt with him. And that is one more reason she needs to get away from this toxic, violent man. She can’t be with a man who makes her feel this confused and unsafe.

She is in the hallway now, blinded by tears but driven by adrenaline. Rey is a survivor and so her sense of self-preservation is strong even though she is upset. Rey forces herself to walk fast rather than run so as not to attract attention. With her hat off, she feels very exposed. She keeps her head down and tries to look like she knows where she is going. Luckily, the hallways are lightly crowded. Everyone is either attending Hux’s speech or watching it. 

But where is she? Life in the desert has given Rey a good sense of direction but the hallways of the Finalizer mostly look the same. Rey knows she’s on A-deck near the bridge. But this is not an area that she has ever explored before on her own. If she can just find an elevator, she can take it to the bottommost floor and feel her way towards the gigantic hangar bay. Surely, it’s too big to miss. From there, she can steal a ship and escape. But Rey finds herself going in circles until she finally locates an elevator bank. Then, even the hangar bay proves difficult to locate after rattled Rey takes two wrong turns. It’s a full twenty minutes later before she arrives at the cavernous main hangar bay that serves as ingress and egress from the Finalizer’s carefully monitored airlock. 

Ben’s black command shuttle is parked upfront closest to the airlock, of course. Rank has its privileges. Off to the side in a slightly less prominent position sits his ugly red TIE Silencer. Rey makes a beeline for the TIE. She knows from her past escape that Ben’s ship will have all the security protocols and clearances she needs to sneak away undetected. Plus, someone will think twice before they second guess what the eccentric Supreme Leader is up to his eyesore ship.

But how do you get in this damn ship? Rey circles the TIE’s cockpit trying to look inconspicuous. It turns out that the slick ship has a retractable boarding ladder that deploys from the cockpit. Rey starts randomly punching at the mechanism and the ladder deploys loudly. Of course, it attracts attention. 

“You there! You’re not permitted in there. It’s restricted.” This is the voice of a deck officer who is heading her direction with a scowl. “Do you know whose ship this is?” the man demands loudly.

Rey ignores him. 

“Hey! I said back away or I’ll shoot!”

That gets Rey’s attention. She whirls at the sound of the voice in time to see a blaster bolt aimed at her. Rey dives to avoid it. She hits the ground hard and looks up to see the deck officer hailing the attention of a pair of stormtroopers. That’s bad. Then Rey looks the other direction and sees Ben and two officers marching purposely towards his command shuttle. That’s worse. 

She scrambles up the ladder into the TIE’s cockpit as two more warning shots land close by. They are stun shots, Rey sees from the way they dissipate without leaving scorch marks. The ship is not primed so the ignition cycle is maximum length. That’s a precious two minutes that Rey doesn’t have to waste. And that’s long enough for Rey to attract more hostile attention as the two stormtroopers insert themselves into the situation. 

“Stop that ship!”

“Blast them!”

Two stormtroopers shooting regular blasters are ineffective against the TIE’s shields. But if they manage to get onboard and drag her out, all is lost. So Rey skips the usual warmup and takes the risk of bypassing the normal launch cycle. Suddenly, the TIE’s repulsolifts abruptly kick in and the ship lurches forward as it breaks gravity. 

Rey looks up from the controls to see Ben standing between her and the airlock. He has his mask off and even from this distance he and Rey catch eyes. The expression on Ben’s face is something she will never forget. He looks like a man on the verge of something he will regret. Reckless and angry. His visceral hurt shines out from his bleak expression. Nothing between them will ever be the same after today, Rey instinctively knows. For if you’re not with this man, you’re his enemy. The Dark Side deals in absolutes and there is no middle ground. And now Rey wonders whether the imminent change they both sensed in the Force had been related to them and not to galactic politics and the war. Ben has always maintained that they are each other’s destiny. But was destiny altered today? Is that even possible? 

Oh stars, Rey thinks as she stares back transfixed. The enormity of what her leaving means is sinking in. It was never supposed to end this way. He loves her and she loves him, so why can’t it work out like on the holonet? But seeing Ben now is all the reminder Rey needs of why she wants to leave. And she knows that his murder spree she witnessed earlier will haunt her dreams. It’s time to punch it and get out of here before Ben hurls his lightsaber through the shields. The TIE narrowly skirts the parked command shuttle as it flies right over Ben’s head. Thirty seconds later, she is safely away in her stolen ship. 

Rey goes to the only place she knows to go: Jakku.


	28. Chpater 28

As Kylo stands glowering fiercely at Rey’s fast retreating form, through the doorway steps a trim and distinguished looking man of late middle age.  It’s Orest Canady, an old-timer whose twin brother died commanding the dreadnought the Resistance took out over D’qar.  Like his brother, Commander Canady is a veteran of the Imperial Navy who finds most First Order officers to be arrogant and inexperienced.  He’s not shy about saying it either, and that has positioned Canady in opposition to General Hux and his followers.  Old school Canady is the perfect choice to help Kylo thwart any would-be coup attempt.  It’s why he has been summoned to service today.

 

“Sir.” Canady snaps to attention even as his sharp eyes dart to take in the gruesome conference room scene. 

 

“Get someone to deal with this mess, Commander,” Kylo barks.  He doesn’t bother to explain.  He’ll let the act speak for itself.

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“And ready my shuttle.  We’re leaving for the _Supremacy_ soon.”  Kylo turns to regard the older man who he knows had briefly served under his grandfather’s command as a very junior Imperial officer years ago.  “Commander Canady, you’re my personal aide now.”

 

It’s a credit to Canady that he doesn’t flinch or so much as blink at this news.  It’s just as Kylo had assessed, this man is made of stern stuff.  He’s impressed. 

 

“Thank you, Sir.”  Canady salutes and then departs to follow orders. 

 

That leaves Kylo to cool his heels and brood.  Of course, his thoughts are consumed with Rey.  He’s fighting hard the urge to chase her down and forcibly keep her here.  But he knows that’s a bad idea.  Mostly because if he caught her, Kylo doesn’t trust himself not to hurt her.  He is that angry right now.  And even if he did restrain himself, Kylo doesn’t want a prisoner, he wants a girlfriend.  He wants Rey to want to be with him. 

 

Fuck!  He can’t believe she has done this.  She’s broken his heart.

 

He feels blindsided even though he knows he shouldn’t.  For Rey has been threatening to run away off and on, and finally she has done it today.  Rey is so immature.  Skittish too.  And maybe that is understandable since she’s only nineteen.  He himself was flighty and unsure of himself at that age, Kylo recalls.  He’s been trying to be patient with Rey’s idealistic, sometimes childishly naive views.  And he knows that Rey’s conflicting loyalties—to herself, to the Resistance, and to him—are confusing for her.   Plus, she has no experience with friendship or love.  And, yeah, she’s a loner as a result so her default setting is to be alone.  But still . . . he can’t believe she has walked out on him.  And after she told him that she loved him too.

 

Fuck . . . Rey is so disappointing to him.

 

The truth is that Rey might be an amazing untutored prodigy in the Force, but that’s about it.  Her life experience has been very limited up until she found the droid with the map to Skywalker in the desert. As amazing as it is, the Force doesn’t make you wise or happy or prudent.  The Force makes you the person you are only amplified.  Its power tends to abet the extremes of a person’s personality.  And that was long a justification the old Jedi Order used to exert control over its knights.  It’s cliché, but it’s true.  Force users are agents of change and they can tend to be a locus of conflicts as a result.  Still, it is the unsophisticated rawness of Rey that appeals to Kylo.  Her pureness of heart despite her life of suffering. For all the Darkness that surrounded her on Jakku, nothing had managed to steal this girl’s Light.  Kylo needs Rey and her Light in his life.  For he is certain there can be no balance for him personally or for the Force without Rey.

 

Fuck.  It’s killing him that she’s gone.  How will he ever go on without her now?

 

He lost his cool.  He always does that. But surely Rey knows he doesn’t mean half of what he said.   She knows him better than that, right?  Well, he would have meant those things had he said them to anyone else.  Just not to Rey.  He loves Rey even if she lets him down. 

 

No doubt she’s on her way to Jakku again.  That junkyard wasteland world is as much a source of strength for Rey as it is a source of pain.   But he isn’t going chasing after her. If that’s why she pulled this stunt, Rey is going to be disappointed.  Kylo Ren can’t afford to be absent from his new government just as things begin.  There’s no way he will allow Hux to start running things on his own without being supervised.  Plus, he just slaughtered a conference room full of senior First Order members so he could consolidate his power.  Now, Kylo plans to follow through.  So, Rey will have to fend for herself for the time being.  She can cool off on hot Jakku.  Kylo tries to look on the bright side.  This way, Rey won’t be around to witness if he needs to execute a few more Hux cronies to clean up the ranks. 

 

And who knows?  Maybe Rey will reconsider and come back.  Could this be just a lovers’ spat?  Too much stress from too much work that had erupted in an argument?  Kylo isn’t sure.  He has as much experience with women as Rey has with men.  But it seems reasonable, he tells himself as he strides past the bridge to the elevator to head for the hangar bay.  Commander Canady has reappeared and now he is running to catch up.  Canady slips in as the elevator doors close.

 

“Keep your eyes and ears open, Commander,” Kylo instructs.  “There is dissension in the upper ranks and today’s peace accord may draw it out into the open.”

 

“Yes, Sir.  Hux?”

 

“Yes.  My second-in-command has aspirations.”

 

The older man nods thoughtfully.  “That’s long been rumored, Sir.”

 

“It’s true.   Hux will attempt to sabotage the new Senate and he will be slow to implement the peace deal.  He will want it to fail in order to stoke conflict and prove himself right.”  Kylo gives Canady a pointed look.  “Hux made it widely known that he opposes everything announced today.”

 

They exit the elevator into the hangar bay now, striding together towards his warmed-up shuttle.  There is a commotion up ahead and then shooting starts.  It gets everyone’s attention fast.

 

Of course, it’s Rey. 

 

Kylo stops in his tracks.  He stares at Rey in the cockpit of his red TIE Silencer frantically punching at the controls.  She looks up.  They lock eyes.  For a few seconds, everything stops.  Because Rey, please Rey, he thinks, don’t leave me now.  Please . . . don’t do this.  But it’s too late, she’s already committed as the ship lurches up.  Damn, Kylo was hoping she was already gone so he didn’t actually have to see this and make a choice. 

 

Because he could order those troopers to stand down.  He could freeze their shots.  He could flag her down and try to talk.  Or . . . he could order the ship immediately locked in the _Finalizer_ ’s tractor beam, making it impossible for Rey to jump to lightspeed.  Hell, he could order her shot down.  He could light his sword and hurl it to slice off the TIE’s wing right here and now.  Or maybe . . . he could hurl his sword through the cockpit as punishment for his broken heart.  Oh, the decisions and the Dark temptations.  For it is his nature to dominate and to control.  To seek revenge when he is hurt.  To lash out when he is rejected.  For a long, heart wrenching moment, within this Chosen One powerful Darkness wars with powerful Light.   

 

That hesitation is all it takes.  Rey guns for the airlock as his own ship races over his head.  Kylo stands there watching her leave.

 

At his side, Canady speaks up.  “That was your ship, Sir, right?”

 

Kylo nods absently.  He’s squinting into the black of space to see if Rey has made her jump.  Yes, she has.  That was fast.  “That’s the second time she’s stolen my ship,” he gripes.

 

“She, Sir?”  Canady is fishing.

 

Kylo does not disappoint.  “That’s Rey.  She’s my girl.  Or she was.”

 

“Ah, yes, the Jedi, right?”  Canady says this without any trace of irony or judgment, which is quite a feat.  “Shall we scramble fighters, Sir?”

 

Kylo shakes his head.  “Don’t bother.  It’s too late and she would shoot them all down.  My girl is lethal in a dogfight, Commander.”  And that accidentally came out kind of proud.   Flustered and embarrassed for oversharing, Kylo moves on.  “Let’s get to the _Supremacy_.  Have someone call Kuat and get me a new ship.  Tell them black this time.”  He’s had enough of Rey teasing him about his TIE Tomato.

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

As they march up the ramp into his command shuttle, Kylo wonders aloud, “Canady, have you got a wife?”

 

“Yes, Sir.  Back on Sullust, Sir.”

 

“Do you like her?”

 

The man pauses before he answers. “We’ve been married almost thirty-five years now.”

 

“I asked if you liked her,” Kylo gets to the point.

 

“Most of the time, yes.  Not always.  But I do love her, Sir.”

 

“I think I hate women,” Kylo decides. 

 

As soon as his command shuttle lifts off, Kylo summons Hux to meet him on the _Supremacy_.  Kylo plans to lay his cards on the table now about the fate of Hux’s cronies.  Hux needs to know who he’s dealing with.  And that gives Kylo the idea to have the general meet him in Snoke’s throne room.  After all, it’s his throne room now. 

 

It’s a short trip to Snoke’s ship parked in orbit alongside the _Finalizer_.  When they arrive, Kylo sends Canady to the bridge and then he marches off alone.  Kylo wants no witnesses for this conversation in case it goes badly and he has to kill Hux and more of his hangers on.  But when Kylo marches up to the elevator that will take him to the throne room, he is surprised to find General Hux there waiting for him alone.  The general rarely goes anywhere without an entourage.  On today of all days, when General Hux is the man of the hour, Kylo would have expected him to have several toadies around.  Kylo didn’t kill all of them in the conference room.  Just the influential ones.  But perhaps word has already gotten around and the others know to make themselves scarce. 

 

“Supreme Leader.” As usual, Hux says this greeting in an almost mocking way. 

 

Kylo’s response is clipped.  “General.”

 

“Did you take care of the girl Rey?”

 

“Yes,” Kylo answers. “She is gone.”  Rey’s leaving him has one advantage, at least:  it makes for an easy lie to Hux. 

 

“Good.”

 

Kylo changes the topic now.  Enough about her.  “The speech went well.”  That’s as close as Kylo can get to complimenting Hux.  He can’t bring himself to say more.

 

Beside him the General smirks.  It is very irritating.  After what happened with Rey, Kylo is definitely not in the mood for Hux.

 

The elevator door opens to the throne room now and the two men walk forward.  Kylo looks around a moment, remembering the last time he was in this space.  There is no evidence of the fierce battle that he and Rey waged against Snoke’s guards.  The room has been completely cleaned up.  Someone even hung new ostentatious red curtains, Kylo sees.  Like the rest of the _Supremacy_ , the throne room has been restored to its usual splendor.  Snoke’s ship is as much a monument to avarice as it is to power.  His Master had unabashedly embraced indulgence, at times chiding his more austere Apprentice for his Jedi-like restraint.  Gleeful old Snoke pleased himself in all ways.   Only he could wear a glittering, golden bathrobe with such aplomb that no one dared poke fun.  

 

Hux must see his focus on the red curtains, for he announces proudly.  “As you can see, everything is as it should be again, Supreme Leader.”

 

Kylo turns to shoot Hux a look.  “I hate this room,” he snaps.  It’s true.  Just looking at this place reminds him of Rey standing here crying as she turned down his first offer to rule the galaxy.  And that reminds him of Rey walking out on him half an hour ago.  It barely seems possible, but it puts him in an even worse mood.  But at least he has Hux to take it out on.  

 

“I wasn’t talking to you, Ren,” Hux sniffs. 

 

That prompts Kylo to shoot the annoying general another look of rebuke.  But Hux isn’t looking at him.  He’s looking towards the far wall of the room.  Towards the throne.  Kylo follows Hux’s eyes and—

 

Oh.  Kylo’s first reaction is surprise.  He blinks a moment to digest what he sees.  And then, his reaction morphs to utter frustration.  Because no!  Hell no!  Not now!   He does not need this right now!  And on today of all days . . .

 

“Welcome, Apprentice.  I have been expecting you.”

 

Kylo stares at his old Master seated on his throne.  Snoke has the same pink gargoyle face and he is lounging to the right side like he always does to compensate for his twisted spine.  If Snoke has any consequences from being sliced in half, they don’t show.  Although he is wearing his customary long robes with long sleeves that could mask his injuries.  

 

“Surprised?” old Snoke goads him.  “Surely not.  For I told you myself.  I cannot be betrayed.  I cannot be beaten.”  The Dark Master chuckles as a slow smile spreads across his damaged features.  “Do I disappoint you, Kylo Ren?” he asks, his tone thick with sarcasm.

 

Kylo stalks forward and his sword leaps into his hand to ignite. “You’re dead!” he bellows at the apparition.  But as he says the words, he knows they are untrue.  It is as Kylo has feared all along.  It had been way too easy to kill his Master.  So, of course, it had all been too good to be true.  

 

Snoke looks amused by his reaction.  He shakes his head.  “Not dead.  Not ever dead.  It was a valiant effort.  I will grant you that.” His Master now waves a clawed hand that Kylo had last seen severed on the floor.  It is a dismissive gesture.  “Put away your weapon.  I mean you no harm.”

 

Kylo does not know what to make of that statement.  He does not know what to make of any of this.  But he’s not about to turn off his sword.  “I killed you myself!” Kylo crows.  “Go back to the Force, old man!”  First Luke Skywalker trolls him and now Snoke too is haunting him.  Kylo Ren might have killed his past but it stubbornly refuses to die.  

 

“Oh, I am no ghost,” Snoke purrs.  “I am very much alive even if I am not with you now.  Skywalker is not the only one who can project in the Force.  I’ve been doing it for decades.  The Jedi was a novice who killed himself on his first attempt.” Snoke is disdainful now.  “I would have expected better of a Skywalker.  But that’s the consequence of cutting one’s self off from the Force for years in exile.  The Jedi’s power was diminished and his skills were rusty.  As always, Skywalker is a disappointment to me.” 

 

“You’re a projection,” Kylo realizes aloud stupidly. 

 

“For now, yes.  But soon I will be corporeal again thanks to the good general here.  And you wondered why I keep him in such a place of power.  Now, you know.”  Again, his old Master chides him, “Put away your sword.  You can’t kill me and I forbid you to kill him.  Young Hux is very useful to keep around.”  Snoke now bestows a sly, approving smile on General Hux.  “There’s nothing he won’t do.  From firing the Starkiller to collecting my old carcass.  Did you not wonder why he lived after his failure with the weapon?”

 

Kylo stands there stone faced, his mind racing.  In front of him is his oddly pleased looking resurrected Master and beside him is his smug and gloating rival Hux.  This is a moment of revelation.  For now, Kylo understands the voice in his head and the images in Rey’s dreams.  He understands Hux’s insolent attitude and why the general had so easily agreed to announce the peace deal he opposed.   All along, Hux had known that Kylo’s leadership would not last.  There had never been any risk to the general to play along.  No doubt Hux has been feeding Snoke information the whole time.  And, in the end, the general will survive and the usurper Apprentice will die.

 

Suddenly, Kylo couldn’t be more glad that Rey is gone.  He wouldn’t want her here to fall into Snoke’s clutches.   Godspeed, Rebel Rey, Kylo thinks with a wry twist to his mouth.  For the Force works in mysterious ways that are not always apparent at first.  But despite that ugly scene and his heartbreak, the Force had been with Rey today.  Kylo sees that now.

 

But how??  How is this happening?  Kylo hotly demands an explanation from his Master. “How do you do this?”

 

As usual, old Snoke thoroughly enjoys having the upper hand.  He enjoys a slow telling as much as he does a slow killing. “Think back to your earliest teaching.  All things are possible in the Force.”   Bizarrely, Snoke is back in pedagogue mode. His decrepit Master has long loved to teach.   He will teach even a doomed Apprentice, it seems. 

 

“To cheat death is a power only I have achieved.   Through the Force, I can create life, I can extend life, and I can resurrect life.”  Snoke launches to his feet now to step down his throne.  “Apprentice, I am a god of the Force.   And a wrathful god at that,” he adds, raising his clawed hands to shoot powerful Force lightning that lands Kylo on the floor with his lightsaber flying.  “I said turn off your sword,” Snoke’s projection roars.  “Twice!”   He looms over Kylo and again casts lightning.  And he’s not pulling his punches.  That lightning is full strength and designed to make a point to his disobedient Apprentice writhing on the ground.  Even Hux looks disturbed. 

 

But it is over as quickly as it began.  Snoke now turns to Hux.  “You are dismissed, General.  My Apprentice and I have a great many things to discuss.”

 

Ever the oily suck up, Armitage Hux snaps to rigid attention.  “As you wish, Supreme Leader.”

 

Snoke favors his redheaded pet with an indulgent, black toothed smile. “Take my shuttle,” he instructs.  “And remember, General, do my bidding but do no harm.  My prize is not to be damaged.  Neither of them may suffer harm.”

 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

 

Hux departs as Kylo pulls himself off the floor.  He calls his saber back to his hand and replaces it at his waist.  There is no point in fighting a Force projection who can shoot lightning.  Kylo isn’t certain what is coming next, but none of this portends well.  In the Sith tradition of Darkness, the Apprentice either kills his Master and ascends, or he dies trying.  You don’t get to live after a failed attempt.  And so, Kylo watches solemnly as his Master climbs back up to his high throne, awkwardly settling into his chair just as if he were physically present again. 

 

At least he got to tell Rey that he loves her, Kylo thinks.  And Rey had told him that she loves him back.  It ended badly, but in the circumstances, that was for the best.  It’s something at least.  There will be one person to think of Kylo Ren fondly when he’s gone.  The galaxy will remember him as the ruthless Dark Side First Order warrior who ruled for a few months and boldly tried to make peace.  But one woman will remember the man behind the mask.  Rey will remember the Skywalker prince who loved an orphan scavenger girl and taught her the Force with his grandfather’s holochrons.

 

As the elevator door closes on Hux, Snoke silently considers his wayward Apprentice.  Kylo fights the urge to squirm as the seconds tick on and on.  Whatever happens, he will take it like a man.  Finally, Snoke leans forward in his chair to pronounce his judgement.  He is wickedly pleased.

 

“I knew you would turn out well.  When you offered to teach the girl even as you were swinging a saber at her, I knew you were ready to complete your training.  I knew that she would be the tool to goad you into it.  Yes,” his Master muses with satisfaction, “It was time for the final step.  It is a time-honored tradition for the Apprentice to kill the Master.  To rise up and supplant him.”  

 

Kylo is confused.  Why does Snoke seem so happy about this?  “But you’re not dead,” he states the obvious.  

 

“No. I am very much alive,” Snoke crows.  “You are not the first to try to kill me.  You will not be the last.  Now come.”  He beckons Kylo forward.  “Kneel before your Master and address me with the respect that is my due.  I will forgive your trespasses, Apprentice, as you forgive mine.  And that is especially fitting today, is it not?  For did you not declare this a day of peace and reconciliation, Supreme Leader Ren?”

 

Kylo is at a loss to understand what game his Master is playing.  But given the option of kneeling in obeisance or more lighting, Kylo takes a knee.  He’s going to regret this, he thinks.  But what choice does he have?

 

* * *

 

 

When Rey lands on Jakku, she finds an interloper living in her AT-AT.  That’s not surprising, for Rey has been away a few months now.  But she is back and ready to reclaim her home.  It has her marks on the wall and her homemade moisture vaporator.  It was furnished and cared for by her own hands.  It is hers.  The new scavenger who is squatting in it is a man Rey recognizes but does not know.  They reach an accord when Rey stops talking and pulls a gun.  The man glares repeatedly at her as he removes his meager possessions and retreats.  But, all in all, the dispute is resolved peacefully and everyone gets their stuff back.

 

Well, what’s left of her stuff.  Looking around, Rey sees that her hidden water stores are gone. So are her hot plate and her small stash of extra portions she had saved up.  The power sticks she uses to juice her flight simulator are gone too, as is the reconditioned Imperial era datapad she had rigged up to get on the holonet.  There is no sign of her patchwork speeder bike either.  As she pokes around noticing empty spaces and missing items, Rey loses count of all of her lost possessions.  This is the way of Jakku:  hold fast to what you own or it’s gone.  For on this wasteland world, there is nothing new.  Everything is repurposed or reused once it changes hands.  And possession is nine-tenths of the law, maybe more, on outlaw Jakku.

 

Looking around at her ransacked home that lacks running water and power, Rey sort of deflates.  What was she thinking coming back here yet again?  She’s sweating in her thick First Order uniform and sandy head to toe.  She already wants a shower but in the desert that wish is futile.  Rey returned here mostly out of habit because this is a world she knows where she can disappear.  No one cares about galactic politics on Jakku and neither the Republic, the Resistance, nor the First Order has a presence here.  She’ll be just one more shady character at the Niima Outpost who doesn’t want to talk about the past. 

 

Looking around at the mess, she sighs.  This is not a happy homecoming.  There’s nothing here for Rey now that the promise of her family returning is gone.  If anything, Jakku is more bleak than before.  The lack of creature comforts and subsistence life she can get used to.  It’s the other things that will be harder now.  For Rey suspects that the loneliness that plagued her will be worse now that she has known love.   And the magical Force that so captivated her will be something she has to figure out for herself.   Plus, she has enemies now.  Powerful enemies who are not rival scavengers looking to jump her find.  These are enemies who know her past with the Resistance and with the First Order.  Enemies who might consider her to be an existential threat.  For Rey knows an awful lot of secrets that could compromise Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

 

And that thought causes Rey to look over at Ben’s flashy red ship.  She can’t sell it intact. No one will buy a stolen First Order TIE, least of all this one.  But she can probably fence the hyperdrive and the weapons systems to smugglers here on Jakku.  That will give her some cash to start a new life someplace else.  Taking a long look back over her shoulder at the neat lines of scratch marks on the wall, Rey decides that she won’t be making any more marks.  She’ll be here on Jakku for just a few days to chop up the valuable parts on Ben’s ship and then she’s moving on.   She’ll forge some ID paperwork and start a new life under a new name someplace new.

 

As she is formulating this plan, Rey hears the whine of ion engines overhead close.  She ducks out of the AT-AT to shield her eyes with her hand and look up.  She sees a familiar ship that makes her heart skip a beat.  Rey watches without enthusiasm as the black First Order command shuttle settles nearby onto the sand.

 

It’s Ben.  He followed her.   Did he guess where she was headed or did he use the Order’s hyperspace tracking to find his stolen ship?   Whatever.  It doesn’t matter now.  He’s here.  Not half an hour after Rey arrived on Jakku, Ben has caught up to her. 

 

Rey swallows hard. 

 

It’s an almost two-day trip from Coruscant to Jakku.  Has that been sufficient time for Ben to simmer down?  Or will he be angry still?  Rey isn’t shocked and angry any more.  She just feels disappointed and sad.  Thanks to her and Ben, the galaxy might be making significant strides towards peace, but fashioning those reforms had cost them their chance at happiness.  Rey had lived with Ben almost three months and those were the most intense weeks of her life. Her days spent first learning the Force and then attempting to end a war. Her nights spent in the rapture of his kiss and the comfort of his arms.  They were two loners who found solace together over the hope for a better future and the Force, but the differences between them could not be ignored.  If she goes back to Ben to try again, will anything be any different this time around?  Rey doesn’t see any reason why it would. 

 

The shuttle ramp lowers and a squad of stormtroopers march out first.

 

Yep, he’s still mad, Rey thinks. 

 

She sighs and pulls her sword to light it.  Maybe she can be persuaded to go back willingly if Ben is sufficiently contrite.  But she’ll be damned if she will be summoned back to the First Order by force. 

 

The stormtroopers flank the ramp and aim their weapons directly at her.  Are they set to stun?  Rey isn’t sure.  She feels her adrenaline kick in and her senses focus as she prepares for a fight, verbal or otherwise.  Long seconds tick by before she sees shiny black boots appear as a man disembarks.  But as the figure emerges down the ramp to come into view, it’s not Ben.  It’s General Hux.

 

He sent Hux to fetch her?  Really??  Maybe she should be flattered since Hux is the second-in-command, but Rey is instantly miffed that Ben has delegated this task.  Because once you sleep with a guy, it seems appropriate to get to speak to him directly and not to his henchman assistant you don’t like.  Irked, Rey plants her feet and hollers in her best gruff Jakku scavenger voice, “What do you want?” 

 

“The Supreme Leader sent me,” the general smirks.  “Come quietly,” he calls to Rey.  “You will not be harmed.”

 

Rey just twirls her sword and pops out her hip to double down on her aggressive stance.  If Ben thinks she’s going to come quietly with Hux, he has badly misjudged.  After all, she drew her sword on this guy in a _Finalizer_ conference room standoff once.  “I’m not going with you,” Rey shakes her head.  It’s not just that she doesn’t trust this guy.  It’s also because Rey has a bad feeling about this.  It’s the same bad feeling she had on the morning of her fight with Ben two days ago.  Long ago, Rey learned to listen to her gut.   She always gets in trouble when she doesn’t. 

 

The general nods as if he’s expecting her response.  “The Leader said that would be your attitude,” he sniffs.   Hux turns around and motions up the shuttle ramp to someone inside.  Two more troopers appear and they are dragging a handcuffed female prisoner between them.  It’s General Leia Organa of the Resistance. 

 

What the Hell?  “Why is she in custody?” Rey demands hotly.  “You yourself were the one to announce her pardon two days ago!”

 

The very annoyed looking New Republic matriarch speaks up tartly, “If this is a pardon, I’d hate to see an execution.”

 

“I can arrange that!” Hux sneers back.  He nods to the troopers holding Ben’s mother and one raises his gun to her temple as Hux looks to Rey.  “Well?   Are you coming or not?”

 

Something is wrong here.  Ben would never have approved this.  Wait--would he?  After the slaughter in the conference room, suddenly Rey is not so sure.  But even if Ben were to approve his mother’s death, Rey feels certain he would do it himself.   Ben would never send Hux of all people for this sort of personal dirty work.   Rey stares into silent Leia Organa’s face.  She looks unperturbed and coolly defiant, every inch Lord Vader’s daughter in the moment.  And that sort of emboldens Rey too.

 

“No,” Rey shakes her head slowly.  “Kylo Ren never approved this.   You’re bluffing.  You won’t kill her because then he will kill you.  He’d love an excuse to kill you, General.”

 

“Ren can’t kill me.  He lost his chance,” Hux smugly informs her. “I am here at the behest of Supreme Leader Snoke, not that pretender Kylo Ren.”   Hux lets that bad news sink in a moment.  Suddenly, Rey is sweating and it’s not from the desert sun.  Ben had feared that Snoke would resurface all along and he was right.  The redheaded general crosses his arms as he reasons aloud, “Are you really foolish enough to think that Snoke will have a problem with my killing Leia Organa?   She is the enemy general of a lost cause.  She should have died at Crait.”

 

Thinking back to the confrontation in the _Supremacy_ throne room, Rey thinks there is nothing Snoke won’t do.  Killing pardoned Leia Organa probably wouldn’t even register for any deliberation, Rey realizes glumly as her heart sinks.  And just how is she going to get out of this situation now?  Pushing down her panic, Rey stalls for time.   “What does Snoke want with me?” she calls.

 

“Do you even have to ask?” Hux complains.  “You and your co-conspirator Ren have a reckoning with the Supreme Leader for your crimes.  For your attempt at murder, for usurping the First Order, and for hijacking our cause for your treasonous peace deal.”  Hux must read the dismay on her face because he piles on now.  “When I left, Snoke had Ren cornered in his throne room shooting lightning at him.  I suppose your turn is next, Jedi.”

 

Oh, poor Ben.  Is he even alive now, Rey wonders.  What will Snoke do to him?  And . . . what will Snoke do to her?  Well, Rey of Jakku is no one’s fool.  She challenges, “Why should I go quietly so Snoke can torture me too?”

 

Hux doesn’t answer.  Instead, he speaks into a comlink.  The shuttle’s guns deploy and rotate to target Ben’s red TIE parked nearby.  They obliterate it with two well placed shots.  Rey winces as she watches. There goes her chance at escape and the parts she was planning to sell to finance a new life someplace else.  While Rey frowns at the flaming wreckage, the shuttle’s guns swerve to target her. 

 

“There is no escape,” Hux gloats.  “If you die now, you take the general here with you.  But if you come quietly, Leia Organa lives.  That’s the deal.”

 

“You said I wouldn’t be harmed,” Rey reminds him.

 

“Not by me. But I cannot vouch for Snoke.  You and Ren played a dangerous game and you lost.”

 

Yes, she knows.  Rey is torn now as she meets Leia Organa’s golden brown eyes.  Rey realizes for the first time that this woman’s eyes are just like her son’s.  In fact, Rey has seen this same sullen hauteur on Ben’s face too.  Ben wouldn’t want his mother to die with a blaster shot to the head in the desert, Rey thinks.  Who knows if General Hux will honor the deal he’s offering, but at least his words ring true in the Force.  And if she goes with Hux, Rey thinks, at least there is the chance that Leia Organa will live.  That’s some consolation, at least.  Although Rey can’t shake the worry that in the end she and the Resistance general will end up side by side on their knees before Ben for execution.   That their deaths will be the way for Kylo Ren, the rebellious Dark Apprentice, to prove his regained loyalty to Snoke.

 

With that heavy sense of foreboding, Rey extinguishes her sword.  She nods.  “Alright.  I’ll come.”  She’s going to regret this, Rey fears as she marches voluntarily towards Hux. But she doesn't see a better choice right now.

 

END OF PART TWO

 

More to come as and when I dream it up.  Some sassy Leia Organa, enigmatic Snoke playing the long game, and our lovers separated again.  Story notes to come soon.


	29. Chapter 29 Story Notes to Parts One and Two

Ah, Reylo, I can’t quit you!  I swore to myself that I wouldn’t write a new Reylo fic until I finished my half-done fic _Darker_.  I told myself that I would take my time and think a good Reylo story through.  Yeah, that didn’t work out.  Days after I saw TLJ, I began banging this story out with only a vague sense of where it was headed and why.  It was typical me.

 

I recently heard Strauss’ opera _Elektra_ twice (Christine Goerke was singing and she is my husband’s opera crush).   Anyhow, Strauss has never been my thing.  I hear it and always have the same two reactions:  1) that was nice, but it would have been better if Wagner wrote it and 2) that orchestration could use some editing.  I sort of feel that way about my fics.  There are other authors who could write this so much better.  And I could definitely use more editing   Editing just requires a lot of time and patience that I lack. If I had the discipline to write the whole story and then go back and pare it down, my stuff would be much more concise and elegant.  Instead, I write the Strauss version of Reylo fics.  Overblown and grandiose melodrama.  Sorry about that.  I was at a dinner party recently with Christine Goerke and she made the comment that ‘I sing characters, not plots.’  I think that’s a fair summation of how I write.  I write characters—their motivations and conflicts—and the plot sort of follows from there.

 

I have written a LOT of Reylo.  Each time, many of the details, the background history and motivations, and the secondary characters are the same.  But the lovers are not.  The circumstances of the Reylo relationship and aspects of the characters are changed.   It’s sort of different versions of the same tale, if you will.  The plots have similarities and differences too.  Well, TLJ elaborated a great deal on Reylo and it caused me to rethink a few things I have written in the past.  I was instantly ready to write some more!  I can be impulsive like that.

 

Kylo Ren

 

I always saw Kylo being much Darker than many fans did after TFA.  TLJ shows us a Kylo who starts Dark (but conflicted, as always) and ends Darker.  I think that surprised a lot of fans.  I have my own issues with TLJ, but I have to say that I called this one in advance. JJ Abrams had a quote years ago about us seeing the rise of a great villain in this trilogy and so I knew Kylo would grow in power and status in TLJ.  It heightens the stakes and the consequences if he has a redemption arc.  It also makes sense because Kylo has presumably already turned down attempts from Luke, Leia, and Han Solo to come back to the Light.  Naturally, Kylo would spurn the attempt by Rey—an intriguing woman and would-be rival who he barely knows.

 

So . . . after seeing TLJ, what did I get right about the character of Kylo in my fics?  How truly dark he is.  Conflicted, yes.  But dark, calculating, and ambitious.  A lot of people grumbled that Kylo was a loser wannabe Vader in TFA.  Well, in TLJ we see that Kylo Ren is the real deal.  A master killing, galaxy conquering Dark Skywalker if there ever was one.  All hail angry, sad Darth Ren!  My weary, depressed Kylo of _His Padawan_ still kind of works.  The driven zealot Kylo of _Ghosts of the Past_ still works.  So does the clever, rebellious Kylo of _Immune to the Light_.  I can even see Kylo evolving into the truly harsh, violent psychopath of _Fulcrum_ given enough time.  And, I called it in _Ghosts of the Past_ that Kylo would offer Rey the chance to join him and rule the galaxy.  And . . . spoiler alert! . . . that Rey would turn him down.

 

What did I get wrong? Kylo is far lonelier and more damaged than I envisioned. He has a hurt puppy look to him when Snoke makes him take off his mask. This is not the swaggering, sarcastic Kylo of _Fulcrum_ who has lots of experience with sex but no experience with love.  This is not a man who is angling to get Rey in bed.  More than anything, this Kylo wants a friend who he can care about.  And that’s why things progress very slowly between my lovers in this fic.  Welcome to Kylo the virgin who is as inexperienced in love and sex as Rey.  In this too, they are equals.  Is this a big deal?   I don’t think so.  Everyone has to start somewhere and the measure of a man is not his expertise in bed.  Plus, I kind of like the idea that our lovers are chaste unto one another. 

 

In some ways, I like writing Kylo as a man less motivated by sex.  Darth Malgus of Darker is something like this.  Malgus is about fifteen years Kylo’s senior and he’s had his share of women and has sort of moved beyond that sort of thing.  Malgus is far more interested in power than sex at this stage in his life.   Kylo is a bit like that too.  He hasn’t had many opportunities with women and he hasn’t bothered to seek them out. And then Rey comes along unexpectedly and changes everything.

 

What else did I get wrong?  Kylo Ren is not funny.  He can be snippy and sarcastic, but he’s not quick with the one-liners like my versions of Kylo have been in the past.  Kylo of TLJ is just too intense for that.  He also lacks the bravado and the people skills to be truly humorous.  Instead, Snoke is the droll figure in TLJ.  I can absolutely see old Snoke spouting quips from his throne at hapless Hux and other underlings.  I see Kylo as the earnest, striving bad guy in TLJ and Snoke as the sophisticated, worldly wise bad guy. 

 

I also wrote this Kylo as a man who feels driven to what he’s become.  He’s not proud of everything he’s done and he might have done a few things differently in retrospect.  But that doesn’t mean Kylo hates who he is or what he has done. I’ll be honest—I never saw TLJ to show Kylo Ren having a crisis of conscience.  I never saw a moment in the throne room scene or the elevator scene when Kylo was ever tempted to turn to the Light.  I saw a man who was intrigued and surprised by Rey’s vehement overture (remember, it’s not been too long since she was shooting at him in their first Force Time chat).  He saw an opportunity and he took it.  And that opportunity was for freedom from Snoke, for power as Supreme Leader, and for love with the mysterious and intriguing Rey.   My Kylo doesn’t see turning to the Light as a permanent solution.  If anything, it might cause more problems down the line.  Because yet again, Kylo would be trying to be something he’s not.  Remember—Ben Solo already tried and failed as a Jedi, and he’s not looking to go back.  He’s a Chosen One destined to be grey. 

 

And that brings me to the story theme motivated by TLJ:  figuring out who you are supposed to be and who you want to be.  Part One shows Rey lost and confused while Kylo keeps making his case.  In the end of Part One, Rey chooses a future with Kylo and leaves the Resistance.  Part Two shows Rey trying to follow Kylo’s lead and letting him maneuver her into things even as she questions them.  She commits her heart to Kylo, but she can’t quite commit her loyalty to his cause.  But she tries.  When she sees firsthand the violence she normally glosses over, Rey has a crisis of conscience and leaves. 

 

Kylo spends the beginning of the story sort of floundering too.  Committed to his ideas but uncertain if he can achieve his goals.  He’s looking to Rey for help.  As their personal relationship deepens and Rey is enlisted to his cause, it gives Kylo more confidence to assert himself as Supreme Leader.   He starts taking charge in a big way, even doing things that will shock and anger his base of support.  In short, Kylo has a big impact on Rey, opening her eyes to all the ways in which the Dark versus Light conflict is a cycle they need to break out of for the sake of everyone.  In return, Rey has a big impact on Kylo as his voice of conscience and an advocate for peace.  They each push each other out of their comfort zone ideologically even as they become each other’s comfort zone physically and emotionally. 

 

I have always been interested in the tipping point when a character switches sides.  In SW, when a character—especially a Force-user—switches sides, there is major fallout.  What’s fun about writing this fic is that Kylo keeps trying to argue that there are no sides anymore.  Kylo lives in a post-modern, post-moral worldview where God is dead and we have killed him.   The old Jedi and Sith dichotomy is gone.  There are no more allegiances that matter.  But where does that leave things?  Kylo and Rey keep stumbling blindly trying to find out. 

 

This Kylo is a romantic dreamer, like his character in _Ghosts of the Past_. He is also a big mama’s boy just like Anakin.  I am very sorry that Carrie Fisher has passed and will not be in Ep 9.  I would have loved to see an on-screen reunion of mother and son.

 

Mother-son drama will be a big part of this fic. That’s a bit of a departure for me since _Ghosts of the Past_ was all about father son conflicts.  Growing up, both my brothers had tense relationships with our dad and some of the father/son exchanges (esp the conversation between Hux Sr and Rey in _Ghosts_ Chapter 27 “Now there is a son to be proud of . . . the Sith know how to raise a real man”) could have come straight from my family. 

 

I am a mother to little boys, so I have long wanted to explore the Leia-Kylo dynamic.  I dabbled in this relationship in _Fulcrum_ (See Chapter 31 the aftermath of Kylo killing Leia when Kylo hits rock bottom) and in _Immune to the Light_ (See the rather ridiculous Skywalker throw down in which Snoke has to cajole Leia into saving her son that begins in Chapter 27).  Those attempts were rather cursory, with the estranged mother and son at loggerheads.  What I wrote was mostly a lot of anger and resentment.  It was a very one-dimensional portrayal of the relationship.

 

This story attempts to paint a much more nuanced view of the Kylo-Leia relationship.  Yes, Kylo is angry at his mother and they have very real political differences, but mostly this is a Kylo who feels rejected and hurt.  He loves his mother and wants his mother to be something she will never be:  approving, supportive, loving and accepting of him.  The broken relationship between Kylo and Leia is more a source of pain and sadness for Kylo than it is a source of anger.   For this Dark prince is sad.  All of the promotional material for TLJ hammered that home time and again.  Kylo is far less conflicted than he is sad in my opinion.  Almost resigned because—as mentioned earlier, Kylo is a man who feels driven to what he’s become.   Ironically, he hasn’t had many choices in his life through the years.  That’s why the decision to kill his Master is so meaningful.  It’s also why Kylo takes some time to hit his stride as Supreme Leader.  Kylo’s mommy issues keep rearing their head in the Kylo-Rey relationship.  They are about to become major now that Leia Organa is back in this fic at the end of Part Two.

 

For those of you who think that the estrangement between mother and son in this story is too harsh, I was motivated by TLJ scene between Luke and Leia.  At first, I was sort of surprised that in TLJ Leia tells Luke that she knows her son is gone.  It is a jarring moment for a woman who spends the whole movie talking about hope for a lost cause.  Leia has hope for everything it seems but her own flesh and blood.  It was at once a completely honest, realistic moment and also out of character.  I loved it.  Leia’s love is not unconditional, and I think that is both understandable and shocking too.  The whole “hate the crime, not the person” concept isn’t how Leia comes to see her son.  Having Luke agree with Leia is even more shocking since Luke found good in Darth Vader, but he too seems to think that Kylo is lost (or at least, unwilling yet to change).  Of course, the real problem is that the solution (turning to the Light) that everyone is posing to Kylo is not what he wants.  He has rejected that worldview.  Mark my words, in Episode 9 don’t be surprised if Kylo Ren redeems himself by finding a separate path.

 

There are the readers who seem to want a pining Kylo in a one-sided creepy, obsession with Rey.  Frankly, that doesn’t do Kylo’s character justice.   He is far more complicated than that, as shown beautifully in TLJ when he declines to kill his mother.   I write the Dark Side and I do so for a reason:  because all the hope and compassion talk of the Light is sanctimonious bullshit if the Light can’t have empathy for those in Darkness.  Readers who want to see a chiding, morally superior Rey who keeps rebuffing the undeserving Kylo will not like my writing.  Because I like to see the Light in Dark characters and the Dark in Light characters.   And, importantly, Kylo Ren doesn’t want to earn Rey’s love. 

 

Rey

 

After repeated viewings, there are a lot of things that I don’t like about TLJ.  But the thing that bothers me most is the character of Rey.  I feel like TLJ missed an opportunity to deepen and strengthen her character beyond being an idealistic Mary Sue.  And when desert dweller Rey falls into water and swims her way out without panicking, I was downright annoyed.  Can we please show Rey not instantly good at something??   TLJ focuses on Rey’s grief over her family, and who knows if Kylo is lying to her or not.  But I want Rey to have a motivation of her own other than just the past.  She is a rootless girl looking to fit in and yet she seems to have no social issues hanging with the Resistance crowd.  Where is the awkward loner who gets flustered when confronted with all that sexy Poe Dameron charm?  Where is the aftermath of that throne room scene when Rey questions what she did and why she did it?  We don’t see any of that.  Seriously, there is precious little introspection or doubt in Rey’s character.  We just see Rey swooping in piloting the Falcon and saving the day with the Force.  I get it—she’s a hero doing heroic deeds.  But she seems to very easily shrug off the disappointment and crisis of the confrontation with Kylo and Snoke.  At the end, she seems cool with Luke too even though we last saw her yelling and beating that old guy with a stick. 

 

That moment in particular—when Rey instantly turns on Luke and resorts to violence when she confronts him about Kylo—just screamed “plot device” to me for Rey’s character.   She goes from wanting answers to an attempted beat down of Luke fricking Skywalker in two seconds flat.  Really???  I get it that Rey has a Dark streak and that she’s from a violent world and Luke has really frustrated her with his lack of training.  But I found this fight out of character.  It struck me as a manufactured reason for Rey to leave Luke.  And, let’s face it, Kylo Ren is a grown man making his own decisions.  Luke might have set things in motion by his impulse to murder his nephew, but to say that he “created Kylo Ren” is a blame game that doesn’t focus the blame where it belongs:  on Kylo and Snoke.   Yes, Kylo is a victim in some respects.  But when Rey goes raging off to save him to pull a Luke Skywalker-Vader moment of her own, it felt forced.

 

Thank goodness it didn’t work.  That moment was the genius of TLJ for me:  it rehashed ROJ, subverting it by presenting a different, far more realistic outcome.  Rey helps to kill Snoke and then Kylo stays Dark.  Guess what??  One small spark of humanity in a Dark Sider isn’t enough to turn them to the Light.  Flabbergasted Rey doesn’t seem to see this coming (which again, seems at odds with her hard eyed, tough scavenger background on Jakku).  What do you do when the Light comes to save the Dark and the Dark refuses?  What do you do when your story trope fails??  Keep in mind that Kylo was confronted before by Han Solo while Rey watched.  Even Luke warns her not to go.  So why is she so shocked when her salvation plot fails?   Did she not appreciate the risks she faced?  Again, that seems out of character.  For Rey of Jakku is a girl who lived facing down risks again and again.  She might be idealistic, but she’s not foolish.  Should would never have survived on her own if that were the case.

 

Rey wants so desperately to be a hero.  That’s a great trait in her character.  But TLJ seems to fault Poe Dameron for that again and again.  He wants to be a hero and take risks for his cause and that’s sort of a bad thing.  But Rey wants to be a hero and take risks and that is good??  Look, I’m a woman.  I know a thing or two about gender drama and the uphill battle women can face.  But even I couldn’t stomach the in-your-face gender dynamics of TLJ.  If the old Empire was faulted for being all men, then how do we end up with a Resistance that looks like everyone in leadership other than old Ackbar is a woman?  And chiding, nagging mother figures at that.  I could totally have done without Admiral Holdo and her ‘do as I say and don’t ask questions’ failed leadership.  Yes, she went out with a bang (thank you Lucasfilm for killing that character off!) but she seemed to cause more problems than she solved.  Newsflash women of the world:  Admiral Holdo’s righteous, combative, name-calling style of leadership is not something to emulate.   Men don’t like that and that will make you less effective.  Honestly, I didn’t mind that Holdo wore an Oscar gown to fight the First Order while everyone else was in uniform (and poor cute as a button Rose was wearing some ugly sack of a jumpsuit).  I’m all for women in power looking feminine, and hats off to Rian Johnson for that.  But I draw the line at the crazy halo thing on her head.   I mean, I get it.  She and Leia Organa were playing dress up when the evacuation hit.  But did no one tell the costume designers that Laura Dern is not the princess in the movie?  She’s a beautiful woman, but let’s face it, at age fifty or whatever she is, you are not the tiara wearing ingénue any more.  Sigh, I won’t turn this into a TLJ movie review, but lots of little things like this bothered me even if the majority of the visuals were amazing to watch (Crait with red dust and crystal foxes . . .  OMG, loved it!).

 

As with all of my stories, I get messages and comments complaining that I have gutted Rey’s character, made her subservient, etc.  A lot of readers seem to want Rey to be some sort of Superwoman, ready to fight all the time.  She’s the moral hard ass and physical badass in every situation.  Well, that’s a very juvenile way to view female strength in my opinion.   And that makes Rey a complete mismatch to Kylo in an emotional sense.  He’s a Dark Sider and they are not big on empathy, so Kylo needs to recognize something of himself or someone he cares about in Rey.  In this case, he sees a version of his own experience and a version of his beloved mother in Rey.   He is drawn to her for their similarities, and not their differences. 

 

This is key for me.  Ultimately, lasting relationships are based on commonalities.  At some point, Kylo and Rey need to find something in common other than the Force.  They need to stop arguing about galactic politics and have a common goal.  Persistent opposition would ultimately prevent a Reylo relationship, in my opinion.  Still, Part One of this fic has plenty of tedious, repetitive bickering.  Did you think that was the same old thing again and again?  Well, that’s how people discuss politics.  You say that, I say this, in response ad nauseum.  That’s the real world.  It’s why political discussions often devolve into people shouting at one another or in progressively ugly Facebook comment streams.  Rey and Kylo are no different.  But we move past most of that by Part Two when Rey is at least on board to try to help Kylo.

 

Where is Rey emotionally at the end of TLJ?  She’s confused and disappointed by Kylo.  She’s disappointed and a bit resentful about Luke.  And she’s got this inconvenient Force bond thing going on.  I understand the Force bond plot device is a fan favorite.  It’s not my thing and so I mostly have avoided it in my other stories.  But now it’s canon, so it’s a thing.  Yes, the Force bond will be back in Part Three.  The goal of the bond is to get the lovers together, so it will reassert itself when they are separated. 

 

All hail Darth Plagueis!  Snoke is back and I’m sure it’s no surprise to readers who have read my other Reylo stories.  Who knows what Disney will do for the official story, but there could be no better lead up to introducing old Hego Damask himself than by literally killing him off and having him reappear.  Readers of my other fics will know that I adore Snoke (I even wrote Snoke a backstory _The Fifth Wife_ , that’s how much I love Snoke.  He is a close second to my bae Darth Vader).  I loved Snoke even more after TLJ.  His red throne room, his fancy duds, his cutting sarcasm and Dark Side joie de vivre combined with his penchant for lightning—I mean, is this man a fun SW villain or what?   Two lines that slayed me:  “How’s your wound?” spoken to Kylo before giving him a dressing down and “Such spunk!” which makes me swear that Snoke likes Rey.   Anyhow, if Snoke is just Snoke, I will be disappointed that there wasn’t more of a connection to the past.  Heck, the whole First Order is murky enough as it is.  Shouldn’t someone’s past and motivations be clear?   Why do we even need the past to die if we don’t know what the past is???

 

I have written the Kylo-Snoke relationship different ways.  Always, they are some version of father and son.  Sometimes they get along, sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes Kylo kills Snoke, sometimes Snoke dies and Kylo grieves, sometimes Kylo tries to kill Snoke and fails and gets stuck living with angry Snoke.  Not sure yet how this version will turn out.   Snoke, like Kylo, is a complicated guy.  So if you have the simplistic ‘Kylo killed his abuser Snoke’ narrative in your head, this is your chance to bow out.  Because the current popular penchant for shorthand labeling people and characters using big words with big connotations (rascist, sexist, abuser, whatever) is not my thing.  I am old enough to see life and people as far more complicated than that.  Life is rarely so simple.  If there is a message to takeaway from Luke Skywalker’s angsty exile, it’s that the black-and-white Jedi view ended up letting everyone down in the end.    

 

More importantly, do not rob Kylo Ren of his own agency by setting him up as the poor lost boy Snoke used.  Yes, that is one aspect of the character dynamic, but it’s not the whole story.  And that takes me back to a point from earlier:  Kylo Ren is who he wants to be.  We saw that indubitably when he turned down Rey’s overture to come to the Light.  He had his chance at redemption.  TFA showed Han offering a path back to the Light, TLJ shows us Rey doing the same.  I have no idea if Kylo Ren is destined for redemption (probably, this is Disney, after all), but I give it a fifty-fifty chance.  But perhaps the third time will be the charm, eh? 

 

There will be more to come in this story once I think a bit.  I am writing this on the fly the way I wrote _Ghosts of the Past_.  That story was supposed to end very differently but it evolved as I wrote and ended up completely different.  I’m doing this same this time around.  Hopefully, it will end up somewhere good.  I do, on rare occasions, write happy endings!  We’ll see . . .   Thanks for reading! 

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

As requested, wary Kylo Ren makes his obeisance to his Master.  This posture of submission is nothing he hasn’t done many times before, but today it grates on him.  Snoke knows it too.  He keeps him there on his knee longer than usual.  His Master is making a point.  Finally, he bids him, “Arise, Apprentice.  We have much to discuss.”

 

Still uncertain where any of this is heading, Kylo drags himself to his feet.  Feeling a bit desperate, he takes control of the conversation and leads with his best angle.  “Skywalker is dead.” 

 

His Master’s paranoia about his uncle was considerable, so this accomplishment is meaningful.  And maybe it will offset things a bit for when they get around to talking about the peace deal?  Kylo can only hope.  Because that lightning earlier had hurt.  Really hurt.   And that was for keeping his weapon out.  What will the punishment be for granting the galaxy a Senate?  Kylo thinks he will be lucky if he doesn’t lose a hand for that transgression.  If he doesn’t lose his head, that is. 

 

“Luke Skywalker,” Snoke spits out that hated name as he shakes his head.  “Now there was a waste of Force.  Well done to lure him into his sacrifice.  He went out a true Jedi, did he not?   It is both perfectly fitting and terribly ironic.  Skywalker got the noble death he desired.  And the Jedi Order along with it.”

 

“Yes, Master.”  The existential threat of Luke Skywalker is gone.  “There is nothing to stop us now.”  Kylo emphasizes the ‘us.’  Hux isn’t the only one who can suck up.

 

Snoke raises an eyebrow but does not comment.

 

“And the other Skywalker?  Why did you pardon the Resistance general?”

 

Ah, yes, that.  It was Rey’s idea and Kylo had seized on it.  He now states the shaky case for sparing his mother’s life.  “She is irrelevant.  She and her loyal followers are too few to pose a threat.”

 

“She is a Skywalker!” Snoke counters sharply.  “Do not underestimate your mother!  That woman is a moral force for her cause and a public figure to rally around.  Never forget that Leia Organa helped to fell an Empire and to raise a Republic.”

 

“I refused to make a martyr of her.  She’d like that,” Kylo is quick with his response.

 

Snoke grunts and looks skeptical.  Then, he sneers, “Still a child in a mask longing for mommy?”

 

Kylo refuses to be goaded.  He keeps up his reasoned defense.  His Master is many things, but he is ever rational.  “Her pardon is in keeping with the spirit of the peace accord.  The war is over and it’s time to move on.  It is a symbolic gesture, that’s all.”  Kylo feels Snoke’s eyes boring into him, seeing through him.  So he adds, “She means nothing to me.”

 

“Yes,” Snoke purrs.  “I recall that Han Solo meant nothing to you either.”

 

Kylo says nothing.  The less said about that man, the better.  But now, Snoke moves on to an even more uncomfortable topic.  “Tell me about the girl.”

 

“Rey?” he yelps reflexively.  Then cringes at how nervous this sounds.

 

His impatient Master mocks him. “Have you more than one young woman stashed in your quarters?  Apprentice, how you grow in my esteem by the moment.”

 

“There is just Rey, Master.”

 

“I thought so.  It took you long enough,” Snoke complains.  “Kylo Ren, you will never seduce anyone to the Dark Side if you cannot seduce a woman into bed.”

 

Kylo feels his face flame at this remark.  He’d rather his Master shoot him with more lightning than speak to him about sex.  Kylo shifts his weight and twists his jaw.  Gods, this is awkward.

 

Snoke seems to be enjoying his discomfort.  “I will give you credit.  You don’t start small.  You did not seduce an ordinary woman, you seduced Skywalker’s spurned Padawan.  Well done for that corruption,” his Master approves.  “She wasn’t even a Jedi before you got her to break her vows.  But did you really have to hide her away?  That’s no way to treat a lady.”

 

What?  “We were attempting to be discrete, Master,” he mumbles his excuse.

 

“I know you have little experience with romance, but really.   Could you not do better?”

 

Again, Kylo is lost in his Master’s words and attitudes.  None of this makes sense.  He shoots his Master a resentful look.  “You were going to kill her, I recall.”

 

“No, Apprentice, I believe that honor went to you,” Snoke smiles deviously.  “You were to be the one to kill her, but I would have stopped your blade.  That girl is far too useful to kill.  And downright adorable too.  It was a test, Apprentice and you passed.” 

 

“I don’t understand.  I disobeyed you.”

 

“Finally.”  Snoke throws up his clawed hands. “I have been waiting years for you to take charge and be your own man.  To be worthy of the responsibility that lies ahead.  It took the girl to do it.  She came along and made you a man.  And in every way, eh?”  Snoke is grinning ear to ear and it’s an ugly sight to behold.  He muses aloud now.  “Young love.  How it warms the heart.  Such possibility this presents. Where is she now, Apprentice?”

 

There’s no point in lying.  Kylo fesses up.  “She left me this morning.  I don’t know where she has gone.”

 

Snoke grunts again.  “Surely her destination is not hard to deduce.  How is it that General Hux describes our hyperspace tracking?  Being tied on a string, right?  But you and the girl Rey are linked far more than that.  For I have tied you together in the Force.  I knew that would bear fruit in time.”

 

Did his Master really create the Force bond, or is he merely taking credit for it?  There’s no way to know.  And it probably doesn’t matter since Kylo gives himself only fifty-fifty odds of surviving this interview.  Although, at this rate Snoke will likely talk him to death. 

 

“She will surface again,” Snoke breezes past Rey’s current location, sounding unconcerned.  “Have you been teaching her?”

 

“Yes.”  There’s no point in lying about that either.

 

“Can she be turned?”

 

“No.  She stays in the Light.”  Rey’s meltdown over those executions in the conference room had driven that point home.

 

“I agree,” his Master concurs.  “Young Rey has the spirit of a true Jedi.  We must take care that she not become one,” Snoke warns.

 

“Skywalker taught her nothing.”

 

“That’s why she is still alive,” Snoke purrs.  “What is your intention with the girl?”

 

Is that a personal question?  Because his intentions are honorable.  Kylo wants to be with Rey and to rule the galaxy with her.   But that dream is lost now and it’s certainly not what his Master wants to hear anyway.

 

“Well?” Snoke prompts when he hesitates too long.

 

“I had hoped that together we would balance the Force,” Kylo admits.  He face flushes at this bold assertion. 

 

His Master raises an eyebrow.  “I see.  First you usurp my new Empire and now you plot to usurp the Force.”  Snoke settles back on his high throne and considers his Apprentice a long moment.  Kylo fights the urge to squirm under his penetrating gaze.  “Your ambition has no bounds.  I applaud that.  And you are a Chosen One, so the goal is achievable.  Your grandfather might have balanced the Force were he not terribly wounded.  Vader drained his power to stay alive, and the pain in his body and in his soul would always have kept him too Dark for the task.”  Snoke’s misshapen jaw twists in a grimace.  “I doubt Sidious would have permitted it in any event.  Sheev was a Sith through and through.”  Snoke says this like it’s a bad thing. 

 

“Skywalker couldn’t do it.  He misunderstood the task entirely, so blinded was he by the dogma Kenobi and Yoda fed him.  There can be no balance with just the Light, and Skywalker lacked the fortitude to embrace Darkness.  The man was terrified of Darkness.  In himself.  In you, Apprentice.  And in the Force at large.”  Snoke gets a strangely woebegone expression now.  “Luke Skywalker scorned his heritage and denied his true nature.  He might have been another Vader.  Long ago when he was younger than you are now, I offered him the chance and he declined.”

 

Kylo looks up at this.  His eyes narrow.  He had no idea that Snoke and his uncle had ever met.  There is a story here and Kylo wants to know it.    For part of the pain after what happened at the Temple was his uncle’s indifference.  From time to time before that night, his uncle had brought up the subject of Darkness with his young Padawan.  Those were vehement lectures in which his uncle harangued about the evils of the Dark Side.  How once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  But after that night at the Temple, Luke Skywalker didn’t bother to confront him or to confront Snoke.  The Jedi Master had simply disappeared into exile.  And that had hurt.  For his heroic uncle had marched into a Death Star to coax his father Darth Vader back to the Light.  But Luke Skywalker couldn’t be bothered to make an effort to redeem the nephew he had raised as a surrogate son.   

 

Snoke continues now with Kylo listening closely.  “It takes a man trained in both the Light and the Dark to balance the Force.  Vader was a Jedi before he was a Sith.  The same as you, Apprentice.  And the same as I.”

 

There is his opening.  “You were a Sith?”  Kylo Ren has asked the question before and never received a satisfactory answer, but he tries again.  For old Snoke seems in a mood to talk.  And wait—“You were a Jedi??” 

 

Snoke leans forward in his chair and for the first time begins to speak of his mysterious past.  “I am an old, old man and in my time I have been all things in the Force.   Kylo Ren, if you wish to understand the great mystery, you must study it from all its angles.  Not just the narrow, dogmatic view of the Jedi or the equally limiting ways of the Sith.”

 

“Who are you?” Kylo wonders aloud.

 

“I have gone by many names in many places.  I have pledged different allegiances to different creeds.  I have lived different lives as different men.  My past is a web of deceit.  But when it came to you, Apprentice, I told no lies.  I only made temporary omissions.  The time has come for you to know the truth.”

 

“Who are you?” Kylo demands again.

 

“You know me by my real name.  I was born Snoke.  Later, Jedi Master Snoke before I was expelled by the Jedi for my forays into the Dark Side.  I found myself a Sith Master then and lived for a time by their religion.  Over the years, I came to see the failings of the Sith just as I experienced the failings of the Jedi.  I long ago ceased to identify myself as a diciple of either religion.  These days, I am simply Snoke.”

 

“I was a terrible Jedi,” his Master recalls proudly.  And, yes, Kylo can definitely believe that.  “I asked a lot of hard questions no one wanted to answer.  So I went looking for the answers myself.  The universe is a rational place, Apprentice.  Prophesy, intuition, and legend are not the true paths to knowledge of the Force.  The Jedi wasted their time on all that superstition.  The Force is far more powerful, far simpler, and far more knowable than the Jedi would have you believe.  It also requires far fewer rules and restrictions.”

 

“I was a much better Sith,” Snoke judges in retrospect.  “Darkness is a better fit for my talents.”  And, yes, Kylo can definitely believe that too.  “Still, the Sith got a great deal wrong as well.  They tended to excess.  Far too many of them through the years were petty and brutish.  The lust for power must be tempered by self preservation, as I have taught you.  Too much Darkness is dangerous.  It is reckless and self-defeating to be so unbalanced.”  Snoke shoots him a look of reproof.  “Remember your failure in the Starkiller woods.  Do not allow yourself to spiral down into Darkness unchecked.  It weakens you.  Darkness is a means, not an end, Apprentice.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

Snoke continues his critique, “The very nature of the Sith limited their success.  Kill and replace is a shortsighted strategy that risks too much in too few persons.  Skywalker proved that himself when he slew two Sith and ended their religion.  It’s not hard to see why the Sith endured in anonymous mediocrity for so many years.  For why should a man strive for a future that he knows he will lose to his Apprentice?  Sith Masters failed to pass on their best skills for fear it would be their undoing.  And so, there was no progress generation to generation.”  Snoke waves a nagging finger at his Apprentice.  “The Jedi had it right:  you must pass on what you have learned.  It is your responsibility to further the knowledge of the Force, Kylo Ren.”

 

“Yes, Master,” he dutifully replies.  For Kylo Ren aims to please out of sheer self-preservation.  But still, he feels compelled to point out, “Darth Sidious founded an Empire.  He ruled the galaxy.”  The First Order has been killing people left and right ever since to rebuild that Empire.  Say what you will about the Empire, but there was nothing mediocre about it.  And there was nothing mediocre about Darth Vader either.  Kylo bristles a bit, “The recent Sith were far from ineffective.” 

 

“Thanks to me.  Luckily, I came along to change things,” Snoke claims smugly.  “Then finally, the Grand Plan was achieved.  It took a Jedi Master to groom a Sith Emperor,” he smirks.  “Sheev Palpatine was a satisfactory Apprentice,” Snoke sniffs.  “Nothing more.”

 

“Who are you?” Kylo demands a third time.

 

“The correct question is who was I.  I was, for a time, the Sith Master to Darth Sidious.”

 

“Plagueis?”  Kylo sucks in a breath.  But, yes, it all fits.  Insight rushes up to him.  “You’re Plagueis!”

 

“Indeed.”  Snoke smiles at his reaction. 

 

Kylo’s mind is racing.  “But Sidious killed you in your sleep before the Clone Wars—”

 

“Yes, and you carved me in half in this very room,” Snoke answers dryly.  “Like Sheev, you will be my forever Apprentice.   Kylo Ren, you cannot kill me,” he warns.

 

But Kylo isn’t listening.  He’s thinking through all the ramifications of this big reveal.   Suddenly, so much makes sense.   Why Snoke knew exactly how to cripple the New Republic from within, why he wanted so badly to recreate the Old Empire, why he knew so many private details of the past that he shouldn’t, why he feared the rise of a new Jedi Order, and why he viewed the Empire toppling Luke Skywalker as a mortal threat.  The First Order is his Master’s second chance at a dream he had lost long before Kylo was born.  For Darth Plagueis the Wise was the architect of an Empire he never got to rule.  He was the Sith no one knew about freelancing in the Unknown Regions for years.  All the while, plotting his way back to power after six decades in anonymous exile.  Forgotten, but not gone.  Not ever gone.  This immortal Sith Master stayed in the game long after it was lost, just waiting things out.  For Darth Plagueis has the ultimate advantage others do not:  he has time on his side.

 

Wow, Kylo thinks.  Just . . . wow.  He could not be more impressed.

 

“You and Sidious were the phantom menace the Jedi could sense but not reveal . . . the Sith who clouded their vision with the Dark Side.”

 

Snoke nods.

 

“You orchestrated the Clone Wars, funded the Trade Federation, and manipulated the Old Republic Senate.”

 

Again, Snoke nods.

 

“You laid all the groundwork for the Empire that Sidious ruled.  Even the first Death Star.”  And now, Kylo understands exactly why the Starkiller existed.   Naturally, Snoke had to have a bigger, better version since his dead Apprentice Sidious had managed to have two.

 

“Yes.”  Snoke nods. 

 

“Revenge is why you wanted Skywalker dead, isn’t it?” Kylo asks.  Something tells him that Snoke’s obsession with his uncle was motivated more as Sith payback for taking down the first Empire than it was about concerns about a New Jedi Order.

 

“No.”  Snoke surprises with that answer.  “I wanted to keep Skywalker from furthering the dogma of the Jedi.  The sun has set on their cult forever.  If Skywalker succeeded in training a new generation of Jedi, they would be a threat to us.  I prefer to keep the Force firmly within the control of my family.  I will decide who is trained and how they are trained.”

 

Snoke’s family?  His Master has never once mentioned a family.  Kylo doesn’t know what to make of this latest reveal.  What else has his Master been hiding?

 

“Apprentice, henceforth the Chosen Ones will rule the Force.  Born neither Light nor Dark, they are incapable of adhering to any one extreme for any duration.  For even your uncle could not contain his Darker impulses from time to time.”

 

Yes, Kylo recalls vividly that night when he woke to Luke Skywalker’s sword above his head.  His uncle had plenty of Darkness, even though he vehemently denied it.

 

“The Skywalkers are born to balance the Force.  Your bloodline was created with conflict in mind.  It was always my intent that the Chosen Ones would be torn between the Dark and the Light.  That they would go seeking a middle ground.  Balance was the entire point of my creation.”

 

And now, the hairs on the back on Kylo’s neck stand up.  Suddenly, he has a bad feeling about this.  “Your creation?” he echoes as he stares his Master down.

 

“Yes.  In my list of accomplishments as a Sith, you left off my most important and enduring achievement.  I created your grandfather Anakin Skywalker in the Force.  He was conceived in the womb of a wretched but sweet slave woman on Tatooine by midichlorians manipulated by me.”

 

Kylo can feel his jaw drop.  He is sweating now.  “How is that possible?” he breathes out.

 

Snoke is watching him as closely as Kylo watches back.  His Master speaks slowly and gently now.  “Anything is possible in the Force.  A century back, I devoted a lifetime to studying midichlorians.  They are the essence of the Force, but they are not the whole mystery.  They are at best an approximation, more like a reflection of potential than they are a true causation.  But after many decades of research, I learned their secrets.  And that is how I know how to extend life, how to create life, and how to resurrect life.  All through the power of the Force.”

 

“You c-created my grandfather in the Force.”  Is he understanding this correctly?

 

“Yes,” Snoke answers gravely and looks him in the eye.  “Anakin Skywalker, Lord Vader, was my son in the Force.”

 

“You created my grandfather in the Force,” Kylo repeats woodenly out of shock.  He did not see this coming.

 

“Yes . . . search your feelings, Apprentice.  You know it to be true. The Jedi Chosen One long foretold was created by a Sith.  Fitting is it not?  For the Light and the Dark shall ever coexist.  In the universe and in the Skywalkers themselves.  In your blood, in your heart, in your soul, Kylo Ren, is a microcosm of the drama of the universe.”

 

Kylo doesn’t buy it.  You cannot capture the Force in one ruling family.  “The Force cannot be controlled this way.  There will be others randomly born to the Force.” 

 

“Yes, like Rey.  But unlike your scavenger girlfriend, there will be no one to identify and nurture their talents,” Snoke explains.  “And so, the Force will remain ours alone.  For only the Skywalkers have the knowledge to unlock the power.”

 

It’s hard to argue with this logic, Kylo thinks.  And, really, for three generations now the Skywalkers have had a chokehold on the Force.  That was the result of the demise of the Sith thanks to his uncle and the destruction of the Jedi Order started by his grandfather and finished by himself.  But apparently, none of that was destiny at work.  Instead, it was Snoke’s design playing out.

 

His Master must see how troubled he is, for old Snoke keeps explaining as he leans forward in his chair.  “I did this to end thousands of years of conflict over the Force.  To keep the galaxy from careening from one extreme to another in a never-ending cycle.   There can be no permanent winner in the war of Dark versus Light, there are only temporary victories.  And the consequence is disorder.   Your grandfather was created to end all that.  He was to be the part-Jedi, part-Sith messiah of the Force who would bring order to the galaxy at long last.   But my poor Anakin never got the chance.”

 

“And my uncle turned you down,” Kylo takes it one step further.  He knows where this is heading next.

 

Snoke stands now and walks down from his throne.  He plods to a few meters from Kylo as he reveals, “I waited years for you.   For decades, it has been my dream that the Skywalker bloodline would come home.  You are the chance that I never had with Vader.  You are the chance that Skywalker refused.” 

 

Kylo gulps.  His mind is still processing this news.  This is a lot to absorb.  He thought that Snoke would kill him today, not that he would reveal this shocking news.  “Does my mother know?” Kylo asks.

 

“I’m not sure.  I’m not certain your uncle ever believed me,” Snoke admits.  “The approach was all wrong.  Vader bungled it initially at Bespin and I tried to salvage the situation, but to no avail.  I should have taken things into my own hands from the beginning.  By the time I did, it was too late.”  Snoke makes a face.  Clearly, Luke Skywalker’s rejection still stings and his Master hates to lose.  “After that night at the Temple, Skywalker must have known that you would supplant him in the role I offered him years ago.  It’s why he walked away.  Luke Skywalker knew he could not kill me.  But more importantly, he refused to try.” 

 

“Why?”  Kylo has always wondered about this.  His uncle was no coward. 

 

“For the same reason he refused to kill Vader.  For the same reason he refused to kill you.” 

 

“Vader and I were his family,” Kylo reasons aloud.   Luke Skywalker had steadfastly refused to kill his family.  He threw down his lightsaber rather than fight his own father.  “Luke would not kill his kin.”

 

“And that includes me,” Snoke connects the dots.

 

Kylo furrows his brow.  “So I am your . . . ”  What is this relationship exactly?

 

“Great-grandson in the Force.”

 

That sounds ridiculous.  But whatever.   All Kylo can think is that he has been lied to yet again.   First, his parents and his uncle lie to him about his grandfather.  And now Snoke lies to him too.   Is there anyone he can put his faith in who won’t lie to him?  For yet again, Kylo feels manipulated.  Yet again, he feels deceived. He’s not a disgruntled teenager any longer.  He’s a man long grown.  But still . . . this stings deeply. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kylo grinds out as he looks up into the face of the harsh mentor that he both reveres and hates.   His Master’s face is scarred more by violence than by time.  It is a bizarre collection of features that is still remarkably expressive.  And now, Snoke’s gargoyle visage expresses rare compassion.  

 

But still, his Master is unrepentant.  “Sometimes, you must be cruel to be kind.  It was for your own good.  I wanted you to learn Darkness properly.  Like a Sith would without the religion.   Revealing our family relationship would have complicated our roles as Master and Apprentice.“

 

Yes, it would have.  But just knowing that there was some family member alive who wanted him when the rest cast him out would have helped, Kylo thinks.  After all, his own mother had publicly announced him dead once.  “You should have told me . . . “  In fact, the more Kylo mulls over this news, the angrier he becomes.  “I have given everything to you,” he growls at his Master before he shouts, “Everything!  And you hold back this??”   This is no little white lie to be excused away. 

 

Kylo glares at Snoke long and hard.   After that ugly, heartbreaking scene with Rey earlier, he comes in here expecting to deal with Hux.  Instead, he finds his undead zombie former-Jedi, former-Sith Master projecting his image in the Force, shooting lightning, and delivering this news?  FUCK!   This is not his day.    

 

Snoke’s face and tone soften further.  “You were young and struggling enough with your family legacy at the time.  Not ready for the burden were you.  I always intended to tell you the truth when your training was complete.”

 

That sounds only half-true to Kylo’s ears.  He grits his teeth and seethes.   For it seems an amazing coincidence that his Master tells this story only now after his Apprentice has risen up to steal control of the First Order.  Is Snoke manipulating him back to loyalty through his claim of kinship?  Or is the former Darth Plagueis just the latest in the long list of Skywalkers who have sought to rule the galaxy with a family member at their side?

 

Snoke now shifts strategies from excuses to flattery.  “Kylo Ren, you have won the galaxy, ended the Jedi Order, and slain your Master.  You are a man grown in wisdom, experience, and power.  You can handle the truth of our family now.  For you are entrusted with the future of our family.”

 

Kylo looks away in disgust.  Because how is this weird ‘created in the Force’ paternity any different from the rest of the family drama he’s known for years?  The ignominy of his clan just increased, but only marginally.  Because the Skywalkers reach heights of dysfunction that no one else is even competitive at.  And when you are already the most fucked up family ever, what’s one more skeleton in the closet?

 

Snoke persists and it grates on Kylo.  “I knew you would turn out well.  I have a new Vader at long last.   How proud I am of you, Apprentice.  Your grandfather would be proud too.”

 

Not likely, Kylo thinks.  Something tells him Vader would think him a dumbass for letting Rey leave him this morning.  Vader would probably think him dumbass for not having choked Hux on the spot too.  And that leads Kylo to wonder a moment whether Snoke had ever revealed his paternity to Darth Vader.  But it doesn’t matter.  Kylo has heard enough.  He starts for the door. 

 

He gets two steps before lightning sweeps him off his feet. 

 

“I did not dismiss you.”  Kindly grandfather Snoke is gone.  His disciplinarian Master is back and his voice is ice.  The man does not tolerate disrespect. 

 

But Kylo doesn’t care.  Silently, he gets up and starts walking again.  And again, he is brought to his knees by the blue fiery manifestation of the Dark Force.

 

Pained and panting, Kylo looks up to see his Master looming over him.  Oddly enough, Snoke looks concerned even though his words are warning.  “Consider yourself lucky.  For were you not my family, you would already be dead.  I would allow no other man to usurp my new Empire and get away with it.”

 

This is getting away with it?  It doesn’t feel like he’s getting away with it.  Because if this is winning, Kylo would rather lose.  Kylo feels fried and heartsick.  Duped and demoralized.  He wants nothing more than to retreat and lick his wounds.   For two people he trusted—Snoke and Rey—today have let him down. 

 

How he hates being a Skywalker.  He’s tired of crippling expectations and overbearing destiny.  Tired of secret family members and secret agendas.  Tired of personal and political conflicts that spill over into civil war.  Rey might long for a family but she has no idea what a bullet she has dodged.  Because Kylo Ren fucking hates his family.  And now, that family includes Snoke.

 

He is barely listening as Snoke proclaims, “Apprentice, you will continue as the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  I will operate in the background for the time being.   Together, we will rule the galaxy as if we are father and son.”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  Kylo staggers to his feet and yet again makes for the door.  This time, his Master lets him go.  As Kylo lunges into the elevator, Snoke calls his parting words, “We will discuss the Senate another time.”  Because, of course, his Master has to have the last word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tale of Snoke meeting young Luke Skywalker is told in 'A New Hope' posted to this website.


	31. Chapter 31

In the aftermath of his interview with Snoke, Kylo goes where he always goes when he feels lost:  to his grandfather’s mask.   For if there is one person who can understand his plight, Kylo is certain it is Darth Vader.  His grandfather too had been a Jedi who went to the Dark Side seeking answers.  Vader had also been an Apprentice to an overbearing Master.   He too had been a Chosen One torn between the Dark and the Light.  Had Darth Vader not died in the Light on the second Death Star, Kylo feels confident that his grandfather would have veered into Darkness again.   For that is the Skywalkers’ lot in life:  to be tempted first to the Dark Side and then to the Light in a cycle that repeats.   To be conflicted and to struggle without end. 

 

If Snoke is to be believed, there is meaning in that conflict and struggle.  For somewhere in that torment lies the secret to the balance of the Force.  Miserable Kylo fervently hopes so.  For though an ordinary Dark Sider can be reconciled to the Light, there is no redemption from being a Skywalker.   More and more, he feels like his clan is cursed.

 

How Kylo resents having his life story retconned completely.  For he sees now that young Ben Solo had not rebelled against the expectations of his family, he had inadvertently fulfilled them.  Kylo Ren is what Ben Solo was meant to be all along, only he didn’t know it.  All the times Snoke goaded him to fulfill his destiny now make sense.  His Master had been telling the truth, even in the throne room when he was urging Kylo on to execute Rey.  Old Snoke has long described his training as a process of self-discovery, and that too was true.  It’s just that Kylo had discovered far more than he bargained in the end.

 

That his plight is not an accident but was by purposeful design somehow makes it even worse.  Kylo chafes at being a pawn. He thinks he knows now how those Old Republic clone troopers must have felt.  They too were born to lives they did not choose and could not escape.  And is this how his grandfather felt during his boyhood as a slave?  Like his choices were very limited because the big picture was already pre-ordained?  Destiny has long been a great protagonist in Kylo Ren’s life.  But now that mysterious driving force has a name and it is Snoke.  Kylo is the Apprentice, so he is used to being controlled.  But that is somehow different from knowing he was born to be controlled. 

 

In the real world, we are all beholden to someone.  Obligations and limitations are a part of life.  Maybe there is a job you depend on with a boss you hate.  Or you can’t move off-world because you share custody with your ex.  But for whatever reason, you have a certain job, you live in a certain place, you do certain things, whether you like them or not because of your responsibilities.   Or maybe because these things are expected of you.  That’s life and you deal with it.  And, truthfully, in many ways Kylo’s life is devoid of those everyday cares.  His travails are abstract things like war and the Force.  His is a big life of ambition, power, fame, and glory.   Nothing about his experience is ordinary.  And now, he knows why.  For it’s not just that he is an agent of change with the Force.  It’s that he is a Skywalker with the Force, and that traps him in a life of significance whether he likes it or not.

 

Is any of this news?  Not really.  Snoke’s revelations have just provided more context to Kylo’s usual gripes.  But that context didn’t bring enlightenment, only more frustration.  Oh, grandfather, he thinks as he looks down at what remains of Lord Vader’s iconic mask.  I wish you here to guide me instead of Snoke.  And did you know?  Is it true?  Kylo sits there for over an hour slumped and searching for understanding in the Force.  But there is nothing from his beloved grandfather today. 

 

Bitterly frustrated and disappointed, Kylo sighs.  And that’s when he senses the bond opening for the first time in months.  He was hoping this would happen now that Rey is gone.  If he can’t be with his girl, at least he can speak with her.  Rey is a good listener.  All her solitary years mean she doesn’t talk too much.  And if ever he needed Rey’s listening ear and advice, it is now.   But will she hear him out?   Is she still mad?   Of course, she’s mad.  But maybe, he thinks, she will listen anyway.

 

Suddenly, he sees Rey.  She’s asleep lying on a bench.  Is this her AT-AT in the desert?  Kylo can’t tell in the dim light.  He mostly sees Rey’s face turned towards him lit from a light shining above.  As he watches in silence, a timeworn hand reaches from behind Rey to smooth her hair away from her face.  It’s a motherly gesture that tells him Rey is not alone.  And, staring at the gnarled hand with the distinctive gold and blue ring, recognition dawns and Kylo sucks in a breath.  He knows whose hand this is. 

 

Fuck!  His worst fears are true.  Rey has gone back to the Resistance.  Great . . . just great.  This is all he needs now.

 

“Rey!” he calls loudly.  He’s annoyed and doesn’t bother to hide it.  “Rey!  Wake up!”  She needs to get away from those traitors if she wants live.  Plus, he desperately wants to tell her about Snoke.  “Rey!” Kylo complains again sharply.  But his girl doesn’t stir.  And that frustrates him.  He doesn’t know how to control this bond and so he doesn’t want to waste what little precious time they have.  Rey needs to get up so he can tell her what’s afoot.  With Hux, with Snoke, and with himself.  “Rey!  Wake up!”

 

“She can’t.  She is sedated.  They are so afraid of her that they knocked her out with drugs for fear she would light her sword and kill us all.”  This is spoken in a familiar voice from his youth and, more recently, from the holonet.  It’s Leia Organa, the owner of the blue and gold ring, of course.

 

Kylo sighs his deep annoyance.  But inside, he panics a little at this unexpected run-in with his mother.  This is definitely his day for surprise family reunions.  “They?  Who are ‘they’?” he demands.  “Is Rey hurt?  Is she okay?” 

 

“I think she is fine,” his mother answers.  “So this must be the Force bond thing you told us about?”

 

“Yes.  Step forward.  Show yourself.  I can’t see much of her context.  I mostly see Rey.  Where is she?  Is this the Resistance?”

 

“No.”  Leia Organa steps forward around the bench from the shadows.  She has her arms awkwardly held down before her.  Looking closer, Kylo now sees that she is handcuffed.  He hadn’t noticed that initially, probably because he had been so focused on Rey. 

 

And just look at his mother.  She looks awful.  Tired and old. When did his mother get this old?   Maybe he has spent too much time over the years looking at pictures of Leia Organa as the daring Rebel princess and the young New Republic Senator.  She’s still beautiful in an elegant patrician sort of way, he thinks.  But she doesn’t look like the mother of his youth.  It’s not that she is terribly wrinkled or very grey.  It’s more something about her whole demeanor that looks worn.  But maybe that is a consequence of a lifetime of war.  All in all, it’s sort of a miracle that Leia Organa has lived long enough to grow old.  She’s lived longer than any Skywalker to date, if you don’t count Snoke.  Maybe it’s because she is so stubborn, Kylo thinks.  His mother might be too tough to die.

 

“What’s going on?” he demands.  “Where are you?  Why is Rey there?”

 

A stormtrooper now looms into view to grab his mother’s shoulder and force her down onto the bench. “Prisoner, I won’t tell you again.  Sit down!” the trooper orders gruffly.  “Stay seated or we will sedate you too.”

 

“What’s going on?” Kylo demands again.  Seeing his mother and Rey in First Order custody is giving him a very bad feeling about this.

 

“I should be asking you that,” Leia Organa complains.  “I was barely done celebrating my pardon before the troopers came.  I knew that peace deal was too good to be true.”

 

“Who’s in charge there?” Kylo barks impatiently.

 

“Starkiller Hux,” she answers.  “You know, your loudmouth fascist friend—”

 

“He’s not my friend.”

 

“Don’t be coy.  He’s certainly not mine,” his mother disavows.  “I was the bait to get to Rey.  We picked her up on Jakku.  What happened, Ben?  Did your girlfriend leave you?  Did you have a fight?”

 

Well, actually yes.  But he’s not about to admit that.  “Tell me what happened with Rey.”

 

“Hux threatened to kill me unless Rey came along.  Then he told us that Snoke is alive, like you claimed before.  Is that true?”

 

“Yes.  He’s alive.”

 

“Well, I’m on my way to pay him a visit now.  Rey too.” 

 

Fuck!  Kylo didn’t think this day could possibly get worse, but now it has.  His heart sinks at this news.  He had hoped that Rey would escape his Master.  But no such luck.  Now Snoke will have her and Leia Organa too.  That’s no accident, he knows.  Fuck!  It’s checkmate, Kylo Ren.

 

But if his mother is worried, it sure doesn’t show.  Instead, Leia Organa looks frustrated beyond all caring.  Unabashedly so.  And, actually, seeing how much his mother doesn’t give a fuck, makes Kylo especially nervous.  Because who knows what she will say and do when she meets Snoke. 

 

“Was this all some elaborate ruse to seduce Rey to the Dark Side?  You convinced her you needed her help to deal with Snoke when all the while you knew Snoke was alive?”

 

“No.”

 

And now, the trooper from earlier interrupts.  “Prisoner, who are you talking to?  Have you got some kind of comlink on you?”

 

“He can’t see you,” Leia Organa explains for Kylo’s benefit. 

 

“I know.  Only a Force-user can see when the bond opens.  Skywalker could see it.  Luke caught us once.” 

 

“Don’t talk about Luke!” his mother snaps as her eyes flash.  “Don’t you dare say his name!”

 

“Don’t start in on that.  And don’t start in on Dad,” Kylo warns.  And, ugh!  He makes a face at how defensive that sounds.  But some things never change.  All his mother has to do is open her mouth and she gets under his skin.  “I have no desire to talk to you.  I was here to talk to Rey.  I need to talk to Rey.”

 

“Alright, what do you want me to tell her?  Say it, Ben, and go away.” Yep, that’s his mother all right.  For a princess, his mother was never prissy.  She tended towards bluntness, like himself.  And she’s equally as impatient as he is.  Mother and son are far more alike than Kylo ever realized until now.

 

He had been planning to tell Rey that Snoke is alive and to watch herself.  But it appears to be too late for that.  And he had hoped to explain more about what happened in the conference room and maybe grovel a bit to coax Rey back.  But it’s too late for that too.  And now is definitely not the right setting to get Rey’s thoughts on Snoke’s big news.  So . . . that just leaves the most important message.  Because ‘tell Rey I love her’ is how Kylo really wants to respond.  But he’s not about to tell his mother that.

 

As he searches for what to say, Leia Organa starts talking to fill the silence.  “You know, I was kind of surprised that Rey played along, to tell you the truth.  I guess I should thank her for sparing my life at least temporarily.  I didn’t expect that after how we left things last time.”  His mother glances over at the sleeping Rey.  “She is wearing a First Order uniform, I see.  It’s just like I feared.  She’s loyal to you now.”

 

“Lady, who are you talking to?”  It’s the trooper again.  He calls to someone else.  “Go get the general, I’m suspicious of this.  Is the old gal loony or is this something else?”

 

Leia Organa rolls her eyes.  She’s very good at that, Kylo recalls.  “This is some pardon,” she gripes.  “I think I had more fun on the Death Star—”

 

“The pardon was real.  Rey suggested it.  She suggested all of it.  The peace deal is hers.  She did an amazing job.”  Suddenly, Kylo realizes he never told Rey that.  In the stress of these last few days, he has been so preoccupied with Hux and a potential coup that he never thanked Rey for all she has done.  Damn, he should have appreciated his girl more.  No wonder she left him . . .

 

“Well, I suppose it’s the thought that counts,” his mother complains some more.  “But next time, clear the pardon with your boss—”

 

“What is the meaning of this?”  Kylo instantly recognizes the sharp voice that interrupts.  Those patrician nasal tones could only come from Armitage Hux.  “Why are you talking to the air?”  Sure enough, the redheaded slim general marches partially into view.  He towers over petite Leia Organa who shoots him a dirty look.

 

“Ignore him,” Kylo instructs.  “Look, M-Mom,”—it’s sort of hard to say that word out loud—“Rey and I were trying to make peace.  Believe what you want, but Rey and I want to make the galaxy better.  I made huge concessions in that deal and you might give me a little credit for that—”

 

“Is the rest of the deal as misleading as my pardon?” she demands.

 

Well, er . . . some of it . . . yes.  “Those were huge concessions," Kylo repeats defensively. 

 

“Answer me, Prisoner!” snaps the oblivious Hux.   “Why are you talking to the air?”

 

Leia Organa smirks back at him.

 

Looking on in the Force, Kylo smirks too.  The ridiculousness of this situation is hard to miss.   He’s having an argument with his mother while Rey is asleep and Hux is eavesdropping.  The only thing that could make this better is if Luke Skywalker’s Force ghost shows up to start lecturing him again.

 

And now, his very provoking mother turns her talents to provoking General Hux.  “Does he know we call him General Hugs?” she asks to her son.

 

Kylo smirks again.  “Yeah.  He hates that.”

 

“Wait—Ren did this once on the bridge awhile back.  He was talking out loud to someone who wasn’t there . . . “  Understanding dawns quickly on Hux’s face.  The man is never slow on the uptake.  “You have the Force!” he accuses Leia Organa.  It comes out in a tone of mixed revulsion and fear.   “You have the Force like the Leader and Ren.  And the girl!”

 

“Should I tell him?  Does he know?” Leia Organa asks to her son.

 

“About us?” Kylo asks.

 

“Yes.”

 

“No.  Only Snoke knows.  But, go ahead and tell him.  I want to see the look on his face.”

 

His mother gives a little wry chuckle.  “Me too.”  Then she turns to the pompous young general.  “Yes, I have the Force.”

 

“You have the Force,” Hux echoes as he takes a wary step back.

 

Seeing she has him the retreat, Leia Organa presses her case.  She’s smug as she informs him, “The Force is strong in my family.  I have it.  My father Darth Vader had it.  My brother Luke Skywalker had it.  And my idiot son has it.”

 

Wait—‘idiot son’ is not how he likes to be described.  Kylo glowers at his triumphant looking mother.  But her attention is all for Hux.

 

“You have a son?  That’s not in your Intel file.”  The general’s eyes narrow.

 

“My son is very strong with the Force.”

 

And that’s a far more accurate description, Kylo decides.  So he lets the prior comment slide.

 

“Ren!”  Understanding dawns again on Hux.  He whirls to look in the direction his mother is facing and stares into empty space.  “Ren!  Are you there??”

 

“Yes,” Leia Organa confirms.

 

“Yes, he’s there?  Or yes, you are Kylo Ren’s mother?” Hux demands.

 

“Yes,” Leia Organa confirms again.

 

Kylo doesn’t bother to stifle his laughter at the general’s bewilderment.  Long-winded Hux is rarely at a loss for words, but he is now. 

 

“We do not acknowledge the relationship,” his mother explains with a tight smile.

 

“Obviously.”  Hux is aghast.  “I wouldn’t want to acknowledge you as my mother either.”

 

And that was kind of harsh.  “I hate that guy,” Kylo complains.

 

“So do I,” his mother snaps.  That's more vintage Leia Organa.  For a woman so committed to the ideals of the Light, she has a decidedly Dark streak and a sharp tongue.  Still growing up, her staff and supporters had loved her.  She has always attracted a band of devoted admirers.  And, come to think of it, that weirdly reminds Kylo of Hux. 

 

“Is Snoke any better than this guy?” Leia Organa jabs a thumb in the direction of Hux as she asks her son.

 

“Not really.  But Snoke’s a whole lot less pretty and far more relaxed.”  And that’s his opening, Kylo decides.  For who knows if he will get the opportunity to speak to his mother again.  “Do you know who Snoke is?”

 

“He’s a Sith,” Leia Organa answers with cutting disdain.

 

“He’s not a Sith.  Neither am I,” Kylo corrects.

 

“Then what are you?” 

 

“I am myself.  Kylo Ren of the First Order.”  He is his own man.  Or, at least, he thought he was.   Now, he’s not so sure.  Still, Kylo maintains, “I have a political cause but I don’t have a religion.”

 

“Other than violence and power, you mean?”   His mother raises an eyebrow at this claim.  “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a—“

 

“I am not a Sith.  Snoke is not a Sith either.”  In fact, his grandiose Master apparently thinks he’s a god.  These days, he’s too good to be a mere Sith.

 

“Snoke told Luke he was a Sith.”

 

Kylo’s eyes widen and then narrow.  “So it’s true then.  Luke did meet him once.”

 

His mother nods.  “Luke said Snoke showed up claiming to be our grandfather.   It was a long time ago on Naboo.  During the Rebellion years right before Endor.”

 

“You don’t believe it?”

 

“Luke didn’t believe it.  Why should I?   He said Snoke and Vader were just trying to tempt him to the Dark Side with lies.   That’s how it works, right?   The Dark Side is full of grand promises that turn out to be fake.”

 

“So it is true,” Kylo repeats again. 

 

His mother disagrees.  “I trust Luke’s judgement over Vader and Snoke.”

 

“It is true,” Kylo breathes out again.  He feels sort of stricken, even though he’s not surprised.  “Vader thought it was true.”  And that’s confirmation enough for him.

 

Now, decades old anger bubbles up as a long overdue confrontation erupts.  “Why didn’t you tell me?   Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Kylo rages at his mother.   “You told me Darth Vader betrayed and murdered my grandfather!   And you never told me there was a former Sith Lord who claimed to be his father in the Force!”

 

Leia Organa argues back, “I didn’t want you to know because I feared you would follow them into the Dark Side.  But you went there anyway!   So, what do you have to be upset about?  You made your choice,” she hisses.  “I hope you can live with yourself!”

 

“Oh, like you don’t have a high body count too?” Kylo goads.  “Killing people is what the Skywalkers do best, right?  Dark or Light, we live for war!”  All except himself, who had tried with Rey’s help to make peace.  “I hate this family!” Kylo lashes out. 

 

Fuck!  This is the worst day ever.  First, he fights with Rey. Then, he fights with Snoke.  Now, he fights with his mother.  It’s too much.  He’s a hair trigger temper anyway but now he’s operating on emotional overload.  Fuck!  Kylo punches the air and puts his face in his hands.  He needs the bond to close because he can’t take much more of this.  Speaking to his mother really puts him off his game.  It makes him feel like he’s ten again.

 

After a long moment of silence, his mother speaks up.  “Luke was sorry for what happened.  He told me that at Crait.”  

 

And is she really going there??  Yes, she is.  So Kylo bellows back, “Sorry??  Yeah?   Well, so am I!”  He’s sorry he was ever born into this family.  Next, is his mother going to give her own mea culpa?  Because she owes him an apology too.  But that’s not happening from the look on her face.

 

“Stop doing that!” Hux orders.  Apparently, he has recovered from the shock of Kylo Ren’s scandalous parentage.  Now, he’s apoplectic about being disobeyed.  And by the enemy general too.  “Stop doing that . . . that thing!  With the Force!  Stop it!  Stop it now, I say!”

 

To her credit, his mother starts to laugh.  It infuriates Hux.  “However do you put up with this guy?” she asks her son.

 

Kylo sighs and mutters, “I should have killed him when I had the chance.” He really regrets that now. Then, Kylo frowns.  It’s weird bonding with his mother over their mutual dislike of Hux.  “The Force intimidates Hux,” he shares with Leia Organa.  “Keep talking to me.  It will piss him off more.”

 

“Okay.  Where are you?”

 

“On the _Finalizer_ over Coruscant.  In my quarters.”

 

His mother squints at him a moment.  No, in front of him.  She’s looking at the mask.  “That looks like—”

 

“It is.”

 

Leia Organa blinks and then recoils.  “Where did you find that?  Did you dig that up on Endor?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Ugh. I can’t believe you have that.  That’s morbid.  And kind of gross.  Plus, there is nothing to admire about that man and his life choices--”

 

“Lay off Vader!” he overrides her incipient lecture.  “Don’t go there,” he warns.

 

“I said stop it!” indignant Hux now roars.

 

His mother shoots the general a patronizing look.  “You don’t intimidate me.  It takes a lot more than you to intimidate me.”

 

“In a few more hours, you’ll get to meet Supreme Leader Snoke.  Then we’ll see how brave you are,” the general threatens.

 

“Bring it on!” his mother snorts.  “I have a few things to say to old Snoke that I’d like to get off my chest.”

 

Kylo can’t help it.  He’s starting to enjoy this scene.  “Tell him off, Mom,” he encourages.  “Now’s your chance.”

 

“You’re just child in a uniform.  Is anyone in the First Order even age forty?” Leia Organa complains.  “You are all brainwashed kids.  From the stormtroopers to you too, Hux.  A bunch of zealots with guns.”

 

“You will address me as General.”  Hux’s tone drips with hauteur that his princess mother blithely ignores.

 

“I knew a few generals in my day.  Veers.  Tagge.  Romodi.  You’re nothing like them.”

 

“Go through the Moffs next,” Kylo suggests.

 

“I was getting to that.  I knew a few Moffs in my day too.  Disra.  Jerjerrod.  Tarkin.  To name a few.  You’re nothing like them either.  They were wise and skillful adversaries.  Men of principle.  Men of war.”

 

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Hux groans.  “Someone get a sedative for the prisoner.  Now!”

 

Leia Organa continues undeterred.  “Then, there are the Sith lords.  Darth Sidious and my father Darth Vader.  And don’t forget the Jedi.  My brother Luke.  Then, there was Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi who saved me from the Death Star.  I named my son after him.”

 

Kylo makes a face.  “Don’t remind me.  That fucking Jedi watched Vader burn and left him for dead!  I hate that fucker and I’m glad Vader got him through the neck.”

 

That causes his mother to glance his way.  “Language, Ben.  Please,” she chides.  It’s the first thing about her that’s sort of motherly today.

 

“What?  Am I twelve??  I’m Kylo Ren and I can fucking swear with the f-word if I please!”  Kylo shoots her a look.  “Dad swore all the fucking time, you know—"

 

“And that reminds me.  We need to talk about your father,” Leia Organa abruptly shifts gears. "You owe me an explanation!"

 

Uh oh.  “Not now, Mom.”  And Kylo cringes after those words come out like a whine.  Like he is still a kid and not a man who rules the galaxy in Dark power and glory. 

 

“Yes, now!” she snaps back.  “Because who knows if I will get this chance again.”  Leia Organa now completely forgets Hux.  And that might actually offend the general more.  “I will never forgive you for killing your father in cold blood!   Why did you hate him so much?”

 

Rey had asked him the very same thing.  “I didn’t hate Dad.”   Why did he kill his father?   Well, it was mostly to appease Snoke.   To prove his fidelity and establish his Dark Side cred.  That’s probably why his mouthy mother will end up dead soon too, Kylo realizes with a heavy heart.  At least Snoke had said that Rey is too useful to kill.    She, at least, should survive.

 

“Answer me, Ben!”

 

He squirms.  “Look, he was the enemy trying to blow up the oscillator—“

 

“Don’t give me that following orders bullshit!  You had a choice!  What kind of a monster are you that you can ignite your sword through your father’s heart?   Oh, Ben, you’ve done a lot of horrible things but that was the worst.”

 

“He was a loser!” Kylo explodes.  He is defensive so as usual he lashes out.  “Han Solo was little more than a criminal.  He hustled you, he hustled everyone.  Be glad he’s gone!”

 

“I’m not glad he’s gone.  Your father was a good man.  He had a good heart, even with all his faults.  None of us is perfect, Ben.”  Leia Organa’s expression is hard.  “I’m going to give old Snoke a piece of my mind.  He’s going to pay for what he has done to our family.”

 

Kylo shakes his head and rolls his eyes.  “Good luck with that—“

 

“Rey was there to watch you do it.  And still . . . she betrayed us all to run off with you.”  Leia Organa sighs as she looks over at unconscious Rey.  “I feel badly about her too.  Not that I approve of her actions.  But she deserves better than you.”

 

And ouch, that hurt even if it’s probably true.  Kylo looks to where Rey lays sleeping.  In all the war of words with his mother, he has forgotten about Rey.  She’s still wearing that borrowed uniform but it looks dusty.  Less black and more gray.  It’s probably from sand, he thinks.  How he hates that Rey fled back to Jakku.  Kylo had wanted to help her to move past that time in her life.  To put it behind her for good.  But instead, he had driven her back there again.  He feels very bad about that.

 

And now, Kylo feels the tickle in his mind that always heralds the opening and closing of the bond.  This conversation is going to end quickly, he knows from experience.  “The bond is about to shut off.  I can’t control it.  Tell Rey—”

 

“Yes?” his mother prompts.

 

“Tell her . . . tell her . . . good luck with Snoke.”  That is wholly inadequate for what he wants to say.  But this is terribly awkward with his mother as their go-between and Hux hearing one side of the conversation.  Kylo looks down now and his eyes fall on the mask of his grandfather.  It only serves to remind him what a lonely, wretched existence Lord Vader had without his beloved Padme.  How he lived years with regrets. 

 

So, Kylo tries again.  “Tell Rey that I meant what I said.”  And, no that’s not quite right.  Because he said a lot of stupid shit before she left him.  And so, Rey might completely misunderstand the message he’s trying to send.  And while Snoke had said that Rey is too useful to kill, who knows if that was a lie to buy his loyalty.  Or if Snoke ultimately will change his mind.  Nothing about his Master has been predictable of late.  And so, for all Kylo knows, Snoke will kill Rey on the spot.  For when Dark meets Light, all bets are off.  And that potentially makes this his last chance to make amends for their argument. 

 

Frustrated and embarrassed, Kylo decides to spit it out.  “Tell Rey that I love her.  Tell her good luck with Snoke and that I love her.  That’s all . . . ”  And fuck, Kylo wishes the Force would end this right now. He can feel his face flaming as he refuses to meet his mother’s eyes.  “Good luck to you too, Mom,” he mutters.  He’s miserable and still looking down.  This is humbling.  Because deep down, he loves his mother too.

 

And that is Leia Organa’s cue to tell him something nice in return.  Like maybe that she loves him or she forgives him or she is proud of him or she wants him to be happy or something comforting and understanding like that.  Because this might be their last chance to speak to one another too.  But his prickly mother just sighs and gripes, “You got us into this mess.  I hope you’re happy.  This is all your fault.”

 

On that sour note, the bond shuts off.


	32. Chapter 32

Something sharp is jabbed in her leg.  Rey flinches and cries out in response.  She tries to open her eyes but she can’t.

An impatient man’s voice near her says, “Stim her again.  We’ll be starting the landing cycle soon.  The general wants her up and walking.”

Again, she is jabbed in the thigh.  Seconds later, Rey is wide awake.  She’s panting with instant adrenaline, both real and artificially administered.  As she sits up, Rey discovers that she is in handcuffs.  She looks around, confused and panicking a little.  “Where am I?”   This isn’t Jakku.

“The First Order,” Leia Organa answers curtly.  Ben’s mother is sitting across from Rey on a bench.  And, really, that answer is self-evident from the troopers guarding them both.  There are lots of guns on display around her, Rey sees as her memory comes rushing back.

“Snoke.  We’re going to Snoke.”  

“Yes.   They sedated you before we got onboard.  You’ve been out since Jakku.”

Still disoriented, Rey asks blankly.  “How long ago was that?”

“About a day.”

Yikes.  “What did I miss?”

“Ben.”

“Ben??” 

His mother nods.  “He was here in the Force.   He was trying to talk to you but you were asleep.  We couldn’t wake you up.”

The bond must have opened.   And that means one very important thing:  “He’s alive!”  Relief floods Rey.  “Oh, thank the Gods, he’s alive.”

“I guess for now,” Leia Organa shrugs. “Snoke will punish Ben even if he lets him live.  That’s how these Dark Side guys operate.  Don’t get your hopes up.”  The Resistance general is grimly matter-of-fact.  Leia Organa never sugarcoats things, even if she’s a lover of lost causes.  “The first time Luke met Vader, Vader cut off his hand.  And that was when Vader was trying to get him to join him in the Empire.  I guess it was punishment for blowing up the Death Star.”

Rey nods as insight rushes up to her now.  It’s so obvious, she should have seen it right off.  “If Ben gets to live, then I guess his punishment is us.” Yes, that makes perfect sense.  Rey blinks fast.  She starts panicking a little again.  “Snoke wanted me dead before, so I guess this is it.”  She sucks in a quick breath and repeats, “This is it then.”  

Leia Organa doesn’t disagree.  And her somewhat hostile demeanor slips a bit at Rey’s obvious distress.  “You’re not alone.  I’m in this with you,” the older woman says softly.

Rey nods.  It’s something, at least.  “That’s what Ben told me once on Ahch-To,” she remembers wistfully.  It was months ago, but that seems like just yesterday even though so much has happened since then.

“Ben told me to tell you good luck and that he loves you.”  The Resistance General looks sort of annoyed at having to relay that sentiment.  Clearly, she does not approve.

“He said that?”

“Yes.”

Rey looks down as she thinks back.  “We had a fight.  Things ended badly and then I ran.”   The moment the words leave her lips, Rey cringes a bit.  Because why is she sharing this?  Leia Organa obviously doesn’t want to hear about her and Ben.  

In fact, she tells Rey, “Leaving him was a good call, but it was a little too late.  I don’t know what you see in my son.”  The older woman shakes her head.

And that attitude makes Rey a bit indignant on Ben’s behalf.  “He is full of Light,” she maintains hotly.   “Ben is full of Light and full of hope for the future.  He just does a lot of bad things,” she finishes weakly, as her voice trails off.  Rey is remembering the slaughter on the _Finalizer_ that had split them apart. 

“Really, Rey?  Really??”  Now, it’s Leia Organa’s turn to be indignant.  “He’s Kylo Ren.”

“He’s more than that!  Far more than that,” Rey stubbornly contends.  But why is she still defending him?

Ben’s mother looks even more annoyed now.  “You love him back.  Don’t you?”  She says this like an accusation.

Rey looks away.  “Yes.”  Yes, she does.  Even after what she saw in the conference room.

Leia Organa makes a face as she exhales a big sigh.  “Yeah,” she summarizes. “We’re both dead.   Well, Rey, I’m not keen that you left us for Ben, but it looks like you two made each other happy for a time.”

“We did,” Rey nods.  “I don’t regret leaving the Resistance, General.”  The war would still be going on and there would be no peace deal with a Senate if she had stayed.  And she would never have loved, and been loved by, Ben Solo the erstwhile Kylo Ren.  She never found a family, Rey thinks, but she did find someone who cared.

Leia Organa shoots her a dirty look.  Ben’s mother is pretty ticked off at the moment, but maybe it’s because she’s very stressed.  Rey is suddenly glad that she was knocked out for most of this shuttle ride to Snoke.  Because if she had sat here for hours awaiting her execution, she’d be pretty snippy too.  As it is, Rey can’t shake that feeling of rising panic.  She keeps trying to control her fear but memories of her last run-in with Snoke have her very scared.  Does Leia Organa see that she is trembling?  Rey clamps down on her hands, slightly embarrassed because Ben’s mother looks coolly unperturbed.  Rey wonders if she is really that brave or if she just no longer cares how things turn out now that the war is lost and her twin brother is dead.

They fall silent for a bit as the shuttle begins its landing cycle and the ship descends.  The tension feels like it is increasing with each passing second.  Just when Rey feels like she might cry, Leia Organa speaks up.  “I was supposed to be executed on the first Death Star.  I’ve been living on borrowed time for many, many years.”

Rey feels like she should say something back, so she mutters, “It’s been four years since the last time I almost starved to death.  I was on a good streak of luck there for a while.” 

Leia Organa apparently has nothing to say to that, so the silence falls again.

A stormtrooper now checks Rey’s cuffs to make sure they are tight.  Clearly, the guards think she is very dangerous.  They keep referring to her as the ‘Jedi girl.’  For good measure, the lead trooper decides to put leg chains on her as well.  As this is happening, Leia Organa begins talking again.  It’s all grimly annoying, and Rey wishes she would just shut up.  No doubt the six stormtroopers surrounding them are getting an earful. 

“I regret what happened to my family,” the older woman now shares.  “My divorce . . . Ben . . . Luke . . . all of it.   I wish it had gone differently.”

Leia Organa says this in a way that portrays her life as something she herself had no control over.  And that ticks Rey off.  So, she can’t help but twist the knife.  “Yeah, well a lot of us little people regret your family too, General.  Billions have died for the Skywalkers and their wars.  I’ll be one name on a very long list.”

To her credit, Ben’s mother doesn’t argue back.  She just nods.  “Got anything else you regret?”

“Yeah,” Rey nods.  “I regret not learning to read.  I can barely read, General.”  There.  She’s said it out loud.  And she’s not ashamed.  Something of Rey’s independence is coming out now here at the end and suddenly she’s unashamed of anything.  Not leaving the Resistance, not loving Kylo Ren, not being an illiterate scavenger from the Rim.  Rey is who she is.  She owns her choices and her circumstances in life.  She couldn’t care less if the stormtroopers listening in or Ben’s mother judge her.  Facing down death puts these sorts of things in perspective where they belong.

“Oh, Rey, I’m sorry—”

“Yeah, well what do you expect?  I’m a poor orphan from the Rim.”  Rey is touchy about this subject, so she lashes out even if she shrugs.  “You and your New Republic never gave a damn about people like me.  You want to know why the First Order exists, General?  Look in the mirror!”

“Rey—”

“I lived on a star destroyer so I know that the First Order is more than Kylo Ren, Snoke, and General Hux.  It’s more than the Force.  It’s a lot of ordinary people who are fed up.”  Leia Organa opens her mouth to speak but Rey overrides her again.  “Look, I’m not defending who they are and what they do.  But I understand where they are coming from.”  Rey looks away now.  “Some of what the First Order says is true.”

“The Republic made a lot of mistakes,” Leia Organa concedes.

“Yes, you did!  Ben and I were trying to clean things up and find a middle ground.  But Snoke will probably undo the whole peace deal now.”   And that means nothing will be solved and the war will grind on.  Basically, Rey has nothing to show for her time at the First Order other than a few months of falling in love with Kylo Ren.  And that had been pretty amazing up until the moment he lit his sword and slaughtered fifty people as she watched. 

The shuttle touches down and the ramp begins to deploy.  The two women lock eyes nervously.  They keep switching postures between a strange gallows esprit d’corp and stressed bickering.  Now, they are back to being supportive again.  “What did you and Ben fight over?” Leia Organa asks.

“Him killing people.  What else.”  Rey can feel her pulse racing as the inevitable draws near.  The lead trooper now motions them to their feet and shuffles them towards the exit.  “In the end, Ben was a little too Dark and I was a little too Light,” Rey concludes unhappily.  “But for a time, it worked.”

“You can never be too Light,” Leia Organa observes softly.

“Oh, shut the fuck up!” Rey explodes.  “Because yes, you can!”  This, Rey thinks, is the attitude that frustrated the young Ben Solo with Dark tendencies he did not understand.  This is the attitude that led to war.  This is the attitude of the old Jedi Order that Luke Skywalker wanted to end.  Rey’s temper is short from the drama of the situation and she’s not in the mood for sanctimony. 

“Quiet, prisoners!” the lead trooper barks.  He and the rest of the troopers snap to attention as General Hux appears from the cockpit to escort them down the ramp.  Feeling rather numb, Rey puts one foot in front of the other and does as she is told.  She felt much more confident marching to see Snoke the first time than she does now.  Rey trudges forward in her leg chains, trying to summon her shaky courage.

Leia Organa has no such difficulty.  She starts firing off questions as if she were the one in charge.  “Where are we?”

“Naboo,” Hux responds.  “Take a good look around, Princess.  This is where you are going to die.”

“The Mid Rim?  Snoke lives in the Mid Rim?  I thought he was in the Outlying Regions.”

“He lives on Naboo.”

“Oh.  I haven’t been here in years.”  General Organa looks around at the gorgeous natural scenery.  “This looks like the lake country.”

“It is.”

Rey too takes in the picturesque landscape.  At least she won’t die in the desert.  “I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy,” she mutters under her breath. 

Hux overhears her.  “Scavenger scum,” he snarls. 

Cheeky Leia Organa has the effrontery to correct him.  “Rebel scum, General.  Rey and I are rebel scum.”  For truly, the aplomb of Ben’s mother in these circumstances is something to behold.  It’s encouraging to watch, Rey thinks, as she too tries to rally.

“Rebel?  Are you sure about that?” Hux snaps back.  “She’s been Ren’s co-conspirator for months now and she’s wearing our uniform.  Who knows whose side she’s on.”

The conversation ceases now as they are met by an older man with a slight frame wearing a black nondescript uniform.  “Welcome, General Hux.”  The man greets Hux with grave dignity.  But he does not salute, so he must not be military.  Rey watches as the older man’s eyes sweep over her and Leia Organa.  She knows they present a rather woebegone sight.  Rey is sandy and thoroughly disheveled, with much of her hair tumbled out of the neat First Order regulation chignon she had pinned up days ago.  At her side Ben’s mother is also looking somewhat worse for wear in that same grey dress and cape Rey remembers from Crait. 

“The Master will receive you and his guests now,” the man announces.  But before escorting them to Snoke, the man’s eyes flit over the impressive display of troopers who accompany them.  “Let us dispense with the honor guard, shall we?” the man coolly suggests without a trace of irony. 

Hux bristles but agrees.  He dismisses the troopers back to the shuttle to wait.  Now, it’s just the general, Rey, Leia Organa, and this strange, quietly self-assured man. 

“Where is the sword?” the man asks of the general.

Hux looks at him blankly. 

“The lightsaber.   Where is the lightsaber?”

“In the shuttle.”

“He will want the sword.  That is the Skywalker saber.  It belongs to the family.”

“Very well.”  Hux calls to the lead trooper and the man retrieves Rey’s confiscated weapon from the shuttle.  The older man waits patiently while this is done.  Hux is obviously annoyed at the delay but says nothing.   Whoever this older man is, it’s clear that he outranks General Hux in the hierarchy. 

“This way to the garden,” the older man now ushers them forward like this is a social call and not a reckoning with the Supreme Leader of the galaxy.  Rey feels rather perplexed by this reception.  But she takes a page out of her Jakku playbook and keeps her eyes open and her mouth shut.  Ben’s mother strides forward with a queenly grace and an imperious posture that Rey does her best to emulate.  Leia Organa has done this captured-prisoner-presented-for-execution thing a few times before and she does it well.

It is a circuitous walk to Snoke through a large rambling garden.  Everywhere Rey looks there are artfully arranged mature plants and trees.  The sounds of bird chirps and tweets fill the air and there are buzzing insects and butterflies flitting about.  The scene is like something from a fairytale storybook, not the nightmare Rey currently finds herself in.  Although, to be honest, the lovely, placid setting does calm her nerves a little.   There is just so much Force here.  All this life feels good on her mind.  It balms her senses.  This place strikes Rey as the antithesis of the desert wasteland where she grew up.  On Jakku, Rey had been the Light stubbornly surviving amid death and decay.  And here on Naboo, nestled amid all this vibrant, thriving Light, is the galaxy’s reigning Master of Darkness. 

Snoke receives them seated at a table under a large trestle that is overgrown with fragrant, blooming flowers.   He looks much the same as he did when Rey first saw him only his ceremonial gold robe is gone.  In its place is a light colored, considerably less sparkly version.  Is this Snoke’s casual wear for when he is en dishabille?  It is disarmingly like what Luke Skywalker had been wearing at their first meeting.  Rey is taken aback as she realizes she and Leia Organa are the ones in dark colors compared to Snoke’s pale Jedi-like earth tones. 

Rey recalls a towering wraith on a high throne, but in this setting Snoke’s frame looks almost elegantly frail.  His huge face is just as hideous as she remembers, but it is pinkish in the sun and his eyes are a soft blue.  He looks oddly gentle.  If Rey didn’t know better, she would think him kindly, for his expression is welcoming.  This man is a monster, she knows.  But that is not the impression he gives today.

General Hux snaps to rigid military attention before his boss while the old man bows low as if to a king.  Beside Rey, Leia Organa just lifts her chin and straightens her posture.  Glancing over at this calm composure, nervous Rey approximates the same stance.  She has stared down many foes on Jakku.  She can stare down Snoke.

“Ah, Lady Vader.”  Snoke greets Leia Organa with the sobriquet political rivals had dubbed her years ago once her scandalous parentage became public knowledge.   “This is such an honor.  You have no idea how long I have wished to meet Lord Vader’s little princess.”  Snoke is very, very pleased. 

The look Leia Organa shoots him would freeze water on hot Jakku.  Her face is the picture of dignified contempt.  Glancing at her now, Rey thinks that she is every inch the haughty princess.

Snoke ignores this and turns his attention to her.  “And here is young Rey.  Welcome, my dear.  So nice to see you again.”  His sharp eyes flit over her sandy First Order uniform.  “How happy I am to see that you are one of us these days,” he purrs.

“It’s just a uniform,” Rey grinds out.

“You’ve been wearing it for months,” Snoke counters easily.  “Would you prefer that I address you as Lieutenant Renata Solo?”   He favors Rey a smirking smile as he informs Leia Organa, “Lady Vader, your rebel friend here is the Special Assistant to the Supreme Leader for Resistance Intelligence Matters.   Such a mouthful.  And amusingly ironic, is it not?”

Leia Organa’s attention is on Rey’s assumed name and not her faux title.  “Solo?”  She raises an eyebrow and shoots an incredulous, questioning look at Rey.

“Yes, Solo,” Snoke confirms with relish.  “Her military records indicate that she is the wife of a certain Ben Solo.  Intriguing, is it not?”

“You’re married to Ben??”  Leia Organa looks shocked.   “This keeps getting worse,” she sighs heavily.

Snoke chuckles.  “No, Princess, it keeps getting better.”

“We aren’t married,” Rey objects.  Her nervousness makes her tone especially tart.  “I refused him.”

Snoke stops laughing now.  He grunts and frowns.  But before Rey can respond further, he moves on.  “You will forgive me for not standing in the presence of ladies, but I am somewhat incapacitated still.”

“He’s dead,” Rey announces for the benefit of Leia Organa. 

“Oh, I’m not dead.  Not yet,” Snoke corrects.  He looks gleefully devilish.  “Not ever.”

“I saw you cut in half by a lightsaber,” Rey snaps.  “You were dead.”  Eyes open, mouth slack, tongue-sticking-out, cut-in-half dead.

Old Snoke shrugs.  “Merely a flesh wound, child.  It was a valiant effort, nonetheless.”

“You were dead!” Rey maintains.  She saw it with her own eyes.  “How are you alive now?” she demands.

“The very same way you live and breathe,” he answers.  “The Force.  The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities that some consider to be unnatural.  Go ahead, kill me again,” he goads her.  “Take your weapon and strike me down.  For it is dying that I am born to eternal life.”

Rey just stares at him, uncertain what to make of any of this.

“Her lightsaber.”  At the mention of Rey’s sword, the old man now proffers it to Snoke.

He accepts eagerly the weapon that had sliced him in two.   “Ah, yes.   A Jedi’s weapon.”   Snoke turns the saber over in his hands.  Then he shoots Rey a pointed look.  “By now, you must know that Kylo Ren can never be turned from the Dark Side of the Force.  Although,” he allows, “it was a charming attempt.  Tell me, how many of my Praetorian guards did you kill?  The general and I have a friendly wager on the matter.”

What?  Why are they talking about this?  Rey scowls.  “I don’t remember.  It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course, it matters.  Rey, in these things you must always keep score.  Now think back,” Snoke orders in that calm, conversational way of his that belies the threat behind his words.  “How many was it?”

“Three,” Rey decides, wondering what the point of this is.

“Ha!  I win!” Snoke crows with a triumphant look over at General Hux.  “But then again, I always win.  Take a lesson there, young Rey.”  But if there is a lesson, it escapes Rey.  She finds Snoke’s Dark Side joie de vivre befuddling.  Because shouldn’t Snoke be angry and threatening, like before?  Shouldn’t he want revenge for being killed and payback for the unauthorized peace deal foisted on the galaxy?  But if Snoke is vexed, it doesn’t show.  Instead, she and Leia Organa stand there stiff and uncomfortable as Snoke lounges, smirks, and laughs at them.  It’s . . . odd.  And keeps going unabated.  “The general wagered you got at least four, but I knew better.  Kylo Ren is well trained and, well, Skywalker did very little for you I understand.”  Creepy Snoke smiles approvingly at her.  “Still, you must have impressed my Apprentice or he would not have offered you the galaxy afterwards.” 

Rey starts.  How did Snoke know that? 

“He did offer you the galaxy, did he not?” Snoke raises his eyebrows expectantly.  “Indulge me, Rey.  Did my Apprentice make the whole speech like Vader gave to his wife and then later his son?  Like I gave to Vader?”  Snoke’s eyes dart to Leia Organa now.  “And like I gave to Luke Skywalker long ago?”

“Yes,” Rey concedes.  There’s no point in hiding it.  Snoke will only take it from her mind.

“I knew it!” Snoke slaps his chair arm with satisfaction.  Like this is a sporting match and his team has just scored a goal.  “Kylo Ren is a Skywalker through and through!” he crows.   And now the gargoyle Supreme Leader turns back to his enemy general.  “Lady Vader, you are the only one who wasn’t offered it all.  And so, you went and took it!  Ah, Darth Vader would be very proud of you, thorn in his side though you were.  You are a credit to the family, Lady Vader.”

“Stop calling me that,” Leia Organa growls.

But Snoke does not acknowledge her statement.  “You were the tougher twin.  I saw that from the very beginning.  Such a worth adversary you have been.  Leia Skywalker Organa Solo, destroyer of Death Stars and my Starkiller, founder of the New Republic, Senator, General, Princess.  You have a long and storied career, but my favorite role of yours is the one so few people know about.”  A slow, sly smile spreads across Snoke’s ruined features.  “Mother,” he announces with maximum melodrama.  “General Hux, meet your counterpart General Organa, better known in select circles as the mother of Kylo Ren.”

“So I learned on the way here,” Hux nods.  Disapproval fairly radiates from his curled lip and stiff shoulders.

“She is the black sheep of the family.  With Skywalker gone, only this wayward prodigal daughter remains estranged to me.  Lady Vader, how glad I am that you have come home to me at last,” Snoke gushes.  He sounds alarmingly sincere.

“This is not my home,” Leia Organa informs him bluntly, “and you are not my family.  Luke didn’t believe it and neither do I.”

Snoke’s words are pointed as he observes in response, “Granddaughter, you may refuse to accept the truth, but that does not make it any less true.”

“G-Granddaughter?” Rey looks from Ben’s mother to Snoke and back again.  “Granddaughter?  How is that even possible?” she thinks out loud.

“The Force,” Snoke intones reverently.

Ben’s mother rolls her eyes.

General Hux looks positively repulsed by the shame of it all.  “Leia Organa is your granddaughter??”  The look of sympathy he gives Snoke is something only Ben could appreciate, Rey thinks. 

“Yes, granddaughter,” Snoke purrs.  “Lord Vader was my son, Luke Skywalker was my grandson, and Kylo Ren is my great-grandson.  Ours is a family with both heroes and villains, General.  It all depends on your point of view.” 

“That’s . . . that’s . . .”  General Hux has no words to describe the conflicting, meandering loyalties of the Skywalker clan.  “Regrettable,” is the descriptor he decides upon finally.

“Indeed.  But there is no need to looks so aghast.  General, I assure you this family is more of a farce than a tragedy.”  Snoke settles back comfortably in his seat as he beams at Rey and Leia Organa.  “Today, you have brought me everything I need.  For standing before me now are the only two people left alive who Kylo Ren has ever loved.  His estranged and unforgiving mother.  And his flight risk pregnant girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend??” Hux blinks at Rey.  Apparently, he is just now putting it all together.  He had only heard one side of the conversation on the shuttle ride here, and he hadn’t heard the whole conversation.

“Pregnant??” Leia Organa echoes in disbelief.

“Whaat?” Rey gasps.

“You did not know?”  Snoke looks like a proud grandfather-to-be.  “Feel it in the Force.  There is new life growing within you.  It is unmistakable.  Congratulations, Rey.  I could not be more pleased.  Another generation begins,” he muses with a smirk. “Long live the Skywalkers.”

“Oh,” Rey responds in a small voice, looking down.  She drags in a ragged breath and then repeats herself.  “O-Oh . . . Oh, no . . . ”  Is this true?  Yes, it’s true.  Somehow, she can feel the truth in Snoke’s words.

Leia Organa is instantly livid.  She whirls on Rey.  “Oh, I should have expected this!  I am going to murder Ben for this!  He lured you and then he got you pregnant--” 

“P-Pregnant?” Rey whispers hoarsely.  How did this happen?  Rey is still processing the news.

But Leia Organa has already decided how she feels.  She stalks forward menacingly to Snoke.  “If you think you will get your hands on another child in this family, you are mistaken!” she warns.  Leia Organa now boldly shakes out her hands and her handcuffs fall away with some help from the Force.  She stalks right up to Snoke’s chair.  Even seated, the Dark Master tops the petite princess.  But Ben’s mother is still a force to be reckoned with.   “You have ruined my family,” she accuses in a low, intense tone that is so like her son’s baritone version.  “Because of you, my son is a monster, my husband is dead, my brother is dead, and the galaxy is enslaved by your band of fanatics!  I hate you!”   This comes out normal volume but Leia Organa might as well be hollering for that is the effect.  “You are a predator and a liar!  A war criminal and a tryant!”  She is waving a manicured finger insistently at Snoke as her anger burgeons.  “You will never win!” Ben’s mother warns and her words are punctuated by a streak of blue fire that erupts from her fingertip and bounces harmlessly off the table. 

“OH!”  Leia Organa shrieks and jumps back.

Rey gasps.

Hux pulls his sidearm.

Snoke laughs.  He throws back his head and laughs long and hard at Leia Organa’s dismay.  “Oh, but I have already won.  And, in every way, I see.”

Stricken Leia Organa is still staring dumbfounded at her right hand.

“Is that your first time to cast Force lightning?  Ah, I see that it is.  Well done, well done,” he approves between heaving guffaws.  “I can’t wait to tell my Apprentice about this.  Let no one say you aren’t a Chosen One.”  Snoke is grinning ear to ear.  “Lady Vader indeed.”  Snoke exchanges glances and nods with his old servant standing nearby.  “Let there be no mistake:  you have every bit as much Force as the rest of us do.”

“I hate the Force,” Ben’s mother breathes out as her voice cracks.  She turns her head and raises a trembling hand to her lips.  Her face is red with shame.  “I wish none of us had the Force,” she manages as she dissolves into tears.  “And now, there is a b-baby too.  Another innocent b-baby.”

Rey doesn’t know what to say.  Tears from Leia Organa are so unexpected and terribly uncomfortable.  This woman is very tough.  Even General Hux is squirming to watch.

To his credit, Snoke says nothing.  He just watches in patient silence as Leia Organa quickly regains her composure, furiously wiping at her eyes.  When she has collected herself, the Resistance general squares her shoulders and visibly swallows.  She glares at Snoke.  “Let’s get this over with, shall we?  I hate long waits.”

“You mistake the matter,” Snoke says gently.  “You are my guest.  You will not be harmed, Lady Vader.  You were pardoned, remember?”

“I will not be your hostage!” Ben’s mother snaps.

“You are my guest,” Snoke repeats.  Then he points a clawed finger at Rey.  “She is my hostage.  Now then, granddaughter, I wish your advice and council on matters relating to the new Galactic Senate.  I know the Old Republic Senate.  You know the New Republic Senate.  Regrettably, General Hux here knows nothing of either and that is a liability since he is now the Senate Chancellor.  During your residency here, you and I will school the general in democracy.”

If Rey weren’t so rattled, she would laugh at the flummoxed expression on Hux’s face.

“I’m not helping you,” Leia Organa’s tone is firm.  “I’ll never join you!”

“Why not?”  Rather than argue, Snoke starts to cajole her.  “You are a proponent of democracy, are you not?  Isn’t that the whole point of the Resistance movement?”  As Leia Organa glares at him, Snoke mocks her, “Unless you have reconsidered and you would rather we dispense with the Senate?  A Senate is a useful whipping boy for us to blame things on, but if you insist we can omit it.  My Apprentice and I are quite capable of ruling the galaxy by fiat.”

“Do it,” Rey interrupts.  “You might as well,” she explains woodenly.  “I gave Ben your memoirs.  He’s been reading them.”

“You gave him my memoirs?”  Leia Organa is offended.  “Yes, of course you did,” she decides as she cocks her head and scowls at Rey.  “I should have guessed that since apparently you have given Ben everything else.”

It’s a catty remark that makes miserable Rey blush hard.  Survivor that she is, Rey is now sort of wishing that Snoke would just kill her.  That way, she wouldn’t have to live as hostage to this bizarre family of friends and foes with that awful General Hux hanging around.  And she is pregnant!  Oh, Gods, how did that happen after she took that shot on the _Finalizer_? 

For his part, Snoke shrugs.  “Some girl had to make a man of my Apprentice.  It was long overdue,” he drawls.  Snoke sits back and looks smug.  “Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.”

It is an ominous statement that hits home.  A baby means she will never be free of Ben, Rey knows.  Snoke either, probably.  And that thought makes Rey feel woozy and lightheaded.  She feels a little sick now at her predicament as she suddenly remembers Ben’s vision of her pregnant and alone on Jakku.  Is that what the future holds?  Will she be another doomed Skywalker mother on the run from destiny?

“Sit down, Rey.”  Snoke leisurely waves a finger at a chair that slides up next to her courtesy of the Force.  “You look like you might faint.”

For the first time in her life, Rey feels like she might faint.   She sits down heavily, wrapping her arms protectively around herself.  Rey can’t decide who she wants to get away from more:   gleeful and snarky Snoke, disapproving and disgusted Leia Organa, or that priggish and mean General Hux.  They are all peering at her now.  All Rey can think as she scans their faces is that she should have heeded Luke Skywalker’s warning.  Because Luke was right that things would not go the way she thought they would.  Ben didn’t turn, Snoke didn’t die, she fell in love, and now there is a baby . . .  Marriage or no marriage, Rey realizes that she is intrinsically linked to the Skywalker family now.  And if history is any guide, that does not bode well.


	33. Chapter 33

Snoke’s Naboo lake country estate is as elegantly beautiful inside as it is outside.  With wide, expansive hallways, handsome sunlit rooms, and a hazy watercolor palette for its decor.  Lord Vader might choose the dramatic hellscape of Mustafar for his personal retreat, but the former Lord Plagueis chose something entirely conventional and luxurious.  Snoke’s manservant—Rey now knows his name is Milo—narrates the villa’s history as he conducts Rey and Leia Organa through the main house. 

 

The estate has been in the family since before the Clone Wars, Milo explains.  Back in those days, the Master headed the Banking Clan and Naboo was a good halfway point between his business on Coruscant and Muunilinst.  The family spent a lot of time here back then, he recalls.  Milo then neatly glosses over a few decades when he reveals that the estate fell into Lord Sidious’ hands during the Master’s years in exile.  But like so much of what remained from the Old Empire, the villa too was reclaimed by Snoke upon Palpatine’s death.  For all’s well that ends well in Sith real estate.

 

Milo conducts Rey and the princess through a series of reception rooms and lounge areas, pointing out items of interest here and there.   There is expensive looking art on the walls and quite a bit of sculpture displayed.  There is even an entire room full of rare antique paperbound books.  Slowly, the trio makes their way to a wing Milo calls the family quarters.  There, Leia Organa is deposited in a guest suite and encouraged to relax.  

 

Rey doesn’t get her own gauzy, immaculate bedroom, however.  She is marched to the opposite end of the villa to a small, makeshift medical facility.   The Master requires medical care during his recuperation, Milo explains, so we are fortunate to have medics on site currently.  A trio of First Order medics and a droid examine Rey in the small infirmary.  Rey is pronounced newly pregnant, somewhat underweight but otherwise healthy.  The team advises her to rest, to eat heartily, and to avoid strenuous exertion or unnecessary stress.  That last prescription seems ridiculous under the circumstances.  Rey just sighs.

 

Next, the medics show her a picture of the tiny baby developing in her womb and that sort of makes it all feel true, but not really.  Because if someone jostled Rey awake now and told her it was all a nightmare, she would believe it.  Rey is standing barefoot in a blouson medical gown staring at the picture wondering how Ben will react to the news when old Snoke wanders in.  He moves slowly with the use of a cane these days.  His is a plodding, awkward gait.

 

“Everything is as it should be?” Snoke asks of his minions. 

 

“Yes, Sir,” the lead medic replies in a voice of authority.  “Luckily, the sedative and the stim shots do not appear to have harmed the baby.  We can confirm that the child is male, as well.”

 

“Excellent,” Snoke approves.

 

Rey feels just the opposite.  She’s not certain yet what she thinks about this surprise baby, but she is far from enthusiastic.  “How?  How did this happen?” she sputters miserably.

 

“There is a failure rate to all contraception,” the lead medic replies gently, correctly reading Rey’s distress from her watery eyes.  “It is small but it does exist.”

 

And that’s when Snoke drops another bombshell.  “My dear, there is no medicine that can prevent my Dark magic.  There is no need to fault yourself or my Apprentice.”

 

“What??” Rey asks blankly.  She’s confused.

 

Snoke smiles patiently at her.  “The child is a Skywalker but he is not the child of Kylo Ren.”

 

“What??”  Upset, rattled Rey still isn’t following.

 

So Snoke spells it out for her.  “This child was conjured in the Force.  He is not the son of my Apprentice.  He is my son in the Force.”

 

“Your son??” Rey understands now.  And she instinctively rejects Snoke’s claim outright.   “No!  No! That’s a lie!” she hisses.

 

Snoke is calm and smug in the face of her extreme agitation.  “I created this Skywalker son like I created the original Skywalker son.   You were far too good an opportunity to pass up, Rey.  You have the same raw power as my Apprentice.  And since you opted to prevent pregnancy with him, I took matters into my own hands.”

 

“Oh, my Gods!” Rey shrieks.  “You did this??”

 

“Yes,” Snoke confirms.  “All things are possible in the Force.  Creation is perhaps the essence of the Force,” he muses sagely.  “There can be no greater expression of my power than the creation of life anew.”

 

Rey explodes as anger rushes up to overcome her equilibrium in an instant.  She throws up both hands in a gesture that sends a mighty Force push all directions around her.  The droid and the three medics go flying.  Snoke stands there unmoved.  For as powerful as Rey is, she is no match for this Dark Master. He has anticipated her because, as usual, Snoke is one step ahead.

 

He is unconcerned with her outburst.  Snoke keeps speaking as though nothing has occurred.  “You will adjust to the idea in time.  Rey, you will be an excellent mother.”

 

“No!” she bellows as the wary medics drag themselves off the ground.  “I will not do this!”

 

“It is unavoidable,” Snoke informs her.  His tone is firm and quiet.  “It is your destiny.”

 

“I will not do this!” Rey warns again.  She refuses to be a pawn to the Dark Side.  Fuck destiny!  And fuck Snoke!  She will not be manipulated in this way.

 

“Rey,” Snoke steps closer and looms over her.  Then he very deliberately confides, “If there is one lesson to learn from the Skywalkers, it is that destiny always wins.  Do not set yourself up in opposition to fate and the Force, for you will lose every time.  The Force is with this family, and this family will endure.  This child will be born and will grow in grace and wisdom to one day rule the galaxy as a Chosen One.”

 

Those are chilling words for Rey’s ears.  She stands there, staring back into Snoke’s ruined face.  She is every Dark emotion right now:  angry, hurt, sad, vengeful, lost, and afraid.   This paternity news, on top of her surprise pregnancy, has rocked Rey on her heels.  She feels very, very used.  And trapped.  Terribly trapped. 

 

At her side, the lead medic voices his concerns to Snoke.  “Will she try to harm herself?  She seems very upset.”   

 

Snoke brushes off the concern.  “Never fear, Doctor.  This one is a survivor.  She has grit.”

 

“And the baby?”

 

“It’s a Skywalker.  We are very hard to kill.”  Snoke turns back to Rey now.  “Heed my words,” he growls in a truly menacing tone as he waves a finger under her nose.   “There is nowhere I will not find you in the Force.  And the First Order is still very much mine.  So if you steal a ship and run to Kylo Ren, I will know it.  You won't get to him before my loyalists get to you,” he warns.

 

“I will not do this!” Rey rages again.

 

“There is no escape from destiny,” the former Sith intones.  “Accept that now or you will pay the price for your lack of vision.  Too many in my family have learned the power of destiny the hard way.  You don’t want to be on that list.”

 

With those disturbing parting words, old Snoke lumbers away.

 

In his aftermath, Rey just wants to be alone.  She needs to think.  Plus, the adrenaline crash following that double stim shot has her especially tired.  So, Rey meekly complies when Milo deposits her in a fancy bedroom suite of her own.  Rey cries long and hard face down on the bed before she takes a shower and cries some more.  There are not enough tears to express her distress right now.   And so, for a few hours, she succumbs to utter hopelessness and fear.

 

Her life is spiraling out of control.  In fact, Rey is starting to suspect that from the moment she was awakened to the Force, she lost control over her life.  Because ever since then, one Skywalker or another has been influencing her.  First, she was searching for Luke.  Then, she was trying to save Ben.  Next, she ended up back at the Resistance with Leia Organa before she returned to Ben again.  And now, she is in the clutches of Snoke.  For a fiercely independent young woman used to living life completely on her own terms, this unhappy realization is emotional and mental overload.   Today is a life changing personal crisis Rey did not see coming. 

 

She probably should have, though.  For nothing about the Skywalkers has turned out like she expected.  You need to expect the unexpected with this clan.  Luke Skywalker was not the hero she wanted, even if he turned out to be the hero the Resistance needed in the end.  Mostly, he was a bitter old man wallowing in his mistakes and sadness.  Rey has no regrets that she stole his precious Jedi texts with the secrets he refused to teach.

 

Kylo Ren was the monster she knew to fear, fulfilling everything bad she expected of him as he murdered his father in cold blood.  But along with the bad, Rey discovered good too.  For the Ben Solo she loves is full of lofty ideas to transcend the conflicts of the past.  He is strangely hopeful for the future in a way that seems inconsistent with his allegiance to the Dark Side.  And for all his violence and aggression, the private man she knows is easily hurt.

 

At first, Leia Organa seemed like the one Skywalker for whom what you see is what you get.  In person, Ben’s mother is the very same stalwart voice for the Light that she is on the holonet.  She’s honorable and brave in her fervent commitment to hope for all things . . . but her son.  For Ben, she is unyielding, unforgiving, even harsh.  It’s a contradiction Rey can’t explain except that Leia Organa is bitterly disappointed in life.  And that seems like a problem partly of her own making.  For as bad as these Skywalkers have been to the galaxy at large, to each other they are even worse. 

 

And then, there is Snoke, the most surprising one of all.  The evil Dark Master was dead until he wasn’t.  He wanted Rey dead until he wanted her pregnant.  She went from being his enemy to being his hostage houseguest in record time.  And . . . surprise!  He’s a Skywalker too.  She should have guessed that.  At this rate, if Armitage Hux turns out to be a secret Skywalker, Rey won’t bat an eye.

 

It’s all so distressing, so disheartening.  More than anything, Rey wants to get away from this deadly clan.  For generation after generation of Skywalkers have been gifted with the Force, burdened by ideals, and torn apart by ambition.   This family is the epicenter of personal, political, and religious conflicts that keep repeating themselves again and again.  Because while these people say they want to shape the future, each in their own way is slavishly devoted to the past.   Killing to recreate their cherished Republic or to reestablish an Empire long gone.  Are they trapped in a vicious cycle or gifted with yet another chance to get it right?   Family, power, love and the Force intersect differently each time, but the result always seems to be the same.  Lost dreams.  Lost love.  Lost children.  And billions dead on the sidelines of all this hubris, dysfunction, and pathos.  And this, now, is Rey’s future too if she births her Skywalker son.

 

It’s overwhelming.  So Rey cries some more.

 

Hours later, Rey is roused from her misery by a knock on the door.  It’s the manservant Milo come to fetch her.  Rey is embarrassed to answer the knock wearing nothing but her loose hospital gown, but she learns that Milo has come to remedy that state of affairs.  Rey is conducted down the hall to a room where Leia Organa stands surrounded by several droids and lots and lots of clothes. 

 

“Hello, Rey,” Ben’s princess mother greets her.  She gestures across the room to a large hanging rack of garments.  “I’m assuming those are for you.”  Then she turns back to rifling through a box that is presumably for herself.

 

“What is all this?” Rey asks, looking around.

 

Milo answers in his dignified tones, “The Master wishes you to be suitably attired while you are in residence.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Have fun, ladies.  Select whatever you wish,” Milo instructs before he bows low and withdraws. 

 

That leaves Rey and Leia Organa alone.  It feels very awkward given all that has occurred and been said between them up until now.  Maybe Rey ought to apologize, but she doesn’t feel like it.  Right now, she pretty much hates any and all of the Skywalkers, this woman included.  But dejected, beleaguered Rey doesn’t feel up for another fight.

 

Leia Organa looks her over, taking in her puffy red-rimmed eyes, still wet hair, bare feet, and institutional looking medical gown.  The Resistance general’s face softens into sympathy.  This woman may be legendarily tough, but she is far from unfeeling and cold.  And it’s clear that Rey is in deep distress.  “It looks like you’ve come to the right place,” Ben’s mother remarks easily.  She holds up a deep blue dress that looks like it belongs on a queen.  She shows it to Rey and cracks a smile.  “I would have gone to the Dark Side long ago if I knew they had such good stuff,” she jokes.  And is she trying to cheer her up?  Maybe so.  “I’ll let you go first with the grooming droid,” Leia Organa offers.  “There’s one for both of us, but the red one is rebooting.  That wet hair looks like it’s cold, so you go ahead.”

 

“No, thanks,” Rey answers automatically.  “You use it.”  She’s not in the mood to play dress up.  “I’ll watch.”  Rey perches on a chair nearby to look on.  To her credit, Leia Organa doesn’t push.  She just activates the droid and pulls up a chair next to Rey. 

 

As the ladies’ grooming droid gets to work on a look that is described on the menu as ‘mature and elegant,’ it becomes clear that the princess has definite ideas about what she likes.  “No, that’s too peach,” she rejects a second blush color.  “Rose. I want rose as in dark pink.  That’s too peach.”  Watching her, Rey sees that her attitude of command never turns off.  Like her son, Leia Organa knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to demand it of anyone.  It all smacks of entitlement, Rey thinks.  And is that the consequence of being royalty or does that come naturally to the Skywalker clan? 

 

“You can’t line old eyes like that.  It looks too harsh. Smudge, don’t draw, droid.”  Finally, Ben’s mother takes matters into her own hands.  “Here.  Let me do it.  I’ve been doing my own makeup for years now.  I never found a grooming droid I liked,” she gripes to Rey.  And that’s sort of a bizarre comment to make to a girl who had to save up water to bathe twice a week.  Rey has never owned any cosmetics and her hairstyles are purely functional.   Sure, she’s seen all this on the holonet but never in real life.  Under a different set of circumstances, this might be fun.  But today, it is not.  Still, making monosyllabic responses to Leia Organa’s makeup observations means they aren’t going to talk about Ben or the baby.  And that’s what Rey desperately wants. 

 

Ten minutes later, Leia Organa is mature and elegant, just as promised.  She’s actually a very beautiful woman, Rey realizes.  She and Ben had watched old documentary footage of his mother for hours together on the holonet, so Rey can see all the ways in which time has taken its toll.  But as Rey starts considering Leia Organa as she looks now rather than in context of what she once was, it’s clear that she is very lovely.  Looking with eyes that appreciate rather than critique, there is a lot here to admire. Age has changed, but not dimmed this princess’ appeal. 

 

The same holds true for her personality.  The notoriously sassy Rebel fugitive is still disarmingly forthright.  This must be where Ben’s bluntness comes from, Rey thinks.  She watches as the droid offers a perfume that Ben’s mother rejects out of hand.  “That smells like a Hutt brothel,” the older woman decrees.  “Elegant and clean is what I’m looking for.  Not sex slave, droid.”

 

The droid now moves on to hair, and this too Leia Organa declines.  “Hair is my thing,” she confides to Rey.  “I do my own hair and I always have.”  Leia Organa takes one good look in the droid’s mirror to carefully arrange her part.  Then she starts a series of elaborate braids and twists that somehow come out perfectly symmetrical and result in a coronet of grey-streaked chestnut hair.  The finished style is both beautiful, practical, and regal.  That it is all done completely by feel without the assist of a mirror is a feat.  Rey thinks of her utilitarian trio of hair knots and feels completely outclassed.  Actually, everything about this room full of expensive clothes and shoes makes her feel uncomfortable.

 

“I’m not very girly,” Rey says softly as she looks around.   She wouldn’t know where to start even if she were participating.

 

“You never had the opportunity, did you?” Ben’s mother observes as she expertly slides in a hairpin.  “I was the opposite.  I was raised to be girly.  You can’t be a princess without being girly.”

 

“I guess not.”

 

“Over the years, I realized it really helped.  Rey, I’ve always had plenty of rough edges and looking pretty helped to soften my image some.  Politics is mostly what people see on the holonet and so it’s very visual.  I was happy to put on lipstick and fix my hair if it meant that people would listen a bit longer to what I said.  Although, at some point, I stopped being the ingenue princess and became the matriarch.”  She shrugs and peers into the mirror to inspect her makeup one last time, smoothing it over her jawline.  “I can’t complain about getting old.  So many people I knew never got the chance.” Leia Organa says this in a wistful voice.  For a moment, her face has a plaintive cast and she truly looks old.  For this woman has lived history in a way few others have.  She is a veteran of two galactic civil wars and she helped to found a Republic she saw fall. 

 

Rey says nothing.  The reflective moment passes and Ben’s mother is once again her usual animated self.  “These days, I have to do the lipstick and the hair,” she tells Rey.  “I don’t recognize myself without it.  It’s like a uniform.”  With a few more tweaks, the princess is satisfied with her hair and makeup.  She crosses the room to look again at the rack of clothes.  “What do you think?” she solicits Rey’s opinion as she holds up two options. “The blue or the grey?” 

 

“Blue, I guess.”  The grey reminds Rey far too much of that cape and gown Leia Organa has worn since Crait. 

 

“Blue, it is.”  The older woman shrugs out of the dressing gown she is wearing to don the blue dress.  “This is good, but is there a tailor droid here?   Good.  It will have to be hemmed.  I’m so short that everything has to be hemmed.  The sleeves too, please,” she requests.   As the droid sets to work, Leia Organa now turns her attention to dressing Rey.  “Go have a look.  Choose something, Rey.”

 

She declines.  “I don’t want to wear any of this.  It’s not me.” 

 

Fancy dresses are never how Rey saw herself.   In her holonet inspired daydreams, Rey wanted to be the stylishly cute and casual girl-on-the-go on a Core world like Coruscant.  With a bag slung across her body and eye catching tall boots with fringe that shifts as she walks.   Maybe she would be striding down one of the Upper Level esplanades on her way to meet a friend for caf.  Or maybe she would be running late to her work.  Either way, Rey’s shiny hair would bounce as she walks and Rey would smile randomly at passersby.   The smile is key.  Rey would be smiling because she is happy and because no one ever smiles on Jakku and this is not Jakku.  This is the furthest thing from Jakku.  Fantasy Rey is young and carefree, with a squad of gal pals, an interesting job, and a nice family back home who loves her.  Maybe even a cute boy to date too.  But nothing serious.  Not at nineteen.  This girl has her whole life ahead of her and she’s not limiting any of her options yet.

 

“Go on.  Just have a look,” Leia Organa cajoles.  “You have to wear something, Rey.”

 

But one glance over at the rack of clothes intended for her tells Rey they are anything but what she wants.  These are long, stately, serious clothes.  Clothes for an important young woman who matters and whose clothes convey that point.  This girl lives in luxury but not happiness, she dresses to impress but not to please herself, and she plays a high stakes game of power at the apex of the First Order.  Her life is not carefree, her choices are limited by who she is, and the secrets she knows could topple an Empire.  It’s all very off-putting.  For these are dresses for a pregnant princess of the Force who is held hostage by the Dark Side.  A young woman who accidentally and unwittingly became trapped by her own bad choices with a very dangerous man in a mask.

 

“None of that looks like me,” Rey shakes her head and declines again. 

 

“You will wear a First Order uniform but not a pretty dress?  Rey, reconsider.  Everything here is better than what you have on.”  

 

Leia Organa doesn’t get it.  They are talking past one another, Rey sees.  For it’s not wearing a dress that is the issue.  It’s that these are Snoke’s dresses that he is forcing her to wear.  Just like she’s pregnant with his monster Force baby he’s forcing her to bear.  The clothes are just one more way in which this man is a controlling monster who is ruining her life.   And, well, Rey decides to draw the line here. 

 

“I’m surprised you are wearing this stuff.” Rey eyes Leia Organa with reproach.   

 

Ben’s mother brushes off this concern.  “Oh, I’m more than happy to waste Snoke’s credits.  I figure I can stay here looking tired, old and plain or I can stay here looking fabulous.  Either way, I’m staying here.  Besides, good clothes give me confidence,” Leia Organa discloses sheepishly. 

 

“You don't lack for confidence.”  Ben’s mother is a very ballsy woman.  In fact, she might be the most confident woman Rey has ever met.

 

“We all struggle for confidence in certain situations.  Don’t be fooled,” the older woman counters wisely.  “You saw me cry this morning, right?   Even I can cry, Rey.”  Alderaan’s last princess raises her chin and looks defiant.  “If I am going to be Snoke’s permanent houseguest, then I will need some confidence.  Especially since I’m going to be meeting with that odious Hux.  That guy makes Tarkin look warm and fuzzy.”

 

“Oh, I don’t think you will have any problem with Hux.”  Hux probably won’t know what hit him, Rey thinks, when Leia Organa opens her mouth.  “And you’re not a guest,” Rey gripes.  She finds this ‘houseguest’ euphemism to be annoying.  “You are a hostage prisoner the same as I am.”

 

“Nonsense,” Leia Organa retorts.  “To be a hostage, Ben would have to care what happens to me.  There is no leverage with a hostage if your adversary could care less if she dies.”

 

“You are a hostage,” Rey repeats stubbornly. 

 

“He ordered no quarter at Crait, remember? I’m not a hostage, Rey.  My son hates me.  Snoke is probably only keeping me around to tick Ben off.” 

 

“Ben doesn’t hate you,” Rey sighs.  It’s far more complicated than that.

 

Leia Organa changes the topic now.   She’s back to talking about confidence.  “My mother Queen Breha used to say that lipstick made everything better.  It took me years to realize that advice had nothing to do with lipstick.  So go on, Rey.  Pick something out.”

 

A fancy dress isn’t going to make Rey feel better and it’s not going to solve her problems.  But Leia Organa doesn’t look ready to back down.  So Rey reluctantly plays along.  “Fine.  You do it.”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say because Leia Organa takes her up on that offer.  She holds a few things up to Rey before she settles on a lavender long sleeved dress with a shallow, wide neck. “Put this on.”  

 

The dress fits loosely, so it’s comfortable enough.   All the fabric swishing around her arms and ankles feels a bit strange.  But it’s doable.  The dress comes with matching flat slippers.  Rey would much prefer boots, but there is nothing nearly so practical among the array of choices.  It’s like Snoke is determined to make her wholly decorative.  It’s yet another way in which fierce Rey of Jakku feels dissed.

 

“There.  Done,” Rey announces as she stuffs her feet into the slippers. 

 

“Not yet,” Ben’s mother decrees.  And soon, Rey is prodded into having her hair and makeup done by the droid as Leia Organa supervises.  This woman has lots of opinions and they are all strongly held.  Whether it’s politics or fashion, Leia Organa knows her mind.  Rey is clueless in these matters, so she lets Ben’s mother have her way in all things.  When they are finished, Rey stares into the mirror.  She doesn’t recognize herself with cosmetics on.  And she doesn’t usually wear her hair down in loose waves like this.   It’s like looking at a stranger.  A beautiful, young, sad stranger.  Suddenly, Rey hates it.  This woman looks like a lie. 

 

The oblivious Leia Organa is very pleased with the end result.  “What do you think?”

 

“General—“

 

“Call me Leia.  I doubt I’m a general any longer.  Not around here at least.”

 

“Leia—”

 

“Yes?”

 

Rey now takes a deep breath and plows forward into the topic they have both been conspicuously avoiding.  “Leia, the baby isn’t Ben’s,” Rey begins.  “Don’t be angry at Ben for this.  It isn’t his fault.”  There are plenty of reasons for Leia Organa to fault her son, but this baby isn’t one of them.  And Rey wants her to know that for his sake.

 

“Is there someone else?” Leia Organa’s eyes pin Rey down.  “Is that what you are saying?”

 

“No!”  Not exactly.  And, stars, this is awkward.  Talking to anyone about sex—let alone your boyfriend’s mother—is super uncomfortable.  But Rey gamely offers her explanation.  “Snoke claims he created this child in the Force.  The same way he created your father in the Force.”

                                                                                       

“I never believed that.”

 

“Ben and I weren’t stupid.”  Mortified Rey looks down and forces out the embarrassing words.  “We took p-precautions.  I got a birth control shot.  But either I am the very small failure rate or Snoke is telling the truth.”

 

Leia Organa’s face hardens.  “I never believed what that old Sith told Luke about our father.  It just didn’t add up and it was way too convenient at the time.  The Sith deceive, Rey.  It’s how they manipulate people.  Watch out for that.”

 

“I don’t know what to believe,” Rey confesses.  And she’s seen the Force do amazing things that she would never have believed had she not witnessed them herself.  So is Snoke’s claim really that preposterous?   Rey isn’t sure.

 

“Could it be Ben’s baby?” Leia asks gently as she reaches to take Rey’s hand.

 

“Yes.  It could.  I h-hope it is.”  At least then this baby would be conceived in love.  Being conjured from Darkness seems so unnatural. Like her child would be cursed from the beginning as a result.  And if Snoke is telling the truth, then maybe that is why the Skywalkers are the way they are.  Because they were never intended to exist in the first place.  “This is like a nightmare,” Rey whispers unhappily.  “Like it can’t possibly be true, but it is.”  She blinks fast under Leia Organa’s steady gaze.  Rey is about to ruin all that meticulously applied eye makeup that she can’t wait to scrub off.

 

“Oh, Rey, I’m sorry,” Leia sighs as she moves to envelope Rey in her arms.  “Welcome to the family.  I hate to say it, but this is pretty much how we are.  I wish I had something to say to cheer you up, but I don’t.”

 

Rey can hear the honesty in those words.  She pulls back and responds with some honesty of her own.  “I don’t want this baby,” Rey speaks out loud what she has been thinking since she heard the news this morning.  “I don’t want it!”  There, she has said it.  And is Leia condemning her for that?  Is she judging her because all women are supposed to want babies?  No, she is not.  Rey sees only pity and understanding in the older woman’s eyes.  Rey starts babbling now, “I wanted a family, but not this family.  I wanted to have parents, not to be a parent.  I wanted a nice man with a decent job and a good heart.  Not Kylo Ren . . . “  Rey is sucking in air now in an effort to keep her composure.  “I don’t want this baby!” she says again with more conviction. 

 

“I understand,” Leia Organa responds softly.  She squeezes Rey’s hand she is still holding.  “I’m sorry, Rey.  I meant what I said this morning.  I hate Snoke.  I hate him for what he has done to my family and to the galaxy.  I tried my best to stop him, and I failed.  And, here I am.”

 

As if on cue, the man himself lumbers slowly through the door to interrupt their heartfelt conversation.  Leia Organa instantly stands and turns to face him.  Her voice is acid.  Her expression is cold. “Well . . . speak of the devil and he appears,” she drawls with a marked lack of enthusiasm.    

 

Old Snoke nods appreciatively at this opening salvo.  His face crinkles into a smile.  “Who knew you were so droll?   I’m going to enjoy having you around, Princess,” he retorts.  Snoke now looks them both over critically.  “Ah, much better.  How lovely you both are.  Here on Naboo, I prefer to surround myself with beauty,” he announces expansively.  “Now, you two look like you belong.”

 

“I would like my uniform back,” Rey speaks up. 

 

“No.  The time for pretending is over,” Snoke informs her.  “You were never a second lieutenant in the First Order.  This is much more appropriate attire.  My Apprentice needs to pine for his lost love kept from him first by the Force, then by war, and now by me.  You are his inducement to good behavior, Rey.  You need to be enticing to be an effective reward.”

 

Leia Organa frowns openly at this manipulation.

 

Rey complains for a completely different reason.  “I feel ridiculous.  I look ridiculous.”

 

“No, child.  You look like a beautiful young woman instead of a noble desert savage.   Be patient, for it may take time for your eye to adjust to the change.  My last wife was much the same. When I took her out of her Jedi homespun, she did not know what to make of it at first.  She had no concept of her allure.  It was part of her charm, actually.”

 

“I pity that woman whoever she was.” From her disdainful tone to her lowered chin and crossed arms, Leia Organa is clearly spoiling for a fight.

 

“Alas, my beloved became one with the Force long before you were born.  I have been a lonely widower ever since.  So be careful,” Snoke chides. “Because if you keep flirting with me like this, I will make you my sixth wife, Princess.”

 

“We’re related, remember?” Ben’s mother snaps back.  “Or, did you forget that lie?”  Her triumphant smirk is an expression Rey has seen before on Ben’s face.  There are a lot of little things about mother and son that are unnervingly similar, Rey sees.   She wonders if Snoke does too.

 

“We are only related in the Force. It is not a blood relation,” Snoke patiently explains as if to a child.  His tone is mocking.  He’s clearly enjoying getting a rise out of his new permanent houseguest.  “Never fear, Princess, there are no impediments to stand in our way.”

 

“Ugh!”  Leia Organa makes a face of recoil.  It’s sort of comical, Rey thinks.

 

Even Snoke laughs out loud.  “I like a woman with spirit and the Force,” he leers.  “And you do have a lot of spunk.”   Hideous, creepy old Snoke looks Leia Organa over again and actually seems to consider the matter seriously.   “You look very nice in blue, my dear.  And you’re cute when you are fiery and righteous like this.”

 

The condescension of ‘cute’ does not go over well.  “Ugh!”   Leia Organa turns away, throwing up her hands.  “You are the worst!”

 

“I try, I try,” the Dark Master smirks as he slowly withdraws from the room.

 

Rey glances over at the still cringing Leia Organa.  “Better you than me,” she decides sourly.  At least this is one problem Rey doesn’t have.

 

Rey grabs her medical gown and stalks back down the hall to her assigned bedroom.  Inside, she drags off the purple dress and deposits it on the floor.  Next, she takes another shower to wash all the makeup and fancy hairdo away.  She’ll be damned if she will cooperate with Snoke.  She will bide her time, Rey decides, and then seize the first chance for escape.  Snoke might be right that he can find her in the Force, but he never found Luke Skywalker in all those years.  And Rey knows why.  She remembers that Luke had cut himself off from the Force, and she vows to do the same.  It’s no great loss, Rey figures.  She lived nineteen years blissfully ignorant of the Force and she did just fine.  Besides, she’s rather disgusted with the Force right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the howls of outrage! But you're here for the drama, right? Never fear, this is not the same ending as Immune to the Light. And there is a point to all of this, I promise. This story is going to end up someplace my others have not. I'm kind of excited about that and I'm hoping I write it right.


	34. Chapter 34

Late that night, the bond opens and Rey suddenly finds herself looking at Ben.  He appears to be on his shuttle.  Ben is surrounded by his men and he’s conferring with an aide who is showing him something on a datapad.

 

Ben senses their connection immediately.  He abruptly brushes the aide back as he yanks off his helmet to step forward to look at her.   They lock eyes for a long, intense moment before Ben speaks.  “Are you alright?”

 

“Ben.”   Rey says his name sort of flatly.  Because she is not up for this conversation right now.   Too much has happened and Rey doesn't feel ready to talk about any of it.  She looks away.  “I’m fine.” 

 

Ben knows her well.  “You’re not fine!” he accuses accurately.  Then he squints at her.  “You’ve been crying.  And that looks like a medical gown.   Are you hurt?   Did he hurt you?”   Ben keeps firing off questions.  “Where are you?  What’s going on?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Did he hurt you?”

 

“No!” she snaps back, feeling annoyed.  This Force bond Snoke claims to have created is very inconvenient.  And it’s what got her into this mess in the first place.  “I said I’m fine!  Go away, Ben.  Look, I’m glad that you’re alive but I can’t do this anymore.”  She raises her hands to her face and her words come out muffled. “I just . . . I can’t . . . ”  She has Skywalker overload right now.

 

As usual, Ben doesn’t take no for an answer. He starts pressing his case. “I have a lot to tell you.  There are things you need to know.  But first, you should know that I didn’t mean any of what I said.”

 

“I know that.  You never mean what you say when you are angry.”  This man is very reckless with emotions and words.  Probably because there is no one left in the universe to call him to account but Snoke.  Normal social boundaries do not apply to Kylo Ren.  This not quite ‘I’m sorry’ is probably a big deal coming from this man, but it doesn’t do much for Rey.  She remembers that room full of dismembered bodies and no apology will fix that.  “Maybe you didn’t mean what you said, but you meant what you did.  Don’t deny it!”

 

“I did it to protect us.” He is defensive.  

 

“You did not!  You did it to protect your position!” Rey hisses.  “That killing spree was about power!”

 

“I did it to protect us!“  Ben is righteous now.  It’s weirdly like his mother.

 

“You can’t protect me,” Rey wails.  “I can’t protect myself either . . . ”   And that is the humiliating crux of the matter.  Rey is a girl who has been protecting herself on her own for years.  She’s outsmarted and outfought rival scavengers, slavers looking for women to sell, random drunks at the Niima Outpost, and even the junk boss Unkar Plutt.  Rey escaped the Starkiller, she took on the Praetorian guards, and she’s taken out her share of enemy fighters in the _Falcon_.  Taking care of herself is part of Rey’s identity.   She’s been doing it for as long as she can remember.  But this isn’t Jakku or the Resistance.  This is Snoke.  And with Snoke, Rey feels powerless.  Vulnerable.  Victimized.

 

“There is good news.   Hux won’t be staging a coup.  Snoke is going to let me rule. He’s going ahead with the peace deal too,” Ben reports with clear relief.

 

“That’s great . . . for you.”  Ben is talking about who rules the galaxy while she’s Snoke’s prisoner, alone and pregnant with some monster Force child.  But those are the priorities when you’re a Skywalker, Rey knows.   And this sort of selfish singlemindedness is so typical of Ben.  Hell, maybe it’s typical of the Skywalkers generally.  Their obsession with ambition leaves little room for the concerns of others.  It’s why Ben’s violence is so casual and quick, Rey suspects.  His ends always justify his means because what he wants is what matters most.   Ben might be well intentioned towards her, but his attitude is disconcertingly like Snoke.  At that realization, Rey feels tears well up again. 

 

Ben seems oblivious to her distress.  “Snoke is going for it.  Everything you negotiated stays in place.  I’m still Supreme Leader--“

 

“Yes, you get everything you ever wanted,” Rey interrupts bitterly.  “I hope it makes you happy.”   Not likely, Rey thinks as she wipes at her tears.   She has yet to meet a happy Skywalker. 

 

Ben looks puzzled at her reaction.  “Me?  No, this is for us.  Rey, this is for us!  We were doing this together.”  He furrows his brow at her.  “Nothing has changed for me.  I love you!  Didn’t my mother tell you that?”

 

“Yeah, she did.”  But it doesn’t matter.  In fact, hearing those words again just makes Rey feel worse.  Because whatever slim hope she and Ben had for the future is gone now.   It was never going to work anyway, Rey knows.  But still, it hurts.  She sighs and looks down.  “Look, can we do this some other time?  I don’t really want to talk right now.”

 

“No.  No, we can’t.”  Ben digs in his heels and gets a stubborn look on his face.  “What’s going on?  Is my mother there?  Is that the problem?”

 

Rey shakes her head no.  “She’s not here now, but she is here with Snoke.  Your mother is fine.”  Rey knows he will be worried about this even if he would never admit to it.  “He didn’t hurt her.   She’s supposed to be some sort of permanent prisoner houseguest.”

 

“That sounds like him.”

 

“Yeah?  Well, your mother is telling Snoke off every chance she gets.”

 

“That sounds like her.  I bet he likes that.  He’s weird about my mother.  What about you?  Did he hurt you?  Tell me why you needed medical help.  Why are you wearing that?”

 

“I’m fine.  Go away, Ben.  Just, go away, please . . .”  Despite all that has happened, nothing about the way Rey feels has changed since she left Ben.  What happened in the _Finalizer_ conference room still happened.  Ben might not be Snoke now, but perhaps it’s just a matter of time and degree before he reaches that level of Darkness.  And Rey can’t be with a man like that.  She makes a face and looks away.  “This is over.  The peace deal is done.  We’re through.  I’d like to be alone now--”

 

“I can’t go away and you know that!  I can’t control the bond any more than you can.  And we are not over!  Stop talking like that!” he commands.  “Let’s just skip the blame and move forward.”

 

“We never should have been together,” Rey sighs.  They knew it, too.  They were enemies on opposite sides of the Force and a civil war.  Of course, they were headed for heartache.  “It was foolish—“

 

“You’re still mad?  That’s what this is about, right?  You’re still mad about Hux’s guys?” Ben looks hurt.  Like she has chosen them over him.  And maybe that’s how he sees it, since power is a zero-sum game.  Ben’s hurt quickly turns to anger.  “I told you that I did that for us!  And, I said I’m sorry so why are you still mad??”   He’s mad that he thinks she’s mad and that’s very Ben.  The man has a hair trigger temper.  It’s childish, Rey thinks, and very self-centered.  Very Skywalker. 

 

Well, she’s over it.  Rey has more important things to worry her than Ben’s feelings right now.  The man-child of the First Order can be emotionally exhausting on an average day, beguiling though he may be.  Rey wants a clean break.  With Ben and hopefully with the rest of his clan once she escapes and decides what to do about this baby.  “You and I were a mistake.  It’s over.  I meant what I said on the _Finalizer_.  Nothing has changed between us.”

 

“But we love each other!”

 

Yes, they do.  And that is the heartbreak of it all.  Rey had no sooner found someone to love and to love her back than it had all fallen apart thanks to Ben’s violence and Snoke’s manipulations.  But Rey of Jakku is a realist.  She’s not sentimental so she won’t be fixated on what might have been.  She’s worried about other, bigger problems now.

 

“We love each other!” Ben repeats, looking like a stubborn, whining child. 

 

“That’s not enough!  Love is not enough,” Rey snaps, fighting back more tears.   And this is so disappointing.  For on the holonet, love conquers all, love always finds a way, and love endures despite all odds.  But in real life, the war and politics were tearing them apart even before Snoke appeared on the scene.  And now, this love feels impossible.  She is a pawn and Snoke will use that to his advantage against Ben.  And one day, the baby she doesn't want will be born and grow up to be a new Ben. Maybe a rival Ben.  And Rey, if she’s still alive, will be caught in the middle.  “This love will only destroy us in the long run,” she realizes.   Rey takes a deep breath and says it again.  “This is over.  Walk away for your own sake.  Find someone else to make you happy.  Please, I want you to be happy.  So move on.”  Rey forces herself to say these last words. 

 

Her sincerity sinks in and now Ben looks scared.  Really scared.  He explodes.  “It is not over!  It will never be over!   You don’t get to dump me!  Who the fuck do you think you are??”  His chest is heaving and his eyes glitter with anger and it’s classic Kylo Ren until Ben gets ahold of himself.  He abruptly switches tactics and reverts to apologies.   This man’s lightning fast mood swings are dizzying.  “Look, I’m sorry that I let you down.  I know you don’t like everything I do. But take the good with the bad and see the bigger picture—"

 

“You are too Dark!” Rey complains.   “It’s not just the things you do, it’s who you are and it’s not going to change.   Not as long as you rule the galaxy.  Not as long as you are the Apprentice to Snoke.”   Rey takes in a deep, ragged voice and repeats, “Ben, it’s over.  Even if I wanted this, Snoke would never allow it.  Not now.   He won’t waste his leverage by letting us be together.  I’m a hostage now.”

 

Ben has no rejoinder to this.  He knows as well as she does that she is a tool for Snoke to keep control of him. 

 

“As long as Snoke is alive, we will be apart.  We will be talking through the bond like this every few days driving ourselves mad.”  If Snoke doesn’t sever the bond, that is.   “Continuing this just plays into his hands, don’t you see?”

 

Ben nods reluctantly.  He tries to be positive, but even he doesn't seem to believe it.  “In time, things may change. Don’t give up on us.”   His words are halfhearted at best.  More wishful than confident.  “Please,” he adds, looking distressed.  “Don’t give up on me.”

 

“Our chance is gone, Ben.”  Miserable Rey now starts to explain why.  She’s always been direct and in this news she is no different.  “I’m pregnant.”

 

“Preg— Wait—you’re pregnant??   Oh, fuck!  Are you sure?”  The horrified expression on Ben’s face says it all.  And this is his reaction to the news while thinking it’s his own kid.  Things are starting bad and Rey knows this conversation will only go downhill from here.  “Are you sure?  Like really sure?” he stammers.

 

“Yes.  I’m pregnant.  I just found out today.  That’s why I’m in the medical gown.”

 

“Snoke knows,” Ben surmises grimly.  His already pale face whitens further at this news.  Ben works his jaw in way that subtlety betrays just how rattled he is made by her news.  And she hasn’t even gotten to the punchline yet.  Because this is no ordinary unplanned pregnancy for a young unmarried couple.  This is a half-brother to Ben’s grandfather.  “Snoke knows, right??”  Ben is searching her face for confirmation.  He’s making no pretense of being overjoyed at this news.

 

Rey nods.  “Snoke sensed it in the Force when I saw him.”

 

“If he didn’t know already.  Fuck!”  Ben hurls his helmet hard at some wall and Rey hears it clang and thud.  In the background, she sees his men skitter out of the way.  No doubt they have seen these temper tantrums before.  “This isn’t good,” Ben growls.  “Fuck!  This is not good,” he rages.

 

“There’s more—“  Rey insists, trying to get a word in edgewise before Ben finally explodes.  She can already see that his shoulders are heaving and his fists are clenched.  Those are bad signs.  “Ben—"

 

“It’s okay.  This will be okay.”  Is Ben saying that to comfort her or himself?   Maybe it’s to comfort both of them.  “Rey, I will take care of you and the baby.  We’ll get married and it will be okay.  This will all be okay.“

 

“It is not okay!” Rey shouts.   “Shut up and listen to me!  Ben, the baby isn’t yours—“

 

“Isn’t--  What??  What are you saying?  What the fuck, Rey?”  His long, angular face is hard and ugly as it contorts in disbelief.   He looks so wounded.  “You owe me an explanation.  NOW!” Ben roars.  But before she can speak up, he’s already begun making threats.  “I am going kill the man you cheated with and I will kill him slowly.  You will watch and listen to him die!"

 

“Shut up!  Listen to me!”  Rey is now just as agitated as he is.  “I didn’t cheat on you!  Snoke said he created the child in the Force like he did your grandfather.”

 

“You know about that?”

 

“Yes!  Snoke said he did it again to me.  That’s why the birth control shot didn’t work.  This isn’t a normal baby.”  It’s another Darth Vader conceived in the Force and steeped in Darkness before it gestates in the womb of an unsuspecting woman allied with the Light.  A child born of the Force and influenced by both sides to be the ultimate Chosen One.

 

Ben looks stunned.  She’s seen this look on his face only once before.  It was in the Starkiller woods when she had called Anakin Skywalker’s saber to her hand out from under Ben’s Force pull.  Finally, he finds his voice.  “He did this to you . . .   Why?”

 

“For power!  What else!” Rey throws up her hands.  Because isn’t it obvious?  Why does Snoke do anything?  He might not call himself a Sith, but his motivations sure seem Sith.

 

“It’s another Vader,” Ben breathes out.  “He always wanted another Vader.  That was supposed to me!”  Ben howls.  His eyes narrow.  “He’s lying!”

 

“Lying?” Rey echoes.  “What makes you think that?”

 

“Snoke is too weak to create life in the Force now,” Ben reasons.  “There’s no way he had the power to do that after we killed him.  He created my grandfather decades ago before he became the mangled wreck he is now thanks to Sidious.  Rey, part of Snoke’s power goes just to keep himself alive.  He was projecting in the Force when I saw him just a few days ago.  He didn’t even have a body back.”

 

“Yeah, well, he does now,” Rey shoots back.  “He’s got a whole medical setup here and he’s up and walking around with a cane.  But otherwise, he looks the same.”

 

“It’s a lie!  I’m sure of it,” Ben contends.  “He’s bluffing.  Posturing like this is an old Sith tactic.  Once you impress your adversary with your power and he fears you, then he will believe you have even more power.  That’s how it works.  You establish your power and then create the illusion of more power.  When others believe it, the illusion becomes true.”

 

Rey is unconvinced.  “I don’t know—”

 

“The Sith did this all the time, fucking with people’s perceptions of reality.   Sidious was masterful at the strategic lie.  He controlled all sorts of people just by getting them to believe that he could control them.”  Ben’s face settles into a scowl.  “No doubt Sidious learned that from old Master Plagueis himself.”

 

“I don’t think it’s a lie,” Rey admits.  “It sort of feels true.  But I don’t know for sure.”  She had been so thrown by the news that she hadn’t been focused on doubting it at the time.

 

“Rey, if he did this to you—”  Ben is seething now.  “If he did this, I’m going to kill him!”

 

“You can’t kill him!”  They tried that once.  And Rey doubts they will get a second chance at it.  Besides, what’s the point of killing a guy who can’t die?

 

“I’m coming to get you,” Ben decides.  “Are you on Naboo or in the Outlying Regions?”

 

“We’re on Naboo.  But, Ben, don’t come!” Rey is alarmed at this prospect.  “You’ll only get yourself killed for nothing.”

 

“You are not nothing!” Ben roars.  “Our love matters!  He will not take you from me!  And that’s my kid—I’m sure of it!”

 

“Stop this!  He’s probably listening in right now.   Ben, you’re going to get yourself killed—" 

 

“He’s not going to kill me.  I killed him once and I’m still alive.   He needs me.”

 

“Are you sure about that?” Rey counters.   “You might want to reconsider since apparently, I’m pregnant with your replacement.  Ben, he’s got the galaxy already so the hard work is done.  He doesn’t need you the same as he did before when your uncle was alive and there was a war with your mother going on.”

 

“That kid isn’t even born.  He needs me,” Ben decides. 

 

“He has Hux.”

 

That statement gets his attention.  Rey sees the flash of doubt across Ben’s features.  She seizes on this opportunity to walk through the grim scenario she’s been mulling over for hours now.  “Don’t you see?  Snoke is never going to let me go.  Whether the baby is yours or not, he will want the baby.   And once he’s born, I’ll be a dead woman.  Snoke won’t want me around in the picture to complicate things.  All he cares about is the Force and your family.”  Rey knows that she is just more collateral damage.   She’s just another means to an end.  A tool for power. 

 

“That’s why you need to get free of him.  I’m coming for you—"

 

“No!  This isn’t going to help me!  You will only make it worse!  This is not going to go the way you think."  And, it might make things harder for Rey to escape on her own.  Rey would tell Ben her plans except who knows if Snoke is listening in.  He claims to have created this Force bond, so perhaps he controls it.  “Ben, let me handle this.”

 

“Yeah, how?” he demands.

 

“I got out of the Starkiller, didn’t I?  I’ll find a way.”

 

 “Look, we’ll do this together.  Have you got your sword?”

 

“Of course not!”

 

“Fine, I’ll bring a weapon for you.  But I’m coming for you,” Ben promises.  He’s not taking no for an answer.  It’s typical overbearing Ben.  “Once you are free and safe, we will figure all this out.  I am not abandoning you and my kid to Snoke.”

 

“Stop!  This is playing right into his hands!  The smart play here is to walk away.  He has no leverage then.”

 

“I’m not leaving you there.  My father walked away, but I won’t.  Do you hear me?  I am not Han Solo!”

 

Rey is feeling frantic now as she senses the bond about to close.  “Ben, cool down, stop and think!  Don’t do anything rash.” 

 

But his mind is made up.  Ben’s voice is final as he announces, “He’s lying.  That kid is mine. You are mine and I am coming for you.  Be ready.”

 

“Oh, Ben, please don’t do this—”

 

“I have to do this,” he snaps back.  “Be ready.”

 

Then, the bond abruptly shuts off. 


	35. Chapter 35

Once Kylo returns to the _Finalizer_ to drop off his men, he sits with Vader's mask a few minutes. He wants his grandfather's blessing before he leaves for Naboo. Vader would understand how much Rey means to him. Vader would understand why he is taking this seemingly foolish risk. For long ago, a very young Darth Vader had wanted to rule the galaxy with his love at his side. If only his Senator-Queen grandmother had said yes. What a power couple his grandparents would have been, Kylo thinks. And then, history might have veered along a completely different path. But his grandmother had turned Vader down and the chance was lost.

Rey had turned him down the first time too, Kylo remembers. First, he had offered to teach her the ways of the Force on the Starkiller. Then, he had offered her the galaxy on the _Supremacy_. It had taken a lot of lobbying, but for a time Rey had agreed. He and Rey didn't make any progress balancing the Force, but they had made significant progress towards peace. In a few short months, he and Rey managed to move the First Order a little bit to the center by making big concessions to democracy. And, hopefully, the galaxy will skew a bit less Dark going forward as a result.

That was Rey's remarkable impact for others. But Rey's impact on him alone was even more. How can Kylo describe the comfort of coming home to someone after so many years spent living alone? It was relaxing just to have someone to gripe to and laugh with and bicker over things at the end of the day. Kylo has long had a Master, but that relationship is far from a friend. Rey is his first true friend. She had been a colleague too. But unlike Hux and Canady and the rest, Rey is an equal not a rival or a subordinate. Rey doesn't fear him and she doesn't cower or acquiesce. In fact, she talks back and argues her side quite a bit. Kylo likes how they are collaborative, both working for a shared vision of the future. They come at problems from skew perspectives, but they bridge their differences for their common goals of peace and balance. Force-users are always agents of change, but this time he and Rey are making change without crossing swords. No one has ever done that before. And sure, there are rocky moments. But on the whole, it works.

What began as a political alliance quickly evolved into more. He and Rey were two longtime loners thrown together. They were each intense and awkward at intimacy, but needy all the same. Their connection had blossomed from friends to lovers in record time. From that first afternoon on Mustafar onwards, Rey had been nightly in his arms naked in his bed. Sweaty and quaking under him, then on him, every which way they could. He and Rey were novice lovers discovering sex together again and again. Everything had been primed for romance and neither of them had pushed back. Plus, it had felt so effortless. Falling in love had been shockingly easy. It was almost like an accident.

His love for Rey is the best, worst thing in his life. For now, Kylo is utterly controlled by it. Wily old Snoke had used a time-honored tactic of the Sith: find your adversary's weakness and exploit it. And Kylo's weakness is Rey. Forever Rey.

The baby? Well, not so much. The baby news is troubling on multiple levels. But foremost, because Kylo remembers well his vision of Rey pregnant on Jakku. More and more, Kylo worries that his vision could come true. For the Force never lies, even if it can be misunderstood. But still . . . always in motion the future is. So who knows what will occur? That bleak vision is just one more reason to free Rey from Snoke as far as he's concerned. This baby will take some getting used to, but Kylo thinks he will come around to the idea in time. And whether that's his kid or not, Kylo is prepared to deal with it for Rey's sake. But still . . . he really, really hopes Rey is not carrying his great uncle in the Force.

Kylo is aware that his Master is manipulating him. But still, Rey is his and he wants her back. Kylo Ren is a disciple of Darkness, and that makes him possessive, a little obsessive, and very aggressive. Altogether those traits combine and he flatly refuses to leave Rey a captive at the mercy of Snoke. This is why the Sith of old tended to keep their wives and families a secret. Loved ones like Rey were obvious targets for blackmail and revenge. And so, they were kept locked away for their own protection.

But where to hide Rey? Kylo wants her back with him at the First Order or maybe tucked away on Mustafar where she will be safe. But if things go crosswise with Snoke and those places aren't an option, then Kylo will think of something else. No doubt, Rey will have a few ideas of her own. His girl speaks her mind and, truthfully, he likes that. He's open to her suggestions so long as it's not Jakku. But first things first. He has to get Rey back.

On the _Finalizer_ , Kylo dismisses his staff. He takes only a pilot with him on the flight to Naboo. We're picking up a girl from Snoke's compound and things might get dicey, Kylo explains. Keep the ship idling and ready to leave. Keep the weapons primed because we might have to shoot our way out. But you are the Supreme Leader, Sir. The pilot is confused. He, like most of the First Order, thinks Snoke is dead and Kylo is in charge now. If this is a fight, shouldn't we take some troopers, Sir? No, Kylo answers soberly, troopers won't help. This is personal. There is no way to sneak in and out to avoid a confrontation with Snoke.

Confronting Snoke isn't going to be easy. And, honestly, the closer Kylo gets to the showdown, the more terrifying it seems. Can he get away with killing his Master a second time? It won't be permanent, of course, but it will buy Kylo a chance to whisk Rey away. He's betting that old Snoke's powers are still somewhat dimmed and that will tip the fight in favor of him. Kylo is also betting that the Force is with him in this. For the Force ought to favor the one seeking balance as his goal. And, well, he has love on his side too for whatever that counts.

Maybe, Kylo plots, this second killing will shoo his Master back to the Unknown Regions where he can skulk while Kylo and Rey rule the new Empire the way Sidious had ruled the old one. He and Rey will get married and raise their kid and balance the Force in their spare time. And then, finally, his family will get the happily ever after that has been perpetually out of their grasp.

That rosy scenario is perfect, but Kylo firmly pushes those daydreams out of his mind. He spends the entire flight to Naboo in meditation to bolster his Darkness. He ruminates on his anger to stoke his power. He fixates on his resentment and fear. Dark power is fueled by strong emotions and so Kylo wants to be nearly overcome with rage when he lands. But he is careful to keep himself just shy of losing control. Kylo will not allow himself to become unbalanced like he was on the Starkiller. Darkness is the means and not the end, Kylo reminds himself. He's no self-destructive Sith who will let his power consume him. He won't allow himself to play into Snoke's hands. By the time the shuttle descends to the compound, Kylo is focused and ready to fight.

Bring it on, Master, he thinks.

Milo awaits him on the landing pad as usual. This meeting is unplanned but it's not a surprise. "Supreme Leader." The old man bows low to Kylo and greets him with his new title. Snoke's centuries old manservant is a stickler for the formalities. He is one part genial majordomo, one part sly henchman, and one part loyal confidante to old Snoke.

"You can dispense with the pleasantries. Where is he?" Kylo demands grimly as he keeps walking past.

Spry old Milo hurries to keep up. "On the back lawn."

"Is he alone?"

"He is with General Hux and Lady Vader."

Hux. That guy is everywhere these days. And his mother too? Great. Just great. Kylo is not keen on having witnesses to this fight, but so be it. Because this is happening. Now.

"Lady Vader?" Kylo turns a questioning eyebrow at Milo. "Interesting choice." His mother probably hates being called that. "Where is Rey?"

"I believe Miss Rey spent the morning wandering the grounds to inspect our defenses. The Master let her have a good look around before he summoned her back. She is with him now."

"At least that will make things efficient," Kylo sighs. He's been counting the guards as they go and he's already up to twelve. But these are troopers and not Praetorians, so twelve is very doable.

"She seems a lovely girl," Milo offers his opinion. "Wherever did you meet her?"

"I captured her. She had the Resistance droid with the map to Skywalker." That seems so long ago now, Kylo thinks. Up ahead, he spies another pair of guards. He's up to sixteen now and they haven't even made it to the main house. If he succeeds in killing Snoke, it will be a melee for sure.

"Rey had the map to the Jedi?" Milo chuckles at this. "Ah, then it was the Force at work. I might have guessed. Miss Rey seems quite nice, given allowances for the circumstances."

Kylo smirks. "Does that mean she's not as bad as my mother?"

"We are all a little in awe of the Lady Vader," Milo answers diplomatically.

"You mean you hate her," Kylo corrects.

"She is our guest."

"I'll take that as a yes. How bad are things around here?" he wonders aloud.

"The ladies are still settling in," Milo neatly sidesteps the question. This old guy is a master of the non-answer answer. "Truthfully, I haven't seen the Master this happy in years," Milo discloses. It's a rare moment of candor. "The Master was very pleased at your assassination attempt. Congratulations, my boy. Well done. The Master is nearly fully recovered too. A win-win for all." And only a man who has served a Sith Master could make that comment. But if any layperson knows the twisted, toxic conventions of Darkness, it is ancient Milo.

"So he's in a good mood?"

"Yes. The company helps. He was getting bored during his convalescence."

"Anything new around here? It all looks the same." Kylo spots yet another pair of guards in the distance in the orchard. They are on speeder bikes, he notes. And that just upped the degree of difficulty for an escape.

"Everything is as it has been."

"Good. Then I know where to go." Kylo stops walking now and turns to the older man. He's always liked Milo. Though he serves a Dark master, the man is exceedingly kind. "Stay out of the way, Milo. I don't want you getting hurt."

The older man nods gravely. No doubt he knows why Kylo is here. Milo knows pretty much everything, though he is very discreet about it. "Yes, Supreme Leader. Anything else?"

"Can you lower the shield gate for me on the way out?" Kylo asks. He's half serious.

"No, Supreme Leader." Milo is loyal through and through, Snoke's man to the core. "Do endeavor not to get yourself killed." The old man fixes Kylo with a stern look. "Things are going so well now. Your training is complete, he has the galaxy again, and what remains of the family is reunited. He has waited many long years for this. I'm not sure you appreciate how much this means to him."

"This isn't about the First Order or the Skywalkers. This is about Rey," Kylo growls as he resumes stalking toward the back lawn. "Now go in the house and stay out of the crossfire. That's an order, Milo."

But the old guy will not be waved off. "Never fear. He can raise me from the dead if need be."

"Yes, but I can't," Kylo points out.

Milo gives him another pleading look. "Are you sure you wish to do this?"

"I know what I have to do," Kylo mutters as he picks up the pace. "Now, go in the house."

Kylo summons the Force and musters his courage, reminding himself that this is for Rey. As he storms up to where Snoke is holding court, Kylo finds his mother bickering with Army Hux about Senate procedure. His Master looks on like a moderator on a holonet current events news show. It's so bizarre, it's surreal.

Where is Rey? There she is, standing several meters off to side away from the seated group. Rey is turned away, but he would know that distinctive trio of hair buns anywhere. They make for an incongruous look with her elegant lavender gown. Knowing Rey, she must hate that dress.

Rey whirls as she senses his approach. "Ben!" Her stage whisper carries. Everyone in attendance follows her gaze to him.

"Apprentice," Snoke's tone conveys his displeasure. "I told you to remain on the command ship. But surprise, surprise . . . here you are." Snoke gestures a dismissive hand his direction. "Kneel to me and depart. I will summon you when I wish your attendance."

"Your powers are weak, old man!" Kylo jeers in response as he plants his feet. He's not leaving without Rey. "You are going to die again today."

Hux launches to his feet and reaches for his gun, but Snoke waves him off. His Master is unperturbed by these fighting words. "Do not be emboldened by completing your training," Snoke warns. "Kylo Ren, I will not let you win again."

That's enough talking. Kylo answers with lightning. A lot of lightning. Hux and his mother leap back. And thus begins a contest of power repeated over and over in the Dark tradition for millennia. For it is a time-honored rite of passage for a disgruntled Apprentice to take the bold kill-or-be-killed risk of slaying his tyrant Master.

Force lightning is the most powerful manifestation of the Dark Side. It streaks fast and burns deep in ways the eye cannot see. But Snoke deflects Kylo's lightning with a casual flick of one hand. His Master has the gall to look slightly bored about it. Like he wants to roll his eyes but is suppressing the urge.

"Your mother did that earlier, did you know? She shot lightning at me when she arrived."

Really? Ben turns surprised eyes on Leia Organa and she squirms under this gaze. "It was an accident," she mutters.

Snoke grunts. "There are no accidents in the Force, just like there is no such thing as luck." His Master looks Kylo over with a marked lack of enthusiasm. "Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any for a family reunion. Apprentice, you must be here because you have heard the good news. Soon, we will welcome another Skywalker. Go congratulate our expectant mother Rey."

Snoke's smug look irritates the Hell out of Kylo. Again, he shoots a blast of lightning that his Master deflects. Kylo seethes. "You're a dead man!"

"Yes, I am," Snoke says proudly. "And here you are back to try again? You always were a slow learner," his Master complains. "And stubborn. Very stubborn. Like the rest of our clan."

Kylo produces a blaster from his surcoat and lobs it straight at Rey. "Run. Get on my ship. Take off." She doesn't have to be told twice. Gathering her fancy dress up in one hand, Rey begins a sprint.

She doesn't get more than a few steps before Snoke freezes her in the Force, lifting her high like he had on the _Supremacy_. "She is not free to leave," his Master says coolly. "You were the one I dismissed, Apprentice."

"Put her down. Now!" It's Leia Organa inserting herself.

Snoke turns to Hux. "General, escort the princess inside to continue our discussion on quorum. I will join you both shortly."

But his mother is having none of it. Leia Organa stands to her full unimpressive height and glares first at Snoke and next at Hux. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere. I know why Ben is here and for once I agree with him!" His mother gives Kylo an approving nod before she ruins it. "This might be the only smart decision he's ever made."

Kylo ignores his mother and keeps his focus on Snoke and Rey. It's irritating how much Snoke seems to be enjoying this scene. It's even more irritating how unconcerned he looks. Really, the man doesn't even have the good grace to look appropriately threatened.

His mother keeps going, of course. Leia Organa never knows when to stop. "She's too good for you and I don't know what she sees in you, but Rey is the best thing that you have done in years, Ben."

"Mom," Kylo complains as he endeavors to break Snoke's Force hold. "Shut up and help."

Bored Snoke is growing impatient now. "Apprentice, stand down. Rey will not be harmed. There is no cause for alarm."

"I'm taking Rey!" Kylo hollers back. "Can I get a little help here, Mom?"

Leia Organa is flustered. "What do I do? You know I never trained in the Force. This only works when I am in extreme danger. And then I don't have to think about it. It just happens."

"Really?" Snoke's interest is piqued. "Tell me more, Princess." Snoke is the ultimate Force nerd. Always looking for tidbits to better understand the power of the universe.

"Ignore him," Kylo orders curtly. "Focus on Rey. Just get angry and think her down."

His mother looks skeptical, but she lifts a hand and tries. She falters at first and then concentrates again. And wow, does Kylo feel it when his mother's power kicks in. Who knew the old gal had so much Force?

Her attempt brings a wide grin to Snoke's gargoyle face. "Yes, good. Gooood. Let the hate flow through you, Princess," he purrs.

As usual, Snoke doesn't have to be direct to get his way. "Oh! Oh, wait a minute." His mother gets cold feet and ceases her efforts immediately.

Snoke now starts laughing out loud. He sounds like he's having fun. He loves fucking with people, Kylo knows.

That spurs his mother to try again. And now, thanks to two angry Skywalkers, struggling Rey comes crashing down as together they break Snoke's Force hold. Luckily, Rey lands on the soft grassy lawn. She lays there a moment with the wind knocked out of her. Leia Organa starts scrambling over to assist but is hampered by her long cloak. Still, his mother is determined in this, as in all things. So Snoke takes the opportunity to zap his mother lightly with lightning. It sends her crashing down with a surprised, very indignant shriek.

"Hey!" Kylo objects, lighting his sword. That's his mother, after all. He advances on his Master, calling out, "Both of you get to the ship and take off!" He'll get both his mother and Rey free of Snoke. Today, he will rob his Master of all leverage over himself.

"Oh, so now you are stealing all my women?" Snoke objects, sounding more like a Hutt than a former Jedi, former Sith. "Bold of you, boy."

"I'm not your woman!" his mother snaps.

"I'm not your boy," Kylo growls.

"Can we go?" Rey finds her voice. She's on her feet again now and she's got the gun.

"See what happens?" Snoke drawls lazily. "I let you kill me once and you get delusions of grandeur. You are my Apprentice. My forever Apprentice. I will tolerate a little spirit here and there, but I will not tolerate disobedience." And now, Kylo is the one to get nailed with lightning. This time, it is full strength and it knocks the sword from his hand. Gleefully, his Master fries him again and again as Kylo ends up writhing on the garden path. Through the haze of pain, he sees that neither his mother nor Rey has fled. They are both standing there gaping in horror at his torment.

And that's defeating the whole point of his diversion, Kylo thinks. These are savvy women who have been in combat before. Why are they so slow on the uptake now? This is their chance to run. But instead, Rey starts firing at his Master. And that only provokes Snoke to snatch away her weapon with the Force.

"Reconsider, Kylo Ren." His Master lets up momentarily on his torture.

"Fine," Kylo pants out. "You can keep my mother." Those two deserve each other, Kylo thinks. Then, he nails Snoke with some lightning of his own that his surprised Master fails to deflect.

The wildcard in all of this is Hux. But the spiteful general asserts himself now. "Freeze this blaster bolt, Ren." Kylo looks over to find Hux with an arm around his petite mother's neck and a blaster pointed at her forehead.

Fuck. Hux isn't bluffing. Kylo ceases and catches Rey's frantic eyes. They exchange a worried look.

"Ah, General." Snoke staggers to his feet. He's huffing a bit and that is gratifying to see. "You always come through in a pinch. Such a cool head in a crisis," Snoke commends.

"Rey, get to the ship!" Kylo orders. He will save Rey at least.

But, as usual, she has a mind of her own. Rey is torn looking at his mother. "But-"

"Leave her! Get to the ship."

Snoke seizes the upper hand. "General, shoot the princess if Rey runs."

"Rey, get to the ship!" Kylo orders again. He too now staggers to his feet.

"This is some rescue," his mother gripes. As always, she is quick with criticism. "When you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?" But, thankfully, his mother sides with him, telling Rey, "Well, go ahead. Run."

Snoke is impressed with this coolheaded command. "Princess, I like you more and more each day," he approves. Then, he turns back to Kylo. "This is why it's best to have multiple hostages. Take a lesson here, Apprentice. Even Hux can't miss the shot from this range."

"I'm surprised he has the courage to take the responsibility himself," Leia Organa snaps. There is no love lost between her and Hux.

"He killed a planet. He can kill you," Snoke counters. His Master looks as exasperated now as his mother does, Kylo sees. "Now, then, can we call this a draw? There is work to be done."

Hell, no. "I'm going to kill you!" Kylo boasts again. But it's mostly talk, as all can see. He doesn't even have his sword. It's lying over on the grass. He's tried to call it to his hand twice now, but it won't budge. Thanks, no doubt, to Snoke.

"You are going to kill me over a woman? Really?" His Master mocks him. "How you disappoint me, Apprentice. Power is worth dying for. Nothing else. No one dies for love except in fairytales."

"She is power," fried and hurting Kylo growls through gritted teeth. "Together, we are going to balance the Force!"

"You are a Chosen One," Snoke reminds him. "You don't need her to bring balance to the Force. You can do that yourself. Tell me, is she even worth it? Is Rey worth dying for?"

Kylo glances over at his very tense looking girl with the goofy hair and the fancy dress. "Yes." Rey is worth this. Absolutely. For in the wake of Rey, somehow all the Dark glory of ruling the galaxy as the Supreme Leader Apprentice seems a sad consolation prize. It's all a lot less satisfying now that Kylo has known love. He refuses to go back to being alone.

"Oh, you are a Skywalker through and through," Snoke sneers. These words drip with contempt. "Love was the undoing of your grandfather as well. Careful, Apprentice, that you do not emulate Lord Vader's predilection for sentiment. It had disastrous consequences. Now yield!" Snoke hisses. He's losing patience fast.

With a burst of effort, Kylo musters some more lightning of his own in response. For a long moment, it is a contest of wills as his Dark power meets his Master's Dark power in a fight for dominance. Blue fire meets blue fire and explodes sending sparks showering everywhere to dissipate.

His mother and Rey look on in open mouthed wonder. Even Hux looks impressed. And why the Hell doesn't Rey run? Now's her chance when Hux is distracted.

It goes on for a seemingly endless minute before Snoke prevails as Kylo fades fast. Lightning requires a lot of effort Kylo doesn't currently have.

"You can't kill me. Try again in ten years," Snoke jeers. "You are wasting my time now. You are not even a credible threat yet." And here comes more punishment, Kylo knows from experience. His Master glances over at him with withering contempt before he begins shooting lightning again. It's full strength and then some. If old Snoke lost power from reviving himself in the Force, it sure doesn't show. His stamina is incredible.

As the beaten Kylo writhes in agony from the full, focused power of the Dark Side, Kylo hopes Rey will understand that he did this for her. Well, yeah, he did it for himself too. But it was mostly for Rey.

"Yield, Apprentice!" Snoke commands. "Concede defeat. Concede the girl to me."

"No, Master," Kylo groans through his pain. He's not about to relinquish Rey to Snoke. Fuck old Snoke. Kylo Ren is a proud man and he knew the risks when he stormed in here. Maybe he should be scared, but strangely he isn't. At least he will die by the Force with some dignity. Thankfully, no one is throwing him down a reactor shaft.

"Yield, Apprentice!" Snoke again offers clemency. "You are beaten. It is useless to resist."

"Ben, yield!" his mother wails. "Don't be stubborn! You were always so stubborn," she complains. "Stop being so stubborn and give in!" Then Leia Organa glares at Hux who still has a gun to her head.

Rey now joins in too. "Stop! Please stop! You're killing him!" Her face is very scared. "Stop!"

Kylo lays there a man thoroughly beaten as Snoke finally lets up. His body is burned and blistered on the inside worse than ever before. But he's alive. And defiant still. "Rey is mine!" Kylo vows. "You will not take her from me!"

"So possessive. That's very Sith of you," Snoke observes dryly. He still seems to be enjoying this whole scene. He's in a jolly good mood for a man shooting Force lightning. "Apprentice, I knew that your growing Darkness would give rise to powerful Light. I thought it would flush out Skywalker for us to kill. But instead, it flushed out young Rey. And, oh, the possibilities! Now, I could make a new Chosen One the old-fashioned way, mating Light with Dark. There was an immediate attraction-do not bother to deny it. And so, I bridged your minds and hoped for things to take their natural course. They did," he practically coos. "Light was full of compassion and came charging in to save your lost Dark soul. And Darkness, when put to the test made the selfish choice to claim the power and claim the Light for himself. You both played your roles perfectly. Well done, children," Snoke approves.

"So the baby is Kylo's . . ." Rey breathes aloud in obvious relief.

"No. The child was created in the Force by me," Snoke shoots her down. He shrugs slightly. "I just couldn't resist."

"Liar!" Kylo accuses. "That kid is mine! Admit it—you lied!"

Snoke frowns at this disrespect and raises his hands again. And that's when Rey acts. She hurls herself atop Kylo to take the brunt of Snoke's next lightning shot. "NO!" she shouts, with an arm upraised to repel the anticipated onslaught.

Immediately, Snoke stops.

"Ben, what are you doing? Think, you idiot!" Outraged Rey now gives him a life lesson from Jakku. "Sometimes you win by just surviving. Yield now and live to fight another day!"

"I'm tired of being the Apprentice," Kylo rasps between heaving pants. It's true. He had a taste of being his own man and he doesn't want to go back to being Snoke's lackey. Kylo knows now how Darth Sidious must have felt, chafing under the overbearing Master who couldn't be killed. Kylo Ren has never been a Sidious fan because of how he treated Vader, but more and more Kylo has sympathies for Sidious' position. Because at any moment, Snoke might have swept in to depose him and to reclaim his Empire and his Apprentice son Vader. Two generations later, Kylo is in the Sidious role with Hux waiting in the wings. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is ostensibly powerful, but a puppet through and through.

Snoke looks disgusted. He marches to loom over his Force-fried and smoking Apprentice who now has Rey kneeling beside him looking very concerned. "I have so much left to teach you. You can be so much more than just a conqueror. Yes, you have the military mind of your grandfather and your uncle's power in the Force. But you lack your Rebel mother's leadership skills and your Senator grandmother's political finesse. You don't just win the galaxy, Kylo Ren, you have to keep it. And you have to rule it." His Master's misshapen jaw twists into an ugly grimace. "The hard part comes now. Now get up and get back to work," he commands. "You're not ready to be the Master yet."

Kylo opens his mouth to retort but Rey freezes him in the Force. He's slightly shocked at this.

So is Snoke, Kylo sees.

But Rey is mad and she's had enough. "Come on," Rey says sharply as she releases Kylo but shoots him a warning look. "Let's get you out of here." She starts helping him up. She's none too gentle about it. But she leans in close to tell him, "I'll gladly be a prisoner houseguest if it means you live. Now get out of here!"

"You love me that much?" Kylo searches her eyes.

"Yeah. It's stupid of me, I know." Rey looks sheepish. "I still love you, Ben. I don't want to see you hurt more."

"I would die for you," Kylo blurts out looking deeply into her eyes. He's never meant anything more in his life.

"Yeah, okay. But how about today we both live?" Rey suggests. He sways as he stands and Rey moves quickly to prop him up.

"Easy, big guy," she soothes, looking up. And that's when Kylo impulsively claims her mouth for a deep kiss. He might not get another chance, so he's going to make it count. He's crazy for this girl from Jakku.

"Oh, dear," he hears his mother's sighing, worried voice. "This is far more serious than I thought."

"I can't believe I didn't know this was going on under my nose," Hux observes sourly. Then, he adds some snark. "This is worse than a bad show on the holonet. Someone make him put back on the mask. I don't want to see this."

"Indeed," Snoke intones. "Apprentice!" he barks. "Dismissed!"

"This isn't goodbye," Kylo whispers into Rey's ear. "This isn't over. It will never be over for us."

"Get going!" Rey tells him sternly. "Before he fries you again." When Kylo hesitates a moment, she literally pushes him away. "Go on! I'll be fine. I can take care of myself, you know."


	36. Chapter 36

Of course, just when Kylo is feeling his most dissatisfied with his life, his dead uncle shows up to gloat about it.  Luke Skywalker’s surprisingly youthful Force ghost materializes late at night to surprise Kylo brooding in his quarters _._  

 

“You don’t look so good, kid.”

 

Yeah?  No shit.  “Go away.”  In the wake of the confrontation with Snoke, Kylo is humiliated, disappointed, and worried about Rey.  Plus, he feels awful physically.  Having his uncle come troll him is not what he needs just now.  Kylo turns away and wanders to stare out the window at Coruscant down below.  Maybe if he ignores the Jedi, he will go away.

 

But no such luck.  Skywalker must see how stiffly he is moving because he guesses, “Lightning?”

 

“Yes,” Kylo admits curtly.  Lots and lots of lightning.  Just remembering all that lightning makes him cringe.

 

“That hurts,” his uncle commiserates.  “I still remember how much that hurts.”

 

Yeah, well, you don’t know the power of the Dark Side until you feel its wrath, Kylo thinks.  And since his old Jedi Master isn’t going away, he decides to satisfy his curiosity.  Kylo turns around and demands, “Is it true?  Is Snoke Darth Plagueis?”   

 

The Jedi ghost nods.  “Yes.”

 

“Yes,” Kylo repeats this confirmation dully.  Fuck.  He’s almost afraid to ask the next question.  “And is it true that Plagueis was Vader’s father in the Force?”

 

“Yes.”  Skywalker makes a face and looks away.   “I didn’t believe it at the time, but I have come to accept it.” 

 

“You knew!” Kylo accuses.  He advances on his uncle’s ghost with sudden, vehement anger.  “You knew the whole time that Snoke was after our family and you knew why!” 

 

Skywalker doesn’t deny it.  He just explains, “I couldn’t stop him, Ben.  I couldn’t keep him from getting in your head as a kid.  And I couldn’t defeat him to end it.  By the time I realized what was going on, it was far too late.  Snoke had turned you before any of us even knew it.  I don’t think you were aware yet.”  The Jedi Master flushes with shame.  “Snoke is the worst sort of predator.  He took an innocent, confused kid and made a monster out of you.”

 

“Here comes the lecture about staying in the Light, right?” Kylo jeers.  He’s very familiar with his uncle’s simplistic black-or-white, good-or-evil, Jedi-or-Sith approach to the Force.  “Well, too late!” 

 

Again, Skywalker flushes.  “I thought that I could protect you by teaching you to reject Darkness like I did.  That then, Snoke would give up and leave you alone like he did with me.  I was wrong.”  His uncle is grim faced at this humbling mea culpa.  “I was wrong and I failed you.”

 

“Are you here to tell me you’re sorry?” Kylo rages.  “Because it’s too late for that too!”

 

Skywalker nods.  “I am sorry.  More sorry than you will ever know.  I overestimated my ability to teach you, I underestimated your power, and I failed to see what a lure it was for Snoke.  One day, you will be far more powerful in the Force than I ever was, Ben.  Snoke saw that when you were still a child.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me at least?” Kylo is outraged.  He hates that his life feels like a never-ending revelation of lies.

 

“We kept it from you for the same reason we didn’t tell you about your grandfather.  Your mother and I worried that you would get curious and lose your way.”

 

Kylo nods knowingly as his lip curls.  His sarcasm is ugly as he quotes the old Jedi maxim on corruption. “Because once you start down the Dark path—”

 

“Yes,” his uncle answers before he can finish.  “Exactly.”

 

“So instead, your solution was to raise me in a life of lies!” Kylo is indignant.  All his family’s good intentions had backfired spectacularly by priming him for Snoke’s teachings.  Kylo sees that now in hindsight.  Snoke had manipulated his youthful distrust and rebellion and fed his need for acceptance and a father figure.   And all of this came with the promise of future power and glory.  It was a heady offer his teenaged self couldn’t wait to accept.   Before he knew it, he was kneeling to Snoke and pledging his soul to Darkness.  

 

Kylo had no idea of the far-reaching consequences of that vow.  He also never suspected the events that had occurred before his birth to ensure that vow would be made.  In this, and in so many ways, Kylo had failed to appreciate the true legacy of the Skywalker family.  Because being born a Skywalker turns out to mean much more than just living up to his Rebellion war hero parents and his legendary Jedi uncle.  And it’s more than being Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader’s grandson.  He’s a Chosen One descended directly from the Force conjured by a Dark god.  And, as it turns out, that heritage greatly limits your choices in life thanks to your immortal, uber-controlling great-grandfather in the Force who fries you with lightning and steals your girlfriend.  Kylo sees now that he never had any choice about ruling the galaxy.  This all feels so uncomfortably pre-ordained.  Like his only real accomplishment in life was being born.  Has he been blessed with greatness or cursed?  Kylo isn’t sure what to think.

 

Skywalker starts making his explanation, but it sounds like more excuses to Kylo’s ears.  “Your mother and I were both raised with the same lies.  But we understood when we learned the truth about Darth Vader.  Leia and I foolishly assumed you would react the same way when the time came for you to learn your heritage.”  His uncle shakes his head ruefully and his face is a mask of regret.  “Ben, your mother and I were grown adults when we learned the truth.  You were still an impressionable kid.”

 

“I was a kid with a Sith lord in my head!” Kylo hisses.  

 

“Like I said, I couldn’t stop Snoke.”

 

“You didn’t try!”

 

“I taught you what I was taught.   That was all I knew to do!” Skywalker snaps.  “I was a half-trained Jedi doing the best I could based on what little I knew!  And it worked for me!”  His uncle is defensive and frustrated now.  “It was a foolish mistake to generalize from my own experience.  I see that now.  And I blindly adhered to the Jedi doctrine I myself was taught.  It was many years before I understood its limitations,” he admits.

 

“You were scared of me!  Just like you were scared of Darkness!” Kylo accuses.

 

“Yes,” Skywalker answers truthfully.  “I was scared you would become Kylo Ren . . . and you did.”

 

Kylo’s face screws up.  Talking about this topic upsets him even more.  He feels so betrayed.  By his uncle and his mother for their lies and mistakes.  By Snoke for his omissions and for his treatment of Rey.  Kylo has never felt more demoralized.  He’s the Supreme Leader of the galaxy and a powerful Dark Side warrior, but he’s a pawn through and through.  And everyone he has ever trusted or cared for has let him down but Rey. 

 

“So . . . Snoke really is a god of Darkness,” Kylo concludes. 

 

Luke Skywalker sniffs, ever the moral superior.   “There are no gods of the Force.  He is a megalomaniac.” 

 

“He said he was a Jedi once.”  Kylo looks to his uncle with raised eyebrows.

 

“He was.  His story is written in the Jedi texts that Rey stole.  There’s a story about a Jedi Master who was expelled for exploring the Dark Side.  That was Snoke.”

 

“He’s that old??”

 

“Yes.  He’s ancient.  I know that he has been both Jedi and Sith. He’s been other things too, I think.  Over the years, there have been many cults and religions of the Force.”  Now it’s Luke Skywalker’s turn to look demoralized.  “Evil never dies.  I learned that lesson the hard way, kid.  I thought I had won on the Death Star.  But it turns out I didn’t even confront the first string Sith.” 

 

“Evil isn't his goal,” Kylo counters.  “He says he created our family to find balance.  That we were made to be conflicted.  That he intended that we would veer between the Light and the Dark.”

 

“Snoke just wants to control it all—both the Light and the Dark Sides.  That’s his version of balance.”

 

“Can you really create a person in the Force?” Kylo wonders aloud.

 

“Why not?  If life creates the Force, why can’t the Force create life?” his uncle posits.  “It’s probably not that different from cloning in the end.  Only cloning just uses science instead of the Force.  It’s no surprise that Snoke was the Sith behind the creation of the Republic clone army.  Like I said, he’s a megalomaniac.  He will stop at nothing to achieve his goals and he likes playing god.” 

 

“When did you meet him?   I want to know what happened.”   Kylo demands to know the whole story.  There must be answers here, he thinks. 

 

“Snoke approached me after Bespin.  Twice on his own and once with Vader.  They came to tempt me to the Dark Side.” 

 

Kylo’s eyes narrow at this reveal.  “So Vader knew Plagueis was his father.”

 

“I assume so.  Vader didn’t deny it in front of me, at least.  But at the time, I didn’t believe it.  I thought they were claiming kinship to manipulate me.”

 

Kylo gives an involuntary glance in the direction of his meditation room that holds Vader’s melted mask.   “Tell me more,” he orders.   “Did my mother know?”

 

“I told her years later when you were a boy.  Your mother didn’t believe it either.”  Skywalker sighs as he recalls, “The Snoke I met was an odd fellow.  He mostly wanted to use Vader and myself for revenge on Sidious.  Snoke was not happy that Sidious stole his Empire from him.”

 

“What was Vader’s angle?” Kylo wants to know.

 

“He wanted rid of Sidious too.  There was no love lost between Vader and his Master.  Vader wanted to rule it all on his own.  He wanted to be head Sith.”

 

Kylo lets this statement sink in.  “So . . . it is true that Vader killing his Master on the Death Star was about more than just you.”   It had been about more than just sentiment.  It had been about power too.

 

“Yes,” his uncle admits.  “I knew your grandfather had the motivation even before I came along.  When Vader saw the opportunity, he took it.   It had the added benefit of saving me.  I was the instigator, but not the whole reason for the deed.”   Skywalker flushes again as he summarizes the crux of the matter.  “Vader’s goals were as much Dark as they were Light that day.”

 

And that’s perfectly fitting, Kylo realizes, for the original Chosen One Anakin Skywalker.  Suddenly, Kylo is furious.  “That’s not the story you told the galaxy and me!”

 

“I know.”  Skywalker looks truly contrite to admit this.  “The story I told fit the narrative of the Jedi worldview I had been taught.  And it is what I personally believed for years.  That Vader returned to the Light and repented of his Darkness.”

 

“It was a lie!”

 

Skywalker takes offense at this charge.  “I was far younger than you are now, Ben, when I walked in to confront Vader and Sidious on the Death Star.  Back then, I was naïve about the failings of the Jedi.  It took your struggle for me to see all the ways that the Jedi had failed.  I learned a lot from your fall, Ben,” the Jedi Master admits.  Skywalker’s frustration now bubbles up again, “Our family keeps learning the same lessons the hard way again and again.  My father saw all the failings of the Jedi Order for himself but he made the wrong choices for what to do about it.  Just like you did.  Perhaps if I had known Vader better, I would have understood . . .  maybe been better able to teach you . . .”  Skywalker’s voice trails off.  “I never really knew my father,” he laments.

 

“That’s because you turned down the chance!” Kylo hisses.  And that is Luke Skywalker’s greatest failing in his nephew’s eyes:  Skywalker made the wrong choice when Darth Vader offered him the galaxy and the Dark Side.  He lacked the courage to look beyond the limitations of the Jedi.

 

“I have made many mistakes, Ben.  How I dealt with Vader is just one of them,” his uncle agrees quietly.  It is an astounding admission.  But it comes too little, too late, Kylo thinks.

 

“You failed us all,” he gripes.  Kylo’s voice is thick with resentment.  “You could have found balance.  Vader was pushed too far into Darkness from his injuries, but Snoke believed that you could have done it had you tried.”

 

Luke Skywalker shakes his head to disagree.  “I don’t believe that any one person can bring balance to the Force.  Snoke talks a good game, but no one can control the entire Force.  He can’t do it.  You can’t do it either.  Balance isn’t a personal project, Ben.  You discount the effect that billions of individuals have on the Force.” 

 

“There aren’t billions of Force sensitives out there—"

 

“You don’t have to be Force sensitive to have influence on the Force,” Skywalker corrects him.  “You and I are an aberration.  We are the few who can control the Force.  But average, ordinary people count more than you think.  And there are a lot more of them than there are us.”  Skywalker presses on this point.  “Snoke is an elitist.  He creates a master race of Force sensitives so he can control it all.  But it turns out that the Skywalkers are not the puppet demigods he wants.  Not all of us, at least.”  His uncle’s face hardens and he shoots Kylo a withering look.  “Our family has done far more harm than good.  We have a lot to answer for.”

 

“Yeah, well Snoke is getting another Skywalker soon.  Rey is pregnant,” Kylo reveals miserably. 

 

“Oh, Ben,” Skywalker’s face is disappointed but he doesn’t look surprised.  “I feared this might happen.”

 

Before his uncle can start lecturing him on being irresponsible, Kylo hastens to add, “Snoke says it’s a child he created in the Force.  It’s not my kid, so don’t blame me.”

 

That information gets Skywalker’s attention.  “Do you believe him?” he asks.

 

“I don’t know what to think,” Kylo sulks.  “But when he said it, it didn’t feel like a lie.”  And Kylo has never once known his Master to outright lie, even if he tends to omit large parts of the truth and evade direct answers.

 

“You need to help her,” the Jedi urges him.

 

And that’s a sore point.  “I tried!   I’m not strong enough to help her.”  Kylo doesn’t want to be reminded of his failure just now.   He aches all over from his attempt to rescue Rey.

 

“So that’s why the lightning,” Skywalker surmises.  “You lost to Snoke.”

 

“Yes.  Now go away!” Kylo grouses.  He has had enough of this conversation.  He doesn’t want to hear his uncle’s censure about Rey.  Kylo feels guilty enough about the fate of his girl.  Rey doesn’t deserve this treatment.  Her life has been hard enough already.

 

“There are alternatives to fighting,” the Jedi suggests after a moment.

 

But Kylo isn’t in the mood for any pacifist Light Side lectures.  Especially from his very disappointing uncle.  “Go away!” Kylo complains.  “Just go away.”  He never should have brought the baby up.  Kylo doesn’t want to talk about the baby.  He feels sick every time he thinks about the baby that may or may not be his.

 

Skywalker takes the hint.  His uncle changes the subject.  “I still want to teach you this skill.  Just in case—"

 

“Go away!” Kylo repeats again.  “I’m done learning from you.  You can’t help me.  So, go the fuck away!”

 

“Ben—”

 

“Go the fuck away!”

 

This time, his uncle does. 

 

But the Force must know how discouraged Kylo is because not long after his uncle disappears Kylo feels the bond opening with Rey.  Tonight is apparently his night for visitations.  And actually, he’s really glad about this.  He’s been worried about Rey.  Kylo squints into the blackness before him and turns up the lights in his quarters.  But his vision into the bond still looks pitch black. 

 

“Are you sleeping?   I can’t see you.  Turn on the lights,” he tells Rey.

 

She ignores his request and starts yelling at him.  “No more rescue missions, Ben!  I mean it!  You only made things worse!  Much worse.”

 

“Yeah, well, that could have gone better,” he concedes.  And that’s the understatement of the year.  Basically, it was a disaster.  But they’re both alive and that counts for something. “I’m fine in case you were wondering,” Kylo informs her peevishly.   “Just a bit sore now after a bacta bath.   Turn on the lights, will you? I can’t see.”

 

“There are no lights.”  Rey sounds stressed. 

 

“Why are there no lights?  Where are you?” 

 

“In a cell in solitary.  Your boss has a cell underneath his country estate.  I guess you never know when you’re going to have to imprison someone while on vacation, so it’s good to keep one handy.” 

 

Oh, fuck.  “This is because of me,” Kylo speaks his thoughts aloud. 

 

“Presumably,” Rey retorts.  Her tone is snippy.   “Now that you have shown up threatening to rescue me, I’m under lock and key.  Snoke just upped the degree of difficulty.  A lot.” 

 

“Fuck,” he complains.  “When did this happen?”

 

“Five minutes after you left.”

 

“That was two days ago.  Have you been in the dark all this time?”

 

“Snoke was pretty mad after you left.  And your mother was shouting.  So, yeah, I’ve been here in this hole ever since.”  Rey sounds very stressed, but she downplays the situation.  She’s ever the scrappy girl from Jakku.  Full of bravado and tough talk.  “It’s not so bad.  I’m fine.  I’ve been in worse situations.”

 

Bullshit.  He knows a lie when he hears one.  “This is all my fault.”

 

“Yep.  Pretty much.  Thanks for that.  It’s going to be really hard to get out of here.  Mind tricks don’t seem to work on these guards.”  Rey sighs and gripes, “I told you not to come.”

 

There was no way he was staying away.  And she probably owes him some thanks for trying to rescue her.  But still, Kylo is defensive.  “It was worth a try.  You should have run when you had the chance,” he complains.  Instead, Rey had stood there gaping at him writhing on the ground.  “Why didn’t you run?  I was the diversion, in case you didn’t notice.”  

 

“Oh, I noticed.  But I wasn’t going to leave you behind,” Rey snaps back.  She sniffs and makes a little hiccupping sound that tells him she’s being crying. 

 

“Rey, don’t cry—”

 

“I’m not crying!”

 

There’s another lie, he thinks. 

 

“They tagged me,” Rey wails now.  “I’ve got a chip under my skin like I’m a slave or a lost pet or something.  Snoke is taking no chances I will disappear on him.” 

 

Yikes.  This keeps getting worse.  “Oh, Rey—"

 

“As soon as I get out of here, I'm going to dig it out.  Then, I’m going to get rid of this baby,” she decides. 

 

“That might be our baby.”

 

“You don’t know that!” Rey snaps.  “Besides, I’m nineteen.  I don't want a baby.”    

 

Oh.  For the first time, it occurs to him that Rey is just as unenthusiastic about this baby business as he is.  Maybe that shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it does.  And it’s kind of unwelcome news.  “Wait--you would kill our baby?  That’s our family, Rey.”

 

“I don't know.  I might.”  He can hear the distress in her voice.   “I’m not sure.”  There is a long moment of silence before Rey continues.  “Look, I’m severing ties with your family.  I’ve had enough Skywalkers.”

 

“Does that include me?”  That had better not include him.

 

“Yes.  No.  Well, maybe.”  Rey is as noncommittal about him as she is about the baby.  And before he can protest that they love each other and that she is his destiny, Kylo hears Rey break down into tears.  She’s not trying to hide it anymore.

 

“Rey—"  Oh, Gods, this is heartbreaking to listen to.  It goes on for an endless minute or two before she regains her composure somewhat.  “Rey, I’m sorry . . . “

 

“T-There’s nothing here to m-mark the wall,” she tells him between sniffs.  “They g-give me water and protein bars. I don’t get a knife and fork.  There’s n-nothing here to mark the days.”  She sounds very panicked about that.   

 

A knife?   She thinks they are going to give her a knife in custody?  “If you had a knife, you would use it to dig that chip out.”

 

“Yeah . . . yeah, I w-would,” she agrees.

 

“Give me your hand.  Are you holding your hand out?”  He can’t see in the absence of light. 

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo steps forward and gropes into the blackness.  Will this work again?   It does. He feels her hand and grabs it tightly.  He can’t see Rey but he can feel her.  And where is the rest of her?  With his other hand Kylo reaches around and comes up empty.  “What?”  He is confused.  “Where are you?”

 

“I’m down here.  On the floor.”

 

“Oh.”  He moves around blindly searching for her.  Kylo is still stiff and sore from being fried but he wants to do this.  Gingerly, he attempts to settle down beside Rey.

 

“Move over,” she complains with a push.  “You’re sitting on me.”

 

“No.  You come here.”   Kylo gathers her form into his arms as he awkwardly falls down beside her, his back propped against what must be the cell wall.  “Come here.”   He pulls her into his lap, laying her head against his shoulder.  Rey fits herself against him as he feels her body relax.   “That’s better.”  He strokes her back as she sags into him.

 

“This has all gone so wrong,” she laments.

 

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I never meant for any of this to happen.”

 

“It’s too late for ‘I’m sorry.’”

 

“It’s also too late for ‘I told you so,’” he points out.   Because this is the situation they find themselves in.  If there is anyone to blame, Kylo thinks, it should be Snoke.  Kylo wishes he had some hopeful, encouraging words for Rey, but he does not.  That’s the sort of thing his mother is good at, but not him.

 

“It’s only been two days.”  Rey is still fixated on the number of days and how to keep track of the days.  She’s very anxious about that.  “Are you sure it’s only two?  It feels like forever.” 

 

He does the math in his head.  “It’s almost three days Naboo time.”

 

“Okay.” She digests this news.  “I can do this.  Jakku was worse than this.”  She’s giving herself a pep talk. 

 

Kylo joins in. “I’ll be here every time the bond opens.  I promise.”

 

But no sooner does Rey rally than she falters.   She sounds a little panicky again.  “I want out of here!  It’s like being in a fucking hole. I’m stuck in a cell underground with the lights off.”

 

This is punishment for him as well, Kylo realizes.  Snoke knows him well enough to know that he will agonize over Rey stuck in this situation.  He will suffer for her treatment too.  Plus, Snoke is making a point.  He means business with Rey as a hostage.  That confrontation made clear that Snoke is not going to kill her now that she’s pregnant, but there are still plenty of ways to make Rey suffer without endangering her physically.  And since Snoke has been in her head, he must know that this isolation brings up crippling memories of Jakku.

 

“I am why you are being made to suffer,” Kylo confesses unhappily. 

 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Rey snaps.   “This is because Snoke knows I can escape on my own.  You know I had everything under control until you showed up—"

 

“I know.”  He pulls her closer.  For all her bold, strong words, he notices that Rey isn’t pulling away.  If anything, she’s snuggling closer.  His girl is tough, but she’s never as tough as she pretends to be.  She is needy in her own way, just like him.  It’s one more respect in which he and Rey are alike.  For despite their disparate backgrounds, they have much in common beyond just the Force.

 

And that’s how they have ended up the star-crossed lovers of the First Order.  Two renegade Force users who tried to buck the weight of history but got caught.    Ironically, their reforms remain in place even if they themselves are torn apart.  The galaxy heralds Kylo Ren as the reigning Supreme Leader, but the truth is that he is still completely under his Master’s thumb.   And Rey, his valiant priestess of the Light who defied a Jedi Master and the Resistance to take a chance on him, is now a pawn in the crossfire.  And this unborn baby?   Well, it is another innocent victim in the making.  Fuck.  This cycle of dysfunction is everything Kylo had hoped to end.  For he always hoped that bringing balance to the Force would do more than merely promote peace and stability in the galaxy at large.  Kylo has always viewed it as the last, best hope for salvation for the Skywalkers themselves.   Because if there is anything that can normalize his extreme clan, it will be balance.  A little less anger, a little less righteousness, and more understanding.  A little less dissonance, a little less melody, and more harmony.  A little less Dark, a little less Light, and more grey.  But balance seems far beyond his reach right now.  For yet again, Kylo has learned the hard way that a Skywalker’s worst enemy is his own kin.

 

“You are not alone,” Kylo whispers into Rey’s hair as he drops a kiss on what he thinks is her brow.  It could be her cheek.  He’s not sure.

 

“Say it again.  Please.”

 

“You’re not alone.  I’ll be here every time the bond opens.”

 

“But what about the days?” Rey frets.

 

“Don’t worry.  I’ll mark them here on my wall.”

 

And when the bond closes, stiff and sore Kylo picks himself off the floor.  Then, he lights his saber and cuts three long slash marks on the nearest wall.  It’s the least he can do, Kylo thinks.  And it’s one small way to be in solidarity with Rey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the reasons I hope that there is more to Snoke’s backstory is that it can deepen Luke Skywalker’s story arc. I love Luke as a hero and and I was fine with his TLJ story. I just wish we could fill in more of the Kylo- Luke history. Why didn’t Luke confront Snoke to get his nephew back? Snoke doesn’t seem to hard to kill and if Kylo can do it, Luke in his prime sure could. So why not? He’s no coward. In my alternate universe, Luke doesn’t want to kill his family and Luke knows killing Snoke won’t make him go away. So Luke hides to preserve the Light, not just out of depression. For me, this fits with one of the defining aspects of canon Luke’s character: he’s a man who sometimes chooses not to fight. He famously threw down his lightsaber, remember?


	37. Chapter 37

For whatever reason—whether it’s the will of the Force or just Snoke controlling the bond to manipulate them—every day the bond opens up.  True to his word, Ben makes time to hold Rey tight and lift her spirits.  He walks over to the wall in his quarters so she can see behind him the latest slash mark from his sword.  He keeps the calendar and he keeps the faith for both of them.

 

Rey, the would-be Jedi, accepts the mystery of the Force bond as is.  But Ben the proto-Sith spends time trying to to control it.  He has little success.   From the very beginning, she and Ben have been able to touch through the bond.  Their sense of each other’s physical surroundings has grown stronger over time.  But otherwise, nothing changes about the bond except the frequency of their visits.  Ben keeps theorizing that eventually the bond will operate as a portal.  He thinks that in time he might be able to pull Rey through to his side on the _Finalizer_ so she can escape her cell.  They do some experimentation, but the portal idea doesn’t seem to work.  I don’t think the Force can be controlled this way, Rey decides.   That’s not how the Force works.  The Force isn’t hyperspace.  Ben disagrees, quoting his Master’s wisdom that all things are possible in the Force.  If Snoke can resurrect himself, then I can do this, Ben commits.  But Rey remains a skeptic.   She’s not optimistic about how any of this will turn out.

 

Once a week, a medic arrives and the cell lights flash on to temporarily blind Rey.  The medic scans her to check on the baby.  Next, Rey gets a shower and a fresh set of clothes.  After that, she’s back in her dark cell.    The weekly checkup would be the time to escape except there are far too many stormtroopers present with guns drawn.  After Snoke had declined to hurt her in that ugly scene with Ben, Rey knows that Snoke won’t kill her while she’s pregnant.  He doesn’t want to risk his precious Skywalker baby, she figures.  That means the blasters those troopers brandish are probably set to stun.  But there are far too many of them to elude at once even with the Force.  So Rey bides her time waiting for a better opportunity to escape. 

 

Rey is polite, even friendly at times, with the young medic who checks on her weekly.  She is careful to be very docile and cooperative with all of her jailers to put them at ease around her.  Rey wants their vigilance to relax over time.   Even now, they seem far less concerned about Rey breaking out than they are about someone breaking her out.  And that stands to reason, given Ben’s prior attempt.  It’s also clear that everyone feels sorry for her.  From their comments, everyone seems to know that Rey is the unlucky pregnant prisoner girlfriend of Kylo Ren.  They know that she got caught masquerading as a junior officer so they could live together in secret on his flagship.   If anyone knows of Rey’s Resistance past, they don’t let on.  

 

All this time alone gives Rey plenty of time to think.   She obsesses over two things:  Ben and the baby. 

 

Ben’s devotion touches her deeply.  Rey remembers him stomping in to confront Snoke, hollering and shooting lightning like the angry young Skywalker prince he is.  Then it all culminated in Ben dramatically vowing to die for their love.  In that moment, he was everything this abandoned, scorned girl had ever wanted in a man.  He was brave, strong, loyal, and determined.   He had come back for her, no matter the cost.  Rey has long known Ben as a zealot for the First Order, but that day he had been a zealot for her.  She had never felt so wanted.  Here was all the love and belonging Rey has craved for so long. 

 

Ben is a violent man given to extremes, and yet he is surprisingly tender with her.  Nightly he holds Rey tight across the bond.  Some nights he strokes her hair.  Some nights he coaxes her to eat.   But just like on the _Finalizer_ , behind closed doors Ben Solo is a quiet, sensitive, and reflective man.  He is the furthest thing from the fearsome monster in the mask who slashed through fifty people in a conference room.  Still, both of those men are Ben, Rey knows.  And though that dichotomy is hard to reconcile, it is a truth she cannot ignore.  Perhaps there is a murdering monster in all of us, she rationalizes.  And with the right trigger, it comes out. 

 

More and more, Rey thinks she could take the good with the bad, that she and Ben could be together again, were it not for Snoke.  But Snoke is a definite dealbreaker.  Rey refuses to live a life controlled by the constant threat of Ben’s Master.  And that means she and Ben have no hope for a future together.  For now that it is clear that Snoke cannot die, Ben will be the forever Apprentice his whole life.  And so, even if this baby turns out to be Ben’s son, Rey would be unwilling to raise him in the First Order with his father.

 

But that’s not a topic she and Ben have discussed.  They don’t talk specifically about the future.  It’s almost like a tacit understanding between them that there is no future to discuss.  Every now and then, Ben wonders aloud if that’s his baby son she is carrying, but Rey shuts those conversations down.  She doesn’t want to talk about the baby.  Endless conversations of ‘is that my kid?’ are pointless as far as she’s concerned.  If she stays in jail long enough to have the baby, then she will find out the truth eventually.  Honestly, she’s in no rush.  Because if this is Ben’s baby, that just makes things worse down the line.  The child will be one more tool for Snoke to use to control them both.  And Ben’s desire to know his son will make his Master’s manipulation all the more potent. 

 

Once, all Rey had wanted in life was a family to love and to love her back.  So maybe this surprise baby is that wish fulfilled, just in a roundabout way.  But the circumstances make it hard for Rey to feel any joy.  All she feels is dread.  Terrible dread.

 

Physically, she doesn’t feel much different.  Rey is tired all the time, but that could be from just sitting around all day in a cell.  And she’s anxious a lot, but that’s understandable given the situation.  She doesn’t have a baby bump either yet.  And so, pregnancy is not that bad so far. 

 

Does she want this kid?  No, not really.  But unless she gets out of this cell soon, she may not have a choice.  What will happen if she births this baby as a captive?  She doesn’t know.  So Rey reverts back to her Jakku mindset and she takes things day by day.  That’s the mental rigor that enabled her to survive years on her own in the desert.  Because if your only future is today, then your concerns are immediate.  That helps to stave off the hopelessness that comes from longing for change that will never come. 

 

In the best case scenario, one day Rey escapes, digs out the tracker tag, ditches the Force, and then decides how to deal with the baby.  She starts a new life alone and never sees Ben again.  She won’t get a chance to even say goodbye, since that seems risky to communicate through the bond.  And the worst case scenario?  Well, Rey tries not to dwell on that.  But it goes something like this:  Rey gives birth to her Skywalker baby in custody and then is promptly killed since her utility is through.  Snoke won’t need her around to use to control Ben since he will have Ben’s mother and the baby too.  There are lots of intermediate scenarios, of course.  Those permutations are endless.  But they all come down to a version of different privileges granted by Snoke that Snoke can take away at whim.  And that’s something Rey cannot tolerate.  The survivor in her wants to stay alive at all costs but the scavenger in her yearns to be free to conduct her own life.  As Rey weighs those values against one another, she decides that she wants to live free or not at all.  It’s the same cost benefit analysis she went through quickly on the Starkiller before she made a run for it. 

 

When there are about thirty marks on Ben’s wall, things start to improve.  It’s all thanks to Leia Organa.  Ben’s mother is a formidable woman who makes her presence felt. 

 

The lights come on suddenly in Rey’s cell.  Blinking into the painful brightness, Rey sees Ben’s mother with General Hux in tow.  While Leia Organa surveys her cell and leans over to inspect Rey huddled in the corner on the floor, her First Order counterpart starts talking fast. 

 

“We have some questions for you,” Hux announces.  He’s all business straightaway. “There is no one else left to ask about the evolution of the peace deal since Ren killed the entire negotiating team.  Ergo we are here to consult with you on select matters.  You will cooperate or face consequences.  Do you understand?”

 

Leia Organa completely ignores this speech, making it obvious that Hux’s questions are a pretext.  “Rey, how are you?” she asks worriedly as Rey stands to her feet.  “You look awful.  Are they feeding you?”  Before Rey can answer, the princess barks at the jailers standing outside the open cell door.  “She’s pregnant.  Did you know she is pregnant?  You need to feed this girl for the sake of the baby at least.”

 

“They know,” Rey explains.  “A medic comes to scan me once a week.”

 

“This is not acceptable!” Ben’s mother takes charge.  “She needs at least a pillow and a blanket.  And these lights should be left on permanently.”

 

“We have our orders,” the lead jailer replies, looking at Hux nervously.  It’s clear that the man is not keen on discussing anything with the former leader of the Resistance who through a strange turn of events is Snoke’s improbable houseguest. 

 

“We’ll see about that,” Leia Organa snaps.  She turns back to Rey.  “Solitary isn’t fun, I know.  Over the years, I spent more time in Imperial custody than I liked.  Hang in there Rey, we’ll get you out.”

 

“We are here to discuss the peace deal she and Ren cooked up.  Not to discuss her living arrangements,” General Hux sniffs, sounding perturbed.

 

Ben’s mother turns to the general and, in a very Ben move, curtly orders, “Shut up!”  Then, she turns her attention back to Rey.  “You look awful.” 

 

“Yeah, well, I’m in jail,” Rey gripes. “It’s not fun.”

 

“Do they ever let you out?” Leia Organa asks. 

 

“Once a week, I get a shower and new clothes when the medic comes.” 

 

“But what about a chance to walk around some?”  The princess looks about Rey’s small space.  “There’s not much room to move in here.”

 

Rey shakes her head.  “No.  Not yet, at least.”

 

The older woman frowns.  “We’ll see about that.”

 

“Ben is here in the bond every day.  For a few minutes at least,” Rey volunteers.

 

“Yes?  That’s good.  At least you get some company each day.  How is he?” Leia Organa asks this with a purposeful nonchalance that is clearly feigned.  She meets Rey’s eyes.  “That lightning looked pretty bad even if he was able to walk away.”

 

“He’s recovered from that.  Ben’s . . . Ben’s . . . well, he’s about how you would expect,” Rey finishes lamely.  For how do you describe the current mental state of Kylo Ren?  He’s very pissed off crossed with depressed.  It’s a more extreme version of his usual extreme self.

 

“You mean he’s angry?” Leia Organa guesses.

 

“That’s Ren’s default setting,” General Hux smirks. 

 

Ignoring him, the older woman instructs Rey, “Tell Ben I asked about him.” Leia Organa again casts troubled eyes over Rey.  “I’m worried about you both.  This is not a good situation for anyone.”

 

Rey agrees.  “No.  It’s not.”

 

“Are you feeling alright?  How’s the baby?”

 

“They tell me everything is normal.” 

 

“Rey, I’m sorry about this.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

“We are here to ask the prisoner questions,” the impatient General Hux interrupts once again.  “Can we get on with it?”

 

The irritated princess fixes Hux with a hard look.  “Have you ever been in custody?” she demands.

 

“Of course, not.”  Hux looks offended by the suggestion.

 

“That’s too bad,” the older woman observes.  “A little humbling time in a jail cell might teach you a few things about the humane treatment of prisoners of war.  And that might make you a better leader in the end.  Plus, having some empathy for your enemy’s situation can do wonders for the peace process.”

 

Hux looks none too pleased to be schooled by his Resistance counterpart.  “We are here to ask the prisoner questions,” he reminds everyone yet again.

 

“Fine.  Get to it then.”

 

Hux has lots of detailed questions about what was intended by the peace deal.  Did they consider this, what did they think of that, what was meant by this phrasing, and why didn’t they do this?  Partway through the discussion, Leia Organa abruptly cuts him off.  “That’s enough.”

 

“But we’re not finished yet.  We have more to cover,” Hux objects.  “I haven’t even gotten to the most important parts.”

 

“We’ll cover those items tomorrow, General,” Leia Organa announces firmly.  “We must not overtax the prisoner.  She’s pregnant, remember?  We’ll come back.” Ben’s mother shoots Rey a covert wink as she says this.  Then, the princess and the general are hustled out.  The cell door closes and the lights once again turn off. 

 

A moment later the lights turn back on. 

 

The door opens again and a jailer looks around inside.  “Who did that?”  He demands an explanation as the subordinates behind him quickly disclaim responsibility. 

 

“No one did that.  It was the Force.  That’s Kylo Ren’s girlfriend in there,” Leia Organa announces ominously from the far doorway. “Do not deny the Force and tempt bad luck,” she warns before she grandly sweeps out.

 

And now, whether Snoke knows it or not, the lights in Rey’s cell stay on.  And every few days, Leia Organa wrangles a quick visit to check on Rey with a pressing question that only she can answer.  It’s a thinly veiled excuse but Rey is grateful for her meddling.   She’s also grateful for the mothering, for Leia Organa marches in and immediately starts expressing concern.  The very harassed looking Armitage Hux tags along to participate in the pretext of questions but mostly remains silent now.

 

In some ways, Rey sees, Leia Organa is very similar to her son.  She can be just as demanding and provoking when she wants to be.  And she has that same steely air of command about her.  On Ben, this mostly comes off as arrogant.  But his mother appears effortlessly confident.  Like there is nothing this princess can’t handle in life.  And, really, that’s not far from the truth for this woman has seen and done it all.  She has gravitas in spades.  She also has a temper like her son and she’s impatient too.   But, as Rey remembers from her time at the Resistance, among her colleagues Leia Organa is universally beloved.  She inspired loyalty even in those she was known to be critical of.  That charisma stands in sharp contrast to her son who is distrusted and feared by his own men.  If mother and son can’t get along, perhaps it is because they are too alike, Rey realizes.  But in leadership, Rey thinks Leia Organa could give her son some pointers.  Not that he would listen, of course.

 

It's still a mystery to Rey why old Snoke arrested his enemy granddaughter only to hand her over the keys to his new galactic Senate.   For the optics of having the two opposing generals Hux and Organa craft the specifics of the peacetime legislature sure are strange.  Or, maybe, they are just very Snoke.   Because the former-Jedi, former-Sith who now eschews any label can’t be bothered to care about optics.  Or perhaps it’s just that Leia Organa is a Skywalker and ruling the galaxy is the family business.   So naturally, she gets a place of prominence even if she fought for the losing side. 

 

Rey has the Skywalker family legacy on her mind late one night as she lounges in Ben’s arms.  The bond is open and they are cuddled up as best they can.  “Would you ever want to be normal?” Rey asks out of the blue.  She has been wondering this. She’s curious whether Ben could ever be happy in obscurity or whether he would miss the position and power of being Kylo Ren. 

 

“Normal?” Ben smirks.  “What’s that?   Nothing about my life is normal.”

 

“I always wanted to be normal,” Rey confesses wistfully.  Growing up, she used to spend hours admiring and mimicking the everyday people on the holonet.  People with respectable jobs and happy families and real credits and running water.   Normal was everything the orphan scavenger girl living in an AT-AT ever aspired to be.  For never once did Rey ever imagine her life would turn out like it has.  Remembering those simpler times now, Rey gushes, “Normal looks so nice.”

 

Ben is cynical.  “Normal isn’t what you watch on the holonet.  Normal is a lot less perfect and far less exciting than that.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.  But I always wanted to be normal.”  Rey still does, in fact.

 

“That’s because normal was an improvement over Jakku.  Normal is a comedown if you’re a Skywalker.” 

 

“So you’ve never thought of it?” Rey presses. 

 

“No.” Ben is characteristically blunt.  “You mean normal like average, right?  Like the typical middle-class mom, dad, some kids, and a house somewhere with a secondhand speeder and a couple of household droids?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Rey muses.

 

“You mean normal like you and I live in the Mid Rim working two dead end jobs that don’t pay enough? With maxed out credit cards and no savings to speak of?  And you get bitchy when I lay on the couch all weekend watching podracing and drinking beer instead of helping around the house?  Normal like that sort of normal?”

 

Rey smiles at the thought of this hypothetical life with run-of-the-mill problems.  A life where no one talks about how to gerrymander the galactic Senate and argues about the proper ranking of Darth Vader in the hierarchy of the Sith.   “We’d have each other,” Rey says softly.  “That counts for something.”

 

“Not enough to offset the anonymous tedium of it all,” Alderaan’s erstwhile crown prince sniffs. “Why would I want that?  I’ve got lots of junior officers who have that.  And trust me, they are all striving for more.  No one is content with average, Rey.  Everyone wants better than that.”

 

“I guess maybe it’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have that matters,” Rey realizes. “I never had many possessions.  Material things don’t mean that much to me.   They never have.    It was always people that I wanted.   I wanted my family back.”

 

“I understand,” Ben nods thoughtfully.   “I wanted people too.  I needed more attention as a kid.  I probably needed different people as my parents.  But you can’t change your family,” he sighs.   “I’m stuck with mine.”

 

“I’m stuck with them too,” Rey grumbles.  She completely agrees that Ben’s family is awful.  Well, except for Han Solo.  She had really liked Han Solo.  And Leia Organa is a good person too, even if she’s very highhanded at times.  Rey half smiles now. “So, whatever happened to all that talk about leaving the past behind?”

 

“That worked until the past came back to life and threw you in a cell,” Ben gripes.  He looks dejected now.  “I guess I was foolish to think that I could leave the past behind.   The past never goes away in my family.  You always have to deal with it.”

 

“But if you could leave it all behind would you do it?” Rey asks.  “If you could safely flee Snoke and the First Order forever, would you leave?”

 

Ben looks askance at her and blinks.  “You mean walk away from power?”  His pejorative tone says it all.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Of course, not,” Ben scoffs.   And that’s the answer Rey expects.  “I’ve been working for this since I was a kid, Rey.  The things that make my life so different and so difficult are the things that define me.” 

 

“You mean your family and the Force?” she suggests.

 

“Yes.  I’m a Skywalker,” Ben says proudly. “I’m a Chosen One.  Born to rule the galaxy and to bring balance to the Force.”  He shrugs a bit. “That’s the point of being me, whether I like it or not.”  Ben now sternly lectures her on responsibility.  “You cannot escape your destiny. Only fools attempt to defy fate.”

 

And those are not the words Rey wants to hear.  Not when she’s hoping to first escape Snoke and then escape the Force.   Escaping destiny and defying fate are her life goals right now.

 

“But how do you know it’s destiny and not just Snoke?” she wonders.  “How do you know it’s not just a series of decisions that in hindsight end up looking like destiny, but they’re not?”

 

“The Force,” Ben answers solemnly.  “The Force picks its favorites, and you are one of them.  It means you will have a life of significance, whether you like it or not.  Welcome to my world, Rey,” he smirks.

 

Yes, it always comes back to the Force, she thinks.  And that’s why Rey needs to get away from the Force.  She doesn’t want to end up another woman who gives birth to a Skywalker baby before she tragically dies.  There are far too many dead mothers and mother-figures in Ben’s family tree for Rey’s liking.

 

“I never wanted the Force,” she complains.  “I just wanted to be normal and have a family.”

 

“I know,” he commiserates. “But you don’t get a choice.  The Force will always draw you into the fight in the end. It’s our lot in life as Force users.  Even my uncle couldn’t stay away in exile forever.”

 

Yes, but Luke was a Skywalker, Rey thinks.  The Force is everything to his family.  Not like her.  She’s a nobody from nowhere who doesn’t matter much.  Still, she hazards the ultimate question now.  Rey can’t help herself.  She needs to know this.  “Could you ever walk away from the Force?”

 

Ben laughs at the very suggestion.  “That’s impossible.”

 

“But if you could, would you do it?” she persists.

 

“Why would anyone want to do that?”

 

“Because the Force causes a lot of problems,” the ever practical Rey points out.  “I think I hate the Force.”

 

That comment makes him chuckle.  “Don’t let Snoke hear you say that. That’s blasphemy.  It’s grounds for lightning.” And Ben is only half joking, Rey thinks. 

 

But Ben is getting the gist of her questions, so he confronts them head on.  “Rey, I don’t like this situation any more than you do.  But you don’t get to quit being a Skywalker and you don’t resign from being Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.  Those are not options.   And besides, you know that I believe in the goals of the First Order.  With your help, I have brought peace and order to the galaxy.  Next, we will bring progress for the galaxy as a whole, not just the Core.  In time, places like Jakku will be better.  You’ll see.  The war is over but the real work is just beginning.”  Ben makes a face. “I wish Snoke would let you out.  I’m convening a cabinet.  If I could, I would make you my advisor.  I could use your perspective on cleaning up the Rim.  You have a lot to contribute beyond just the Force.”

 

That’s a pipedream, Rey thinks.  She looks down.  “Snoke is never letting me out.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

Rey swallows her rejoinder and abandons their argument before it begins.  A lot of their conversations get abandoned because they lead directions that go nowhere.  Because so many topics, really so much of life, touches on the future.  And she and Ben have no future together.   Ben refuses to admit that, but Rey is a realist when it comes to things like this.  She didn’t survive Jakku with wishful thinking.  She is clear eyed as always in the face of danger and uncertainty.  But their time together is too precious to waste bickering, so Rey just lets it go.

 

They both sense the bond closing now.  “Kiss me,” Ben whispers.  “Kiss me and say it.”   This is their habit.  A kiss and words of love in case they don’t get another chance again tomorrow.  Because that could happen.  One day the bond might not open.  One day she might try to escape and die trying.  Or one day she might escape only to leave the Force and Ben behind forever.  And so, it is bittersweet as Rey now says the words that mean so much. 

 

“I love you, Ben.”   She thinks a moment and then adds the ancient blessing.  “May the Force be with you.”  For this Dark prince of the galaxy’s most notorious clan loves her, but he loves his Force too. 


	38. Chapter 38

The visits from Leia Organa help, and the princess keeps reassuring Rey that she will get her out of the cell eventually.  But Rey doesn’t get her hopes up.  She’s far too valuable of a hostage.  Plus, as a Force user she’s not an ordinary prisoner.  She’s a far more dangerous flight risk.  And so, it comes as a surprise when one day Rey is marched upstairs to the main house to Snoke.   Somehow, some way, Leia Organa has prevailed upon Snoke to allow Rey to walk about the estate gardens once a week accompanied by her and Snoke.  It’s an effort by the princess to improve her spirits and her health, Rey knows.  But the ostensible purpose is to learn about the Force.  Ben’s mother—long hesitant to explore her talent—will only agree to take instruction from Snoke so long as Rey is present too. 

 

Every Wednesday morning before General Hux arrives for his regular working session on the new Senate, their trio convenes.  Snoke lectures as they plod through the gardens at his lumbering, stiff pace.  There are no guards and no handcuffs for Rey, just Snoke’s presence.  But that’s enough to quell any attempt at escape.   Rey knows that at most she will get one chance, so she intends to choose it wisely.

 

Snoke soft peddles the Force to Leia Organa.  He doesn’t teach actual skills, instead he speaks of the nature of the Force.  How it cycles and repeats, how it manifests itself in different talents for different people, how it can wax and wane in individuals and in the universe at large.  Snoke has a deep reverence for the subject matter and he speaks of it solemnly.  As if he is imparting secrets to be safeguarded and passed down.  Rey dutifully listens even if she doesn’t say much.  Leia Organa is the one whose mind wanders.  If Ben’s mother ever had an affinity for the Force it is long gone in the wake of the fall of her son to the Dark Side and the loss of her brother the last Jedi.  This princess is far more interested in the Senate than in the Force.  She prefers more concrete, democratic means of power, she informs Snoke when he reprimands her for not paying attention.  Oddly enough, Snoke takes her attitude in stride.  All in all, the Dark Master seems surprisingly tolerant of Leia Organa. 

 

It’s clear that old Snoke loves to teach.  While Rey listens to his longwinded monologue, she luxuriates in the natural beauty and fresh air of the garden.  Everywhere there are blooming plants and buzzing insects.  Now and then, Rey spies the occasional critter darting between bushes.  All of this life is intermingled and codependent, from the bugs that pollenate the plants to the lifeforms that feed upon those plants.  Here life flourishes and renews itself within and among different species.  The Force created by all that abundant life surrounds and penetrates Rey.  It pulses within her and radiates around her.  She takes it in through all her senses, savoring the sights, the sounds, the smells, and the soothing mental feel of it all.  For truly, this is a magical place.  Gazing around with eyes long accustomed to Jakku’s desert wasteland, Rey thinks this the most beautiful place in the whole galaxy. 

 

“You like my garden,” Snoke appraises.  He is pleased.

 

“Yes,” Rey answers.  “It’s full of the Force.”

 

“Indeed,” he nods.  “And these days, so are you.  Now, more so than ever.”

 

He’s referring to the baby, she knows.  Rey’s hand unconsciously strays to her waistline.   She’s so slim these days that her skinny form elsewhere only serves to highlight her small but growing belly.  It is disconcerting and undeniable evidence that there is life growing within her.  With each passing week, it’s getting harder for Rey to ignore that fact.

 

“This son will take after you in the Force,” Snoke informs her thoughtfully as he watches her gesture. 

 

“He will be Light?” Rey hopes as she looks up. 

 

“He will be Light and he will be Dark,” Snoke corrects.  “He will be a Chosen One.   But he will grow into his Force as you did.  That has not been the case for my other progeny.”

 

Rey isn't following. 

 

Neither is Leia Organa.  “What does that mean?” she asks.

 

“Some are born to the Force.  Others are awakened to the Force,” Snoke explains.  He points a clawed finger at Rey.  “You were awakened.  Tucked away and hidden until the time was right.  I never saw you coming because you were ordinary up until the moment you became extraordinary.  You were so immediately strong that your awakening caused a disturbance in the Force.  My Apprentice and I both felt it,” he recalls.

 

“What’s a disturbance?” Rey wonders, mostly to keep him talking.  She tries to ask Snoke open ended questions to drag the walk out as long as possible.  The more time outside her cell, the better.  Even if it is with him.

 

“A disturbance is like a thunderclap to the mind.  Like an earthquake to the soul.  You cannot miss it,” Snoke explains.  “They are rare but always meaningful because they herald change.  Destiny rearranges itself from time to time, I have learned.   So it was when you were awakened.”  The old Master turns to the princess.  “Have you ever felt a disturbance, Lady Vader?”  Snoke inquires this like an ordinary person might ask about the weather.  “Tell us.”

 

The princess looks uncomfortable.  She thinks a moment before she answers. “Yes.  Four times in my life, I have sensed the Force that way.”

 

Snoke looks to her expectantly. He raises his eyebrows.  “And?”

 

“The first time was at Endor.  I felt Palpatine and Vader die.  I knew that Luke was alive and had triumphed,” the princess recalls in a faraway voice.  “I couldn’t explain to Han how I knew at the time, but I knew.”

 

“Yes, that was a powerful disturbance,” Snoke concurs gravely.  “My Anakin got Sidious in the end.  My son rose up and took my revenge,” he crows proudly.

 

Leia Organa sees it differently.  “Vader died saving Luke,” she says with certainty. 

 

“That too,” Snoke agrees.  “When else?”

 

“When Ben burned Luke’s temple and—“

 

“Ah, yes, that one could not be missed!” Snoke interrupts.  “That boy created all sorts of havoc in the Force,” he says proudly.  “And when else?”

 

“Hosnia.”

 

“Of course.  Billions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.  And then,” Snoke says with relish, “my war began in earnest.  What was the fourth time?” he asks, clearly curious. 

 

“Han.  When Han died.”  Leia Organa looks away.  When she turns back, her face is hard and dark and she looks ready to shoot lightning again.  “You baited my son to kill his own father!” she hisses at Snoke.  The patricide of Han Solo is very much a raw, oozing wound on Leia Organa’s heart. 

 

“It was a test,” Snoke admits.   Rey is struck by how casually this man speaks of murder.  “My Apprentice passed with flying colors.  Well, except for that bit in the woods afterwards with you.”  Snoke shoots Rey a sideways look.  “Killing the smuggler was how I knew Kylo Ren was capable of completing his training.  That the time had finally come for him to fulfill his destiny and rule the galaxy at my side.”

 

“He killed his own father!” the princess repeats with flashing eyes and condemnation in her face.  “It was coldblooded murder!”

 

Snoke has no remorse.  In fact, he thinks it fitting.  “It is an age-old custom of Darkness to sacrifice a family member.  It demonstrates conclusively that your commitment to the cause of power trumps the bonds of love.  I had expected it to be Skywalker, of course.  But when Han Solo had the droid with the map, another opportunity presented itself.” 

 

Snoke’s gaze flits over to Rey now.  “Once my Apprentice killed his father and suffered for it, I knew he would never sacrifice you.  He was already far too enamored with you.   But in order for you to live, I had to die.  So Kylo Ren rose up to kill me and grab for my power.  He wanted both the galaxy and the girl.  Oh, such a glorious moment that was!” old Snoke reminisces as the bewildered women look on in disgust.  “In the course of a few short days, my Apprentice made his blood sacrifice and then killed his Master.  How proud I was of him.  The mighty Kylo Ren might be tempted by the Light, but he is Dark through and through.  At long last, the terrified boy I took in years ago had grown into a man ready to rule.”  Snoke is smug at his longtime plans come to fruition.  “Finally, I have a new Vader.”

 

“You have made a monster of my son!” Leia Organa accuses.  She looks close to tears.  For strong as this woman is, her weakness is her wayward son.  Ben Solo once was the promise of a new generation of Jedi and the hope for the New Republic.  That he has become the murdering Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, is a deep disappointment his mother will never get over.   For this woman has lost so much along with her fallen son.  Maybe she could keep her distance somewhat during the long years Ben was a face in a mask on the holonet.  But with their recent interactions, the loss of the war, and Snoke in her face every day, Leia Organa cannot escape the reality of Kylo Ren.   Seeing her distress, Rey aches for her.  Now that she herself may be a mother soon, Rey appreciates the situation on a whole new level.

 

Snoke doesn’t respond to the princess.  Instead, he turns to Rey.  “Is my Apprentice a monster?” he inquires.

 

Rey hesitates before answering.  “Not really,” she decides, but then keeps amending, “Not all the time.  But he can be,” she admits.

 

“Correct. He is Dark and Light, just as he was created to be.  All of us are a mixture of Dark and Light, even you Rey.”   Snoke pauses for a moment before adding, “Even I have the Light.”

 

“I don’t see it,” Ben’s mother grouses as she surreptitiously wipes at her eyes.

 

“Oh, you have to look deeply, very deeply,” Snoke smiles wickedly, “but it’s there.  It’s not enough, of course.  That is why I created the Skywalkers.  Because I myself am not capable of balancing the Force.”

 

Snoke reverts to his teaching now.  “The two sides of the Force coexist in the universe and in ourselves.  Neither side can win in the end.  Both the Jedi and the Sith missed that fundamental concept,” Snoke muses as he shakes his head.  “Neither tradition ever learned that the Force defaults to balance.  Both in the aggregate and in an individual.  When you veer too far to one extreme, the Force calls you back to the center.  It took me over a millennium to understand that concept.  It is so simple and yet so complex,” he marvels. 

 

Snoke loves talking about the Force, Rey sees.  It’s a strange irony that Luke Skywalker spurned her as a pupil, but Snoke can’t seem to shut up about the Force.  Pretty much everything Rey knows she has taught herself, learned from Ben, or learned from Snoke.  Rey has heard this particular point before from Ben, but Leia Organa only knows the rudiments of the old school Jedi teaching.  She looks very skeptical of Snoke’s words. 

 

“So you are saying the Force is already in balance?” The princess is confused.

 

“No.  I’m saying that the Force is always in flux and constantly seeking balance.  It shifts time and again.  Sometimes Force users push it one direction or another, sometimes the galaxy at large pushes, and sometimes the Force pushes back.”

 

“Balance is not equality,” he warns.  “The Force is not fair.  It’s more like rough justice on a grand scale.  But balance exists, for I have witnessed it in the galaxy and in myself.  Balance explains why a Dark Master such as I am moved now and then to acts of mercy in the Light.  Balance is also why the purest among the Light are drawn to be curious and compassionate towards those in Darkness.  Those moments are not crises of conscience or lapses in faith, as the Jedi and Sith once taught.  They are the consequence of great power.  Never forget that Force users are an aberration.  Whether we are Light or Dark, we disturb the default grey stasis.  And so, from time to time we self-correct.  That is balance in action as the Force rights itself within us.”

 

This is all too abstract for Leia Organa.  She puts it in simple terms.  “Opposites attract? Is that it?”

 

“Where Force users are concerned, sometimes yes.  When Darkness rises, the Light steps up to meet it.  Sometimes in conflict, sometimes not.”  Snoke again glances at Rey.  “The powerful Darkness of Kylo Ren met the powerful Light of Rey.  That was no accident.  That was destiny.”

 

“That’s what Ben said,” Rey nods and whispers aloud.

 

“You are my destiny?”  Leia Organa rolls her eyes.  “That’s the worst pickup line ever,” she gripes.  She’s still very much out of sorts from the mention of her dead husband.  She slants a sideways glance at Rey.  “You really fell for that?”

 

Snoke chuckles and points out, “It’s a foolproof pickup line if it’s true.”

 

Leia Organa crosses her arms and lifts her chin as she glares up at Snoke towering over her.  “You know, a lot of what you describe sounds less like destiny and more like your manipulations.”

 

“You flatter me,” Snoke grins.  “Do it again, Princess.”  Snoke’s sudden smile transforms his bizarre face and makes him oddly relatable.  Up close in the bright sunlight, he is hideous to look at but Rey has quickly become used to his deformities.  Snoke was once a handsome man, Rey suspects.  Certainly, a charismatic one.  Vestiges of that charm remain.  From his dry wit to his devilish grin to his unexpected laugh, this Dark Master is a man of many moods and expressions.  

 

“I still say destiny sounds more like hindsight than anything,” the princess sniffs.  “I refuse to cede responsibility over my life to the Force.  I believe in the Force, I can even use the Force, but there’s no mystical energy field that controls my destiny.”

 

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Snoke mocks her gently.  “Next, you’re going to tell me it’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

 

“Well . . . no,” the princess hedges.  And then she and Snoke go on verbally poking at one another while Rey listens. 

 

There is as much bickering on these walks as there is talk of the Force.  Leia Organa and Snoke have developed a strange relationship.   If Rey didn’t know better, she’d think they secretly like one another.  But maybe it’s just that they enjoy each other as an adversary.  It’s a verbal brawl, not actual fisticuffs.  But if that shot of lightning Rey remembers deterred the princess, it sure doesn’t show.  Snoke constantly baits his granddaughter and Leia Organa seldom turns down a chance to argue.  They fight about everything from politics to Ben to the war to history.  

 

The only thing they don’t fight about much is the Force and that is because the princess doesn’t care to discuss the Force.  And that must explain why Snoke was induced to agree to these walks in the first place.  Because it’s clear that Snoke is itching for his granddaughter to learn the Force.  It’s almost like it’s an affront to the family name for a Skywalker to remain untrained in the Force.  It subverts Snoke’s entire purpose in creating his family, and Rey suspects the princess fully appreciates that angle. 

 

In fact, Leia Organa seems more reluctant than ever to pursue the subject.  She seems far more intimidated by the lightning shot by her than the lightning shot at her.  Snoke knows it too.  So he tweaks her about that episode incessantly.  When the princess gets worked up, Snoke gleefully goads her, “Show me some more lightning, Lady Vader.”

 

Ben’s mother responds how she always responds.  “Stop calling me that,” she decrees in quelling tones.  It’s a frosty dignity that would impress even old Milo.

 

“What do you prefer to be called?” Snoke inquires innocently one day when the topic arises yet again.

 

“General.”

 

“I prefer Princess,” Snoke smiles benignly. “The war is over.  Let us move past all reminders of it.”  

 

“No one calls me princess anymore,” Leia Organa informs him.

 

“It’s pity.  How about I call you Vice Chancellor?   My Senate needs a Vice Chancellor.  You are an excellent choice.”

 

Leia Organa’s eyes narrow and she thinks a long moment as she decides.  “Co-Chancellor,” she counters firmly.

 

That prompts a chuckle from old Snoke.  “You drive a hard bargain.  The offer is for Vice Chancellor.  But I will make you a deal.  I will call you anything you like if you call me Master,” he drawls.  

 

The princess shoots him an indignant and annoyed glare.  “Never!”

 

“I’ll call you Master if you let me out of my cell,” Rey pipes up.

 

“Rey!”  Leia Organa disapproves. 

 

But Rey doesn’t back down.  She wants out of that cell.   

 

Snoke catches the indignant looks exchanged between the two women and smirks.  “I admire your ruthless pragmatism, Rey.  Truly, I do.  But you will remain where you are for the time being.   Now then, Madame Vice Chancellor,” he turns back to the princess. “Where were we?”

 

Snoke does this a lot.  His mind skips from topic to topic and back again.   His moods, like his mind, are capricious.  But always very logical, Rey has noticed.  Snoke now goes back to pontificating and she and the princess absently nod along.

 

“You were telling us why women did not make good Sith,” the princess prompts him without enthusiasm.  “Normally, I would argue that attitude is sexist, but under the circumstances I rather think it a compliment to women.  We are too good for Darkness,” she says haughtily.

 

Snoke grunts.  “I have never been much for the bad girls,” he shares a little too much information.  “I like my women in the Light.  But I like women in general.  I always have,” Snoke confides.   “It’s one reason I made a terrible Jedi.”

 

“Among other things,” Leia Organa observes dryly. 

 

“Naturally,” Snoke agrees without offense.  “Women did not make good Sith and I did not make a good Jedi,” he summarizes.   “You would have been a terrible Jedi too,” he tells Leia Organa. “You have far too much emotion clouding your reason.  Not like young Rey here.  She has the heroic spirit of a true Jedi.   And she is repressed and detached enough to excel as a Light Side nun.”

 

“Except for the pregnant part,” the princess points out as Rey’s face flames.  The older woman instantly cringes at her own unintended cattiness.  “Oh, Rey, I’m sorry.  That came out wrong,” Leia Organa says weakly. 

 

Snoke brushes the comment aside.  “Do not be ashamed.   Chaste Rey surrendered into the arms of the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  A master slaying, galaxy conquering hero of Darkness.  And not,” he looks pointedly at the princess, “a small-time drug smuggler whose greatest claim to fame aside from an assist on the Death Star was a Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs.   Really, the man was unworthy of you,” Snoke chides Ben’s mother.  “Such a poor decision for a life partner.  It’s no wonder the marriage was a failure.”

 

“Twelve.  It was twelve parsecs,” Rey corrects.  “Under twelve parsecs.”  But no one’s listening.

 

“Han had many good qualities,” Leia Organa’s brow furrows.

 

Snoke raises an eyebrow at this claim but he eschews a debate on the specifics.  Instead, he summarizes to devastating effect.  “All the men in your life have let you down, have they not?   Your husband walked away, your brother hid away, and your son ran away.”  Snoke sounds surprisingly sympathetic as he assures her, “Never fear, Madame Vice Chancellor, I am not the flighty type.  I am not going anywhere.  And you’re on the winning team this time.”

 

The princess frowns, Rey frowns, and Snoke flashes another sly grin.  Watching this exchange, Rey realizes that Ben’s mother is just as much a prisoner as she is.  Maybe more so since she is an actual member of the family.  More and more, Rey understands that among the clan of the Chosen Ones, everything political is personal and vice versa.  Because when you're a Skywalker with the magical Force, your choices in life are surprisingly limited.  And stark.   You pick a side and stick with it . . . until you die or you switch sides.   Power and politics are the goal, never happiness, Rey sees.  It makes her more determined than ever to escape.  She didn’t survive Jakku to end up here.  Rey wants better than this.  For herself and for this baby she is slowly getting used to.

 

The weeks pass slowly.  Rey grows to depend on her nightly stolen moments with Ben, her interviews with his mother and Hux, and her weekly Force lesson with Snoke.  These limited interactions with the outside world form a comforting routine. That’s why the sudden prospect of losing her walk one rainy Wednesday is distressing. Rey is being marched upstairs as usual when one glance out the window puts things in doubt. 

 

“Hux is early,” the trooper on her left comments offhand.  Rey follows the direction of his helmet to look through the large window at the landing pad many meters away.  Descending to park upfront is a First Order shuttle flanked by its security escort of four TIEs.

 

“Good thing,” the trooper on her right responds.  “I doubt he will be taking his walk today.  Look at those clouds.”  The ‘he’ always refers to Snoke, of course.  Just like the ‘we’ always refers to the First Order. 

 

The sky is very dark and overcast, Rey sees.  As if to punctuate the trooper’s prediction, a streak of lightning races across the clouds and seconds later thunder booms.  Yes, it is definitely about to rain.  The trooper on the right has sympathy in his voice as he turns to Rey.  “Sorry, Miss.  But it looks like we’ll be putting you back in your cell today.”

 

Rey must look crestfallen because the other guard tries to cheer her up as they keep walking.  “Maybe tomorrow, Miss.  Or maybe he will let us walk you about the house for a few minutes before we go back down.  Don’t worry.  We’ll ask.”

 

Rey nods and swallows her disappointment. 

 

The troopers now dutifully complete their orders by delivering Rey into the main foyer where Leia Organa awaits her and Snoke.  Ben’s mother is gowned for the occasion like an exiled queen at her leisure.  All her stately elegance is a sharp contrast to Rey’s bedraggled, loose fitting dress she has slept in for three days now. 

 

At Rey’s approach, the princess moves in for an embrace.  Leia Organa always greets Rey with a motherly hug now.  This time, she lingers a moment to murmur into Rey’s ear, “Stay alert.  This could be your chance.”   Then the princess turns to Rey’s guards.  “See to her restraints, please,” she orders as if she were the one in charge. 

 

“Negative.  Leave those cuffs on for now,” the lead trooper instructs his colleague.  “We’ll only have to put them back on to take her back down below.  Stay here while I go find out the plan.  Where is he?”

 

“In the library,” Leia Organa answers. 

 

The trooper departs for the library and now it’s just Leia Organa, Rey, and the one remaining guard. 

 

“Ah, here comes the general,” Leia Organa observes as General Hux can be seen striding fast up the main path with many aides in tow.

 

“Here comes the rain too,” the remaining trooper observes affably.  “For sure no walk today, ladies. Sorry about that.”

 

Leia Organa nods and turns to the trooper.  She speaks in a low, very firm voice, “You will remove her restraints and remain here at attention when the door opens.”  

 

Rey can’t miss the heavy suggestion in the Force that comes with her instructions.  Rey’s eyes widen as Leia Organa nods conspiratorially to her.  And now, Rey is already mentally judging the distance to the landing pad and looking for guards.   Can she do this?  Yes, she can do this.  She has to do this.

 

As Ben’s mother again employs the Jedi mind trick, Rey realizes that this princess might not to use the Force but she knows how.  Has she been playing dumb with Snoke this whole time?   Something tells Rey that Leia Organa has been attempting to lull her captors into complacency too.  But rather than save herself, Ben’s mother is plotting to save Rey.

 

The trooper repeats his instructions and then unlocks Rey’s handcuffs.  Leia Organa stealthily motions for Rey to remain with her hands together as though still cuffed.  Rey keeps her back to the rest of the house facing the door.   A quick glance from anywhere behind them would show nothing out of the ordinary to cause alarm. 

 

Leia Organa has clearly been reasoning through an escape strategy.  She leans in close now to advise under her breath, “Don’t make your move until Hux’s guys get through the door.  Wait until you are outside to run.  Steal a TIE not the shuttle.  The shuttle will have a pilot onboard and it’s easier to spot.  This is the best chance you’ll get.”

 

Rey nods.  Her heart begins racing as adrenaline kicks in.  Is this really happening?   Yes, this is happening.  Right now.  Rey looks over at Ben’s mother and decides she trusts this Rebel princess’ instincts.  Leia Organa snuck off the Death Star, after all. “Thank you,” Rey breathes out.  

 

“That might be my grandchild,” the princess continues sotto voce.  “But either way, I don’t want another child in this family lost to Darkness.  Good luck, Rey.”   Leia Organa now gives her a hard look.  “Whatever happens, don’t turn back.  Understand?  Let them threaten me.  That’s fine.  Don’t turn back for any reason.  Got it?”

 

Rey doesn’t get a chance to respond.  Into the villa now sweeps the soggy general Hux in his sharp uniform and dripping greatcoat.  Behind him file in five aides who crowd the foyer some more.   Hux is barking orders as he arrives and his subordinates flock about him to hang on every word.  So by the time the general and his entourage turn to acknowledge the waiting princess, they don’t notice that Rey, who had been standing there, has slipped out through the door.  With the trooper standing at rigid attention and the princess waiting calmly, there is no sign of anything amiss.  And then the unmistakable booming baritone of Snoke hollers, “General!” as the Dark Master himself slowly approaches from down the hall.   That distracts everyone’s attention for a few seconds more. 

 

That’s all the time Rey needs to get a good head start.  It’s now or never, she thinks as she makes a beeline for the nearest TIE. 


	39. Chapter 39

Rey runs like she has never run before, springing fast over the soft damp turf that has far more traction than the shifting sands on Jakku. The ground is wet and slippery and she almost goes down once, but Rey is fleet on her feet and recovers fast.

Her adrenaline is racing and her senses are on alert. It gives her focus. Rey knows she will only get one chance at this. Today, she will get free or die trying, she decides. And dying is a distinct possibility. Because it's only seconds after Rey slips out the door when she is spotted. She hears shouts from behind her and now an alarm starts to wail incessantly. It only makes her run faster. Her chest is heaving and her heart feels like it might burst. But still, Rey runs.

She can outrun the armored men on foot behind her but she can't outrun the pair of guards on speeder bikes heading straight for her. Rey throws up a hand in their direction as she summons the Force. The resulting push throws the men off their bikes. But the effort slows her down and Rey suddenly realizes that she has pursuers running towards her too, hoping to intercept her before she reaches the landing pad. Again, Rey throws up her arm and pushes the men down. When it comes to the Force, Rey is untrained but determined, like she had been on Starkiller Base. She blindly flails her way to tricks Luke Skywalker had declined to teach her and Ben Solo had dogged her to learn. Too late, Rey regrets not allowing Ben to teach her more than just the history and philosophy of the Light and Dark Sides.

But still, the Force is with her today. It never lets Rey down when she is truly desperate. On the Starkiller, on the _Supremacy_ , at Crait, and here today too, the Force is with her. And maybe it's with the Skywalker baby she's carrying too. For generation after generation, Ben's clan seems to survive despite long odds. In slavery, in hiding, in exile, or in war, the Skywalkers endure.

After those Force pushes, Rey's pursuers abandon their strategy to physically capture her. Their goal now shifts to incapacitate her before she steals a ship. That's when the shooting starts. Frantic Rey now remembers Ben's advice to his mother about how to concentrate and think her down to break Snoke's Force hold. So Rey focuses and wills the hail of incoming blaster shots to stop. Incredibly, it works. A few shots slip through, but Rey succeeds in freezing the vast majority of the blaster shots coming her way with her newfound skill. Just when she's getting good, Rey gets a slight graze on her left arm. It reveals that the weapons are set to stun. Because instead of a flashburn, the glancing impact makes Rey's entire arm instantly go numb. It's a weird feeling she tries to ignore.

Rey is fifty meters from the landing pad now. She has her eye on the nearest TIE that she hopes is still idling as it powers down. Unfortunately, the landing pad also has plenty of men. In addition to more troopers, Rey sees some of the ground crew and even the TIE pilots coming towards her with guns drawn. Everyone is mobilizing to prevent her escape. With a deep breath, Rey summons the Force for another push. But she never gets the chance. Because from behind Rey comes a burst of blaster fire that takes out the nearest three troopers in a blink of an eye.

"What?" Rey's head whirls around over her shoulder.

Far behind her, huffing hard from the effort of her run stands Leia Organa. She's pumping out shots from a stolen stormtrooper rifle with the same eagle eye accuracy of her youthful Rebellion days. For this woman is no textbook general, but a seasoned combat veteran of two wars. "Run!" the princess commands Rey with the steely certainty that took down two Death Stars and the Starkiller Base.

That's the encouragement Rey needs right now. As the princess lays down cover fire, Rey tosses the rest of the oncoming men with the Force. Finally, she makes it to the landing pad. Seconds later, she's scrambling in a ship, strapping in with her one good arm, and taking off. That experience flying a TIE in mock dogfights with Ben is about to pay off. Suddenly, Rey realizes that she might actually get away.

As she's slamming at the controls to break gravity, Rey looks up in time to see Leia Organa still shooting. Giant Snoke is striding up behind her, moving far faster than Rey would ever have guessed. The Dark Master has a clawed hand upraised towards Rey's ship. Is he? Yes, he is. Rey feels the TIE shudder and its engines strain. The repulsolifts kick in but just barely because the TIE is being held down by the Force. Angered, Rey toggles the weapons controls on the throttle, takes aim, and fires at the towering man. The distraction works. As Snoke freezes the TIE's deadly laser fire with the Force, his concentration breaks. Rey's ship lurches upward to takeoff. The last thing Rey sees on the ground is Leia Organa being unceremoniously plucked off her feet and thrown over Snoke's shoulder kicking and screaming as she is dragged back to the main house.

But there's no time to dwell on that because Rey knows she is in a race against time. If the shield gate closes before she can slip through, Rey will be trapped in the restricted airspace that protects Snoke's compound. Gunning it for the giant oculus in the sky, Rey doesn't waste time on the TIEs that are scrambled from the ground in hot pursuit. Engaging them will only delay her and Rey doesn't have time to waste. Already, Rey can see that the shield gate is closing fast.

She slips through at the last second, taking a hard shot to her left wing in the process. The TIE closing in from behind shooting for her is not so lucky. It smashes hard into the closed shield gate and ricochets off into a spin to crash hard to the ground. Luckily, the damage to Rey's ship is minimal, but another hit on the left side and she will be disabled for sure. And that's a problem. Because no sooner is she through the shield gate into the upper Naboo atmosphere than she is met by a full squadron of TIE interceptors. And now, it's a dogfight for sure.

Rey doesn't have time to think. She's acting on instinct as her ship is swarmed. This isn't a simulation, it's real. And even though Rey has excellent skills, she is far outnumbered. These guys engage her but they aren't shooting much. Instead, she is being herded towards a First Order cruiser and its companion star destroyer that are looming close. If her ship gets caught in their tractor beams, this chase is immediately over, Rey knows. And then, she'll be back in her cell . . . or worse. So, Rey takes a calculated risk and dives for the surface away from the capital ships. She needs to get to hyperspace to buy some time. She figures if Han Solo can jump to hyperspace from within a ship, she can do it from the atmosphere of Naboo.

But where to jump? Rey is feeling desperate so she selects the closest preprogrammed jump in the navicomputer and punches it. Immediately, the fast streaking horizon gives way to the undulating blue swirls of hyperspace.

Rey allows herself a brief moment to exhale.

Where is she going? It doesn't matter because it's only a temporary stop. No doubt, she is being tracked right now. Between the First Order's hyperspace tracking capability, the TIE's own transponder tracker onboard, and the tracking chip in her arm, there's no way for Rey to hide and she only has the briefest head start.

First things first, Rey hunts around to turn off the TIE's internal tracking device. All ships in the First Order fleet have a built-in transponder constantly broadcasting their position. It's a measure designed to assist with rescue and recovery of disabled combat ships, but it can be used to locate her. Older model Imperial TIEs had this same tech that Rey salvaged once or twice from old wrecks back on Jakku. She thinks she locates the right mechanism on this First Order version as she rips at the wires. But she's not sure. So for the sake of caution, Rey takes the risk of disabling the TIE's entire communications system. She's taking no chances today.

Next, she turns her attention to the tracking chip inside her. It's in a pellet embedded under the skin on the underside of her arm halfway between her elbow and her shoulder. Thankfully, it's in her left arm that is currently numb from the stun shot. The only problem is that she doesn't have a knife. She needs a knife. Scratching at the pellet with her fingernails won't help, Rey know from experience. She's already tried.

Unfortunately, TIEs, even the longer range versions like this one, are built for utility and not comfort. Their cockpits are no frills so there are limited standard supplies kept onboard. Rey locates a small first aid kit straightaway. It has a couple of bacta bandages that will be useful afterwards but no knife. Next, she finds hydration tablets and protein bars that will be useful but only if she escapes. Other than that, she has a small toolkit with rudimentary small utensils but nothing very sharp.

With a glance over at the timer on the navicomputer, Rey feels a bit desperate now. This is a very short jump, so the reversion clock is ticking down fast. As soon as she exits into normal space, Rey knows she needs to jump again before her pursuers show up to use hyperspace tracking to catch her once more. A quick glance at her fuel gauge reveals that she can't play a prolonged version of this game of cat-and-mouse. But so long as the tracker in her arm is still transmitting, nowhere is safe. Reversion now becomes her deadline to dig the pellet out of her arm. Because if the ship's transponder is turned off, the bio-tracker isn't functioning, and Rey can jump again before a First Order capital ship shows up to use its hyperspace tracking, she can slip away.

With a deep breath, Rey grabs a depressingly dull screwdriver, tears at the sleeve of her dress, and gets to work scratching away. Thanks to Jakku, Rey isn't the squeamish type but this is pretty gross. She is definitely going to have nightmares about this. Thank goodness her arm is numb. She's praying she doesn't hit an artery doing this. After much poking and digging around, Rey finally has success. The pellet emerges as a small flat disk just under the skin. Rey slaps a bacta patch on her bleeding arm and then starts pounding away at the pellet with the small hammer from the toolkit. The darn thing is tough. Rey puts some muscle into it now as she nervously eyes the reversion clock. She's running out of time to destroy the pellet before she exits hyperspace and it transmits her position again. She will never be able to jump to a secret position unless she breaks the pellet's internal mechanism. Over and over again, Rey pounds. With seconds to spare, the pellet finally shatters. But for good measure, Rey keeps pounding it to tiny bits.

The ship now reverts to normal space with a thud and a lurch. The blue swirls of lightspeed in the cockpit window dissolve into the pitch black of space. There don't seem to be any other ships around, so this must have been a rendezvous point for a First Order convoy or a temporary refueling stop along the way to Naboo. But whatever the reason for these prior jump coordinates, there don't seem to be any threats here . . . yet. Rey figures she has thirty seconds tops to jump again before the First Order shows up to track her next move. But where to go? Rey's trembling hands hover uncertainly over the navicomputer's controls. There isn't time to deliberate. There is only time to act. And so, with precious seconds ticking away, Rey impulsively punches in the hyperspace coordinates she has memorized from past use. This is just a temporary stop, Rey promises herself, as she glances again at the fuel gauge and decides right then and there to head back to Jakku.

It's an eighteen hour journey. Hopefully, that will be sufficient time for Rey to cut herself off from the Force like Master Luke. She figures she will do what she has always done and just imitate what she has seen before. That's pretty much the only way Rey has ever learned to use the Force.

* * *

The bond doesn't open today. That has Kylo alarmed. Never once since Rey's capture has the Force failed to connect them for at least a few moments alone. Kylo goes about his business pushing aside his growing sense of unease. But it's never far from his mind. He can't shake the bad feeling that he has about Rey.

When later that day he receives a summons from his Master, Kylo is certain that something is wrong. Very wrong. He drops everything and burns up the hyperdrive of his command shuttle to get to Naboo. When the Force still fails to open the bond along the way, it has now been two days Naboo time since he has spoken with Rey. Kylo is more convinced than ever that something is wrong.

Milo meets him on the landing platform, as usual. The faithful old retainer bows low but does not smile. "Welcome, Supreme Leader. Please follow me. The Master is waiting for you now."

Snoke receives him in the garden. His Master's back is turned as Kylo approaches to kneel. As he makes his obligatory obeisance, Kylo looks up to see Rey's saber clasped in Snoke's hands held behind his back. That is not a good sign.

"Arise, Apprentice." Snoke does not turn. He nods to Milo. "Bring the princess," he requests.

Kylo watches in silence as a squad of troopers marches his ashen faced mother out from the main house. All he can think is that her face looks like death.

That has his intuition immediately triggered. Now, Kylo fears, all of his foreboding makes sense. "Where is she? Where is Rey?" he rasps.

Snoke turns around and nods to his mother. "Tell him, Princess."

"Ben, I'm sorry," she begins. Watching his mother, Kylo can tell that she is upset. She looks like she has been crying. A lot. "I'm sorry," Leia Organa repeats.

"Sorry about what?" he interrupts. He's impatient with her hesitant stammering. She needs to spit it out. This woman has never been one to sugarcoat bad news.

His mother tries again. "I tried to help Rey escape. She got as far as a ship."

"A ship?" Kylo repeats stupidly. "She escaped on a ship?"

"I'm sorry—"

"Say it! Just say it!" Kylo demands through clenched teeth. He is very on edge.

"Rey is dead," his mother responds quietly. Her face is a mask of regret. She is sincere for Kylo can feel in the Force how much she believes her words.

Dead . . . Rey is dead . . . The words are meaningless. It's like they refuse to sink in.

Snoke steps forward now to hand him a datapad from a nearby table. It shows grainy security camera footage of a TIE racing fast for the rapidly closing shield gate. Kylo can spy two other TIEs close behind. The lead ship doesn't make it through and, unlike its followers, it doesn't pull up in time. Instead, it slams hard into the closed shield gate. The crumpled wreckage ricochets off to crash into the ground. The ship must have hit with its weaponry fully armed because it vaporizes on impact. No one could survive that crash, Kylo knows.

Still, he asks in a deliberately normal voice, "What is this?"

Snoke answers what panicking Kylo has already guessed. "Rey was in that ship."

Rey was in that ship . . . Kylo is struggling hard to keep his composure now. "Are you sure?" he chokes out.

"Yes. All other fighters are accounted for. She stole a ship and made a run for it. It didn't work." Snoke takes back the datapad to poke at it some more. Now it shows different footage of the same crash from a different angle than before. Watching the TIE combust on impact again, Kylo can't help but wince. Because Rey was in that ship . . . His face screws up in anguish as he hurls the datapad with that awful imagery away.

Kylo looks up at his solemn faced Master. Then he looks across to his mother's puffy face. Leia Organa sadly nods. "I'm sorry, Ben. This is my fault. I encouraged her to—"

"N-No . . ." he interrupts. It's like the word involuntary escapes out. For in the moment, Kylo is grief, rage, and anxiety beyond belief. "No! NOOOOOO!" Kylo explodes his emotions in the Force. It is a reflexive act, more self-preservation than self-expression. For he cannot contain the torrent of emotions that overwhelm him now. "NOOOOOO!" he cries out his pain. He is a Skywalker, born mostly Dark by nature, and he feels things deeply. Rage, fear, sadness. Loss, frustration, hopelessness. All this and more rushes up fast and Kylo instinctively channels it into power. It releases to radiate out from him in a shockwave of Force, overturning the garden furniture, splintering nearby trees, and flattening the gazebo behind them. For violent destruction is the default expression of Dark power.

His mother shrieks out her shock. She looks around warily with wide eyes.

His Master just looks on in silence. And is that disapproval in his face?

Maybe he should be ashamed. Kylo hasn't lost control like this since he was fifteen and woke to his uncle's sword poised over him. But that's what this feels like now. Like things will never, ever be the same after this. That knowledge has him reckless and his grief has him raw. Kylo stares angrily first at his mother and then at his Master. He can't decide who to blame.

"Ben—" his mother looks scared as she says his name.

But Kylo is not done venting his emotions yet, for his head is just now catching up with his heart. Blue fire shoots from his upraised splayed fingertips, spraying Force about them as he rages, "You killed her!" Hot tears begin to streak down his cheeks. Kylo Ren is consumed by his emotions now and all of them are Dark. "You killed her!" he accuses his Master.

Snoke does not react. His Master makes no apologies or expressions of sympathy. He is coldly objective about this loss. "She took the risk and it went badly."

"She is an excellent pilot!" Kylo retorts.

"This wasn't a dogfight, it was a straight shot to the shield gate. The ship she was in wasn't fast enough and she didn't turn back." Snoke gives him an impassive, cursory summary of the facts.

"I'm sorry," his mother starts towards him again, her arms outstretched for an embrace. Kylo brushes her off.

And now, Kylo finds his tongue and he sputters out his rage. "She didn't want any of this! She didn't want the Resistance or the First Order . . . not really . . . she was apolitical until she found that droid. She didn't have any ambitions other than finding her family. . . she was just an average person with the Force . . . she wanted to survive the war and to end it more than she wanted to win . . . " He is heartbroken now as he recalls the wretched girl who more than anything wanted to be normal. But she turned out extraordinary instead. And that had been her downfall in the end. "Every time she left for Jakku, she kept getting dragged back in. You wanted to use her as your token Jedi!" he accuses to his mother. Then, he whirls on his Master now. "You wanted to use her as a hostage!"

"You used her for your peace deal," Snoke reminds him evenly. "We all wanted something from Rey. And more than Rey was lost today," Snoke scowls.

He's talking about the baby he claims for his own, Kylo knows. Kylo could care less about that. He was never much keen on fatherhood, even if it was his kid. And Rey hadn't been enthusiastic either. The loss here is Rey. His beloved Rey. The scavenger girl who kissed him with abandon one minute and told him off the next. Rey, oh Rey! Kylo simply cannot fathom the meaning of this news.

"It was fast. She did not suffer," his mother clearly thinks she is being helpful by saying this.

"She is dead!" Kylo lashes out. With little hope, he turns to Snoke and asks, "Can you bring her back?" He's fully prepared to beg for this. He is unabashedly desperate now. "Please, I will do whatever you ask. I can't live without her," Kylo confesses as his voice cracks.

His Master shakes his head. "I cannot bring her back."

"Why not?" he demands.

"Rey was a Force user, and a powerful one at that. The Force defaults to balance, so what I coax back into the realm of the living, I must yield in equal amount to the dead."

"Meaning what?" Kylo isn't following.

"There must be a sacrifice of Force power to get a Force user back."

"Fine," Kylo decides. He thinks he understands. "Take her Force." He points to his mother. "She doesn't use it anyway."

Snoke declines. "I need your mother for my Senate. Even if I could revive Rey, I would not sacrifice your mother to do it. But that is not an option. The girl is gone. There is no body to revive."

"So that's how I finally kill you?" Kylo demands. "That's how I get my revenge—I destroy your body next time around?" It's not a question. It is a reckless threat made by a man past caring about the consequence.

"Apprentice, your grief has overcome your judgement," Snoke reproves. His tone is slow and warning. But he declines to punctuate his words with the expected lightning shot. Maybe his Master does have some sympathy today if he is feeling that magnanimous, Kylo thinks.

"I'm so sorry, Ben," his mother tries again. For once, she actually looks sincere. Like this isn't her pretend sad face for the holonet newsfeed highlight reel before she launches into a sappy speech about the Resistance.

But sorry is no consolation for this loss. He's crying like a child now. It's humiliating and honest but also very Dark. For in his grief, Kylo Ren is selfish to the core. This is all about him and his loss.

His Master's ruined features take on an almost kindly look now. Snoke's face reveals the closest the hardened Dark Master can come to actual empathy. "Death is the way of the Force. It is the natural order of things," he soothes.

And that's bullshit, Kylo thinks, coming from this unnaturally old, resurrected former Sith. It's an empty platitude coming from the man who imprisoned and ultimately killed Rey. "You did this!" Kylo accuses. "You killed her! You didn't have to kill her," he wails.

Snoke takes no offense at this latest outburst. Instead, he counsels, "Embrace this pain. It will mature your power. Make her loss your gain." For the briefest of moments, Snoke actually looks uncomfortable. "That is what I did when Sidious murdered my wife. That is what Vader did when the Jedi murdered his beloved. Now, it is your turn."

Leia Organa bristles. "The Jedi didn't—"

"Wrong. They did," Snoke overrides her with a quelling look. He turns back to his Apprentice. "Be greater for having loved Rey, not lesser for having lost her. She would want that for you."

Not really, Kylo thinks. Rey wouldn't want him Darker. "This is why you killed her!" he understands as insight flashes up. "For power! You used her for that baby and then you killed her for power when she tried to escape!"

"I did not kill her," Snoke corrects. "She took a foolish risk aided and abetted by your mother. She paid for her failure with her life." And now, his Master starts speaking again of his own experience. "Heed my words when I tell you that my wife's death ultimately served to increase my power. My pain gave focus to my anger to intensify my emotions. It increased my ability to channel the Force." Snoke nods as he teaches. It's a bizarre yet sincere reminisce for this is the twisted perspective of the Dark Side. "Ultimately, my wife's loss was my gain. The same was true for your grandfather with his wife. In time, so shall it be for you with Rey."

And this is typical Snoke. Power is his angle on all things. He keeps talking in that sagely tone of his which grates. "Did you plan this all along?" Kylo demands. He wouldn't put this past Snoke. The man is capable of anything. He's as manipulative as they come, with multiple motives and purposes for everything.

"Did I plan for her to escape and kill herself in the process?" Snoke says bitterly. "No. Your mother was her enabler. Blame her." His Master points a long, clawed finger at Leia Organa.

"This is my fault," his worried looking mother hastens to accept responsibility. She's glancing warily at Snoke, no doubt worried that another fight is about to break out. But Kylo can't fault his mother much, he knows perfectly well that Rey was always going to attempt escape when she got the chance. His mother didn't plant the seed for that plan. At most, she gave encouragement. This would have happened with or without Leia Organa's help. The person at fault here is Snoke, Kylo decides. Because but for his capture of Rey as his hostage, there would be no need for escape.

Kylo closes his eyes now as a fresh wave of pain washes over him. Damn, this is such hard news to take. The image of the fireball the TIE made plowing into the ground fills his mind's eye. Rey . . . oh, Rey . . . why did it have to end like this? He finds one person in the galaxy who understands and cares for him, and now she is gone.

His Master keeps speaking in an uncharacteristically conciliatory manner. It is a very unsatisfactory response to Kylo's intense anger at him. "Apprentice, I am old enough to know that the harshest lessons in life can be very illuminating in the long term. The path to power often runs through pain. Just like the path to truth often runs through shame. Embrace this loss and learn from it."

But he's heard enough about silver linings from Rey's death. Kylo Ren is raging and lusting for violence. "I will kill you for good someday!" Kylo vows to his Master. "I will kill you for this!"

Snoke merely steps forward now and hands over Rey's saber. "May the Force be with her and with her son," he intones.

"I hate you!" Kylo is vicious but sincere. His eyes dart over to his mother. "I hate you both!"

"Walk away, Apprentice," Snoke orders softly. "Walk away now and reflect on what you have learned."

His mother nods earnestly to endorse that command. Her face now holds all the compassion and understanding his younger self once craved. But he's a man long grown and this empty sympathy is too little, too late. Kylo turns away from her in disgust.

"Walk away," Snoke orders again. "Go back to the command ship and await my orders there."

Kylo stares down at his grandfather's saber in his hands. It's Rey's saber now after all the retrofitting to the handle she did. He is tempted to light this sword and thrust it at his Master's heart, but Kylo resists. Instead, he follows orders and is dismissed.

It is a long, silent, and tearful ride back to the _Finalizer_. When he gets there, Kylo disembarks, lights his sword, and hacks away at the nearest parked TIE. He needs violence to balm this pain. Lots and lots of violence ensues for days afterwards to vent his aching soul. For years, he has felt torn apart between his allegiance to the Light and the Dark. But that torment was nothing compared to the agony of Rey's loss.

Kylo Ren has seen and caused a lot of death over the years. Death to nameless, faceless billions on both sides of his war. Death to his trusting Padawan classmates he once called friends. Death to his father who stood beseeching him as Kylo ignited his sword. Death to his phantom uncle who exhausted himself by projecting in the Force. Kylo Ren is used to death. But this death is different from all the rest. Rey's death is a personal loss like nothing he has ever experienced. Kylo is completely undone.

He hurts, oh how he hurts. And when Kylo Ren hurts, he wants others to suffer too. But the war is over and there is no enemy to destroy and there are no prisoners of war to execute. Peace has robbed him of his convenient outlets for bloodlust. And so, all Kylo's rage at the injustice of the situation, all his sadness at the loss of his love, focuses inward. He follows his Master's advice and channels it into Dark power. The Force obeys his commands quicker than ever these days. His senses are ridiculously sharp. He thinks even his meditation skills have improved. But still, Kylo would trade it all for Rey.

The Dark Side is not a lie, as his uncle and his mother had harped time and again during his youth. Its power is real and its promises are true. But they are not the whole truth. Yes, once you start down the Dark path forever will it dominate your destiny. But, as it turns out, it will dominate the destiny of those closest to you as well. In his descent into Darkness, Darth Vader had lost his Padme and his children. And now his grandson has lost his Rey and maybe an unborn son too. Maybe it is the fate of all Skywalkers to end up alone. For his divorced mother and his exiled uncle had not fared well in the Light. And Vader had lived his days as a lonely widower isolated in a mask and a suit. As Kylo Ren stands with his back to the _Finalizer_ 's bridge staring bleakly into space, all he can think is that heartbreak is one more family legacy he can do without. How he hates the cycle of tragedy and unhappiness the Skywalkers seem trapped in for generation after generation. But Kylo feels powerless to change it. In this, like so many other things, the forever Apprentice feels he has no choice. Destiny wins again . . . destiny always wins. And that is starting to chafe a lot.

End of Part Three

More to come soon.


	40. Chapter 40 Story Notes to Part 3

Hello and thanks for reading.   

 

Never fear, I know where this story is going.  I’ve known for quite a while now.   And it’s someplace a bit new for me.  So if you are worried that this is a rehash of _Ghosts of the Past/The Chosen One_ and—spoiler alert!--“dead” Rey is going to hide from Emperor Ren with a secret son for years, never fear.  And for the few of you who read _Fifth Wife_ and worry that—spoiler alert!--yet another pregnant Jedi girl cut off from the Force will end up destitute on her Dark lover’s doorstep because she can’t make it on her own, never fear.  Part 4 is heading a direction I toyed with but decided against for the ending for _The Chosen One_.   But it’s an ending that I have been wanting to write for a while.  I hope I can do it justice.

 

Those of you who have read my other stories may already have guessed where we are heading, for the intersection of the themes of family, love, and power is all over my stories.   Those concepts overlap a lot where the Skywalkers are concerned, and so those themes get shuffled and reshuffled in each plot.  They will get shuffled again here to a different result.  That focus reflects the fact that for me, Star Wars is less about war and the Force than it is about family.  Reylo especially is all about family.  It’s Rey and Kylo as the future of the Skywalker family, and it’s Snoke, Vader, Luke, and Leia as the past and current family.  That’s why there is always Skywalker drama in everything I write.  It usually culminates in a big family brawl at least once or twice.  This story is no exception.   These people are their own worst enemies.  The issues are always the same:  war, lies, betrayals, secrets, politics, and power.  They just get presented and resolved a little differently each time.

 

Where is this headed?  To the ultimate question for the Dark Side:  what will you sacrifice for power?  This dilemma occurs in every one of my stories in some fashion or another.  Different characters confront it differently.   This question is the defining moment of Kylo Ren's shocking, horrifying choice at the end of _Fulcrum_.  (Readers still send me angry comments and messages about that ending, but I stand by it).  It is the point of Snoke's game changing moment midway through _Ghosts of the Past_ when Luke versus Kylo and Snoke occurs and we get another version of the ROTJ throne room scene.  Power is the entire purpose of Snoke's failed connivings in _A New Hope_ and Snoke loses a future with Vader and maybe Leia due to his efforts to turn Luke.   Power (and love!) is the trashy plot motivation of Snoke in _Fulcrum 2_.  Darth Sidious ends up unwittingly sacrificing his own child to the Jedi due to his lust for power in _Red_.  When I finally get back to DARKER, Darth Malgus will outright confess to his Eleena that he loves her more than power . . . but that won’t be enough in the end for that Sith has enemies galore.  Anyhow, over and over again, my characters confront these decisions.  I have had characters sacrifice for love.  I have had characters sacrifice for power.  Sometimes these are conscious decisions, sometimes they are the result of Snoke’s machinations, and sometimes they are the result of war.  So look for more of the same for that stuff. 

 

Some of my usual plot touchstones reoccur in this story as well.  It’s not a blueenvelopes Reylo story if Rey doesn’t end up back on Jakku (Jakku is what defines Rey’s character), if she doesn’t wear a dress at some point (Rey would be the BEST Disney princess, don’t you think?), and if she doesn’t end up pregnant (see above—Reylo is about family). 

 

Rey’s literacy issues are in this fic because those issues are real.  My late grandmother was barely literate.  I remember my grandfather reading parts of the newspaper to her at the kitchen table.  It took me a long while to realize why he did that and to learn just how meager her education was.   It wasn’t something anyone wanted to discuss, for there is much shame in it.  I remember asking my mother why my grandmother would block print her name in all caps instead of sign it (this was back when people wrote checks) and my mother just brushed the question off.  For much of her life, my grandmother worked at low skilled jobs that required little in the way of reading and writing.  But she was very smart, very determined, and very dominant.  This lady had an outsize personality and she was in charge of everything.  Had she the right opportunities and education, she might have been anything.   But she didn’t, and she wasn’t.  She was an immigrant maid with a thick accent.  But she was strong in ways Hollywood would never celebrate.

 

I think my grandmother’s experience is partly why I have a hard time with all the perfect ‘girl power’ role models being thrust in women’s faces these days.  The media seems obsessed with presenting ‘strong female characters’ to us full of aspirational attributes, shiny hair, and sassy quips.  And that seems off to me.  Because many of the strong women I know in my own life don’t fit that bill.  Sometimes, they are strong in the ways they overcome their own shortcomings and problems.  And, often, they are strong in very traditional female roles as wives, mothers and daughters.  But I guess patience, kindness, forgiveness and understanding don’t make for good movie plots.  And that’s a shame because our world could use a little more of those virtues.  Lately, it seems like our world is male dominance run amok.  So why exactly do we think having women emulate some of those behaviors is the new ideal?  Swinging a weapon and killing people does not make you strong.  Isn’t that a message Kylo Ren needs to learn?  And yet many people keep wanting to see Rey do it more.   It’s a strange double standard of empowering women by making them act out the worst of male behavior.  (Captain Phasma, I am rolling my eyes at you!)  So, when you see women in my fics using the Force and swinging a lightsaber or shooting a gun, it’s pretty rare.  It’s always for a reason—usually self-defense or the defense of another.  (I guess the exception is _Fulcrum_ ’s rather Darkish Rey who is fierce.)  Maybe I’m just too old fashioned to want to see women on an equal footing with men in the arenas of violence and war.  I want the sexes to be equal, but that doesn’t mean I want them to be the same.  Vive la difference!  Anyhow, if “fight, Rey, fight!” is your thing, I’m not the author for you.

 

I’m also not the author for you if you want to read a lot of sex.  Sex only appears in my stories when it matters to the plot and characterization.  I don’t write gratuitous sex.  There’s plenty of that for Reylo fans if you go looking for it.  Not my thing.  There is rarely any arms’ length recreational sex in my stories (the exceptions are _Fulcrum_ and _You Need a Teacher_ with Kylo and his Knights partying).  Sex is almost always part of an established or developing relationship, and that’s how I personally think it should be in real life.  Of course, my Dark Side men have a strong streak of predator (less so in this story) so consent is sometimes an issue.  Sometimes there is consent to sex but not what else happens (Snoke in _Fifth Wife_ seducing a willing Jedi and then marrying her against her will) and sometimes there is consent to sex but not to feelings (Rey and Kylo’s attempt at arm’s length ‘just sex’ hookups during their separation in _Fulcrum 2_ ).  But sex=love for my Dark Side boys happens a lot.  Among my emotive Sith, there is no way for sex to be casual without feelings involved.   These men feel way too much for that and they latch on fast and forever.  Because when they feel, they feel deeply.  The Dark Side is obsessive and possessive like that. It’s a running trope in my stories that once my hero and heroine make it into bed, he starts talking marriage.  Sidious does this for Cresta in _Red_ during their single night together before Snoke breaks them up, Snoke marries bewildered Shan on the spot in _Fifth Wife_ , and Kylo spends most of _Ghosts_ attempting to marry Rey.  _Fulcrum_ Kylo just has his lawyers draw up the papers and announces they are married—that version of Kylo never asks permission for anything.  Anyhow, naturally, this story’s version of Kylo starts proposing as soon as he and Rey go to bed. 

 

This story dispenses with the ‘see the Light’ sexual epiphany that exists in a lot of my other tales.  I have grown tired of that concept.  It really muddles the emotional connection between the characters.  In some ways, it is as contrived a plot device as the Force bond trope.   So, none of that here.  Have I said I hate the Force bond?  I’m not keen on the Force bond.  There’s no way I was writing Kylo having sex with Rey in her cell via a Force bond.  I’m sure someone else has written that already, but not me.  

 

This story has the same ‘torn apart’ version of Light versus Dark competing in the Skywalker Chosen Ones.  This idea first appears in _Ghosts of the Past_ / _The Chosen One_ and is further developed here. I wanted to flesh out what it means for Kylo to be conflicted and why.  I also wanted show what a true aberration he is, even among Force users.  The man keeps struggling to be stable even though it is not in his nature.  The Force is both his greatest strength and his worst weakness.  More to come on that.

 

This story eschews my usual cast of supporting players. There are no knights of Ren (sorry Nestor and Cesi fans).  There is no Vanee haunting Vader’s castle while surreptitiously helping Rey. Only Milo (who I think is in every one of my stories but _His Padawan_ ) appears in passing here and there.  There just wasn’t a place for my usual original characters in this story. 

 

So, Rey is in jail again.  This time, she not a captive of the Resistance ( _Fulcrum_ ) or Kylo ( _The Chosen One_ ) or the First Order ( _His Padawan_ ).  She’s Snoke’s captive.  And that’s a change from Snoke’s rather benign, sometimes fatherly approach to Rey in other fics.  This fic also shows a lot more overt conflict between Snoke and Kylo than exists in most of my other fics.  There’s also a lot less of Snoke’s gleeful snark mixed with profound musings here.  And there are no wine soaked dinners with Snoke telling tales of Kylo’s youthful indiscretions as in _Ghosts_.  But a lot of the core of creepy Snoke remains in this story:   his long-range scheming, his willingness to turn every situation to his advantage, hints of his womanizing and his own sad past.  Snoke is a provoking guy and he rarely knows when to quit.  His overbearing nature always has him push a little too far.  (It’s not unlike how Kylo perceives Leia Organa, for this clan are all alike.)  In _Red_ , Snoke pushes too far with Sidious to disastrous results.  And here again, Snoke is getting between his Apprentice and his love—deliberately so.  Snoke has not learned his lesson.  It had major ramifications in the _Supremacy_ throne room in TLJ and it will have major repercussions later on.   If only Snoke would quit while he was ahead, he would get most of what he wants.  But he can’t help himself and he always goes too far and that is his undoing.  Snoke, of course, doesn’t see it that way.  He’s the hero in his own mind.  It’s others (Sidious, Luke, Kylo) who let him down.  It’s always everyone else’s fault, you see . . .  

 

So why does Snoke lie to Kylo about Rey’s death in this story?  It’s more manipulation to make Kylo his new Vader (who Snoke likens to himself, of course in _A New Hope_ ).  It’s probably also some payback for Kylo “killing” him in TLJ.  Old Darth Plagueis always gets his revenge.  Rey escaped but Snoke knows she won’t risk running to Kylo.   He’s already warned her about that.  So you are all wondering—is that Snoke’s Force baby?  Shouldn’t Snoke be worried that the Force bond will open and reveal that Rey is alive to Kylo?   Stay tuned to find out.  If you have read _A New Hope_ , you know that Snoke plays the long game.  In a post-Jedi Order world, he’s not going to fret about losing track of the next generation of baby Skywalkers (no one’s going to train that kid as a Jedi and “brainwash” them like Luke).  Snoke has watched the family lose track of kids twice before already, so he knows that thanks to the Force the baby will eventually show up.  (Maybe in a desert thanks to a droid . . . again!)

 

Our Rey is pregnant and back on Jakku.  Check that box from Kylo’s Force vision many chapters ago.   Don’t worry—our girl is a survivor and she’ll be fine.  It’s Kylo we should all be worried about.

 

In my mind, fan fiction is supposed to be creative and fun.  It’s not canon and never will be.  This is a place to explore ideas and characters, to create backstories and to muse over alternative plots.  If you have a strict narrative of who you think the SW characters are and how the story must turn out, then I am not the writer for you.   If you have a political or social agenda you want Reylo to achieve, then I am not the writer for you.   This story isn’t intended to be a prediction of how the sequel trilogy will resolve.  It’s just my fantasy world.  By all means, tell me what you like and don’t like in the comments.  I get a lot of good ideas and constructive criticism from reader comments.  But in the end, if you don’t like my story, you don’t have to read it.   I’m not a trained writer and this is just my escapist hobby from real life.  So, don’t expect too much.  I never mean to offend people and I try to post appropriate warnings and tags.  I’ve gotten better at that.  And, honestly, this story is pretty tame.  No triggers here.  But there is plenty of serious stuff in my other fics.  So, consider this a general warning that blueenvelopes goes there.  She always goes there and sometimes she goes farther than you might like.  I write for adults and there are no safe spaces on the Dark Side. 

 

Back soon with more. 


	41. Chapter 41

Rey exits hyperspace at Jakku in her stolen TIE and finds herself staring at a First Order cruiser.  Has she been tracked after all?  Or is this just an educated guess that she will head back to her homeworld?   It turns out to be nothing.  Just a strange coincidence.   But it’s the first of many times that Rey’s heart will skip a beat or she will look over her shoulder wondering if she has been caught.  It becomes a way of life, for she is on the run now.

 

Rey quickly patches the TIE’s communications system back online in time to receive a hail from the cruiser.  She is informed that her ship is the first from its convoy to emerge from hyperspace.  She is cleared for her reconnaissance flight and told to set the TIE down at the Niima Outpost.  Bewildered by this instruction but wanting to play along with her accidental ruse so as not to attract attention, Rey complies.  Only at the last moment, she veers east to land the TIE in the ships graveyard.  In a few days’ time, Rey knows the TIE will sink into the shifting sands just like the thirty-year-old wrecks it closely resembles.  It too will eventually bleach in the hot sun and blend in with the surroundings.  In the meantime, it will serve as a ready source of parts Rey can scavenge to trade for portions and water. 

 

Once she has landed, Rey’s elation at her narrow escape fades fast.  She gets down to business.  Rey finishes ripping up her fancy dress, using the extra fabric to wrap her arms and cover her face.  Pale purple silk isn’t exactly practical for the desert heat, but it’s all she has other than the small toolkit and a few hydration tablets and protein bars she found in the TIE.  Rey decides not to go back to her AT-AT, judging it too risky.  Instead, that night she begins sleeping in the wrecks.   Rey knows plenty of hiding places from her years taking refuge from sudden sandstorms.  Every night, she chooses a different spot. 

 

From some other scavengers, Rey learns that the First Order now keeps a minimal presence here on Jakku.  It’s an effort to deter smugglers from using this world as a hideout to swap contraband cargo.  This is all perfectly in keeping with the law and order objectives of the First Order.  Cleaning up Jakku so that it can attract legitimate business opportunities would ordinarily be something Rey could get behind.  But it’s terrible timing.  Rey was counting on the local criminal elements to execute her makeshift plan to forge new identity papers and work for credits she can use to start over on a new world.  Plus, she needs to stay as far as possible from the First Order.   

 

Luckily, crime on Jakku is harder to combat than she fears.  The locals all know that the First Order parks a cruiser in orbit two days a week, flies a few patrols, and lands a couple of TIEs now and then as a visible deterrent to incoming smuggler ships.  But after those two days are up, the First Order moves on to repeat this tactic on other nearby systems for the rest of the week before they return.   It all cycles week after week in a predictable pattern.  The result is that Jakku’s shadow economy functions five days a week instead of seven days a week.  But on the whole, the First Order’s limited presence has a chilling effect.  Far fewer ships arrive to the Niima Outpost these days.  And that’s less opportunity for Rey.

 

Still, Rey promises herself this will be temporary as she rubs at her itchy belly.   She needs to get out of here.  Jakku is no place for a pregnant woman.  Plus, Jakku will be the first place the First Order will look for her, she fears.  To encourage herself, Rey reasons that surely Snoke will assume that she's too smart to be caught on Jakku again.   Rey also reminds herself that this bleak world has its advantages.  She knows how to survive here and how to hide here and she doesn’t need credits to live.  The smugglers and other shifty types who pass through are usually looking to hide themselves.  They aren't looking for contact with the First Order and they aren't looking to make trouble for anyone else. 

 

But she’s taking no chances about that.  Her strategy is to stay on the move as much as possible.  Rey does her best to avoid contact with other people too.  She keeps an especially low profile on this world that is habitually arms’ length and gruff.  She declines to trade scrap at the Niima Outpost, judging it too risky.  Instead, Rey trades like someone out of favor with Unkar Plutt.  Scavengers on the outs with the local junk boss are forced to trade with other scavengers instead.  It costs a hefty premium because these rivals know they have leverage.  That means the scrap Plutt might pay two portions for, her rivals will pay only one.  But it’s enough to get by temporarily at least.    

 

Though she has been gone from Jakku for many months, no one asks Rey where she has been.   No one appears happy or even surprised that she is alive.  This is Jakku, after all.  No one cares.  She watches as people’s eyes linger on her swollen waistline.  She is visibly pregnant now.  But no one asks any questions.  On Jakku, everyone has secrets.  Everyone has a past.  No one wants to know and no one shares. 

 

She’s out of shape for life in the desert, grown used to far less physical activity and far more creature comforts.  A walk that would normally take her forty-five minutes now takes well over an hour.  That’s partly due to her dainty slippers that are already falling apart.  It’s also partly due to her advancing pregnancy that saps her energy.  Rey finds that she is unbalanced and ungainly these days, so she is prone to falls.  She now takes extra precautions in wrecks.   She also spends a lot of time just resting when she can.  These days, she can’t get enough sleep.

 

Her bitter Jakku homecoming unexpectedly evolves Rey’s attitude about the baby.  For spending a few weeks stepping over dead bodies in wrecks suddenly has Rey craving life.  She herself had struggled alone to survive for so long that she knows the intrinsic value of life.  Being back on Jakku has placed that issue front and center again.   Orphan scavengers like herself on backwater worlds have value, Rey has long believed.  Children like Finn kidnapped to become stormtroopers have value too.  So do civilian noncombatants mowed down in the galactic civil war.  In fact, all sentient life has value.  And that means this baby's life has value too.  War and poverty and hardship might cheapen that value somewhat, but they do not take it away.  Because there is dignity and hope and purpose in life, Rey firmly believes. 

 

And so, as inconvenient as this baby is, Rey decides to keep the child.   For already the thought of aborting it nags at her conscience.  She is far gone in pregnancy now and can even feel the baby move.  So there is no way that she can fool herself about that this child is not alive and well.  Plus, if this turns out to be Ben's child, then he is all that remains of their love.  And if he’s a monster child conjured out of Darkness in the Force, then so what?  Rey will love him anyway.  It’s not the baby’s fault how he was conceived.  And besides, he won’t be the first monster she has loved.  Suddenly . . . surprisingly, Rey finds this unwanted baby becomes even more reason for her to live. 

 

Discovery is her constant concern.  Has she been successful cutting herself off from the Force?  Rey thinks so, but there is no way to be sure.  There’s not another Force user around to ask. 

 

Losing the Force feels like Rey imagines becoming blind might feel.  Or perhaps going deaf might feel. Like there is a world full of rich and layered sensation that she cannot experience but she knows is out there.   She tries not to dwell on it, but Rey keenly remembers what the Force once felt like.  It’s cliché, but you only realize what you have when it’s gone.  Even before her awakening, Rey now suspects that she was subconsciously using the Force in ways she didn’t understand.  But all of that is gone.  Now, there will be no more advance warning of danger, no more easy assessment of truth, no more augmented reflexes, no more insight into another’s thoughts, and no more visions of the future.   And, of course, there will be no more contact with Ben across the bond. 

 

Rey wishes she could have explained things to Ben.  She wishes that she would have had a chance to tell him goodbye.  But it was too risky.  Maybe it’s better this way, she rationalizes, to have a clean break.  For there is no way she and Ben can be together without Snoke finding out.   And that will only lead to another jail cell, Rey fears.  Or worse.  The only way she can live free now is to keep away from Ben.  That is a gut-wrenching truth that she cannot deny.  For as much as she loves Ben, she isn’t willing to be a hostage for him.  And there is the baby’s future to think of, too.  

 

Still, there are days when Rey regrets her escape a little.   For at least in her cell, she was reasonably well cared for and she could speak to Ben through the bond.  But now, she is alone.  Will Ben come looking for her?  She’s a little disappointed Ben that hasn’t come looking for her.  But maybe he too understands that this is for the best.  Perhaps Ben knows that if he finds her, he will ultimately have to surrender her to Snoke.  After all, he’s already confronted his Master for her once and lost. 

 

And so, with a repressed stoicism learned from her orphan status, Rey swallows her tears, buries her feelings deep, and soldiers on.  She lived far too many years in denial about whether her own parents would come back.  Rey refuses to live in denial about a fantasy life with Ben.  Their love affair is over, it is unfair and it is sad, but there’s nothing Rey can do about it.   She’s focused on the future now and not on the past.  Rey thinks Ben would understand that viewpoint if he only knew.

 

After three weeks secluded in hiding, a sizeable smuggler group finally lands at the Niima Outpost.  Rey watches the freighters descend from afar and hazards the risk of approaching to seek work.  She’s in luck.  Rey gets hired to forge title documents for stolen cargo.  It gives her the opportunity to forge some identification papers and work credentials for herself as well.  Now, all she has to do is find a way off-world.

 

One of the smugglers is the friendly type.  He’s balding and grizzled looking, probably somewhere in late middle age, but with a kind face.  He also swears a lot less often than all the rest, and Rey likes that.  He hangs around a bit asking questions until Rey senses a receptive ear and tells him a tale when all the locals are out of earshot. 

 

“How did you end up here?” the man asks.  He has been eyeing her torn and impractical dress.  Can he tell that it once was very expensive?  Or is he just looking at how it stretches tight across her swollen waistline?  “You don’t sound like you’re from around here,” he observes thoughtfully.

 

“I was a smugglers' girl,” Rey lies outright.  “We were happy and things were great until I accidentally got pregnant. Then that asshole dumped me here on Jakku.”  She playacts by making a face.

 

“Jakku isn’t a place for a baby,” the man says, watching her closely.

 

“I know,” Rey agrees.  “But I've been here ever since working to save up credits to hitch a ride somewhere to start over.”  She gives a little helpless shrug.  “I’m doing my best, but I’m stuck here for now until I can convince someone to help me.”  Rey reads sympathy in the man’s eyes and keeps going.  “Where are you headed next?” she asks.  “Because your ship needs some maintenance, especially those repulsolifts.  Those joints are close to freezing up.  You can tell by the slight whine at the end of the cycle when the ship sets down.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” the man agrees, clearly impressed by her knowledge.  “I’ve got a lot of deferred maintenance right now.  Maybe when I sell my next cargo I’ll do the work.  Not now.  I’ve got some old debts I need to pay off.”

 

There’s her opening.  Rey seizes upon the chance.   “I'll trade work for a ride out of here,” Rey offers.  “I’ll overhaul those repulsolifts and I’ll bleed your hyperdrive in exchange for passage someplace I can get a decent job.”

 

“Can really you bleed a hyperdrive?” the smuggler raises a skeptical eyebrow.

 

“Absolutely.  I can probably build a hyperdrive from scratch.  I used to do all the maintenance on my boyfriend’s ship,” Rey lies again.  “Where did you say you are headed next?”

 

“The Core.  Corellia.” 

 

“That sounds perfect,” Rey nods.  “What do you say? I’ll do the repulsolifts here before you leave and I’ll bleed the hyperdrive when we land at Corellia.”  She’s holding her breath now.  Rey really, really needs this chance.  And this guy looks less shifty than the typical smuggler.  She doesn’t exactly trust him, but she doesn’t automatically distrust him either. 

 

The man thinks about it a long moment and declines to answer.  “You sound like you’re Core.” He’s noticed her accent.

 

“My family was Core,” Rey lies again.

 

“Where are they now?  Are they around to help you?” he asks.

 

“They’re gone.”  Rey playacts some more as she looks away and mutters, “Hosnia.”

 

“Yeah, okay.  I get it.  But I still say you sound awfully posh to have ended up with some smuggler type,” the older man persists.   His eyes narrow.  He looks like he suspects her lies.

 

Rey explains as best she can.  “It was a mistake.  I see that now.  Look, I just want to start again.  Before long, I’ll have this baby to take care of too.”  She absently rubs at her belly as she says this.  “I have to get off Jakku.  Soon.”  Each passing day ups her chance of capture, Rey worries.  Plus, she’ll be damned if she dies in childbirth alone in a wreck in the desert.

 

The man looks over Rey's sunburnt and bedraggled appearance, seeing her hopeful face.  He sighs heavily before he agrees.  “Yeah, alright.  You got yourself a deal, missy.  But your work had better be good.”

 

“It is,” she responds firmly.  “You won’t regret this.”

 

“Good.”  He gives her a pointed look.  “Get started.  I want to leave as soon as you’re done.”

 

The smuggler’s name is Jim.  It turns out he’s only a part-time smuggler on the side of his regular freight hauling business.  Most of the work he does is legit.  When he’s satisfied with Rey’s half day of work on the repulsolifts, he welcomes her aboard and they take off for Corellia.  Onboard, Rey gets a much-needed shower, some decent food, and lots of sleep.  Her host even produces some old clothes his ex-wife left behind on the ship.  Jim looks embarrassed as he shoves them at her and gruffly tells her she should change.  The ex-wife was a far more robust woman than Rey, so her leftover dresses are a reasonably good fit over her belly.  More importantly, they are clean and a vast improvement over Rey’s sandy, sweat stained, and ripped purple silk dress.  Best of all, she finally has boots again to replace her slippers that are falling apart. 

 

“Much better,” the spacer grunts as he catches Rey admiring her new dress and doing a little twirl.  “Come up to the cockpit now.  We’ll be landing soon and we’ll need to transmit your paperwork.”

 

Rey complies.  She slips into the copilot seat to transmit their docking permit information, forged customs certificates for the cargo, and identification information for themselves.  Rey holds her breath, but everything passes muster without incident.  They are cleared to land on Corellia at the capital city. 

 

She and Jim exchange relieved smiles.  And that’s when a little hanging charm in the cockpit above their heads catches Rey’s eye.  “That’s pretty,” she comments as she catches the trinket in her hand.  It’s a shiny metal disk reminiscent of the old Rebellion starbird insignia.  Rey reads aloud the inscription on the back, “May the Force be with you always.”  She glances over at the smuggler. “You don’t see that much anymore.”

 

“My ex-wife was Church of the Force,” he says by way of explanation. 

 

“Yeah?  That sort of thing is dangerous these days,” Rey replies softly.

 

The man nods.  Then he shrugs.  “I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other.  I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff.  But I’ve never seen anything to make me believe that there’s one all-powerful force controlling everything.  If the Force exists, I haven’t seen it,” he concludes as he starts the landing cycle.  “But she believed in it.  She believed in all of that Force and Jedi stuff.”

 

“There was a Church of the Force village on Jakku,” Rey recalls.  “They mostly kept to themselves.  They’re gone now,” she finishes awkwardly, recalling the massacre that had occurred the night BB-8 had fled to her.

 

“Yeah, I heard about that,” the spacer’s tone is very measured but his face is a scowl.  “It’s best to stay away from that religion.  It will get you killed.”

 

“Yeah,” Rey wholeheartedly concurs. “I agree.” 

 

After they land, Rey spends a few hours bleeding the hyperdrive on Jim’s ship.  It’s not a hard task if you’ve done it enough times before.  But she can tell the old guy is impressed.  “You’re really good, Rey.  You really know your stuff.”

 

Rey glows with this praise.  She strips off her borrowed work gloves now that she is done.  “Thank for the lift, Jim.  And thanks for the clothes.  I really appreciate your help.  This means a lot to me.” 

 

He nods silently.  Then before they part ways, Jim hands her a credit card.  “Here.  Take it.   This isn’t Jakku.  You need credits here.”

 

Rey looks to him in surprise.  “Thank you.  I don’t know what to say.”  She’s touched.  Spontaneous generosity isn’t something Rey is accustomed to.  There is no charity back on Jakku.

 

“You earned it.  You saved me credits hiring a mechanic and you didn’t cost me anything.  Good luck, Rey.”  Jim’s eyes wander to her swollen waistline.  “This isn’t going to be easy on your own.”  He gives her some advice now about life on Corellia.  Where to find a job.  Where to find a cheap place to live.  Which places to avoid.  Then, he bids her goodbye.  “May the Force be with you,” he tells Rey.

 

Something about the way he speaks the Old Republic blessing shows true reverence.  It betrays his belief.  “Your wife wasn’t the only one who was Church of the Force, was she?” Rey guesses.

 

Jim smiles a little sheepishly.  “No.  But don’t tell anyone.” 

 

“I won’t.  Thank you,” Rey says one last time.  Then she leaves to start a new life.  

 

She’s picked a good place to start over.  Wartime is good for shipbuilding.  Peacetime, as it turns out, is good too.  The galactic civil war has meant destruction of many civilian transports that need to be replaced.  And the anticipated return to normalcy and resumption of trade routes has shipping companies placing large orders to upgrade their existing fleets.  As a result, Corellia, the shipbuilding capital of the Core and longtime to rival Kuat, is booming.  

 

It is an industrial world, gritty, and no nonsense compared to the rest of the Core.  But it is lightyears ahead of backwater Jakku.   As instructed, Rey rides the free public transport to the gigantic Corellian Engineering Corporation headquarters.  CEC is hiring en masse.  Labor shortages resulting from an exodus of employees in advance of the First Order’s invasion of the Core mean the CEC shipyards are short workers at a critical time when they have a lengthy backlog and impatient shareholders.  The urgency of the situation motivates the company to hire even less desirable jobseekers like Rey.  It also means that CEC now offers perks and benefits to even its lowest level employees.

 

Rey presents her forged credentials and tells her story about being a young widow displaced by war.   It’s a credible, sympathetic tale for there are many like her.  On both sides, all across the galaxy, among civilians and military families alike, there have been heavy losses.  Is that what I think it is, the recruiter asks looking at her waistline.  Rey raises a protective hand to her belly and nods.  Yes, I’m pregnant, but I am perfectly able to work.  The recruiter confers with a colleague before he delivers the decision.  If Rey passes the company physical, she is hired on as an entry level mechanic.  Best of all, she can stay in the company’s subsidized dormitory housing for migrant workers like herself.  There is even onsite daycare for once the baby is born.   But here’s the catch:  there is no paid maternity leave.   Productivity is key at CEC.  Rey will have to report back to work five days after having the baby.  Can she do that?   Yes.  Rey gladly accepts on the spot. 

 

Rey reports to the company health clinic where she is examined and determined to be underweight and a bit dehydrated, but otherwise acceptably healthy for a six-month pregnant woman.  That is a big relief after almost a month living as a transient on Jakku.  Rey is given an infusion of vitamins and a hydration tablet and officially pronounced capable to work.  Then she is sent to receive her company issue work boots, hardhat, coveralls, and tool belt.  She will start work immediately.

 

Suddenly, things are looking up.  Rey is very relieved.  She can do this.  She can really do this, she believes.

 

CEC produces all manner of spacecraft, but it specializes in large ships.   They are produced at the CEC shipyards that float above the planet’s surface like a giant exoskeleton.   Starships in various states of repair and construction are docked and tethered for work.  Everywhere there are technicians in blue work coveralls going about their tasks.  The shipyards hum round the clock, all day and all night in four six-hour rotating shifts.   Rey immediately volunteers for the overnight shift because it pays slightly more.

 

The work is simple compared to what Rey is used to on Jakku.  She is a creative mechanic, accustomed to fashioning workarounds, retrofitting mismatched parts, and coaxing decades old sand-coated machinery to work.  Working with scrap takes talent, patience, and ingenuity.   Her work at CEC requires none of those attributes.  This work is routine assembly using proper tools and new components.  It’s more sophisticated than a standard droid could do, but it’s still pretty basic.  Rey could do this work in her sleep, she thinks.   And that’s a good thing.  Because it takes time for her to adjust to the overnight hours and her advancing pregnancy makes some of the work uncomfortable and awkward.  These days, she aches all over and she is perpetually tired.  It slows her down.

 

Still, these conditions are far better than on Jakku.  Rey eats three meals a day in the company cafeteria everyone complains about except her.  She rests in a real bed when she’s not working.  The women’s dormitory might be far from private, but after all her solitude in a cell and on Jakku Rey welcomes the company.  Best of all, every day she gets a hot shower before and after work.  All in all, this job is great, she thinks. 

 

Rey is friendly with her coworkers but she tries to be as vague as possible about her personal situation.  Still, long hours spent side by side build familiarity.  Plus, she’s learning that outside Jakku people are curious by nature.  Rey’s accent is what intrigues everyone most, she quickly learns.  The crisp Coruscant Basic she had imitated as a child from the holonet gives her the imprimatur of class.  That is hugely ironic and completely untrue, but Rey embraces it.  She realizes quickly that people assume she is far more educated than she is thanks to her accent.  Rey is viewed as a down-on-her-luck pregnant war widow who is working hard to stay afloat.   She enjoys everyone’s goodwill.  It’s a good feeling to know that others are rooting for you to succeed.   That never would have happened on Jakku.

 

And, frankly, Rey needs the morale support.  With each passing day, Rey is getting closer and closer to motherhood.  She checks in at the company health clinic weekly now.  Things are getting very real.  Rey is a little excited, but mostly terrified.  She wishes Ben could be with her for at least their son’s birth.  She’s worried about being alone for childbirth, especially after what happened to his doomed grandmother.  Rey has nightmares of stormtroopers busting in to rip her newborn son from her arms.  She worries that Snoke knows where she is and he is just lying in wait until the baby is born.  But, thankfully, none of that comes to pass.

 

The baby is born two days early.  He has a thatch of dark brown hair, a long nose, and big ears that stick out.  If this baby was conceived in the Force, the Force must look like Ben.  This was Ben’s baby all along, Rey realizes.  That revelation brings up pangs of guilt that reduce Rey to tears.  For she more than anyone knows what it means to grow up separated from your loved ones.  If things were different, her son could have a stable two-parent family with his father in his life.  Her boy would grow up with every advantage credits could buy.  But that’s not possible under the circumstances.  Rey hopes that one day when her son is old enough to know the truth, he will understand her actions.  That he will forgive her lies.  She doesn’t want to hide her son from his father, but she feels forced to do it.  For her sake and for the sake of her son.  Sometimes life doesn’t present you good options but you still have to choose.   This is one of those times, Rey knows.  But still . . . it hurts.   

 

There is something hugely depressing to Rey about perpetuating the Skywalker family cycle of hidden children and lies.  Each generation before her did it for good reasons, thinking it was for the best.  But it never ended up that way.  And now that Rey is some version of Shmi Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Beru Lars, and Leia Organa combined, she feels very uncertain about her own choice.  Ben of all people would hate what she is doing.  For Ben had grown up lied to by first his parents and his uncle, and then by Snoke.   Ruefully, Rey realizes that if you are a Skywalker, you can never leave the past behind even if you try.  And so, some part of Rey knows that this will all someday blow up in her face.   But until then, she’s going to try her best.

 

Looking down at her red faced, squalling infant son, Rey wants to call him Ben.  But that seems too risky so she settles on Anakin.  Rey thinks his father would approve.  And besides, it’s the name of another fatherless child from a desert world who was supposedly born of the Force.   When a nurse approves and asks about the origin of the name, Rey says her baby is named for his great-grandfather.  The exchange makes Rey think of the gruesome melted mask that Ben had routinely poured his heart out to.  If you are watching in the Force, Rey thinks, please give us your blessing, Lord Vader.  And please find a way to help Ben.  Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine.  I’m good at surviving and this boy is a Skywalker.  Just please look after Ben.

 

And truly, that’s how Rey feels.  She will be fine.  Anakin will be fine.  Childbirth turns out to be a far more hopeful and empowering experience than she had ever expected.  Through her haze of hormones and discomfort, Rey feels happy for the first time in a long, long time.   And so, despite her uncertain future and fragile financial stability, she promises her baby out loud, “I will keep you safe, I will love you always, and I will never leave you.”  She will be all the things for Anakin that her own family never was for her.   Ben had always claimed that the Force had brought them together.   That their love was destiny.  This baby, Rey now understands, was the reason why.   

 

Sometimes life gives you what you want, just not in the way or at the time you imagine it.   Rey wanted to be someone’s child, not to be a parent herself.  She wanted someone to take care of her and not the responsibility of caring for another.  In her daydreams, Rey had always envisioned her own family far in the future with a loving husband and supportive father in the picture.  But as Rey looks down at her sleeping baby in her arms, she suddenly feels a surge of love.  Rey realizes that Anakin could be the answer.  Mothering her own child could be how Rey will heal her own bleak past.   Loving this boy could be the way to mend what is broken in her from losing Ben.   Her newborn son isn’t what she expected, or even what she wanted, but at long last she has a family of her own.  Rey vows to give Anakin all the love and attention that his parents each lacked growing up.  For if there is any way to mitigate in advance the life of lies Rey will raise her son in, it will be by loving him unconditionally.  Dark or Light, Force or no Force, Rey is determined to love her son through it all.

 

The nurse comes back in to check on her.  She’s an older, motherly sort of woman who frets. “Are you certain there isn’t anyone you want to notify?” the nurse asks Rey for the third time.

 

“My family is dead,” Rey says quietly as she shakes her head no.  “The father is gone too.”

 

“The war?” 

 

“Yes,” Rey lies. 

 

“Were they First Order?”

 

Rey answers with a version of the truth.  “His father was First Order, but we had family on both sides.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”  The nurse nods in sympathy. “Well, then, everyone important is already here. Such a sweet baby,” the nurse smiles down at Anakin as she leans over to adjust his blanket.   Then she stands and reflects for a moment.  “Maybe this little one will live his life without war.  My generation has seen a lot of war,” the older woman sighs.  “Too much war.   But hopefully this will be a new era of peace and order like Supreme Leader Ren claims.”   The nurse cocks her head and her face softens at the sight of contented young Rey and her baby.  “Another new life born today and another new beginning for the galaxy.  If the future is as bright as the First Order claims, it makes you wonder who this boy could grow up to be.”

 

“I just want him to be loved and to be happy,” Rey whispers.   “That’s all the matters to me.”


	42. chapter 42

The Light has gone out of Kylo Ren’s world.  Darkness reigns, and there is no glory in it.  He is drowning in grief. 

 

Kylo spends aimless days stalking the bridge of his star destroyer.  Hux is gone from the ship now as he works full time on his new Senate Chancellor role.  Good riddance, Kylo scowls.  But the new Senate elections are where all the action is these days.  With the end of hostilities, the military work is mostly routine patrols and overseeing the slow transition away from martial law on occupied worlds.   Like his grandfather before him, Kylo Ren is now the chief enforcer for a fledgling empire.  Except there’s no Rebellion to chase down, so it’s boring.  Kylo has time on his hands for the first time ever. 

 

It’s bad timing.  Because just when he needs to be busy, all he can do is brood.  Kylo knows he is obsessive by nature and inclined to be intense.  He realizes that he is wallowing in frustration and despair.  But still, he can see no way out of it.  For Kylo is caught in subservience to a Master he hates.  Stuck ruling a galaxy with any specific set of goals to achieve.  Lonelier now than he has ever been before.  His Master keeps his distance and that’s best for all involved, but it only serves to isolate him further.

 

He wastes long hours nightly in meditation with his grandfather’s mask, hoping for guidance or just some solace.  But he is disappointed time and again.  Kylo searches for Rey in the Force too, hoping that their unique bond has left some remnant after death.  But he is disappointed in this as well.  And so, mostly he sits contemplating Lord Vader’s melted helmet.  If his grandfather could do things over again, would he do anything differently the second time around?  Did Lord Vader have regrets?  Because Kylo Ren sure does. 

 

Mostly, he regrets that he ever let Rey go that day they announced the peace deal.  But he regrets other things too.  Like that he interrogated her in the first place.  Like that he swung his sword at her in the Starkiller woods.  He should have recognized his destiny when she first presented herself.  But he didn’t.  Life is funny like that. You meet someone in passing and you like their smile and suddenly, you end up married to them for fifty years.  In hindsight, things are perfectly clear but in the moment they can be difficult to discern.  All the signs had been there from the very beginning with Rey, but still he had missed them at first.  Rey was the girl with the droid who found the _Falcon_ and found his father.  She had his grandfather’s long-lost lightsaber and she was filled with the Force.  Had he known they would have so little time together, Kylo would have skipped that whole enemies and rivals thing and gone straight to being friends and lovers.  He would have savored every fleeting moment he had with his Jedi girl.

 

He makes frequent trips to Mustafar these days.  He has nothing better to do.  Only his long dead grandfather would truly understand this pain, Kylo is sure.  In Lord Vader’s castle fortress, Kylo stares up at the portrait that looms over his grandfather’s bed.   Bereft Lord Vader must have kept it there to remind him of memories of the good times.  If anything personal of his grandmother’s remains, Kylo never found it among Vader’s possessions.  It’s the same for him too.  For Kylo has very little that is tangible left of Rey.  Just the lightsaber she had refashioned for her own, his uncle’s stolen Jedi books, and a handful of incidental meaningless personal belongings she had left on the _Finalizer_.  Like Vader, Kylo Ren only has memories of his lost love. 

 

He lays awake at night remembering the feel of Rey cuddled up next to him.  Recalling the rapturous nights together as they first discovered sex and made it their hobby to try out all the pleasures of the flesh.  But it’s more than lust.  Kylo misses Rey’s broad smile that would light up her entire face. He misses the way his desert girl was always cold and would hog the bedcovers at night.  How she was largely indifferent to food but every now and then she would binge on popcorn and root beer.  Rey needed her space and never talked too much.  She liked to wander his ship and she had begged him to take her flying again.  They had only gone flying once before she had started working full time on the peace deal.  And that’s just one more thing to regret.  As intense and serious as life with Rey had been, they should have made more time for fun.

 

All along, he and Rey had faced big challenges.  There were hints that it might not end well.  His Force ghost uncle had warned obliquely that Kylo might not be the one to make it.  And there had been that bleak vision of Rey pregnant on Jakku.  But the future is never certain until it occurs.  While it swirls around, the possibilities it presents can become a means to deceive yourself.  The Force never lies, Kylo knows.  But that’s not the same thing as meaning every vision comes true. 

 

Kylo is depressed, like Vader had clearly been for years and like his uncle too on Ahch-To.  Like his mother had been after his father left and she threw herself into her work to cope.  Darkness creeps to overwhelm him now that his beloved Rey, the Light in his life, is gone.   And maybe this too is a Skywalker issue, for depression can run in families, just like the Force. 

 

Reluctantly, Kylo takes his Master’s advice to channel his pain into power.  Snoke might be the cause of all of his problems, but there is no denying that his crafty old Master is wise.  All this time on his hands gives Kylo plenty of opportunity and so for several months he makes it his new vocation.  It has disastrous results.  For all this pain felt so keenly flares his Dark power.  Suddenly, Kylo can shoot lightning with a flick of his finger.  He now reads minds almost effortlessly.  His connection to the Force feels more natural than ever.  It’s almost like an extension of his own consciousness now.  His senses are sharp, his intuition is keen, and his speed and control with a saber are impressive.  But he is Dark.  Oh, so Dark.  And that is a miserable situation for a Chosen One such as he. 

 

For these days, Kylo is more torn apart than ever.  His mind is immersed in the Dark Side but his soul yearns strongly for the Light.  Too late, Kylo realizes that Rey was the outlet he needed to balance himself.  He could be Dark in his day job as Supreme Leader so long as he was Light afterhours with her.  Rey was his means to express his urges to love and to compassion.  He could be a monster to everyone else so long as he had his Rey to cherish.  She was the Light in his world.   She made him smile, she made him happy, she even made him laugh now and then.  Now that she is gone, the universe—especially his universe—skews hard to Darkness these days. 

 

At first, his newfound Dark power just makes him more miserable.  He is overwrought, strung out, and on edge.  Frustrated, exhausted, and demoralized.  Plus, lately Kylo fears he is becoming unstable as well.  He had these episodes before many years ago as a teen.  He was a Jedi Padawan back then and couldn’t put the right words to his problem to describe it.   His uncle and his parents had thrown up their hands at the awkward, pimply teenaged boy who every few months would break down into fits of violence.  Afterwards, Kylo would be tasked with repairing whatever damage he had caused.   His uncle would take away his sword for a few weeks and urge him to seek the Light if he felt any Dark urges.  His mother complained that he needed to mature and was spoiled.  His father would look disgusted if he was around to participate.  But mostly, he wasn’t. 

 

These days, he is Kylo Ren the Supreme Leader of the First Order so there’s no one to punish him if he slices up empty troop transports with his sword.  Or tosses around TIE fighters in the hangar bay with the Force.  Or chokes a clumsy underling for a minor infraction.  Kylo slashes instrument panels at whim.  He fries an annoying mouse droid with lightning just to do it.   He gives in to his every impulse to destroy and to hurt.  Then, he walks away while other people pick up the mess and make the repairs.   This is nothing new.  Kylo is not a man who keeps his emotions bottled up.  If only Rey were here so he could talk some of it out.  But she’s gone forever, so he acts out his unhappiness instead.  But even he can tell that things are getting out of hand.

 

In desperation, Kylo seeks his Master’s counsel.   He presents himself embarrassed and humbled before Snoke to confess his sins.  He kneels to his Master a broken man drowning in Darkness and simultaneously aching for the Light.   Kylo has never felt more like a Chosen One.  It is glorious and horrible all at once.

 

Snoke leans back in his chair and considers his plight.  “You mature into great power,” he counsels sagely.  “The Force is the work of a lifetime. It takes patience, Apprentice.  In time, you will adjust.” 

 

“Yes, Master.”  Kylo cannot hide his disappointment at this response.

 

“Darkness is the means and not the end.   Assert yourself over your power or it will control you,” Snoke waves a warning finger at him.  “Darkness can consume those who wield it recklessly.  Take a lesson from Darth Sidious here, Apprentice.” 

 

Yes, that is the problem.  Kylo Ren is being consumed by Darkness.  Giving in to his violent impulses only to find those acts unsatisfying in the aftermath.  Succumbing to the constant indeterminate rage that has him reacting disproportionately to annoyances.  His crew tiptoes around him in fear.   They send him messages in hopes that they will not be called to report in person.  It isolates him further.  Kylo is chagrined to find himself less of a leader these days and more a tyrant.  And that was never his intent.

 

Does Snoke see how unbalanced he is?   If he does, he is not concerned.  In fact, his Master looks plenty pleased as he leans forward in his chair and purrs, “You are the one I have waited three generations for.  You will be the most powerful Skywalker of all.  Give it time, Apprentice.  We shall see . . . we shall see.”

 

“Yes, Master.”  Kylo is bitter as he withdraws. 

 

They repeat this stilted interview three more times before Kylo finally gives up.  Snoke can’t help him solve a problem if he refuses to recognize the issue.  But perhaps, Kylo thinks, he is looking at this all wrong.  Maybe his misery will be the solution in the end.  Perhaps this overwhelming power will have its uses in time.  That insight kindles an idea that takes hold.  It quickly burrows deeply into his mind. 

 

For maybe it’s his burgeoning Dark power and maybe it’s his festering hopelessness too, but Kylo Ren’s sense of resentment against Snoke grows and grows.  And with it, his anger.  Was Rey’s death payback for ‘killing’ Snoke?  Probably not since his Master had seemed almost happy about that.  And this is not about the peace deal because Snoke is loving the prospect of a new Senate. 

 

So why?

 

Was Snoke worried that yet another Apprentice would steal his Empire?   Is that why his Master had snatched Rey for a hostage in the first place?   Or had this simply been about control?   Had Snoke known all along what Luke Skywalker told him about Kylo growing to be far more powerful in the Force than even he?  Does Snoke fear what his Apprentice will become?  Or had his Master feared what he would become with Rey at his side?  Was the problem what their joint power in the Force aligned by love could do?  Is that why Snoke was determined to separate he and Rey?   Is it why he drove a wedge between them with a baby he claimed to have created in the Force?   Or was it as simple as that old Snoke had seen their love and been jealous? 

 

For whatever reason, it all smacks of betrayal.  Kylo Ren feels manipulated and used.  He has been angry and rebellious since he was presented with Rey on her knees for execution.  He has felt a pawn since his Master’s surprise reveal of their family ties.  He has been livid since the news of Snoke’s claim to father Rey’s baby.  But her death takes Kylo’s malcontent to a whole new level. 

 

Kylo seethes.  But he bides his time and stokes his power.  Ostensibly, he is following his Master’s orders.   But secretly, he is preparing to strike.  The day will come when Kylo Ren will get his revenge.  He will rule the galaxy unopposed once more.  Snoke had wanted a Vader.  Well, now he has one.  Now, there is another tall, caped and masked Skywalker, angry and alone, who hates his Master and plots his downfall.  

 

Still, it comes as a shock and an unwelcome surprise when Kylo wanders out of the shower one morning and catches his haggard reflection in the mirror.  What he sees gives him pause.  It confirms his worst fears about how unbalanced he has become.  But it also evidences his growing power in a startling way. 

 

Rey, he thinks, this is for you.  Even though you would hate this, this is for you.  I will become more powerful than he can possibly imagine.  Then, I will strike him down for good.  Afterwards, things will be better, I promise.  I will find the balance we both sought.  But until then, I will do what I must.   Then, Kylo gets dressed and jams his helmet on.  He wears the helmet every day after that.

 

His mother makes a few overtures that Kylo rebuffs.  He can’t deal with his mother.  Especially not now. All her sudden interest tells Kylo that his mother is very guilty over Rey.  He knows better than to believe that she is actually concerned about him.  Those messages are to make herself feel better, nothing more. 

 

Kylo only opens one of her messages entitled ‘I demanded he do this.’  The message contains a comprehensive analysis of Rey’s escape attempt with security camera footage, eyewitness testimony, cockpit transcripts, and data recordings for the chase.  Kylo skims the explanation until he gets to the crash site photos.  Disturbed, he immediately deletes the file.  Kylo Ren is well aware that a dossier like this can easily be faked.  But he doesn’t need an investigation to tell him that Rey is dead.  The Force bond reveals that truth.  For whenever he and Rey are separated, the bond activates.  If she were alive, he would know it in the Force, Kylo is certain.  Yes, Snoke had claimed to create the bond but Kylo is as disbelieving of this as he is of Snoke’s claim to have created Rey’s child.  And even if Snoke had created the bond, Kylo doubts that he had controlled it.  Destiny controlled it.  All along, the Force had wanted he and Rey together, Kylo firmly believes.  And that gives him hope that the Force will strike back at Snoke for Rey’s death.  If the Apprentice can’t kill the Master, then perhaps the Force will, he reasons.

 

In the meantime, politics sure makes strange bedfellows.  Or maybe the credit belongs to Snoke and not to politics.  For Leia Organa becomes deeply engaged in the efforts to convene the new Senate.  Her fingerprints are all over many of the new election protocols.  When the elections are held, the First Order candidates will dominate.  Snoke has made certain of this.  But there is at least the semblance of democracy at work, and Leia Organa is to thank for it. 

 

As Supreme Leader, Kylo receives all of the official communications concerning her efforts.  His mother has been hard at work forming a lot of committees, task forces, and commissions on wide ranging topics from economic development to Hosnian refugees.  And while those endeavors will no doubt get bogged down, Kylo knows his mother well enough to know that she will take what little authority Snoke has given her and make the most of it.  Leia Organa has long been a woman who makes her presence felt. 

 

It is something of a PR coup when the First Order finally announces that she will be Vice Chancellor of the new Senate.  There is a lot of fluffy talk about peace, forgiveness, and unification surrounding this news.  Leia Organa couldn’t beat the First Order, so she joined it.  She wants to be part of the solution, to be a voice for the opposition, or so she claims with a straight face.  But Kylo sees it for what it is:  Snoke chose his ultimate loyalist Hux for the top job but he chose the best person for the assistant position.  That the assistant just happens to be a Skywalker and the enemy general is the icing on the cake.  Kylo doesn’t want to know how Snoke managed to get his mother to agree to this role.  But if she hates it, it sure doesn’t show. 

 

Kylo is on the bridge deep in meditation on a random afternoon when he senses his mother’s presence in the Force.  What is she doing here?  Her ship always docks on the _Supremacy_ , never the _Finalizer_ , on the way to Coruscant.  Well, whatever.  She’ll be gone soon.  Kylo goes back to brooding behind his mask.  Some days are worse than others.  Today is a particularly bad day.  He does his best to tune his mother’s mental Force signature out.  He has a surly attitude about Hux, his mother, their Senate, and everything else these days.   Mostly, Kylo Ren wants to be left alone.

 

But, as usual, his mother is a hard woman to ignore.  The main door to the bridge opens behind him and in glides Leia Organa dressed like a queen.  She has her new lapdog Hux in tow.  Oddly enough, his mother and the general seem to have struck a truce.  It’s annoying how his mother always manages to have some young male protégé hanging around as a replacement son.  Did it have to be Hux this time?  He hates that guy.   

 

“Supreme Leader,” General Hux calls for his attention in that annoying nasal accent of his.

 

Kylo doesn’t let him finish.  He whirls to demand, “What is she doing here?  Get her off my ship!”

 

Hux takes affront at this reception.  Probably because any affront to his Vice Chancellor is an affront to himself.  He responds stiffly, “She is the Vice Chancellor of the Sen—“

 

“Get her off my ship!” Kylo growls.  He is in no mood for this.

 

“Ren, she is here with his permission.”   The ‘he’ is Snoke, of course.   The First Order has let it be known that Snoke did not die of his injuries from the Jedi assassin as previously thought.  But Snoke had been severely incapacitated for some time afterwards while the situation was touch-and-go.   He is now recovered but has ceded authority for day-to-day matters to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.  But never fear, old Snoke still retains ultimate authority still.

 

“I said get her off my ship!” Kylo stands his ground.  Every eye in the room is taking in this scene and, for once, everyone is on his side.  For obvious reasons, Leia Organa isn’t popular with the First Order officer corps.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.  And I’m not calling you Supreme Leader,” his mother announces as if he ever had any expectation of that.  But if she calls him Benny, Kylo vows, he is lighting his sword and ending that bitch right here and now. 

 

Speaking to Hux again, he hisses, “Someone is going to take a shot at her.  There are a lot of crew who lost family and friends on the Starkiller.”

 

“And I lost plenty of friends and colleagues on Hosnia too.”   His mother says this righteously as if anyone around here cares.  Has she forgotten where she is?  She’s standing on the bridge of the First Order flagship braying about the destruction of the Republic’s capital world.  Hasn’t she figured out that she’s the enemy still with this crowd?

 

“The Republic got what it deserved!” Kylo shoots back.  Around the room there is a silent chorus of sympathetic nods from his crew.  Kylo Ren might be more feared than liked, but it turns out that he has lost none of his First Order cred by making that peace deal.  And around here, General Leia Organa is someone everyone loves to hate.

 

“The war is over, Supreme Leader.  Bygones are bygones.”  Hux says this without a trace of irony even though barely six months ago, he was the one objecting to peace.  But true to form, Hux loves his newfound identity as statesman and he’s milking it for all it’s worth.  “That was your specific wish, Supreme Leader, when you brought us peace.”

 

“Snoke taught me how to freeze blaster bolts. I can handle myself,” his indignant mother chirps.  “But thanks for the concern.  I’m only here because you have been ignoring my messages.  All twenty-seven of them.”  She shoots him an irked look.  “Well,” she demands, sounding far more irritated than actually worried, “How are you?”

 

Kylo crosses his arms and glares from behind his mask.  “Go away.”

 

“Since you won’t respond and I was in the neighborhood on Coruscant, I thought I would drop by and see for myself.  So . . . how are you?” his mother demands again.  This woman is nothing if not persistent.  Maybe that’s why she gets along with Hux.

 

“Go away.”  If she can dig in, he can dig in too, Kylo decides.  And, now it’s a contest of wills between stubbornly aggrieved Skywalkers.  They have an audience of maybe thirty onlookers here on the bridge, but that’s not stopping either of them.   This is about to get ugly fast.

 

His mother saunters forward a few steps in her finery.  These days, his dignified mother sweeps around in stately robes like her late mentor Mon Mothma.  She is every inch a princess in appearance, with her chin in the air and her trademark elaborate hair.  “We can do this in public or we can do it in private.  It’s your choice,” she informs him curtly.  For a woman so committed to democracy, Leia Organa can be downright imperious at times. 

 

“Snoke and Hux may tolerate you, but I won’t,” Kylo answers back.  “Go rig your elections and stop wasting my time.”

 

“We aren’t rigging any elections!” she is indignant.

 

“You should be.  What’s the point of a Senate if it’s not rigged?   You are my rubber stamp of approval, Chancellors.   This isn’t a real democracy no matter what we say on the holonet.”  Again, Kylo sees a silent chorus of head bobs among his crew.  He’s scoring points with the officer corps today by refusing to give into the forgive-and-forget fiction of the new regime he helped create.

 

His mother stalks forward some more.  “I don’t want to talk about the Senate.  I want to talk about you.   Take that ridiculous mask off!  I hate that mask.  You don’t need that mask.”

 

Oh yes, he does these days.  Now more than ever, Kylo Ren wants to hide his face and cloak his feelings behind a mask.  But just to scare his mother, Kylo wrenches it off and tosses it down.  Something about his mother always makes him feel like he is twelve again.   And so, Kylo wants to assert himself.  Stalking towards her fast, it’s gratifying to see her openmouthed stare.

 

“What’s w-wrong with you?” Leia Organa wonders aloud as she visibly recoils. 

 

“Seen enough?” he goads.

 

“What’s the matter with you?” She locks eyes with his and cannot look away.

 

“I guess you never hung around much with Palpatine, did you?  And Daddy Vader never gave you a peek behind the mask,” Kylo sneers.

 

“Does that hurt?” she asks.

 

Yes, it hurts.  Oh, how it hurts to be this consumed by the Dark Side.  He is overwhelmed by Darkness these days and it shows.  “These are Sith eyes!” Kylo hisses as he points to his face.  He has the feral eyes of the Sith now. They shine yellow like a predator stalking in the night.  It is the mark of pure Darkness, for these eyes bear testament to enormous Dark power untempered by the Light.  This is how extreme he has become.  Bane had these eyes, Malgus had these eyes, so did Sidious and Revan too.  But for a Chosen One to have these eyes is a living torment. 

 

The horrified woman staring back at him seems to understand this too.  “B-Ben . . . “ she stammers.  “Ben, what have you done to yourself?”

 

It’s not what he has done, it’s what he plans to do.  Kylo will rid himself of Snoke forever soon.  These eyes show that he’s getting close to being ready to strike.

 

“So you’re a Sith now?” 

 

“I might as well be.  For now, at least.”  His grandfather’s decision in the Death Star throne room makes perfect sense to Kylo now.  Chosen One Vader had grabbed the chance to return to the Light to end his misery.  But Kylo Ren cannot do that yet.  Not until his Master is dead and Rey is avenged. 

 

His mother looks as if she might cry for a second.  “You’re him now, aren’t you?   The mask, the cape, the galaxy, the sword—“

 

“The dead pregnant girlfriend,” Kylo interrupts.   Because, yes, he goes there.  And now the crew is really hanging on every word. 

 

“My parents were married,” his proper mother bristles.  

 

Her judgy condescension grates. “Still worried about appearances?”  Kylo rolls his eyes.  “Well, the tables are turned now.  I’m not the political embarrassment these days.  You are, Mom!”    

 

There.  He said it.  Kylo watches as the ripple of reaction flows across the crowded bridge.   The relationship between Kylo Ren and the enemy Resistance general has long been a closely guarded secret.  But now that the war is won and his mother is at the helm of the Senate with Hux, this is bound to come out.  Especially if his mother makes a habit of storming the bridge like this.  

 

Casting his gaze around the room, Kylo sees stone faced officers blinking at him dumbfounded.  Many look confused.  Some look repulsed.  So Kylo raises one gloved hand Leia Organa’s direction and spells it out.  “Comrades of the First Order,” he calls for the attention of the bridge. “Meet Leia Skywalker Organa Solo, daughter of Darth Vader, adopted Princess of Alderaan, Member of the Imperial Senate, hero of the Rebellion, founder of the Republic, General of the Resistance.  Did I leave anything out?”

 

“Vice Chancellor of the new Senate—“ miffed Chancellor Hux reminds him with a glare.

 

“Brother to Jedi Master Luke Skywalker,” his mother lifts her chin.

 

“And mother to Kylo Ren,” he purrs in response.  “Now, get out!  Before I throw you in a cell!”

 

“This has nothing to do with the war and politics,” she snaps.  “This has to do with R—”

 

“Don’t say her name!” Kylo warns with a yellow glare her way.  He is angry, always so angry these days. “Don’t say her name!  Just get out!”

 

His mother exchanges glances with Hux and hesitates.   As usual, his ballsy mother never knows when to quit.  So Kylo pulls his sword.  He does it without thinking, he’s so accustomed to violence these days.   Its distinctive dual snap-hiss-crackle makes everyone within earshot flinch.

 

Still, his mother stands her ground.  “I’m sorry, Ben.  I miss her too.  I feel terrible about what happened.  I feel responsible too.”

 

She is disarmingly sincere, and that’s the very worst part.  He doesn’t want her pity.   Kylo advances fast with his sword upraised to strike.  “Get out!”

 

This time, Hux and his mother take the hint and quickly bow out.  Kylo extinguishes his sword and replaces his helmet as he turns back to contemplate space.  But his ears are burning as his super attuned senses allow him to hear the conversation as the general and his mother retreat. 

 

“He’s a mess,” his mother sounds terribly concerned.  “I was afraid this would happen.”

 

“He’s always like this.  Don’t you know?” Hux sniffs.  “Ren’s been half insane for years.  Some should put him out of his misery.”

 

“Someone tried that long ago,” his mother answers sourly. “That’s why we are in this mess.”

 

“It was bad enough when he was obsessed with Skywalker.  I guess now he’s obsessed with the dead Resistance girl.”

 

“Rey,” his mother corrects.  “Her name was Rey.”

 

“Yes, I remember.  Can we get back to work?  We have a lot of work to do.”


	43. Chapter 43

Anakin is a sweet baby.  He sleeps for long stretches, he is never colicky, and he only cries to signal he needs something.  Other moms in the company daycare are up walking the floor all night with sobbing children while little Ani sleeps peacefully wrapped in his swaddle blanket.  He fits neatly snuggled on Rey’s shoulder and tucks tight into the crook of her arm.   He is a blissful bundle of little sighs, sweet gummy smiles, and bright eyes.   Every time Rey looks down at her son, she falls in love a little more.

 

Rey pours her heart into her little baby.  She’s long been a survivor struggling on her own.  Not anymore.  Now, she has a new reason to succeed and a focus on more than herself.  It helps to heal her sore heart over Ben.  Maybe someday, Rey thinks, she will be able to love a man again.  Next time around, she will choose more wisely.   He will be an ordinary guy with a good heart and a stable job who can be a father figure to Anakin.  Without any drama or big ambitions or an overbearing family legacy that ruins everything.  But that’s a long way off.  Right now, Rey’s attention is all for Anakin.

 

For all the joy, motherhood is hard.  Far harder than it looks on the holonet.  She and the several other boarding employees who are mothers of babies sleep in the onsite nursery in chairs or huddled on the floor.  It turns out that Rey isn’t the only struggling single mother at CEC.  It’s a bit like an impromptu group home of similarly situated women.  These peers are a much needed source of support and information.  Also a chance to borrow a diaper here or there if Rey is waiting for payday to buy a new pack.  Rey might be on her own, but she is far from alone.  And that really helps. 

 

She had been terrified to become a mother.  Rey can’t remember her own mother so she feared she would not know what to do.  But the other mothers help and a lot of the role comes naturally.   Sometimes you can overthink this, one of the more experienced moms tells her.   Don’t overthink this.  It turns out to be good advice.  Rey muddles along and little Anakin thrives. 

 

Credits quickly become an issue.  Rey is constantly overspending her check and falling fast into debt.  Babies are very expensive, she learns.  There seems to be no end to what they need from supplies that are consumed daily to clothes they grow out of fast.  Plus, Rey has only ever lived in a barter economy.  She’s used to striking deals and making arrangements for payment.  But none of that works on Corellia.  Baby formula costs what it costs and the store won’t sell it to you for less.  Rey spends every credit she earns on Anakin and nothing on herself.  But it is still not enough.  The nursery has the crib she needs but that’s about it.   As the weeks wear on, Rey gets deeper and deeper in a hole even though her and Ani’s life is decidedly no-frills.

 

Rey works overtime and gets as many extra shifts as she can, but everyone is trying to do the same and Rey has the lowest priority as a very recent hire.   It’s not long before Rey realizes that she needs a better paying job.  There are other opportunities but none have the subsidized onsite nursery and dormitory like CEC does.  So, Rey stays where she is.   She will make this gig last as long as she can.  But she seems unable to amass even a meager savings to prepare for moving on. 

 

One of the other mothers has a brother who gets hired onto a space salvage crew.  As Rey hears more about his new job, she herself gets interested.  It turns out to be the solution she is looking for. 

 

Rey is hired onto a salvage ship based out of Corellia.  It’s basically a trash transport in space.  The giant ship plods along hyperspace lanes picking up cargo debris, disabled ships, and the miscellaneous flotsam and jetsam of space that can make lightspeed dangerous.   In the aftermath of war, this task is especially important.  For space battles mean there are abandoned weaponry, mangled ships, and battle debris floating randomly in space.  The ship’s powerful tractor beam retrieves these items for collection.  They are pulled onboard and sorted in enormous bins.  Rey will be responsible for minor equipment repairs and regular maintenance, but mostly she will man the ship’s slow progress for a six-hour daily shift.

 

It is not a desirable job for most people.  The work is seven days a week and the ship only returns to its homeport on Corellia once a month.  Rey is warned that the work is monotonous and that other than droids, the giant vessel is only inhabited by a five-man crew.   She’ll be stuck day in, day out with the same coworkers doing the same thing for a month at a time in space.

 

That all sounds good to Rey.  She won’t have to pay for room and board, and that makes the pay even more lucrative.  Rey is fine to be away from Corellia isolated in space for long stretches.  She figures it will help shield her and Anakin from discovery.  Rey feels very certain that Snoke will be looking for her.  Maybe Ben too.  And it’s not like she has friends or family to miss back home anyway.  Best of all, during her shift, Rey can keep Anakin with her at all times.   Her supervisor is fine with her keeping a small playpen in the control center when Rey isn’t wearing Anakin in a sling.  This job might not be a good solution if her son were older and more active, but it’s perfect for the very young baby stage.  Rey plans to use this gig as an opportunity to save up credits.  So, she signs a six-month employment contract she can’t read and they wouldn’t let her negotiate anyway.  Then, she gets an advance on her first month’s pay to buy a month’s worth of baby supplies and some secondhand baby gear. 

 

Election day arrives just before Rey leaves Corellia.  On a whim, Rey decides to vote.  She has suffered for this new Senate that she and Ben had concocted, and she wants to be a part of the election.  It turns out not to be much of a contest.  The slate of First Order candidates for Corellia runs unopposed.  But still, Rey thinks, just the appearance of an election is progress.  And in some Core systems, minority candidates are on the ballot.  A few are predicted to win.

 

Rey waits in an hour-long line holding Ani until it is her chance to cast her vote.  Someday when her son is old enough, Rey will tell him about his parents’ role in all of this.  Anakin will learn what she and Ben had tried to do.  To remake the First Order a little less extreme and more centrist.  To remake the Force with the two sides in harmony and not in conflict.  To leave behind old cycles of civil war and dictatorships waiting to be overthrown.  In a strange irony, a lot of what she and Ben attempted has worked.  It’s she and Ben that fell apart. 

 

That night, Rey watches the election returns on the holonet with the other moms in the nursery.  Handsome Chancellor Hux gives an impassioned speech that has the other women swooning.   Then Vice Chancellor Leia Organa gives a prosy interview about the value of the democratic process and how this initial Senate is just the beginning.  Next, the news broadcasters read aloud a joint statement from the two Supreme Leaders Snoke and Kylo Ren.  It’s all a bit surreal.  But it’s encouraging too. 

 

Rey isn’t bitter that she isn’t a part of the election night hoopla.  She doesn’t care that she doesn’t receive any recognition.  But she is proud of her contribution all the same.  No will remember Lieutenant Renata Solo.  But the galaxy will remember what she did.  The barely literate scavenger girl from the Rim had mattered after all.  Ben once told her that she was a nobody from nowhere.  It was harsh but true.  But thanks to an improbable series of events and the Force, that nobody from nowhere had made a difference.  In time, Rey muses, perhaps these elections will be free and fair.  Maybe years from now, a nobody from nowhere will get elected Senator on election night.  And then, the ideals of the Resistance will prevail even if that ragtag band of freedom fighters had lost the war. 

 

Rey’s isn’t the only one feeling positive.  Around her in the nursery of new mothers, there is a lot of hope.   “Just think, my Callie might end up a Senator someday.  My little girl could be someone important like Leia Organa,” a war widow beside Rey says.  While this mother has never acknowledged it, everyone thinks her dead husband was a Resistance pilot.  The other moms all speculate but no one wants to ask.  As a general rule, Rey has noticed that her coworkers seek to avoid personal talk about the war.  It’s a small thing that reveals just how weary average, ordinary people are of galactic conflict.  Rey gets the sense that on both sides everyone is relieved it’s over.  People just seem to want to move on.

 

“Maybe Anakin will rule the galaxy when he grows up,” the woman now gushes over at Rey.  That’s Rey’s cue to dutifully nod and smile yes.  But inside, she fervently hopes no.  For behind the smooth speech and elegant demeanor of Leia Organa that the public sees, Rey knows there lies a lot of sorrow.  Just like how behind the mask of Kylo Ren there is a man who struggles to find his way beset by an overbearing Master.  Rey wants to save Anakin from all of that.  She will keep her son from the Force and from Snoke for as long as she possibly can. 

 

Two weeks later, Rey starts work at her new job.   Trash must be her business, Rey thinks.  On Jakku, she had salvaged wrecks for parts to trade for food.  Now, she is collecting wrecks and trash in space. 

 

Hauling trash has Rey traversing the major hyperspace lanes of the Core between and among worlds like Chandrila, Kuat, Plexis, Duwot, and even Coruscant.  This is the most populous, most prosperous sector of the galaxy.  Where civilian ships, military transports, and trade ships by the millions enter and exit hyperspace on a daily basis.  And so, while Rey’s work is hardly glamorous, it is very necessary.   For even with heavy shielding, a collision with debris can be fatal at lightspeed.  Moreover, a single collision can result in a chain reaction of collisions when the initial crash generates its own debris field.  That magnifies the damage and loss of life.  Those sorts of accidents can result in a hyperspace lane being shut down for a day or more, costing everyone time and credits. 

 

There is a lot of trash to be collected these days, for the war has left its mark on space.  In deep space regions outside the gravitational pull of a planetary system, debris floats freely and slowly migrates.  The garbage transport hauls in discarded ordnance, pieces of ships, sometimes dead men in escape capsules, even floating frozen bodies now and then.  Rey is not squeamish about these casualties of war.  She saw plenty of them on Jakku.   Once the transport is filled to the brim, it returns to port.  Maximum capacity usually coincides with a monthly stop at Corellia for fuel and supplies. 

 

If their load is low towards the end of the month, the transport makes a trip down the abandoned hyperspace lanes that lead to and from the remains of the Hosnia system.  There, they collect what little remains of that world.  The captain, Rey’s supervisor, is an old timer who tells stories of years spent collecting debris from the remnants of the Alderaan system back in the day.   With his gallows humor, the captain winks at Rey and calls it ‘job security.’  As long as there are superweapons, he assures Rey, we will have a job. 

 

The captain is easygoing and Rey’s coworkers are fine.  Rey keeps to herself a lot because she has Anakin to care for nonstop with no help.  It gives her lots of time to think.  Looking down at her baby boy, Rey can’t help but wonder what he will become in time.  That innocent remark by the other mother on election night had really spooked Rey.  Her friend had no way of knowing it, but that silly comment about Anakin someday ruling the galaxy might actually come true whether Rey likes it or not.  And that gets Rey obsessing over whether her boy will repeat his father’s struggles in life.  And, if so, what will that mean?

 

And that train of thought has Rey remembering the good and the bad of Ben.  She thinks of how she had come to consciousness on the _Supremacy_ before Ben had awoken.  He was laying there knocked out and vulnerable at her feet.  Rey could have taken Ben’s sword and killed him right then and there.  Striking him down and finishing what Luke Skywalker had started years ago when he pulled his own sword on his sleeping nephew.  But that hadn’t been the right decision then, and it wasn't the right decision for Rey in the moment either.   Because condemnation is not the way of the Light.   Compassion is.   She had come to the _Supremacy_ to save Ben Solo, not to kill him. 

 

You have to give people time to change, Rey knows now.  Luke had assumed that Ben’s birth and his Dark tendencies meant Ben’s destiny was already determined for him.  But it wasn’t.  The man Rey loved who had wanted to leave the past behind and to balance the Force was not a man whose life choices were static.  Ben was a man seeking change both for himself and for the galaxy.  A man beginning to come into his own at long last.  Until Snoke reappeared to ruin everything.  

 

There had been so much promise in the Ben Solo Rey had known.   It’s why she had left the Resistance to join him and had worked towards his reforms.  Rey had believed in Ben’s big picture of the future, no matter his past mistakes.  She had hope for Ben when even his own mother did not.  And though Rey had seen Ben consumed by Darkness, she had also seen Ben’s many inclinations to the Light.  Given enough time and a reprieve from the influence of Snoke, Rey feels certain now that Ben would have kept moving closer to the Light.  It wouldn’t have been a linear, incremental path, she guesses.  Probably more like two steps forward, one step back, executed in shaky fits and starts.  Probably too a lot more Dark than Light.  But in the end, perhaps Ben would have landed somewhere in the middle like he had hoped. 

 

None of us are fixed as personalities.  We all grow from our experiences, including from our mistakes.  Not everyone will see the error of their ways to rehabilitate, Rey knows.  But to deny others the chance to change is to deny the Light in them.   To give up hope.  But it’s not hope for others that Ben needed, it was hope for himself.  For one uncomfortable lesson Rey learned the hard way in Snoke’s throne room is that you cannot redeem another person.   They have to redeem themselves.   Change always starts from within.

 

Plus, there is nothing compassionate about making moral ultimatums in the Light.  Rey’s goal in the throne room had been all wrong.  She sees now the foolishness of trying to bait Ben into switching sides.  And, really, that insight is the genius of Kylo Ren.  Ben saw firsthand the fallacy of both the Jedi and Sith traditions.  Ben had wanted to move past all those simplistic views of right and wrong, Light and Dark.  It’s too bad they never got the chance to see where it all would lead, Rey thinks.  The peace deal had been a big step in the right direction.  Maybe had Snoke not reappeared, things might have progressed from there.  Perhaps her and Kylo’s two perspectives, reconciled together with some patience, might have blossomed into greatness one day.  Maybe even balanced the Force. 

 

Had this been Snoke’s real motivation to separate them?  Had Snoke feared her effect on Ben?  Had Snoke worried that her and Ben’s combined power in the Force might overcome him?  If so, then in the end, Snoke got his way.  Because she and Ben are forever broken up and now Rey is severed from the Force.   And all those lofty dreams of working together to forge a better future are gone.  The only dreams Rey has these days are for the little baby sleeping down the hall.

 

The garbage transport Rey works on runs across the First Order fairly frequently, Rey discovers.   The First Order keeps a large and visible presence in the galaxy’s conquered Core.  Rey sees everything from convoys of one-man fighters to small fleets of capital ships passing by on their way to jump to hyperspace.  Once while working very close to Coruscant, the transport comes across the _Supremacy_.  Look at the size of that thing, the captain remarks as he whistles low.  That’s no ship, that’s a space station, he decides.  The captain turns to Rey who is holding Anakin up for a good look.  Do you think old Snoke is on his ship today?   Rey shrugs and says that she doesn't know.  Her attention is captured far more by the smaller star destroyer parked next to the _Supremacy_ in Coruscant’s orbit.  It is dwarfed by its enormous counterpart, but Rey would know Kylo Ren’s flagship _Finalizer_ anywhere.  Closing her eyes a moment, Rey can picture Ben commanding tall and quiet at the helm of the bridge.  Standing deep in meditation just like his beloved grandfather before him. 

 

Oh Ben, I miss you, Rey thinks.  I miss your goofy face that will never be handsome but was gorgeous to me.  I miss your jaded sarcasm and your blunt speaking of truths.   I miss your brooding over your family and your conviction over the Force.  I miss your arms around me holding me close.  I miss your sword on the bedside table and your cape discarded on the floor.  I miss hearing ‘I love you’ over the bond.  I miss everything about you and everything about us. 

 

Someday, Ani, Rey thinks to herself, I will tell you the story of your famous father.  I will tell you all about the private man behind the mask who I knew.  The needy man prone to extremes whose greatest challenge turned out not to be conquering the galaxy, but finding and keeping love.  He was a bold man who slew his Master in an attempt at liberation.  He was a brash man who dared to throw out a thousand generations of tradition in search of something new.  Together, your father and I might have succeeded had we got the chance.  But we didn’t, and we failed.  And then you came along and mommy’s priorities and choices changed.

 

Ani, I will tell you all about them when the time comes:  Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Darth Vader, and Master Snoke.  I want you to know the sad truth about the toxic clan of the Chosen Ones.  I want you to know the story of your secret family from an outsider’s perspective.   For no matter what they say, the Chosen Ones were torn apart more by their stubborn ambitions and incessant wars than by the Force.  The Skywalkers have always been their own worst enemies, whether they admit it or not.  Ani, I want you prepared so when someday one of them appears to you claiming kinship and promising truth, you will have the wisdom not to be taken in.  You might be a Skywalker, but you are just as much me as you are them, Rey thinks.  And, if one day you grow to rule the galaxy, I want it to be your choice on your terms.  But be careful what you wish for.  Because if there is one lesson I learned from the Skywalkers, it’s that power is a poor substitute for love.


	44. Chapter 44

Loss is a slow experience.  There is the initial shock and pain.  Maybe some denial too.  And then there is the unfolding process of understanding all the ways in which your life is forever changed.  And that is when the true sorrow sets in.  But after a while, you have to make a choice to move on.  To let go of your grief and to embrace life anew.  Kylo steadfast refuses to do this.  He’s always been obsessive and in this he is no different.  He grabs hold of his pain and latches on.  There will be no moving on from Rey, he vows.  Not now that her memory has become a talisman for power.

 

And that is how he finds himself on Jakku. 

 

Kylo walks alone and unmasked in the desert.  The ships graveyard is a desolate place, eerie in its windswept stillness.  Kylo has been to this wretched world twice before.  But today, he has come back to see again the wreckage of the Imperial Navy decayed and bleached for decades by the uncaring sun.  Rey must have been a beacon of Light and hope in this landscape of death, Kylo thinks as he looks around.   It’s hard to imagine just how harsh and lonely childhood must have been in this place. 

 

Rey had been ashamed when they had stopped here on the way back from Mustafar, Kylo remembers.  She shouldn’t have been.  But that was Rey.  Measuring her squalid life and meager experiences against what she saw on the holonet.  For all her rapture at the glamour of life, Rey had never seemed to want that for herself.  That he was Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order and Crown Prince of lost Alderaan, had never mattered to her.  If anything, it was an impediment.  He could have given Rey any material possession her heart desired, but Rey didn’t ask for much.  In fact, mostly he was the one offering and she was the one turning him down.  When he did succeed in stuffing credits into her hands, she gave them all away to the Resistance.  Kylo smiles at the memory of that.  It was so Rey.  

 

He thinks about the vagabond waif he had met in the woods on Takodana.   So skinny and tan in her desert rags.  But remarkably self-possessed and ready to fight.  Rey had shot first.  He loved that about her.  In hindsight, Kylo might have fallen in love right then and there.   Rey was special from the very beginning.  It just took him time to recognize that.

 

After he has wandered the old wrecks for an hour, Kylo takes the shuttle over to Rey’s AT-AT home.  No one appears to be living there now, and inside the contents have long since been picked clean. But otherwise, it’s as he remembers from what he saw in Rey’s mind.  Cramped, dark, and sandy.  Kylo wanders over to one wall and starts wiping at it with his glove, brushing away layers of sand that have blown in.  When he has a two-meter square section uncovered, Kylo steps back. 

 

Of all the sorrowful things on this wasteland world, he thinks, this is by far the saddest sight of all. Kylo sighs as he takes in the record of days scratched in neat rows of tally marks across several walls.  Each mark a testament to Rey’s dogged will to survive.  And that’s perfectly fitting, he thinks, since the Light is eternal too.  It flickers and dims from time to time, but it does not go out.  Sadly, Kylo realizes that harsh Jakku couldn’t kill his girl.  It took the Skywalkers to do that. Had Rey never found that droid in the desert, she would probably be alive here now.  Starving, scavenging, watching the holonet, and dreaming of a family who would never come.  

 

Damn, he thinks, his girl had deserved better in life.  

 

Suffering makes you stronger.  But it changes you, too.  Rey was tough and brave because she had to be.  Impressively resourceful and independent as well.  But very damaged.  Just like he himself is damaged, only in different ways.  What would Rey be like without Jakku?  Would she have been happy if she finally got her normal life?  That’s a silly fantasy, Kylo knows.  Like imagining himself without all his family drama and without the Force.   It’s an alternate reality that would probably take away the best and the worst of them both.  

 

But still . . .   Fuck, his girl had deserved better in life than this.  

 

He can’t tear his eyes away from the tally marks on the wall.  He has a matching set of marks carved with his sword on the wall in his quarters on the _Finalizer_.  At the time, he had thought of it as a calendar of her captivity, but in reality it had been a countdown to Rey’s death.  And that unhappy thought is what triggers depressed, bereft Kylo Ren to cry.  

 

“Ben?”

 

He senses a ripple in the Force and whirls to find his uncle’s ghostly apparition.  Luke Skywalker looks  young, appropriately heroic, and sparkly blue.  Great, Kylo thinks, just great.  His old Master’s timing was never good.  Kylo averts his face and blinks back his tears, hoping they don’t show.  

 

But they must because the Jedi tries again.  This time, he has a much softer tone. “Hello kid.”

 

Kylo bristles.  He’s not a kid anymore.  He leads the galaxy, but of course his uncle won’t acknowledge that.  So Kylo deliberately fails to acknowledge him.  Instead, he launches into the Rebellion era past because it’s a safe topic while he regains his composure.  “Were you at the Battle of Jakku?”  Kylo gestures to the AT-AT wreckage around him.

 

“Yes.”  The Jedi nods. 

 

“Is it true you took down a capital ship with the Force?  Or was that at the battle for the Kuat Shipyards?”  Kylo gets those late Imperial battles mixed up.  It’s not his favorite part of history to study for obvious reasons.

 

“I wasn’t at Kuat.  And, no, I never scuttled a ship with the Force.  Those stories aren't true. Most of the stories about me aren’t true.”

 

Kylo responds to this modesty with some bravado of his own.  “All of the stories about me are true,” he sneers.  “All of them and more.”

 

“That’s nothing to be proud of,” his uncle dryly observes.  He’s peering at Kylo with concern now.  Did he see those tears?   He hopes Luke Skywalker didn’t see those tears.  Kylo feels his face turn red.  In his embarrassment, he completely forgets the larger issue of his yellow eyes.  It turns out that Luke Skywalker is disturbed by his Sith eyes and not his display of emotion.  “I have seen those same eyes in different people.  I know what they mean,” the Jedi sounds very displeased.

 

“Come to judge me some more?”  Kylo turns away.   Truthfully, he is kind of ashamed of his yellow eyes.

 

“I’m here to help you.  I have only ever wanted to help you.  I wish you could see that.”   Luke Skywalker relaxes his stance.  He seems oddly compassionate now.  “Those eyes mean that you are suffering—“

 

“No shit!  Rey is dead.  Did you know that?”

 

“No.  I didn’t.”   Luke Skywalker makes a face and gripes, “Being one with the Force doesn’t give you all the answers. I wish it did.”   But the Jedi Master is soon compassionate again.  Is that pity in his face?  “I’m sorry, Ben.  I know you cared for her.”

 

“I loved her!   And she loved me!  Snoke ruined it.  And my mother helped.”  His celibate Jedi uncle probably can’t understand how he feels.   Jedi don’t feel much at all—that’s the point.   And it’s part of why Kylo couldn’t cut it on the Light Side.  He’s far too human to distance himself from his emotions, and he didn’t even want to try. “Leave me alone.  Go haunt my mother,” he complains. 

 

“I can’t.  I’ve tried.  She won’t let me in.  Leia was never big on the Force.”  His uncle’s eyes narrow as he requests, “Tell me about Rey.  What happened?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Kylo lashes out.

 

“It might help if you talk about it.”

 

“What is there to say?” he half wails.  And then to belie his words, Kylo confesses, “I can’t believe she’s gone.  It’s been months and it’s still so . . .  so . . .”  His voice trails off.

 

“No one’s ever really gone,” his uncle says softly. 

 

“She is.”   And now, Kylo feels like he might cry again.  Because this hurts.  It really hurts.  “I can’t find her in the Force.”  He has tried time and again to contact his beloved in the netherworld of the Force but to no avail.  Looking over at his uncle, Kylo hazards a request, “Can you find her?”  Maybe the dead Jedi will have his uses after all. 

 

“The Force isn’t like some child’s version of heaven.  We don’t all hang out together here.”

 

“But will you look for her?  Please?” he pleads.

 

His old Jedi Master reverts to form. “Let go, Ben,” he counsels.  “It’s for the best.”

 

“No!” Kylo won’t hear of it.  “Look for her!   Please!” he pleads again. 

 

Luke Skywalker’s mouth sets into a hard line now.  Disapproval is written all over his face.  “My father refused to let go.  First his mother.  Then his wife.  He was never able save either of them and he lost himself trying.   Do not emulate Vader in this,” Luke Skywalker instructs.  “Death is the way of the Force.”

 

Old Snoke had told him much the same thing.  And Kylo knows that it is good advice.  But Rey was the only good thing in his life and he’s unwilling to move on.   Can’t anyone understand this?   “She’s the only person in my life who never let me down,” he speaks aloud his plaintive eulogy.

 

Skywalker thinks that comment is about himself.  Now, he’s the defensive one.  “I’ve told you that I failed you—“

 

“I failed her!   I couldn’t protect her from Snoke!  And she couldn’t save herself from him either . . . ” Kylo’s voice trails off again.  That admission is hard for him.  Because if he were able to do this all over again, Kylo is not sure he could prevent Rey’s death.  Not without killing Snoke.  In the end, this is all Snoke’s fault.

 

His uncle wisely switches topics.  “Tell me about those eyes.  When did you go the full Sith?”

 

Kylo doesn’t answer. He is uncomfortable about his eyes.  Do they have to talk about this?

 

“Is this about Rey?”

 

Yes.  Again, he lashes out, “I need this power to get my revenge.  So lay off!   I’ll never kill Snoke without more power.”

 

“Revenge is a lot less satisfying than you think it is.  It hurts you as much as it hurts your victim,” Luke Skywalker spouts some Jedi wisdom.

 

It grates. “Don’t lecture me.”

 

“There are alternatives to fighting.”

 

“I’m not about to redeem Snoke, if that’s what you are suggesting,” Kylo snaps.  “Even you weren’t fool enough to try that.”

 

“You’re going down a path you will regret in the end,” his uncle sternly warns.

 

Kylo decides that he has heard enough.  “How come you get to haunt me?  How come I can’t talk to Vader instead?   Tell the Force to send him next time.”

 

“This is a specific skill. You have to learn it. I can teach you, Ben,” his uncle offers again.

 

“I thought you gave up teaching,” Kylo jeers.  “You sure didn’t teach Rey. Besides, there’s no one I plan to bother when I’m dead.”

 

“That’s the point, Ben, no one is ever truly gone.”  His uncle looks frustrated by their bickering.  “I’m very sorry about Rey.  What happened?”

 

“She’s dead.  That’s what happened.”  Kylo shoots his uncle a resentful look.  “Don’t pretend you are too sad.  You didn’t like her at all.”

 

“That’s true.”  Skywalker nods.  “She beat me with her stick and then pulled her sword on me.  Rey could be a hard girl to like.”

 

Kylo blinks.  He’s surprised and intrigued.  “Really?  She never told me that.”

 

“It’s true.”

 

“I think I love her even more now,” Kylo speaks his thoughts aloud.

 

“Rey had great power. And she was drawn to Darkness.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised she ended up with you.”  Luke Skywalker looks none too pleased. 

 

“You taught her nothing!”  Kylo accuses.  “Of course, she came to me!”

 

“Well, you can’t blame me for being a little unenthusiastic about teaching given what happened with you,” Skywalker points out.

 

“You still think this is all my fault, don’t you?”  Kylo is annoyed.  “Like you and my parents had nothing to do with it.   Like you didn’t know Snoke was out there.   He was waiting for me.  He says so himself!”

 

“We failed to protect you—“

 

“You didn’t try!” Kylo roars out his resentment.   “Instead, your lies created the perfect situation for him to manipulate!”

 

“When are you going to stop blaming other people for your bad choices in life?” Skywalker complains.   “At some point, you stopped being the victim and became the villain.  You were the prey who became the predator.  Well, don’t look for my sympathy.  You’re not a kid anymore, Kylo Ren,” the Jedi bites back.

 

“Don’t lecture me.”

 

“Those eyes tell me you haven’t learned a thing.”

 

“This isn't for me—this is for Rey!” His girl deserves vengeance.  Kylo lives for this vengeance.  It’s the only thing that gives meaning to his loss.  It’s galling, but Snoke’s advice to channel his hurt into power had been right all along.

 

Skywalker shakes his head.  His uncle has that same disappointed, chiding look to his face that Kylo remembers well from his youth.  “Vader told himself the same lie about his wife.   But he didn’t go to the Dark Side for your grandmother. He did it for himself.  Because he wouldn’t let go.”

 

“He loved her!  Like I love Rey!”

 

“He refused to let go.  He feared losing his wife—“

 

“Because fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering?  Is that it?” Kylo sneers out his sarcasm.

 

“Yeah, that’s it,” his old Master nods.  “You were listening.   Who knew?  Too bad you didn’t learn that lesson.  Those yellow eyes tell me you haven’t learned that lesson.  Darkness can consume you,” Skywalker warns.  “Vengeance is selfish, Ben.”

 

Fuck this guy.  Kylo is through. “Go away!   I don’t want a lecture on attachments!  It’s too late for that.”

 

“Yes, I can see that.”  The Jedi looks very frustrated now, but still he repeats, “I’m sorry about Rey.  I can help you if you will only listen--”

 

“Go away!”  Go back to Yoda and Kenobi and all the rest of those righteous Light Side masters who are probably wringing their hands right now as they watch him in the Force.  The Jedi tradition has no good answers for a Chosen One like himself.  And who the fuck cares if he has yellow eyes?   It’s only a temporary thing.

 

“Ben, I know all about grief. I grieved you for years.” 

 

“Fuck you!  You ran and hid.  Then you rejected the girl who came to you for help.  You got what you deserved!” 

 

“Find a lesson in this loss.  That is the only way to come to grips with suffering and move on.” 

 

“I told you--it’s too late for preaching about attachments--” 

 

“This is not about attachments--”

 

“So this is ‘the Dark Side leads to unhappiness’?  Is that it?”

 

“No.  That’s not it. But, yes, it does.”

 

“I was unhappy as a Jedi, remember?”  Ben runs a frustrated hand through his hair.  He’s terribly rattled and this bickering is pointless.  Why does the Force keep sending his uncle?  It doesn’t help.  “Rey and I were going to find balance.  But that’s all gone now.   Everything I wanted died with her,” he mutters.  And that’s truly how it feels.  Like there is nothing to look forward to any longer.  Like there is nothing left to achieve that will matter in the end.  Nothing matters without Rey, Kylo laments. 

 

Once, exacting his revenge on his uncle and conquering the galaxy had meant everything.  Hunting down Luke Skywalker had been his single-minded focus for years.  But then, Rey appeared and suddenly there were new, previously unthinkable challenges to achieve.  Together, he and Rey would end the war and balance the Force.  They would be happy like no other Skywalkers gone before.  But those dreams all died with Rey.  And now, his old accomplishments feel hollow and unsatisfactory. 

 

Maybe that’s because once you know love and all the hopeful dreams it brings, you can never go back.  Kylo is not the same person he was before Rey.  Love forever changes you.  In its aftermath, you feel incomplete and your future is dimmed.  There are days when Kylo thinks he would give it all up for a second chance with Rey.  Because that’s what a fool he is for love. 

 

But now, all he has left is bitter revenge.  Kylo has latched on to that idea and refuses to let go.

 

“I will become more powerful that you can possibly imagine,” he vows to his Jedi Master uncle.  “And then, I will kill Snoke.  I will kill him once and for all time!”

 

“Right now, it looks more like you are killing yourself,” Luke observes calmly.  His condescension rankles.  “There are alternatives to fighting, Ben.  If you would just listen--”

 

“Go the fuck away!  And don’t come back!” Kylo bellows.

 

His uncle gives up and disappears, leaving Kylo behind upset.  He feels worse now than before.  Keyed up, anxious, and angry at the universe.  One thing always helps when he gets like this, Kylo knows.  Violence.  He needs violence.   So Kylo sets out to even a score for Rey.  If he cannot yet give her revenge for Snoke, he will at least give her revenge for Unkar Plutt today.  

 

Minutes later, Kylo stands unnoticed on the perimeter of the Niima Outpost.  It’s a homely, desperate looking place, more a makeshift desert shantytown than anything else.  There are people milling around and a few itinerant peddlers here and there.  Everyone is visibly armed, he notes.   

 

Niima Outpost is probably the worst place he’s been, but Kylo has seen quite a few contenders for the title over the years.  A lot of the underdeveloped, remote worlds of the Rim look like some version of this.  They are the reason Kylo Ren rules today, for these worlds are where the First Order found its initial foothold.  These are places where the empty promises of the New Republic cut deep and cost lives in waves of famine and disease.   Where general lawlessness had citizens poised to gladly trade their freedoms for security.  Where persistent poverty had people angry and demanding change.  These forgotten worlds joined with the outlying industrial systems and the many marginalized non-human worlds to form a coalition.  In a few short years, Snoke had created a populist reform movement with an anti-democracy, anti-Core message.  

 

It spread like wildfire across the Rim. To this day, the First Order has no shortage of men and women signing up to fight and die for its cause.  Because people like Rey of Jakku have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  They had been promised change for years by the Republic.  Then one day, they grew tired of waiting and asking for change.  They decided to be the change.  And that is how the galaxy went to war.  The cushy, complacent Core worlds never saw the First Order coming.  Their arrogance blinded them to everything but their own concerns.   That’s why when the tanks rolled into Coruscant, Chandrila and Corellia, the rest of the galaxy had cheered.

 

Kylo watches from afar as business is conducted.  Jakku is a barter economy and its proxy currency is food.  All the food is controlled by the junk boss Unkar Plutt, who personally supervises its distribution.  First some stooped and wizened old man offers up scrap for sale.  Plutt turns him down flat.  But I haven’t eaten in two days, the man pleads.  The Crolute is unmoved.  Next up steps a mother with a dirty kid at her side.  Again, the Crolute refuses sale.  The woman argues back that the scrap she pulled was worth three portions just last week.  But she’ll settle for a single portion today.  At her side, the kid pulls at his mother’s cloak and complains that he’s hungry.  He starts to cry.  And now the woman starts to beg.  But she is turned away empty handed too.

 

Thinking of another hungry child who had been starved by Plutt, Kylo has seen enough. He lights his sword.  In a swirl of wind-whipped black robes, the ruler of the galaxy strides up to the trading kiosk and drags out Unkar Plutt.  He tosses the ugly Crolute to the ground at his feet.   Kylo eschews any preamble.  He is a man of action, not words.  He simply plunges his sword deep.  This man will not die in a merciful quick beheading.  He will suffer until the end.  Moments later, the condemned takes his last gasping breath.  Unkar Plutt is dead.  Rey is avenged.  

 

Kylo exhales from behind his mask.  Yes, that violence had felt good.  It’s only a panacea, he knows.  Both for himself and for Jakku.  Rey had said that there was no point in killing Plutt because another criminal would only step up to fill his place.  Looking around at the small crowd of stunned, scared looking faces, Kylo decides to leave this place better than he found it.  He will establish a small full-time garrison here.  There will be law and order on Jakku, even if it’s too late to help Rey.  

 

Kylo walks over to the woman with the hungry child.  “Take all the water and portions you need,” he tells her before he departs.  Rey wouldn’t like him killing Plutt, he knows.  But she would like that, Kylo hopes. 


	45. Chapter 45

The day for the Senate convocation rolls around.  The First Order has long had a penchant for pageantry, thanks to Snoke’s love of theatrics.  And so, the occasion is a grand spectacle broadcast live on the holonet to billions.   In attendance on Coruscant are numerous First Order dignitaries and military leaders, as well as ambassadors and business moguls.  It’s a who’s who of the power elite of the First Order.  Every major player who helped Snoke win the war is here to witness the newly elected Senators publicly swear fealty to the First Order and its dual Supreme Leaders. 

 

Kylo stands at the top of the central dais in his full regalia.  He is flanked by Chancellor Hux and Vice Chancellor Organa.  On Kylo’s right standing in his regal Senate robes, the redheaded Hux looks disconcertingly like a taller version of Sheev Palpatine from his pre-Clone Wars days as the junior Senator from Naboo.  His petite mother looks positively little standing on Kylo’s left.  But the very composed expression Leia Organa wears can only be described as regal.  She’s in full princess mode today, Kylo thinks sourly.  His mother is oozing gravitas. 

 

Together, he, Hux, and his mother are an uneasy trio full of personal animosity and political bitterness, with an ever-present subtext of rivalry.  But in this very stage-managed public forum, they appear pleasant and unified for the cameras.  Only those within earshot know differently.

 

All in attendance are on their feet to show respect for the presence of Supreme Leader Ren.  With a lazy wave, Kylo bids his esteemed guests to sit.  Then, the long ceremony begins.  In groups of two, the newly elected junior and senior Senators from each system are announced to approach the dais. They kneel to recite their oath of office.  It’s a mouthful of crap about solemnly swearing to defend and protect the First Order and to faithfully discharge the duties of Senator of the new galactic Empire.  Kylo listens impatiently.  Then he nods and curtly responds, "Senators, go in peace to serve the Empire."  Hux and his mother proceed to shake hands with the new Senators to congratulate them.  Then, that pair of Senators steps aside and the next pair approaches.  The process repeats again and again.

 

“This is why I wear a mask,” Kylo gripes under his breath.  “So I don’t have to pretend to look interested.”

 

“No one wants to see you anyway,” Hux sniffs.  “With your freak eyes, you’d scare all the school kids watching.  This Senate was your idea, remember?”

 

“It was Rey’s idea,” Kylo corrects.  “How many of these people are there?  This is wasting my time. Why can’t we swear them in as a group?”  This is very inefficient, Kylo thinks.  It’s just like the rest of democracy.  Time consuming and full of grandstanding.  He’s a man of action who likes to get things done.  All this plodding spectacle makes Kylo antsy. 

 

“Do we really need this many Senators?” he complains after the next pair step up.  “Can I just kill a few to make this quicker?” Kylo adds mostly to see if his mother is listening.

 

She is. “Don’t you dare!” Leia Organa hisses.  “This is an historic day for the galaxy,” she announces with annoying pomposity. 

 

“This is a boring day for the galaxy,” Kylo grouses. This whole event feels more like a victory lap for Leia Organa and her Resistance than it does for the First Order.  It makes Kylo’s habitual bad attitude even worse.  “I’d be happy with a lot less democracy right now.”  Like half as much.  Or maybe even less than that.   “What do you say, Hux?  Shall I kill a few just to remind everyone who’s in charge?”

 

“That would be cowardly even for you, Ren,” Hux retorts.  The man feels very bold these days, Kylo has noticed.  Hux knows he is bulletproof thanks to Snoke’s favor and Hux knows just what a puppet Supreme Leader Ren truly is.  It is humiliating and infuriating at the same time.  As a result, he and Hux have reverted to the constant verbal brawls they engaged in during the war. 

 

“Rey should be here,” Kylo thinks aloud with a sigh.  “She should get some recognition for this.”

 

“All the peace negotiators should be here.  Too bad you killed them all off.” Hux shoots him a covert glare that thankfully the cameras don’t catch.  “Those were good and loyal officers you murdered.”

 

“You still have plenty of groupies,” Kylo retorts.  “Even the princess here.  Having fun?” he asks his mother.  “I know there’s nothing you love better than being the star of a long, boring show like this.”

 

“If you are bored, just leave,” the now exasperated Senate Chancellor pointedly suggests.  “You’re not needed for much of anything any longer, Supreme Leader.   We can simply dress up some stooge in the mask and the get-up to stand around and look like you.  No one would be the wiser.  It’s not as if you are contributing anything of value.”

 

“Armitage!” his mother reprimands like they are little boys fighting on the playground.  “Ben is the reason why we have this Senate.  Give him that credit at least.”

 

“Rey is why we have this Senate,” Kylo reminds everyone again. 

 

“Why couldn’t you give your girlfriend flowers?  Or maybe a ring?  Did it have to be a legislature?” Hux mutters.  “Really, Ren, we won the war, remember?  Or did you miss that fact?”

 

“You don’t seem too displeased with your role,” Kylo observes.

 

“I serve where I am needed,” Hux answers loftily.  “If you had chosen a more suitable companion, we wouldn't have to go through this charade of a Senate.  Only you would fall for a Jedi girl who bested you with a sword.   Could you not find one of our own women to your liking?   Then we would be spared this Senate.   A First Order girl would never have demanded a Senate,” he gripes.

 

“That’s true.  I guess Ben could have given her a public execution instead,” his mother remarks dryly. 

 

Not to be outdone, Kylo sneers, “I’m fine with an execution.  Mother, let’s start with you.”  His voice is acid.  Kylo is still plenty angry at Leia Organa these days.

 

“May I remind you that she is our Vice Chancellor of the Senate now?” Hux huffs.  “We are trying to govern the galaxy, Ren.  There are larger issues at stake here than your mommy issues.  Now say the words, Ren,” the Chancellor prompts him.  “You’re holding things up.”  The two Senators from Lothal kneel dutifully awaiting the Leader’s blessing.  No doubt they are bewildered by this entire exchange.

 

Fine.  Whatever.  “Go in peace to serve the Empire,” Kylo drawls.  Then, he watches grumpily from behind his mask as Hux smoothly greets the two men and his mother beams that particular fake smile of hers which Kylo has always hated. 

 

This is going to be a long day, he thinks.  He goes back to analyzing ways to kill Snoke.  It’s Kylo’s favorite way to pass the time when he’s bored. 

 

Hours later, all the Senators are sworn in and the ceremonial first session of the legislature is convened to unanimously pass a fluffy and vague resolution praising the twin virtues of peace and order.  Hux gives a speech.  His mother gives a speech.  The day is heavy handed with symbolism, laden with feelgood catchphrases, and terribly dull.  Kylo decides to skip the glittering evening reception that caps off the day.  He’s had enough strange faces and parties are not his thing.  He escapes back to his quarters on the _Finalizer_ to brood.

 

Hux is right, Kylo will admit to himself.  Except for military matters, Supreme Leader Ren is superfluous.  For while his Master continues to keep his distance, Snoke is thoroughly involved in day-to-day matters of governance.  He pulls the puppet strings from afar, allowing his Apprentice very little true authority.  When it comes to matters involving in the Senate, Snoke prefers to manage Hux and his mother personally.  Kylo is kept appraised of developments, but not involved in the decisions.  Given the personalities involved, that is probably a wise decision.  But it makes Kylo more disengaged than ever. 

 

He’s bored. He needs a project or a hobby or something to capture his attention.  And he needs a friend.  Kylo misses having someone to talk to at night.  He’s surrounded by skittish yes-men and adversaries like Hux.  It makes him feel isolated and demoralized.   Kylo wonders from time to time why he is even doing this.  But day after day, he keeps going through the motions.

 

In desperation, Kylo convinces himself to try to move on. There are women on his ship.  Plenty of them.  He will choose one and take her to bed.  Maybe sex will make him feel better, he reasons.  Perhaps then he won’t feel so alone.  Rey is dead so it’s not like he is cheating on her.  And it won’t mean anything anyway.

 

That plan doesn’t work.   In fact, the whole process is a turn off.  After a lot of detached, almost clinical deliberation swiping on his datapad through the crew roster, Kylo settles on a bright-eyed, blonde weapons specialist with a wide smile.   She has an excellent record at a First Order military academy, she’s from an Imperial Exile family originally from the Core, and she has glowing reviews from her supervisors extolling her smooth people skills.  This woman is pretty much the furthest thing from Rey in looks, in background, and in demeanor.  That’s intentional.   This weapons specialist should be exactly what he wants, right? 

 

Wrong.   The problem with selecting a lover this way is that it ruins the serendipity of romance.  Or, in Rey’s case, the serendipity of combat.   Kylo recalls fondly how he had hunted Rey down in the woods while she shot at him.  She made quite an impression.  Then, he discovered that Rey had the Force.  A lot of Force.  Rey had bared her teeth at him panting as she resolutely thrust his mind out from hers during interrogation.  Rey had pushed so hard with her rudimentary attempt that she had stumbled over into his consciousness by accident.  Taking a brief but devastating look at his self-doubt and fears.  Kylo had been dumbfounded.   Rey tried to shoot him again in the woods on the Starkiller.   His girl is fierce like that.   And then she proceeded to kick his ass with his grandfather’s sword.  You can’t make stuff like this up.  It was all so improbable and exciting that, of course, it was destiny at work.  It was the Force.

 

It was nothing like swiping through the crew roster, he sighs.

 

He and Rey had chemistry from the very beginning, Kylo remembers.  And that chemistry wasn’t physical at first.  It was mental and it was magnetic.  It was only after Kylo became more acquainted with Rey that he began to appreciate her even-featured prettiness.  It was almost like Rey was attractive despite everything because his girl never made any attempt at her appearance.  If she had, Rey would have been a knockout for certain.  But there was never any vanity in her.   Kylo was fine with that.  Rey needed no enhancement to allure.   It was enough that she was just herself.  And there he goes again . . . reminiscing about the past.  Rey will be a hard act to follow, Kylo knows.  But maybe this pretty weapons specialist will suffice for now.

 

Kylo gets as far as summoning the poor woman to his quarters before he chickens out.  “I’m sorry,” he awkwardly tells the befuddled lieutenant sitting across from him.  They are alone drinking wine over a fancy dinner Kylo doesn’t want.  The conversation is stilted at best.  “This just isn’t working.  It’s not you, it’s me,” he confesses as he looks away in frustration.  

 

“Have I displeased you in some way, Supreme Leader?” the fearful woman asks.  He sees her gaze dart involuntary to his sword at his waist.  Does she think he’s going to kill her over a bad date?  Apparently so.  And now Kylo feels like both a tyrant and a lech.  Suddenly, he just wants this evening to end.

 

“You’re not her,” Kylo softly speaks the truth.  Rey wouldn’t sip wine and eat daintily as she flirted hard with him all night.  She would push her food around her plate and drink her soda and they would talk about the Force.   Her elbows would be on the table.  She’d probably sit with one leg tucked up under her.  Rey might tease him or challenge him or roll her eyes from time to time.  She was never shy about calling bullshit on him.  Once or twice, Rey had even pulled her sword.  Looking across now at the poised and cautious looking underling he has conscripted to take to bed, Kylo loses interest fast.  “You’re not her,” he repeats.  And really, there’s nothing more to say.

 

“I understand,” the woman replies solemnly.  “This is about your girlfriend, isn’t it?” 

 

Kylo nods.  Thanks to that very public confrontation with his mother on the bridge, the whole _Finalizer_ knows Supreme Leader Ren loved his dead pregnant girlfriend.  “Don’t take it personally,” Kylo tries to let this woman down easy.  “It’s just that I love her still.”  Saying the words out loud threatens to unman him as Kylo feels his emotions well up.   Abruptly, he stands and orders the weapons specialist dismissed. 

 

As soon as the door shuts behind her, Kylo throws the plates against the wall.  They break and make a mess.  But the bigger mess is him crying his eyes out like a child.  He’s an emotional guy and he has never been able to keep things bottled up.  Normally, he would go kill someone to blow off steam but he knows Rey would not approve of that.   It’s bad enough that he spent tonight plotting to cheat on her.  What was he thinking??  He’s an idiot.  He met his Padme Amidala and she was Rey of Jakku.  There’s no follow-up to that.

 

Frustrated, Kylo decides to fly.  Flying is the only thing that takes his mind off Rey.  So Kylo flies a lot lately.  He runs drills daily simulating dogfights with the First Order’s best squadron.  The challenge of combat gives him focus and a rush.  The simulated violence helps to manage his rage.  So Kylo impulsively scrambles six fighters even though it’s late.  Then, he heads for the hangar bay for his ship.  If he can’t kill someone, he can at least pretend to kill someone, and that might help.

 

Kylo is especially lethal in the cockpit tonight.  Dispatching his stand-in opponents one by one.  Again, he orders.  This time come at me four to one.  Kylo keeps having to escalate the degree of difficulty to keep things fun.  All this flight time together with his burgeoning Dark power have significantly upped his skills.  With his Force-assisted reflexes, there’s no one who can come close to tagging him these days.  While that’s gratifying, it somewhat lessens the thrill.  Kylo whips around now using Poe Dameron’s best trick to annihilate yet another ship.   No one ever sees that move coming.  It’s the second time he’s scored a simulated kill with it today.  Alright, he decides, that’s enough for tonight.

 

Kylo is about to head back to the _Finalizer_ when he receives a hail signal from an unknown nearby ship.  It’s not a military frequency and it’s not a distress call.  In fact, it looks as if the signal is coming from a garbage crawler parked by the Coruscant hyperspace lane exit.  That’s very unusual, so Kylo accepts purely out of curiosity.  He flips the com to open the channel in his headset.  “This is Black Leader of the First Order Apex Squadron.  Who is this?” he demands. 

 

Kylo’s heart stops as he hears a voice from beyond the grave.  “Ben?”

 

He freezes.  For a second, he can’t breathe.  Kylo doesn’t know if he is hallucinating or if his beloved is now a ghost in the Force speaking to him as a voice in his head.  Could this all be in his mind even if he thinks he’s hearing it through his headset?   Kylo whirls around now in his seat, expecting to find Rey’s ghost behind him in the cockpit. 

 

The voice speaks again.  “Ben?   Ben, is that you?”

 

Where is she?  He can’t see her.  Is this the remnants of the bond?  Or could it be that Rey can’t manifest her form, but just her essence?  Kylo frantically attempts to recall his uncle’s teachings about Force ghosts from decades past.  Of course, he hadn’t paid much attention to any of it.

 

“Ben?”  There she is again.  Kylo wants to answer back but his tongue seems stuck.  He is utterly flustered and stunned.  He feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.  He knows he needs to say something fast.  He can’t lose this opportunity, whatever it is.

 

Rey’s voice is disappointed when she next speaks.  “My mistake.  I must have the wrong ship.  It’s just that you fly like someone I used to know.  He had a TIE Silencer too.  I’m sorry,” she apologizes awkwardly over the crackling com transmission.  “I thought you were someone else.  My mistake.”

 

“Rey!” Kylo finally gasps out a response.  “Rey!   Is that you?”  Please say it’s you.  Please, he begs the Force, let me communicate some with her.  No one is ever really gone, right?  He has so much to tell Rey.  He needs her support and guidance desperately just now.  “Rey??”

 

“Ben?  Yes, it’s me.  It’s Rey.  Is this an open channel?  Ben, make this a private channel.  And send your guys home.”

 

“Okay.  Done.  Where are you?”  And what are you, he thinks.  He’s still uncertain what’s going on.

 

“I’m in the garbage crawler.”

 

What the Hell?  “You’re in the garbage crawler,” Kylo repeats her words in confusion. 

 

“Yes.  I work here now.”

 

“You work in the garbage crawler.”  He is trying to make sense of it all.  Force ghosts don’t have jobs.  “Rey, what are you telling me?  I can’t see you.  Where are you?  Show yourself.”   His words come out in a near frantic jumble. 

 

“I’m in the garbage crawler.”

 

Again with the garbage crawler.  “What are you telling me?  I’m confused.”

 

“Look, I’m turning off the tractor beam.  The cargo hold is on the starboard side facing the lane, so be careful when you approach not to get too close.  Land in the hold and I’ll meet you there.”

 

“Rey . . . are you . . . are you . . . “  He’s almost afraid to voice the words aloud.  But a creeping, hopeful suspicion has set in and will not be denied.

 

“Am I what?”

 

“Are you a-alive?” he stammers.

 

“Yes.”  Now she is the one to sound confused.  “Yes, I’m alive.  Ben, we need to talk.  I know this is risky, but there’s something you should know.  But first, I need you to promise me that you won’t make trouble for me.  I need you to promise that you won’t turn me or the baby over to Snoke.  And you can’t lose your temper, Ben . . . promise me that . . . please . . . I’m taking an awful risk by doing this.  I want you to know the truth but I don’t want to regret it.  I won’t go back in a cell!” she wails over the comlink.

 

But Kylo isn’t processing her rush of nervous words.  He doesn’t hear them at all.  He stopped listening when his impossible dream came true.  “You’re alive,” he breathes out those amazing words.  “You’re alive alive?  Like breathing and normal alive?”  He wants to be sure.

 

“Yes.”

 

“You were alive all along . . . ”  Understanding begins to dawn.

 

“Yes, I’m alive.  I escaped.  Who told you I was dead?”

 

“Snoke did.”  His mother too. 

 

Kylo’s eyes flash pure yellow as he realizes he has been betrayed all along, just not in the manner he thought.  They had lied.  Rey isn’t dead.  But they had wanted him to believe that she was.


	46. Chapter 46

On and off for months now, Rey has stared out the windows of the garbage hauler at the _Finalizer_ slowly crawling around Coruscant’s orbit.   It had been easy to consider Ben gone forever from her life when he was just a faceless figure in black on the newsfeed.  But now that her job puts Rey in the vicinity of Coruscant at least once a week, things seem different somehow.  Ben feels close and yet far away.  Just seeing the _Finalizer_ is a teasing temptation to make contact that recurs again and again.   Rey never takes the bait even if she fantasizes about their reunion nightly. 

 

It’s too great a risk, she decides.  You can’t just dial up the _Finalizer_ bridge and ask for Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.  Even if Rey did somehow manage to get Ben’s personal attention, it would require far too many go-betweens up the chain of command in the process.  No doubt it would be unusual enough to attract attention.  In the end, Rey feels certain that Snoke’s loyalists would rat her out.   And then, there would be Hell to pay for her and Ben both.  She didn’t survive on Jakku by taking stupid risks.  Rey is not about to start now.  But she thinks about it all the time. 

 

One day when the garbage hauler is in the Coruscant system but not near the planet itself, Rey sees a squadron of fancy TIE Silencers out for practice.  They are dogfighting like she remembers doing once with Ben.  Rey watches a while and wonders about the pilots.  Ben had once flown a TIE Silencer.  It was a prototype ship a year ago, but it must be in mass production now because everyone in this squadron has one.  But still . . . look at the moves of that lead ship.   That guy is good.  Really good.  Could that be Ben?  Rey could certainly hail that ship and take a chance to ask.  The pilot is alone so there wouldn’t be witnesses.  But what if she is wrong?  Would even the contact be enough to raise suspicion?   Rey debates what to do.  She is still undecided when the TIE squadron leaves and the chance is gone.  Truthfully, she’s a little relieved that the decision is made for her in the end.

 

But the question remains:  what if this same chance happens again?  What should she do then?

 

What is the purpose of seeing Ben to say goodbye properly after all this time?   Shouldn’t she leave well enough alone?   Well, yes.  That seems prudent, Rey decides.  But this isn’t about her, she tells herself, it’s about Anakin.  The purpose of contacting Ben is to let him know that he has a son.  So that someday in the future, he won’t be Vader accidentally crossing paths with his anonymous children again and again with disastrous results.  The Force does stuff like that, Rey knows.   It did it with her and it might do it with Anakin too.  It would be good for Ben to at least know of his child in advance, especially since Snoke might continue to claim Anakin for his own.  For who knows if her boy will so closely resemble his father years from now to make his parentage so obvious?   Knowledge of their relationship could protect them both, Rey decides.  And it might prevent yet another generation of patricide.  So, after much thought, Rey resolves that if ever again she has the opportunity to potentially contact Ben on his own, she will.   

 

Three weeks later, on a random Tuesday night when Rey is working the late-night shift alone, she gets her chance.  With a deep breath and a silent prayer to the Force, Rey sends a hail to the ace TIE pilot she has just watched perform Poe Dameron’s classic move twice.  That has to be Ben. 

 

Her hunch is right. 

 

They have a brief and confusing com exchange.  Rey’s hands are trembling as she shuts down the garbage hauler’s tractor beam so Ben can land in the cargo hold.  She glances over at baby Ani sleeping peacefully snug in his makeshift crib.  Rey decides not to wake him to take him with her to meet Ben.  For who knows how this reunion will go.  Ben is not the most predictable guy and he sounded very rattled on the com.  So Rey checks the surveillance camera she has rigged up as a baby monitor and takes with her the little handheld receiver remote.  She’ll know if Ani wakes up.  

 

Staring down at her infant son, Rey hopes she hasn’t made a big mistake.  Has she just ruined everything for them?   Or is this the best decision she has ever made?  She’s about to find out.

 

Rey takes off across the gigantic garbage hauler at a sprint.  It’s a long way from the cockpit control room to the massive cargo hold.  When she gets there, the TIE has already landed on the far side.  Ben is jumping out and looking around for her.  Rey slows her speed to a fast walk as she catches her breath and gathers her courage.  She and Ben haven’t seen one another in person for about a year.  A lot has happened since then.  This is not going to be an easy conversation, she knows.  This definitely won’t be like her daydream fantasies of their reunion. 

 

Rey comes to a halt five meters from Ben.  She stares.

 

He stares back.

 

Rey is panting with exertion, excitement, and a little fear as she looks him over.  Ben is wearing his usual Vader robes without the gloves and the mask.  Nothing looks different except for one very startling thing. 

 

“Your eyes . . . ” Rey looks up at him with deep concern.  She knows what those yellow eyes mean.  “Oh, Ben . . .”  She’s momentarily at a loss for words.  Transfixed by his bloodshot, deeply shadowed yellow eyes that are surrounded by faint lines she doesn’t remember being there.  As hard as the past months have been for her, Rey sees that they have been very hard for Ben too.

 

For his part, Ben looks like he is seeing a ghost.  His expression is horrified, almost revulsed.  He shifts his weight and runs a hand through his hair as he closes his eyes.  He looks almost pained.  Is he concentrating?   He looks like he is concentrating very hard in the Force.  He shakes his head and groans, “Something is wrong.  Oh, Rey, you’re all wrong.” 

 

What?  Now, suddenly she’s the self-conscious one.  Does she look that changed?  Rey raises a hand to smooth her ponytail.  She’s uncomfortably aware of her baggy men’s work shirt and pants emblazoned with the company logo and ‘Safety First.’   Rey is very tired these days from the baby and she’s also quite pale from the absence of sunlight.  Does it show?  Does she look bad to him?

 

Ben isn’t even looking at her.  But he’s becoming more and more visibly upset with each passing moment.  His shoulders are heaving and his fists are clenched as he rasps, “You’re . . . you’re d-dead to me . . . I can’t sense you alive at all . . . ”

 

What?  She’s not dead.  She’s very much alive.  “I’m fine,” Rey assures him.   “I’m just fine.  You’re not fine though.  Ben, your eyes . . . “  Rey stares back at his creepy eyes.  “What has Snoke done to you?” she demands.  Or has Ben done this to himself?

 

He isn’t listening. “Oh, Gods, you really are dead!  You’re a ghost and you don’t . . . you don’t even know it,” he sputters at her. “Fuck!” he pumps his fists and screws up his face.  “I was sure you were alive,” he wails.  “But they told me you were dead and it’s true.”

 

“What?”  He’s not making sense. 

 

“I’ve killed a lot of people.  I know what dead people feel like in the Force.   And you’re dead, Rey!” he shouts.  “No!  NO!” Kylo bellows as his arms reflexively shoot outward and his fingers splay.  Here it comes, she knows.  A split second later, blue Force lightning shoots from his fingertips.  It is the ultimate expression of Dark rage.   The lightning crackles and spews for long seconds until it finishes bouncing and diffuses across the cavernous cargo hold.    In the aftermath, Ben stands there like some angry young god of Darkness.   His feral eyes are wild.  He looks capable of anything right now.

 

Rey doesn’t cower.  She holds her ground for she has seen this before.  The lightning doesn’t scare her, but the yellow eyes sure do.  Rey is very afraid.  But she’s not afraid of Ben, she’s afraid for him.  For what he has become.   Of all the ways she had anticipated their reunion might unfold, this was never it.  

 

“Oh, Ben . . . “  Rey stares at the suffering man consumed by Darkness who stands before her, melting down fast.  It stirs her compassion. Rey might not have the Force any longer, but she will always be the Light.  Something in her essence will always seek to help, to heal, and to soothe.  Mercy dwells within her still.  It’s why she took in a lost droid in the desert and it’s why she kept the baby she didn’t really want.  And it’s why she understood and fell in love with the man beneath the mask of Kylo Ren.   Seeing Ben hurting now hurts her too.

 

Rey quickly closes the distance between them.  She throws her arms around Ben.  For if there ever was a man who needed a hug, this is he.  “It’s alright.  I’m fine.  I’m alive,” she soothes.  It’s awkwardly a little like she comforts Ani when he’s upset.  “I’m fine.  See?  This is me.  This isn’t the bond.  This is real life.  I’m not dead.  I’m alive and well.”

 

“N-No, you’re wrong.”  He thrusts her back from him at arm’s length now.  Ben searches her eyes.  His are brimming with emotion and threatening to overspill.  “You’re dead in the Force, Rey.  I can’t feel you in the Force and the Force never lies.” He is solemn as he says this.   Ben is a Dark prince of the Skywalker clan and he always trusts in the Force.

 

“I’m fine,” Rey is firm.  Finally, she understands his concern.  “I am perfectly fine.  But I am cut off from the Force,” she explains.

 

Ben blinks at her.  He’s not comprehending.  “What does that mean?” he asks with alarm.

 

“I no longer have the Force.  I have cut myself off.  It’s why you can’t sense me in the Force.”

 

“Can you do that?  Why would you do that?”  Ben is aghast.  “You cut yourself off from the Force?  Why?”  His tone is one part incredulous and one part repulsed.

 

Rey squirms a bit under his censure.  Ben is looking at her like she has just announced her intent to arbitrarily cut off her arm.  And, of course, he feels this way.  He’s a Chosen One born to the first family of the Force and reared in its lore from a tender age.  Not Rey of Jakku who was awakened to the Force unexpectedly and never formally trained.  She’s mostly pragmatic about these sorts of things, and she views the Force less like a religion and more like a special talent.  So when it comes to a choice between survival and the Force, Rey will always choose to live.  Plus, she has Ani to protect and care for now.  So despite Ben’s reaction, Rey is matter of fact as she maintains, “It is the only way to hide from Snoke.   This way he can’t find us in the Force.”

 

Ben’s shock continues.  It’s almost like a delayed reaction.  “The old Jedi Order used to sever a person’s Force as punishment.  It was the most severe sanction they could give.  It was only given as a last resort when they thought a Force user was beyond all hope.”  Ben blinks at her in disbelief as he reveals, “Rey, they didn’t even do it to Count Dooku and his followers when they left.   I can’t . . . I can’t believe you did that.”  Ben’s squeamish, uncomfortable face says it all.  “What does that feel like?” he wants to know.

 

Rey shrugs.  “It’s different.  But you get used to it.  I don’t think it’s permanent, but I’m not sure. I don’t think so since Luke was able to use the Force again at Crait.”

 

That gets Ben’s attention.  “Luke taught you this?”

 

“Yes.  In a way, he did.  Luke cut himself off from the Force at Ahch-To and it gave me the idea.  If he could hide from you and Snoke for years, then I thought I could use his same trick too.”

 

“This is why the bond didn’t open even though you were alive,” Kylo reasons aloud.

 

“Yes.” Rey tries to explain further.  Ben needs to understand why she took this drastic step.  “I won’t be Snoke’s prisoner.  I refuse to go back in a cell.”  This was a serious decision she did not take lightly.  It is the best option she has to protect herself and their son. 

 

“So, Luke did this . . . “  Ben’s mind is clearly churning.  “My uncle was always looking for alternatives to fighting.  After the Rebellion, he never wanted to fight.  I always thought Luke didn’t care enough to confront Snoke over me after what happened at the Temple.  But maybe Luke hid because he knew he couldn’t win against Snoke.”

 

Rey nods.  She has thought the very same thing.  “Cutting himself off from the Force kept Luke alive and it kept the Jedi tradition going.”

 

“Luke keeps telling me there are alternatives to fighting.  He’s been trying to tell me to hide all along,” Ben suddenly comprehends.  Then, his long face hardens into a grimace.  “Why couldn’t he just come out and say it!  He was always too cryptic with his Jedi bullshit.  Skywalker is a lousy teacher--”

 

“Wait--you talk to Luke in the Force?”

 

“He’s appeared to me a few times.  Mostly he lectures me on the Dark Side and on revenge.  He doesn’t want me to try to kill Snoke.”  Kylo looks uncomfortable now as he reveals, “He says he wants to teach me how to be a Force ghost for when I’m dead.  He says he’s seen options for my future and he’s seen me dead.”

 

Rey puts those two thoughts together.  “He wants you to learn to be a ghost because he knows you won’t succeed in killing Snoke.  It’s why he doesn’t want you to fight—because he knows you will die.  Luke wants you to hide like he did instead.” 

 

“Last time I saw him, Luke said that he only ever wanted to help me,” Ben recalls.  Then Ben adds bitterly, “He conveniently forgets that night he tried to murder me in my sleep.”

 

“Listen to Luke this time,” Rey urges.  “Ben—"

 

“I don’t know who to listen to any longer!” he interrupts, lashing out.  “I don’t know the truth from a lie!  I’m not sure what to believe.”  Ben’s face is wan and despondent.  He looks so lost and betrayed as he confesses, “I guess I should have expected Snoke would lie about your death.  So much of my life has been lies, why should this be any different?” 

 

Seeing his frustration, all Rey can think is that this isn’t how their reunion is supposed to go.  Yes, this is a hard situation, but some part of it is supposed to be romantic and joyful.  Except it’s not.  As usual, they are talking about his family and the Force, the two topics that dominate their lives.  Rey is so, so tired of that.   In some ways, it was a relief to have left the Force behind.  It’s too bad she can’t leave all the other Skywalkers behind too.

 

“I’m sorry, Ben.  Your family treats you horribly.”  More and more, Rey sees that the monster Kylo Ren was not born like his parents and Luke had feared.  He was made.  By them, by Snoke, and by himself.    Everyone is to blame. 

 

 “Tell me what happened when you escaped,” Ben commands.  “Did Snoke know for certain that you lived?” 

 

“I assume so.”  Rey now tells the tale of her headlong dash through the shield gate to flee Naboo.  Ben listens closely.  He asks a few questions that focus on what Snoke knew and his mother’s role.   Then, he stalks away to pace out his frustrations a bit.  Ben looks livid and very tense.  Suddenly, he looks like he might shoot lightning again. 

 

“He knew you escaped!” Ben hisses as he clenches and unclenches his fists.  “He lied to me!  He wanted me to suffer so I could use it to increase my power!” 

 

“This is why you have yellow eyes,” Rey belatedly realizes.  “Because you thought I died.”

 

“Yes!  I mourned you, Rey.  You have no idea how much I grieved you.  And it was all a fucking lie!”  Here comes the Force lightning again to streak across the room, venting Ben’s uncontrollable rage.  He needs this, Rey sees, for his unhappiness is intense and cannot be contained.  The connection between his anger and the Force is amazing to behold.  Ben’s emotions literally explode into power.   It is an intimidating sight.

 

“I am so tired of being manipulated with lies,” Ben complains bitterly when his anger is spent some more in the Force.  “Everyone lies to me!  My parents, my uncle, my Master.  They all had an agenda for me.  I am just a tool for them to use when all the while they told me I was an instrument for the Force.  I’m their pawn, Rey!”

 

It’s true.  Once, Ben Solo was supposed to be the future of the New Jedi Order and the hero mascot for the New Republic.  Then, Kylo Ren was supposed to be the First Order’s warrior conqueror and Snoke’s new Darth Vader.  For years, both sides of Ben’s wretched family took turns grooming him to fulfill their own dreams.  Never his.  What Ben Solo wants out of life never seems to matter much. 

 

Rey doesn’t know what to say except, “I’m sorry—”

 

“I am going to kill him!  Snoke is a dead man for this!” Ben vows.

 

And, if only that were true, Rey thinks.  But she remembers that awful confrontation in the garden on Snoke’s lake country estate.  “You can’t kill him.  You already tried—"

 

Ben shoots her an indignant look.  “You underestimate my power!” he snaps.  In the moment, he is every inch the haughty Skywalker prince.   “When I tried on Naboo, it was before I had yellow eyes.  My powers have doubled since then.  You’ll see.”

 

Rey ignores this bluster and gives him some straight talk from Jakku.  “Don’t pick a battle you can’t win.  Walk away--”

 

“I’m a Skywalker!  We are raised to fight for our ideals and ambitions.  We don’t walk away!  Even my uncle came back in the end.”  Kylo takes a deep breath and fully commits, “I can win.  I know I can win.  I will destroy him for what he has done to us.  Then, we will get you back your Force.”   Ben looks her in the eye now as he promises, “Rey, once Snoke is dead, we will do everything we ever planned to do.  We will rule the galaxy and balance the Force.  We will make things the way we want them to be.  Once I destroy him, nothing will stand in our way.”

 

Something in the way Ben says this with his upraised clenched fist and gleaming yellow eyes has Rey backing away.  For his Dark zeal has her fearful.  But yet again, Rey is not afraid for herself but for Ben.  This snarling neo-Sith is the furthest thing from the man who had dreamed of balancing the Force.  Where is the man who had urged her to leave the past behind and start something new?  Where is the man who repeatedly denied being a Sith and warned about the all-consuming nature of the old school version of the Dark Side?  The angry Apprentice looming over her promising to kill his Master now seems a throwback to the old days and the old ways that had led them to this point in the first place.

 

It’s demoralizing.  Suddenly, Rey feels like they are back in Snoke’s throne room and Ben is holding out his hand again.  Rey shakes her head.  “Don’t do this . . . Ben . . . don’t do this.  You can’t win.”

 

“Rey, I can destroy Snoke!   He has foreseen this, I’m sure of it.  It’s why he split us up.  Even Luke says I will be the most powerful Skywalker ever—”

 

“It looks more like you’re destroying yourself instead,” Rey laments.  “Ben, you look terrible.  You need to seek the Light to get rid of those Sith eyes.”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  For she has clearly touched a nerve.  “Don’t nag me, Rey!  These eyes bear witness to my power.”  He jabs a long finger to gesture to his face.  “This is my raw power come to fruition at last.”

 

Oh, Gods, listen to him.  He sounds completely Sith.  “But at what cost?” Rey implores him.  “Ben, this isn’t you!”

 

“It is a necessary cost.” Ben says this in the quelling tone Kylo Ren uses with subordinates.  “You did what you had to do when you cut yourself off from the Force.  I am doing what I have to do now to gain the power I need to kill Snoke.  This is the only way we will be free and you can get your Force back.”

 

“No, it’s not,” Rey argues.  “Ben, I don’t want this for you!  This is not how I want you to win.”  And she’s not even sure he can win in the end.  At most, he will get a pyrrhic victory.   “Listen to Luke,” she urges.  “Hide, don’t fight.  You will never win by killing what you hate.  That will only prove Snoke right and you will become him in the end.  Twisted and evil and too Dark to ever balance the Force.”

 

“It’s temporary,” Ben is defensive. 

 

Rey doesn’t back down.  “Hide, don’t fight!  It will save you like it saved Luke.  Ben, I love you and I don’t want you to do this—"

 

“Love can’t help me kill Snoke.  Only my new powers can do that.”  Ben shakes his head and looks rueful now.  “All these months I have been growing in power even as you lost your Force.  Gods, Rey, I never wanted you to have to do that.  I promise you that we will get it back.” 

 

“It’s not worth you dying over.”  Rey is adamant about this.  “Ben, I would rather live forever without the Force than have you dead to Snoke.”  Maybe it’s because she has had months to come to grips with the situation, but Rey thinks her losing the Force means far more to Ben than it does to her.  The birth of  little Anakin has changed Rey’s perspective on many things, especially this.   Losing the Force seems a fair trade for keeping her baby safely hidden.

 

Ben looks down at Rey and it’s as if he suddenly realizes the important part of what they are discussing.  “At least you’re alive.  I can’t believe you were alive all this time.  Rey, you are the only person who has never let me down.  Thank you,” he tells her shakily.  This man is very on edge.  “Thank you for being you.” 

 

This time, Ben is the one to step forward and tug her into his arms.  And, oh, this is what she has been waiting for.  It feels so good to be nestled up against his chest.  How Rey has missed this.  Strong arms around her, holding her close, comforting her.  Ben hugs tightly and she hugs back.   For a long moment, it’s just her and Ben anchoring the universe, nothing more.   And it’s perfect.

 

Except it’s missing one little person fast asleep in the control room in his crib.  “There’s more I need to tell you,” Rey begins, speaking into Ben’s chest.  She’s not sure how to broach the topic of Anakin.  It’s almost like Ben has forgotten she was even pregnant in the first place.

 

Ben, of course, is still thinking about the Force.  “I never loved you for your Force.  You know that, right?”

 

No, not really, Rey thinks.  “The Force was the reason you noticed me in the first place.”  He always said the Force was what brought them together.  It’s hard to deny the importance of the Force in their love affair.  For she saw this man in a vision long before she met him in the flesh.  She and Ben were Light and Dark who pulled together as strongly as they sometimes pushed apart.  Evenly matched equals who might have balanced one another if she still had her Force.   

 

“Maybe at first the Force mattered,” Ben concedes.  “But it wasn’t why I loved you.  I loved you for yourself.  I still love you.”  Ben looks almost afraid to ask, “Can you love me with yellow eyes?  Tell me the truth.  Because the last time you saw me very Dark you ran away.”

 

It’s true.  Rey had watched the full fury of the Dark Side as Ben hacked through a roomful of people while the peace deal was announced.  And that was before he had yellow eyes.  Who knows what Ben is capable of now?  But looking up into his troubled and uncertain face, Rey cannot deny that she loves this man still.  Maybe she loves him even more for the twisted devotion that is sending him deeper into the Dark Side for her.  Rey sees all the suffering reflected in those yellow eyes and she cannot muster condemnation.  All she feels is compassion for this lost soul who keeps struggling against his family.  

 

“I never stopped loving you,” Rey confesses softly.  “I will always love you.”  She means it too.  Dark or Light, yellow eyes or brown, she will love this man and believe in him still.  And maybe had someone in Ben’s life long before her loved him unconditionally, Ben might not be who he is today.  For the times the troubled young Jedi student needed the most support and encouragement, all he received was instruction and correction.  Love for Ben Solo had always come with conditions and standards to be met.

 

Standing in his arms, Rey can feel Ben physical relax at her words.  And now, he is back to being his usual confident self, talking in bold statements about the will of the Force.  For oh, how this man loves his Force.  “We are destiny, don’t you see?  Snoke can’t keep us apart.  No one can keep us apart.” 

 

Rey sees fast that Ben is heading exactly where she doesn’t want things to go.   She pulls back from his embrace.  “Ben,” she says with firm resolve.  “It’s not just about us anymore.  I didn’t contact your ship to come back with you to the _Finalizer_.  I did it so you could meet your son.”

 

“My son?” Ben echoes and blinks.  He is processing this news real time.  “Yeah, since you’re not dead you must have had the baby,” he surmises aloud.  “I was so shocked you were alive I forgot about that.”

 

“Yes, I had the baby.  He is your son, Ben.  I’m sure of it.”

 

“Snoke lied about that too,” he scowls. 

 

This is a lot for Ben to take in at once, Rey realizes. Plus, he’s so overwrought that he has shot lightning twice.   Still, she’s trying hard not to be annoyed about how her beloved son whose care consumes her life appears to be a complete afterthought to Ben.   As usual with this surprisingly sensitive, but very emotive man, what matters most is always how he himself feels.

 

Ben summarizes things succinctly now: “You are alive.  You have no Force.  And you’re saying we have a son.”

 

Rey nods.  “Yes.  Come.  I want you to meet him.”


	47. Chapter 47

Rey is alive.  She is truly alive.  Kylo only begins fully processing this startling news as he walks with her to the trash ship’s control room. 

 

Rey talks the whole way.  She is animated and brimming with information about their son.  How he was born a few days early but was perfectly healthy despite her month on Jakku.  How he learned to roll over before most kids do.  How he likes to suck his thumb and might be getting his first tooth.  Kylo listens blankly to her talk of motherhood.  His attention is all for Rey.  It is like a dream come true to find her alive and well.  Except for losing the Force, that is.

 

Rey is downplaying how hard this has been, Kylo can tell.  Rey keeps glossing over her struggles even if her smile is real.  She is completely smitten by the baby.  Some small part of Kylo feels a bit jealous at this.  After all, Rey gave up the Force for this kid.  There’s nothing she won’t do for him.  But that devotion probably makes her an excellent mother, Kylo thinks.  He might be a bit jealous about that part too.

 

They arrive at the ship’s control room to find the baby sleeping in some secondhand, flimsy looking playpen that is pink.  His son is lying on his back half covered by a blanket that has some other kid’s initials embroidered on it along with a birthdate from five years ago.  The baby wears a very faded looking shirt that rather ironically says ‘Grandpa loves me’ across the front.  Taking it all in, Kylo can’t help but think that it all looks so depressingly used.  But it must be the best Rey can do.  Kylo won’t fault her for that, but it is very meager for the son of the Supreme Leader of the First Order.   This is the next Skywalker prince, after all.

 

And is he supposed to feel some connection?  Because Kylo doesn’t feel anything.  Looking down at the sleeping child, Kylo thinks that this could be a stranger’s kid.  That’s how distant it feels.

 

“It’s probably best not to wake him,” Rey suggests.  “But if you want to hold him, I can wake him up.  It’s up to you.”

 

“He doesn't have the Force,” Kylo realizes immediately.  He looks to Rey with true alarm.  “Did you strip his Force too?”  And wait, that came out like an accusation.

 

“No,” Rey hastens to assure him.  “When I was pregnant, Snoke said Ani would take after me.  That he would have an awakening in the Force someday like I did.”

 

That’s a relief.  “What’s his name?” Rey has been calling him Annie, which sounds like a girl’s name to Kylo’s ears.  He’s hoping it’s a nickname his kid will drop as he grows.

 

It is.  “Anakin,” Rey answers.  “I named him Anakin.  For your grandfather.”

 

Kylo nods his approval.  “Good choice.”  

 

Rey is watching him closely.   She looks nervous and uncertain when Kylo glances to her and their eyes meet.   “He’s your son.  I’m sure of it. He looks just like you.”

 

“That’s what I look like?”  Kylo stares down at the thatch of baby fine dark brown hair that covers his kid’s head except for where his prominent ears stick out.  Anakin’s small, pale face is relaxed in sleep.  It looks sort of long in shape but Kylo isn’t really sure.  All in all, this isn’t the cutest kid Kylo has ever seen.  But that probably is fitting since Kylo is no looker himself.

 

“His eyes look like your eyes.  Your old eyes, I mean,” Rey amends.  “He’s your son. I know he is,” she maintains.   “He is a child of love, not a child of the Force.”

 

Kylo nods.   Does Rey think he will deny his own flesh and blood?   He won’t.  Rey is looking at him expectantly now.  Is she wanting him to do something?   Or is it something he should say?   He knows nothing about children, especially babies.  Kylo searches for something, for anything to say.   “He’s . . . he’s . . . small,” Kylo finishes lamely.  He’s not sure what else to say.  He had never imagined what their kid would look like or be like.  He had never been certain whether Rey’s baby was actually his.  Then, the issue became moot when she was dead.

 

Kylo reads disappointment in Rey’s face.  It’s clear she is very proud of her son and deflated by his underwhelming reaction.  “Of course, he’s small.  He’s just a baby,” she grumbles.  “He’ll grow.”

 

“Yeah.”   And actually, that is what Kylo is afraid of.   Maybe Kylo should be overjoyed to meet his son, but he’s not.  He is troubled. Very troubled, as the enormity of the situation sinks in.  Kylo is thinking less about the small baby he looks down upon and more about what this child represents.  All Kylo can think is that this is history repeating itself.  For yet another Skywalker child will grow up separated from his father immersed in a web of well-intentioned lies.  Until one day when their paths will cross accidentally on purpose thanks to the Force.  And then it will be Kylo’s turn to say the words ‘I am your father’ to an unsuspecting son.  This is the setup for distrust, conflict, and abandonment that ripens into patricide.  This is the legacy Kylo knows to avoid.  But he feels powerless to prevent it this time around. 

 

That angers him.  For he is a man who longs to leave the past behind.  But this innocent little baby has things coming full circle again.  It makes Kylo feel trapped.  Like everything he wants is futile.  Like he and his secret son are both damned.  Looking down at this surprise child, Kylo thinks he feels something after all.  He feels protective of this baby boy who is just waiting to be pounced upon by the alpha predator of the Force, Snoke.  To be lied to and manipulated, to be trained and groomed, to be a pawn for power like his father before him.

 

Kylo looks over to Rey who has been swept up into the mess of his family.  “I’m sorry you had to do this all on your own.   This is a lot to handle,” he says with true regret.

 

She brushes off his concern.  “Ani’s an easy baby.   It’s been okay.”  Rey smiles as she speaks of their son but her tired face betrays just how much strain lies behind her words.  “We don’t have a fancy life, but we’re fine.”

 

Kylo gazes down at the sleeping child.  “I wish I had known.  I would have helped you.  I would have come for you,” he says bitterly.  He feels terribly guilty for Rey being essentially abandoned pregnant and alone.  He feels like he let her down.  His girl ended up back on Jakku again . . . pregnant, alone, and destitute on fucking Jakku.  That awful vision had actually come true.

 

“Ben, you thought we were dead,” she reminds him.  “We’re fine now,” Rey tries to assure him.  “Things are better now.”

 

That comment does nothing to make him feel better.  Because if this is when things are better, Kylo would hate to see what it was like when things were worse.  “You’re coming with me now.  Both of you,” he decides.  Because the Skywalker dysfunction ends here and now.  There will be no more broken families and secret children hidden away.  “Take only what you need and we’ll head back to the ship.”

 

Rey’s face darkens.  Her tone is firm. “No.”

 

“Yes,” he counters equally firm.  “I don’t want either of you living like this.”   He doesn’t want Rey working the late shift on a trash ship so she can struggle to buy their son secondhand things. 

 

Rey is defensive.  She thinks he is being critical and he reads hurt in her eyes.  “Ani and I are doing just fine on our own,” she bristles.   “You don’t need to swoop in and rescue us.  That isn’t why I contacted your ship.”

 

“I know.  But I want better for you both.  We’ll get you an apartment on any world you choose. I’ll set up accounts so you will have all the funds you need.  We’ll get you some help.”   Kylo looks to Rey as he reminds her, “Anakin is my responsibility too.”

 

“No!”  Rey is getting angry and she looks threatened now. 

 

Kylo tries to reason with her.  “This job isn’t a solution long term.  Anakin will need to go to school in a few years.  You can’t be in space for a month at a time.“

 

“That’s a long way off.”

 

“I will make sure you and the baby have everything you need,” Kylo promises.   He means it.  “I will be discreet when I come visit.  I’ll ditch the uniform and no one will guess it’s me.”

 

“No!  Those credits will all ultimately be traceable back to you.  And there’s no way the Supreme Leader can disappear for days at a time without attracting notice.  Snoke will find us, Ben!   He knows I am alive so he knows to look for me.”  Rey’s voice is rising in pitch and volume.  She’s getting upset.

 

Kylo digs in his heels.  “He needs me. Boys need their fathers.”

 

“I know.”  Rey looks away and bites her lip.  Kylo knows he doesn’t have to lecture her on the importance of family.  Rey knows better than anyone since she spent years hoping to be reunited with her own parents.    “I wish there were another way, but I refuse to hand my boy over to Snoke.  And I will not rot in a jail cell to be leverage over you.    This is the only way Ani and I can have a normal life.  Don’t you see?”  Rey looks miserable as she continues.  “This way Ani will grow up without all the pressure you had.  He will get to make his own choices in life . . . I hope.”

 

Kylo doesn’t share her optimism.  “What happens when his Force awakens?”  Snoke will know it when this child’s Force awakens.  He’s a Skywalker.  His awakening will be like an earthquake to the mind, like his mother’s had been.

 

Rey looks away.  “I don’t know.   But until then, we will be happy together.  Safe and anonymous.”

 

“And what about me?” Kylo demands.  He wants in on all this happiness.  “He’s my son too.”

 

“Not really.  Not under the circumstances.”  Rey looks him in the eye with much regret.  “You can’t be a father to him.  You can’t even be a provider for him.  It’s too risky, Ben.”

 

What??  “Just what are you saying?” When she frowns and hesitates, Kylo snaps, “Spit it out!  Say it!”  He already knows where this is leading.

 

And, yes, it’s as he fears.  For Rey explains, “I’m saying that this is a clean break.  I wanted you to know that Ani exists for when the future comes.   But Ani and I are going to make it on our own.”

 

“You don’t have to do that—“

 

“I do!  I won’t take the risk of Snoke finding us. I’d rather we live like this than take the risk of discovery.  Look, I’m getting much better at managing credits.  I’m hoping to pay off my debts soon—“

 

“I’ll pay them off,” he offers instantly.

 

“You’re not listening to me!” she complains.  And it’s almost like he’s annoying her by wanting to help.  It makes him confused.

 

“Rey, I want to be a part of his life.”

 

“I know you do.  But I can’t take the risk of being found out.”  Rey is very direct as she tells him, “It’s not about what you want.  It’s about what’s best for our son.”

 

That lecture doesn’t sit well because when has anything ever been about what he wants?  Kylo Ren is the biggest pawn in the universe.  But Kylo swallows his retort and digests what she’s saying a long moment.  “So this is goodbye, is that it?”  He shoots her a sideways, resentful look. 

 

Rey shifts her weight and looks away.  “Ben—“

 

Now the best day of his life is quickly becoming the worst day of his life.  Kylo can feel his anxiety rising fast.  “I find out that you’re alive and that I have a son and you expect me to just walk away?  I find you only to lose you again the very same day??”

 

Rey looks uncomfortable.  But she sticks to her position as she nods, “Yes.”

 

“So it’s like you are dead after all, is that it?”  Fuck!  This actually might be worse than thinking she’s dead.

 

But Rey nods again.  “I guess, in a way.”

 

“No deal!” he explodes. “I am not Han Solo!  I am not walking away—“

 

“You have to!” Rey cries.  “One day, when Anakin is old enough, I will explain why to him.”   Rey has tears in her eyes now.  “Ben, if you truly love me—if you want what’s best for our son, then you will let us go.”

 

“A clean break,” he repeats her earlier words.   “You really want me gone forever from your life?”

 

She nods.  “Yes.  I wish things were different, but they’re not.  As long as you are the Apprentice and the Supreme Leader, we can’t be together.  You know that, Ben.”

 

“But I need you—”  He desperately needs this woman’s love.  Has she no appreciation for how he has suffered in all of this?

 

“I know.  I can see that,” Rey concedes.  She’s looking deeply into his yellow eyes as she confesses miserably, “I need you too.  Gods, Ben, how I have missed you.”  She’s full on crying now.  And now this whole awful situation is breaking his heart.  It’s clear that Rey doesn’t want this any more than he does, but she feels forced to do it.

 

“No!  This is not the solution!” he bellows.  “I hate this!” His sword flies into his hand and lights almost reflexively.  Because these days his anger always instantly translates into violence.  He glances around looking for something to vent his anger on.  But if he destroys the ship’s control room, that will only mean more work for Rey.  So he stays his swing and forces down his rage. 

 

He needs this anger, he needs this hate.  For it will fuel his power so he can kill Snoke.  The only solution here is to kill Snoke.  The stakes have gotten higher, but the goal is the same it has been all along.  Kylo Ren needs to kill his Master and then everything will be alright. 

 

“I will kill him!” he vows as he stares into his beloved’s tearstained face.

 

“No,” Rey shakes her head.  “You’re only going to get yourself killed.   Remember—Luke foresaw you dead—“

 

“I’m not just going to accept this.  I can’t . . . I love you too much . . . ”  This moment feels a bit like Rey is dying to him a second time. 

 

“I don’t like this either,” Rey tells him as she steps closer to put a steadying hand on his left arm.   She glances warily over at his right hand that holds his sword down and to the side.  “Turn off the sword,” she urges in a low voice above the saber’s crackle and hiss.  “You’ll scare Ani if he wakes.”

 

Kylo reaches to pull Rey close.  Her very nearness feels good.  It calms him.  Rey is tucked up against his side with his arm around her.  They stand together a long moment together both looking down at the innocent baby who has precipitated so much crisis.  Young Anakin has no way of knowing all the lies and heartache that lay ahead. 

 

“Ben, turn it off,” Rey urges again as she looks up at him.  Her face is inches from his.  So it feels easy and natural to answer with a soft kiss.  And just for a brief, blissful moment, everything is the way it is supposed to be. 

 

“O-Oh . . .  Oh no . . . ”

 

Kylo looks up at the stunned and stammering newcomer as Rey jerks her head away.   Standing in the control room doorway is another employee in a uniform that matches Rey’s.  The man is agape as he stares at the sight of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren unmasked but wearing his distinctive uniform and holding his iconic crossguard sword lit.   There can be no mistaking who this man is kissing Rey next to the baby’s crib. 

 

“Uhmmmm.  S-Sorry.  I think.”  The man starts to flee but Kylo freezes him in the Force.  Then he turns off his sword.  Tempting as it is, he’s not going to kill this guy.  Rey wouldn’t like that.

 

“You’ll have to mind trick him,” she sighs as she steps away.  “You see?” Rey grumbles.  “Nowhere is safe for us.”  She turns back to him.  “If you love me, you will let me go and keep our secret.  I will tell Anakin the truth about us.  He will know who you are underneath the mask.  He will know that you wanted to be in his life.”  Ignoring her coworker frozen in the Force, Rey looks Kylo in the eye and promises, “I will not raise him to hate you like your uncle was raised to hate Vader.  He will not be a rival or an enemy to you.  He will know the best of you, Ben.”

 

Kylo is having none of it.  He sets her straight.  “This is not over!  You are mine and that kid is mine!  I will leave you tonight.  But once I kill Snoke, I am coming back for you both.  This is not over!  Do you understand me?”

 

“But—”

 

“Say you understand me!” Kylo overrides her.

 

“I understand,” Rey responds quietly.  But then she warns, “I am trusting you not to endanger us.  Ben, do not come back unless Snoke is dead.  You cannot be the Apprentice and be in our lives.”

 

“I know,” he says grimly.

 

“Find your uncle in the Force and learn his trick,” Rey urges.  “Someday, you could use it to talk to our son.  He will need your help and you will understand him since you’re a Chosen One too.  You can be his Vader,” she sadly suggests.  It’s depressingly clear Rey thinks he is pretty much dead.

 

“I’m not going to lose,” Kylo vows.  “The Force is with me in this.”  Then he steps forward to kiss Rey one more time.  This kiss is not a soft peck.  This time Kylo makes it count.  “I will come back for you.  I promise,” he says with more hope than true confidence. 


	48. Chapter 48

Feeling dejected, Kylo seats himself before his grandfather’s mask and summons the Force.  “Grandfather, show me again the power of the Darkness,” he quietly beseeches his long dead Sith forbearer.  This is a comforting routine by now, even if it rarely yields wisdom.  It calms him and tonight, Kylo needs calm.  It is very late, but he knows better than to attempt to sleep.  Kylo is far too rattled.

 

He floats in the Force long minutes, trying to sort through his emotions about tonight’s revelations.  About Rey alive and well but sacrificing the Force to hide with their secret son.  About little Anakin who had slept through his parents’ argument, blissfully unaware of the conflict that is his birthright.  About his Master who had lied to him about Rey’s death, manipulating him to mature his Dark power.  Had his mother been in on the lie too?  Kylo can’t be sure.  But if she was a co-conspirator, he knows it was to protect Rey in hiding.  For had Kylo known Rey was out there alive, he would have stopped at nothing to find her.  And had he found her, he might have led Snoke right to her. 

 

Snoke has to die.  That is the only way out of this problem.  And that’s nothing new, actually.  But now there is a special urgency to the situation that paralyzes Kylo.  He has spent months now debating how and when to strike against his Master.  But each plan he considers is discarded for failings.  Kylo knows what won’t work, but he doesn’t know what will work.   Truthfully, he is no closer to killing Snoke than he was months ago.  Kylo needs help from his Master killing Sith grandfather tonight.  But as usual, he comes up empty.  Vader himself never answers his call.

 

Should he try to conjure some other great Sith?  Kylo has never tried that before.  Maybe he needs Bane or Vitiate or Nihilus or another awesome Dark Master to teach him a devastating power that Snoke won’t be expecting.  Those Sith Empire Dark Lords were veritable beasts when it came to Force tricks to hear Snoke tell it.  Plus, they would understand revenge, right?   They lived for revenge.  But will they even answer him?   Kylo isn’t a proper Sith and he knows nothing of that ancient religion with all its superstitions and Kittat.  A true Sith would probably consider him a wannabe for his temptation to the Light, Kylo fears.  And then there is his fallen Jedi Padawan past . . .  That probably won’t help matters any.  But it’s worth a shot.

 

So Kylo tries again, summoning his anger and phrasing it as Sith-like as possible.  “Lords of Darkness,” he growls into the air, his fists clenched.   “I demand a Sith appear to teach me to slay my Master, steal his Empire, and reclaim my woman and our son.  Show me the power to make me an instrument of revenge.”

 

And . . . nothing.

 

Kylo is undeterred.  Through gritted teeth he snarls, “I am a son of Darkness and she is mine!  The galaxy is mine!  That boy is mine!  Help me take back what is mine!”

 

Of course, it doesn’t work.  No Dark Lord worth his red sword would stoop to helping a Chosen One who until recently lusted to balance the Force.  Any true Sith would see right through him.

 

Kylo sighs.  He’s fucked.  Rey is fucked.  His poor baby boy sleeping in a stinking garbage hauler in his sad pink crib is fucked.  Kylo has been alternating between anger and despair since he left Rey but now his anger flares and his yellow eyes flash.  “Where the FUCK is the Dark Side when you need it?” he rages into the air.  “When Snoke fries my ass after I fail to kill him, I am going to haunt all you Dark fuckers in Force Hell and you’re gonna wish you had helped me win so I would have lived.   Because I am going to shake shit up when I am one with the Dark Side of the Force and my annoying Sith-killer Jedi uncle will probably hang around too and you will not like him one bit!”

 

Kylo knows he is wasting his time raving like this.  His anger gives way to despair again and he covers his face with his hands.  He needs Rey.  She tempers the worst of his excesses.  She believes in him.  She loves him.  She comforts him.  She talks sense into him and stands up to him.  It actually might be worse now that Kylo knows Rey is alive.  Because at least when he thought she was dead, there was no hope of a happily-ever-after life together.  But now, she’s stuck working the late shift on a garbage ship struggling to provide for a kid she can’t afford on her own and shouldn’t have to.  He’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order who ostensibly rules the galaxy and he’s got a secret babymama he loves who he can’t be with or help.  What is the point of all this power if you can’t have the things you want?

 

Kylo feels a familiar ripple in the Force.  Is that Skywalker?  Because if that’s Luke Skywalker, his timing is horrible as usual.  “Go away!” Kylo gripes without looking up. “Go the fuck away, Jedi!”

 

“Kylo Ren.   Good to meet you.” 

 

That’s not his uncle come to haunt him. The voice is deep and a little hoarse sounding, but not loud.  And it’s nothing like his uncle’s voice.  Kylo drops his hands, stands, and whirls.  He blinks at the unfamiliar figure standing before him. 

 

This is no ordinary Force ghost.  For starters, he’s missing the sparkly blue angel aura of the Light Side.  This guy doesn't look sparkly at all.  However he is manifesting himself in the Force, it’s not by using his uncle’s Jedi trick.  Yellow eyes meet yellow eyes.  Yep, this is some old Sith come to haunt him.  Finally, the Dark Side has come through for him.  Kylo is vastly relieved.    

 

Feeling the need to bolster his shaky Dark Side cred, Kylo plants his feet and scowls for effect before he demands, “Who are you?”

 

The man doesn’t answer.  He just sizes Kylo up.  The ghost is very tall.  A few inches taller than himself, Kylo judges, but not as tall as Snoke.  He is cloaked in black with the hood thrown back to reveal piercing yellow eyes and a very scarred bald head obscured by a respirator mask from the nose down.  The slow mechanical wheeze of his artificially assisted breathing is a big clue. 

 

“Who are you?” Kylo demands again.  Could this be Malgus?  Malgus wore a respirator.  Malgus deposed the Sith Emperor.  If this is Malgus, he is definitely in luck.  But, whoever this Sith is, hopefully he’s here to impart some Dark Side knowledge Kylo can use to kill Snoke.   He needs some old school how-to-kill-your-Master Sith tricks.

 

“You know who I am,” the man answers evenly.  “Search your feelings, Kylo Ren.” 

 

Kylo makes a face at this Force maxim.  ‘Search your feelings’ is one of his least favorite phrases.  It’s up there with vague advice like ‘just breathe’ and ‘do or do not.’  More useless bullshit.  Kylo needs practical advice.  He needs someone to teach him a Force shockwave or something equally badass to confront Snoke.  ‘Search your feelings’ is not helpful.  This guy had better have more than this.

 

“Well?” his Force visitor prompts.  He almost looks amused.

 

Kylo looks again.  This guy is pale.  He makes Hux look tanned.  And he’s as ugly as Snoke but less disfigured.  But as a general rule, the Sith are not a pretty bunch.  Other than his face, all Kylo sees are the tips of two black boots and two mechanical prosthetic claw hands that are disconcertingly like his uncle’s.  They are revealed from the man’s stance with crossed arms.  Kylo’s eyes sweep the distinctive figure again and linger on the cape.  It has a satin finish to the hem that he recognizes.  Kylo knows a man who owned a closet full of satin hemmed black cloaks and capes.

 

“Grandfather?” he guesses tentatively. 

 

“Very good.”  The man nods. 

 

Kylo can’t help it.  He breaks into a rare grin.  Excellent.  This is excellent.  He knew the Force wouldn’t let him down when he needed help the most. 

 

“I hated that mask.”  Vader nods at the melted relic on the plinth behind Kylo. “I only wore it in public like you do yours.  I like yours.  It’s very Revan.  And that’s very you.”

 

“Thanks.”  He thinks.  Suddenly, Kylo feels very nervous.  This is Vader.  Darth Vader.  Wow . . . just wow . . .  Finally, after all this time the Force grants his longtime wish.  If this doesn’t mean the Force is with he and Rey, then what would? 

 

“Did Luke send you?” Kylo blurts out. 

 

“No, your grandmother put me up to this.  Padme is where your mother gets her determination from.  Her nagging too,” his grandfather adds.

 

Kylo nods.  He’s grinning again like a fool.  He can’t contain his elation at this long-awaited meeting.   For sure, Snoke is going down now.

 

“This will have to be short.  I’m breaking some rules here.  I was never good with rules,” Vader says with some pride.  There is the hint of a smile as his cheeks lift slightly behind the respirator mask.  But his face is so obscured that his expression is hard to read.  Mostly, Kylo sees his deeply shadowed eyes.  This man looks tired, very tired.

 

Should he kneel?  Kylo doesn’t know the proper protocol here.  He settles on addressing his fearsome Sith hero grandfather formally for his request.  “My lord, I need your help to kill my Master.”

 

The elder Sith shakes his head and shoots him down. “You cannot kill Darth Plagueis.  Good try, though.  Someone finally put my old sword to good use.”

 

That is not what Kylo is hoping to hear.  “But if I destroy his body—“

 

“He let you win last time.  He won’t do it again.  And he knows you’re coming for him so there is no element of surprise.  Kylo Ren, do not underestimate the power of Darth Plagueis the Wise,” Darth Vader warns.  “Don’t let him destroy you.  If you fight, you will not win.”

 

Kylo’s eyes narrow and now he cross examines his visitor’s motivations, “Is that your view because he’s your father in the Force?”

 

“No.”  Vader looks like he’s smirking behind the mask, but Kylo can’t be sure.  “You don’t get to pick your family.  You know that better than anyone.”

 

Miserable Kylo refuses to give up.  “I have to kill him.  I have to try.”

 

“No.  You don’t.”

 

That response has Kylo stumped.

 

“I had a Padawan years ago, did you know that?”  Lord Vader asks.

 

“No.”  Most of his grandfather’s life during his Jedi years is a mystery except for the official Clone Wars military history.

 

“Her name was Ahsoka Tano.  Snips was a Togruta youngling who was tough, courageous and ready to fight.   She was a lot like your Rey.  At the time, I didn’t want a Padawan Learner, but Master Yoda insisted.  He said the experience would teach me more than it would teach her.”  Again, Kylo sees that hint of a smirk behind the respirator mask.  “Yoda was a prick and he said stuff like that.  He usually said it backwards and people thought it was profound.  I figured he was just cutting me down to size.  But Master Yoda was right.  I learned more from Ahsoka than I thought I would.  And the most important lesson I only learned in hindsight.”

 

This is Jedi knowledge?   What Kylo really needs right now is a good Sith trick.  But he dutifully plays along.  “What was that?”

 

“To quit.”

 

“Quit what?”

 

“Ahsoka quit the Jedi Order.  She grew disenchanted and frustrated.  One day, she had enough and she walked away.  It’s why she lived through the Purge. I should have quit too.”

 

Kylo’s eyes narrow.  “You want me to quit?”

 

“I want you to think about.”

 

“You can’t quit the First Order.  You can’t quit being the Apprentice.”  You can’t quit and live, that is.

 

“Sure, you can.”

 

“Snoke would hunt me down,” Kylo protests.

 

“He would have to find you first,” Vader points out.

 

“So, you’re telling me to hide like Luke did.”  Kylo can’t hide his disappointment at this advice.  He would have expected better of Darth Vader.  This man was no coward and he didn’t walk away from a fight.

 

“I’m not telling you want to do,” his grandfather hedges.  “I’m telling you what I would do if I got the second chance you just got.  I would gladly have given away the Empire and the Force to get your grandmother and the children back.”  His visitor lets that confession sink in a moment before he says pointedly, “Being the Apprentice Supreme Leader isn’t making you happy.  Anyone can see that.”

 

This isn’t the message of bringing back the Empire and finishing what his grandfather started that Kylo is expecting to hear.  In fact, Kylo is more than taken aback, he’s sort of offended.   “It’s not just about me,” he bristles.  “There is a greater purpose here.”  A lot of people have fought and died on both sides for the First Order’s goals.

 

His grandfather shrugs.  “I suppose.  But let your mother do that.  Let your mother and Snoke rule the galaxy.  She’s far more like me than she will admit.  Your mother always chooses power over people, even if it’s couched as democracy.  Your girl isn’t like that.  I don’t think you’re like that either,” his grandfather observes softly and without judgement.

 

“I’m supposed to quit and go hide with Rey?”

 

“It’s what I would do. That great grandson of mine is really cute.  It would be nice to get to raise him yourself.”

 

Kylo scowls at this.  “Rey is being stubborn.  I wish she’d let me help her.  I’m sure we could sneak around without Snoke realizing it.”

 

“Maybe for a time,” Vader allows.  “But I’ve done the secret marriage thing.  Take it from me, I don’t recommend it.  Your other options are to keep trying to kill Plagueis until he finally kills you.  Or you can relive my life as the Imperial enforcer until my namesake appears twenty years from now and Plagueis attempts to trade in you for him as Apprentice.   Trust me, that won’t go well.  And old Plagueis is far too crafty to let you heave him into a reactor shaft.  My Master’s overconfidence was his weakness.  If Plagueis has a weakness, I haven’t seen it.  That asshole is good.  Really good.”

 

On that depressing note, Kylo can’t help but feel a little deflated.  This confounding interview isn’t going like he had hoped.  “You’re nothing like I expected,” he tells his revered grandfather.  And wait, that came out wrong.  A little resentful and a bit disappointed.

 

“Is that because I am telling you things you don’t like?” Vader challenges with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Maybe,” Kylo concedes.    “But you’re also just . . . different.”  Entirely too casual and colloquial, for starters.  Who knew Darth Vader swore?

 

“Do I fail to impress?   Kylo Ren, you know better than anyone that there is a man beneath the mask and he is not who others see.”  Vader sighs and gripes, “People mostly remember me choking people and killing Palpatine. And the mask.  People always remember the mask. No remembers that I was funny.  Not as funny as Kenobi, but I was funny all the same.”

 

Really?  And, wait--“Obi-Wan Kenobi was funny?”

 

“That guy was fucking hilarious for a Jedi.”  Vader considers a moment.  “Although,” he amends, “it was a rather low bar.”

 

“Do you guys get along now in the Force?” Kylo wonders aloud.  His curiosity is piqued.

 

“No.”  His grandfather is quick and firm with his response.  “I’m still pretty pissed about that lava thing.”

 

“I would be too.  I can’t believe I’m named after him,” Kylo adds loyally.

 

“We’re even. I killed him on the Death Star although he claims it was a suicide sacrifice so the kids could get away.  But really Master Obi-Wan was just too damn old and slow to run back to the ship.  He really let himself go on Tatooine.” 

 

Kylo blinks.  He isn’t sure what to make of this version of the tale.

 

And then, this conversation gets weirder.  “How’s my castle?  Did someone blow it up yet?”

 

“It’s still standing,” Kylo confirms.

 

“I miss that castle.   And I miss flying.  I understand you’ve become a pretty good pilot yourself these days.”

 

He feels himself flush.  “I fly a little,” he brushes off the compliment.

 

“Your old man could fly.  That was Captain Solo’s one redeeming quality.  Solo was far more reckless than I ever was even when I was young and stupid.  I can’t believe your mother married that smuggler scum,” Vader complains.  “I could have told her that Solo would leave her in the end.  He was a shifty, unreliable sort.”

 

Watching his grandfather now, Kylo is fixated on one thing: his yellow eyes.   Kylo sees that he had been right all along.  Vader might have died seeking the Light, but Vader was a Chosen One through and through.  Like each and every Skywalker born since, Vader was capable of anything.  That’s why his uncle could sway his father on the Death Star and yet contemplate murdering his nephew in his sleep.  And why his mother might topple an Empire and found the New Republic, but now she’s anchoring Snoke’s First Order Senate.  The point is not that the Skywalkers have tendencies to the extremes of both Dark and Light.  It’s that each time a Skywalker veers one direction or another, they firmly believe that they are making the right choice.  Just like Kylo himself had felt righteous as he stoked his power Dark enough to turn his eyes yellow.

 

Now Kylo has to ask, “Does Luke know you have Sith eyes still in the Force?” 

 

“No, and don’t tell him,” Vader answers with a hard look.  “I never appear to my son as my true self.  Luke took that whole ending the Jedi Order thing really hard.  He feels like a failure in life.  I am the one thing my son thinks he got right.  So don’t let on that I’m not a totally redeemed Light Side loving Jedi Knight.”  Vader looks annoyed now.  “I’m glad you saw through the lies of the Jedi so young and I’m glad Plagueis never raised you a proper Sith.  The Force needs to move past those traditions, like you and Rey planned.”

 

“We were studying your holochrons trying to find balance.”  Kylo is downcast as he grumbles, “I guess we’ll never get the chance to do that now.”  Like so many of his ambitions, that goal will fall to the wayside thanks to Snoke.

 

“That’s too bad,” his grandfather commiserates.  “You and Rey could have done it and done it well.  I liked your ideas about combining the best of the Republic with the best of the Empire in your peace deal.  The Empire did a lot of things well, even if we went overboard on the repression.  I think if my children had lived through the Clone Wars, they might have viewed things a bit differently.  History has to be understood in context.  We cracked down too hard on the Rebellion because we had seen the galaxy erupt in bitter civil war barely a generation previous.  My Master and I feared that Mon Mothma and her Rebel Alliance were another version of the Separatists.  In fact, they were worse.”

 

“The Republic had plenty of faults too.  My children never saw them.  They and the rest of the rebels saw the high-minded ideals and missed all the corruption.  Plus, they and everyone else likes to forget that my Master was elected through free and fair elections.  For all its talk of freedom and civil rights, the Republic permitted slavery in many systems.  It even created a genetically engineered class of soldier slaves in the clones.  Like every institution, the Republic had its inconsistencies and contradictions.  It wasn’t all bad or all good, and neither was the Empire.   Marrying the best of both governments seems like a good solution.   Perhaps your mother and Plagueis will do some good in the long run.”

 

“Not likely with Hux participating,” Kylo sighs.

 

Vader shoots him a look of reproof.  “You should have killed that guy when you had the chance.  But it probably doesn’t matter.  These days, your mother has him wrapped around her finger.  It’s actually kind of comical to watch.”

 

Lost Alderaan’s princess and Starkiller Hux?  “They deserve each other,” Kylo decides grumpily. 

 

Vader chuckles at this.  Then, he is sincere.  “I wish I could have been around to help you.  All of you.  By the time I realized who your mother and uncle were, it was too late.  And then I was dead.”

 

“Snoke knew,” Kylo is bitter.

 

“Yes.  Plagueis knew the whole time,” Vader confirms.  “He was lurking in the background then, just watching and waiting for my Master to be taken out.  Luke and I were an unwitting instrument of his revenge.  Listen to me when I tell you that asshole is good.  He’s as manipulative as they come and damned effective.  You can’t kill him, Kylo Ren.  Not by yourself.  But maybe someday you can do it with my namesake when he is grown up and awakened in the Force.”  Vader nods encouragingly at him now.  “Patience, Kylo Ren, your time may come after all.  Take a page out of Obi-Wan’s playbook and go hide to watch over your son.” 

 

“You really think I should hide and give up the Force?”  Kylo looks askance at this.

 

“For now.  Sometimes you win by just surviving.  Rey would tell you that.   I told myself that every day I lived in that suit,” his grandfather says quietly. 

 

“But I’m not a quitter!” Kylo is deeply disappointed that his revered grandfather would counsel him this way.

 

“The Force defaults to balance.  Plagueis knows that.  Eventually it will strike back at him and right itself.  And maybe you, Rey, and the boy will be around to pick up the pieces then.  But you have to stay alive to do that, Kylo Ren.  You,” Lord Vader reminds him, “are the only person left who has been properly schooled in the Force.  Stay alive and pass on what you have learned for your son’s sake.  He will need a teacher.”

 

“I’ll think about it,” Kylo is noncommittal.  He’s more confused than ever now.

 

“You are correct that Plagueis fears your potential,” Darth Vader tells him.  “Make the right choice and in time, you could be the greatest of us all.  One day, you, Rey, and the boy might be unstoppable.  Never forget that you are a Skywalker and you have destiny on your side.”

 

With that admonition, his grandfather’s ghost dissolves into the Force. 

 

In his wake, Kylo broods.  The more he thinks about it, the more tempting the choice to hide becomes.  Kylo is not afraid to die, but he has to admit that is a likely outcome of another confrontation with Snoke.  He doesn’t want to throw his life away for nothing and he has never had the martyr streak that his mother has.  Plus, that conversation with his grandfather has driven home the need to stay alive for his son.  Kylo is the only person alive trained in both the traditions of the Dark and the Light.  He is in the best possible position to help the next Chosen One.   Anakin will need help someday, he knows. 

 

And then, there is Rey.  Kylo thinks he could endure anything to be with Rey.  And maybe he sort of owes her this after she spent so much time in solitary for him?   He feels terrible for how she has suffered on his behalf.

 

But what would it be like to be normal?  Could he be happy living a mundane life?   Ordinary is a scary proposition for a man reared from childhood for position and power.  He’s not a humble man and never will be.  Obscurity is the antithesis of who he is. 

 

And what about losing the Force?  Honestly, that scares him.  A lot.

 

But his mind is made up.  Where there was conflict, there is now resolve.  Where there was weakness, Kylo finds strength.  He is prepared to meet his destiny with Rey and Anakin at his side.  Losing the Force and the galaxy seems like a fair trade.

 

A few minutes later, Kylo takes one last long look at his grandfather’s mask.  Beside it, he has placed his own mask and sword and a box containing all the Jedi holocrons he took from Mustafar.  Kylo takes with him only Rey’s sword and a basic blaster.  Then he boards a nondescript TIE in the _Finalizer_ hangar bay with a disabled transponder.  Kylo heads off to rendezvous again with Rey’s garbage hauler. 

 

He and Rey can do this, Kylo encourages himself.  Like his Jedi enemy of the state uncle, they will live life on the run.  It’s risky, but if Luke Skywalker can pull it off, so can they.  But this won’t be a lonely, bitter exile.  He and Rey may no longer be bonded by the Force, but they are bonded by love.  In some ways, that is all either of them has ever wanted in life—to love and to be loved in return.  And so, whatever is to come, Kylo knows this is the right choice.  The glory, the fame, the power, the Force, the galaxy . . . none of that will ever mean as much as love.  Kylo is doing this for Rey, but he’s doing this for himself too.   And maybe a little bit to honor with wishes of his revered grandfather also.

 

This time when Kylo hops out of his ship, Rey is standing waiting for him.  Kylo hands her back her sword and gets right to the point.   “Do you think you could teach me Luke’s trick to cut yourself off from the Force?”

 

Rey nods.  “Yeah.  Sure.”

 

“Good,” he smiles.  “Because I’m going to hide with you and Anakin.”

 

Rey is silent for a moment and that’s not the happy reaction he expects.  She looks very serious now and her voice is careful.  “You would give up the Force for us?”  She’s searching his eyes, looking unconvinced.

 

His answer is unequivocal.  “Yes.”

 

“You would give up being Supreme Leader Kylo Ren for us?”  Still, she is skeptical and needing reassurance.

 

“Yes.”  He would give up anything for this woman’s love.

 

Rey digests this news for a moment before she asks again in a low voice, “Ben, are you sure?  Because you don’t have to do this.  I’m not asking you to do this.  We’ll be fine on our own.”

 

“I’m sure,” Kylo responds firmly.  “I’m getting a much better deal with you and our son, Rey.” 

 

Kylo means this statement completely.  Now that he had made his decision, he has no regrets.  He’s probably the ultimate Skywalker fuck-up in Snoke’s eyes now that he has chosen to forgo power for love.  This is way worse than dying to save your son in a fleeting moment of sentiment in a Death Star throne room.  But Kylo could care less.  Somewhere in the netherworld of the Force, his grandfather wholeheartedly approves.  For given the chance to make different choices, Anakin Skywalker would do it in a heartbeat.   And somewhere in the Force, Luke Skywalker probably feels vindicated.  This is probably the first life choice Kylo has made that his uncle would actually bless. 

 

This is how to let go of the past, Kylo thinks.  Killing his father didn’t do it.  Rebelling against his Master didn’t do it.  Rejecting his uncle didn’t do it.  Confronting his mother didn’t work either.  So now, Kylo will try walking away.  He can’t change the past and he can’t change his family, but he and Rey can make different choices for their own son.  If all goes well, they will be the first in the family to stay together to raise their child.  Kylo hopes that makes a difference this time around. 

 

And so, after some brief instructions from Rey, Kylo takes a deep, fortifying breath and cuts himself off from the Force.  It is a perversely empowering act for this Chosen One to reject both the Dark and the Light.  No longer will he live torn apart.  This is the moment when Kylo Ren dies.  For thereafter, he, like Rey, appears dead in the Force.

 

“Do you think we will get away with this?” Rey asks anxiously.  She’s very skittish and looking to be convinced.

 

“All we can do is try,” he answers.  But deep down, Kylo knows the answer is no.  Not permanently, at least.  But maybe for a time. 

 

Anakin Skywalker got ten years in obscurity before the Jedi found him.  Luke Skywalker lived his whole childhood watched over from afar but undiscovered.  His mother had a few additional years before her parentage was revealed on Endor.  Kylo fervently hopes that he and Rey will get to raise their boy to maturity in a normal life before destiny rears its head.  With any luck, they will give their boy a firm foundation of love and support before Snoke reappears to fuck things up.  For fate will catch up with them eventually and then there will be Hell to pay.  History is very clear:  you cannot hide forever a Chosen One.  But he and Rey are desperate to claim some happiness for themselves and to give their child the loving home they themselves never had.  If that costs Kylo his life down the line, so be it.  Kylo is fine with that.  He’d rather sacrifice his life for Rey and Anakin than give his life for power and glory. 

 

Thanks to Rey’s skills learned forging official documents, they begin posing as newlyweds looking to start a new life as they start a family.  He is an honorably discharged stormtrooper who fought in the Core.  That explains the faint scars on his face and body and his lack of private sector work experience.  Rey has a newly issued mechanic’s certificate from a decent trade school and several forged references.  Rey and Ben Lars are completely legit, with identification credentials from their homeworld Tatooine and even a marriage license.  Their surname is, of course, a nod to the past.  Kylo figures that his grandfather might have been a Lars had he stayed with his mother until her eventual marriage.  The name is also a nod to Owen and Beru Lars who managed to hide a Skywalker for twenty years before destiny caught up with them.  The quiet, unassuming but very brave Lars family are an example he and Rey plan to emulate.

 

Kylo has no place in the story of galactic events any longer.  Ben Lars is a nobody from nowhere.  Without the Force, without the First Order, without his Master.  He is just a regular, anonymous man free to choose an ordinary, boring life.  His concerns are finding a job to support his family, not politics and balancing the Force.  His motivations are Rey and Anakin, not power and glory.  Because fuck all that.  Snoke can have all that.  Kylo once had all that and its appeal dimmed fast.  Plus, it came with some very big strings attached.

 

There are lots of lessons he has learned along the way to adult maturity.  And, truthfully, most are hard, sobering truths.  One truth is that dreams die.  They fade away in the face of life’s disappointments, changes, unexpected opportunities, and limitations.  But take heart, for new dreams crop up to take their place.   And that’s why the ambitious man who wanted to rule the galaxy and balance the Force turns out to be content to run a mom-and-pop repair shop on an obscure world.  Millions of loyal followers used to report to him, but years later his three kids barely listen to him.  And that’s very frustrating, a little humbling, but good too.  His wife had dreams of her own.  More than anything, she wanted to find her family and find answers.   That never happened, but Rey found a family of her own and some answers of her own too.  All in all, it’s a good life, even if his brash younger self would have scoffed at it. 

 

But what you think you want isn’t always what you need.  And so, when life takes unexpected turns, sometimes that is a correction and not a problem.  A wake-up call, and not a challenge.  In the end, happiness is the ultimate achievement, for you can’t buy it with credits or power.   And, in this case, happiness is the best revenge.  For choosing happiness was the boldest, most subversive choice these two powerful Force users could make.  Prioritizing love was also the most important way that this secret family of Chosen Ones could leave the past behind.

 

He left his sword behind too, but he wears a blaster holstered on his hip like his old man.  These days, he is Ben Kenobi, Owen Lars, and Bail Organa rolled into one.  His ever-vigilant wife keeps one eye over her shoulder at all times too, along with a lightsaber stashed in her purse.  Their little family hides in plain sight exposed in every way but the Force.  So normal, so boringly average, that no one would bother with a second look. 

 

But with the Skywalkers, what you see is rarely what you get.  These people are always duplicitous.  This generation lives a life of well-intentioned lies, just like prior generations.  The biggest lie of all is the one they tell themselves:   that they have gotten away with it.  But with each passing year, it seems more and more true.  At night, the parents argue about how much to tell the kids and when.  They worry over what the future holds.  For they know that destiny stalks their footsteps and someday a reckoning will come.  But until then, they are content to live and to love.   Every day together is a victory over Snoke.    

 

 

THE END


	49. Chapter 49

Who are you?   That’s the question my characters answer in this fic.  What defines who you are? 

 

I used to have an impressive answer.  “I’m a partner at Company X.”  I would explain myself by what I did, like most people.  Now, I explain myself in relation to other people.  “I’m a mom.”  Sometimes that comes out as “I’m just a mom.”  My husband often answers the question for me if he’s within earshot because he hates when I say that.  He will interrupt with a cheesy turn of phrase that means something in our insular world.  “My wife is a community volunteer.”  Whatever.  I’m primarily a mom and I’m fine with that identity.  My younger self would have bristled a bit.  Okay, a lot.  But my ambitions have changed and so have I.  And that’s kind of the point of this story:  people change when they are confronted with the realities of life and what you want changes as a result.

 

“I’m just a scavenger.”

 

Jakku defines who Rey is initially.  I see her character as having both great strength and terrible weakness from her Jakku background. That unveils some in this fic as Rey opens up to Kylo.  At first, Jakku is all about hurt, hardship, and shame as Kylo sees her past.  But later, Jakku is about strength.  Rey draws on that strength and grit when she is on her own in Part 4.  All those survival skills pay off in the end.

 

Along the way, Rey answers the question of who she is not.  When she leaves the Resistance at the end of Part 1, that is a rejection of the Resistance as defining who she is.  Rey sees her colleagues and Leia Organa who are absolutely defined by what they fight for and Rey realizes this isn't her same identity.  Yes, Rey is a fighter.  But she fights for herself more than she fights for ideals.

 

Other authors see Rey’s character differently and they think she is completely committed to her role in the Resistance.  That has never been my view even before TLJ.  All of my Reylo stories show Rey transcending her role as Resistance fighter for one reason or another.  A lot of readers characterize this as Rey “giving in” to Kylo.  Again, I see it differently.  I have always seen Rey as sympathetic to my head canon version of First Order politics even if she condemns the First Order’s tactics.  She ends up somewhere in the middle usually.  Caught between the two sides based on her love for Kylo and/or her desire to survive.   I am partial to this attitude because in the end, I want Rey to be as “grey” as Kylo.  She has to have some appreciation for the better aspects of the First Order if she too is to end up compromising. 

 

“You cannot deny the truth that is your family.”

 

Kylo is a character defined by his family background and the position that gives him.  It’s complicated. He rejects his family in the Light as much as he embraces his family in the Dark.   In this story, he slowly moves to reject all of it.   Kylo walks away from ruling the galaxy and from his allegiance to his family legacy.  He does it for Rey and his son, but he also does it for himself.  We see from the beginning of this tale Kylo wanting to assert himself as Supreme Leader while Snoke is “dead.”  He breaks all the rules by wanting Rey to rule the galaxy with him, overtly trying to upend all the old traditions of the Force.  When his Master reappears and now Rey is “dead,” Kylo can’t go back to being the dutiful Apprentice he was before.  He wants more.  At first, he assumes its more of the same:  more power.  Hence, the yellow eyes and the obsession with revenge.  But Kylo figures out that he wants something different instead. 

 

Walking away from the Force is huge.  Just HUGE for Kylo.  But to be clear, this isn’t some self-imposed exile for Kylo to repent for his sins.  This a “to Hell with all that” decision to prioritize happiness over duty, today over the past, and love over hate.  Ben and Rey each change as people in the story—mostly, they rub off on one another.  And together, they are seeking change in the First Order and the Force.  But they ultimately find that they can’t change the world around them and they can’t change their family.  So, they give up trying.  In this case, Kylo and Rey simply walk away. 

 

People often underestimate how hard it is to change yourself or to change the world.  I feel as though I am constantly bombarded with change in my real life.  This isn’t change that I am making, this is mostly change that is happening to me and around me.  It is not in my control and sometimes I don’t like it or it’s threatening.  The truth is that change begets an awful lot of conflict in the real world. 

 

Is it unsatisfying to you that Kylo isn’t fully redeemed in this fic?  That seemed like the wrong way to go here for this version of Kylo.   And it misses the point of the goal of being “grey.”   This Kylo could certainly have balanced the Force and ruled the galaxy with Rey had Snoke not reappeared.  But he did.  And then Baby Ani was born.  And so Kylo shifted to his radical Plan B. 

 

You don’t live in Darkness and emerge unscathed.  Poor burned and mangled Darth Vader is the archetype of that lesson.   There is always some sacrifice for Darkness in my stories.  Sometimes my Kylo loses a hand (yeah, it’s a tired old trope but I still like it), sometimes he loses children, sometimes he loses Rey (she leaves him, or she dies).  This time, he loses the Force.  That seemed very fitting for me.  Kylo wants to leave the past behind and he realizes that the only way to do it is to leave the Force behind as well.  It’s a radical move he has to be primed to do, and so as Parts 3 and 4 of this story unfold you see Kylo becoming more and more disenchanted with his life and his position in the First Order.  He also spends a lot of time grieving Rey to recognize how important she is to him.  Giving up the Force only becomes an option when he has become utterly miserable and can’t see a way to happiness in his current life. 

 

In my own experience, you sometimes have to double down on your mistakes before you are ready to change.  Kylo does this.  You also sometimes have to get fed up with things before you are ready to make a decision.  And then there is this sudden moment (meeting baby Anakin somewhat and meeting grandpa Anakin for sure) that spurs you to take the chance.  This is what a lot of redemption stories miss—people rarely ‘see the light’ and make enormous shifts in their lives without a lot of preamble, real misgivings, and then a trigger moment.   And—while this is not a true redemption fic—Kylo’s decision to change has risks.  In this case, Snoke is still out there. He knows that Rey lived (and presumably her baby too) and he likely can guess where Kylo disappeared to and why.  And so, while our Reylo family gets their happy ending, there is no guarantee it will last. 

 

I see this this ending as a shockingly subversive move.  A lot of SW is about the hero’s call to selfless action—that’s a tried and true story trope that resonates very strongly with our collective need to encourage and inspire others.  Even when our heroes are in exile they ultimately return to the fight when they are needed most (Obi-Wan on Tatooine jumps into action again on the Death Star, Yoda in exile trains Luke, Luke in exile projects himself into the battle on Crait).  But this is a blueenvelopes tale grounded in the gritty realities of adult decisions and not a fairytale for kids.  This time around, our heroes reject the call and walk away from leadership and the struggles of politics and the Force.  There is no “fighting the good fight” left in these two.  Rey and Kylo make a personal decision motivated by their own selfish interests and the interests of their infant son.  I kind of love the fact that princely Kylo is now “nothing” of his own choice.  This ending is the very opposite of the usual SW theme of self-sacrifice for the greater good and lofty ideals.  And the fact that there is no looking back (and no remorse on bad actor Kylo’s part) makes my ending especially non-canon.  But everything I write is non-canon very intentionally.   Go watch the movies if you want to see the SW canon.  Come read blueenvelopes if you want to see the SW universe turned on its head in what I hope is a modern, real take on a galaxy far, far away.

 

I have been wanting to write this ‘walking away into the sunset’ ending for some time.  I toyed with this as the conclusion to _The Chosen One_ but it didn’t seem to fit with that romantic dreamer version of Kylo, especially after Emperor Ren has been successfully ruling the galaxy for over a decade.  But I thought it worked well for _Tied on a String_.   My story endings don’t please everyone, but I hope this one feels satisfying in some way.   This story ending is a bit of an atonement for the ending of _You Need a Teacher_.  I pretty much hate that fic.  It was a first attempt that I tried to rehabilitate last year but it’s still a lame fic replete with a lot of torturous dialogue and prose.  _You Need a Teacher_ has the same ‘Snoke ships Reylo as a means to devastate his Apprentice and grow his power’ plot arc that appears in this story.  Snoke essentially kills Rey in that fic while a cluelessly complicit Kylo looks on.  In this fic, Snoke just pretends that Rey is dead.  That gave me the chance to reunite my lovers to walk away together at the end.

 

I was writing my Darth Malgus-Eleena Daru fic DARKER when I dropped it to write this fic.  DARKER ended up having a real influence on Kylo’s character in _Tied on a String_.   Malgus is a man who feels very much an outsider in the Sith Empire he keeps striving so hard to dominate.  That sense of otherness—of being a leader people might respect but also ridicule, of the constant daily rejection of being largely disliked by your peers---found its way into Kylo’s experience in the First Order.   Being an outsider has its advantages, chiefly in that it allows you to see things with fresh eyes and without all the inherent biases of the group.  Like Kylo, Darth Malgus is a man who overtly wants change.  He doesn’t always go about it the most effective way (the man has a huge chip on his shoulder), but he very much wants to tear down the orthodoxy that surrounds him and limits him.  That “man on a mission” aspect seems to fit very well with the Kylo of TLJ, and so in this story Kylo too becomes a man who struggles to implement change.  For himself, for the Force, and for the galaxy.  Like Malgus, Kylo is a man who dreams big.  As mentioned earlier, a lot of this story is about the difficulty of change.  Some people are better at implementing change than others, often change takes time, and usually it happens in waves rather than increments.  There is always opposition to change and Kylo and Rey discover this too.   In a strange irony, Kylo reverts to the old ways of the Sith as he struggles to implement the change he seeks.  Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Kylo is trapped in the past and poised to repeat his grandfather’s mistakes until Vader shows up to set him straight.

 

Why does Vader appear?  Because he’s someone Kylo will listen to.  And he’s someone who has clear authority to advise his grandson.  I also wanted Kylo to get one interaction with Vader before he gives up the Force. 

 

So, can you get the girl and the galaxy?  That’s the question my Dark Side men confront time and again in my stories.  What will you sacrifice for power?  And what do you end up sacrificing whether you like it or not?  Anakin sacrifices his wife and children and his health on the way to the Dark Side in ROTS.  Anakin doesn’t quite get the whole galaxy and he doesn’t get the girl.  Kylo sort of has the galaxy and the girl at the end of _Immune to the Light, Fulcrum_ and _Fulcrum Part 2_.  Kylo gets the galaxy in _Ghosts of the Past_ but it takes him all the way through _The Chosen One_ to get his girl back.   The tragic _You Need a Teacher_ gives Kylo the galaxy but not the girl.  _His Padawan_ gives Kylo my cleanest happy ending with both the girl and the galaxy.  _Red_ gives Darth Sidious the galaxy and the girl in an on-again, off-again marriage forever scarred by Snoke’s meddling.  And through the weaving backstory of Snoke that appears in _A New Hope, Red, Fifth Wife, Fulcrum_ and _Fulcrum 2_ , Snoke ultimately gets his girl and the galaxy but at great cost to everyone.  Malgus won’t get the girl or the galaxy at the end of _DARKER_.   

 

A recurring theme of the _Fulcrum_ stories is that there are no true happy endings on the Dark Side.  Bleak, eh?  Well, there is a cost to power and there is a cost to ambition.  Time and again, life and war tend to drag down all those people closest to our Sith/neo-Siths.  The collateral damage of these men is huge.  Friends, family members, lovers, and especially children suffer as a result.  Sometimes our Dark Side bad boys are aware of those consequences and sometimes they are unintentional.  But they occur again and again.  To love these men is to be in danger.  ‘It is a risk to kiss a Sith’ is stated outright in a couple of my stories.  The flip side of that fact is that these men are always desperate for love in their private lives.  They fall in love fast and hard and it’s forever.  This version of Kylo (and the _Ghosts/Chosen One_ version especially so) is needy.  So is bereft Darth Vader.  The _Fulcrum_ version of Kylo and _DARKER_ ’s Darth Malgus don’t realize how much they need love until they find it, of course.  And then they refuse to let it go.

 

Yes, there is an epilogue for _Tied on a String_ in my head.  I have it sketched out.  I may post it, but maybe not.  We’ll see.  I think the story ending stands on its own.   You know where this epilogue is going, right?    Because Snoke has lost his new Darth Vader in Kylo Ren and there’s a Skywalker kid named Anakin who’s out there growing up just waiting to found . . .   You know it won’t be pretty.

 

Thanks for reading!


	50. Chapter 50--Optional Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a totally optional read. You might want to leave the story ending as is. This is a blueenvelopes story, so read at your own risk.

EPILOGUE

 

“Your mom is late today,” Ben observes as he rolls out from under the landspeeder he’s been working on for the past hour. He and Rey run a small repair shop. They do everything from household appliances to starships, but mostly it’s a lot of routine maintenance work on speeders. It’s boring stuff but it pays the bills. Ben yanks off his greasy work gloves and pulls out his comlink to check for messages. Nothing. Rey is only a few minutes late, and it’s probably nothing. But it’s unusual and that makes him nervous.

Ben glances over to where his two sons sit at a nearby table doing homework. This is their usual after school routine. Rey will chew him out if she gets home and finds out he put the boys to work before they finished their homework. “Have you heard from your mother?” Ben asks the boys.

The kids look up, check their coms, and shake their heads no at him. “She’s not that late,” twelve-year-old Anakin suggests. “She’s fine, Dad. She’ll be along soon.” And that comment is very like him. His oldest son is the peacemaker in the family and the dampening rod between the reactor that is he and Rey. He might not be Kylo Ren any more, but he still has a temper. And Rey is no slouch when it comes to shouting back. Anakin must think he’s getting frustrated because he calls over, “I’m almost done here and then I’ll help.” Responsible, mature-for-his-age Anakin is always willing to help. The kid seems to be born old.

“Yeah, okay. Finish your homework first.” Ben gets back to work and tries not to worry. Anything out of the ordinary makes him worry.

At least three-year-old Padme is still napping. Their daughter was a surprise third baby who had upset the established rhythm of their life. Poor Rey had cried when she told him the news that she was pregnant again. We can’t afford this, Rey had wailed. How did this happen? Kids cost a lot of credits and the new baby had put them into debt. But now that Padme is old enough for preschool, Rey has taken a job at a droid repair shop. She works until midafternoon while Ben minds the shop and looks after the kids when they come home from school. Once Rey comes home, he heads to his second shift as a supervisor at a local factory while Rey looks after the kids and spends a few hours doing repairs herself. Ben saves the hardest repair jobs for Rey. She is a much better mechanic than he is.

It’s a humdrum existence. This isn’t an isolated moisture farm on Tatooine, but so far, so good. Ben knows that he could be so much more, but that is risky. He and Rey have made a conscious decision to live an anonymous working-class life below the radar screen. They are rich in bills and each other, but poor in everything else. It’s safest this way, he and Rey have agreed. But still, Ben wishes money were not so tight. Anakin keeps growing and his wrists and ankles are sticking out of his school uniform again. That kid is going to be very tall. He could pass for fifteen now if it weren’t for his pre-puberty baby face. Rey has been putting aside credits to buy him a new school uniform next month, but the kid needs it now. Beside Anakin, ten-year-old Han is wearing his big brother’s hand me down uniform that has the sleeves and legs rolled up. Everything about his young family looks shabby, Ben thinks. Rey doesn’t mind, but he does. He feels ashamed now and then.

“What are you studying?” he calls over to the boys from under the speeder.

“Civics,” Han answers grumpily. “It’s boring.”

“I’m done,” his big brother chimes in. “What’s taking you so long?” he ribs his kid brother. If Anakin has a fault, it’s his big competitive streak. That kid has to win at everything. And, he usually does.

“These questions are hard,” little Han grumbles.

“Yeah?” Ben inserts himself. “Maybe I can help. Try me.”

“Name the Supreme Leaders of the First Order,” Han reads from his datapad.

“Piece of cake,” Anakin crows. “Leader Snoke and Leader Hux.”

“There are three,” Han points out. “You’re missing one.”

“Is there another?” Anakin is stumped. “Dad, was there a Leader other than Snoke and Hux?”

“Yeah,” Ben calls over. “There was a guy in between. Just for a short time.”

“Kylo Ren!” Han seizes on the answer.

“Oh, yeah. That guy,” Anakin agrees. “He was the guy with the cool sword.”

“Dad, whatever happened to him?” Han wants to know.

“Terror attack,” Ben looks away as he lies with the official explanation. “The last of the Resistance got him after the war was over.” He checks the time again. Where is Rey? “If you’re done, go wake up your sister, Anakin. If she sleeps too long, she won’t sleep tonight.”

His oldest dutifully heads off. Anakin is a good boy. He helps out around the shop and doesn’t complain about the long hours he spends watching his younger siblings. He is responsible in a way Ben never was at his age, but Rey doesn’t see it that way. Her experience on Jakku has her expecting a lot of the kids. More and more, Ben sees that Rey didn’t have a real childhood. She’s fine with how their family lives, probably because it is paradise compared to the way she grew up. But Ben doesn’t feel that way. He wishes he had more to offer them. He may not be Kylo Ren any longer, but he has not lost his ambition. It’s just buried deep down, stifled by the need to live a safe, anonymous life.

Young Anakin wants more too. All this responsibility has his oldest son focused on the future in a way that strikes Ben as odd for a kid his age. Anakin studies a lot because he wants to get into one of the First Order military academies. For smart working-class kids like Anakin, it’s a ticket to a better life. Ben keeps deferring breaking the bad news about that plan. But the time is coming soon for he and Rey to tell Anakin the truth. For the second year in a row, Anakin has been offered a coveted place in one of the First Order’s summer recruitment programs designed to give promising applicants a taste of military life. Anakin wants to go but that is out of the question. The kids might live on a First Order world and go to a First Order school, but Ben isn’t letting them anywhere near the First Order military. For his own safety, Anakin Lars’ future is as a civilian. And it will be as anonymous and forgettable as his father’s life is now.

Anakin returns with quiet little Padme clutching her favorite toy and dragging a blanket behind her. Anakin has changed out of his uniform into his greasy work clothes. He settles his little sister next to Han who is still doing his homework. Then, Anakin buckles on a toolbelt and gets to work beside his father. His oldest son helps out with simple repairs while younger Han fetches and organizes tools. Both boys wash and wax the finished speeders waiting to be picked up.

“So . . . “ his son broaches the topic Ben keeps avoiding, “Have you thought more about it?”

Ben defers the truth and takes refuge in easy excuses. “Summer is when I need you the most,” he tells his son. “There’s no one else to look after your brother and sister when you are out of school. Maybe this year we will make enough to buy a nanny droid and then you can go to the academy camp next summer,” Ben outright lies.

“But it’s a whole other year,” his boy complains. He’s whining a bit and that is very unlike Anakin. It betrays just how disappointed the kid is.

“That’s not as long as it sounds. I’ll make it up to you,” Ben promises as he reaches for a tool.

“But this is a big opportunity,” Anakin grumbles. He shoots his father a look. “You know that, Dad. You fought in the war.”

“Being a soldier isn’t as glamorous as you think it is,” Ben sighs. Like all boys his age raised in the First Order educational system, Anakin has been taught to revere war heroes. The indoctrination starts young. “Son, you’ll only get yourself killed,” Ben says pointedly. “Seeing the galaxy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Trust me.”

Anakin isn’t giving up. “You fought in the war and you’re still alive. You were a trooper--“

“I was a conscript.” This is how Ben explains their lack of relatives. He is an ex-stormtrooper and Rey is a war orphan. “Wars don’t make you great, kid. Don’t fall for all that stuff they feed you at school.”

“But Dad—“

“Forget it, kid. You’re not going. I need you here.” Ben says this in a sharp tone. These conversations always make him tense and frustrated. He doesn’t like lying to his kid and he doesn’t like quelling the boy’s natural ambition. He’s proud of Anakin for what he has accomplished, but Ben can’t really let on. He ought to be encouraging his boy, but he isn’t. And that makes him feel like a terrible parent. Plus, more and more he sees friction developing between them. Anakin isn’t the stubborn confrontational sort like his father is, but that doesn’t mean he is a pushover. More and more, the boy sees through his father’s unsatisfactory excuses. Yes . . . Anakin will have to be told very soon, Ben thinks. Probably Han too.

“Mom!” That’s Han’s high-pitched voice.

“Sorry, I’m late,” Rey calls out. Looking out from under the landspeeder, Ben sees little Padme’s quick feet run past on the way to intercept her mother. Ben gives Anakin some quick instructions on how to finish the job they are working on. Then, he extricates himself from beneath the speeder and stands up. Rey is waiting with Padme in her arms.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

Rey nods. “Yeah, the new dayshift supervisor is a jerk. He kept us all late again. And, of course, it was off the clock.” Ben nods to commiserate. He hates his own boss. If he were Kylo Ren in his Finalizer days, his boss would have been choked for sure.

“You had me worried there a bit.” He and Rey lock eyes with unspoken understanding. “Well, gotta go. See you tonight. We . . . uh . . . need to talk when I get home,” he says with deliberate vagueness.

Rey raises her eyebrows. “Is this about Anakin’s summer camp?” she asks.

“Yes. It’s time, Rey.”

She takes a deep breath and gives a resigned nod. “Okay, I’ll stay up then. I’ll be awake when you get home.”

Then Ben hurries off for work. His mind is very much on tonight’s conversation with Rey. For years, he has dreaded telling his children the truth. Sharing the secret adds to the risk of discovery. It also burdens his children with a family legacy he himself chafed under. Plus, it will raise a lot of uncomfortable questions that he is not prepared to answer. Ben sighs. He and Rey won’t be getting any sleep tonight.

These days he’s not rolling in the sheets with Rey. He’s an overworked, over stressed family man who falls dead tired to sleep most nights and wakes bleary eyed to face the day. Romance was a long-ago casualty of their young family and busy lives. He and Rey sleep in a small, cramped room behind the shop with thin walls. And most nights Padme crawls into bed with them. His little girl quite obviously needs more attention that she gets. But, truthfully, there is only so much of he and Rey to go around.

Eight hours later, his tired and dragging self returns to the shop. It’s closed, of course, since it’s midnight. But the door isn't locked. That’s strange. Rey never forgets to lock the shop. There is no sign of a break-in as he examines the mechanism. Frowning, Ben activates the door. As it slides open, his heart stops.

He knew this day would come.

The lights are on so he can see the bodies littering the floor. These are black armored Death troopers, the pride of the First Order, and not the guys from the local garrison.

Ben instantly pulls his blaster, flips the safety off, and sets for kill. He is wide awake now. With a deep breath, he steps in.

“Rey?” he calls. “Kids?”

There is no answer.

Is this an ambush? Ben is wary of being jumped. He picks his way through the aftermath, noting the many scorch marks on the walls and the body count on the floor. Some of these troopers were killed by blaster fire but more than a few died by a lightsaber. Rey’s lightsaber.

“Kids? Rey?”

Ben bends to pick a small plush toy off the ground. It’s Padme’s toy that she sleeps with. Rey would never have left this toy behind if she didn’t have to. Even more so than the bodies, this toy is a very bad sign. Ben swallows hard.

Where is his family? Rey would have sent him a com with a warning or an explanation if she could. But she didn’t. And that means she’s trouble. If she’s alive.

“Rey?” Ben is frantically searching around now. “Kids?” There are more bodies back here in the cramped and crowded family living quarters. Rey had held her own, he sees. He also sees her purse. She wouldn’t have left her purse if she had a choice.

“Freeze!” The voice from behind him is the cultured, assured tone of the First Order elite. Ben whirls to train his blaster right at the heart of a uniformed major. The major holds no weapon but the six troopers behind him do. They are all aiming at him.

“Where are they?” Ben hisses. He does not lower his blaster. Instantly, it’s a standoff.

“Ben Lars, I presume?” the major drawls. “The former Trooper BN-2871 during the war?”

“Yes. Where is my family?” Ben growls.

The major does not acknowledge the question. “Lower your weapon slowly to the ground and raise your hands high and you will not be harmed.”

“Where is my family?” Ben demands again.

“Look, Trooper, there are days when I don’t like my job and this is one of them. But you’re an ex-serviceman, so you know the drill. Come quietly. Don’t do anything stupid or you’re dead. Understand?”

“Where is my family?” Ben demands a third time.

“Put the gun down. The children are fine.”

“What about my wife?”

“She’s dead. The Resistance Jedi woman is dead.” The major nods in satisfaction. “We’ve been looking for that one for years. Did you know that your wife was a fugitive? Or did she fool you all these years?”

Ben doesn’t answer. He’s not certain how much of what he’s being told is true. This wouldn’t be the first time Ben has been told Rey is dead. If this major knows who he is really arresting, he doesn’t let on. But knowing Snoke, this guy and the entire strike team have probably been kept in the dark. It’s far more discreet this way.

“Not talking?” the major observes sourly. “Suit yourself. You’ll answer soon enough when Intel beats it out of you. This will all be a lot easier if you just tell the truth. Now, put the gun down. If you want to see your children again, Trooper, you need to cooperate.”

Okay, he’ll play along. The first rule of a trap is to spring the trap. So Ben puts down the gun and raises his hands. He is cuffed and marched to a waiting shuttle that immediately lifts off. Ben can already guess their destination before he glances out the window to catch sight of the Supremacy waiting in orbit. Snoke himself has come for this.

His old Master is taking no chances. The shuttle is met by four red armored Praetorian guards. The clueless major looks a bit shocked at this. He starts arguing with the lead guard when Ben just steps past. “I know the way,” he informs them as they all leap to catch up. Ben marches forward at a fast clip with the guards and the major trailing in his wake. It’s weirdly like back in the old days when he was in charge around here. Does his retina scan still work as the security code on the ship’s elevators up to the throne room? Yes, it does. Ben smirks at this oversight. Everyone is now very confused. Evidently, they have no idea who their prisoner is or why he is marching with determination into Supreme Leader Snoke’s red curtained lair.

The elevator door opens and the first thing Ben sees is Snoke seated on his throne. Ben can’t tear his eyes away. The old monster hasn’t aged a bit. And even if he had, who could tell? Snoke looks every bit the Dark Master in his black hooded cloak. Ben stands there staring until a Praetorian shoves him forward into the room. Then, he begins a long, slow walk forward to confront his past.

“You are a hard man to find,” Snoke speaks first. Then he nods magnanimously. “Welcome home. I have been expecting you.” With a flick of his finger, Snoke releases Ben’s handcuffs to clatter noisily to the floor.

But he is no fool. This is no genteel family reunion. Ben glares at his old Master with undisguised hatred. He doesn’t know how this long-aggrieved confrontation will turn out, but he’s pretty sure he won’t live.

“It is customary for the Apprentice to kneel to the Master,” Snoke says mildly.

Ben stands his ground. “I stopped kneeling to you years ago.”

Snoke answers with lightning that brings Ben to his knees. Without the Force to deflect the onslaught, the pain takes his breath away.

“That’s better,” Snoke purrs. Then, for good measure, he shoots more lightning that lands Ben flat on his face. It must be a sufficient display of dominance, for Snoke now deigns to concede, “You may arise, Apprentice. That will do.”

Hurting Ben struggles shakily back to his feet.

“Come closer,” Snoke beckons. “Have a look for yourself.” Snoke now gestures to a crumpled body lying in the shadows to the right of his throne.

It’s Rey.

“Closer, I said,” Snoke purrs. “Let there be no doubt in your mind this time.”

Ben takes a deep breath and slowly walks forward.

“D-Dad!” It’s Anakin’s voice. Ben looks over to find the kids clustered together far off to the side flanked by two troopers. Frightened little Padme in her nightgown has her arms wrapped around Han and her face buried in his pantleg. She can’t bear to look. Han stares blankly at his fallen mother with silent tears running down his face. He looks dazed. At his side, big brother Anakin looks angry. He’s clutching his left arm awkwardly to his side where his pajama top has the telltale black scorch mark of a blaster bolt. He’s also got a black eye and a fat lip where someone landed a punch. “Dad?” Anakin calls again to him. “Dad, what’s going on?”

“Silence!” one of the troopers guarding the kids orders. He jabs Anakin in the back his rifle. “You speak when spoken to here, kid.”

Ben meets his son’s eyes and nods to reassure him. But he keeps walking to where Rey is. He sinks down beside her and rolls her over, brushing tangled brown hair back from her face. Rey is already cool to the touch and her unseeing eyes are wide open. His wife is dead, like he was told. It had been a painful death. There are flashburns to her torso from blaster shots. Rey had died defending her children and, all things considered, Ben thinks she would have been fine with that. They had known all along that this was a risk. But why couldn’t it have been him instead?

Ben stares blankly down at the woman who risked everything to share his life and raise his children. His head knows that she is gone but his heart can’t quite believe it. He is devastated. His children are devastated. Nothing will ever be the same.

It makes him reckless, and that’s not like him. These days, Ben mostly is cautious because the real world has consequences. If you mouth off enough times at work, you lose your job. If you haul off and punch a guy, you have to explain it to the local police and then to a judge. It wasn’t long before Ben Lars learned to suck up his pride, swallow his anger, and keep his head down. He became a working stiff like everyone else, responsible for cleaning up his own messes. He still has a temper but it has a much longer fuse. Ben has learned to let a lot of things roll off his back.

But that was when caution helped to keep his cover. None of that matters now that they have been discovered. Looking down at Rey’s lifeless body, Ben struggles to keep his cool. He still has children to protect, if he can. He can’t afford to melt down into Darkness picking a battle with Snoke he can’t win. But why Rey? Why couldn’t it have been him instead?

“D-Dad?”

His oldest son’s voice recalls him to the present. Ben looks over to where Anakin stands with his brother and baby sister. And now, things become perfectly clear. Ben knows exactly why it couldn’t have been himself lying dead at Snoke’s feet. He also knows what is coming next. Ben swallows hard, hoping against hope that one day when his children know the whole story, they will understand what he’s about to do. Because glancing over at Snoke’s smug and disfigured face, Ben knows exactly why Rey died.

“D-Dad??” Anakin tries again. “Dad, what’s go—"

“Silence!” The trooper guarding Anakin now backhands the boy. The blow sends the twelve-year-old to the ground. But young Anakin is a fighter like the great-grandfather he was named for. He pops up and launches himself at the trooper and it’s a tussle for his rifle. Anakin manages to get the trooper’s blaster away from him and he points and shoots at point blank range. Then he fires at the other trooper who has moved to intervene. It happens very fast as Ben looks on.

It’s Force-assisted fast, Ben realizes. And now, he understands how they were found.

Padme starts screaming her head off and clawing at Han in terror.

The praetorians and the confused major who have escorted Ben into Snoke’s presence now move to engage.

But Snoke on his throne waves them off. “That was brave of you, boy,” he approves. “Go ahead, young Skywalker,” Snoke invites to Anakin as though this were a game and not a deadly confrontation.

The traumatized boy is confused. He looks around a moment. He has no idea who Snoke is talking to. “Dad?” he looks again to his father. “Why is this happening? What did we do wrong?” Then, before Ben can answer, Anakin starts apologizing for his actions. “Dad, I’m sorry. Those guys just really made me mad . . . really mad . . . this makes five men I’ve killed tonight . . . I think . . . ” The rattled boy starts to cry.

“Put the gun down, son,” Ben orders in a slow, low voice. The last thing this situation needs is a trigger happy, hysterical child. “It won’t help. This is my fight, not yours.”

But old Snoke immediately undercuts this advice. He inclines his head and announces, “It’s your move, child.” Snoke settles back in his chair with a very satisfied look on his face.

Young Anakin wipes the tears from his eyes. He looks from his father to Snoke and then back to his father. Then he hefts the gun a little higher. “Are you in charge here?”

“Yes.” Snoke and Ben answer in unison.

Snoke glances Ben’s way and starts to laugh.

Ben ignores him. He walks forward now towards Anakin. “Put the gun down. It won’t help. You will only get yourself killed--”

“I don’t care! And it’s a gun, of course it helps,” Anakin snaps back. “They killed Mom. I don’t know why. But are you just going to stand there? Do something, Dad!”

“In a moment, your father is going to run away again,” Snoke jeers. “It’s what he does best. He runs and he hides.”

“Who are you?” Anakin turns to demand of Snoke. “Why is this happening to us?”

“I am called Snoke.”

“Snoke, like Supreme Leader Snoke?” the boy hotly demands. “The old recluse?”

“Yes.”

Anakin digests this news. Then he makes a face. “You look a lot better in the pictures in my textbooks in your golden dress.”

Snoke just shrugs at this childish honesty. “Power trumps pretty any day,” he announces. Then he flicks a finger in the direction of the still screaming Padme to steal her consciousness with the Force. The little girl slides down to the floor as Han frantically grabs for her. “You see? Power is everything, boy.”

“What the fuck did you do to my sister?” Anakin demands. He lifts the gun and aims squarely at Snoke. “You need to start explaining. NOW!” the distraught boy howls.

“I did not harm her. She is asleep. She was frightened and this will soothe her,” Snoke explains smoothly. “I have no wish to harm you either. My wife your grandmother would be very angry with me if I did.”

“He’s just a boy,” Ben growls. He wants the focus back on himself, where it belongs. “Leave the children alone! They are not who you want.” Ben is wary that he not take his children down with him. Although he doubts that is the plan, with three little Lars, Snoke might feel some are expendable.

Snoke shoots him a dismissive look. “You do not even know do you?” he gibes. “You and Rey cut yourselves off from the Force, so you could not conceive of the power of your offspring. So strong they are. Like I had hoped. Especially this one,” Snoke nods to Anakin. “When I found you, Apprentice, I saw raw, untamed power. But it was nothing like this. This boy is impressive. Most impressive. I look forward to training him.”

“The children know nothing!” Ben declares. “They are blameless!”

“Then you have made this very easy for me,” Snoke retorts. “What is your name?” he asks the trembling boy who has a blaster aimed squarely at his chest.

His son looks to him and Ben nods for him to answer.

Scared Anakin turns to stare down Snoke. “My name is Anakin Lars.”

Snoke laughs gleefully as he stands to his feet. “Oh, this gets even better still. I like you, Anakin,” Snoke leers at the boy as he walks down from his throne. “Such spunk for a boy so young. Just like your mother before you.”

“I’m going to k-kill you!” Anakin stammers. “I don’t care who you are! You don’t get to treat my family like this. We have done nothing wrong!” The boy takes aim again. “Don’t move or I’ll shoot! I mean it! I’ll kill you, Leader Snoke!”

“When the time is right, I certainly hope so.” Snoke smiles down at the boy like a genial grandfather. “Your father killed me once. The Apprentice always kills the Master to complete his training. It is a very important step.”

Anakin watches befuddled as Snoke steps past him to approach the other children, blithely striding by the loaded blaster as if unconcerned. Han is kneeling on the ground with his little sister hauled protectively into his lap. There are two dead stormtroopers lying inches away. Han looks up wide eyed and visibly trembling at Snoke.

“And how are you called?” the Dark Master inquires.

“I’m H-Han,” the boy says, looking like he might cry at any moment. “I’m in fifth grade and I’m Han,” he babbles nervously, looking at his father the whole time.

Snoke grunts in response. “You mother must have named you.” He considers the sleeping little sister. “And this little one? What is her name?”

“She’s Padme. But she can’t say her name. She calls herself Paddy. It’s stupid,” her brother volunteers artlessly. Then he starts to cry. “Don’t hurt her!” he pleads as he gathers his arms around his little sister. “She’s just a baby. She still wets the b-bed . . . “ the boy rambles. “And she b-bites . . . when she’s mad, she b-bites . . .“

“She’s just like her mother, then,” Snoke smirks. “Your sister is very young. In time, she will grow to be a powerful seer. Like my late wife. It is a marvelous talent and so very useful too,” Snoke approves.

“Get away from them!” Anakin dares to interrupt.

Snoke half turns to catch Ben’s eyes. He glances to the blustering twelve-year-old Anakin. “This one does more than bite. This one kills,” Snoke observes with relish as he pokes at a fallen trooper with his foot. “Well done, Anakin. Well done,” he commends. “Familial loyalty is a worthy trait. Too bad your father never learned it.”

“Get away from them!” Anakin hollers again. Then he pumps off a warning shot with the gun. It streaks harmlessly past Snoke.

It’s a bold move that instantly has Ben concerned. “He’s just a boy,” Ben intervenes to forestall his Master’s wrath. “Leave him be. Your fight is with me!” Ben roars. “Leave my children alone!”

Anakin looks confused as he keeps aiming and re-aiming the gun at the unconcerned Snoke. The boy looks to his father and starts demanding answers. “What’s really going on? What is the Apprentice? Why did they kill Mom?”

Snoke answers evenly, “I ordered her killed. It was punishment for hiding you from me. Anakin, there are consequences for disobedience. Let this be a lesson to you.”

“That was my mother! She never did anything wrong in her life!” Anakin sputters at the injustice of it all.

Snoke is patient as he explains. “There is a great deal you don’t know about your mother, Anakin. She was a follower of the Jedi Luke Skywalker and member of the Resistance. She helped to blow up the Starkiller before you were born. One day, she showed up here with your father to kill me and to kill my guards. Your mother,” Snoke reveals, “is a longtime enemy of the state.”

“Oh,” the shocked boy looks to him and Ben nods to acknowledge the truth. The kids know their mother as a woman more interested in doing the laundry than watching the newsfeed. She reads bedtime stories and bakes treats on their birthdays. No doubt she is the furthest thing from what they imagine a Resistance terrorist to be. “Well, I don’t care!” The boy’s grief makes him reckless. “I hate you! You killed my mother!” He shoots again. This time he aims for towering Snoke’s chest. The Dark Master simply deflects the bolt with his palm. It harmlessly slams into a wall.

“Good. Gooooood. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you,” Snoke encourages.

Anakin hesitates, thoroughly confused. Then he responds by pumping off two more shots that Snoke again effortlessly deflects.

“Stop!” Ben hollers at his kid. “You can’t kill him!”

“Wise words,” Snoke smirks. “But I’m oh so glad he tried. Like father, like son, it seems.”

“How did he do that?” incredulous Anakin demands of his father.

“The Force.”

“The Force?” Anakin blinks. “You mean that ancient Jedi stuff?”

“Yes,” Ben confirms.

“So there really is a Force?” Anakin looks skeptical. “I thought that hokey religion died out a hundred years ago.”

“Oh, how charming. Such innocence. Such ignorance,” Snoke looks like he’s relishing this confrontation. Old Snoke loves a slow telling as much as he loves a slow killing. And there’s nothing his Master loves more than devastating truth. “The Force is strong with your family,” he says gently to Anakin. “You have it, your brother and sister have it, your mother had it, and your father had it.” Snoke looks pointedly in Ben’s direction. “Your father can have it back any time he wishes.”

“Dad, you have the Force?” Anakin is lost at what this means. “Wait--are you a Jedi?” he asks fearfully.

“In fact, he was,” Snoke reveals. “But no longer. Child, your father was once a very powerful man. Tell them who you are, Apprentice.”

Ben hesitates.

“Dad, what is he talking about? Why does he call you that? Are you a fugitive like Mom?” Anakin demands. “Someone tell me the truth! What’s going on?”

Ben inhales a ragged breath. “Before you were born, I was a different man. But this isn’t about me.” He sees that now. Maybe it should have been obvious all along. “Anakin, it is you and your abilities that he wants. You, and your brother and sister.” The kids are pretty much lost to Snoke now, Ben knows. Suddenly, he’s glad that Rey didn’t live to see this.

“The children are not all I want.” Snoke waves a breezy hand over in the direction of his control panel of his throne room. From behind the equipment with the help of the Force float the sword and the mask of Kylo Ren. They come to a rest on the empty seat of Snoke’s throne.

Ben sucks in an involuntary breath. He stares hard at the relics of his old self.

“Go on, Apprentice. Take them,” Snoke urges. “You cannot deny the truth that is our family. You cannot deny who you are.”

“N-No . . . “ This is a trap he extricated himself from long ago and he’s not going back. Rey wouldn’t want him to go back, Ben knows. “No!”

Snoke is undeterred. “Welcome home, Kylo Ren,” he purrs. “Now, reclaim the Force and reclaim your command. Take your place at my side.”

“Kylo Ren is dead!” Ben barks his refusal. “He died thirteen years ago. He no longer has the Force.”

“Kylo Ren? Dad, are you Kylo Ren?” The voice is Han’s. Anakin looks too stunned to speak. The children stare at their father in his grimy factory supervisor uniform. Their workingman dad looks nothing like the great masked Dark Side warrior who has supposedly been dead for years.

“Kylo Ren is dead. He died in the last Resistance terrorist attack before you were born,” Ben sticks to the script. “I am not that man anymore!” His voice is firm as he stares down his old Master. “That name no longer has any meaning for me.”

Snoke is patient with his refusal. “It is the name of your true self. You have only forgotten. Like you have intentionally forgotten the Force.”

“No!” He refuses to be that man again. He refuses to be Snoke’s pawn.

“Wow, Dad. Is that true? You were Supreme Leader Ren?” It’s Han again. The boy is impressed.

Anakin is not. “You lied to us all this time?” Understanding now dawns. And childishly, Anakin now focuses on his own concerns. “This is why you wouldn’t let me go to stormtrooper training camp! You didn’t want me to be in the First Order!” he accuses. “You were never going to let me go to the academy, were you?”

“Child,” Snoke promises indulgently, “I will give you all the training you require. In time, you will call me Master.”

That is precisely what Ben wants to avoid. But it is probably too late now. Still, he glares hard at his old Master and shakes his head. “No.”

Again, Snoke ignores his refusal. “Take your sword. Take your mask,” Snoke goads. “Return to me with your family and I will welcome you back.” And here comes the kicker Ben has been anticipating all along. “Return to my good graces, Apprentice, and I will resurrect your wife.”

“No.” Ben does not hesitate.

“You can resurrect Mom?” Han gapes at Snoke. He looks to his father. “Can he do that?”

“Yes, child, I can,” Snoke purrs. “Would you like your mother back? I have the power to save the one you love. I can make your mother live and breathe again as though nothing ever happened.”

“Wow.” Again, young Han is impressed.

His older brother looks miserable. “Dad, why didn’t you tell us?” Anakin groans. He is mature enough to understand at least some of the ramifications of the news about his parents.

“Come back to me and I will give your children back their mother. You will live blissfully with your beloved and your children again.” Ugly old Snoke is practically cooing at him. Ben makes a face in distaste.

“No . . . she wouldn’t want this . . . ” Ben is certain. Rey would hate being used to manipulate him in this manner.

Snoke keeps cajoling him softly. “Take back the Force and give yourself to the Dark Side. It is unavoidable. It is your destiny, Kylo Ren.”

“No!”

That rejection cuts through. Snoke drops his wheedling guise of temptation. He is growing annoyed now. “I offer you the galaxy and I offer you back your wife. Don’t be a fool,” he sneers. “It’s happily-ever-after with power. It doesn’t get any better than that. What are you waiting for?”

“You were Kylo Ren of the First Order? The Supreme Leader Kylo Ren??” Anakin keeps trying to understand. “You told us you were a stormtrooper honorably discharged after Coruscant fell,” he accuses. “That you were a conscript who had no choice but to fight.”

“I did it for you! You mother and I walked away from all of this for you,” Ben glares at his oldest son who doesn't know enough yet to understand.

The boy is less ungrateful than he is bewildered by this explanation. Because, of course, he has no concept of what it means to be Kylo Ren. And, truthfully, young Ben Solo had no idea of what he had signed up for at age fifteen. Like so many things in life, it had turned out to be far different than he had expected. Ben is desperate to save his children from repeating his own mistakes. The past will never die if it keeps repeating itself because the next generation fails to learn from the previous. Of all the fears Ben has for his children, what he fears most is that they will become his old self.

“But why?” Anakin asks. “Why would you walk away when you could have everything as Kylo Ren? Dad, you and Mom wouldn’t worry about credits. And then you could buy a nanny droid and I could go to camp this summer.” Young Anakin only sees the benefits to himself. He has no concept of what Snoke is offering or what Snoke will demand in return.

Ben whirls on the young boy. In the stress of the situation, his words come out in a gruff rush of anger. “Your mother and I left all of this behind! She wouldn’t want this! She would hate this!” Rey would rather be dead than have him be Kylo Ren again. Ben is sure of this. She hates old Snoke just as much as he does.

“I don’t get it either. Why would you want to be a mechanic if you could be Kylo Ren?” Han wonders aloud. “I think it would be cool to run the First Order.”

“I would do it,” Anakin speaks up now. His tone conveys his disappointment in his father. “I would do it for Mom. I love Mom.”

That comment provokes a sly grin from Snoke. “Anakin? Perhaps you would like to try,” he invites. Snoke’s demeanor is gracious, like a genial host and not the reigning Master of Darkness in the universe.

“Me??” the boy blinks. He blushes, like he’s flattered. Reflexively Anakin looks to his father for permission.

“No! Anakin, I forbid it!”

“If I cannot have the father, then I will accept the son in his place. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps he will.” Snoke turns to the twelve-year-old expectantly. “Anakin,” he asks softly, “how much do you love your mother? Go, take up the sword of Kylo Ren, and take your father’s place at my side.”

“No!” Ben advances on his son. “NO!”

“Don’t you love Mom?” Anakin demands. He has tears in his eyes. “Don’t you want her back? It’s Mom! M-Mommy is dead . . . ”

Ben shakes his head and warns, “You don’t know what’s he’s asking. He cannot revive your mother without sacrificing another Force user. That means one of us has to die. Your mother would not want that!”

“Once, you begged me to revive Rey,” Snoke reminds him. “You were even willing to offer your own mother in her place.”

“Rey was never even dead!” Ben rages, remembering his Master’s ultimate betrayal that was the last straw. “You lied!”

Snoke glosses over that argument. “Luckily, there is no need to sacrifice a family member this time around,” he assures. “I have a young Apprentice. A rather disappointing young man. He tries, but he is no Kylo Ren. He was a slave boy mucking out fathier stalls when I found him years ago on Canto Bight. His talents are limited and his commitment is questionable. It is time to be rid of him,” Snoke decrees. “Especially when there are far more promising prospects on the horizon.” Snoke glances pointedly over at Han and then at Anakin. “Boys,” he promises, “I can give you everything your miserable life up until now has lacked.”

Anakin turns to Snoke. The boy is clutching his painful, wounded arm to his chest but still brandishing the gun. “So wait—you’re saying that other man will die so that Mom will live?”

“Yes. What I take from the Force to revive your mother, I must yield back.” But Snoke brushes off this concern. “He will die anyway. I am giving you a way to make his death meaningful instead of just unfortunate.”

“O-Oh,” the boy hesitates.

Snoke makes it a teachable moment. “Everything has a price, Anakin. The price for your mother’s life is my current Apprentice.”

Ben gives his sons each a hard look. “This is how it works!” he warns. “One day he will betray you just like he is betraying this other kid! Do not trust him!”

“But it’s Mom!” Han whines.

“Dad, it’s Mom!” Anakin seconds his brother with a plaintive wail. “Don’t you love Mom?”

Snoke, of course, is loving this chorus of allies.

“No!” Ben’s answer is final. “I will not do this!” Someday, somehow, he hopes his children will understand why and will forgive him for this decision. But that won’t be until they are old enough to appreciate the situation, they know all the facts, and their mother is not lying dead a few meters away on the floor. Because there’s no way his kids can possibly understand his decision now.

There is a long moment of silence while his boys look at him with upset and angry faces.

“Fine! I’ll do it!” Anakin abruptly decides. He tucks the gun into his waist and then starts stalking up the steps to Snoke’s throne.

Horrified Ben acts on instinct, thrusting out his right hand. The crossguard sword that won the galaxy over a decade ago flies from the son’s eager reach into the father’s firm grip. And with it, the Force rushes back to Ben. It is a jolt of pure energy, a rush of raw power, as the mystical force that binds the universe together overtakes his mind. It is potent, far more potent than he recalls. Suddenly, his senses are sharper, his consciousness is larger, and his body is poised to act. All the outrage and anger at the situation, all his grief at Rey’s loss, finds its focus. The Force has a certain muscle memory. The years spent channeling emotions into power now mean Ben is brimming with Darkness. He is poised now for the fight he has previously been declining.

Snoke’s eyes light up and a slow, wide grin splits his ruined features.

“Leave my children alone!” Ben roars as he lights his sword and points it outstretched at eye level to threaten Snoke. The unstable blade crackles and hisses just like he remembers. And, damn, it feels good in his hands. The Force feels good too. Ben closes his eyes a moment and shivers with pleasure from the feel of power. No doubt Snoke sees this too. It is humiliating and tempting all at once.

“Revive my wife but leave my children alone and I will be Kylo Ren,” he rasps. Ben is ready to make a deal. He will sacrifice his soul so that his children will keep theirs. And he will get Rey back in the process. He can be Kylo Ren again, he reasons, if he has Rey. She will help him get through it. She did it before, she can do it again. Their lives and their fates have been intertwined for years now. In some ways, today’s drama is nothing new.

“Those boys will need to be trained,” Snoke announces with near glee. He is panting to control them, Ben sees. Nothing has changed. Old Snoke is still the alpha predator of the Force. Out to corrupt innocence and to seduce youth. To take everything from those unable to resist and to glory in their downfall. “Power like theirs must be nurtured,” he drawls. The lust for power is thinly veiled behind his wise man guise.

No one is going to toughen his kids up with torture by Force lightning, Ben decides. He looks old Snoke in the eye. “They will be trained by me, not by you.”

“So you can one day seek to depose me with your army of little Skywalkers?” Snoke raises an eyebrow.

“You are invincible and immortal, are you not?” Ben sneers. “Afraid of the competition? I thought you were a Dark god.”

“They will be trained by you under my supervision,” Snoke counters.

Troubled, Ben considers a moment.

So does Snoke. “How can I be sure you are even worth it?” he muses. “Your skills are rusty from disuse. Perhaps I would prefer your oldest boy after all.”

With a glance over at Anakin standing near the throne, Ben challenges, “Try me.”

“With pleasure,” Snoke smirks. Then he gestures to the major and the four praetorians who have watched this entire exchange. “Kill Kylo Ren. Spare the children,” he orders. Then Snoke climbs back on his throne to watch the show.

When it is all over, Ben lungs are burning, his chest is heaving, and he has a long bloody slice down his left arm where blood steadily drips to the floor. But behind him all four praetorians are dead. Two lost their heads. One lost an arm before Ben spitted him. The last was sliced in half Darth Maul-style. The unlucky major was the first to go down choked with the Force.

“Ah, well done, well done!” Snoke acclaims. He claps like this is a sporting match. “There is my worthy Apprentice, my son of Darkness, the heir to Lord Vader, the mighty Kylo Ren!” Snoke inclines his head to acknowledge the victory. “My faith in you is restored. I will revive your wife and together we will train your sons. Welcome home, my good and faithful Apprentice. Come, fulfill your destiny,” he invites.

Then, Snoke waits expectantly.

Ben is uncomfortably aware of his two impressionable young sons looking on with slack jaws and wide eyes. Still, he stiffly lumbers to one knee, his lit sword held up with its blade pointed down. Ben wishes he and Rey had told the boys the truth before today. He wishes his sons knew the full story and had some context to understand his actions now. He worries that Anakin and Han will see glory in Kylo Ren, and not the humiliating failure he truly is. But Ben will do this. He will humble himself for Rey so that she will live. He will humble himself for his children so that he will be around to exert a tempering influence to Snoke. He will be Kylo Ren again. But this time, it’s not for himself. It is for others. And it is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow.

When Rey is revived, there will be Hell to pay, he knows.

With great trepidation, Ben bows his head and closes his eyes. He submits with the time-honored words of the Apprentice to his Dark Master: “What is thy bidding, my Master?”

On his high throne, old Snoke grins ear to missing ear.


End file.
